


Devotion

by Noxifer



Series: Bound by Moonlight [1]
Category: Original Work
Genre: Anal Sex, Angst, BDSM, Corporal Punishment, Dom/sub, Flogging, Humiliation, Kneeling, M/M, Mind Manipulation, Not Omega-verse, Oral Sex, Pack Dynamics, Voyeurism, Werewolves, Wolf Sex
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-01-17
Updated: 2017-06-29
Packaged: 2018-09-18 02:42:42
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 37
Words: 197,474
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9362660
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Noxifer/pseuds/Noxifer
Summary: Kieran is the leader of a small werewolf pack; Nicholas is the recently-joined omega. When Kieran is informed that Nicholas is abusing humans, he storms off to find out the truth. The truth, however, is a lot more complicated than he'd ever expected. Can an alpha who's always fought his own instincts take care of an omega who's never fought his?





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> I'm making up much of this as I go along, and I can't guarantee that I won't end up somewhere I'd never planned to. I try my best to keep my facts straight, but let's face it: You're very rarely a good beta-reader for your own work. Things are bound to slip through. When they do, please feel free to inform me so I can correct my mistakes. To be honest, it started as a PWP, but the characters wouldn't listen to me and it ended up becoming a lot more than that.
> 
> More tags will be added as I figure them out. Posting schedule will vary; I'll probably post fairly often to begin with, but as I run out of already-written parts, my pace is bound to go down a bit.

_Kieran_

 

For a moment, he hesitated in front of the club, looking up at the neon sign declaring ‘Devotion’ in large, red letters. Then he shook the momentary fear off. Squaring his shoulders and tossing his shoulder-long black hair back, he embraced the strength inside of himself. He wasn’t a cub to cower before something, even something he was uncomfortable with; he was alpha, pack leader, and he was here with a mission. Glancing briefly to the side at the human responsible for checking age and – he assumed – initial sobriety of visitors, he then pushed the doors open and stepped inside.

He’d expected the music to be deafening, but while it was loud it wasn’t to the point where one would have to shout to be heard. Dancing wasn’t the point of this place; the atmosphere was heady with sweat, arousal, sex, blood and pain, though most of it seemed... distant. Old. There were the remnants of fear in the air, too, but not terror; more along the lines of the fear inside a movie theatre during a horror film. And there. The fresh scent of pack. Not only Nicholas, whom he’d come here to find, but several others as well. Samantha, Peter and Benjamin, his nose identified.

He strode forward, not so much pushing through the crowd as having them melt aside before him to provide him with a convenient path. He caught a fair few looks on the way; some of them of the ‘who the hell do you think you are?’ variety, but also a couple of admiring ones. He wasn’t really sure what to think of that; he wasn’t here to be admired, but he couldn’t help but feel a deep sense of satisfaction that _strangers_ respected the strength inside of him.

His pack members looked up as he came close. Ignoring most of them, he crooked a finger. “Nicholas. With me.”

He could see those deep green eyes widen, but there was no hesitation as Nicholas slid off his bar stool to stand. Heading away from the table enough to give them privacy to talk, far enough away that the music would cover their voices – while they wouldn’t be protected from outsiders hearing them, they wouldn’t understand that it was pack business – he turned to face Nicholas. It didn’t come as a surprise that the newest pack member had followed him, but it _was_ an annoyance to have to crane his neck to look into his face. He’d never been tall, but he’d never met someone who was more than a head taller than him. Correction, he’d never had someone in his pack who was more than a head taller than him. Nicholas’ six feet seven would have been intimidating if he hadn’t been an omega.

Nicholas seemed to be uncomfortable with the height difference as well, his eyes darting around the room before coming to rest on the low stage nearby. There was a small band occupying part of it, but since the stage seemed to stretch along an entire wall, there was plenty of free space. Well, free of people, at least. There was plenty of unfamiliar objects on the stage; Kieran assumed they had some sort of BDSM-related functions, even if he had little clue as to what.

Nicholas made a polite, almost subservient, gesture toward the stage, and when Kieran nodded, only slightly reluctantly, he led the way there and sat down on the edge of the stage. A small sigh escaped him as he looked up at Kieran, some of his tension melting away. He didn’t speak, waiting for Kieran to take the lead.

Kieran studied him for a while, wondering what was going through Nicholas’ head. The longer he waited, the more of the tension crept back, the other wolf’s scent filling with worry and a faint, acrid tinge of fear. If they’d been in wolf form, he knew he’d see Nicholas ears fold back and his tail slipping in under his belly.

Remembering that it was cruel to treat a pack member like this, even one who was under investigation, he spoke up. “What is it about this that interests you?” he asked, making a gesture to the room in general and the equipment on the stage.

Nicholas blinked in surprise. Whatever he’d been expecting Kieran to say, clearly that was not it. “I’m... not sure what you mean,” he said, but while it was a finished sentence, Kieran got the sense that he’d cut something off at the end. The short intake of breath that normally would have signalled something else being added but instead had ended in Nicholas closing his mouth, his lips trembling slightly as if with the effort of remaining pressed together.

“The question’s clear enough.” Kieran didn’t want to believe that what he’d heard was true, that Nicholas got off on torturing human women. But he didn’t like the avoiding answer he’d gotten. He took one step closer, bringing him almost into touching distance, and looked down firmly at the younger wolf. “Why do you come back here; what is it you do here that you like enough to return to again and again?”

Nicholas swallowed, staring up at him with a deer-in-headlights look in his eyes. He wasn’t meeting Kieran’s eyes; he seemed to be staring at somewhere around the top button of his shirt. “The power exchange,” he said, his lips again trembling as they fell shut, as if he held something back. After a second, he went on, “The knowledge that I can give them what they want, what they need, and the illusion that I’m the only one who can give that to them.”

Well, that answer didn’t give nearly enough information. And what was with the ‘what they want’? How could anyone _want_ to be tortured? But more importantly... He frowned. “You’re holding something back. That’s twice now that you’ve cut yourself off. What is it you’re not saying?”

Nicholas lowered his gaze to the floor, his mouth working but nothing emerging. Then, when Kieran had almost given up, he whispered, “Master.” Kieran’s heart stopped for a moment, even as Nicholas’ eyes flickered up briefly. “I’m sorry, it’s just... The setting, and your... dominance. I can’t help it, M–” He clenched his jaw on the word, the title.

Kieran didn’t know what to say. Part of him was embarrassed, but... there was another part of him that felt satisfied with the form of address, that considered it his due. And in the midst of it all, there was that errant thought, wondering if Nicholas could really be the dangerous creep Kieran had been told he was if he was that eager to, well, show his submission. Or was he different when he was with those human women? _Were_ they only human?

“It’s fine,” he finally managed, and it almost surprised him to realize it was the truth. Clearly the satisfied part of him had won over the embarrassed side. His upper lip drew back as his mouth stretched into a dangerous smile. “In a way, it is what I am, is it not?” As pack leader, he _did_ hold some sort of mastery over the other wolves, though with some of them it had become a mere formality.

Nicholas swallowed, but didn’t look up. “Yes, Master,” he admitted. He held his breath, as if poised to continue, but then he let it out in a soft sigh. “Thank you.”

“Don’t thank me yet,” Kieran said, hiding his reluctance behind gruffness. “I’m not done questioning you. What is it you do with... whatever you call the people you go with?”

“Submissives, Master. It depends on what we’ve agreed on.”

For a moment, Kieran tried to wrap his mind around the fact that somewhere there were people more submissive than the wolf in front of him. Or was Nicholas lying to him? Pretending to be more submissive than he was? No, surely not; Kieran couldn’t detect any hint of deceit. Tension, yes, and worry, and a certain sense that Nicholas wasn’t giving him the entire truth, but... Surely he couldn’t be faking it; surely no one could fake that kind of thing.

He leaned in close, almost burying his nose in the side of Nicholas’ neck. He felt the younger wolf’s heartbeat stutter, heard his sharply indrawn breath. Fear and arousal and shame rose from his skin and Kieran inhaled it all, even reached out with his tongue to taste the emotions, felt Nicholas shudder at the touch, the emotions flaring higher. No, that couldn’t be just an act. It couldn’t be.

“That wasn’t an answer, Nicholas,” he said softly, straight into Nicholas’ ear. The fear spiked again, closely followed by the arousal and then shame, his cheeks burning so hot Kieran could feel it.

“No, Master, I’m sorry,” Nicholas let out in a gasp. “But it does vary. They all want different things, have different limits.”

Kieran sighed, his breath stirring the auburn hair by Nicholas’ ear and making him gasp. “The latest one, then. What did you do to her?”

“I... We... It...” As attempts to reply went, that was the poorest one yet. Nicholas seemed to give up, whimpering his apology.

“Yes?” Kieran pressed.

“Please,” Nicholas half-whimpered, half-begged. “Please, Master... Can’t think when... you’re too close.” It was almost amusing how he didn’t even make a move to back away from Kieran.

Deciding to take pity on the almost incoherent boy, Kieran stood up straight again. As he did, Nicholas almost slumped over with relaxation. “Thank you, Master,” he whispered.

“Like I said before; don’t thank me yet.” Kieran shook his head slightly. “Answer the question.”

Nicholas’ eyelids fluttered. “Question...” He frowned, his forehead wrinkling with concentration as anxiety rose. Then, only a few seconds later, the anxiety melted into relief. “Oh!” Had he really almost forgotten what he’d been asked? Or was he only pretending he had? No, Kieran still hadn’t met anyone who could lie with his scent, with his emotions. Hide them, yes, suppress them, though it usually required a lot more control and strength than an omega possessed, but never put out a false scent. “Yes, Master. I flogged her, clamped her nipples, took her mouth until I came, then fingered her until she begged me to take her and I was ready again to do so. I made her orgasm twice, and the second time I removed her clamps.” He recited his actions too calmly, as if it was nothing, as if he hadn’t forced himself onto someone, but he didn’t look up at Kieran. “She was very pleased, Master.”

“What.” The question came out flatly, far too quiet to contain the fury that swirled within him. Nicholas reacted to his emotions anyway, ducking his head even lower, almost curling up into a ball.

“I’m sorry, Master, I didn’t... No one told me I wasn’t allowed to participate in scenes in your pack.” There was whimpering subservience now in Nicholas’ voice, desperation. His scent was filled with horror and dismay. Could he really be unaware of what he’d done? Could... Surely he wouldn’t have imagined pleasure if there was none, and there was no indication he’d lied – unless he really was a better liar than anyone Kieran had come across before. Could he actually be telling the truth? But why would James, Kieran’s second-in-command, claim he’d violated multiple women? That he’d tortured them until they’d screamed for mercy?

“How often have you done this?” That was a safe question. Well, safer than many other things that crowded the tip of his tongue.

“Two, maybe three times per week,” Nicholas admitted. “I swear, Master, if I’d known you wouldn’t allow it, I wouldn’t have–”

“Hush.” Nicholas instantly cut off his desperate assurances. “And this has gone on for the four months you’ve been part of my pack?” Nicholas nodded his head, misery oozing off of him, then hesitated, glancing up at him briefly before shaking his head. “What?” Nicholas didn’t reply, only bit his lip anxiously and shot another glance up at him. “Answer me,” Kieran growled, starting to lose his patience.

“Yes, Master, thank you. Not at first; I didn’t find this place until a little over two and a half months ago.”

Wait... “Did you...” For the love of the moon, Nicholas had to be one of the more literal omegas he’d come across, not that he’d met that many of them; they were as rare as alphas, if not more so. “Did you just avoid answering me because you thought I’d told you to be quiet entirely?”

Another of those glances up at his face, but fortunately this time Nicholas didn’t seem to wait. “You didn’t?”

“No. I’m just not interested in your apologies right now.”

Dread washed over Nicholas, quickly followed by another wave of misery and despair. “Yes, Master,” he whispered. “I understand.”

Did he? Kieran wasn’t sure _he_ understood what was going on. He wasn’t entirely sure what to believe, or why he wasn’t relieved that there might be an explanation that didn’t involve Nicholas torturing strangers for his own pleasure. He drew a deep breath and let it out as a sigh. “Very well, Nicholas. I will allow you one more time, tonight.” Nicholas’ head shot up, eyes wide with shock, but he quickly lowered his eyes again. “This time, I will watch.”

Nicholas seemed to freeze at those words, his entire body going still as he even ceased to breathe. His heart rate sped up gradually, trying to draw as much oxygen from his blood as possible. Panic, worry, arousal... his scent was a chaotic mix of emotion. Finally, when Kieran was starting to worry as well, he gasped in a breath of air. “Yes, Master. As you wish.” His reply was barely audible. He swallowed, shot another of those quick glances up at Kieran’s face. “Will you be merely spectating, or will there be a chance of you joining in?”

Kieran did his best to suppress the wave of revulsion that rose inside him at the thought of joining in the torture of someone, but Nicholas flinched away from him as if he’d been hit... or expected to be hit. “Just watching,” he stressed.

Nicholas nodded hurriedly. “As you wish. I didn’t mean to offend; I needed to know so I will know what to negotiate for. Not everyone is interested in multiple participants in a scene, just as not everyone is interested in having someone watch them.”

Kieran grinned viciously, leaning in. “Oh, I won’t be watching them. I’ll be watching _you_.”

Nicholas’ heartbeat stuttered as he sucked in air. His eyes were wide, his pupils so large they almost covered the irises completely, and the scent of arousal rose thick and heavy from every pore. “Y-yes, Master.” Perhaps it had been foolish to give him warning, but his reaction pleased something deep inside Kieran, making the statement worth it. Nicholas swallowed loudly. “B-but if I may... Could you... maybe keep your distance?” Kieran frowned angrily, and Nicholas hurried on, “It’s not that... that I don’t want you there, Master. But I fear... I won’t be able to be what I need to be if you’re there to remind me of what I am.”

Puzzlement wove its way through his anger, and curiosity burst from him before he could stop himself. “And what are you?”

“Yours.” The sharply drawn-in breath and the horror in Nicholas scent made it obvious he hadn’t quite intended to give that answer. “I, I mean, it’s your pack. We’re all yours.” Panic, deceit, fervent hope.

Kieran merely smiled, not taking the admission seriously, nor the desperate lie afterwards. It happened sometimes, if a wolf was submissive enough; he’d temporarily fixate on a dominant wolf, usually the alpha, hormones working their charm into the mix. It was simply a physical and chemical attraction they had little control over. “Don’t worry.” If he was right, and if Nicholas’ previous interpretation of his order to shush was any indication... “What is it you need to be?”

“Strong,” Nicholas whispered. “Dominant. I... don’t know how to, Master. Not with you this close to me.”

“Stand up.” Kieran took a step back as Nicholas unfolded from the edge of the stage. “Look at me, Nicholas. Look me in the eyes.” Slowly, Nicholas’ head rose until their eyes met. “This is an order from your alpha,” Kieran continued, quietly but firmly. “For tonight, you _will_ be strong enough to do this. You _will_ be dominant enough. Is this clear?” It was a long shot and he had no idea if it would work, but it was worth a try. Something inside him _wanted_ to try. Besides, Kieran watching would be pointless if Nicholas acted differently from what he usually did.

Nicholas sucked in a sharp breath, his eyes widening. And then... Then his face relaxed, a small smile spreading across his lips. His shoulders drew back, his chin rose proudly, and he stood straighter than he ever had around Kieran. But that wasn’t what was most shocking. No, the most shocking detail was that his scent changed, filled with confidence and almost arrogance.

“Thanks,” he said, his voice somewhere between a purr and a drawl. “I guess I _can_ do this, after all.”

“I will want to listen to this negotiation you mentioned, but I won’t take part in it.” Weird, how calm he sounded, when he wanted to edge away from this stranger, this... caricature of Nicholas. It couldn't work like this, could it? It shouldn't. He had no idea what he'd been expecting when he gave that ridiculously impossible order, but this certainly hadn't been it.

Nicholas nodded. “Fair enough. If you care to wait by the bar, it shouldn’t take too long to find someone interested.”

Kieran nodded back, doing his best to hide how disturbed he was by the complete change in Nicholas’ demeanour. Somehow, he found himself actually missing being called ‘master’. “Go ahead,” he said, feeling he still should be the one to give permission.

Nicholas’ smile curled into a soft smirk as he slipped past Kieran and melted into the small crowd on the dance floor in front of the band. Kieran shook his head and wondered if he’d really done the right thing, but headed off towards the bar. He could see the other wolves try to catch his attention, curiosity pooling around them, but he ignored their attempts. If they needed him for something more urgent, they could always approach him. Until then, he’d focus on the business at hand.

He sat down by the bar, ordering an ice water, and turned his gaze toward the dance floor, pretending to be listening idly to the band. Far too many minutes passed before he could see Nicholas extract himself from the crowd, but he seemed to be alone. It wasn’t until the tall wolf reached the bar and held out his hand to steady a young human male as they seated themselves on two bar stools that Kieran realized his victim for tonight wasn’t a woman. Shocked, it took him a few moments to tune in to the conversation between them.

“Might I offer you something to drink, Derek?” Nicholas said with a smile, gesturing to the coolers behind the bar. “Water? Cola?”

“Thank you, sir,” the human, Derek, answered softly. “I wouldn’t mind some water.”

“Of course.” Nicholas efficiently summoned the attention of one of the bartenders and ordered two bottles of water. “Sparkling or still?”

“Sparkling, please, sir.”

“Two sparkling, then.”

With a nod, the bartender fetched the bottles and poured them into glasses. Nicholas handed over the payment and then dropped the change in the nearby tip jar.

“So, Derek,” Nicholas began, pausing briefly to take a sip of his water. “What’s your desire tonight?”

Derek drew a deep breath as he looked up at Nicholas. “I want to be yours, sir.” Arousal and desire radiated from him like heat from a fire, and Kieran squashed a flare of jealousy. There was nothing to be jealous of.

Nicholas chuckled. “Yes, we already established that, my dear boy. I meant more specifically. Limits?” Limits?

“Oh, right. Sorry, sir. No blood play or breath play.” The terms didn’t mean much to Kieran, though the basic meaning seemed obvious enough. “Soft limit on CBT.” That term, on the other hand, was not as obvious.

“Bondage? Pain outside of CBT?”

Derek’s breath hitched and his heart rate increased. “Bondage is _fine_ , sir,” he breathed. “Pain is fine up to a certain amount; I’m not a pain slut, but... I usually need a measure of it to take me down.”

Nicholas smiled. “Most do. I assume, since you were looking for a male top, that you have no issues with penetration.”

Derek shook his head, and Kieran noticed his cheeks were flushed with embarrassment. “Absolutely none at all. And...” He hesitated, but went on after an encouraging nod from Nicholas. “You won’t need to prepare me. Lube, yes, condom, yes, but... Oh God, I can’t believe I’m saying this out loud, but I like... knowing I’m there for _your_ pleasure, not mine, and the pain of instant stretching is... part of it. A reminder.” He hesitated, and Kieran could see his eyes flicking down to Nicholas’ crotch even as a thread of anxiety wound its way into his scent. “Unless you’re... you know, really well endowed.”

“Define ‘really’,” Nicholas said, humour evident in his voice, but then he shook his head before Derek’s anxiety could grow any further than it already had. “No, I can’t say that I am. Fairly average, I’d say.” He gave Derek a smile. “You have a safe word picked?”

“Yes, sir.” The relief at the change of subject was obvious in Derek’s voice and scent. “Cauliflower.”

Kieran felt slightly lost, feeling like there was an entire layer to the conversation that he was missing. Clearly the things they were saying meant more to them than they did to Kieran.

“Any medical issues?”

Derek barely hesitated. “No, sir. None that I’m aware of that should have an impact on play.”

He could see Nicholas frown slightly. “Let me judge that, Derek. Tell me.”

Embarrassment flowed from the human. “Sorry, sir. Just some food allergies; citrus and tomatoes.”

Nicholas nodded. “Very well. And you’re okay with someone observing the scene to make sure nothing goes wrong?” Kieran blinked. Had Nicholas picked up on that reason for him watching, or did he think he was making up an excuse for Kieran’s presence?

Derek glanced over his shoulder at Kieran, something that also shocked him. When had Nicholas pointed him out? “Yes, sir,” he said. He turned his head back to Nicholas, then gasped softly. Moments later, Kieran caught sight of something in Nicholas’ hands.

“Derek, will you accept my collar for tonight and tonight only?”

“ _Yes_ , sir,” Derek said eagerly. He leaned forward and let Nicholas wrap the leather strap around his neck. Kieran felt slightly nauseous as the other wolf buckled what appeared to be a dog collar around the boy’s throat, but... Derek certainly didn’t seem to mind the symbolism, so he had no real reason to protest it.

“Finish your water, boy,” Nicholas said smoothly as he sat straight, raising his own glass, still half full.

“Yes, sir,” Derek said, grabbing his glass and starting to gulp it down.

“Slowly,” Nicholas said sharply, and Derek slowed down considerably. “That’s better. There’s no hurry, boy; I’m going to enjoy taking my time with you.”

Arousal flared from the boy and was echoed half a second later from Nicholas. “Yes, sir,” Derek whispered. “Thank you, sir.”

“You’re welcome, boy.” He looked up over Derek’s head, met Kieran’s eyes. There was a silent question in his expression, but Kieran wasn’t entirely certain what that question was.

Derek set down his empty glass on the bar, and Nicholas returned his attention to him, standing up from the bar stool. “On your feet.” Derek obeyed quickly, slipping off onto the floor. His head was lowered, his eyes clearly directed at the floor, almost like a good, subordinate wolf. “Do you need to go to the bathroom?”

Derek shook his head. “No, sir. I went recently.”

“Excellent.” Nicholas again met Kieran’s eyes over Derek’s head, and this time made a beckoning motion with his entire head, a clear ‘follow me’ if Kieran had ever seen one. Then he grabbed hold of a leash hanging from the collar around Derek’s neck – a _leash_! – and started leading him off toward a door in the nearby wall. Kieran followed as requested, but almost balked at the heady scent of sex and lust that flooded over him when Nicholas opened the door.

Inside was a broad hallway, stretching along the side of the room, with several sturdy-looking doors along the outer wall. There was a red light on above one of the doors, and when Kieran looked he could see unlit lamps above the rest of them. As he passed the red-lit door, Kieran could hear people inside, but he quickly moved on before he could identify the sounds as actions.

Nicholas went past another three doors, then opened the fourth. A quick glance at Kieran, then he led Derek through the doorway, leaving the door open behind them. The light above the door lit up, bright and red. Kieran followed, but had to stop at the threshold to stare at the furnishing inside. There were chains fastened to the wall and hanging from the ceiling. An X-shaped contraption with leather manacles fastened to each limb of the X; Kieran remembered the X-thing from the stage, though that one hadn’t had any manacles, not that he’d seen at least. A weird, tiered bench he’d also seen on the stage, and still couldn’t figure out the use of. One corner held a small vanity with inlaid sink plus a wall-fastened waste paper basket, and the adjacent corner had one of those small, half-sized fridges in it. There was a shallow cabinet on the wall closest to the X and the bench, from which he could smell leather, rubber, metal and a vague hint of bleach.

“Close the door, please,” he heard Nicholas say. For a moment, it didn’t connect that Nicholas was talking to _him_ , but when he turned his attention to the other two in the room, he found Nicholas staring at him almost expectantly.

Part of him bristled at Nicholas’ lack of deference, but he reminded himself that Nicholas _had_ said ‘please’, and turned around to pull the door shut.

“Thank you.” His tone shifted subtly, became sterner, as he went on. “Strip, boy.”

Kieran turned just in time to see Derek throw a glance his way, but Nicholas grabbed hold of his chin and pulled his head straight. “Ignore him. _I’m_ the only one you need to pay attention to tonight.”

“Yes, sir. Sorry, sir.” Nicholas unclipped the leash from the collar as Derek started to pull his t-shirt off, and Kieran watched as the human divested himself of all his clothes until he stood naked in the middle of the room. Neither Kieran nor Nicholas were particularly bothered with nudity – werewolves rarely were – but colour rose in Derek’s cheeks as he stood there, the hands by his sides clenching into fists, now and then twitching slightly in the direction of his crotch. Nicholas had swiftly rid himself of his shirt while Derek undressed, and the faint string of dark hairs peeking up from the waistline of his black jeans was... strangely hypnotizing.

“This body is mine,” Nicholas said with quiet intensity. He pushed the leash down into the waistline of his jeans before reaching out with both hands and stroking Derek’s chest gently. “Mine to see, mine to touch, mine to play with. Is it not?”

“Yes, sir,” Derek responded breathlessly, arousal swirling around him and mingling with that of Nicholas. “Yours.”

Irrational jealousy once more flared in Kieran’s heart as he remembered Nicholas saying that same word to _him_ earlier. He ignored it, pushed it aside, and leaned back against the wall, folding his arms over his chest as he settled in to see just what the hell Nicholas got up to.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Based on the tags and where the last chapter ended, I don't think I should need to warn people that this chapter contains bondage, spanking and sex. But there you are ;)  
> I meant to hold off a little longer before updating, but it just felt mean to do it, even if it would give me longer time to stay ahead. So I guess for the next two weeks or so you can expect updates to be at the most two days apart ^^; Probably every day, unless I get so caught up with RL stuff I forget.

_Kieran_

 

Kieran watched as Nicholas hand slid down Derek’s body and made him shiver, drawing a whimper from the boy as he bypassed his crotch altogether and lightly tickled the insides of his thighs.

“On the bench, boy,” Nicholas whispered into Derek’s ear, just barely loud enough for werewolf ears to overhear. “I’m going to put some colour in those cheeks. Not because you’ve been bad or need to be punished; I’m going to spank you simply because I can.” His hand slid around Derek’s thigh and up to cup his right buttock, squeezing lightly, smiling at the spike of desire in Derek’s scent. Then he stepped back, dropping his hands. Derek swayed slightly toward him, drawing a trembling breath, but then nodded.

“Yes, sir.” His steps seemed a bit unsteady as he crossed over to the weird-looking, padded bench, his cock turgid and heavy between his legs, fighting gravity and succeeding enough to jut out at a forty-five degree angle. And Kieran realized just what the bench was for when Derek draped himself over it, kneeling on all fours on the lower shelves, his belly and chest flat against the top. The strips of leather also made sense, as Nicholas fastened them over wrists, ankles and waist, buckling them on so tightly that Derek wouldn’t be able to escape. The lust in the air didn’t recede, but was joined by a small hint of fear and trepidation.

“Such a white ass,” Nicholas drawled, one hand caressing Derek’s buttocks. “That won’t do.” He raised his eyes to meet Kieran’s, and for a moment a hint of worry crossed his face. Kieran didn’t move a muscle, only stared back, doing his best to remain neutral. He didn’t need Nicholas to change his usual methods just because he was here; that would defeat the purpose of being here. After a moment, Nicholas blinked slowly, lowering his head briefly in... acknowledgement? Acceptance? Determination? Whatever it was, he seemed calm again, his smile back in place.

He started out lightly, his hand almost tapping against Derek’s ass, making the boy shiver and actually attempt to push back. If Kieran’s eyes hadn’t been glued to the sight of Nicholas’ hand landing on skin, he’d probably have missed the way Derek arched his back, raising his arse maybe half an inch in anticipation of the next hit, the belt over his waist preventing him from doing much more than that. No words came from the human, but his whimpers and moans, his very body language, even his scent... they all begged for more. Even when Nicholas put more power behind, the boy didn’t hesitate. He didn’t even seem to care that the skin of his buttocks was starting to go red, almost as if he was blushing. Now and then, Nicholas paused, stroking Derek’s arse until the boy calmed down again and relaxed against the bench.

Kieran’s mouth felt dry, and he wished he didn’t have to watch this. It seemed... indecent, somehow, as if spanking another guy was somehow a very intimate act instead of the borderline abuse it should have been. But faced with the intensity of the pleasure Derek found in the act, Kieran couldn’t maintain it was abuse. Still, he was grateful when Nicholas stepped back. He was hoping it was over but had a sinking feeling it wasn’t.

The feeling was proved right when Nicholas instead of releasing the human crossed over to the cabinet on the wall, opening its doors to reveal a multitude of various whips, paddles and crops. Derek turned his head to see; Kieran could hear his faint gasp.

“Eyes down, boy,” Nicholas said without turning around, and Kieran had to grin as Derek gasped again and quickly looked down at the floor in front of him again. A normal human wouldn’t have been able to interpret the sounds and scents, and he was sure that to Derek it seemed like Nicholas really had eyes in the back of his head.

Nicholas picked down a multi-tailed whip on a short handle, letting the strands sway slightly as he walked back to Derek. “Feel free to beg and scream, boy... I’m not going to stop until _I_ think you’ve had enough.” Alarm shot through Kieran, worry that the tone was changing for something darker and more dangerous, but for some reason, the words only made Derek moan and nod, his arousal growing.

It felt surreal, watching like this, scenting Derek’s arousal as Nicholas swatted him with that whip, hearing him gasp and moan and beg ‘sir’ to stop, to give him more, to stop again, finally claiming he couldn’t take any more. Nicholas refused him every time, varying the speed and strength of his blows, riding that edge of Derek’s arousal with such expertise that Kieran had to admit he was impressed. And also just a little bit envious. Not because he wanted to hurt someone, of course – well, unless they’d deserved it by breaking his rules, few as they were, but even then he didn’t give in to that urge, because it was wrong – but because Derek’s submission was beautiful. The image of Nicholas bent over that bench, bright red stripes across his bare, blushing buttocks, flashed past his mind, making him clench his jaw and adjust his stance ever so discreetly as his cock hardened. He quenched the surge of embarrassment as quickly as it came; it was a perfectly natural reaction to the heady scent in the room and nothing he could do anything about. It had nothing to do with him wanting to take Nicholas’ role in this.

He was relieved when Nicholas put aside the whip – cat o’ nine? Was that still the term when it had at least twenty or so tails? – dropping it to the floor, until Nicholas instead put his hands to Derek’s arse again. This time he didn't hit, only stroked those reddened buttocks, squeezing them and making Derek gasp, whimper and moan. Derek didn’t move, didn’t flinch from Nicholas’ hands, and there was something almost peaceful about how he lay there. His body was almost completely relaxed despite the sounds that escaped him. Gratitude, pleasure and a deep sense of trust swirled around him, and just like Nicholas’ attention seemed focused entirely on the human, so did Derek seem to have forgotten that anything other than Nicholas existed.

“That’s it, boy,” Nicholas said, his voice both soft and commanding at the same time. “Give it all up to me.”

“Please, sir,” Derek moaned softly, shivering when Nicholas’ hands slid down to the lower edges of his arse. “Please let me serve you.”

Nicholas was quiet for a few moments, tilting his head slightly to the side as he seemed to consider the request. Then he smiled down at Derek’s back. “Yes. I think I will have you do that.” He slid his thumbs into the crack between Derek’s buttocks, making the boy gasp and then moan. Kieran tried not to look at Derek’s cock twitching where it hung, but he couldn’t escape the spike of fresh arousal in the air. Nor could he avoid hearing Derek’s almost disappointed sigh as Nicholas let go of him and took half a step back.

Nicholas clearly heard it as well, his eyes narrowing slightly. His entire demeanour read displeased, but his scent told Kieran he was more amused than angry. “Was that a complaint I heard, boy?”

Derek hung his head even lower. “No, sir. I’m sorry, sir.”

“Really?” Nicholas’ voice was cynical, but Kieran could see him pulling a foil package from his pocket with one hand, the other sliding his fly down as quietly as possible. “I think it was. I think that perhaps you’re not as honest in your submission as you claim.” Even as he spoke, he opened the package and rolled the condom onto his erection, using the sound of his voice to mask what he was doing. Kieran’s lips twitched slightly in amusement; since werewolves were immune to almost every disease, the condom was completely unnecessary. But on the other hand, a human wouldn’t know that, and Kieran remembered the boy’s mention of condoms and lube during the discussion beforehand.

“No, sir, I–”

“Quiet, boy,” Nicholas interrupted calmly, drawing out a tube as well, quietly flipping the lid open. “I am not interested in your apologies.” He squeezed out a dollop onto his cock and used two fingers of his left hand to spread it out. “I am only interested in your submission. Who do you belong to, boy?”

Derek drew a trembling breath, visibly relaxing. “You, sir.”

“Can I do what I want with you?”

“Yes, sir.”

“And if I should choose not to allow you to serve me with your hole?” Nicholas briefly crouched down to quietly lay the tube down on the floor, before straightening and stepping in close behind Derek.

Derek swallowed. “Your choice, sir.”

“Yes,” Nicholas said, baring his teeth briefly in a grin. “It is.”

He wiped his lube-covered fingers on his jeans and gripped Derek’s buttocks firmly, squeezing them and making Derek whimper, the sound a mixture of pain and gratitude and pleasure. And then, in an almost fluid movement, Nicholas pulled Derek’s buttocks apart with his fingers, using his thumbs to push his cock down into the right position. His knees bent as he pushed forward and down. For a brief moment, he paused, but then Derek let out a strangled cry as Nicholas’ hips moved in even closer, until he was pressed up against Derek’s bright red arse.

“Thank you, sir!” Derek cried out as Nicholas pulled back and thrust forward again, taking him far too roughly in Kieran’s eyes. “Oh, God,” the human whimpered, his fingers clenching around the edge of the padded shelf his elbows rested on. Kieran could see his erection flagging a little, but while the scent of his pain increased, he was still aroused and there was no scent of blood in the air.

“Good boy,” Nicholas grunted as he thrust into Derek’s body again and again. “Give your body to me.”

“Yes, sir,” Derek gasped out.

“Just focus on serving me; this is not for your pleasure but for mine.” He shifted his hips a little, making Derek cry out again, this time almost entirely with pleasure. His erection twitched and firmed up again. “Your deliciously tight arse mine to take.” Another thrust with that angle, and Derek threw his head back, stared up into the ceiling with his mouth open, flooding the room with the instant increase of need and arousal. A keening wail erupted from his throat.

“Please, sir, please please please...”

“No. My pleasure. Not yours.” Each short sentence was punctuated with another of those thrusts. Derek’s arousal grew stronger, headier. Nicholas stopped, halfway out.

“I’m sorry, sir, oh please, I’m so sorry. I’m yours, please do what you want with me.” Derek was babbling, his body tense.

Nicholas smiled, drew one hand away from Derek’s hips and reached in between them. A brief pause, while Derek most likely did his best not to attempt to push back onto Nicholas’ cock – as much as he could move – and then Nicholas flicked his fingers sharply against Derek’s scrotum.

Derek made a noise somewhere between a squeak and a wail, his pain spiking and his erection going down just a little. But the strange thing was that while his physical arousal went down, the sense of _satisfaction_ coming from him went up. The sense that even though it had been painful and removed some of the pleasure, it had been exactly the right thing to do. “Yes, sir, thank you, sir,” the boy gasped out, almost stumbling over the words.

“You’re welcome, boy,” Nicholas chuckled as he started to move again, pulling Derek’s hips back the scant inch they could move to meet his every thrust. But apparently he was as close as Derek had been, because he soon sped up even more, his pace growing slightly erratic, and then he threw his head back, closing his eyes as his body arched backwards as if he could drive his hips _inside_ Derek’s body. Two more short thrusts, a third, and then he slumped forward over Derek, resting his knuckles on the arm rests to support himself.

Derek shuddered beneath him. “Thank you, sir,” he whispered. “For allowing me to serve you.”

“You’re mine, boy,” Nicholas whispered back. Reaching back with one hand, he held himself as he straightened his legs and pulled out. He swiftly removed the condom and tied it up, tossing it toward a waste basket in a corner and almost hitting it, before leaning down again and unbuckling the bindings around Derek’s limbs and waist. “Now clean me up.”

“Sir?” Derek slowly climbed off the bench as Nicholas stood back. He turned around, but didn’t raise his gaze from the floor.

“I want to feel your tongue on my cock,” Nicholas clarified, smirking slightly as Derek’s arousal flared. “I want you to taste the pleasure your body gave me.” Another flare.

Derek dropped to his knees abruptly, as if his legs were too weak to keep him upright. Fortunately, the plastic flooring was soft enough that there was a thud rather than a clonk as his knees hit the floor. “Yes, sir.” His voice was a hoarse breath, barely audible. He leaned forward slightly, opening his mouth. Nicholas accommodated him by pushing his hips just a little bit closer, one hand coming down to stroke Derek’s head as the boy took his cock into his mouth.

As blow jobs go, it wasn’t a good one, but then again it wasn’t really a blow job either, was it? Derek’s eyes fluttered shut as he moaned around Nicholas’ soft cock, and Kieran imagined his tongue swirling around the shaft and head. Nicholas’ hand kept stroking Derek’s mouse-brown hair. For a brief second, his eyes flicked over to where Kieran stood. Emotions flashed across his face, too quickly for Kieran to read, too subtle to reflect in his scent. Then he averted his eyes, looked down at Derek once more, and what Kieran could see of his face was calm and in control again.

“Such a good boy,” he praised softly, then slowly, gently, began to guide Derek’s head up and down his length. As the human’s mouth slid off it, Kieran could see it was starting to thicken again, just a little bit. The moan Derek gave was one of surprise, but it didn’t last long. Soon he was fully into it, using his lips and tongue to stimulate the cock in his mouth as Nicholas slowly pulled his head up and down. Once or twice Derek stiffened momentarily as Nicholas thrust too deep, a choking cough escaping him when Nicholas pulled back again, but again Nicholas seemed to ride that edge between pleasure and discomfort. Kieran had no idea how someone could draw pleasure from going down on someone else, but clearly Derek somehow did.

When Nicholas stepped back from Derek, the boy reached out with his tongue as if he didn’t want to lose the contact, leaning forward against the firm hand on his head, in his hair. Then he let out a sigh and settled back on his heels, lowering his buttocks slowly that last inch but not flinching when his heels pressed into them. He lowered his head and rested his hands on his thighs, ignoring the hard-on between them. He said nothing, merely waited for Nicholas to indicate what he wanted.

Nicholas was also hard, his shaft glistening with saliva. He reached into his pocket once more, pulling out another foil package. Derek’s heartbeat sped up when he heard the sound, his breathing a little deeper, a little quicker, but he said nothing and didn’t look up.

For a few seconds, nothing happened. Then Nicholas opened the package and started rolling the condom onto his length again. “On the bench, boy, on your back.”

Derek scrambled to his feet and hurried to obey. His body too long for the bench, he set his feet to the floor, spreading his legs apart. Nicholas lifted his legs by the knees, however, folding him almost double.

“Hold yourself open to me,” he instructed, and Derek obediently wrapped his arms around the crooks of his knees, keeping his legs in place even when Nicholas let go of them. Nicholas picked up the tube of lube again, squeezing out some more onto his erection. This time he flipped the lid closed again – the audible _click_ as it snapped shut made it clear why he hadn’t done so the last time – before dropping it to the floor once more and rubbing the lube all over his cock.

He met Derek’s eyes across his body, gave him a predatory smile that made Derek shiver with anticipation, and knelt down on top of the leg rests of the bench, bringing him down to a more convenient height.

“I’m going to fuck you again, boy,” he purred. Derek nodded, his eyes wide and almost completely black. “You will take it.” Another nod. “You will let me take my pleasure from your hole, without any expectations.” One more nod. “Whether I let you come or not is secondary; this is about _my_ pleasure. Isn’t that so?”

“Yes, sir,” Derek breathed, desire and arousal oozing off of him like smoke from a smoke machine, almost as sweet. “I’m yours.”

Nicholas leaned in, nudging one hand in under Derek’s waist to rest on the bench while the other held his cock steady as he slowly pushed against Derek’s sphincter. This time, there was barely any hesitation before Derek’s body opened up to his cock, letting him slide home in a single movement.

“Look at me, boy,” Nicholas instructed when Derek groaned and closed his eyes, then smiled as they flew open again. His voice was still that almost hypnotic purr. “Focus on me, on my cock inside your hole. Your only job is to serve me, to open up and let me inside.”

Derek blinked a few times, his mouth slack and open, but his head twitched into a barely-there nod. His breathing was shallow, trembling, but he didn’t take his eyes off of Nicholas again, even when the wolf started thrusting. Nicholas went slow this time, each thrust ending with a slight twist of his hips that made Derek draw in his breath a little heavier.

For some reason, that was worse to watch than the rough coupling earlier. This was softer, more intimate, and Kieran clenched his hands around his elbows, forcing himself to remain where he was and _not_ run up to them and pull them apart. The urge was irrational, and the only thing he could think to blame it on was the heavy need in the air, the roiling arousal that seemed to have spread across all three of them.

Nicholas slowly sped up, then slowed down again, then sped up once more, keeping his pace irregular and random. Soon Derek was whimpering, his erection tightly pressed against his belly, seeping precome into his navel, but he still didn’t look away from Nicholas, even when his arms clutched his legs so tightly the skin around his fingers turned white.

“Shh,” Nicholas soothed, scraping his nails lightly along the soft backside of Derek’s thighs and making his feet twitch. “Submit everything to me, boy.”

Another of those miniscule, barely-there nods. “Yes, sir.” His voice was trembling, soft. For another few moments, his body remained tense as Nicholas kept moving in and out of him, but then he gradually started to relax. The expression in his face softened, and the only thing Kieran could liken it to was that sappy look people in love have... after they’ve had a few drinks too many. Derek stared up at Nicholas, as if amazed by him, perhaps by the entire situation.

Nicholas lowered his hips a smidge, changing the angle, and Derek’s eyes widened even further, his mouth opening as he drew in a deep breath, but while his cock twitched and drooled and his scent grew even heavier with arousal he remained soft and pliant on the bench. Nicholas kept at it, his nostrils flaring as he took in Derek’s scent, his eyes sharp and alert through his own need. Kieran almost held his breath as the emotions spiralled upwards until it felt as though he’d come in his own pants without a single touch.

“Come for me, boy. Come now,” Nicholas urged, and Kieran’s balls tightened almost automatically. But it wasn’t his cock that spasmed, his balls that spent their seed. Derek arched up where he lay on the bench, spraying his belly, chest and even face with semen. Nicholas groaned, thrust once, as deep as he could go, and obviously spent himself as well.

They remained like that, bodies tense and trembling, for several long seconds as Derek’s cock twitched and spewed more seed onto his body. Even after that, neither of them moved, something Kieran was rather thankful for, as it gave him the opportunity to do his best to calm his own body down, even if the lust and spent desire in the air made sure he didn’t make much headway on that. Then, after what seemed like minutes, Nicholas groaned again, slipping his hands in beneath Derek’s waist to support himself on the bench rather than Derek’s body, and relaxed. His elbows trembled slightly and his back shone with perspiration as he leaned down and pressed a soft kiss to Derek’s lips, then his forehead, and then his tongue flicked out to lick a small spatter of semen off Derek’s cheek.

“Well done,” he whispered to the equally trembling and exhausted boy. “You okay?”

Derek drew a shuddering breath, and nodded.

“Here,” Nicholas said, shifting his weight a little and putting his right hand lightly on Derek’s thigh. “Put your legs around me, and hold on tight.”

Derek slowly let go of his legs and wrapped arms and legs around Nicholas’ torso, crossing his ankles and clutching his left wrist in his right.

“Good boy,” Nicholas praised, before straightening and lifting Derek off the bench. His now soft cock started to slip out, and he snapped his free hand to the base to grab hold of the condom and prevent it from slipping off too early. Derek buried his face against Nicholas’ neck, closing his eyes, only to open them again when Nicholas stood up and turned to sit down on the end of the bench, settling Derek onto his lap.

Kieran watched Nicholas stroke Derek’s back gently, whispering soothing words in his ear, praising him for being so good, for daring to go so deep, for giving Nicholas such a precious gift. Then he saw Nicholas look up and meet his eyes, before the younger wolf lifted one hand off Derek’s back to point at the small mini fridge.

Letting out his breath in a soft sigh, Kieran pushed himself off the wall. Nicholas gave him a grateful smile, which he accepted as the thank-you it was intended as. Pulling the fridge door open, he found it was filled with bottles of still water. He turned his head and raised a querying eyebrow at Nicholas, who nodded briefly with another smile, holding up his hand with two fingers out. Shrugging to himself, Kieran plucked out two of the bottles, nudged the door closed with his leg, and crossed the room to hand the bottles over.

Nicholas took them both in one hand, then transferred one of them to his other and laid it down on the bench before opening the one he still held.

“Here, you need water,” he told Derek softly while Kieran returned to his position by the door. By the time he leaned back onto the wall again to watch the other two, Derek was sitting back a little on Nicholas’ lap, holding the bottle with both hands as he tilted his head back and drank. Nicholas, it seemed, was taking advantage of having both hands free by slipping off the condom, tying it off and tossing it as well toward the waste basket, this time missing entirely. The movement made Derek sway, and Nicholas quickly steadied him by wrapping his arms loosely around the boy’s waist.

“Thank you, sir,” Derek whispered once he’d lowered the now half-empty bottle.

Nicholas smiled. “You’re welcome. And thank _you_ , Derek.”

Derek let out a small sigh and nodded. “You’re really good; no, you’re amazing. I... It was all _just right_.” Nicholas reached up to unbuckle the collar around Derek’s neck, and Derek’s hand flew up to touch it. “Do... do you have to?” Kieran couldn’t see his eyes from where he stood, but the tone in Derek’s voice was plaintive, wistful.

Nicholas gave Derek a calm look, somewhere between friendly and stern, but said nothing. After a few seconds, Derek sighed and lowered his hand. He bowed his head to give Nicholas better access to the buckle and held still as the collar was removed.

“Thank you, Derek,” Nicholas said again, gently. “Finish your water, and then I’ll help you wash off a bit.”

“Okay,” Derek sighed, though he sounded less needy this time, more grudgingly accepting. He lifted the bottle to his mouth again, while Nicholas opened the second one for himself. Kieran’s mouth watered as Nicholas tilted his head back, his Adam’s apple moving up and down with each swallow. Before Nicholas noticed him staring, he averted his eyes, focusing them instead on the boy in his lap. Then the collar on the bench next to them. The whip on the floor.

He frowned, thinking about what he’d seen as Nicholas put the two bottles to the side once they were emptied and helped Derek stagger over to the sink, grabbing a washcloth from the cupboard beneath it, and wetting it before gently wiping Derek’s front. While this had all been... borderline violent, it clearly hadn’t been done against Derek’s will and he was, apparently, satisfied with everything about it. While he had no guarantees that this was how it happened every time, it was close enough to what Nicholas had described from his previous... encounter, or whatever they were called, that Kieran was willing to give him the benefit of the doubt. There had been an agreement beforehand about what Derek wasn’t willing to do, and Nicholas had been very good at keeping Derek happy.

Derek hissed slightly as Nicholas dipped the cloth in between his buttocks to wipe at his backside, and Nicholas paused. “How sore are you?”

Derek shrugged, squirming slightly under Nicholas’ suddenly hard look. “A bit. Okay, more than a bit, but it’s a _good_ kind of sore.” He looked up at Nicholas. “A scene this good _should_ have aches and pains to remind me of how good it was.”

Nicholas nodded. “Alright. Then hold still.”

“Yes, sir.” He bit back a groan as Nicholas proceeded with wiping his arse, straightening gingerly once the cloth was pulled away and dropped in the sink.

“Nick is fine, Derek. The scene’s over.”

Kieran could see the corner of Derek’s mouth twitch into a smile. “If you don’t want me calling you ‘sir’, perhaps you shouldn’t be giving me orders.”

Nicholas chuckled. “Perhaps I shouldn’t. Then, _please_ get dressed while I clean up. No, Derek, don’t argue with me. I’m not nearly as sore as you are.”

Derek seemed to swallow his argument and turned away from Nicholas. Then he froze, one foot half lifted, staring at Kieran. Colour slowly rose in his cheeks till they were as red as his buttocks. Kieran didn’t meet his gaze; he quite pointedly ignored the human and kept his eyes on Nicholas.

“What’s wro–? Oh.” Nicholas cut himself off as he followed Derek’s attention to Kieran. He shivered slightly, then lowered his eyes almost demurely. “I thought I told you to ignore him.” His voice was still firm and confident, anything but demure. The contrast between what his body language and his words communicated was... both confusing and somehow enticing. Kieran was glad Derek only had Nicholas’ voice to go on.

“Y-yes, sir,” Derek acknowledged, but it was apparently enough to free him from his temporary paralysis, as Kieran heard him pad across the floor, heard the rustling of cloth against cloth, then cloth against skin, and then the slow hiss as Derek pulled his underwear and jeans up over his backside. Still, Kieran didn’t take his eyes off of Nicholas. Was this what Nicholas liked to do? Was it his way of compensating for his lack of strength as a werewolf? Could he... Could he allow Nicholas to continue with this? Technically, he couldn’t really come up with a good argument for it, not without talking through what had happened with Nicholas, but his instincts screamed at him to forbid Nicholas from doing this. From _being_ this. That Nicholas had no right to do anything other than submit to him. Night, what was going on with him? How could he be this close to losing control of his baser instincts?

“Thanks again, Nick,” Derek said. “I’ll... head out now, if that’s okay.”

“You’re sure you’re fine?”

“I’m sure.” The smile was evident in Derek’s voice.

“Then it’s okay. Take care of yourself, now, you hear?”

A brief chuckle. “Yes, sir.” There was a short, hesitant pause. “I’ll... see you around, then?”

Nicholas hesitated as well, his eyes flickering up to land on Kieran for a heartbeat or two. “See you around, Derek.”

Kieran barely noticed Derek going past him, though he glanced down once when the boy paused to look up at him. “Sir,” Derek said politely, with a nod of his head, before reaching for the door handle, opening the door, and slipping outside. The door closed with a quiet click behind him.

Nicholas picked up the two condoms off the floor, dropping them in the waste bin. And that’s when Kieran’s patience ran out. He wasn’t himself quite sure why Nicholas touching those used condoms was the final straw, but he pushed off the wall, a growl rising from his throat, and slowly prowled closer.

Hearing the growl, Nicholas froze, and the self-assurance that had filled him until now seemed to dissolve. Evaporate. Just as slowly as Kieran was approaching, he turned around, then lowered himself to his knees, bowing his head submissively and resting his hands loosely on his thighs.

A thrill of pleasure ran down Kieran’s spine at the instant display of humility, even if it was closer to the lines of the submission that had taken place here than that of the pack. Or perhaps _because_ it was closer to this variety of submission? No, Kieran told himself. He had no interest in whipping someone, of tying them down and fucking them. It wasn’t _those_ things the wolf part of him reacted to; it was just the displays of dominance and submission. What was it Nicholas had called it? The power exchange? The power exchange that now held him in its thrall, insisting that he reassert his own dominance over the omega, remind him of his proper place in the pack.

“Master,” Nicholas whispered softly. Kieran stopped next to him, but didn’t say anything. Instead he bent over to grab another towel from the cabinet, wetting it. He pointedly ignored the towel already discarded in the sink. It smelled of the human boy.

Crouching down next to Nicholas, he wiped his bare chest and arms, his face, his hands, his back. Then he opened Nicholas jeans, almost tearing the fly open, and scrubbed at the not-quite-as-flaccid-as-it-should-be cock. Another growl escaped him as he realized the boy’s scent was all over this towel as well now, and he dumped it in the sink before grabbing yet another one and repeating the process.

Nicholas didn’t move, barely let out a gasp as Kieran scrubbed just a bit too roughly at his cock. Finally, Kieran rubbed at the spot of lube on Nicholas’ jeans, not that it did much good, and tried to wipe off as much of the human scent off his thighs as he could. Then, only then, did he start to feel calm enough to think, instead of only reacting on instinct.

“Sorry,” he said gruffly.

Nicholas shook his head slightly. “No, Master,” he said softly, his tone exquisitely submissive. “There’s no need to apologize.”

“You smelled wrong,” Kieran offered as explanation. Nicholas still didn’t smell right, but it was better. Tolerable. If asked, he wasn't even sure how to explain what the 'right' smell would be, only that this wasn't it, that it needed to be... That _Nicholas_ needed to be... The wolf side of him knew the last word of that sentence was 'marked', but his human side refused to accept it, refusing the thought that Nicholas was just some _thing_ to be claimed like that. Nicholas was a person, with rights of his own.

“I understand, Master. Will... will you make me smell right? Please?”

For a moment, Kieran stared at him, not sure if Nicholas even knew what he was asking for. Then he gave in and stopped fighting his instincts. “Lie down,” he growled. Nicholas shivered, the scent of his arousal so much sweeter than that of Derek’s, but he swiftly obeyed, falling back onto the floor and unfolding his legs. He tilted his head to the side and half closed his eyes.

Kieran frowned. They were too close to the wall; he’d have to squeeze past the waste basket, from which the scent of the condoms still came strong, to circle Nicholas. “Middle of the floor. Now.”

With a smooth movement, Nicholas rolled over onto his belly, then pushed himself up onto all fours. He could have climbed to his feet, but it pleased Kieran that he didn’t even try. The sight of Nicholas crawling toward the centre of the room satisfied the alpha in him on such a primal level that it hadn’t even occurred to him that he needed that kind of show of submission. He didn’t follow until Nicholas had stopped and once more settled down on his back, in the same position as before.

Nicholas trembled as Kieran crouched down over him, his scent a confusing jumble of fear, trepidation, arousal and need. Kieran hesitated, not yet touching the submissive werewolf. “You’re shaking,” he said. “Why?”

He could hear Nicholas swallow. His heart beat once, twice, and then Nicholas opened his mouth to answer, his voice soft, barely audible. “Because I’ve been wanting this for so long, because I’m terrified of doing something wrong, of making you stop. Because I never even dared to hope I’d be in this position.”

Kieran bared his teeth, suddenly and inexplicably angry. If this was what Nicholas wanted, if he was so submissive he actually _wanted_ Kieran to mark him with his scent... Why had he been soliciting humans? Why had he been... dominating them? The wolf in him wanted to bite, hold Nicholas down until he understood to never do something like this again. The human side wanted to understand, wanted to make sure Nicholas wouldn’t prefer it if he left, wanted to be absolutely certain he hadn’t misunderstood anything. He hesitated, and the wolf in him grew increasingly frustrated and annoyed over the delay.

Pain and grief reached his nose, together with the saltiness of tears. He blinked and looked down at Nicholas; his face was pale and very carefully neutral, but the tears leaking from his still half-closed eyes would have betrayed him even to a human. The part of him that was still angry wanted to leave Nicholas to his pain, but... He couldn’t do that. Not when that would keep Kieran from putting everything _right_. And that’s when he knew he couldn’t let Nicholas take on a human again, doing those things to them. Not while Nicholas was in his pack. Not while... while Nicholas was _his_.

“If I do this,” he growled, needing to make it clear. “If I do this, you never, _ever_ play the dominant wolf with humans again.” Nicholas’ heart stumbled and then rushed to catch up. He didn’t move, other than to bite his lip almost nervously. “If you don’t think you can keep yourself from doing that, tell me now.”

“Yes, Master,” Nicholas whispered. “Never again. I understand.”


	3. Chapter 3

_Nicholas_

 

When Kieran had called him out that way in the club, pulled him aside, Nicholas hadn’t known what to think. Though to be honest, he hadn’t really been able to think clearly at all; Kieran’s presence was so powerful, so strong, so _close_ that Nicholas’ senses had been reeling. He didn’t know if it was the atmosphere in the club, or that he’d been completely unprepared or some other reason he was as of yet unaware of, but Kieran seemed even more dominant than usual. It had been a struggle to hold back the title that so obviously was Kieran’s, while trying to answer the questions Kieran had asked. It had been such a shameful relief to tell him how much he longed for the power exchange. He’d only hoped that Kieran wouldn’t ask him why he always took the dominant role in scenes. And then Kieran had ordered him to say the word he’d been trying not to say. Master. He’d done his best to hold out, known it wasn’t what Kieran wanted, known it would just make things awkward, but there was nothing he could do about it. He just _couldn’t_ disobey Kieran, not when there was only one answer to give, when the question had been that specific. So he’d said it. And then scrambled for an apology, trying to explain himself, almost holding his breath in an attempt to avoid scenting what had to be annoyance.

But Kieran had surprised him. Had told him it was fine, even said it was true, ‘in a way’. Probably only meant it in terms of being pack leader. As if that was the only reason Nicholas thought of him that way. But he’d taken it, and taken it gratefully. If it was one thing Nicholas had learned during his four months in this pack, it was that Kieran wasn’t a traditional alpha at all, and he’d never shown any interest in having Nicholas serve him, the way he’d served his previous pack. The way he’d come to expect, even look forward to, serving.

There had been difficult questions then, asking him what he did when he took his temporary submissives. Part of him was ready to give Kieran a full list of everything he’d done, but surely that wouldn’t be welcome? So he’d avoided the full answer, giving one that would force Kieran to further specify his question. Kieran’s reaction, unfortunately, wasn’t one he’d expected. Kieran had leaned in close, as if trying to _dominate_ the answer from Nicholas, and he was so damn near to succeeding, to having Nicholas abase himself, baring his throat... By the time Kieran _had_ specified, asking for information about the latest scene, he could barely think at all; Kieran’s pheromones were swarming him, and he was drowning. With his last breath, or so it had seemed, he’d managed to beg the alpha to back off a little, to give him space. Fortunately, Kieran didn’t quite seem to understand how close he’d been to winning completely, because he obliged him by backing off, giving Nicholas space to breathe.

It had taken him a few seconds to even remember what Kieran had been asking him, but he’d remembered before he’d had to be reminded; surely Kieran wouldn’t have enjoyed repeating himself. The last time... He’d almost let out a sigh of relief. The last one had been a relatively mild one; he’d had submissives who literally got off on the pain, and he’d had submissives who’d been adamant that he shouldn’t allow them orgasms. Kieran seemed so unfamiliar with the scene in general that it would have been difficult to explain without making it seem a lot worse than it had been. Even so, it had been difficult to keep calm, to recount what he’d done to her – Miriam, he remembered her name was – without allowing himself to manipulate Kieran with the tone of his voice. He didn’t dare look up at the alpha, to see the judgement he was sure was there, even if he couldn’t escape the sharp, almost pungent tone to Kieran’s scent. A tone that hinted of unease at the very least, but more likely disgust and horror. He hadn’t been able to keep himself from revealing that he’d satisfied her, but he should have. Oh, he should have, because it sparked off a cloud of anger that almost bowled Nicholas over.

He’d done something wrong, something terribly wrong, and Kieran was angry with him. And then it had hit him what he’d done wrong. He’d been engaging in dominance plays without consulting with his superiors, without asking permission. He hadn’t known; he’d never needed to ask before, his last pack had even _owned_ a club, so he hadn’t known... But no, that couldn’t be it, not when Kieran didn’t even seem to know more than the very basics of BDSM, if even that. No, it had to be that they didn’t allow it at all here; some of the wolves came here, but he’d never actually seen any of them play. Or maybe the rules were different for an omega. Peter hadn’t indicated that anything was wrong with him being here when he’d shown Nicholas around and made some introductions, but maybe Peter hadn’t known either. Or maybe Peter had tried to set him up? Maybe he hadn’t expected Nicholas to actually _play_? Either way, he hadn’t known, but that wasn’t an excuse. He’d been babbling, whining his apologies, hoping he wouldn’t be thrown out of the pack. Anything would be better than that, better than being alone again, without the comfort of _belonging_. A question had been asked, and he’d answered before even considering what the question was, not caring that it might put him in a worse light than he already was, swearing he hadn’t known he wasn’t allowed to...

Kieran had told him to be quiet, and that was it. No more apologies, no more pleas. He’d asked Nicholas if ‘this had gone on’ his entire time in the pack. Unable to voice his reply and disobey a direct order, Nicholas had nodded. Then he’d panicked, realizing that wasn’t entirely true, but all he could do was add a shake of his head. Yes and no. He couldn’t explain, couldn’t answer properly... And then the order to give the answer came, and it was more than he could have hoped for. He’d made sure to thank his alpha, his master, properly first, before providing the answer he’d been wanting to give but unable to.

Kieran’s next question was both a shock and a relief, revealing that the pack leader hadn’t known what his order had meant, but then came the death knell. It wasn’t that he’d wanted Nicholas to be quiet altogether, it was just that he didn’t want any more apologies.

He’d been sure, then. No apologies, no assurances that it wouldn’t happen again, no pleas for a punishment, any punishment, as long as he wasn’t rejected from the pack. All he had left to do was wait for Kieran to announce what would happen to him. He hadn’t know what to expect, but he was desperately hoping for pain, humiliation, even death... anything and everything would be better than the hollowness of being a lone wolf. No, worse than that, a lone omega. He couldn’t do that again. Wouldn’t do that again.

One more time. His heart had almost stopped and he seemed to forget how to breathe when he heard Kieran announce his will. Nicholas was to do it again, with Kieran watching. What was the purpose? Was Kieran looking to incriminate Nicholas further? Or was it mere curiosity, wanting to see what actually happened? And night help him, but the thought of Kieran watching him, judging him, controlling him... it went straight to his cock.

He’d agreed readily, but had to ask if he could have any hope of Kieran actually joining... and then, the moment after asking, he’d regretted it. Oh, how he’d regretted it. Kieran’s disgust was worse than a blow to the face, and he’d tried to cover his smashed hopes by pretending he’d just asked for the sake of negotiations. And then Kieran confused him even further by practically oozing predatory glee and coming closer, revealing that he’d be watching _Nicholas_ , not his scene partner.

But his automatic reaction to Kieran’s suddenly close dominance made something else obvious; with Kieran present, there was no way he’d be able to suppress his submissiveness, no way he’d be able to become what his scene partner would need. The shame of having to admit that, of needing to beg Kieran to stay far away... Of having to admit how Kieran’s presence affected him... accidentally admitting that he belonged to Kieran; he could only hope that Kieran had believed his excuse of everyone in the pack technically belonging to the pack leader. For a heartbeat, Nicholas wished he’d never become part of this pack, even as he hated himself for that wish.

Kieran had ordered him to stand, and to meet his eyes. And then... then he’d _ordered_ Nicholas to be dominant enough, just for tonight. It took Nicholas a second or two to process the order, but once he had... Oh, it was so easy, his dominant persona flowing up over him like water. Because he’d been told to. It was even easy to smile at Kieran, to meet that silver-grey stare, to speak to him like he would to someone his equal, or close enough to equal. He’d asked Kieran to wait by the bar, unable to just tell him to do it, still needing Kieran to confirm that it was okay.

He’d gotten his permission, and he’d gone to find a sub for a scene. It hadn’t been difficult to sniff one out, quite literally; Derek had so obviously been a submissive in search for temporary release that it had been ridiculous. Sure, there had been a few women in the same situation as well, but... Part of him had wanted to show Kieran that he had no issues with being intimate with another man. He’d asked a few brief questions to determine his level of interest, especially regarding having someone watch – and to confirm that Derek wasn’t too extreme in his desires. Unable to say the real reason for Kieran’s decision to watch – even if he’d known it – he said it was for security reasons. Derek had been okay with the thought of that, so he’d brought Derek back to the bar and offered him a drink during negotiations, discreetly before they arrived indicating Kieran as the one to be watching.

Negotiations had gone smoothly, without any big surprises or reveals. Derek was charmingly naïve, blushing at his admission of wanting to be taken without stretching, of needing that pain of being claimed. Recognizing the need in himself, Nicholas hadn’t made a big deal of it, though Derek’s sudden spark of worry that Nicholas was endowed had been slightly amusing. To be honest, it was difficult to not glance over at Kieran; Kieran was, he knew, larger than he was, large enough that it would be difficult to take him... but the realization that Kieran wasn’t likely to ever be interested in that definitely helped him focus on Derek instead.

With Derek temporarily collared and leashed – he didn’t want to consider what Kieran was thinking about it, shut his worries away inside the submissive corner of his head to deal with later – he’d led the two men backstage, to the play room he wanted. They were all different, but could judge well enough by Derek’s responses both before and during negotiation to choose the one most suited to him.

Some part of him was always amused at his domination of others; even when he was acting as dominant as he possibly could, it was never about _his_ needs. No, it was always about the needs of his play partner. The phrase ‘topping from the bottom’ was a common one within the BDSM community, signifying those submissives who couldn’t keep themselves from trying to manipulate their dominant into doing what _they_ wanted. Nicholas... was rather the opposite of that, wasn’t he? He never really considered his play partners his submissives except for in the most official, technical sense; he was the one servicing them by giving them what they needed, what they wanted. And since what they needed was someone to take them down, to make them fly, that was the service he gave them.

And that was the crux of the matter, wasn’t it? That was why, deep down, he didn’t do this more often, only when he couldn’t stand going without any longer. Not only because it took time to recover from suppressing his true nature like this, but also because... because while it might not _look_ like he was submitting to someone outside of the pack hierarchy – someone who wasn’t Kieran, if he were completely honest – he was. And that was _wrong_. But he needed it. He needed the power exchange. So when he couldn’t get what he needed from the pack, not this pack, with their wholesome _family_ notions, he had to make do with humans. Before joining this pack, he’d mostly submitted, but... he couldn’t do that now. Not after having met Kieran.

The scene with Derek was ordinary; the boy was free with his emotions and responses, making him easy to read, and Nicholas had no problems balancing pain and dominance just _right_ , to give Derek what he wanted. The only difficulty was ignoring Kieran’s presence. He’d almost frozen once, ending up staring at Kieran, wondering if he really should go on or if he should just apologize to Derek and call it quits. But Kieran had only stared back at him impassively, his emotions a muted cloud of pheromones around him, so intricate and confusing that Nicholas couldn’t make sense of it. After an eternity, Nicholas had accepted the unavoidable; Kieran clearly didn’t intend to interfere in the scene, or try to control it. So he’d gone back to doing what Derek wanted him to do.

He’d managed to complete it, though it had been touch and go a few times, first when Kieran’s arousal had joined his and Derek’s – though he supposed it hadn’t been too surprising – and the second time when he found himself echoing Kieran’s earlier words, saying he wasn’t interested in Derek’s apologies. The third time when Derek’s mouth was around his cock, and he couldn’t help but imagine his own mouth around Kieran’s erection. Fortunately, that wish belonged to his submissive side, and was easily ignored at the moment, disregarded as a later problem. Still, it was a relief when the aftercare was over – another reason he’d wanted a male partner tonight; men rarely required as much aftercare as women did – and Derek left the room. He felt slightly guilty that he’d more or less ordered Kieran to fetch water bottles for him; he should have thought of getting them beforehand, but he’d been distracted. He refused to let himself dwell on it, however, as he bent to pick the used condoms up from the floor where they’d fallen, and dumped them in the bin. He wasn’t about to babble any more apologies to Kieran; he was still under orders to be strong, so he’d be strong.

Until he heard that growl, so territorial, angry, dominant, possessive. That growl undid everything. His dominance shield vanished like it had never been there, and all he was left with was the ache to submit, to show his pack leader, his alpha, his _master_ that he wasn’t trying to challenge his position, wasn’t trying to be something other than the lowest of the low. He forced himself to slowly turn around, inhaling the strong, musky scent coming closer. Then he sank to his knees, bowing his head and resting his hands on his thighs. It wasn’t the position of submission used within the pack. Nicholas knew that. But... if there was hope, _any_ hope, that Kieran might be interested in sexual submission as well as hierarchal, he’d take it.

“Master,” he whispered as Kieran came close enough for his feet to enter his limited field of vision. Kieran didn’t respond, but Nicholas heard the cabinet door open, heard the rustle of terry cloth as another towel was pulled out, heard Kieran open the tap and drench the towel, heard him squeeze out excess water. He held his breath, waiting.

The touch of the wet towel shouldn’t have been a surprise, but it still was. He could feel his muscles tensing beneath it, but sent a silent thank-you that he’d managed to keep himself still. He knelt there in silence as Kieran washed his upper body, even his face, washed Derek’s scent off of him as much as he could. Why Kieran wanted to do that, he had no idea, but he wasn’t about to question his alpha. Not when his membership in the pack might be at stake. Not when... not when Kieran was acting as though he _cared_. Just the thought of that made his cock start to stir in his jeans again, despite the two recent orgasms.

He forced himself to remain still as Kieran nearly broke Nicholas’ zipper in his rush to wash Derek’s scent off said cock, forced himself to not move a muscle at the rough treatment. It hurt, just a little, but not enough to make him protest. It was Kieran’s right, he told himself.

Kieran growled again, frustrated, and grabbed another towel. Nicholas’ skin was already sensitized by the previous scrubbing, and this time he couldn’t hold back a gasp at the rough scrubbing of his cock. It was almost too much, and while he wanted to give this to Kieran, he wasn’t sure if he could without being reminded that he had to do it.

But then it was over. Kieran sat back on his heels, rubbing at Nicholas’ jeans in a futile attempt to clean them up, bringing Nicholas close to promising to throw them away. He didn’t, though, but he knew he _would_ throw them in the washing machine the moment he came home.

“Sorry,” Kieran groused, and Nicholas was almost surprised to find out it was over.

He shook his head. “No, Master,” he said, keeping his voice soft and gentle. He wasn’t so much _arguing_ with Kieran as _accepting_ him. “There’s no need to apologize.” Kieran had done nothing wrong. Part of him was saying Kieran _never_ could do anything wrong, that Nicholas would gladly accept anything he wanted to do. He tried not to listen to that part. It wasn’t what Kieran wanted of him.

“You smelled wrong,” Kieran stated.

“I understand, Master,” Nicholas said, even if he didn’t understand fully. Smelled wrong in what way? Because he smelled of human? Or... because he smelled of another male? No, surely because he didn’t smell like pack. Nicholas wasn’t sure, but he also knew it didn’t matter. He didn’t have to be sure. He just had to submit to Kieran. That was all he needed to be sure of. “Will...” He hesitated, but then plunged on. “Will you make me smell right? Please?” He’d be anything Kieran wanted, as long as it meant Kieran would want him.

For a few, long seconds, Kieran was silent. Then his dominance surged. “Lie down,” he growled, the sound and the order echoing through Nicholas, slithering down his spine and touching something deep inside of him. He didn’t hesitate before obeying, almost throwing himself back onto the plastic carpeting, stretching out his legs and resting his arms by his sides. Turning his head to the side to keep his eyes downcast, incidentally baring his neck.

Another pause, then another order. “Middle of the floor. Now.”

The clipped tones made it obvious that Kieran would brook no disobedience, even if Nicholas had been inclined to show it. But it also meant that Nicholas would show him how well he could perform, how submissive he could be. He rolled over onto his belly and pushed up on all fours, crawling his way to the middle of the room, never raising his gaze off the floor. His nostrils flared as he took in his alpha’s scent, knowing he’d done the right choice when he smelled Kieran’s satisfaction.

He lay down in the centre of the room and rolled over onto his back again, placing himself in the same position as before. He heard Kieran’s steps approaching, felt the vibrations in the floor as he came closer. Couldn’t keep himself from shivering as Kieran crouched down over him, barely held back the ‘yes, yes, please, please, please’ that circled round and round inside his head. Kieran would scent mark him, make him _his_ , and Nicholas would never have to worry about being cast out. Except what if Kieran didn’t? What if he did something wrong, something that would make Kieran decide not to mark him?

“You’re shaking. Why?”

Nicholas swallowed, but it was impossible not to answer the question. “Because I’ve been wanting this for so long, because I’m terrified of doing something wrong, of making you stop. Because I never even dared to hope I’d be in this position.”

And oh god, it was the wrong answer; he’d done exactly what he’d been scared of and now Kieran was angry with him, and he’d throw Nicholas from the pack and it was all Nicholas’ fault. His chest ached and his eyes stung, but he didn’t move. It was over. Nicholas had screwed up, and now he’d never belong to Kieran, and he didn’t have anyone to blame but himself. Just... perhaps, if he was lucky, Kieran would put him out of his misery instead of banishing him. Perhaps, if he was perfect, Kieran wouldn’t do either but only punish him like he deserved.

“If I do this,” Kieran growled. “If I do this, you never, _ever_ play the dominant wolf with humans again.” Nicholas’ heart stopped, just for a moment. He bit his lip, hardly daring to hope. He didn’t deserve such consideration, didn’t deserve– “If you don’t think you can keep yourself from doing that, tell me now.”

“Yes, Master,” Nicholas responded without a moment’s hesitation. “Never again. I understand.” Why would he do that, if he had even the smallest chance of being Kieran’s? Next to him, nothing else mattered. Even if he would just be Kieran’s pet, or a _thing_ , he’d be content. He’d give Kieran anything he asked for. He’d always been willing to do that, and if there was even the slightest chance Kieran would accept him... He’d take it. He’d take it any day.

He could hear Kieran inhale deeply, drawing in his scent. Searching for any sign of lies, Nicholas assumed. He forced himself to relax, telling himself what he’d been telling Derek earlier. He belonged to Kieran; anything Kieran did was not up to Nicholas to decide. All he had to do was accept whatever was done to him, and take it gladly because it was what Kieran wanted to do.

Then Kieran lowered himself down onto Nicholas, and he was nearly undone. Kieran’s shirt rubbed against his skin, the heat of Kieran’s body radiating from behind the cloth. Kieran’s weight pressing him down onto the floor, holding him still. Kieran’s breath hot on his neck.

He whimpered, turning his face further into the floor, baring his neck as much as he could, offering his life to Kieran’s teeth. Part of him almost expected to feel teeth burying themselves in his flesh, tearing into him, releasing his blood. It was Kieran’s right, if that was what he wanted.

There were no teeth. Instead, it was the soft and wet touch of Kieran’s tongue, tracing the path of his jugular vein, from the crook of his neck up to his jaw.

“Mine.” Kieran’s voice was a quiet, hoarse whisper, straight into Nicholas ear.

He whimpered again. “Yours, Master,” he agreed. He’d always been, hadn’t he? They’d just pretended he wasn’t. “Always yours.”

Kieran’s scent grew hot and sweet with arousal, and Nicholas could feel the hot thickness of his erection pressing down against him. Instinct had him spread his legs, but Kieran’s weight on top of him prevented him, turned the movement into a mere twitch.

“Lie still,” Kieran ordered, and there was nothing more to it. Nicholas could no more move than he could fly. He was forced to remain still, trembling with the effort to control his muscles and from the intoxicating sensations as Kieran suddenly was all over him, his mouth and tongue caressing his skin, leaving trails of wetness that chilled him until they dried.

Nicholas whimpered quietly while Kieran licked, kissed and even nibbled his way across his body, loving every moment of it yet wanting so much more. But he didn’t have any right to ask for more, he told himself, he should be happy with what he got. He was, he really was.

Kieran pushed his arms out from his sides, and Nicholas obligingly let his arms remain where Kieran left them. Kieran didn’t even tighten his grip to enforce stillness; he just moved Nicholas’ arms and then let go, as if he had not a single doubt Nicholas would obey him. Nicholas loved that confidence, felt Kieran’s dominance cover him like a blanket, filling his nose and mouth and lungs with each breath he sucked in.

He moaned as Kieran moved to mark his sides, focused on lying still and cursed the muscles in his belly jumping involuntarily now and then as Kieran found just the right spots. He wasn’t exactly ticklish; it was just a weird reflex that he had no idea where it’d come from.

“I thought I told you to be still,” Kieran murmured against his skin, the words driving a sharp dagger of pain through Nicholas’ heart. He’d disappointed Kieran; he’d failed.

“I’m sorry, Master,” he pleaded, desperate to regain his alpha’s favour. “It’s nothing I can do anything about, I swear. Please, Master, please for–”

“Shh,” Kieran said, and Nicholas snapped his mouth shut. Kieran sighed, his breath both hot and cool as it hit wet skin, and Nicholas would have whimpered in dismay at having made Kieran sigh that way... if he hadn’t been so terrified of angering Kieran further. The alpha sat up – and Nicholas was sure he’d screwed up once too many times and this was it – and scooted upwards until he could set his hands down on each side of Nicholas’ head. “Look at me.”

Helpless to resist, Nicholas opened his eyes fully and looked up at Kieran with the one eye that wasn’t nearly pressed into the floor. Rolling his eyes back like that was slightly painful, aching somewhere behind his eyeballs, but he wasn’t willing to move any more than he had to because he’d been told to be still. What he saw made him forget to breathe for a second. Kieran looked wild, strong, dominant... but calm. Not upset, not angry. His scent didn’t reveal any anger either.

Kieran lifted one hand off the floor and gently ran it down Nicholas’ cheek, along his jaw, making Nicholas struggle to keep his eyes open as they threatened to flutter closed with pleasure.

“Your submission is beautiful,” Kieran told him, and Nicholas drew in a trembling breath of hope. “I know you can’t stop involuntary twitches, and I shouldn’t have teased you about it.” Nicholas wasn’t sure he’d heard that correctly. Had Kieran just been teasing him, before? “And one more thing... I’m going to tell you something that will help you obey me better.” Nicholas’ eyes widened as he took in that, his heart leaping with joy at the opportunity. “Would you like that?”

Yes! Nicholas wanted to scream his response, but he was locked in silence, unable to even nod or blink due to the other orders he remained under.

“You can answer me.”

“Yes, Master, thank you, Master, please allow me to serve you better.” He knew he was babbling, but he didn’t seem to be able to stop himself. Not until Kieran’s finger pressed firmly across his lips, the touch making him sigh with pleasure.

“Good omega,” Kieran praised him, forcing him to bite back the keening whimper of relief that he’d done something right, that he’d said the right thing. “Whenever I order you to be quiet – unless I specify different, I want you to assume that the order only concerns that particular topic. Can you do that?”

For a moment, Nicholas hesitated; did that come into effect retroactively? But as Kieran’s finger lifted from his lips, he decided to take a chance that it did. “Yes, Master, anything you say.”

For a moment, Kieran frowned, and fear shot through Nicholas at the hint of disapproval in Kieran’s face and scent. Had he miscalculated? Hadn’t he been allowed to speak yet? But surely Kieran had expected an answer. Was it that he’d said too much? He should have known better; he should have just stuck to ‘yes, Master’ and not added the rest. He whimpered a wordless apology, unwilling to risk that he didn’t have permission to speak after all, and if he did... he didn’t want to risk that permission being taken from him.

Kieran sighed and shook his head, but his lips twitched into a brief smile, reassuring Nicholas that any more panic wasn’t needed. “Just do your best, and that will be good enough.”

“Yes, Master,” Nicholas whispered. He’d be the best omega Kieran had ever seen; he’d never give his alpha any reason to think he wasn’t submissive enough.

Kieran raised himself off of Nicholas’ body, crouching over him. “On your belly,” he said. His tone wasn’t harsh or even firm, but there was no mistaking it for an order. Nicholas pushed himself up as little as possible, just barely enough to twist around beneath Kieran. He did his best to keep looking at him, hoping Kieran wouldn’t blame him for failing for the second or two it was impossible. Then he settled down onto his belly, head again twisted to the side to allow him to look up at Kieran, his arms spread to where the floor was still faintly warm from his body heat.

“Good omega,” Kieran praised once more, and this time Nicholas was free to moan his pleasure. “Eyes down again, for now.”

Nicholas relaxed his eyes again after squeezing them shut briefly in an attempt to ease the muscle strain. His eyelids slid down as he allowed his vision to defocus and blur. “Thank you, Master,” he breathed. This was more proper; for an omega to meet an alpha’s eyes was... rude. Although he hadn’t exactly been meeting his eyes; the order had just been to look at Kieran, though Nicholas had assumed, apparently correctly, that this implied Kieran’s face.

“For what?” Kieran asked.

Oh, there was so much Nicholas had to thank Kieran for, but he had a suspicion the question had been slightly more specific than that. “For letting me know what pleases you, Master. For not blaming me when following your orders means I’m breaking protocol.” He could have done that. Could have punished Nicholas for looking up at him, even while he’d ordered him to do it. Others had done it before.

For a moment, Kieran was silent, but Nicholas could smell his dismay and briefly wondered if it was because Kieran hadn’t realized he could have taken the opportunity to punish him. He thought about reassuring him that he didn’t need a reason to punish Nicholas; if he wanted to, that was his right. But he kept himself from doing that, just in case he’d misinterpreted the reaction. Kieran had never shown any sign of such capriciousness, after all.

“I wouldn’t punish you for obeying me, Nicholas,” Kieran said then. He paused, seeming to consider something. “Even if that order contradicts the usual protocol,” he added then.

Nicholas sighed softly. “Yes, Master.” Then he moaned as Kieran’s weight settled down on him again and his mouth resumed its wandering journey across Nicholas’ body. Such bliss, knowing he was being marked, that Kieran’s scent would be all over him, telling everyone with the nose to notice it that he’d been claimed, that he finally belonged to the pack leader instead of just being some random attachment to the pack in general. Maybe he’d even be assigned into one of the bedrooms shared between single pack members rather than staying in one of the guest rooms? He didn’t dare hope he’d be allowed to sleep in Kieran’s room, knew he couldn’t expect _that_ to happen any time soon, if ever. “Thank you, Master.”

“Again?” The word caressed his skin. “What for this time?”

“For deeming me worthy enough to mark me, Master.” Nicholas held his breath, hoping he hadn’t said too much, that Kieran _did_ see him as worthy.

Kieran paused, and his forehead was close enough to Nicholas’ skin that he could feel that brow furrow. “Nicholas,” he said then, his voice serious enough to make a chill run down Nicholas’ spine. “Your... dominating humans, was that some kind of underhanded attempt to make me notice you? To challenge me?”

Nicholas’ eyes widened in shock. “No, Master!”

“Was it some sign that you’re not happy as an omega? That you wish you were something more than that? More dominant?”

Oh night, no. “Never, Master.”

“Then... why? Help me understand.”

Nicholas closed his eyes briefly and drew a deep, trembling breath. “Because I need the power exchange, but I couldn’t make myself submit to someone else. Not since I met you, Master.” A surge of arousal; his revelation hadn’t been a bad thing, then.

“That’s all?”

Nicholas hesitated, but then admitted, “No, Master.”

“Well? Go on; tell me everything.”

“E-Everything, Master?”

“Ye– Oh, fuck it.” Kieran sighed. “No, not _everything_ everything. Just... explain why you do it.”

“I won’t do it anymore, Master; I promised.”

“I know. Now stop avoiding the issue.”

“Yes, Master. Sorry, Master.” Nicholas took another deep breath to steady his mind. “I’m an omega; I’ve always been, and I don’t think I’ve ever wished I was otherwise. I don’t think my parents ever even realized just how _much_ of an omega I am. I didn’t either, not until I moved out at eighteen to join another pack. The one that would have me was... strict. At first, I was a little scared, but then I realized I liked it.” It hadn’t exactly been uncommon for the omegas in his parents’ pack to help with sexual relief, but other than disciplinary spankings there had been no tendencies toward BDSM. “There were rules to follow, and if I broke them, there were consequences. Like here, I was at the very bottom, but... I’ve... I mean... Your pack is different, Master; I’m not expecting it to be the same, and–”

“Say it.”

“I’ve missed being useful, Master. Missed being claimed. Belonging. I don’t mind if I’m shared with the other pack members; I’m used to that. But since I met you I’ve... wanted...” Nicholas trailed off, unable to continue in the face of Kieran’s fury that seemed to grow with every word spoken.

“Shared?” The word was almost spat out, and Nicholas’ eyes widened with understanding.

“No, Master,” he hurried to assure his alpha, “I wouldn’t invite anyone else, I just meant that if you wanted to make me service someone else, I won’t resent it. I’m yours; it’s your right to–”

“They _shared_ you? Sexually?”

Nicholas whimpered, squeezing his eyes shut; he wanted to cringe, but he was stuck. Even if he hadn’t been pressed between Kieran and the floor, the order not to move would have kept him still. “I’m sorry, Master. I didn’t... I’m sorry I’m not untouched.” Nicholas hadn’t even known Kieran had expected him to be. Not at almost twenty-five, and not after close to four years as an adult omega in a traditional pack – not that Kieran seemed to have quite connected the dots regarding that until now.

“Fuck that,” Kieran spat. “ _That’s_ not why I’m angry. But that sorry excuse for a pack leader, treating you like that... If I ever see his face, I’m going to kill him.”

What? Why? Apart from throwing him out just because he’d taken a mate and she didn’t like him, Nicholas couldn’t see how Ethan had done something wrong. “I don’t understand, Master,” he admitted.

Kieran sighed deeply, half collapsed on Nicholas’ back. “It’s okay,” he said then. “It’s not important right now. Just...” He sat up on Nicholas’ thighs, settling his hands on the omega’s lower back. “Actually, here’s a new rule. Unless I ask about it specifically, I don’t want to hear another word about your old pack. You’re part of mine now, and that’s the only pack that matters. Is that understood?”

Nicholas wasn’t sure he understood, but it didn’t matter. All that mattered was that he’d been given an order. “Yes, Master. Not another word unless you ask.”

“Good.” Two seconds passed. Then, “Were they the ones who made you need... all this?” One of Kieran’s hands lifted from Nicholas’ back, and he opened his eyes in time to see the alpha gesture to the room in general.

“No, Master,” he answered, then cautiously ventured, “They just made me aware of it.”

Kieran grunted, but Nicholas felt him relax slightly. Nicholas wished he’d go on with the scent marking, but couldn’t make himself ask for it. It wasn’t his place to ask. “Well?” Kieran asked then, after a couple of seconds of silence. “Go on with your explanation.”

Expl... oh. “Yes, Master.” Nicholas frowned, recalling what he’d been talking about and considering how to continue without mentioning his pack. “After... them, I was... alone.” He whimpered, recalling the hollow feeling in his stomach at being so completely bereft of the pack structure he’d come to realize he craved. “So alone...” Shoving the feeling aside, he focused on answering Kieran’s question. “In the end, I found another club.” He hadn’t been able to go to _their_ places, after all. “There were only humans there, so I didn’t dare make anything other than temporary arrangements, but... I needed it. I needed the rules, the structure, the feeling of _belonging_ to someone, even if just for a night. But there are always more submissives than dominants in clubs like that, and... One evening, I... well, it seemed so easy. I was good at knowing what other people wanted; they didn’t have the advantage of my nose, after all. So... I could pretend to be dominant, just for a night, and give someone else what they wanted. It would just be another kind of service I’d provide, another way to serve.” He paused for a second or two, dreading the reaction when Kieran realized that meant he’d still been submitting to others here, but none seemed to be forthcoming. “It wasn’t the same, but... it was adequate, as long as I reminded myself it wasn’t important what _I_ wanted, as long as they got what _they_ wanted.”

That brought back some of Kieran’s anger, and he hesitated. Had he said too much? Had he said something wrong? But no, the anger subsided, and Kieran’s hand gently rubbed his back, almost encouragingly.

“Go on,” Kieran’s voice confirmed.

“Yes, Master. The club... it helped. But it wasn’t enough. They weren’t _pack_. So I had to... leave. Had to find another pack who’d be willing to take me in. I left the city...” Again, he trailed off, remembering all too well the long search to find somewhere to belong. “It took so long, and I didn’t have time to settle down anywhere long enough to gain access to a proper club. The first two packs I came across didn’t... didn’t need another omega in their pack, or so they said.” He forced back the memory of rejection, the pain of being so close and seeing the chance slip away. “But then... then I met you.” The last word was a mere breath. He had to swallow to regain the ability to speak. “I was so scared, Master.” Kieran tensed, and he hurried to explain. “Not of you, never of you. But... of being rejected. I just... _knew_ , seeing you, that you were an alpha I’d do anything to belong to.” He swallowed again. “You didn’t have an omega already, so I was hopeful, but one of the others I’d asked hadn’t had one either, so I didn’t dare hope too much... But you accepted me into your pack. You accepted me, and I could have cried. I kept waiting for you to claim me, but you didn’t. And after the first full moon had gone by, I... realized you wouldn’t. You didn’t see me. You didn’t want me. I wasn’t good enough.”

“Oh, Nicholas,” Kieran sighed, rubbing his back. Nicholas waited to see if he was going to say something else. He drew a breath, as if to go on, but after a second or two all he said was, “Go on.”

It was terrifying, revealing so much of himself, but he couldn’t disappoint Kieran by not telling him everything he wanted to know. “Yes, Master. When I realized you didn’t want me that way, I found this club.” Found. That word made it sound like Devotion had just fallen into his lap or something, made light of the frustrating search for a fetish club that felt right. “I wasn’t really sure if I should look for one at all, but then I saw some of the others going into this one, and... I figured it was okay. I didn’t... didn’t ask if there were different rules for me. I probably should have, but none of them seemed to question me being here. They were surprised at first, yes, but they didn’t order me out, they even told me a bit about it.”

“Do they... do this, too?”

“I... No, not that I’ve seen, Master. I’ve just assumed they do. Sometimes, I guess, but if they do, I don’t know what they do. I haven’t asked.” Should he have? Did Kieran really not know what his pack was doing? “I’m sorry, Master,” he offered, and Kieran patted his back. Was that... Did that mean he was forgiven? Or that there was nothing to forgive? Or that he’d need to offer something more in order to be forgiven? He held his breath for a moment, then let it out, releasing the worry. Kieran would tell him, he decided. Kieran would tell him what he’d need to do to be forgiven. For now, he was probably waiting for Nicholas to continue.

“I... needed the power exchange, but... even if you hadn’t claimed me, I knew I belonged to you. I had from the moment I saw you. So I couldn’t let someone else touch me, dominate me, take me. That also belonged to you. So I did the only thing left to me; I played dominant. I... I’m sorry.” His voice cracked, and he had to take a brief moment to collect himself. “I’m sorry, Master,” he repeated. “For me, it’s another form of submission, and I gave it to someone else when I shouldn’t have. I wouldn’t have, if I’d had any hope you’d claim me. If I’d just had an inkling you were waiting for me to prove myself worthy, I’d have kept myself from it. I–”

Again, Kieran’s finger crossed Nicholas’ lips, and he fell silent mid-sentence. “No more apologies, Nicholas,” he said, and Nicholas whimpered despite his intentions to be quiet.

“Yes, Master,” he acknowledged. What else could he do?


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry I'm a bit late ^^; Real life grabbed hold of me.

_Kieran_

 

Kieran’s mind was reeling from the things Nicholas had told him. Part of him desperately wanted to go find Nicholas’ former pack and kill them all for having mistreated Nicholas so, but... it wouldn’t really change anything, would it? Nicholas seemed... broken, and him storming off to take vengeance wouldn’t make him less broken.

Was he broken? Like he’d said, he’d always been an omega. That wasn’t really something that changed, at least not in that direction; theoretically a werewolf could grow stronger with age and experience, making it possible to rise from, say, gamma to beta, but to grow weaker? Kieran had never heard of that being possible. Maybe Nicholas really was submissive to this degree by nature and not due to the abuse he’d suffered? Kieran didn’t know if he was hoping that was so or not. On the one hand, he hated the thought that someone would have _made_ Nicholas into this, but on the other hand... if Nicholas was broken, perhaps he could be mended? Could Kieran really take care of someone who was like this by nature, with no hope that he’d get ‘better’, simply because there was nothing to get ‘better’ from?

And now, because he’d told Nicholas he didn’t want any more apologies, Nicholas lay pliant and submissive beneath him, not moving, not speaking, not looking up. There was a sense of infinite patience from him, while at the same time Kieran could smell how nervous he was.

Kieran... had to admit he was nervous as well. Scared, to be honest, but under enough control that he’d managed to push his fears aside for Nicholas’ sake. It was frightening, knowing that anything he said could be taken as an order, and it was exhausting, needing to check and double-check everything before he said it.

The silence between them stretched on, and Kieran could smell Nicholas’ worries bubbling up around him.

“Shh,” he soothed, stroking the omega’s bare, sun-tanned skin. “I’m just thinking. There’s no need to worry about it.”

Nicholas took a deep breath and let it out slowly, and the cloud of anxiety started to dissipate. “Yes, Master,” he said softly.

Kieran felt like screaming. Just one comment, and Nicholas just... trusted in him enough not to worry, was that it? So easy, and Kieran was still stuck with his own issues.

Could Nicholas handle the truth? Part of him wanted to explain just how scared he was of this whole situation, but... would Nicholas understand? Or would it make things worse, because an alpha ‘shouldn’t’ admit to being scared? Kieran had never seen the minefield surrounding him as pack leader before, because he’d focused on ruling his pack fairly, allowing everyone their say. These were modern times, damn it, and just because werewolves had their instincts it didn’t mean they had to be ruled by them. His father had ruled the same way and it had worked just fine. Admittedly, his father had been pack leader for more than twenty-five years, and had never needed to do more than give rebellious wolves a hard stare to make them settle down. Kieran had instead settled for assuming that his pack members were intelligent enough to be reasoned with and that they’d come to him for help if they were having any issues.

But... was it really the right thing to do? Not only had he failed to take care of Nicholas properly, the way he seemed to need to be taken care of, he’d failed to even _see_ that Nicholas needed more than just a family. And... there was that niggling worry of why James had told him Nicholas was abusing humans. Where had he gotten that information? Just watching Nicholas tonight, it had been clear that while Kieran didn’t understand why anyone would want this, the human _had_ wanted it.

“I’ve been doing things wrong,” he said, before he’d even realized he’d spoken.

Nicholas heartbeat sped up. “Master,” he said softly, but cut himself off, as if he wasn’t sure he had the right to say anything.

“I have, Nicholas,” he insisted. He’d started it, so he might as well finish it. “When you applied to join the pack, I wasn’t entirely sure I should let you join, but... you seemed genuine, and I just couldn’t bear the thought of an omega out there, on their own, just because their former pack leader took a mate who took a dislike to them and convinced him to make them leave. But I didn’t _see_ you.”

He paused, frowning as despair clouded around Nicholas. And apparently the omega took the opportunity of the brief silence to speak up.

“Are...” He swallowed, tried again. “Are you regretting it, Master? Do you–”

“No,” he cut Nicholas off. Nicholas let out a sigh of relief, the despair easing up. And Kieran thought he understood. “Is that... what you’ve been worried about? That I’ll throw you out?”

Nicholas voice was so soft it was barely audible even to his ears. “Yes, Master.”

His fingers curled, digging into Nicholas’ flesh, as he instinctively tried to clutch the omega tightly. “No, Nicholas. I have absolutely no intention of doing that.” Before that ever happened, before he'd even _consider_ it, Nicholas would need to break the pack laws so badly that Kieran had no choice. “I told you, I couldn’t stand an omega being forced to live alone. That’s not what I did wrong. What I failed to see was that you needed _more_ than just being allowed to join. I failed you as pack leader, Nicholas.” Nicholas whimpered, squeezing his eyes tightly shut, but Kieran refused to give him space to talk. Instead he lowered himself over Nicholas until their skin touched, until he was resting on top of the omega, pressing him down into the floor. “And I will make it right.” If he only knew how... “But I will need your help, Nicholas.” The omega stiffened, but didn’t say anything. “I don’t know what it is you need. I don’t understand this... power exchange you’ve been talking about. I don’t understand why someone would want to be whipped or hurt, or treated like property. But clearly that human liked it, and clearly, you seem to want something like it. Do you?”

An apologetic whimper. “Yes, Master.” Just that. No torrent of ‘sorry, Master’ or ‘I’ll do better, Master’ or all those other things that Kieran had expected.

“I’m not saying you shouldn’t want it. Only that I don’t _understand_. I’ve never wanted that. But I am willing to learn, for you. To give you what you need. To allow you to feel... useful, was it?” Useful. Of all the things one might want.

“Yes, Master.”

“Wou–” Huh? Was that a ‘yes, please do it’? But he hadn’t finished yet, had he? Had he managed to say things wrong again? Oh. Yes, of course, he’d added in that rhetorical question. Of course Nicholas would think it required an answer. He shook his head, glad that Nicholas’ eyes were closed so he couldn’t see it. “Would you like that?” If the previous answer had been a reply to the question he hadn’t yet asked, he was sure it’d be repeated just as quickly.

Nicholas drew breath to speak, then... seemed to hesitate. Ah, so the previous yes had been regarding the ‘useful’ term. Kieran waited, willing to let Nicholas think things through, not wanting to scare him by demanding an answer right away. “I...” he finally ventured. “I don’t know, Master. I don’t... want you to do something you don’t want to, just because you think I want it. That’s not... I mean, I’m grateful for anything you’re willing to give me, but I don’t deser–”

“Quiet, Nicholas,” Kieran interrupted, for once glad of the instant obedience. And, he had to admit, glad he’d had the bright idea to inform Nicholas to not interpret such ‘orders’ as ‘until further notice’. Don’t deserve it? That was what Nicholas had been about to say, hadn’t it? Or maybe, ‘don’t deserve _more_ ’. “You do deserve it.” Nicholas seemed uncomfortable, but unwilling to argue. Kieran didn’t want him to be uncomfortable, but he also wanted to at least _try_ to give Nicholas what he needed, what he’d failed to provide for his newest pack member. For the weakest of them, the one who needed to be provided for if he couldn’t provide for himself.

Yes, Nicholas clearly _could_ provide some satisfaction for this need on his own, but he equally clearly wasn’t getting everything from it that he wanted, and... if Kieran were to be completely honest, he didn’t _want_ Nicholas to seek out humans. To let humans touch him.

And then he knew how to put it. A grin spread across his face as he leaned in to gently nibble at Nicholas’ jaw line, making him shiver so delightfully. “But of course, you’re right. It’s not _my_ job to provide service to you. It is, however, my job to reward you when you’ve been good, is it not?”

“Yes, Master,” Nicholas breathed, clearly a lot more relaxed now.

“There you go. And since rewards should be something out of the ordinary, there will be no reason to feel guilty or think you’re forcing me to do something I don’t want to do, will there?”

Nicholas let out a deep sigh, relaxing further down into the floor. “No, Master.”

“Good. And just so there are no misunderstandings... I do want you to be mine. Earlier, I had to force myself to not tear you from the human and throw him out, because I couldn’t stand you touching him like that.”

Nicholas shuddered, his eyes flying open and arousal starting to seep from his pores.

“The only reason I didn’t was because I’d said I’d watch, and not interfere.” And while he hadn’t wanted to watch, he’d needed to know. “Why did–” No, damn it, no rhetorical questions. “If I didn’t want you, I wouldn’t have told you I wouldn’t scent mark you if I didn’t know you’d never do it again.” Now that he’d started, it was a lot easier to keep talking about it; if he stopped, he wasn’t sure he’d be able to start again. “The thought of someone else touching you... No. That won’t happen. No... sharing.” He couldn’t keep his disgust out at that term, and a growl started deep within his belly as he recalled what Nicholas had told him. “I will never allow that. You’re _mine_.”

“Yours, Master,” Nicholas response came, barely audible, and it seemed the sweetest sound Kieran had heard in a long time. Nicholas arousal was thick around him, and he couldn’t help but respond, feeling himself harden against Nicholas’ backside. Nicholas’ breath caught, his arousal spiking further, mingling with Kieran’s own. “Please, Master,” he said softly, but didn’t elaborate.

“Please what?” Kieran asked, part of him loving hearing Nicholas beg even as he tried to ignore the voice of reason screaming inside of him that it was cruel and wrong.

“Please allow me to serve you, Master. Any way you want. I’m yours.”

Serve? Kieran’s mind flashed back to the human boy begging to be allowed to serve Nicholas, as Nicholas stood behind him, pressing his erection against the human’s behind. A groan crawled its way from his throat as his mind readily replaced the two in the scene with Nicholas and himself.

Could he do that? His body certainly thought so, but... was it the right thing to do? _Yes_ , the alpha inside him insisted. It would mark Nicholas as his in the most primal way, and would keep others away from him.

James.

Damn it all, why did his second-in-command enter his mind _now_? But Kieran’s brain was already running down that path, insisting on letting the errant thought develop fully.

James had sent Kieran here with the suspicion of foul play. The question was if he’d done it because he wanted Kieran to _see_ Nicholas, or if he wanted Kieran to get rid of the omega. If it was the latter, he really didn’t know Kieran very well if he thought Kieran would just banish an omega from the pack without hearing his side of it. But... if it was an attempt to either get rid of Nicholas or undermine Kieran’s authority, would claiming Nicholas fully foil his plans or work in his advantage?

Groaning, for a completely different reason, he rolled off of Nicholas and covered his eyes with his left arm. If only he knew for sure.

“What’s your impression of James?” The question hovered in the air between them before he’d finished thinking about asking it.

“James, Master?”

“Yes.” He sat up, crossing his legs and resting his arms on his knees. Nicholas was still belly-down on the floor, still in the same position he’d... Fuck. “Oh, you can sit up if you want; there’s no need to be still anymore.” He needed to be more careful about giving orders like that.

“Yes, Master.”

Slightly stiffly at first, Nicholas pushed himself up on all fours, before settling back on his heels, shuffling slightly until he was turned in Kieran’s direction. His head bowed, his eyes fixed on the floor at Kieran’s feet, his hands resting on his thighs. His jeans still open and his erection standing proudly upwards. Kieran swallowed and resolutely raised his eyes from it.

“May I ask why you’re asking me, Master?” Was it Kieran’s imagination, or did Nicholas seem slightly nervous? The lust still in the air around them did a good job of covering up the... less simple emotions.

“Yes, but I want your answer before I tell you.” He didn’t want to influence Nicholas’ response by revealing his own suspicions.

Nicholas heart... might have been beating a little too quickly, but it was difficult to determine since his heartbeat was already elevated thanks to his arousal. “Yes, Master,” he acknowledged submissively, then hesitated. Was he considering the question, or did he already know but wasn’t sure how to say it without offending Kieran? “James... is doing his best, I’m sure, to care for the pack and make sure everything is running smoothly.”

Kieran waited, but nothing else seemed to be forthcoming. He frowned. That was a very... it wasn’t really an answer at all, was it? “But?” he asked, informing Nicholas that he knew it wasn’t the whole truth.

Nicholas swallowed. “But sometimes it seems... as if he’d prefer not to have to answer to you,” he said quietly.

Fuck.

“I’m sure there’s nothing to it, Master,” Nicholas hurried on. “He’s an alpha, like you; he’s bound to wish now and then that–”

“No need to make excuses for him, Nicholas,” Kieran interrupted. “The reason I asked was because he’s the one who sent me here tonight.”

“Master?” Nicholas’ confusion was obvious.

“He told me he’d heard from a secure source that you... enjoyed torturing human women, hurting them against their will. That there was proof.”

Nicholas’ shock and revulsion and horror was just as obvious as his confusion had been. More so, as the emotions flooded his scent, entirely drowning out the remnants of his lust. “Master!” he choked, but made no attempt to beg Kieran to believe he’d never do that.

“No, Nicholas. I know. But that’s why I had to see it for myself.” He chuckled helplessly. “And while I might have worried earlier that you knew why I was here and deliberately chose a victim who’d enjoy it, your reaction now was proof that you had no idea.”

“Of course not, Master!”

“I don’t doubt you, Nicholas. Trust me on that. However, I’ve been trying to make sense of why he sent me here, if he sent me here because he was on your side, or because he wanted me to expel you from the pack, or if he wanted to undermine my authority by making it seem as though I couldn’t control even the least of my pack members.” He sighed. “What you just said... indicates it’s the last of those possibilities.”

“I’m...” Nicholas hesitated. “Is there anything I can do, Master?” he said then.

“Help me figure out what kind of ‘proof’ James thinks he has.”

“I don’t know, Master. There’s no... Oh no.” Again, Nicholas’ horror washed over Kieran.

“What?”

“There’s...” Nicholas whispered. “There’s a camera. It’s for security purposes, in case something goes wrong. The recordings... they’re not saved, unless something happens that leads to a legal investigation. If... I don’t want to believe it, Master. This club is supposed to be safe, it’s supposed to be honest. But if he managed to get hold of a surveillance tape, some of the scenes I’ve been part of... haven’t been as mild as the one today.” There was a whiff of shame as well now, but before Kieran had time to ask what he was ashamed of, Nicholas swallowed and went on. “I... deliberately chose someone who wasn’t interested in extreme BDSM, Master. I was afraid you’d... be disgusted with me.” He bent down to the floor, almost curling up into a ball, making himself as small as possible. Showing his submission more in the way of wolves than he’d done before.

“Is there sound in these surveillance tapes?”

“I don’t know, Master.”

Damn. If there was, and these tapes was what James had as proof... There was little doubt in Kieran’s mind that James would try to get hold of this tape as well, which would then reveal that Kieran was aware of what James had done. “Well, what’s done is done.” He didn’t want to spend another minute in here. Climbing to his feet, he looked down at Nicholas, still on his knees. “If there’s anything else in here you need to clean up, do it,” he ordered.

Nicholas almost flew into motion, hopping to his feet but remaining hunched over. Kieran frowned thoughtfully as Nicholas scurried over to the... spanking bench, or whatever they called it. Was he bent over like that out of fear, because he thought Kieran was angry with him, or out of some need to show his submission by not being taller than Kieran? If it was the latter, Nicholas would develop some serious back problems. But he’d leave it for now; explaining would take time, time he didn’t want to spend here.

He watched impassively as Nicholas picked up the whip he’d used, grabbed a spray bottle from the cabinet with all the other implements, sprayed the whip lightly with it – Kieran wrinkled his nose as the scent of diluted bleach wafted over him, far stronger than it had been, locked up inside the bottle – before hanging the whip up by a loop on its handle on a hook on the wall next to the cabinet. The bench itself also got a dousing before Nicholas put the bottle back into the cabinet and ran to get another towel to wipe the bench off. All the towels used then went down into a covered laundry basket Kieran hadn’t noticed before.

Nicholas then ran back to him, dropping to his knees in front of Kieran like it was the most natural thing in the world.

“Done, then?”

“Yes, Master.”

Kieran looked down at Nicholas now flaccid cock, still hanging out. “You might want to tuck yourself in and get dressed.”

“Of course, Master.”

He leaned down while Nicholas was busy with the first task, whispering softly in his ear. “And once we’re out of here, those jeans are coming off. They still smell too much of that human.” Then he almost laughed as Nicholas’ hands shook so much he was barely able to button his jeans. “Don’t forget your shirt,” he added before straightening up.

“No, Master,” Nicholas said, without even a hint of ‘I already knew that’ in his voice or body language. He once more got to his feet without standing up straight, going to pick up his shirt and starting to dress.

“You might find it easier if you stand up properly,” Kieran informed him in a subtle hint that he wasn’t going to force Nicholas to cower before him just because the omega happened to be taller.

“Yes, Master,” Nicholas responded, finally straightening his back. His head was still bowed, but Kieran wasn’t going to comment on it. He wasn’t going to begrudge Nicholas every outward symbol of submission he felt he had to – or wanted to – show.

Kieran looked Nicholas up and down once his shirt was back on and buttoned and he once more knelt before Kieran. He glanced over to the collar and lead seemingly forgotten on the floor, though Nicholas had pocketed the lube that hadn’t been far from the leash.

“Are you certain you haven’t forgotten anything?” he asked.

“Yes, Master,” Nicholas said softly. “There’s nothing more in here that I need.”

For some reason, the answer made him happy. He glanced at the items again. Well, someone would probably appreciate them. Or they’d just assume they came with the room and think the last occupant hadn’t cleaned properly. Either way, it wasn’t really his problem, was it?

“Very well. Come on, then.” He turned on his heel and headed for the door, not looking back but hearing Nicholas rise to his feet and pad after him. Just before he headed out, however, he turned around, making Nicholas stop immediately and – to Kieran’s embarrassment – drop to his knees. Kieran made himself ignore the omega, and instead addressed whoever might be monitoring their room.

“And you, whoever’s watching... Unless you want the public to be aware just how _not safe_ your recordings are, you’d do damn well to immediately remove all footage of this room from after the–” Wait, shit, what did Nicholas call them? “Other submissive left. Is that clear?” He made sure to put as much ‘annoyed alpha’ into his voice in the last question as he possibly could, feeling Nicholas sway – almost cringe – away from him with the force of it. He made himself not react to it; if his outbreak could in any way influence this club’s surveillance staff to follow his order, he’d accept temporarily frightening his omega in the process. If the recording included sound, that was.

After a second or two to make sure his words had time to have their maximum impact, he looked down at Nicholas, the alpha presence he’d summoned for his little speech still having him firmly in its grip. “With me, pup,” he said, turning away and opening the door. There was a surge of... not fear, but exhilaration from the omega as he heard Nicholas get to his feet in a smooth movement. Exhilaration and desire. He couldn’t help but smile to himself as he opened the door. Clearly, he’d done _something_ right. He heard the flick of a switch behind him as he stepped outside, and above him the red light went out.

More of the rooms were occupied now, and one couple – one man, one woman, but in this case the woman held a chain attached to the silver rings in the man’s nipples – was even waiting. As he and Nicholas passed them, he heard them head for the room they’d just vacated, the man walking as closely in step to the woman as Nicholas seemed to be with him.

It was tempting to ask Nicholas... Oh, curse it all, why not? “Do you know where their surveillance staff is?”

“No, Master. Not beyond knowing it’s within the area restricted to club employees only.”

He nodded shortly. He’d expected as much. But how the fuck had James... No, best not consider that right now.

They made re-entry into the main club area, which by now was a lot livelier than it had been before. The volume wasn’t any louder than before, though it still took him slightly by surprise after the relative quiet in the back rooms. Impressive sound proofing on the door, he had to admit.

The stage was no longer occupied by the band, instead sporting someone fastened to the X-shaped furniture, being whipped with a ‘proper’ whip, the kind people usually imagined at hearing the word. There was a significant audience, which made Kieran’s mind reel. When he realized the scent of arousal didn’t only come from the audience and the one holding the whip, but also the one tied up, that he could smell the liquid dripping from between her legs despite her back being striped with red... That seemed even more implausible.

He swallowed, and resolutely took his eyes off the scene, wishing he could shut out the sounds and scents as well, and headed for the door. Like before, people seemed to part before him, opening up a path. He spared a glance toward the table where he’d found Nicholas together with the other wolves, but it was now occupied by two humans. Three, he corrected himself when he caught sight of one human kneeling at the feet of one of the men on chairs. The man’s hand was curled loosely about his ome... submissive’s head, playing with her hair. For a moment, there was a surge of... not pleasure, but almost... _greed_ inside of him, of wanting to have Nicholas kneeling at his feet like that, to caress him and have him lean into his touch like the human did into her master’s.

Finally, they reached the exit and made it outside. The cold night air stung his lungs, made him almost gasp with the pleasure of it. It wasn’t clean, that was impossible within city limits, but it was clean _er_ than the air inside, almost free of the miasma of scents indoors, just a few remnants that quickly dispersed into the darkness.

There was the sound of a zipper behind him, and he looked back to find Nicholas starting to peel his jeans off his hips. What the...

“Nicholas!” he snapped, and the omega froze in position. “What do you think you’re doing?”

Nicholas swallowed. “I... thought you said...”

 _Once we’re out of here, those jeans are coming off_ , Kieran’s mind supplied him, flashing back to what he’d whispered to Nicholas back inside that room. He sighed, restraining the urge to rub his face. “Not. Here,” he said slowly, the words very clearly enunciated. For crying out loud, the human bouncer and security guard was still standing there by the door, trying – and failing – not to stare at Nicholas’ lack of underwear. And, to forestall any more instances of unsolicited undressing, he added, “I’ll tell you when.”

“Of course, Master,” Nicholas immediately said, pulling his jeans back up and fastening them.

“Car. Now.” And he led the way to the almost ten years old Toyota he’d owned since he was twenty-three, though it had been two years old already when he bought it. Unlocking it remotely, he gestured to the passenger side. “Get in.” He took the last few steps there and slid into the driver’s seat, trying not to pay attention to Nicholas scramble as he hurried around the car, getting in on the other side mere seconds after Kieran had closed his door.

A few seconds after the passenger door had slammed shut, the cabin light went off, plunging them into relative darkness. Not that werewolves had any issues with that.

Kieran sighed. “So, talk to me. What might James have on tape that he’d think would be proof of you torturing human women?”


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just a short one today ;)

_Nicholas_

 

“What might James have on tape that he’d think would be proof of you torturing human women?” Kieran’s words hung in the air between them, heavy and filled with infinite dangers. Not because of his tone, but because of what Nicholas was now forced to reveal. It had been bad enough that he’d had to admit to choosing a relatively mild scene, and he’d desperately wanted to apologize for it, to beg Kieran’s forgiveness, but every time he thought of doing so, Kieran’s words rang inside his mind. _No more apologies, Nicholas._ Part of him wasn’t sure the order had been meant that way; Kieran _had_ mentioned that orders to be quiet only meant that particular topic, but... That hadn’t been an order to be quiet, and every other time he’d been ordered to stop apologizing, they’d been more carefully phrased, with a ‘right now’ clause to them. That one... hadn’t. Maybe he should ask Kieran about it, but right now wasn’t the time for that.

He forced himself to say the words, tried to keep his voice steady and clinical. “There’s one human, Kendra, who enjoys pain. Not as a means to an end, like Derek and others, but in itself. I... think that was her up on the stage when we left.” He winced. “No, I _know_ it was her.” He couldn’t lie, not even half lies like that.

Kieran grunted, but said nothing. Nicholas couldn’t look up at him, didn’t dare to. He just couldn’t face the coldness he knew would be there, the lack of emotion he could smell. If Kieran was so carefully holding himself back, it had to be bad.

“The first time she accepted my play collar...” Oh night, why had he reminded Kieran of that collar again? And why had he admitted it had happened more than once? “I mean, my services,” he quickly amended, “I wasn’t really sure I could give her what she needed. She’d been clear during negotiation that she wanted the pain, that she’d prefer if her skin wasn’t broken but that it wasn’t that big of a deal. That she... wanted me to make her scream and cry and beg.” He swallowed, forced himself not to consider what his alpha might think of him now. “I’ve... used the techniques, the tools, before. I was taught to use them by people who were good at it. But I’d never gone that far with anyone. Never met anyone who kept spilling their pleasure all over me despite what I did. I started out... well, not necessarily gentle, but at a normal level, but I’d told her that I would need to test her pain tolerance, and she’d demonstrated a discrete signal that would tell me I could go higher, without needing to break the scene to do so. And she kept giving that signal, almost until the very end.”

He had to break off, had to take a moment to calm himself down, to force his thoughts off of the alpha next to him, off the memories of Kendra, how scared he’d been that first time that he’d fail her, that he’d either go too far and force her to safe-word, or that he wouldn’t give her what she wanted, what she needed.

“So what did you do with her?” Kieran asked, his voice so flat and cold, completely devoid of emotion. It made him want to break down and beg his master not to make him tell, to forgive him for doing it and for being unable to talk about it. But he couldn’t. He wasn’t allowed.

What had he done with her? The more appropriate question might have been ‘what _hadn’t_ he done with her’. “After I chained her up, I flogged her, paddled her, used a cane on her. Buttocks, thighs... the soles of her feet... her breasts and even genitals. I... wasn’t sure if I should use a single-tail on her as well, not after all that, but... the wave of desire when she saw it in my hands... I couldn’t refuse her.” He couldn’t breathe, his fear choking him. His master had said he knew Nicholas didn’t torture the unwilling, he’d _said_ it, but it was impossible not to expect the worst. The icy neutrality next to him was freezing him, and he didn’t want to say anything more, anything to incriminate himself. He wanted to trust Kieran not to doubt him, as he’d been ordered to, but he wasn’t sure if he could follow that order, not entirely, and the admission shamed him. “If I hadn’t been able to smell her, I’d never have noticed when the whip made her orgasm; she screamed and convulsed, but she did that from the pain as well, and...” He drew a shuddering breath. “It took me nearly an hour to help her recover, to help her settle back in the real world, and I even had to help her home. She could barely walk. A month later, she came back and asked for more.”

Words failed him there, remembering how she’d told him he’d been great, and then in the next breath asked if they could possibly try some more advanced things. And he’d done it. God help him, he’d done it, and she’d loved it, and he couldn’t, just _couldn’t_ tell Kieran about it all. “Please, Master,” he whined, his belly churning at the thought of Kieran hating him for what he’d done. He couldn’t sit up, needed to curl up, put his head down on his knees, but the car was too cramped and he ended up resting his forehead on the dashboard instead.

A hand touched his back, and he flinched, expecting harshness. Instead Kieran gently stroked him up and down his spine, his touch soft.

“Good omega,” his voice came, so warm after that cold indifference, so wonderful and forgiving that it brought tears to Nicholas’ eyes.

“Thank you, Master, thank you, thank you, thank you,” he whispered, over and over again. He didn’t dare thanking Kieran out loud for not hating him, just in case he did, but even so, Nicholas was grateful for the comfort, for the compassion, even if he knew there would probably be some punishment down the line for it. For telling him he’d done well, though the next moment guilt swamped him because he hadn’t told Kieran everything, and that wasn’t good at all, and he should tell Kieran, but even thinking of it made his mouth stop working and he didn’t deserve the praise but he couldn’t apologize. Wasn’t even sure he was allowed to beg Kieran to punish him, just in case that would count as an apology as well.

“Shhh,” Kieran soothed, his voice so gentle even with his scent cold and impartial. “It’s over now, pup.”

He couldn’t argue, but he shook his head. It wasn’t over. He hadn’t said everything. The hand on his back stilled, and he wished he could take his denial back, even if it wasn’t fair or proper to think that. He hated himself for it, for his weakness.

“You don’t agree?”

Nicholas choked on the words. How could he answer that with either ‘yes’ or ‘no’? Neither answer was a good one. “I didn’t tell you everything, Master,” he blurted out then, before he could second-guess himself, before he could talk himself into lying. “I didn’t tell everything, and I’m not good, but I just couldn’t continue, and I don’t deserve your kindness, Master.” It wasn’t an apology, it wasn’t. It was a confession. That was different.


	6. Chapter 6

_Kieran_

 

 _I don’t deserve your kindness._ The words made Kieran’s chest feel tight, just like Nicholas flinching away from his touch had. And he realized that Nicholas had expected punishment, had expected harshness. He thought back with carefully concealed dismay to how he’d reacted to other things Nicholas had told him tonight, how disgusted he’d been when the omega had first told him about what he’d done to the most recent girl, and the fear that lay heavy and thick within the car suddenly took on a more immediate meaning.

He’d hoped Nicholas had only been afraid of the consequences of James having that scene in his hands, but he’d been lying to himself. No, it wasn’t James that Nicholas was afraid of. It was _Kieran._

His stomach turned, and he barely had time to shove the door open and stumble out of the car before he threw up. Nicholas was terrified of him, and it was all his fault. He’d made Nicholas afraid of him. And now he’d done it again, the misery flooding out through the still-open car door, enveloping him and upsetting his stomach again.

When he finally managed to get his body back under his control, he threw a glance inside the car. Nicholas had pulled up his feet on the seat and hugged his knees tightly, burying his face against them. There were no apologies, even if his entire body language screamed them out. Just... that horrible despair as he seemed to just wait for judgement. But Nicholas wasn’t the one who should apologize. Kieran was.

“I’m sorry, Nicholas,” he said, hating the taste in his mouth. Nicholas stiffened, but didn’t move. “I didn’t mean to...” Didn’t mean to do what? “It wasn’t what you told me, or didn’t tell me. I just... I’m sorry I made you think you should be so scared of my reaction. I’m sorry I had to ask you to tell me things that obviously bother you, but I needed to know the worst of what James might have on you, in case he throws it in my face.”

He could hear Nicholas swallow. When he spoke, his voice was so quiet and so muffled against his knees that Kieran had to strain his ears to hear the words. “That... wasn’t the worst, Master. I’m... I failed you.”

Oh fuck, his apologies weren’t making anything better. They seemed to just be making it worse. He needed to make things right, but he didn’t know what to do.

“You believe you deserve punishment?” He had to ask, but he hadn’t been prepared for the wave of... _gratitude_ that Nicholas let off at his question.

“Yes, Master,” he said, almost eagerly. “Thank you, Master.”

Fuck. He hadn’t meant it like that, it had just been a question to open up discussion about it, not a confirmation that it would happen. But... Something in him balked at retracting the promise Nicholas seemed to think he’d made. Which meant that he’d need to come up with some kind of punishment now, didn’t it? He’d never been good at that, and certainly not with someone who was involved with all that BDSM stuff. Kieran didn’t even know what the term stood for; he was fairly certain the S and M stood for sadism and masochism, but the rest of it? How was he supposed to devise some kind of punishment for Nicholas when he had no clue about what was proper or not? Normal pack discipline wouldn’t suffice, he was certain of that. Especially Kieran’s form of pack discipline.

He sighed, and made himself get back in the car. “Very well.” He closed the door and pulled his seatbelt out. “I will consider how to punish you on the way home.”

“Thank you, Master, for giving me the opportunity to earn your forgiveness.”

Oh this was just _wrong_ , but he had to be the alpha that Nicholas needed. He had to be able to support the most vulnerable member of his pack, and if that included handing out some kind of punishment when Nicholas needed it, when he was convinced he deserved it...

He almost groaned when he remembered that he’d already offered BDSM elements as a _reward_ for good behaviour. So trying to look that way for a punishment would be rather detrimental, wouldn’t it?

“Sit down and buckle up,” he instructed Nicholas to distract his own mind, while he stuck his key in the ignition. The omega was swift to obey, as usual, but Kieran intercepted the ‘thank you’ he was sure to spill from Nicholas’ lips. “You will spend the journey in complete silence. I don’t want to hear one word or sound from you unless you’re asked a direct question.”

In the corner of his eye, he saw Nicholas nod, his lips firmly pressed together, but it didn’t stop the spike of gratitude in his scent.

He tried to ignore it as he started the car and backed out of the parking space, half his mind focusing on driving while the other half was desperately trying to come up with a suitable punishment, both halves doing their best to ignore the bitter taste in his mouth. By the time he pulled up outside the house shared by the pack, the taste had faded but he was still blank on the other subject, not that he allowed it to show.

Since Nicholas seemed to feel he didn’t deserve kindness, Kieran half snapped a short, “Out of the car,” before getting out himself.

Nicholas obeyed without speaking, and Kieran wondered if he’d just become used to the silence or if his deviance from what Kieran had come to see as normal indicated something else. Had Kieran managed to phrase the order clumsily again? He didn’t think so; surely the limitation of the length of the journey had been implicit from the first half of it. Would he do more harm by leaving Nicholas to it or by questioning him?

He locked the car while considering it, then beckoned Nicholas to follow. As he made his way up the steps of the porch, Nicholas close behind, he still hadn’t made up his mind on the issue, just like he still hadn’t come up with a suitable punishment.

The moment he stepped into the house, the scents of his pack members hit his nose. When he detected James’ scent, his anger flared up. How _dared_ James be trying to undermine his position as pack leader? “It’s not you,” he muttered, somehow remembering to reassure Nicholas he wasn’t angry with _him_.

The worry that had begun to emanate from Nicholas settled down slightly, though he could feel the omega still on edge as they took their shoes off and ventured further into what _should_ have felt like a safe haven.

He could smell James behind the closed doors of the large office and gathering room on the right, together with four... no, five other of his wolves. His upper lip pulled back in a snarl as he recognized the scents of the wolves he’d seen together with Nicholas in the club. Why were they here, with James? Had they run to him the moment he pulled Nicholas aside? No, he remembered them trying to catch his attention after his initial talk with Nicholas. So they’d still been there by then. But... he hadn’t seen them when he came back outside, not that he’d been looking for them. Had they left the moment Kieran had gone into those back rooms with Nicholas and the human boy? Were they here to support James or Kieran?

He couldn’t wait. If James knew they’d gone into one of those rooms, it was only a matter of time before he got hold of the recording of them. And if his demand that everything after the human had left be deleted had gone unnoticed, or worse ignored, James would know his suspicions the moment he viewed the tape – provided sound was a part of the picture. If it wasn’t... well, it wouldn’t be as obvious, but it wouldn’t be that difficult to tell that Kieran hadn’t been as angry as James probably had expected.

Without pausing, he pushed the doors open and strode inside. He hadn’t expected to surprise any of them; they’d known he was home the moment he’d come inside, if not before. He let his gaze slide across the group, trying to deduce who would be against him without letting on what he was doing.

He stopped in front of them, hearing and sensing Nicholas immediately drop to the floor next to him. He didn’t look down, but could still see the omega bend down, on his knees like before but this time with his hands on the floor, arms slightly bent as he lowered his head. The very picture of a submissive omega out of favour. Pretending to ignore Nicholas he waited, counting the seconds.

When ten seconds had passed without anyone saying anything, he raised his eyebrows and drawled, “Thank you, I did have a nice evening.”

The majority of the group in front of him immediately lowered their eyes, some of them even radiating a vague scent of shame. James didn’t, nor did Samantha, the one female werewolf that had been at the club. She did, however, glance toward James, a quick dart of her eyes that might have escaped him if he hadn’t been watching so carefully. She was definitely not on Kieran’s side.

“Apologies, pack leader,” James said smoothly. “I assumed you were about to announce something, and didn’t want to interrupt.”

Clever. Kieran recognized the tone, silently cursed himself for not having seen it previously. How long had James been manipulating him, expressing himself that way as if he wouldn’t _dream_ of being anything other than a loyal pack mate and friend. Except now that Kieran knew there was more to it, it grated on his nerves.

“I was,” he said, slightly surprised when his voice flowed equally smooth. “But nothing so important that proper etiquette should be ignored.” One of the wolves from the club, Benjamin, slipped from his chair to crouch on the floor, one fist to the floor between his knees, head bowed. A proper apology for his failure to adhere to protocol, even when Kieran didn’t usually enforce it. A few seconds later, the other wolves slipped to the floor as well, one by one. Samantha hesitated until last, before following suit, but she made it an empty gesture, with no will behind the apology, radiating dominance rather than submission. Finally, only James remained seated. Kieran kept his eyes fastened on his second-in-command, until the lesser alpha stood up – no slipping off his chair, this one – and bent knee. He didn’t bow his head, only lowered his eyes to the floor, and his crouch seemed more like a precursor to throwing himself forward in an attack.

There was no time, no time to settle this the way he’d prefer to. No, he’d have to take charge, once and for all, prove that despite his laid-back nature he had the strength to rule. “I had hoped it wouldn’t be necessary, but today has made one thing terribly clear. This pack cannot be ruled by peaceful means, cannot be expected to follow a benevolent leader.” He could see James’ eyes slide to Nicholas, could see his lips quirk briefly into a satisfied smile. It happened so quickly he’d have missed it if he hadn’t been looking at James just then. Nicholas didn’t move, didn’t even tremble.

“That will now change. James, you are no longer my second-in-command.”

That caught their attention. Where James before had been satisfied, he was now close to snarling, glaring up at Kieran, revealing his true nature at last. The others were shocked, but he could sense a tiny edge of gratitude in one corner of the olfactory chaos. He couldn’t pinpoint it to a source at the moment, but it wouldn’t surprise him if it originated from Benjamin.

“Pack leader, surely–” James began, his face and voice once more smooth and controlled.

“No, James. I don’t want to hear it. I cannot have a second-in-command who seeks to tear this pack apart. If you want leadership, you will have to challenge me properly, six nights from now under the light of the moon.” He quickly surveyed the others in the room, suppressing a smile when he saw Samantha discreetly edging away from James, just a fraction of an inch. Abandoning the sinking ship. “Until our issues are resolved and you have either defeated me or been defeated, you are banished from this house. If you set foot inside its doors, I will not hesitate to kill you. If you harm any member of my pack before then, I will not hesitate to kill you. If you influence anyone into causing harm to any member of my pack, I will not hesitate to kill you. Until the first night of the full moon has passed, you are not part of this pack. Everything in this house belongs to the pack. You do not. Leave, and take nothing with you except the clothes you are wearing; they are my gift to you, as a reward for the services you have provided the pack.”

Silence. No one even moved, barely even breathed, as Kieran stared coldly at James. Finally, James stood up.

“I will call on you, six nights from now,” he intoned; challenge made. “Until then, I will keep the peace.” Kieran didn’t sigh with relief, but nevertheless felt it as James accepted the terms he’d been given. He started toward the door, and Kieran allowed him to take two steps before he held up his hand, palm out.

“Empty your pockets.” James stopped, and drew breath to argue. “I granted you the clothes, not the contents of your pockets.”

“You can’t–!”

“I can. You accepted the terms as given, wolf.”

James snarled, but after a few, long seconds he dug his hands into the pockets of his suit, digging out his wallet, keys, a blank CD within an equally blank and nameless case, and his phone. He dropped them all to the floor in a final act of defiance. The phone splintered into its component parts, sending the battery and the back cover flying in two different direction while the rest of the phone stayed where it’d been dropped.

“I will grant you one final concession,” Kieran added then, bending down and picking up the wallet. “You may keep your identification, your driver’s license and any cash within this wallet. The rest will remain here, in safe keeping, until your relationship with the pack has been resolved.” He wouldn’t send a wolf out into the night without those things, not even after something like this. Digging the mentioned items out, and making sure nothing was hidden between the bank notes, he then held them out to James, letting the wallet drop to the floor once more. Three hundred in cash. Really? Had he intended to bribe whoever was in charge of surveillance at Devotion with that? Either way, it’d find him a place to stay until the full moon.

James looked at him furiously, upper lip curled tightly against his nose, but he accepted the offering and stalked out of the room.

Kieran glanced from wolf to wolf, ending with Nicholas. “Stay,” he ordered them all, and turned to follow James to ensure he left without causing any problems. He heard no movement behind him. Excellent. He only wished he’d been able to tell Nicholas to keep an eye on them without the others knowing about the order.

“I will keep to the terms,” James snarled as soon as he realized he was being followed.

“I’m sure you will,” Kieran responded smoothly, going for the exact tone James so often had used with him, hoping James would realize there was no actual trust in the picture at all. “I merely thought to remind you that financial harm is still considered harm.” The thought _had_ occurred to Kieran that James might very well take out his aggression on possessions rather than people, thinking it hadn’t been specified in the terms and would thus leave Kieran without grounds to retaliate. “Consider the specification either an additional gift, if you will, or the payment for the one you already received.”

If emotions could affect the real world, the heat of James’ fury would surely have set fire to the walls. “Fine,” he snapped, yanked the front door open and left, slamming it shut behind him.

Kieran stood there until he heard James’ steps descend from the porch and head down the driveway. Then he finally allowed himself that sigh of relief, before turning and returning to the wolves he’d left behind. They were where he’d left them, though it seemed to him that they’d had time to share looks at least, knowing he’d be able to hear them but not see what they were doing.

“Samantha,” he said, after taking up position next to Nicholas again, taking a certain delight in seeing her flinch at the attention. “You are not an alpha; you are not eligible to challenge me. I have not chosen a mate you could challenge either.” Not that Kieran was planning on taking a mate at the moment. Not when he still had so much to solve with Nicholas and with the pack in general. “I assume my former second-in-command made promises. I will not cast you out.” She let out a soft sigh of relief. “I will, however, confine you until the full moon. Once the situation with the challenger has been resolved, you will make your choice regarding your future. Until then you will have no contact with the outside world, and limited contact within the pack. You will be confined to one of the secure guest rooms, effective immediately.”

She glanced up at him briefly, then looked down again. “Pack leader, may I speak?” Her voice was soft, almost overly submissive.

“You are still part of the pack; you may speak. Choose your words carefully.”

“Ja... I mean, your former second-in-command raised a serious issue. Are you dismissing that issue entirely?” Her eyes darted to Nicholas, as if it hadn’t been obvious what ‘issue’ she was talking about.

“I will address that issue once the entire pack has been called in. You will not be present for that meeting.” She’d been to Devotion, she knew what the club was about. She knew the issue was a complete falsification. If he’d had any doubt as to James’ innocence, he’d lost those the moment he saw her on James’ side. The question was only whether _she’d_ been the one manipulating _him_ into thinking he’d make a better leader than Kieran, or whether James had offered her a place as his mate once he was leader if she did what he told her to.

“Your will, pack leader.” She didn’t seem happy, but she couldn’t very well argue the point without worsening her own situation, could she?

“Yes,” he agreed in clipped tones. “My will. Come.” He glanced to the side, though not at Nicholas. “Benjamin, call the pack in. There are, indeed, some serious issues to address.” He gave the room a grin, baring his teeth as a clear threat. “And there’s no time but the present, as they say. Use the phone in the other room. The rest of you, stay exactly where you are. No talking, no moving, no ‘pointed looks’ at each other.” He shifted his weight slightly, as if preparing to leave, casually nudging Nicholas as he did and hoping the omega would get the hint. “I will know if you do.”

Beckoning to Samantha, he led her from the room and upstairs. Normally, he’d have given this task to his second-in-command, but he didn’t have one right now. Heading for the guest wing above the garage, he picked one of the secure rooms on random, making it more difficult for anything to have been prepared. Turning the key that sat in the lock, he opened the heavy steel door. Samantha didn’t look up at him as she entered the room.

He followed, but stopped on the threshold, surveying the room that was empty apart from the bed along one wall and a small chest of drawers next to it serving as bedside table. There was a window, but like with all of their secure rooms it was fitted with steel bars both on the inside and outside, too strong for even a werewolf to bend or break, and the glass itself was the kind that would shatter into small crystals if broken, to prevent glass shards from being used as weapons. A doorway to the side led to a small toilet. “Empty your pockets, Samantha,” he ordered calmly. “You know the drill.”

With a small sigh, Samantha did as she’d been told, though her pockets didn’t actually contain anything. “I left my purse downstairs, pack leader,” she said quietly, turning her pockets inside out to reveal how empty they were.

“Thank you,” he responded. “Unfortunately, I have to ask you to surrender all your jewellery as well.” While he doubted anything she wore might be useful as anything other than decoration, he wasn’t going to take any chances of her carrying anything... subversive.

She sighed again, but didn’t protest the order, removing the silver studs from her ears – Kieran had never understood why some wolves chose to pierce themselves, being forced to use silver since their bodies would heal around any other metal, but clearly some people didn’t mind the constant, burning sensation – and the elegant choker from around her neck. Kieran held out his hand, steeling himself for the touch of silver. He kept the items in his palm, refusing her the satisfaction of seeing him escape the sensation; he was an alpha and wasn’t so weak as to give in to a little bit of discomfort.

“Again, thank you. Have you eaten dinner yet?”

“Yes, pack leader.”

He nodded. “Someone will be by in the morning with breakfast.” She hesitated, then glanced up at him briefly, but didn’t ask to be allowed to speak, though she clearly wanted to. “Yes?”

“I’m... on the pill, and would like to keep taking them every morning, pack leader. They’re in my purse.”

“I will see to it.” He wasn’t entirely comfortable with the subject, but wasn’t willing to force her to skip her medication, whatever her reason for taking it was.

“Thank you.”

“Good night, Samantha. I hope you’ll take the time to evaluate yourself and your actions... and decide what you’ll want to do after the challenge has been resolved.”

He didn’t wait for a response, only stepped back and gently shut the door, locking it and pocketing the key. Once he knew who in the pack he could trust and not, he’d see to assigning someone to deliver her meals.

Returning to the room downstairs, he went to sit down in the chair James had vacated earlier, the central seat. He slid his gaze over the wolves still crouched or kneeling on the floor. Benjamin was missing, as expected, but he could hear the gamma speaking softly in the room across the hall.

“Omega,” he ordered, using the name of the position rather than Nicholas’ own name, to further imply to the others that the wolf was out of favour. Which, technically, he was, since Kieran hadn’t had time to come up with a proper punishment yet. Nicholas tensed, but didn’t look up. “Pick up the items the challenger dropped and bring them to me.”

Quickly and deftly, Nicholas gathered up the wallet, CD, key ring and the separate pieces of the phone and scurried over to Kieran without raising his head above waist level; no mean feat with him being so tall. Going to his knees once more, he offered the requested items on his palms, held up above his lowered head. Kieran took them without comment, placing them on the small table to his side. “Samantha’s purse, as well,” he instructed, watching impassively as Nicholas quickly fetched that too. Taking the purse, he opened one of the compartments and slid her jewellery inside before closing it again and setting it on the table next to James’ belongings, resisting the urge to rub his palm against his thigh to get rid of the residual skin irritation. After the meeting, he’d put the items in the safe.

Leaning back in the chair and casually resting the ankle of his left leg on his right knee, he studied the wolves before him. None of them appeared to have moved while he was gone, and all clearly felt the dominance he was spreading across the room, keenly feeling his displeasure with them all.

“Tell me what happened here while I was gone, omega.”

“Benjamin left the room to make the calls you ordered, Master.” Peter twitched at the title Nicholas used, but if either of the other two reacted to it they managed to hide it well enough. “He’s made three calls so far, nothing out of the ordinary that I’ve heard. Peter’s been trying to apologize to me, both through scent and body language.” Another twitch from Peter. “He hasn’t tried to signal to anyone else that I’ve noticed. Mathias and Jeremy have been... mostly obedient.”

“Mostly?”

“Yes, Master. Jeremy did move his hand slightly where Mathias would be able to see it, but I cannot be certain whether it was an attempt to signal something or just discomfort.”

A quick glance toward the two beta wolves revealed a definite degree of discomfort, but not necessarily _physical_ discomfort. No, Kieran decided. It was more an emotional discomfort, indicating they weren’t too happy that Jeremy’s gesture had been noticed. Or, potentially, if he tried to see it from their side, that they weren’t happy with the interpretation of the gesture.

“Anything else?”

“No, Master.”

“Good.” Kieran gestured slightly to the side of him, and without getting up Nicholas scooted across the floor to kneel at his feet, still crouched down in the ‘don’t hurt me, I’m submissive’ omega pose but this time facing the room – well, if his face hadn’t been directed down into the floor. How Nicholas had managed to see all that while seemingly staring straight down, he’d never know. Clearly he had practice.

Jeremy bristled, glancing up at Kieran but so obviously biting his tongue that it was almost amusing.

“You wanted to say something, Jeremy?” Kieran asked.

Jeremy was nowhere near as literal as Nicholas was, and took that as permission. “How can you trust him, just like that? Without even asking the rest of us? With all due respect, pack leader, but omegas will routinely say anything they can think of if they think it’ll benefit them.”

With all due respect? Kieran wanted to throw himself at Jeremy and tear out his throat with his currently all too human teeth. Instead, what he did was smile. Just a pleasant smile. Okay, with maybe just a hint of teeth. “Omega, would you lie to me?” Kieran’s tone was calm, almost pleasant, despite the need to chastise the beta.

Nicholas opened his mouth, probably to eagerly assure Kieran he wouldn’t. Then he paused. “If you ordered me to, Master, I would,” he admitted quietly, both ashamed and submissive.

Kieran sighed, slightly exasperated with Nicholas’ bloody literal-mindedness. “Let me rephrase the question. Would you lie to me in order to escape being punished? To benefit yourself?”

“Never, Master.” This time, Nicholas was confident with his answer.

Jeremy snorted derisively, but Kieran had had enough. “Jeremy,” he growled, and the sound wiped the snide expression off the beta’s face. “You question my judgement in believing the omega’s words, despite having two other people in this room who might gainsay you. Are you certain you wish for me to ask either of them to confirm or deny your claims that you did not move while I was gone, or any other statement the omega made?”

Jeremy’s eyes darted between Mathias and Peter, and there was a flash of doubt in his scent. “No, pack leader,” he finally said stiffly. “I will abide by your judgement.”

Kieran was tempted to snort equally derisively, but he controlled himself, instead looked up as Benjamin re-entered the room, only taking a few steps inside before crouching down and bowing his head.

“I have called all pack members who are currently out, pack leader. It took me a while to get hold of Caleb; I’m sorry about that. They will all be here within twenty minutes.”

“How much did you tell them?”

Benjamin swallowed nervously. “Not much, pack leader. I told them you were calling together all pack members for a meeting, and hinted that someone had misbehaved enough for you to be seriously pissed off and intent on re-establishing your dominance.” His eyes flickered up to Kieran briefly. “I promise I made no mention of who it was.”

“Good job.”


	7. Chapter 7

_Nicholas_

 

 _Omegas will say anything if it thinks it’ll benefit them._ For a moment, he could hear Kieran’s heartbeat spike, but then his alpha only settled back further in his chair. Oh, no, not _his_ alpha, not in that way. It wasn’t... possessive, no more than the words ‘my master’ in any way signified ownership. And while it was probably presumptuous of him, Nicholas couldn’t help the term, couldn’t help mean it in more than just a ‘the leader of his pack’ way.

“Omega,” Kieran said, and Nicholas almost shivered. He didn’t like being addressed like that; he liked it when Kieran said his name. But he was being punished. Kieran had said he’d come up with a suitable punishment on the way home, so this was probably part of it. “Would you lie to me?”

Instinctively, Nicholas wanted to deny that. No, he’d never lie to Kieran, he’d die before he’d lie outright. Evasive answers, he’d done that. Avoid telling him something, he’d done that too. He wasn’t proud of it, but he’d done it, and Kieran was going to punish him for it. Probably was punishing him for it already. He deserved it. But tell an actual lie? No. He’d opened his mouth already, when a tiny voice in the back of his head asked, _But what if you were ordered to lie?_ And just like that, he couldn’t say he’d never lie.

“If you ordered me to, Master, I would,” he admitted quietly, ignoring his shame at having to say it, his shame at being unable to lie. Part of him wished Kieran hadn’t asked. If these wolves knew how helpless he was to disobey Kieran, if they knew he’d do anything for his alpha... They’d never say anything around Nicholas that they didn’t think Kieran would want to hear, because they’d know that Nicholas would tell him. Of course, him readily telling Kieran everything that had gone on in the room while he was gone had already revealed that, hadn’t it?

“Let me rephrase the question,” Kieran insisted, and Nicholas knew he hadn’t been happy with the answer. Or at least that it wasn’t the answer he’d been looking for. He hoped Kieran was happy with it, with knowing. He just didn’t like the thought of the _others_ knowing. “Would you lie to me in order to escape being punished? To benefit yourself?”

“Never, Master.” The answer came out immediately. _That_ he was certain of. His safety wasn’t important enough to motivate lying to his alpha. Part of him listened to Kieran berating Jeremy, challenging his claims of innocence, but the majority of him was monitoring other details. Benjamin was hanging up the phone again, Mathias was feeling decidedly uncomfortable with the situation, his heart racing, and Peter... was he crying? No, not quite, but Nicholas could scent the salt in his eyes.

In his mind’s eye, he could see Kieran taking them out one by one to ask them what had happened before Kieran and Nicholas came home, leaving Jeremy for last, and when Jeremy was alone with Nicholas, he’d taunt the omega, try to manipulate him, maybe, try to hurt him, maybe... Either way, he’d accidentally reveal too much, and Nicholas could then tell Kieran and Kieran would be pleased with him. But no, that wouldn’t happen now, would it? Not when Jeremy knew he’d tell Kieran, knew he was... whatever he was. He wasn’t claimed, not yet. Marked, yes. Though apparently that didn’t really mean as much in this pack as it might. Perhaps they just thought Kieran had roughed him up a bit, and that was why Nicholas smelled of him?

Or perhaps Kieran had run this pack in a ‘civilized’ manner for so long that they didn’t think he had any instincts. Nicholas didn’t believe that, though he did believe that Kieran had fought his instincts for a long time; it had been obvious in the play room. Nicholas had never ignored his own instincts. He’d had to hide them partly before, mostly when he’d been around humans, and these last few months he’d hidden a different part of them because he didn’t think Kieran wanted him to display them, but he’d never fought them. Which was why he was on his knees now, head bent low in the out-of-favour omega position, why he’d dropped into it the moment they came into the room and Kieran stopped. Yes, yes, part of it was because Kieran was unhappy with him and Nicholas was only waiting for him to announce Nicholas’ punishment, but that wasn’t the only reason. It was also because he’d known it was what Kieran needed from him, to strengthen his position in front of the others and, initially, to help fool James into thinking the biggest issue was Nicholas’ behaviour. And what Kieran needed from him, he would gladly give. He’d have assumed this position even if he hadn’t failed Kieran back in the car.

Benjamin came back into the room, and Nicholas’ heart sank when he realized there’d be up toward twenty minutes of this awkward non-speaking before the pack had gathered and Kieran could talk to them all. Nicholas’ body would hate him tomorrow; he hadn’t been kneeling this long for... well, for almost two years now, wasn’t it? Back when he’d been with... with his old pack, this would have been nothing, but he was out of practice, and he was older, and his knees were already starting to complain about the hardwood floor.

 _It’s nothing_ , he told himself. _You’re a werewolf; you’ll heal up._

He looked up through his lashes without moving his head. He could see the strain in the others’ bodies. Benjamin was okay, but then again he’d been moving about, standing up straight. The others... Had Kieran ever enforced prolonged obeisance like this? If he had, it hadn’t been since Nicholas joined them, but to be honest he rather guessed it’d never happened while Kieran was pack leader.

The door opened and closed, and two heavy sets of footsteps approached. Moments later, a whiff of scent reached the room. Charlie and Donna. The only mated pair currently in the pack.

The two stopped in the doorway; Nicholas could see Charlie’s boots just behind Donna’s as the bikers obviously took in the scene.

“We came as quickly as we could, pack leader,” Donna said then. He could hear the stiff leather crinkle as she bowed. “How may we be of service?”

“Donna, Charlie,” Kieran greeted, his tone considerably warmer than when he’d addressed Jeremy and even Benjamin. “Please, sit. I will wait until everyone’s here.”

The two entered the room fully, but Nicholas could see Charlie hesitate just a moment. “Pack leader,” he grumbled, his rough voice as always sounding like he was two steps away from a fight, even when he wasn’t. “May I ask what–”

“No, Charlie,” Kieran interrupted. “You may not.” There was steel in his voice, a hint of ‘try me’ in his scent.

Nicholas held his breath, holding back the instinct to curl up further, make himself a smaller target. He didn’t move. Not only because Kieran had told them to be still, but also because moving would definitely draw attention and _make_ him a target.

Charlie didn’t challenge the statement. He bowed his head in acceptance and followed Donna to sit down on the chair next to hers. Nicholas dared to breathe again.

The next fifteen minutes were among the longest Nicholas had ever known. If he’d dared to, he might have zoned out, lost himself in submission. He didn’t. Kieran might ask him about something, and if he hadn’t paid attention... Kieran would be disappointed. So he paid attention. Listened to everything that was said in the room without words: heartbeats, breathing, shifting of stances, the gentle rustle of clothes or creaking of leather. Drew in the scents of the various pack members, taking careful note about every spike, like the mortification Mathias felt when Aidan arrived, or Aidan’s fear when he saw five werewolves on the floor in obvious disgrace. It didn’t pass Nicholas by that Aidan went to sit as close to Mathias as possible when he was allowed to sit. After Aidan, the two siblings Kelly and Langdon were next to arrive, and Nicholas felt like the room was getting cramped with everyone in it.

Those last five minutes or so before Caleb finally got back and completed the pack... they were horrible. The more people there were in the room, the more tense everyone was. Especially Kieran. Nicholas wanted to do something, _anything_ to make him feel better, but he couldn’t, and that was the most horrible part of it all.

“Pack leader?” Caleb asked, having stopped at the threshold to the room.

“Caleb. Sit.” Nicholas bit back a whimper at Kieran’s shortness.

“Apologies for being late.” Fortunately, Caleb said it while finding himself a seat, or Nicholas feared Kieran might actually take offence at the failure to obey. “I was stuck in a board meeting and it took a while to round it up.”

“Thank you,” Kieran acknowledged. There was silence in the room. Nicholas didn’t dare close his eyes, just in case he missed something. The seconds trickled by slowly, like those globs of liquid in a lava lamp. “Well,” Kieran continued finally. “Now that we’re all here, apart from two obvious exemptions, it’s time.” He drew in a deep breath, and Nicholas wanted to lean against him, reassure him, but that wasn’t the place of an omega to do. “First of all... And keep in mind this is the only time I will say this, I would like to apologize to you all for having been less than the pack leader I should have been.”

Alarm flared through the room, but Nicholas sensed more than saw Kieran raise his hand and no one said anything.

“No. I’ve tried to be... civilized. Modern. Tried to pretend a pack doesn’t need to be ruled with a firm hand. I’ve ignored gestures of disrespect, made excuses.” Silence, for a second or two. “That will no longer happen. My job is to _lead_ , not to be a caretaker. Today, I was made aware of an issue that has been going on for far too long, one that made it obvious that I needed to reclaim my control.”

Nicholas could sense the looks directed his way, couldn’t help but lower himself further down. He hoped Kieran was talking about James, but he couldn’t be certain. Nicholas had been part of the issue, after all, and if it hadn’t been for him...

“Yes, he is part of it,” Kieran confirmed. Nicholas flinched. How did Kieran do that? He hadn’t said anything out loud, had he? Kieran didn’t _really_ know what he was thinking, did he? “But he is no longer an issue. There has been an understanding, hasn’t there, omega?”

Had there been? For a moment, Nicholas couldn’t remember. But Kieran said there had been, so the answer was obvious. “Yes, Master.” He barely noticed the shock from the newly arrived pack members at his mode of addressing Kieran. What understanding? What was his master talking about?

“The results of which is that Nicholas is forbidden, until further notice, to enter Devotion, or any club with a similar theme, without me. If anyone should see him in such a place, or engaged in such activities, he is to be escorted back to the house and put in a secure room until I have time to deal with it.”

Nicholas could barely pay attention to what Kieran said after his name had been mentioned. It was such a small pleasure, but it had been an unexpected one, and... Wait, he couldn’t even _enter_ clubs? For a moment, Nicholas was dismayed that Kieran would trust him so little, that he would deny even... Oh, but then it was so obvious. This was part of his punishment. And as long as it meant he could stay in the pack, stay with Kieran, the club was... the clubs _were_ nothing to him.

He could sense Jeremy bristling, but the beta seemed to keep his mouth shut. For now, at least.

“The major problem, however, was the challenger trying to hide himself within my pack, too cowardly to speak up and follow proper protocol.” Oh, everyone came to attention at that, didn’t they? “The werewolf known as James Donovan has been banished from this house and the pack, to properly present his challenge under the next full moon. Any attack prior to that, on me or the pack, or entering this house, is grounds for instant execution.”

“ _James_? Kieran, are you _sure_?” Langdon. The air was suddenly filled with Kieran’s anger, Langdon’s fear, and the slide of cloth against padded seat as Langdon slid off his chair and down on the floor, joining the other five wolves already there. “Apologies, pack leader,” he whimpered.

Other than by calming down Kieran seemed to ignore the apology. “Am I sure how long he’s been doing it under my nose? No. Am I sure he sent me after our omega with ill intent, knowingly lying and informing me our omega has been torturing humans for his own pleasure when he knew it wasn’t true? Yes.”

“What?” Donna, this time, actually standing up. “With all due respect, pack leader, that’s... sick.”

Kieran’s anger flared again, but Donna stood her ground, confident in her strength. Then the anger faded into a smouldering bed of coals. “Yes, it’s sick. I’m fairly certain that-” a plastic clattering on the other side of Kieran’s chair “-this CD contains footage of the omega and a human woman, doing things that through mere visuals might look like torture. But where the eye can betray you, your nose knows the truth. Can smell the desire and pleasure from the supposed ‘victim’. And anyone spending more than ten minutes with this omega should be able to tell that it’s difficult to be any more submissive than he is.” A faint sense of shame tinged his scent. “As I should have known, if I’d been a proper pack leader.” Another clatter that Nicholas assumed was Kieran dropping the CD to the table again. “My former second-in-command took advantage of my weakness. Samantha, who certainly _would_ know the difference between real torture and pretend, collaborated with him. She is currently detained, awaiting the result of the next full moon. Benjamin, Peter, Jeremy and Mathias were also present when I came home tonight, following my former second-in-command’s lead.”

A low growl from Donna, a soft whimper from Benjamin, shame radiating from Peter and, to a lesser degree, Mathias. A slow, smouldering anger from Jeremy, combined with... Nicholas couldn’t identify the scent well enough among so many other wolves to match it to an emotion. “Your will, pack leader?” Donna asked. Nicholas could see her legs tense.

Kieran took a deep, steadying breath, but Nicholas could feel the tension in him, like static electricity. “They will be judged according to the old law,” Kieran stated then.

Nicholas sucked in his breath then, heard others do the same. The old law allowed a pack leader to kill if he wanted to, if he wasn’t certain of someone. The four wolves would be allowed to make their case with Kieran’s teeth against their throats, and if Kieran wasn’t satisfied with any one of them, it would be his right to tear that wolf's throat out. No one could protest the result, not without ending up under suspicion themselves. The pack would quickly and efficiently help hide the murder from the human authorities. It wasn’t often done these days, partly due to modern technology and how difficult it was to have someone vanish just like that. Nicholas had only seen it happen once, and that was when he was still a pup, too young to actually witness.

Aidan scrambled off his chair, to crouch on the floor in front of Kieran. “Pack leader, I beg leave to speak.” Mathias’ scent spiked with fear, and when Nicholas glanced that way he could see the beta’s fist clenched so hard his knuckles were white against the floor, but he didn’t move or speak.

The ease with which the other pack members had fallen into ancient patterns of behaviour, after at _least_ four months of being a ‘family’, of behaving almost like humans... It said a lot. Nicholas was sure the loose reins had been chafing them almost as much as they had him.

“Granted, Aidan.”

“I beg you, show mercy on Mathias. He’s... he’s got a good heart, and... I... I don’t want to lose him.” Raw emotions stood like a cloud around him for anyone with a nose to notice, and the same emotions were echoed in those words. Pain, fear, love, hope, despair.

“Are you mated?”

Aidan squirmed slightly. “No, pack leader, not ye... I mean, not without your leave.” Earlier, they probably wouldn’t have needed to ask for Kieran’s permission, feeling certain that a lack of refusal meant their pairing was endorsed, but now... yes, if Kieran enforced a more rigid structure on the pack, any couple would need the pack leader’s express permission to... well, to be a couple.

Then it sank in that Kieran had actually had to _ask_ Aidan if the two had been together. Oh sweet mother of the night, how could a pack leader not _know_ what his pack members were up to?

“Then you have no right to ask for leniency.”

Well, maybe it hadn’t been so much a question as a request to confirm what Kieran already knew. That made it... less frightening.

Aidan bowed his head deeply, almost as deep as an omega would. “No, pack leader.” It seemed he was holding onto his control of his emotions with the skin of his teeth. “My apologies.” Without getting up, he backed away to his seat, to crouch next to Mathias.

Kieran stood up. “Donna, Langdon, you will witness the judging. The rest of you will keep watch here to ensure there’s no communicating.”

Donna cleared her throat. “Pack leader, you need three witnesses, preferably of three different ranks.”

“I have three.” Kieran sounded calm. “One alpha, one gamma, one omega.” Nicholas blinked, his heart flooding with disbelief and gratitude. Kieran trusted him to be a witness? “I did not see the need to mention him by name.” Oh. Right. Now that he had other people here, he didn’t need Nicholas to keep watch over anyone. It wasn’t that he was being given some honour by witnessing, it was probably only that he wanted the two betas here, in case Jeremy or Mathias tried anything. Nicholas... Nicholas was good at watching people, not so good at preventing anything from happening. But it didn’t matter, he’d do what Kieran wanted him to do. _Besides_ , his mind supplied, easing the disappointment, _an omega’s place is at his alpha’s feet._ Yes, he smiled. He’d be at Kieran’s feet, and that’s where he belonged.

“I see,” Donna said, sounding a little dubious. “As you say, pack leader.” She hesitated, just for a second, then asked, “Is he okay?”

Nicholas could see Kieran stiffen for a moment before he seemed to make an effort to relax. “Answer her, omega. Honestly.” The last word seemed almost an afterthought, as if he expected them to believe Nicholas would lie. Or as if _he_ thought Nicholas might lie, if he thought that was what Kieran would want him to.

Well, he wanted Nicholas to give an honest answer, so that’s what he’d get instead of a simple yes or no. “My pack leader is displeased with my recent behaviour, so no, I’m not,” he admitted. “But I’m feeling better than I’ve done in a long time.” It was important that they know that, that they understood that he wouldn’t want to go back to how it had been.

“Thank you, pack leader,” Donna said formally after a brief pause to make sure Nicholas wasn’t going to say anything else. “I was worried.”

There was silence, during which Nicholas assumed Kieran responded through facial expression or body language. He was content to wait; there was no new anger or annoyance in Kieran’s scent, so he had to assume the alpha was content with his reply to Donna’s question.

“On your feet, omega,” came the order then, and Nicholas pushed himself off the floor, his arms trembling just a little bit under the strain, his knees protesting the movement. He steeled himself, refused to let himself sway or lose his balance. He kept his head bowed, tilting it just slightly to the side, as he clasped his left wrist in his right hand behind his back. Apart from the tilt of his head, it was a common enough stance among human submissives, but... Where they usually had either military connotations to the position or used it to ‘show themselves off’, it gained a slightly different interpretation thanks to werewolf instincts. He was baring his belly – not literally, since his clothes were still on – and neck, leaving himself open to attack and, with his hands behind his back, without means to protect himself. Showing his complete trust in his alpha to either protect him or allow him to die.

There was a collectively held breath in the room as the other wolves took it in; Kieran never turned to look at him. He didn’t even say anything else before stepping forward. Nicholas fell in slightly behind and to the side of him, walking to heel like a good submissive. The part of him that had become used to human power exchange longed for the feel of a collar around his throat, for Kieran to hold his leash. The part of him that was wolf knew it wasn’t necessary. Kieran already held his leash, metaphorically speaking. He’d been marked with Kieran’s scent. He hadn’t been claimed or permanently marked, but those were things he didn’t expect, especially not this soon and _certainly_ not while he was under punishment. Still, he couldn’t help but wish for the comfort of a collar around his throat, reminding him that his throat, his life, belonged to Kieran. It would be, he imagined, like Kieran’s hand continuously wrapped around his neck, ready to squeeze down at any moment and take what was his, while simultaneously protecting his throat from everyone else.

Langdon jumped to his feet, and he and Donna fell in behind as well. The three of them followed Kieran from the room and down the hallway into the large living room. It wasn’t long before Nicholas realized Kieran was heading for the back door rather than the living room itself. In hindsight, that made sense. The door would block the ones waiting their turn from hearing or smelling any details about what happened out there, and the reception room had no windows facing that direction. Normally, there might be worry that neighbours would see something, but... well, it would be a misnomer to call what the pack had out there a ‘back yard’. It was more like a park or nature reserve, the lawn stretching all the way back to the line of trees where the woodlands that were also part of the property began. Nicholas wasn’t sure how long the house had belonged to the local pack, but he was pretty sure it’d been in the pack’s possession long before Kieran had become its alpha. The pack owned land enough to allow full moon hunts... land enough to make any of those wolves waiting inside ‘vanish’ if necessary.

Kieran pulled off his socks before opening the door and stepping outside, and the others quickly followed suit. The night had set in fully, the air colder than it had been when Nicholas and Kieran had come home. Nicholas blinked, waiting for his eyes to adjust; back here there were no street lights or porch lights to brighten the darkness, and while there were plenty of windows facing the back, it wasn’t nearly enough as the majority of those rooms were dark. Compared to the well-lit study and meeting room they’d left, it was almost pitch black. It didn’t take long for werewolf eyes to adjust, however; after ten seconds, Nicholas could move unhindered after Kieran, the grass soft, wet and cold against his soles. Twenty seconds more and he could see as well outside as he had inside, though colours were muted into various shades of grey.

“You’ll be here, omega,” Kieran said quietly, and Nicholas immediately stopped and went to his knees. But when he started to lean forward, to put his hands on the ground, Kieran spoke again. “No. You need to see in order to be a witness.”

Nicholas could have hit himself. “Of course, Master,” he said, straightening his back again and placing his hands on his thighs instead. He longed to be allowed to offer his apologies, but he’d have to learn to do without. Perhaps, he told himself cynically, it would teach him to do fewer things that required to beg forgiveness.

“Langdon, fetch Benjamin.”

Expressing no irritation at coming out here just to go back inside again – though Nicholas suspected the thought had at least crossed the gamma’s mind – Langdon turned on his heel and moved away. Kieran and Donna continued on a couple of steps before Kieran stopped and turned toward the house. Donna took up position three feet to his side. Close enough to assist if necessary, far enough away to not interfere with whatever impressions Kieran would get during interrogation.

They waited in silence, the damp slowly penetrating through Nicholas’ jeans, until the door opened again. Nicholas could see both Donna and Kieran closing their eyes against the light, but eyes weren’t necessary to scent Langdon and Benjamin coming outside. The door closed and the two alphas opened their eyes again. Even with his back toward the door, Nicholas’ night vision had been ruined slightly, but it didn’t take too long for it to return.

“Benjamin Quirke,” Kieran intoned. “You stand accused of disloyalty and sedition against your pack leader. I will hear your words, and by my fangs shall justice be made. Come, and offer your life to me.” Fear tinted Benjamin’s scent and Kieran could hear his heartbeat speed up. “Should your heart be true, it will be returned.”

Langdon escorted Benjamin toward Kieran, but fell out shortly before, taking up position three feet down from Donna. The last stretch, Benjamin had to walk alone.

“Pack leader, I place my throat under your teeth, and pray you judge me true.” The ritual response flowed from Benjamin’s lips, his voice trembling only slightly, and then he stepped inside Kieran’s personal space and bent his head to the side.

Kieran leaned in and Nicholas shivered, remembering what it had been like to feel the alpha’s breath against his own skin, hot and dominant and utterly mind-blowing. “Talk to me, Benjamin,” he could hear Kieran say softly. “Why were you there? Why did you choose him over me? Speak freely.”

“I didn’t, Kieran,” Benjamin said, pleaded. “I didn’t know. Samantha drove us home – me and Peter, I mean – and just said something about how it would be interesting when you came back. I’m sorry I didn’t greet you, I... well, I was distracted. And just a tiny bit jealous. And wondering what the hell Samantha had meant, hoping it’d be that you’d come to some agreement with Nick – I know he’s always wanted you to notice him.”

Nicholas blinked at that. Benjamin had noticed? Well, to be honest, he wasn’t really that good at hiding his feelings, not when he was around Kieran. And for someone familiar with the BDSM scene, someone who was also a submissive... When he thought of it that way, he supposed it wasn’t that much of a surprise. But jealous? What had he been jealous about? Was he... interested in Kieran, too? At that thought, Nicholas’ heart ached, but he also knew it wasn’t his place to put any limitations on Kieran; if the alpha showed interest in Benjamin, Nicholas would just have to deal with it.

“That’s why I stayed,” Benjamin continued. “To find out what it was. I didn’t mean to make it look like I was with _him_ , I really didn’t. I... never liked him, but he was your second-in-command, your best friend. I just... I’m sorry, Kieran.” His voice cracked on that last ‘sorry’.

“Shh, I believe you,” Kieran whispered, straightening. “Benjamin Quirke, I give your life back. Your heart is true, and you are welcome in my pack.”

Benjamin’s breath left him in a whoosh, and he swayed where he stood. “Thank you, pack leader. My heart and loyalty are yours, and I will follow you into the night for as long as you will have me.” Nicholas remembered saying a variation of that in the vow he’d spoken the day he’d been accepted into the pack. He hoped, however, that Benjamin wasn't promising his heart away in quite the same manner Nicholas had, that it wasn’t some sort of declaration of love.

“I don’t want you to return to the house, Benjamin. Not yet.”

Benjamin nodded. “I understand.”

“You can go stand by the wall. Langdon, fetch Peter.” The two gammas started to move toward the house, but before Langdon reached the door, Kieran went on. “Wait, Langdon.” The werewolf paused. “Do not let on what happened out here. Word, gesture or scent. Are you at all uncertain you can do that?”

Langdon stood still for a few seconds longer. Then he sighed and hung his head. “Honestly, pack leader, I’m not sure I can.” Nicholas wasn’t surprised. It took a certain amount of skill or strength to control your scent, and a gamma... well, they rarely had that. If they did, they most likely wouldn’t be a gamma in the first place. No, Langdon would have little chance to contain his relief that Benjamin wasn’t dead or about to die.

“Return to your position, then.” Nicholas could see him glance to Donna, and could almost read his train of thought. He could ask Donna to fetch the remainder, one by one. He probably would for Jeremy, since Jeremy was the most likely to attempt to run or fight. But for Peter and Mathias? Yes, Mathias was a beta as well, but Nicholas doubted he’d try to escape, or even lash out at an omega. He had shown shame and remorse, and he did have Aidan. If he ran, his life would be forfeit by default.

Nicholas could, he suddenly realized. He had no chance to conceal the emotions in his scent by his own will, but it wouldn’t be his will, would it? It would be Kieran’s will, and he _had_ to obey Kieran. It’d be similar to what had happened earlier that night at the club, similar to things he’d been ordered to do or be back with his old pack. It’d never happened with humans, not to that degree, but Kieran was an alpha. An alpha he’d given himself to. “Master?” he said softly, calling attention to himself, lowering his eyes when he got it.

“You wanted to say something, omega?”

“Yes, Master.” He hesitated, not entirely sure if that was permission to speak or not.

“Go on,” Kieran said, and Nicholas was glad he’d waited.

“Thank you, Master. I could, if you want. If you order me to.” He held his breath, hoping he hadn’t overstepped his bounds.

“You could?” Half a second passed. “You mean you’re able to hold back, word, gesture and scent?”

Nicholas shook his head slightly. “No, Master, but you are. Your will is mine.” He hoped Kieran remembered how his will had supported Nicholas earlier that day, made him stay strong even in Kieran’s presence. Yes, he’d faltered a few moments, but that was before he’d given himself to Kieran entirely, before he’d been accepted and marked. This time, he wouldn’t falter. Of course, that it’d be for shorter durations at a time would also help.

“Stand and approach.” Nicholas rose to his feet, discreetly brushing off a leaf that stuck to his jeans – he longed to take them off, to get rid of the last remnant of Derek’s scent, but Kieran had said to wait until he told him to – before walking over to his master, stopping in front of him. He inhaled Kieran’s scent and body heat, filling his mind with Kieran. He belonged to Kieran; without his alpha, he was nothing. “Look me in the eyes.” Trembling with... desire, fear, anticipation... Nicholas didn’t know, but trembling with that, he raised his gaze. In the darkness, Kieran’s eyes were almost entirely black, the pupils dilated to make use of every speck of light, until the irises were only a faint circle of lighter grey around them. They swallowed him up, and he let them, clearing his mind of everything but the need to obey Kieran. “This is an order from your alpha. You will go in and fetch Peter; you will give no indication as to what’s happened out here, by voice, gesture or scent. Do you understand?”

Kieran’s voice filled him until there was nothing left. When Kieran fell silent, Nicholas felt calm and empty. Kieran wanted him to be blank, _needed_ him to reveal nothing, and Nicholas would be anything that Kieran needed. “Yes, Master,” he said neutrally.

Kieran blinked, and the connection between them was lost, his eyes no longer holding Nicholas hostage. They didn’t need to. “Do not fail me. Go.”

Nicholas turned and headed for the door without hesitation, hearing Donna’s soft exclamation behind him, but her ‘fuck me sideways’ was unimportant to him. He wouldn’t fail Kieran; that wasn’t an option. He didn’t hesitate as he walked up the steps to the door, didn’t tremble as he turned the handle and stepped inside. There was nothing but calm determination in his heart as he pulled the door closed behind him and returned to the reception door, stopping in the doorway.

“Our pack leader demands the presence of Peter Cavanaugh,” he said, lowering his gaze politely before Charlie and Caleb, but no more than that. No kneeling, no obeisance. This wasn’t the time for that. If necessary, he’d apol... offer restitution later. Peter got to his feet, his emotions flaring. Nicholas let them flow around him; they were of no importance. He knew the others wouldn’t scent Benjamin’s blood on him, but while death came instantly upon failure under the full moon, dealing justice while in human form wasn’t always immediate, so the lack of blood or death in his scent wasn’t really a clue.

As Peter approached, he let his gaze slide to the other two, not really surprised when he saw Aidan next to Mathias, one hand gently rubbing his back. He probably should have been surprised that the others had allowed it, but that sensation wasn't nearly strong enough to break the instructions Kieran had given them.

Stepping aside, he allowed Peter in front of him, so he could keep his eyes on him. They both knew where they were going – he knew all the pack members would have recognized the sound of the back door – so there was no need for Nicholas to lead the way. Peter glanced back at him, obviously wanting to ask, but then his eyes flickered to the open doorway to the room where the others were and he equally obviously didn’t dare to break the silence. As per orders, Nicholas offered no help in the matter.

They reached the door, and Peter hesitated with his hand on the handle, glancing at the small pile of socks next to the door. Nicholas blinked slowly, but before he’d made any decision on whether to speak, Peter lifted one foot at a time and pulled off his own socks as well, dropping them onto the pile, then pressed the handle down and swung the door open. Light flooded across the lawn outside, revealing Kieran, Donna and Langdon. Benjamin wasn’t in sight, of course, but his scent reached them. Before it could penetrate far enough into the house that anyone else would be able to pick anything up from it, Nicholas followed Peter outside and closed the door behind him. Darkness closed around them, and while Peter had been able to descend the steps during those few short seconds when there had still been light to see, Nicholas had to walk them blindly as he waited for his night vision to return.

“Peter Cavanaugh, you stand accused of disloyalty and sedition against your pack leader,” he heard Kieran say, going through the ritual again. Part of him idly wondered if they’d get tired of the phrases by the fourth time they heard them, but he knew he wouldn’t. He’d never get enough of listening to Kieran’s voice. He could be reciting the train schedule, and Nicholas would happily listen to it. “I will hear your words, and by my fangs shall justice be made. Come, and offer your life to me. Should your heart be true, it will be returned.”

Peter’s heart was beating like a rabbit’s, but he managed to make his feet move. Nicholas followed him until he reached the approximate spot he’d been assigned, where he stopped and knelt down once more, leaving Peter to go the rest of the distance alone. The gamma’s voice cracked as he spoke the response, but he got through it and bared his throat to the alpha.

Kieran leaned in like last time, then reached up to take a firm grip on Peter’s shoulder. “Calm down, Peter,” he said softly against Peter’s neck. “Just tell me why you were there, why you sided with my former second-in-command. You can speak freely; I promise I will listen.”

Peter swallowed. “I wouldn’t have been there if it hadn’t been for Samantha,” he said. “And Nicholas,” he added then. “She said things’d get interesting once you got back home, but after what I saw at Devotion I was worried about Nicholas. He’s... It’s been rough for him, these months, and I was the one who helped make him feel at home at Devotion. I knew it’d be safe there, even if I didn’t expect him to be a Dom. If he got into trouble for being there, it was my fault, and I didn’t want him to take all the blame.” He wasn’t quite babbling, but he seemed to be talking faster and faster the longer he talked. “That’s why I was there, but I didn’t side with him, I just wasn’t sure what to do. I didn’t want to make things worse, and James can have a mean streak if you cross him, and he’d been so satisfied the whole time we were waiting, like he knew what was coming, and he and Samantha kept grinning at each other. I just didn’t want to get in between two alphas, I’m not strong enough for that. I’m sorry, Kieran, I just didn’t know what to do.”

Nicholas could smell the salt tears running down Peter’s cheeks, could smell his regret and despair. It would have been impossible to miss, and for half a heartbeat he was glad he wasn’t closer.

“It’s okay, Peter,” Kieran soothed. “Thank you for your honesty. And thank you for trying to take care of our omega for me.” He straightened up as Peter’s scent changed to pure gratitude and shame and relief. “Peter Cavanaugh, I give your life back. Your heart is true, and you are welcome in my pack.”

“Th-thank you, pack leader,” Peter stammered in return. “I pledge you my blood, my heart and my loyalty and vow to follow your lead for as long as you want me in your pack.”

The words were different, as if he’d learned them elsewhere. Perhaps each pack taught different words to their pups? Benjamin’s had been different, just like Nicholas’ vow had been different from both of those. If Peter’s had been the same as Benjamin’s, he have assumed it was either the difference of this ritual compared to the oath-giving upon joining a pack, or a difference between ranks. He didn’t know; he’d never really watched anyone else be accepted into a pack before, nor had he seen this ritual be done before, since he’d been too young to witness last time. Perhaps the words didn’t really matter at all, even if his parents had considered learning the words of the various rituals very important. Perhaps it was just the intent of them that mattered.

Kieran squeezed Peter’s shoulder once before releasing him. “You can go stand by Benjamin,” he said. “I don’t want you going into the house until this is over.”

Peter nodded, and headed over to his friend. Nicholas kept his eyes on Kieran, only lowering his gaze when Kieran looked back at him.

“Can you do it one more time, omega?”

“If you want me to, Master,” Nicholas replied, still feeling that calmness of being controlled.

“I do. Fetch Mathias. Reveal nothing of what’s happened out here,” he reinforced the order, “by voice, gesture or scent.”

“Yes, Master,” Nicholas acknowledged, rising to his feet and turning to leave. Then he paused, recalling what he’d seen last time he was inside. “Master?” he asked without turning back, knowing Kieran would hear him. “There is a slight risk Aidan will ask to accompany Mathias. How do you want me to respond if that happens?”

Kieran seemed to consider it, and Nicholas waited patiently, floating in that quiet nothingness created by a lack of emotions. “If he asks, you may allow it. Do not offer or make any suggestion it would be allowed unless he asks specifically.”

“I understand, Master.” He continued toward the door, pressed down the handle and slipped inside once more.


	8. Chapter 8

_Kieran_

 

It was eerie. That was the only term that came to mind when he’d ordered Nicholas to reveal nothing and he... shut down. His face became blank, his tone neutral, and his scent almost devoid of emotions. Almost. If he flared his nostrils and took in as much of it as he could, he could scent it. Peace, trust, love. Subtle nuances that few people other than alphas would be able to detect. Donna’s statement had been crude, but succinct. Fuck me sideways. He had no idea what to expect, but this? This certainly wasn’t it.

He watched Nicholas return to the house once more, watched him slip inside, keeping the door open as little as possible, not letting the scents inside.

“I ask again, pack leader, how the _fuck_ can he do that? He’s an _omega_!”

Kieran didn’t look at Donna, but he shrugged. “He’s an omega,” he echoed, giving it as an answer rather than her impossibility. “He’s the most literal, submissive, _omega_ omega I’ve ever met. That’s the only explanation.” It scared him how Nicholas was able to give him such total control. It didn’t matter whether he was willing or compelled to by his nature; it was frightening either way. His thoughts flashed back to how Nicholas had, earlier that night, when Kieran asked what he was, simply answered ‘yours’. Kieran had assumed it was just a temporary caught-up-in-hormones thing, but... with Nicholas, was that really all it was? Later, he’d confessed he’d wanted to submit to Kieran from the first moment they’d met. Had re-iterated that he was Kieran’s, more than once. Was it fixation, or was it something deeper than that?

He shook his head, clearing his thoughts. “We’ll talk later; this is not the time or place.” Nicholas would soon be returning with one of the trickier interrogations for the night. Kieran had started off easy, with the one he knew would pass. Peter, he’d been slightly less sure of, but he’d tried to apologize to Nicholas, and he’d shown remorse. Mathias was stronger, but he didn’t _appear_ to offer any more disrespect than the obvious. Appear being the key word. Jeremy was the true test, but hopefully what Mathias told him would offer him further insight into it all, just like Peter had.

He hadn’t known Peter was the one who’d introduced Nicholas to Devotion, just like Peter didn’t know Nicholas wasn’t a ‘dom’ – Kieran assumed it was short for ‘dominant’ – and only saw his domination as another kind of service. But Kieran _should_ have known. He was pack leader; he should know what was going on in his pack. He hadn’t. He’d let James take care of too much, delegated too many small tasks to his second-in-command. Not knowingly, but by assuming they didn’t need to be done, assuming things worked just fine the way they were, that his wolves were happier if he didn’t boss them around. He’d trusted James to have his back, and by doing so and not looking back he’d allowed James to stab him. He couldn’t do that anymore.

Was it a mistake to keep other alphas in the pack? James had been an alpha, and he’d betrayed Kieran. Donna was an alpha too, an alpha with a mate. Sure, Charlie was a beta, but she was mated in a female-male pairing. She could have pups. While children weren’t restricted to the leading pair only, it did grant her a degree of authority Kieran wouldn’t have unless he found himself a woman, something he’d been putting off the thought of his entire adult life.

He’d need to arrange a proper affirmation of his status as pack leader, making everyone who wanted to stay give him their oath once more. Once James was dealt with, of course. If Kieran should, for some reason, lose, pack loyalty would be James’ problem. If Kieran won, he’d need to assure himself and the pack that he could trust his remaining pack members, that they were loyal subordinates. Even Donna. Especially Donna.

The door handle moved, and Kieran’s eyes snapped to it before he resolutely closed his eyes against the impending light. It penetrated through his eyelids, reddening the darkness behind them, even as the scents of Nicholas, Mathias and Aidan reached him. With his eyes closed, other senses sharpened, and he heard a faint and strangely dominant growl from Nicholas before two werewolves stumbled down the steps. Moments after, the door closed again, turning his world black once more.

He opened his eyes and saw Mathias and Aidan clustered at the foot of the steps, Aidan clinging to Mathias’ hand.

“Aidan Hayes,” he said, watched Aidan twitch at being addressed. “You have been allowed the courtesy of joining us. You will kneel at the omega’s side, you will not move, you will not say anything. You will, to the best of your ability, hold back your feelings. If you think yourself unable to do this, you will immediately leave pack property for the night. If you claim yourself able to do it, and fail me, you will by your own actions condemn he whom you would save.” It was cruel of him, but he needed to be firm. Just for tonight, he needed to be cruel. “What is your answer?”

Aidan whimpered and clutched Mathias tighter, looking up at him. Mathias looked down, swallowed, and nodded. At that, Aidan took a deep breath and turned his attention fully to Kieran. “I accept the terms, pack leader,” he whispered, his anguish swirling around him.

“Step back,” Kieran instructed. “So you can follow the omega to your place in this.”

A heartbeat passed. A second. Then slowly, jerkily, Aidan’s grip twitched open. Dropping his hands to his side, he took a step away from Mathias, though his eyes didn’t leave the beta.

“Omega, your task will be to ensure Aidan Hayes does not interfere. You will use any means necessary to ensure this.”

“Yes, Master.”

Finally, Kieran could turn his attention to Mathias, could say the words and call Mathias to his side. Had he done the right thing by allowing Aidan to come out as well? He hoped so. He hoped he wouldn’t have to kill Mathias in front of his would-be boyfriend’s eyes, and certainly hoped he wouldn’t have to kill Mathias because the gamma couldn’t control himself.

Nicholas stopped, Aidan desperately wanting to follow Mathias but obeying and staying by Nicholas side. They both knelt, and Kieran saw Nicholas place a hand on Aidan’s thigh, leaning in close.

He was murmuring something, but at the same time Mathias came to a stop and began intoning his own part of the ritual. Kieran could vaguely hear something about ‘make him proud of you’, but whatever it was Nicholas told Aidan, it helped the gamma pull himself together and calm down. Then Mathias’ throat was bared, and he turned his attention away from the others. Leaning in, he inhaled Mathias’ base scent, his nose pressed against that hollow below the beta’s ear.

“Calm down,” he whispered to Mathias. “Just tell me the truth and trust me. Why were you there tonight, and why did you support my former second-in-command against me? How much did you know?” Then he leaned in further, opened his mouth fully and placed his teeth against Mathias’ skin, rested the tip of his tongue against the pulse in his neck. Tuned his every sense to the wolf that was Mathias Ward. He felt Mathias swallow.

“He called us over. Said something was wrong in the pack, and that there’d need to be witnesses. When we got there, me and Jeremy, he...” Disgust, fear, nausea. “He showed us a video clip. Oh god, it was... Nicholas was beating her, had been beating her for a while, she was so bruised. And he... he used some sort of cattle prod on her.” Cattle prod? Nicholas hadn’t mentioned that. It must have been one of the things he’d been too scared to talk about. “She was screaming and weeping and begging and... I didn’t want to believe it, didn’t want to believe he’d do something like that. It had to be a joke, but... He’s been hanging out at that club a lot lately. I know they say everything’s c-consensual, but how could _that_ be consensual?” He was crying now, just as Peter had been, but not because he was sorry. Because he was scared. “What _if_ , I kept asking myself. But then Sam, Ben and Peter showed up, and I couldn’t ask out loud, because they hang out there, too, and I didn’t want to know. Didn’t know how to ask, didn’t want to know the answer. So I just... buried it. Figured I’d get answers soon enough when you got home. Couldn’t stand to watch Sam flirting with James like nothing was wrong while I was thinking about that. And when you got home, you had _him_ with you, and he was all... you know, like he was in trouble, and I couldn’t move, couldn’t think, and I didn’t realize you were angry with me, with us, until people were getting down on the floor. But then you didn’t even mention what Nick had done and instead threw James out, and I still didn’t understand, but I started to hope again that it had just been a big joke, everything, that the video was fake.” He trailed off, drew a deep, trembling breath that almost turned into a sob. “I’m scared, Kieran,” he admitted, though he had to know Kieran already knew that. “I just want to know that everything’s okay. I just want to hold Aidan and never let go, keep him safe, and oh god, what if someone did that to Aidan? I’d kill them. I’d–”

Kieran trailed his tongue along Mathias’ pulse, shutting him up and making his terror spike further, followed a second later by a similar spike from Aidan. “Shh, it’s okay,” he soothed, relaxing his jaw and kissing Mathias’ neck lightly. “I believe you.” Straightening up, he used a finger to lift Mathias’ head, looked into his eyes and smiled gently. “Mathias Ward,” he said, keeping the soothing tone of his voice, knowing the beta couldn’t handle cold protocol at this time. “I give your life back. Your heart is true, and you are welcome in my pack.” He felt sorry for the boy. He’d had a hard time having Nicholas _tell_ him what had been done; he didn’t want to imagine how it would have felt like to _see_ it, without the benefit of knowing what the participants actually felt. If he hadn’t seen that woman – or at least the woman Nicholas claimed was the same – up on the stage, smelled her desire for what was being done... He wouldn’t have believed it possible.

“Thank you, pack leader,” Mathias whispered hoarsely. “I... I offer my loyalty and respect, my obedience to your rules. I will hunt by your side and protect what’s yours, until the night I’m released from my vow.”

Kieran didn’t allow his surprise to show. It was a slightly more elaborate promise, one that wasn’t exactly required by the ritual, closer to an oath of allegiance than what the two gammas had offered him earlier. But looking into Mathias’ eyes, he knew it was what they both needed. Mathias, to know he’d be safe. Kieran, to know he could trust Mathias. He nodded. “Thank you,” he said. “We’ll discuss the matter of your relationship with Aidan later. For now, collect him and join the others by the wall.”

Mathias’ fear was closely followed by his relief, and then he turned and hurried over to Nicholas and Aidan, obviously needing to force himself not to run. Pulling Aidan up and into his arms, they hugged each other for a long moment, Kieran politely turning his ears aside from the assurances and apologies they whispered to each other. If necessary, he had a feeling Nicholas was listening and would tell him if there was anything said that he ought to know.

Speaking of which... He wasn’t comfortable with sending Nicholas in again. It’d worked fine – more than fine – twice, but Jeremy was different. Jeremy might try to attack Nicholas on the way out. Sure, the others weren’t far off, but... that wouldn’t stop Nicholas from getting hurt. Or killed. He could pretend, but he wasn’t strong enough to stand up against a beta, and Jeremy wasn’t exactly a couch potato.

He glanced to Donna, found her looking back at him. He heard Mathias and Aidan make their way to the wall, heard Benjamin and Peter welcome them. “Donna, will you fetch Jeremy?” He made it a question rather than an order; she was an alpha, and deserved his respect, and he didn’t want to push her into rebellion.

“Of course, pack leader,” she responded, almost scowling at him, as if she thought he didn’t trust her. “Your wish is my command.”

“Good,” he said, rather than the ‘thank you’ he wanted to say. “And remember... Don’t let him know.”

“I won’t.” She closed her eyes for a moment and filled her lungs, letting the air out slowly as her scent slowly settled down into a smooth baseline. It wasn’t the near-emptiness Nicholas’ scent had been, just a pleasant, non-descript _vagueness_. Like the professional smile you’d get from some tellers or police officers, where you know it’s not true but can’t specify what the truth is. Well, you know, if you were nose-blind and couldn’t smell their true feelings. “By your leave, pack leader.” She bowed her head slightly before crossing the lawn and heading inside.

“Omega?” He frowned slightly as his gaze fell to Nicholas, could see the glint of his eyes for a moment before they were carefully lowered to the ground. He was still blank, and he didn’t need to be. Not anymore. Surely he understood that?

“Yes, Master?” The neutrality of his voice... it hurt. And Kieran knew Nicholas didn’t understand. Maybe he couldn’t?

“You can relax your hold on your emotions.”

“Yes, Master,” Nicholas said softly, suddenly so grateful. “Thank you for allowing me to serve you.” The trust and love flared until he was sure even the gammas could smell it, until the weight of Nicholas’ emotions almost staggered him.

He swallowed. “You might want to remain calmer than that during the remainder of the ritual, however.”

Remorse/horror/nausea drowned out the other emotions as Nicholas bowed his head to the ground, then receded into a simmer. “Of course, Master. I will remain calm.” No attempt to excuse himself, just... accepting the fact and moving on. Slowly, slowly, Nicholas’ heartbeat steadied, and when he sat back up again he was calm enough that Kieran knew he wouldn’t accidentally hone in on Nicholas’ scent in addition to Jeremy’s.

It was just in time for Jeremy and Donna to make their appearance, and Kieran closed his eyes once more to protect them from the light. Once more, Kieran intoned the words to call Jeremy to his side, only this time he knew it wouldn’t be as easy as before. Remembering the scorn for Nicholas that Jeremy had exhibited earlier, it was difficult to lean in and not immediately sink his teeth into that vulnerable throat, feel the taste of his blood as it poured out...

“Tell me the truth,” he whispered in Jeremy’s ear, somehow managing to maintain control of himself. “Why were you there today? Why did you side with him instead of me? How much did you know? Why do you hate Nicholas?” His breath caught, just for a moment, but he hid it well by opening his mouth and baring his teeth. He hadn’t intended to ask that last question, hadn’t even realized how much it was preying on his mind. But it was asked, and Jeremy would have to answer it or pay the price. By the time he pressed his tongue against Jeremy’s pulse, it had already sped up, the turmoil of emotions in his scent starting to rise to the surface.

“How can you not _see_?” Jeremy started. It wasn’t what Kieran had expected, but his surprise wasn’t nearly strong enough to break his concentration on Jeremy. “How can you not see what he’s doing to you? To the pack? If you’d seen that video clip, you’d know. You’d know he’s just pretending, insinuating himself into the pack. You were never this cruel before; you were a good, patient leader, always willing to listen. Then you have one ‘talk’ with him, and you’re snarling at us all, almost frothing at the mouth, throwing out the man who’s been all but your _brother_ all these years. For what? What did he do to you to turn you against us? Did he roll over and offer himself to you?”

Fury simmered inside Kieran in response to the words, in response to the fear and disgust and vicious anger that poured into his nose, but he forced his jaws to remain open, forced himself to listen to it all, even when he didn’t want to. The part of him that could reason, that wasn’t ruled by instincts, told him that Jeremy had a point. It had only taken a few hours to make him throw out everything he’d thought he’d known. How could Jeremy know it wasn’t Nicholas’ fault?

“James only wanted to protect you, to protect the pack, because you didn’t want to _see_ , Kieran. I’ve been to Devotion, been there once. I _saw_ him, and he was different than he’s now. He was strong and confident enough to be at least a gamma, maybe even a beta. Not the omega he’s pretending to be right now. An omega wouldn’t be able to hide that well. I couldn’t tell _anything_ when he came to get Peter and Mathias; it was like he wasn’t even _there_. He claimed he wouldn’t lie to you unless you told him to do it; how can you know that’s true? Yes, I did try to get Mathias’ attention, and the other things he said happened were true as well, but what if he only did because he _knew_ we’d expose him if he wasn’t honest about it? It’s like he’s two different people, and you only see one of them.” He seemed to run out of words, stood there panting for air. Kieran didn’t move a muscle. Jeremy had answered his last question, but not the ones before that. He’d wait for as long as it took to get all the information out of him. The only problem was that Jeremy didn’t even seem to realize he wasn’t done. And Kieran couldn’t speak to remind him. Not without breaking position, which would in turn signal that he’d heard enough.

Fortunately, Donna seemed to catch on to what was happening. She was a good alpha; if something happened to him during the next full moon, if he didn’t survive even after defeating James... She’d take care of the pack for him. “Jeremy Magorian, you have not yet answered all the questions,” she said quietly, not threatening but not submissive either. Just... there. Supporting Kieran.

Jeremy almost jumped, the surprise making his blood race through his veins. “Shit, yeah, right, okay,” he managed. “Okay, James called me there. Showed me that sick clip, proving everything I already suspected. Said you’d gone to take care of it. And then you came back, _with_ him. I still hoped that you’d seen what he was, that you’d just decided to bring him back home to expose him to the rest of us, but... Okay, I could understand that you were upset, and angry that we didn’t show respect right away, but I thought it was because of _him_ , because you were angry that he’d lied to you. But it wasn’t, and you threw James out, and the only thing he got for a lifetime of friendship and brotherhood was his clothes, his ID and some money. That’s not _right_ , Kieran. He deserves a lot more than that. I’m sorry, Kieran, but it’s the truth. You’ve let a pretend omega ruin everything. I want to take your side, but I can’t see it. And if I have to choose between an omega, if he is that, who’s been with us for four months and an alpha who’s been with us my entire life, then can you blame me for choosing the latter?”

A rumbling growl rose from Kieran’s throat, but while he hated Jeremy for it, he knew every word spoken had been true. His teeth clamped down as he struggled with his urge to break the skin, to taste Jeremy’s blood and flesh. He could taste Jeremy’s fear as the beta realized his life was, indeed, at stake, could smell the realization of it on every wolf around him. Could taste Nicholas’... No. _Couldn’t_ taste Nicholas’ fear or horror, nor relief that Jeremy would be gone. Nicholas remained calm, trusting Kieran to do what was right. Trusting Kieran to _know_ what was right.

With effort, he forced his jaws to unlock, forced himself to release his grip. “You’re wrong, Jeremy,” he whispered hoarsely against his wet skin, could taste the blood rising to the surface, the bruise already starting to form. “You’re so wrong, and you don’t even know it.”

Straightening, he tried to recall the proper words that would conclude Jeremy’s trial, couldn’t even remember if there _were_ any for this situation. Ah, screw it. He’d make something up. “Jeremy Magorian,” he said, going for honesty rather than ritual. “I will not take your life, but I cannot welcome you back into my pack with so much anger in your heart.” Jeremy’s anger rose at that, probably seeing it as yet another case of Kieran taking Nicholas’ word over his. “I will give you leave to consider what you want to do until the full moon, until the challenge has been made and concluded. I believe your intentions are true, but you are misguided. Will you give me your word that you will harm no member of my pack, and lend no aid to the challenger until the challenge is resolved?”

Jeremy’s jaw clenched, and Kieran held his breath as he waited. At least the anger had gone down a little.

“I will, pack leader,” Jeremy responded. “You have my word.” And then, in a bitter undertone, “If that means anything to you anymore.”

Kieran ignored that last bit, instead letting out a sigh of relief. “Then I will not confine you. I ask that you do not leave the house unless absolutely necessary, and that you do not release Samantha Dermott from her confinement. I do hope that you and the omega will be able to resolve your differences.” He closed his eyes for a moment at the scepticism in Jeremy’s eyes. “You may join the others by the wall.”

There was confusion in the air, then.

“You are not done, pack leader?” Donna asked him, but he gave no notice that he’d heard. He only waited until Jeremy had backed off, turned around and left to join his fellow former suspects. Then he let his gaze fall on Nicholas.

“Nicholas Teague,” he said, and smelled the shock everyone felt, smelled the resignation surrounding Nicholas, strangely enough mixed with a brief spike of... joy? “You have been accused of deceit and intentional corruption of your pack leader. I will hear your words, and by my fangs shall justice be made. Come, and offer your life to me. Should your heart be true, it will be returned.”

Nicholas rose smoothly, and approached him with his head still bowed. When he was close enough he stopped and equally smoothly sank down to stand on his knees, making him shorter than Kieran instead of taller. He clasped his hands behind his back, leaving himself open to attack. “Pack leader and master, I place my throat under your teeth, and pray you judge me worthy and true.” Closing his eyes, he tilted his head just enough to bare his throat.

Kieran leaned in, inhaling Nicholas’ sweet smell. He didn’t try to soothe Nicholas’ fears; he now knew that if he told Nicholas not to be afraid, the omega would take him literally, and probably excise all fear from his emotional range. After what Kieran had seen earlier, he couldn’t doubt it to be possible. “Tell me truly and fully. Simple yes or no answers won’t do. Is there any truth to Jeremy’s words regarding your actions or intents? Why did you come to this pack?” He swallowed. “Do you have any other, alpha or otherwise, whom you owe your allegiance?” After a heartbeat’s consideration, he added, “You may speak of your former pack, should it be relevant, and the earlier suggestion to remain calm is rescinded.” And with that, he put his teeth to Nicholas’ skin, placed his tongue against the suddenly rapid pulse beating there. Blinked at the moan of desire that vibrated through Nicholas as he did.

“I...” Nicholas shuddered against him. Kieran could feel the omega’s jaw moving against his face. “I did do what looked like torture to the woman he must have seen in the clip, Master, I do not deny that, but I did it at her behest – the scene they’re talking about was my second with her. She wouldn’t have returned to me if I hadn’t been able to give her what she wanted. Yes, her arousal affected me; I know they did not speak of it, but I know they saw my erection. If they saw the bit with electro-play, they would have.” Kieran strained to not let his reactions show, telling himself this was stuff he’d already known, or at least suspected. “If I’ve been strong, dominant, it’s because it’s what they’ve needed. I’ve never _wanted_ to dominate others, but... once I had a pack again, once I’d met you, I couldn’t submit to... couldn’t submit in an obvious fashion to anyone else. I’ve always kept careful track of their emotional state, made sure their pain never exceeded the pleasure they derived from it. I didn’t know... I didn’t _think_ I needed to ask your permission to play, because I’d been without a pack for so long I’d almost forgotten, and you never... you never showed any sign you wanted my full submission. I’ve been treated like... like a gamma. Like a human. Cared for, encouraged, respected more than I deserve, handled as though I’m fragile... I can’t live like that, Master. I need the rules, I need the structure, I need to serve. I thought you weren’t willing to grant that, so I... sought it elsewhere, lied to myself that dominating others meant I wasn’t submitting, wasn’t serving. It was never my intention to disobey or make you look like a fool, and I’m–” He cut himself off, his face twisting into a grimace of near-pain, accompanied by a surge of guilt and remorse. “I beg that you correct me for my mistake.”

He paused to take a deep breath. Tears were streaming down his cheeks, falling wetly onto Kieran, but Nicholas barely even seemed to notice them as he went on, apparently having made a leap to the next question Kieran had asked. “I came to this pack because I couldn’t stand living alone any longer. Yours wasn’t the first I asked; I asked two others before I met you, and was rejected both times. One pack already had an omega and didn’t want more, the other... said they didn’t want _any_ omegas in their pack. I don’t know if they were true, but those were the reasons given. I was so tired, so lonely... And then I met you, and I knew I couldn’t... couldn’t do it again, that if you didn’t want me, I’d... never be able to ask another pack. You’re the only one who holds my allegiance, the only one who holds the gift of my life. Anything you ask of me, I will do. But Master, I beg of you... If you do not want me in your pack anymore, please... Please take my life, because I won’t want it.”

Kieran’s heart seemed to stop at that request. Nicholas would... rather die? _I’d never be able to ask another pack._ Nicholas hadn’t meant... he hadn’t meant that he’d stop asking. He’d meant that he wouldn’t be able to ask because he’d be dead.

He was stuck there, frozen in place. Then he let go of Nicholas throat. “No,” he demanded, pressing his lips against the wet skin. “No, I will not allow you to die.” He couldn’t.

Horror and resignation rose up and settled around Nicholas like a web. “Yes, Master,” he choked, seemingly barely able to squeeze out the words. “I understand.”

Kieran could have screamed. He’d done it again, and now Nicholas was probably convinced he’d be thrown out of the pack and forbidden to die, condemned to live alone. “No,” he said again, before he forced himself to stand, forced himself to draw a deep breath and speak the words Nicholas and the others needed to hear. “Nicholas Teague, I give you your life back. Your heart is true, and you are welcome in my pack.”

Nicholas was still, as if he hadn’t even heard. Then his emotions broke through. Disbelief, hope, joy... and the undercurrent of love that Kieran wouldn’t have been able to notice if he hadn’t been so close, if he hadn’t scented it before when Nicholas was close to empty. “Thank you, pack leader. Master.” The words tumbled at first awkwardly across stiff lips, then more and more fluidly. “I offer you my obedience and loyalty, my body, my heart and my soul. Your pack is mine, your will is mine, from this day forward until death takes me from your side. If you will it, I won’t hesitate to follow you beyond.”

Stunned silence filled the night, Kieran no less taken aback than the rest of them. That... was not the usual oath of allegiance. It was similar to what Nicholas had offered him back when he’d joined the pack, but... it was so much more than that.

“Sweet night,” Langdon breathed softly.

Kieran couldn’t help but agree with him. What Nicholas had just spoken had been a mix of an omega’s oath of allegiance and what was spoken between a mated pair, and then some. Had Nicholas just... made a one-sided mating bond? Offering everything and not asking for anything in return other than to be allowed to remain in the pack? Had he... just said that if Kieran died, Nicholas would join him if that was what Kieran wanted?

 _Of course he had_ , his mind supplied in a cynical tone. _He just said he didn’t want to live without you, didn’t he?_ No, Nicholas had said he didn’t want to live without a pack, not that he didn’t want to live without Kieran.

 _Yeah, you try to convince yourself of that._ He would, thank you very much.

He cleared his throat and turned toward the wall where five werewolves stood watching them, eyes huge and scents chaotic. “Are you satisfied for now, Jeremy?” he asked quietly, knowing the beta would hear him.

Jeremy sucked in a deep breath. “I... suppose. Can I go in now?”

His scent implied he wasn’t completely honest, but Kieran sighed and nodded his permission anyway. There’d be time to talk to Jeremy later. “Alright everyone, we’re done out here. I don’t know about you, but I’m hungry.” It’d been, what? Five hours since he ate? Six? Exhausting hours, at that, mentally and emotionally, and it felt like it had been ages since then. And... there was nothing ready, he knew, since everyone who hadn’t been out had been stuck in that reception room, first waiting for Kieran to come home and then waiting for the rest of the pack to get there.

“Pizza?” Langdon suggested, apparently having deducted the reason for Kieran’s hesitation.

“Excellent suggestion.”


	9. Chapter 9

_Nicholas_

 

Nicholas felt like he was floating on clouds as he followed Kieran inside. Small, happy, fluffy little clouds. When Kieran had told him he wasn’t allowed to die, he’d been so sure. Been so sure that the next words out of his master’s mouth would be saying he wasn’t wanted anymore, that he’d have to leave the pack and go make it on his own. He shouldn’t have doubted Kieran, but he wouldn’t have blamed him. Like Jeremy had said; if you put someone you’d barely known for four months against someone you’d known your whole life, or close enough to it... who would you believe?

 _Come, and offer your life to me._ Oh, if Kieran had only known the offer had been made long ago. At least now it was official. He’d given his oath, handed himself over to Kieran to do what he wanted with, and he’d gladly do it again. It was fine if Kieran didn’t want him that way, he reminded himself, just in case his neediness was going to rear its head again. It was acceptable if all Kieran wanted was... a more subservient gamma. Nicholas wouldn’t _like_ it, but... Now that Kieran knew what he needed, it was up to his master to give him what he deserved. If Kieran didn’t think Nicholas deserved rules, deserved structure, deserved discipline... then Nicholas just had to accept his master’s decision, didn’t he?

He stopped and automatically went to his knees, bowing his head submissively, when Kieran halted in front of him and turned around. A hint of confusion, then Kieran sighed. “And you, omega,” he said, making Nicholas wince slightly. So they were back to ‘omega’ again. Fair enough; he was probably still being punished since no mention had been made that he’d been forgiven. The only reason he’d been called by name had probably been because the ritual demanded it. Setting his hands to the floor, he bent down further, showing his willingness to submit fully. “You need to go get those clothes in the laundry. I don’t want you wearing that human’s scent any longer.” A brief pause, but not long enough to indicate he was done. “And you should probably shower too.”

Nicholas heart sank. “Yes, Master,” he acknowledged. He didn’t want to wash Kieran’s scent off his body, but if that was what Kieran wanted, that’s what he’d do. He hesitated. “What do you want me to do after, Master?” Was he supposed to come find Kieran, or wait for him somewhere? Nicholas didn’t know, and he needed to know what was expected of him.

“Food should be here in about twenty-five minutes or so, I guess. Just make sure you’re back by then.”

“Yes, Master.”

Kieran turned and continued down the hallway, and Nicholas jumped to his feet and hurried upstairs to the main bathroom, stripping off his shirt as he went along. He didn’t want Derek’s scent on himself any more than Kieran wanted him to... he just wished he didn’t have to earn back the privilege of wearing Kieran’s.

He’d barely set foot inside the bathroom before his clothes were off and in the nearest hamper; he only paused enough to fish his wallet out of his back pocket and put it on the sink. Turning on one of the shower heads in the communal shower that would have looked less out of place in a gym or school rather than a family home, he dug out a towel while he waited for the water to warm up. It didn’t take as long as he’d expected it to when he first moved in here; it may be an old house, but it was well maintained, everything electric or HVAC-related being kept up to date and in good condition.

It was one thing to tell himself it was okay, but a completely different thing to actually go through with it. Nicholas didn’t cry as the water washed every trace of Kieran’s scent off of him, but he wanted to. This _had_ to be part of his punishment, to not even be allowed to have the scent markings of his alpha, to be forced to present himself as if unclaimed and unwanted. Either that, or Kieran didn’t consider what his marking _meant_ to Nicholas. To be honest, Nicholas wasn’t sure which of the two options he preferred.

Grief and regret plagued him as he rubbed the neutral-scented soap into his skin. It wasn’t scent-free, or even what humans referred to as ‘perfume free’ – which only meant that it usually smelled like chemicals instead – but it was the closest to it that was possible. There was just the vague scent of soap and tallow. And it was utterly destroying even the _memory_ of Kieran’s scent on his skin. He washed his hair as well before turning off the water and starting to rub himself dry.

Pulling a hairbrush through his hair, he held back his winces as the brush invariably found tangles. The pain was nothing compared to losing his alpha’s favour. He paused, wiping the fog off the mirror and staring into it, wondering if Kieran would prefer his hair loose or held back in a tail. Bowing his head, he wished he’d thought to ask; he didn’t know, but doing the wrong thing would only make things worse. He had to be the best omega, for Kieran. He had to be perfect.

 _Practice makes perfect._ It was a human saying, but he drew a deep breath when he realized it applied to this situation as well. He couldn’t know what Kieran wanted of him, but he’d learn. He’d learn what Kieran wanted of him, and with every thing he learned, he’d become closer and closer to perfect. Kieran had told him to do his best, that it’d be good enough. He’d do his best and trust his master to tell him if it was wrong.

He looked up into the mirror again, intent on making a choice. And then he stared in horror as his hair had fallen forward and now covered up his neck. No. That wouldn’t do. That was _wrong_. Pulled back, then. His throat would be bared, vulnerable. Available. Empty.

Nicholas scowled and retracted that last thought. He’d already gone over this with himself, more than once. Just because humans collared their submissives didn’t mean that an alpha would collar his omega. Not when the alpha in question didn’t have the same association when it came to collars. It had taken Nicholas over two months to get over the initial unease when he saw someone collared, and another month and a bit to apply the same logic to the thought of a collar around his own neck. It hadn’t been until he’d met Kieran that he’d felt the first twinges of longing to bear a collar, a collar with Kieran’s name on it. As if that would ever happen. Besides, he wouldn’t be able to wear a permanent collar anyway; his neck was a lot thicker in wolf shape than it was now, and to find a collar that would fit both his shapes...? And there was also the fact that a collar wouldn’t have any such significance for anyone other than him and the BDSM community he, as per Kieran’s orders, was no longer a part of. For werewolves, submission wasn’t about collars; it was about scent and body language, and Nicholas had no need of a collar to show he belonged to Kieran. He sighed and dropped the finger that had been tracing the line on his throat where a collar would sit. It didn’t matter. All that mattered was Kieran. Speaking of which, he was done in here. It was time to find his master.

Hanging up the towel on one of the available hooks on the wall, he left the bathroom, grabbing his wallet on the way out. Kieran had said to undress and shower. He hadn’t said anything about finding clean clothes, so for now Nicholas would remain naked. It didn’t bother him. Not when werewolves could scent every strong emotion on him no matter if he wore clothes or not. Sure, they’d be able to see if he got aroused, but they’d have known that anyway, and... it wasn’t as if he’d been that aroused since leaving the club. Not when Kieran was upset with him. There was nothing sexual about submitting to Kieran right now, just the need to be forgiven, to be accepted. Right now, obeying orders didn’t give the thrill it ordinarily would; it only made him feel grateful. Grateful that he was given the opportunity to do something right.

Taking a deep breath and shaking those thoughts from his head, he went by the small guest room he occupied to toss his wallet onto the bed before heading downstairs, following the trail of Kieran’s scent to the living room, pausing for just a second as he caught sight of his master at the dining table set up in one part of it and momentarily lost the ability to breathe. He barely even saw the others in the room; Kieran took up all his attention. Before Kieran’s eyes turned toward him, he’d recovered and lowered his gaze to the floor. Padding across the room, he knelt by Kieran’s chair, once more assuming his position.

Kieran’s scent was... carefully and painfully neutral. Not entirely, but enough to blunt the edges of everything that would stand out, giving just the vaguest impressions of arousal, anger and... something more. Sadness, maybe? In contrast, he knew his own desire, fear, anguish and desperate need to please would be easy to pick out by everyone around him.

“You’re not too cold, are you?”

“No, Master.” Even if he’d been cold, he’d have given that reply. The question hadn’t been whether he was cold or not, it had been whether he was _too_ cold. He doubted he’d ever be too cold to serve his alpha.

“Respectfully, Kieran,” he heard Donna’s voice from somewhere behind him. “Are you planning on making him grovel on the floor for much longer?”

There was a momentary pause. “Omega, why are you abasing yourself before me?” There was no curiosity in his tone of voice, nor in his scent – not that Nicholas would be able to tell that anyway, with the alpha holding back like he was. There was nothing to reveal whether he was asking because he didn’t know or because he wanted everyone to know.

Nicholas’ stomach clenched tightly as he realized he’d be forced to reveal his sins to the entire pack. But Kieran had the right to demand it. He had the right to demand anything. “Because you’re displeased with me, Master,” he said softly, but loudly enough that Kieran wouldn’t think he was trying to hide from anyone. There wasn’t really any reason to hide it since they already knew it; he’d said it at least once, while he was being judged. Of course, not all the wolves had been present for that, so that was probably why Kieran had him repeat it. “Because I’m being punished. I failed you by being unable to give you the entire truth, the full answer to the question you’d asked me. I failed you by allowing others to touch me, by lying to myself that I wasn’t serving others when I gave human submissives what they wanted and needed.” Was there more? He’d done so many things wrong; which ones were important and which ones weren’t? “My actions allowed... allowed your former second-in-command to undermine your authority over the pack.” Like Jeremy had said, James had been in this pack for a long time. Hadn’t he said James and Kieran had been like brothers? Now Nicholas’ belly was churning, nausea rising up. If it hadn’t been for him, Kieran wouldn’t have lost a pack member today. And he couldn’t even apologize for it. “I can’t... It would be _wrong_ to pretend I’m not under punishment, that I don’t deserve whatever punishment you see fit to deal to me.” Until Kieran had forgiven him, until Kieran could bring himself to mention Nicholas’ name again, how could he _not_ grovel? Nicholas would do _anything_ if it’d make Kieran pleased with him again.

 _What if he never will be?_ that voice in his head asked. _What if he doesn’t want an omega at his feet?_ Fear swirled up inside him, choking him. No. He refused to believe that. He’d seen... He’d seen Kieran acting under instinct, dominating him. He couldn’t not want...

A hint of dismay from the man before him only seemed to make it worse. “Are you scared of me?”

The question had come from Kieran, and it had to be answered. “Yes, Master,” he admitted, hating himself for it as the bad scent from Kieran grew stronger. Not much, but enough to push just a little further out of the alpha’s control.

“Of being punished?”

“No, Master!” The words were out before he could think twice. Did Kieran really think so little of him? That he’d try to avoid his punishment? He pressed himself further down into the floor until his head rested against the smooth wood beneath him. “Please, Master, punish me in any way you desire,” he begged.

A brief pause, and he worried that he’d said the wrong thing again. Then Kieran spoke up again, a hint of curiosity in his tone this time. “Then why? What is it about me that frightens you?” Two simple questions, but they were two of the more dangerous questions he’d been asked. Nicholas squeezed his eyes shut, but couldn’t deny his master the answer. Couldn’t deny him the truth.

“That you don’t want me,” he whimpered. “That you’d feel better if I was someone else. If I was something else.” He’d do it. If Kieran didn’t want him around, he’d go away. If Kieran didn’t want his submission, he’d pretend to be less submissive. He’d hate it, but if it was the only way to please Kieran...

Kieran leaned over him, and he froze, fighting his instinct to roll over on his back and bare his throat. If Kieran wasn’t interested in his submission, that would be the wrong thing to do. So instead he waited, but the gentle hand stroking his hair, his shoulder, his back... He didn’t know what he’d been expecting, but that hadn’t been it. He held his breath, remaining still to allow Kieran to touch him wherever he wanted. It wasn’t much in the way of scent marking, but it was more than he’d expected and he loved it.

“I do want you,” Kieran said quietly but intensely, and tension melted from Nicholas’ body. Kieran wanted him. “I said it before, and I’ll say it again: You’re mine.”

“Yes, Master,” Nicholas sighed happily. “Yours.” It didn’t quite address the issue of Kieran preferring him... less submissive, or something, but at least he was wanted. “I shouldn’t have forgotten.” See? He was doing better. He hadn’t even _tried_ to apologize. He’d managed to make it a statement rather than a complaint, without needing to force it.

Kieran chuckled gently. “I’ll remind you as often as necessary.” The vague sound of a car pulling up outside the house reached them, and Nicholas held back a whimper as Kieran straightened in his seat, feeling the loss of his alpha’s touch keenly. “Now sit up; you won’t be able to eat like that.”

Oh, Nicholas didn’t need to eat; he was happy just kneeling here next to Kieran. Half of him wanted to tell Kieran that, but the other half pointed out that Kieran had given him an order. There’d been no ‘if you want’ attached to it. It wasn’t an option. So Nicholas pushed his head off the floor and sat back on his heels. For a moment, he hesitated about where to put his hands, but... he was still under punishment and had to display his willingness to submit. So he clasped his hands behind his back.

The front door opened, and his nose was attacked by the scents of Peter and Kelly, mixed with the heady aroma of pizza. Of ham and mushrooms and tomatoes and chicken and... was that peanuts?

“I’m not going to feed you, omega,” Kieran said, pulling him back from the distracting scents. “Hands in front.”

Nicholas obeyed, unable to help a wistful sigh at the thought of Kieran feeding him, making him completely reliant on his master’s good will – not that he wasn’t already.

“Maybe at some point,” Kieran added in a soft whisper, barely audible, stirring up Nicholas’ desire with both his words and the tone of his voice. “If you’ve been really good.”

Yes. Nicholas would be good. He’d take his punishment without a single complaint, and he’d learn from it, and he’d be good.


	10. Chapter 10

_Kieran_

 

Dinner had been a quiet affair. For maybe the third time since Kieran had assumed leadership of the pack, five years ago, the wolves by some unspoken agreement adhered to strict feeding protocol. No one touched their food before Kieran had picked up a slice of his pizza and taken his first bite. Then Donna took one. Then Charlie, as the only mated beta. After that, the other betas. Then the gammas. And by the time Nicholas was ‘allowed’ to start eating, Kieran had already finished his slice and was reaching for a second. The strangest thing, in Kieran’s mind, was that no one seemed to object to this. No one seemed to think it was extreme, or strange, or unnecessary. It felt... natural.

“It’s late,” Kieran announced when he’d finished his pizza and Nicholas didn’t seem inclined to eat anything more. “I’m turning in. Finish eating and clean up. Charlie, don’t forget Samantha.” He’d asked Charlie to be in charge of the key to Samantha’s room. He was physically strong enough to restrain Samantha if she should try to escape or fight, and with the bond to his mate he’d be unresponsive to any attempts of seduction.

“Of course not, Kieran,” Charlie rumbled, then lowered his eyes. “Pack leader,” he corrected himself.

Kieran held back a sigh as he stood up. He’d probably go insane if people stopped using his name. “Kieran is fine, Charlie. Outside of official business, my name’s fine. If it wouldn’t be, I’ll make sure you know.” He let his gaze slide across everyone in the room – well, almost everyone – to indicate he wasn’t speaking solely to Charlie.

“Right. Thanks.” Charlie ventured a small smile. “Could get tedious, I suppose. And impersonal, like it wouldn’t matter who our pack leader is.”

The words hit him straight in his heart, made his chest feel too tight. Not trusting himself with a response, he simply nodded and offered a smile in return. Then he beckoned to Nicholas and took a couple of steps toward the other end of the living room, where the door to his quarters was.

Behind him, the omega staggered to his feet – was he hurt? Kieran carefully controlled the urge to look back and make sure Nicholas was alright – and hurried to catch up. Kieran glanced to his side, saw Nicholas’ bowed head just behind him. Against his will, his eyes strayed to Nicholas’ nipples, recalled the human omega... no, submissive, who’d been waiting with his female... dom, was it? Recalled the rings in his nipples, the split chain fastened to them, the woman’s firm grip on it as she led him into the just vacated room. He swallowed, and resolutely turned his head forward again. They weren’t human. They had no need for such... symbols of dominance. They were wolves, and they already knew who was dominant and not. How could they not?

“We have things to discuss, omega,” he explained shortly. “Things that have been delayed far too long.” He’d promised to have a punishment ready by the time they got home. He still wasn’t entirely sure what would be considered appropriate.

“Yes, Master,” Nicholas whispered quietly. If it hadn’t been for the fear and gratitude swirling in his scent, Kieran might have assumed him to be complacent.

He didn’t comment, only led the way through the main living room to the master suite that, unlike the other bedrooms, was located on the ground floor.

“Close the door behind you,” he said as he entered, hearing Nicholas obey him while he headed over to drop down into the old leather armchair he sometimes imagined still smelled like his father. It didn’t, of course, not after all these years, but he liked to imagine it.

Nicholas approached him, falling to his knees and prostrating himself before Kieran. For a brief moment, he’d entertained the notion that maybe Nicholas wouldn’t do that when it was just the two of them, but he really should have known better, shouldn’t he? _Because you’re displeased with me, Master. Because I’m being punished. It would be_ wrong _to pretend I’m not._ Nicholas words echoed inside his head. He’d known it. Even if it had never been said out loud before then, he’d known that had to be the reason.

He waited in silence, studying Nicholas intently. What he was waiting for, he wasn’t sure, just that he needed _something_ from Nicholas. Anything. A reaction. The seconds ticked by as he looked down at the still omega, wondering if he was waiting in vain.

There. A miniscule shiver travelled down Nicholas’ back, so small he might have missed it. But it was enough.

“What do you think we need to discuss?” he asked.

Nicholas swallowed, but didn’t hesitate for longer than that. “The rest of my punishment, Master.”

Kieran frowned. The rest? He’d been firm, yes, adhering to protocol as much as he could, been more dominant than he’d been since he’d learned to control the onslaught of hormones puberty had brought. But... he’d thought that was what Nicholas had wanted. Even if the main reason had been to impress on his pack how serious he was, he’d still thought it had been something Nicholas had been missing. “Your punishment hasn’t started yet.”

Nicholas froze and lowered himself further, panic rolling off him in waves. “Of course, Master,” he whimpered at the floor. “It was presumptuous of me. It won’t happen again.”

No. Kieran couldn’t let this go. He needed to know what Nicholas was thinking, or he’d keep making the same mistakes over and over again. “Explain.”

A soft whimper, a wordless plea for mercy. “I thought... I’m–” He bit the word off so abruptly Kieran could almost hear his teeth clack together. “I thought it was part of the punishment.” Thought _what_ was part of it? Kieran almost snapped the question at him, but the urge died at Nicholas’ next words. “Please, Master, tell me what I can do to earn back the privilege to be called by name.”

Kieran felt numb. He’d thought... Quickly, before his emotions could overwhelm him, he took a deep breath, trying to relax. He didn’t want Nicholas to misunderstand him, interpret the emotions infecting his scent as a sign Kieran was... displeased.

“It’s that important to you?” It was all he could think of to say. Unfortunately, Nicholas seemed to misinterpret the question.

“Yes, Master,” he said eagerly. “I want to please you. I want to make you... satisfied with me. With my service.” ‘Satisfied’ obviously wasn’t his first choice of words, but Kieran decided to let it go for now.

“Nicholas,” he said softly, and the omega seemed to melt into a puddle of pure gratitude. “That’s not what I meant.” Worry started to sneak its way back into Nicholas scent, and he hurried on. “No, I’m not upset about that.” The worry eased back. “I simply hadn’t realized it was that important to you to hear me say your name.” He needed to tread carefully, to make sure he didn’t say the wrong thing. “This is part of what we need to talk about. Not only what your punishment will be, but about things like this. Things that you want and need, that you want me to do but are afraid to ask of me.”

“I’ll accept anything you give me, Master,” Nicholas insisted earnestly. “Anything at–”

“No, Nicholas,” Kieran cut him off. Nicholas immediately stopped talking and descended into a chaos of pleasure and anguish. To be honest, it wasn’t that difficult to deduce the reason for it. The pleasure was because Kieran had used his name, and the anguish because he’d ‘displeased’ his alpha enough to make him say no. “I know there are things you want from me, things that make you feel better. And when I decline to do those things, you feel as though I’m punishing you for something. Like me calling you by name. I’m sure there are other things as well.” He smiled slightly. “Am I incorrect in my assumptions, _omega_?”

Nicholas whimpered dejectedly. “No, Master,” he whispered. “You’re not, I’m–” Again, he cut himself off. Kieran frowned.

“What were you going to say?”

Another whimper, and then Nicholas was no longer on his knees. Before Kieran knew what happened, he’d rolled over onto his back and tilted his head back to the point of lifting his shoulders off the floor. “I’ll do better. I’ll be good,” he pleaded. “I won’t try to apologize again.”

What? Kieran could only stare at him, completely bewildered, while his mind raced to come up with a reason for why Nicholas thought he couldn’t apologize. He was pretty sure it didn’t have anything to do with pack rules. Had it been something his old pack had insisted on? But no, he hadn’t seemed to have any problems earlier that night to beg forgiveness for the most ridicu...lous things. Oh shit. Had he, at some point, given some open-ended order not to apologize that Nicholas had interpreted to be permanent or until further notice? Surely that couldn’t be it. He looked down at the omega, the cynical part of him sincerely hoping that Nicholas’ instincts didn’t run so deep that he’d actually wet himself in a show of submission.

He sighed. Were there more orders he’d accidentally given? “Nicholas, back on your knees.” With a final whimper, Nicholas obeyed. “Now, tell me... What orders are still in effect?”

“I am not allowed to die. I will do my very best in serving you, and it will be good enough. Not another word about my old pack unless you ask specifically. No one else is to touch me. No sharing. If you order me to be quiet, the order will only apply to that particular topic unless specified otherwise. I will trust you to not doubt me. No more apologies. I will never mention not wanting you to do things against your will. I will never, ever play the dominant with a human again. I will not enter Devotion or any other club with the same theme without you.” His tone seemed to insinuate he didn’t expect Kieran to ever set foot in such a club if he wasn’t forced to. After half a breath’s pause, he added, “I will stay on my knees for now.”

Fuck. That was a lot of orders. Most of those hadn’t been orders; they’d been assurances. Well, okay, about half had been. He didn’t even remember saying one or two of them. “Oh, Nicholas,” he sighed. Then he frowned, something about those rules niggling him. He thought back, and then it hit him. “Hold on, didn’t I see you touch Aidan out back?” Nicholas _had_ had his hand on Aidan’s thigh, hadn’t he?

Nicholas’ scent was uneasy. “Yes, Master,” he admitted. “He was tense, on the verge of getting up, so I followed your order to use any means necessary to ensure he didn’t disturb you. Was my action presumptuous, Master?”

Kieran didn’t need to think about that. Especially as he hadn’t really intended to forbid _that_ kind of touching. “No, it wasn’t,” he said, and Nicholas relaxed noticeably. “You did well.” Nicholas trembled, but the powerful scent of gratitude and pleasure assured him that it wasn’t out of fear. “But it has made it clear that I will need to specify a few of those orders further.”

Nicholas waited, seemingly completely attentive. However, before Kieran ventured into that minefield, there was another question he needed an answer to.

“When did I order you not to mention your dislike for me doing things against my will?”

“At Devotion, Master. In the play room.”

“You need to be a bit more specific than that.” There was far too much that had been said in that room for Kieran to remember everything.

“Y-you were talking about learning to give me what I wanted, Master.” Kieran did recall discussing that, as well as Nicholas’ protests. He groaned. Protests that he’d responded to with ‘quiet’.

_If you order me to be quiet, the order will only apply to that particular topic._

What was it he’d said? Forget minefield; handling Nicholas was far more dangerous and tricky than a mere minefield. He’d thought he’d been clever in his formulation of that rule. Apparently he hadn’t been.

Closing his eyes for a moment, Kieran gathered his thoughts and mentally ran through the list Nicholas had recited. Time to see what he could do to correct his mistakes. “First of all, there are a few orders that will _not_ be lifted by a blanket permission like the one I gave you earlier. These orders are: Not being allowed to die; no sharing; no playing dominant with humans; trusting me not to doubt you; not entering Devotion or similar clubs without me. And, like before, no discussing your old pack. These actions will only ever be allowed if I give specific permission to break the rule. Other orders may be added to that list in the future. Do you think...? No. _Will_ you be able to remember those?”

“Yes, Master,” Nicholas answered eagerly, breathlessly. “I will remember.”

“Good. Furthermore, consider the order regarding others touching you amended to ‘no one except me is allowed to touch you in order to give you pleasure or pain’, and likewise you’re not allowed to touch anyone other than me in order to give sexual pleasure. Those are also orders requiring specific permission to break.”

Nicholas took a deep breath, then let it out slowly, somehow seeming to relax even further. “Yes, Master,” he sighed, gratitude still coursing through his scent.

“Regarding the ‘quiet’ rule, in addition to applying only to that topic, it will also only apply during that conversation. If the same topic comes up again at a later point, you will be allowed to discuss it.”

“Yes, Master.” Shame now, mixed with confusion and worry. “May I ask something?”

“You may.”

“Does that apply from now on, or is it retroactive?”

Kieran sighed. “Yes, you may discuss that particular topic if it comes up again.” He didn’t feel comfortable even naming the topic, but fortunately it seemed Nicholas understood what he meant.

“Yes, Master. Thank you for clarifying, Master.”

He looked down at Nicholas, knowing he had to take responsibility as an alpha and as the leader of this pack, but knowing his duties didn’t make him any less unsure about his ability to fulfil those duties. Could he be the alpha Nicholas needed? Could he be the omega’s ‘master’? Just the fact that he wanted to put quotation marks around the title ‘master’ indicated he didn’t feel he could, didn’t it? There was no doubt he wanted Nicholas to be his, but... could he really handle everything that came with it?

It was too much, too soon. For Nicholas, it may have been months, but Kieran had had all this thrown in his face _today_. Surely he couldn’t be blamed for feeling unsettled about it, could he?

“And finally, regarding apologizing... The same applies to those as to speaking. If I tell you, without any specifications regarding application or time periods, that I don’t want to hear your apologies, you are to take that order to only apply to that particular subject during that particular discussion. If what you’ve done, or what you think you’ve done, requires any sort of punishment, that is for me to decide, isn’t it?”

“Yes, Master,” Nicholas said softly, but his scent was tinged with... sadness? There was a slight hint of fear there as well. Why?

He sighed. “Omega,” he said. “You’re not entirely honest with me, are you?”

Nicholas’ body stiffened, his unease flaring up again. “I haven’t lied, Master. I wouldn’t lie to you.”

“I know.” It had been said earlier, and Kieran had seen no reason to doubt his word. “But this is also part of what we need to discuss. Which part of what I said upset you?” He doubted it was the clarification regarding apologies, which meant it had to be the bit about punishments. But if Nicholas was afraid of being punished, he’d have to say it himself. Kieran wasn’t about to give him the easy way out by giving him a question that could be answered with a simple yes or no.

The omega swallowed where he knelt, staring down into the floor. “The... the last bit, Master.” Kieran waited, tapping his fingers lightly against the arm rest. “The part about you deciding if what I’ve done merits punishment,” Nicholas eventually clarified.

Clearly, he wasn’t going to get much more than that out of him. Nicholas seemed to be in a very literal mood at the moment, even for him, answering only the specific question that had been asked instead of intuiting the follow-up question and answering that without Kieran’s assistance.

“Why?” he therefore asked. “Why did it upset you? In what way?” Maybe one of those questions would give him the answer he was looking for. The explanation he needed. But just to be sure, he added, “I want your full honesty in this answer, mind you. No half truths, no omissions, no evasion.”

“Because I’m scared, Master,” Nicholas whispered quietly. “I’m scared that I’ll do something wrong, and you won’t punish me for it. I’m scared you won’t think me worth the correction. I’m scared because I won’t be able to argue with your decision even when I know that not being punished when I’ve done wrong is worse than being punished. I’m scared that you’ll let me off the hook because you’re uncomfortable with what and who I am.” His breath hitched, and when he continued his choked voice made it clear he had to force the words out. “I’m terrified that I’ll be unable to obey you if you forgive any and all mistake, and end up punishing myself for it because I don’t believe I deserve forgiveness. I’m sorry, Master, I can’t help it, please don’t send me away.”

For a few seconds after Nicholas stopped talking, Kieran found himself unable to breathe. Not because... Well, alright, _partly_ because Nicholas apparently _wanted_ to be punished, but mostly... Mostly because Nicholas seemed to have seen the possibilities that Kieran hadn’t yet had time to realize himself. Of course he’d try to avoid punishing Nicholas for his imagined transgressions. Of course he wasn’t comfortable with the idea of handing out punishment for something he didn’t consider important, or that might have been a mere mistake. And yes, he wasn’t entirely comfortable with the needs Nicholas clearly had, or with what had taken place at Devotion. But... he had agreed to take Nicholas in, and even now after he’d seen at least part of what Nicholas wanted from him he’d been willing to claim him. The human side of him didn’t like the thought of ‘owning’ someone else, but the wolf in him revelled in being able to call the omega _his_.

“You’re right,” he said, feeling slightly numb but at the same time knowing he owed Nicholas the same kind of honesty in return. “I won’t punish you every time you think you need to be.” Nicholas whimpered, but didn’t protest. “It’s true that I’m not entirely comfortable with the situation, either. I’ve never thought of myself as the kind of alpha who needs to push others down in order to feel strong and in control, and a part of me doesn’t think it’s right to own someone else.” He didn’t entirely like that term, even if the wolf in him approved of it. _Because_ the wolf in him approved of it. Own. He wanted to shy away from it, ignore that for all intents and purposes he owned Nicholas, but... he couldn’t. Not and still be honest with himself. He reached down and grabbed hold of Nicholas’ shoulders, pulling him up to sit before pressing his chin upwards with a finger until the omega was forced to close his eyes to avoid meeting Kieran’s gaze.

“Look at me,” he ordered gently, and those green eyes opened again though Nicholas still somehow managed to avoid looking straight into Kieran’s eyes. “I’ve told you before, and I’ll tell you as many times as I need to. You’re mine. I own you. Your obedience and your loyalty, your heart and your soul. Your body and your life.” They had been in the vow Nicholas had spoken out back. Well, not the last one, but... it hadn’t really needed to be, not with the other things Nicholas had said. The moan that escaped Nicholas’ lips as his scent and crotch swelled with desire told Kieran he’d said just the right thing. “Just because part of me doesn’t think it’s right doesn’t mean it’s any less true. But it means it will take me some time to get used to the idea. It’ll take me some time to figure out both your needs and mine. Some of our needs will be incompatible, I expect, but that doesn’t necessarily mean all of them are.” Nicholas smelled of discomfort now, though apparently not enough to overcome his arousal, his breathing a series of shallow gasps through barely-parted lips.

He took a deep breath and resisted the urge to capture those lips with his own, to bury himself in Nicholas’ taste. “Until we figure out where our needs mesh and where they clash, I will need absolute honesty from you. This means, among other things, that if my decision to punish or not punish you bothers you for some reason, I want you to tell me about it. Calmly and respectfully, but honestly. If you really think I should punish you for something and I’ve decided not to, I want to know why you think I should. If I’ve decided to punish you for something and you think the punishment is unfair, I want to know, and I want to know why you think so. I can’t promise that I’ll change my mind, but I promise I will listen to your opinion and take it into consideration. Do you understand?”

“Yes, Master,” Nicholas whimpered, his unease having melted away and been replaced by gratitude. “Thank you, Master.”

Kieran smiled, giving just a hint of his teeth. “Which brings me to the next important topic. Punishment.” That word sent a maelstrom of emotions through Nicholas’ scent: Fear, anguish, need, love, desperation, and a dozen others that just slipped through Kieran’s fingers when he tried to hold on to them long enough to identify them. “How have you usually been punished in the past?”

Disappointment. The emotion flared through Nicholas’ scent loud enough for Kieran to interpret it. Then fear overtook it. “I... Master, may I... My old...” Apparently unable to complete a single sentence, Nicholas gave up in favour of a keening whimper. Fortunately, he’d been clear enough that Kieran, in the light of the question he’d asked, realized what Nicholas was asking.

He sighed. “Yes, you may mention things that happened with your old pack, if necessary.” He wasn’t sure he wanted to hear it, when just the thought of what he’d heard so far made him want to seek out that pack leader – and his bitch of a mate, the term most certainly _not_ intended just in the canine fashion – and drench the earth in their blood, but if it could help him with inspiration he’d have to, wouldn’t he? If nothing else, if he was overwhelmed, he could always tell Nicholas to stop.

“Thank you, Master.” His gaze flickered down to the floor before returning up to Kieran’s face. Kieran wasn’t sure if it was that Nicholas had briefly forgotten about his ‘order’ to look up, or if he’d been unable to help himself, or if it had been some kind of circumspect way of asking permission to look down. Kieran decided to ignore it. “The most common given punishment, over-all, has been flogging.” It was tempting to ask him to specify just what the word meant to Nicholas, but it could wait. “Diarmaid... That is, my former pack leader’s second, who usually was the one to deliver punishment, he had a favourite flogger, with silver-tipped tails.”

That’s it. He’d definitely need Nicholas to explain the... The blood drained from Kieran’s face as the last words sank in. “Silver?” The word slipped out; he hadn’t intended to interrupt, but the image was too horrible. If left untreated, silver-poisoning would delay healing down to an almost human level, which in turn could leave severe scarring. Involuntarily, his gaze slid down to Nicholas’ back, searching for scars. There were two that he could see from here, but if Nicholas hadn’t told him he wouldn’t have known they’d come from being... flogged. Clearly Nicholas hadn’t experienced it much, or he’d been given treatment afterwards. Desperately, he hoped it was the former.

Nicholas swallowed, and nodded as much as Kieran’s numb hand under his chin would allow. “It... wasn’t _needed_ , not with me, but he still liked to use it now and then.”

Wasn’t needed? “Because you were good?” he hazarded, then could have bitten his tongue. He hadn’t intended to interrupt. But his embarrassment over losing control was nothing compared to the shame that flooded Nicholas.

“No, Master,” he admitted. “Because... because to me the pain wasn’t the worst. It was knowing that I’d failed. Eth... My former pack leader knew that, so while I was with them... While the most common punishment _dealt_ might have been flogging, that wasn’t... the most common punishment as such.” His gaze flickered down and to the side in a desperate move to escape scrutiny, the discomfort and shame plain on his face even if his scent hadn’t revealed it. It was a clear effort to look back up again, and when he continued it was in a soft whisper. “That was the _withholding_ of punishment. The knowledge that I’d done wrong, but I wasn’t worth the time it’d take to correct me. He’d... make me wait for days, make me beg to be allowed to pay for my mistake.” Like Kieran had done. “Until he was ready, he’d keep saying ‘no’. And I’d do it. Every single time. Anything to know he wasn’t angry with me, anything so he’d touch me again, pet me, fuck me, hit me. It didn’t–”

“Stop.” Kieran barely managed to push the word past his lips, but it was audible enough to make Nicholas fall silent mid-sentence. He just couldn’t listen anymore. Couldn’t hear Nicholas talk about that bastard anymore. Couldn’t hear that note of shame in his voice, hating the suspicion that it wasn’t because he’d hated it but because he was ashamed of having Kieran know that he hadn’t. “No more about them. I can’t...” He hated them. For what they’d done to Nicholas. For using him and abusing him and then discarding him without a second thought because the new alpha female hadn’t liked him.

“I’m sorry, Master,” Nicholas whispered. “I’ve disappointed you. Upset you. Failed y–”

“No,” Kieran hurried to say as soon as he realized what Nicholas was talking about. “No, you didn’t fail me. You followed orders, that’s all. I just can’t help hating them for what they did to you.” He took a deep breath, forcing himself to put it aside for now. “What about later? After... you left them?”

Nicholas blinked, but didn’t protest either the denial of his guilt or the new focus for the question he’d been asked. “Flogging, Master, at least at first. I never had any long-term relationships, worried that they might find out what I am, but I was offered a job at the club and took it, so... I had a supervisor, and for a little while it helped ground me, even if she was human. But... she figured out fairly quickly how fast I heal. I managed to hide it for a while, but... I screwed up.

“She’d caned me, twelve stripes, and two days later I forgot, just once, to pretend it hurt to sit down. She had me strip, and when she saw the bruises were all but gone, she... wasn’t happy with me. Not because I healed quickly – she didn’t seem to think it anything impossibly out of reach for a human, or at least she didn’t say anything about it – but because I hadn’t told her. She caned me again, then two more times before I left for the night, though she kindly enough did it in private when I asked her to keep my healing secret. After that... she got more creative with punishment, focusing more on humiliation than pain.”

Kieran wasn’t quite sure how to react. Part of him was upset that Nicholas had been hurt and didn’t seem to mind it. Another part was outraged that _someone else_ had done that to him. And yet another part, a part he didn’t really want to acknowledge, was... intrigued. He wasn’t sure he’d be able to beat Nicholas like that... or flog or cane or whatever the omega wanted to call it. That just... wasn’t okay. Despite knowing the bruises would heal quickly. He felt a growl start deep inside his belly at the thought of Nicholas with bruises, even bruises Kieran had put there. Then Nicholas let out a keening whimper as he tore himself away from the hand that still held his chin and ducked down onto the floor again, pressing himself as flat against the floor as possible while still remaining on his knees.

“I’m sorry, Master,” he begged. “Please tell me what I did wrong. I’ll do better, I promise, I won’t–”

“Nicholas,” Kieran snapped, before forcing his anger down at the omega’s flinch. “You didn’t do anything wrong. I asked you to tell me; you did. I just accidentally pictured someone else’s hands on you, hurting you.” Those words seemed to ease Nicholas’ fear and transform it into... something softer, an almost surprised gratitude and love.

“Thank you, Master,” came softly. Whether the thanks were due to Kieran telling him or due to Kieran being that possessive, there was no way of knowing without asking. He wasn’t sure he wanted to ask.

“You’re welcome. Now sit up and continue.”

“Yes, Master,” Nicholas acknowledged, pushing his upper body off the floor before clasping his hands behind his back. The position again sent a thrill through Kieran that converged in the pit of his belly, even if he consciously had no idea of why. Something about it spoke to his instincts, but he didn’t have time to figure it out just now. “Do...” Nicholas hesitated, then went on. “Do you still want me to look at you, Master?”

No doubt it’d be easier for him to talk if he was allowed to keep his eyes on the floor, like a ‘good omega’. And normally, Kieran wouldn’t have any problem with that. “Yes.” Nicholas whimpered but raised his head, his gaze stopping somewhere around Kieran’s mouth and nose, his eyes halfway closed. “In fact, I want you to look into my eyes for as long as you are able to.” A gasp, before his eyelids slid up completely and those green eyes met Kieran’s. Kieran’s lips twitched into a satisfied smirk. “Uncomfortable, omega?”

“Yes, Master,” Nicholas admitted, the look in his eyes pleading to be let off the hook, but he didn’t say anything.

“Good.”

Shocked realization flashed across Nicholas’ face. His pupils dilated slightly as he drew in a sharp breath. “Yes, Master. Thank you, Master.” He licked his lips, making them glisten with saliva, but Kieran held back the urge to swoop down and taste them. “Madame would... My supervisor, that is, she started to make the punishment fit the crime. For example, if I spilled something and it was edible, she’d order me to lick it up.” His mouth twisted. “Though ‘edible’ didn’t necessarily mean ‘tasty’; it was enough that it wouldn’t be harmful or poisonous to ingest. I quickly learned to be very careful when I was on dishwashing duties.”

Kieran blinked, finding the thought of Nicholas down on his knees, studiously licking the floor clean even from spilled dishwater both titillating and alarming. And, of course, even more alarming because he found it arousing.

Nicholas’ eyes widened, the omega obviously having read something in Kieran’s expression and scent. He swallowed, and didn’t immediately continue.

“Anything else?”

“There was one time I accidentally broke a chair; it’d been on the verge of breaking for a while, and I’d known it, but I hadn’t told her so she could see about getting it repaired.” Colour rose in his cheeks. “She made me take its place, had me stand on all fours and allow the guests to sit on my back. No talking, no moving, though she gave me a tiny bell to ring in case I needed to use the bathroom, but if I used that out, my time would be extended by one hour.” His flush deepened. “She offered to put a bowl beneath me instead, if I preferred not to extend my time, but I’d have to...” His voice lowered into a mortified whisper. “...drink it. I chose the bell.”

Shock, discomfort, pride. Kieran’s mind was a battlefield of emotions. Part of him was humiliated on Nicholas’ behalf, while another part noted how embarrassed Nicholas was just to admit what had happened and how it’d therefore make an excellent punishment, and yet another was shocked and vaguely nauseated by the thought of drinking one’s own urine. Wait... Something clicked into place. “You were... naked?”

“Yes, Master. Apart from a folded blanket on my back, for the guest’s comfort.” Again, the colour in his cheeks deepened, though Kieran wasn’t entirely sure why; werewolves rarely had issues with being naked, and Nicholas had clearly been ready to strip down in public earlier. “Chairs are padded, not clothed.” That... didn’t clarify the matter as much as Nicholas might have thought it would.

Kieran tried to ignore the image that rose up before his inner eyes. “And did you end up using the bell?” he asked instead.

Nicholas groaned, his eyes fluttering shut for a few moments before he obviously steeled himself and looked up again. “Yes, Master. Though, as it turned out, if I’d held out for another five minutes, my time would have been up. Madame took great pleasure in informing me of that while she led me to the bathroom.”

It was difficult not to smile at that information, and Kieran doubted he succeeded in his attempt. “So another hour, then,” he stated, barely taking note of Nicholas’ affirmative reply as he was too busy contemplating what he’d been told – and more importantly what Nicholas’ body had revealed regarding it. “I think I’ve seen you blush more during these past few minutes,” he began, noting that the blush crept up into Nicholas’ cheeks again at his words, “than during the previous four months. Why?”

Nicholas’ eyes pleaded with him, silently begged him to take back his question. He stared back, communicating an equally silent ‘no’. “I’m not entirely sure, Master,” Nicholas finally said. “Most likely because I wouldn’t have minded it as much if it hadn’t been punishment, because what I’ve told you feels more intimate to _talk_ about than actually going through it, because having to look you in the eyes makes it worse, means I...” He swallowed, but went on, “Means I can’t hide.” A brief pause of hesitation, then, “Because Madame was right; pain is over quickly, and I heal fast enough that it’ll be gone completely within a day or two unless consideration is taken for a werewolf’s faster rate of healing. Humiliation... doesn’t heal the same way. It is there, to some measure, whenever you later face the people who witnessed your punishment, even if you know the punishment is over and that everyone is aware of the circumstances.” His face was red now, and there was tension around his eyes though he kept staring straight at Kieran. His scent was filled with shame and desperation and... the oddest sense of hope.

“You blushed when mentioning you were naked, yet you’ve given no sign that you’re uncomfortable with your nudity now.” He didn’t make it a question, wanting to see if Nicholas would answer him anyway or if he _needed_ it to be a question before he’d do so.

“Yes, Master.” Nicholas bit his lip lightly, then took a deep breath. “It wasn’t because of being naked. It was _why_ I was. Because... Because in the beginning I was certain the guests would take advantage of my nudity, that I’d be fingered or at the very least leered at. That... would have been humiliating in itself, but... Not even being seen as a person, being disregarded the same as a normal chair would have been... That was worse.”

Kieran smiled, guessing at how difficult it must have been to admit that. “Good omega,” he praised, as much for admitting it as for doing so without needing to be prompted, and was rewarded with seeing Nicholas’ pupils flare as his face flushed for a very different reason. He thought about it for a few moments, then said, “You may look down for fifteen seconds to calm yourself.”

Nicholas almost collapsed with relief at that, gratitude washing over him as he instantly bowed his head. “Thank you, Master.”

Kieran didn’t reply, busy counting the seconds, focusing his ears on his alarm clock to help him. Since he’d specified a number, he wanted to be sure he didn’t screw it up. He needn’t have worried. He’d barely hit fifteen when Nicholas raised his head again and with a trembling breath met his gaze. Nicholas’ eyes were shiny with unshed tears, and Kieran frowned worriedly. The omega’s scent didn’t give him anything new to explain the tears.

“Is something wrong?” he asked, leaving off either name or title since he wasn’t sure which would be best in this instance.

Nicholas didn’t hesitate. “No, Master, except for being out of favour.”

“Is that why you’re...?” He hesitated to accuse Nicholas of crying, since he didn’t appear to be quite there yet, and because he wasn’t sure how the other man would take such an accusation.

This time there was a moment’s hesitation. A blink, which spread a tear out along Nicholas’ eyelashes though nothing, as of yet, escaped further than that. “No, Master,” Nicholas said then. “It’s just... I can’t...” He licked his lips. “I’ve been cold for so long, lonely. Then teased with the proximity of warmth and company these past four months, and now...” Oh. Kieran felt slightly awkward with the heat of Nicholas’ stare. “Thank you, Master. For giving me of your time, for making the effort to help me become what you want, for...” He trailed off, eyes widening as horror filled his scent and it seemed all blood drained from his face. “I’m sorry, Master. I’ve said too much. I didn’t mean–”

“Stop.” Nicholas cut himself off at Kieran’s command, only stared at him in continued horror and dismay. The tears that had previously threatened now started to make their way down Nicholas’ cheeks. Kieran sighed, drawing a quickly stifled whimper from his omega. “You didn’t mean what you said?” he asked, unable to help himself, despite knowing it was a cruel question.

“N– Ye–” Nicholas seemed to have problems deciding what the proper answer was, before appearing to settle for, “I did, Master.”

“Then why did you apologize for saying it?”

“It upset you, Master.”

Kieran didn’t bother to deny it had, though he doubted Nicholas understood _why_ it had upset him. Part of him wasn’t even sure _he_ understood it. “I’m not going to punish you for it.”

Nicholas let out a trembling breath. “I understand, Master.” He didn’t seem happy about it.

“The reason why is because I’m more likely than not going to make mistakes and upset you in return these next days, weeks, however long it takes for me to figure you out.”

“You don’t need to explain, Master. I’ll abide by...” Nicholas trailed off, swallowing, as Kieran frowned at him.

“Do I need your permission to explain myself, omega?”

Nicholas twitched, and Kieran suspected he’d have crouched down on the floor if he hadn’t been ordered to meet Kieran’s eyes. “No, Master.”

“Then let it go. I will explain if I think something needs to be explained. If I don’t, you’re still allowed to ask for an explanation. Understood?”

“Yes, Master. I beg forgiveness for my presumption.”

“I’ll consider it, depending on your honesty...” In all fairness, Kieran wasn’t sure anything _needed_ to be forgiven. It’d been a simple mistake, probably based on Nicholas’ treatment at the hands of humans and his old pack. And just because Kieran didn’t like the thought of Nicholas wanting to be moulded into something he wasn’t, just to please Kieran... Well... When he thought about it, helping Nicholas’ self-confidence grow and making him more self-reliant _was_ a form of moulding the omega into something that pleased him. Just because something _could_ be bad didn’t mean it _had_ to be bad.

Realizing Nicholas was waiting almost eagerly for his next words, Kieran pushed those thoughts away for the moment. “Other than being banished from the pack – which I’m not intending to do, remember? – what is the worst punishment you could imagine from me?”

Nicholas eyes were wide, his breath shallow and rapid. Kieran waited as patiently as he could, knowing it had to be a difficult question to answer. Finally, when he’d almost begun thinking he’d need to remind Nicholas of the question, the omega wet his lips. “You not wanting me, Master,” he whispered. Kieran frowned, wondering how that would ever come up as a punishment. Nicholas whimpered slightly, clearly interpreting his frown differently. “At... At Devotion, when I... said the wrong things...” he ventured on, the tension around his eyes indicating his struggles in keeping eye contact. “The... disgust you felt... I don’t ever want that again. Not knowing I was the cause.”

Kieran sighed. “I meant deliberate punishments, not emotional reactions.”

“Yes, Master, I’m sorry. But anything related to that. Being banished from your side, being ignored completely as if you didn’t even see me, not being allowed to talk to you...” He swallowed. “I’d do anything to avoid those things, Master.”

Well, that was something he could attempt to do. He nodded slowly. “Better.” Nicholas let out a sigh of relief. “Give me an example of a lighter type of punishment, suitable for minor infractions.” He needed to know what Nicholas was expecting from him, what he’d have to get used to.

Nicholas squirmed slightly, bit his lip, pleaded silently to not have to answer.

“I’m waiting,” Kieran said simply when a few seconds had passed.

“Please, Master, I don’t... I can’t... You shouldn’t...”

“Omega,” Kieran snapped, making Nicholas whimper and swallow down his words. “I gave you an order. Are you disobeying me already?” His heart thudded in his chest, and for a moment he hated himself for doing this to Nicholas. But it was what Nicholas wanted from him, wasn’t it? Rules, orders, structure... He’d said so, hadn’t he?

“I’m sorry, Master, please forgive me, I didn’t mean to–” He cut himself off, closed his eyes for a second to draw a deep breath, then looked pleadingly into Kieran’s eyes. “I will answer, Master. For a minor infraction...” He bit his lip briefly, regret clear in his eyes. “Such as reluctance to obey a clear order, or displays of disrespect...” Clearly something he expected for this incident, then. “Corporal punishment. Hand, belt, paddle, flogger, tawse, crop, cane... Implement, location and number of strokes determined by the seriousness and type of the infraction in question.” Kieran did his best to hide his unease, but Nicholas must have picked up some of it since he faltered slightly. “I... I’m sorry if the answer displeases you, Master,” he said, clearly wanting to lower his gaze to the floor.

“Why do you consider that a lighter punishment? Is it because you like it? Like Derek did?”

Nicholas gasped and shook his head vigorously, somehow managing not to break eye contact. “No, Master. That was for pleasure. If... If you ever wanted to do that as a reward, it would be very different from when it’s done as punishment. I wouldn’t enjoy it. Couldn’t. Not knowing you were displeased with me.”

Kieran frowned thoughtfully. “Then why?”

“Because the harshness of it is easily adjusted to fit the crime, by varying the implement and number of strokes. Because it’d hurt, but would be over relatively quickly and would heal completely within a short period of time. The pain wouldn’t linger, the same way smaller mistakes like that shouldn’t linger once I was punished and forgiven.”

Damn, that... actually made sense. Looked like Kieran would have to test his ability to deal out that kind of punishment. There was only one problem... Kieran had absolutely no clue which implements were lighter or harsher – or even what some of them looked like – and equally no clue how many ‘strokes’ would be reasonable. Or how hard they were supposed to be. It was frightening, not knowing, but at the same time he remembered his instant surge of lust at imagining Nicholas strapped to that bench, Kieran standing over him with one of those multi-tailed whips in his hand, stripes of red across Nicholas’ buttocks.

Even now, it was starting to make him hard. Nicholas’ nostrils flared, his pupils dilating as he obviously took in the scent of Kieran’s arousal.

“Master?” he whispered.

Ah, screw it. The majority of the implements Nicholas had listed were obviously unavailable, but he still had hand and belt. “I think we’ve talked enough for now,” he said. “It’s time for your punishment.”

Nicholas gasped. “Yes, Master, please.”

“I want you to repeat to me the things you’ve done today that you think require a punishment other than the knowledge you’ve done wrong.” Nicholas had said that knowing he’d made a mistake, that he’d upset Kieran or let him down, was the worst part of screwing up, hadn’t he? Or had Kieran misunderstood things?

“Yes, Master.” Nicholas swallowed. “I failed to answer your question about what the worst James might have on me could be. Even when I knew I hadn’t, I couldn’t make myself continue. I... upset you to the point where you threw up.”

“No. That part I already said wasn’t your fault.” Kieran still remembered that horrible feeling of thinking he’d gone too far, thinking he’d made Nicholas afraid of him. It hadn’t been anything Nicholas had said, so he couldn’t blame Nicholas for that. He couldn’t.

The look in Nicholas’ eyes said he didn’t really agree with Kieran’s assessment, but he didn’t protest. “As you say, Master. I’ve been reluctant to answer your questions, I’ve tried to avoid some, given evasive answers to others.” He hesitated. “Even if it wasn’t today, I’ve allowed others to touch me; I’ve serviced others through the dominance and pain they craved. I...” His eyes filmed over with tears again, regret and guilt and sorrow dominating his scent. “What I did made it possible for James to manipulate you and was part of what forced your hand today, made you banish... someone who’s been as close as a brother to you.”

“I don’t blame you for that,” Kieran said gently, reaching out and gently stroking Nicholas’ cheek, making the omega suck in his breath and lean into the touch.

“I’m...” Nicholas hesitated, seemed to force himself to sit up straight and not follow Kieran’s hand when he withdrew it. “I’m sorry, Master, but I do. I can’t help it.”

Kieran hesitated as well. If Nicholas truly felt guilty over what had happened to the point where he felt he had to speak up, even if they both, he hoped, knew that James would have found an excuse sooner or later, then... He would need to find some sort of punishment, wouldn’t he? One that would be serious enough that Nicholas felt it. But he couldn’t beat the omega for it. He just couldn’t, not when he felt it wasn’t Nicholas’ fault.

“That matter,” he finally said, “is a separate issue.” Casting about for the right words that would convince Nicholas, that would prevent the omega from seeing it was out of compassion that Kieran would exclude it for now, it surprised him when he finally landed on a reasoning. “Like you said, corporal punishment doesn’t last, and the issue is one that will.” Not the blame, but the consequences of what had happened today. Even after the full moon, there would be consequences.

Nicholas seemed to relax, and he nodded briefly without lowering his eyes. “Yes, Master.”

“For now, I will address the other issues.” Refusing to let his inexperience show as weakness, he embraced the alpha within him. “As it is the first time, you will assist me.” Nicholas blinked in surprise, but said nothing. Kieran stood up. “Follow me, eyes down.” If he hadn’t added that last bit, he was sure Nicholas would assume the order to look up was still in effect. He stepped past Nicholas and headed for the small office attached to the suite, though it was more an alcove than an actual room. Behind him, he heard the other man get to his feet and pad after him, the omega’s bare soles whispering against the floor.

His desk was relatively empty, apart from the laptop on it. Kieran moved it to a small cabinet along the wall, then turned to look at Nicholas. “Bend over the desk, omega.”

“Yes, Master,” Nicholas whispered, not looking up as he approached the desk and with a grace that sent half Kieran’s blood down to his crotch bent over the edge, then spread his legs until his torso lay flat against the desktop. Realizing how open the omega was for other things didn’t exactly help him turn his mind back to the business at hand, but with effort he managed to ignore his straining erection.

Slowly he unbuckled his belt, forcing himself to remember he wasn’t doing that to take off his clothes, and slid it out of the belt loops. It was too long to use as was, at least comfortably, so he folded it in half and took a steady grip.

“You know what you’re being punished for, omega,” he said, surprised over how calm his voice sounded. “Repeat it to me again.” He needed to make sure they were still on the same page.

“Yes, Master. I’m to be punished for failing to answer your question regarding your former second-in-command’s potential proof fully, for being unable to continue despite knowing I hadn’t given you the answer I owed you. Also for failing to answer other questions during the day with full honesty, for trying to withhold information from you.”

Kieran frowned. He’d mentioned that before, yes, but Kieran had been too busy addressing more important misunderstandings that he’d let it slip past. “Specify,” he ordered.

Nicholas whimpered. “Yes, Master. You asked what it was I liked about the BDSM scene; I pretended I didn’t understand your question and forced you to repeat it. You asked me about what I used to do with human submissives; I gave an evasive answer and forced you to give me a more specific question, unwilling to face your disgust with me when you realized what I was like, how much I was willing to do. You asked me what I am; I answered truthfully, then tried to hide behind platitudes, terrified that you’d see through me and walk away. You asked me why I dominated humans, and I gave an incomplete answer, then tried to avoid answering, forcing you to chastise me and repeat your question. You asked me my opinion about your former second-in-command and I hedged the answer, unwilling to speak against an alpha even when I’d been ordered to, forcing you to pull the answer from me.”

Sweet night, was he for real? Now that Nicholas brought them up, Kieran could remember the questions asked, but he hadn’t kept track of them at all. Clearly, Nicholas had. “That’s enough. You don’t need to specify any further.” With that kind of memory, they’d probably still be here two hours from now, Nicholas listing questions he thought he hadn’t answered completely.

“Yes, Master.”

“Go on, what else are you being punished for?”

Nicholas hesitated. “I don’t know, Master,” he admitted then, before letting out a soft whine of apology. “I’m not sure if allowing others to touch me and playing the dominant wolf was part of this or the latter issue.”

Frankly, Kieran had figured those had been taken care of already; Nicholas hadn’t been under orders not to until tonight, after all. But then again, Nicholas seemed to need something specific for that part. Of course, he’d already set one rule that wouldn’t be too difficult to put punishment motivation behind it... “It’s a different issue, yes.”

“Yes, Master. Than that’s all, I believe.”

“That’s all.” He glanced out the window at the waxing moon, praying for the strength and patience to do this, to take care of Nicholas the way the omega wanted to be taken care of. He stepped closer.


	11. Chapter 11

_Nicholas_

 

“What I did made it possible for James to manipulate you and was part of what forced your hand today, made you banish... someone who’s been as close as a brother to you.”

Saying the words was harder than many other things, but it had to be said. He wouldn’t lie just to save himself from his rightful punishment; he’d said so earlier that night, and it still held true. He’d also admitted to that fact earlier, but this time he was forced to look into Kieran’s eyes, and that made it infinitely more difficult. The whole situation was wrong, and every word he said without looking down just made it worse.

“I don’t blame you for that,” Kieran said, and oh god he was touching Nicholas. Just lightly, just stroking his cheek, but it was more than he’d had for hours, more than he’d ever hoped for, especially while waiting for his punishment. He couldn’t help his sharply drawn-in breath, couldn’t help leaning into the touch, silently begging for it to continue. But of course it couldn’t continue, and it was so difficult to remain where he was even as Kieran pulled his hand back.

“I’m...” He hated having to say it, hated having to speak up, but Kieran had told him. He’d _told_ Nicholas to speak up if he didn’t agree with the alpha’s decision regarding punishment. “I’m sorry, Master, but I do. I can’t help it.” If it hadn’t been for him, James wouldn’t have pushed Kieran like that, wouldn’t have set him up to effectively split the pack apart. Part of him still couldn’t believe that Kieran had chosen to keep _him_ instead of James, though he assumed it was simply because James had manipulated and lied to Kieran. Had it been a simple ‘pick A or B’ choice, he was certain the result would have been different.

Kieran didn’t speak for a few moments, and the guilt inside Nicholas grew and grew. By the time Kieran _did_ speak, Nicholas was ready to beg Kieran to forgive him, to forget what he’d said, claim that he hadn’t meant it, that he wouldn’t try to force Kieran to do anything anymore. Only Kieran’s eyes staring into his kept him silent.

“That matter is a separate issue,” Kieran said, and Nicholas stifled a shiver. For a few heartbeats, Nicholas thought that was it, that he wouldn’t get any further explanation, and prepared himself to be fine with that. But then Kieran continued, “Like you said, corporal punishment doesn’t last, and the issue is one that will.”

Yes. Nicholas almost slumped in gratitude, but remembered not to lower his eyes. “Yes, Master,” he responded. He was safe. Kieran would find a fitting punishment for that transgression, and... well, he rather hoped it’d be one he hated just as much as he hated having done that to Kieran. But whatever it was, whatever it would be, he wouldn’t press Kieran further on it.

“For now, I will address the other issues.” Kieran seemed to grow before him, until he took up every last iota of Nicholas’ attention, filling him with the need to abase himself before his alpha, to submit to every last desire his master might express. “As it’s the first time, you will assist me.” Nicholas blinked. Assist? What would Kieran need the assistance of an omega for? But he didn’t protest. If that was what Kieran wanted, that was what Kieran would get.

Kieran stood up, and Nicholas was forced to tilt his head back to maintain eye contact. “Follow me,” the alpha ordered. “Eyes down.”

Wanting to whimper out his thanks, Nicholas immediately lowered his gaze to the floor. His master stepped past him and he pushed himself to his feet, staggering as he realized his feet had fallen asleep. He gritted his teeth and followed Kieran, embracing the numbness in his feet that made it feel like he was walking on a soft, squishy cloud. It made it tricky to walk, but his master had said to follow, so he’d follow. If he couldn’t walk any more, he’d crawl.

Kieran led him into the adjoining office nook and moved his laptop off the desk in there. When he turned to Nicholas, the omega was acutely aware of those grey eyes on him and was barely able to breathe as he waited for Kieran’s command.

“Bend over the desk, omega.”

“Yes, Master,” he acknowledged in a soft whisper, trying not to get his hopes up. Kieran’s desk was slightly lower than comfortable, and he was forced to spread his legs in order to lie flat on its surface, doing his best not to think about how that opened him up to anything else Kieran might want to do to him. He could hear Kieran unbuckling his belt behind him, but it wasn’t until he heard the leather slip from its loops that he realized the alpha wasn’t undressing. His glutes tensed up automatically, and he had to force himself to relax.

“You know what you’re being punished for, omega,” Kieran said calmly. It wasn’t a question; it was a statement, and Nicholas hoped he could live up to it. “Repeat it to me again.”

He’d screw up and miss something, but there was no way he could ignore that order. “Yes, Master. I’m to be punished for failing to answer your question regarding your former second-in-command’s potential proof fully, for being unable to continue despite knowing I hadn’t given you the answer I owed you. Also for failing to answer other questions during the day with full honesty, for trying to withhold information from you.” He paused for breath, trying to remember.

“Specify,” came from behind him, and he closed his eyes and tried to bite back a whimper. Part of him didn’t want Kieran to know just how badly he’d messed up, but the larger part knew that not only would it be wrong to lie just to save his own skin, it would also defeat the whole purpose of being punished and be able to erase the mistakes from his conscience. So he forced himself to go back to the start of the evening, listing all those mistakes that had burned themselves into his mind. The words tasted like ash, but they had to be said. “That’s enough,” Kieran stopped him when he wasn’t even halfway through his list. He was worried that this meant the rest would be left for a later punishment, but there was nothing to it. He stopped. “You don’t need to specify any further.”

“Yes, Master,” he acknowledged, still not sure if that meant they would all be forgiven or if just the ones he’d had time to list would be.

“Go on, what else are you being punished for?”

Nicholas hesitated, tried to remember. But finally he had to admit defeat. “I don’t know, Master.” He whined softly, a wordless apology for his failure to remember. “I’m not sure if allowing others to touch me and playing the dominant wolf was part of this or the latter issue.”

“It’s a different issue, yes.” Kieran said.

A different issue? A third one? But there was no time to think about that right now. “Yes, Master,” he responded. “Then that’s all, I believe.” He hoped he was correct, that he hadn’t missed anything.

“That’s all,” Kieran agreed to Nicholas relief.

He forced his muscles to relax as he heard Kieran approach. When Kieran touched him, however, lightly placed his hand on Nicholas’ lower back, it took him by complete surprise. Kieran didn’t apologize for making him jump, nor berate him for not staying still, only stroked his back lightly.

“Like I said before, omega, you’re going to assist me. We both know I lack experience.” There was no hesitance in Kieran’s voice, no nervosity, and Nicholas smiled. His master wasn’t making excuses, he was simply stating the facts as they were, and there was no shame in that. “You know exactly what you’re being punished for. You know best how intense this needs to be for you.” Part of Nicholas wanted to argue, wanted to tell Kieran that it wasn’t about _Nicholas’_ needs, but he held his tongue. “I don’t want the punishment to be too light, or neither of us will feel satisfied with it, but I don’t want to make it too harsh either.” Well, Nicholas guessed he could see the reason in that. “I’m going to give you a taste first, and then I want your completely honest assessment in how many of that strength would be the minimum required. Do you understand?”

“Yes, Master,” Nicholas whispered. He gripped the edge of the desk firmly and took a deep breath, preparing himself. Despite his trepidation, his heart felt lighter than it had for... more than half a year.

Kieran’s hand left his back, and Nicholas could hear him adjust his stance. The belt hissed through the air. The crack of leather against skin seemed to echo between the walls and fire burned across his arse, drawing a brief whimper from him as his body tensed up, his hips trying to escape forward but being stopped by the desk. It hurt more than he remembered, yet somehow still less than he remembered.

“How many?” Kieran asked.

He bit back the instinctive ‘as many as you like’ that wanted to escape him, and considered it. Focused on the sensation, multiplied it in his mind, tried to imagine how it’d feel after five swats, after ten... “Between fifteen and twenty, Master, depending on how they land,” he finally answered. He could take a lot more, of course, but any less than that and it just wouldn’t feel proper. He wouldn’t have given a human many more than that, of course, but... humans just couldn’t take it the same way, and unlike Nicholas they’d have to stand the bruises from it for much longer. With a human, he’d also have started out more gently, built it up slowly to draw the punishment out and truly make them feel it. He didn’t expect Kieran to do that, didn’t want to suggest it. Kieran didn’t _want_ to punish him, despite that surge of arousal Nicholas had scented from him. Besides, the lack of warm-up would make the bruising worse, maybe even make them last more than just a day, maybe even so long as three days.

“How they land?” Kieran asked, drawing him back to the issue at hand.

“If you choose to focus on a small or large area, Master,” he responded as promptly as he could. “The more you hit in one place, the more I’ll feel it. The thighs are also more sensitive.”

“Ah.”

The belt hummed again, and Nicholas quickly breathed out. He wasn’t fast enough, and the last of his breath transformed into a strangled cry as the second swat hit a lot harder than the first one and the pain took him by surprise.

“How many of those?” Kieran asked, and Nicholas struggled to gather his wits again, whimpering softly in apology.

“Ten, Master?” he finally said hesitantly, hoping he was right.

“Are you telling me or asking me, omega?”

Oh night, he was screwing up again, and his punishment hadn’t even ended yet. “Ten, Master,” he repeated, forcing himself to sound more sure. He still wasn’t completely certain of his assessment, but he’d rather err on the side of heavy than light punishment. It wasn’t that he couldn’t take ten of those, it was just... Ah, screw it. Less than ten sounded like a really paltry punishment for what he’d done today, no matter the implement. Even with a tawse or cane.

As Kieran raised the belt again, Nicholas tried to prepare himself for anything. Part of him knew Kieran was testing him, both in the matter of his honesty and of his pain tolerance. The process in itself was nothing he was unfamiliar with, even if previous tops – and his superiors in his old pack – had been experienced enough to judge his reactions more accurately, and certainly experienced enough to know more firmly what response they wanted from him. This... This was new and fresh and the knowledge that he was the first one to suffer under Kieran’s arm like this... It both terrified him and made him immeasurably proud. He wasn’t scared of Kieran’s inexperience, just of the thought that Kieran didn’t want this, that he was pushing himself out of his comfort zone because of Nicholas. But... While he was allowed again to protest against Kieran doing something he didn’t like, and probably would do that at some point should the topic come up, it wasn’t _really_ his place to tell Kieran not to do something. It wasn’t reasonable, how someone could both want and not want something at the same time, but when he thought about it more, wasn’t it comparable to how Nicholas both wanted and didn’t want to be punished? In the end, if Kieran really _wanted_ to do something he wasn’t comfortable doing... Nicholas could protest, but ultimately it would be Kieran’s choice.

The belt struck again, by the sound of it probably with the same strength as the last lash but this time it landed lower, one of the edges hitting him right along the line of more sensitive skin between buttocks and thighs. Grateful that his lungs had been empty at the time and his only sound had been a near-silent grunt, Nicholas clutched at the desk and tried to remember how to breathe again.

“Still ten?”

He managed to draw in enough air to whimper, knowing he needed to answer the question. The breath brought him Kieran’s scent, filled with a mix of emotions. Guilt, pride, satisfaction. He knew he didn’t deserve Kieran waiting for him like this, and he was immensely grateful that his alpha did. “M-maybe not right there, Master,” he finally managed.

Kieran stepped closer, and then he hissed as a finger trailed that line of fire below his arse, stoking the flames. “Yes, I can see that,” Kieran commented, his tone slightly rougher, lower pitched, than usual.

“It’s not that I can’t take it, Master,” Nicholas hurried to explain, desperately wanting to make his master proud of him. “It’s just... It wouldn’t be the minimum.”

“Good.” He wasn’t sure what, exactly, was good. Was it that he could take it? Was it that he’d been honest? Was it something else entirely? Nicholas didn’t know, but he hoped it was something he’d done, wished he’d done _something_ that Kieran deemed ‘good’.

Taking a deep breath and letting it go, he relaxed his grip on the desk enough to allow colour back into his knuckles and raised his hips just slightly, pushing his arse out against Kieran’s hand, trying to signal that he was ready. After a moment, Kieran’s hand withdrew from his skin, and Nicholas did his best to prepare himself again.

Again, the belt cracked against his skin, again pain blazed across his buttocks, again it took him a few moments to collect himself. This time, Kieran didn’t ask him anything, only waited in silence for Nicholas to gather his wits and start to relax before raising the belt once more. The next hit made him choke on a groan, his skin growing too sensitive for silence. The next drew out a full moan that trailed off into a hoarse whimper. Was that four? Five? Nicholas had lost count and a small part of him regretted not knowing how much more he’d have to take. Mostly, however, he didn’t really care. He’d take as much as he had to, until Kieran was satisfied, until his master could forgive him and they could put all of that behind. Mostly, he was simply grateful that Kieran was finally taking charge of him, exercising the control Nicholas had been willing to relinquish to him since the moment they’d met. Grateful that Kieran was allowing him the chance to atone, to make up for all the things he’d done wrong.

The next crack landed before he had time to recover, before the flare of pain had time to settle down, making him throw his head back and cry out. No, not all the things, he corrected himself. For now, it was just his reluctance to give himself fully, his recalcitrance to answer the questions he’d been given, to reveal all of what he was.

The belt landed on him again and again, until he was sure they had to have passed ten a long time ago, and each crack that echoed through the room painted a broad stroke of fire and pain across his skin. Until each new line yanked another sobbing cry from him, made his body shudder. And each time he steadied himself and made himself present his arse for another lick from Kieran’s belt.

And then he heard the clank-and-rustle as the belt dropped to the floor, sobbed again – this time with relief that it seemed to be over – as Kieran’s hand stroked his back gently.

“Shh, Nicholas,” Kieran said, and his name across his alpha’s lips was like music to his ears. “You did well.”

Nicholas wanted to thank him, wanted to tell his master how much he appreciated it, that even though he hated being punished he’d wanted it, _needed_ it. Needed Kieran to forgive him, needed to be reminded he no longer belonged to himself. Needed to be able to trust that every time he screwed up, Kieran would be there and pull him back, hold him down, correct him. He didn’t say anything. Couldn’t. It wasn’t because he thought Kieran had told him to be quiet. He never could talk, the first minute or so after a thorough spanking, as if his ability to speak turned itself off while he recovered from the sensations, from the pain and the crying and the heady submission. He didn’t always reach subspace, but didn’t really have to, either. He’d always likened subspace to orgasms. It felt fantastic, but it wasn’t necessary to have a good time. As long as his top was satisfied, Nicholas was satisfied as well.

Then Kieran’s hands were on his arse, the heat of contact stoking the flames burning underneath his skin, but this time there wasn’t the agony of punishment hovering behind it. No, he’d been exonerated and now it was only about submitting, about giving Kieran everything. Whatever he wanted to do, Nicholas would submit to, and he would love his master for it. For the first time since they’d left the club, he felt a thrill of pleasure saunter down his spine and coalesce in the pit of his belly. This was _right_.

“Please, Master,” he whispered, finally finding his words. “I’m yours.” He wanted to beg Kieran to please mark him, claim him, do anything, but he didn’t want to ruin anything, didn’t want to push Kieran away by being too forward. But despite his reluctance to indicate his need he found himself spreading his legs just a tiny bit further, lifting his heels a little and pushing his arse back up against Kieran’s hand... Only to whimper in distress when that hand stopped touching him.

“Whatever it is you want me to do...” Kieran said, though his humour insinuated that he at least suspected exactly what Nicholas wanted. “It’s not going to happen.” Nicholas slumped down against the desk again, doing his best to hide how horrible he felt over the rejection. “Stand up and follow me.”

Even as Nicholas pushed himself off the desk – wincing as his arse and thighs protested against the change in muscle tension – Kieran was picking his belt up and threading it through the loops while returning to the small sitting area in the bedroom. Nicholas trailed after him, dropping to his knees in front of the armchair Kieran once more occupied. It hurt to sit down on his heels but he did it anyway, embracing the pain as a reminder not to disappoint Kieran again.

“Like I said before, Nicholas, there are some more things to take care of.”

Nicholas sighed as he kept his eyes on the floor by his master’s feet, remembering all too well the things not addressed by Kieran’s belt, but at least he was still being addressed as Nicholas, so he knew Kieran wasn’t as angry with him anymore, even if he’d gone back to controlling himself so tightly that his emotions didn’t reflect in his scent. “Yes, Master,” he acknowledged, sensing an answer was required.

“You feel responsible in part for what James did, and I agree that you offered him a convenient excuse.”

Nicholas shuddered, feeling yet again the pain of hearing his failure spoken of out loud. “Yes, Master,” he managed.

“And while I didn’t know at the time that you were mine, you did give your slightly improbable submission to outsiders, allowed humans to give you pleasure and providing them with pleasure in return.”

Nicholas hung his head even further. “Yes, Master,” he whispered.

“The last one won’t happen again, and you’ve probably already guessed that the ban on entering that kind of club except in my company is intended as the punishment for that.” Nicholas closed his eyes briefly in relief and nodded. Knowing there was a reason for the restriction made it a lot easier to understand and accept. While he’d assumed, suspected, that it was part of his punishment when it was said, knowing it for sure made a difference. “Seeing as you’ve been doing it for just over two and a half months, the ban will last an equally long time; eleven weeks, counting from Monday next week. Once that time is over, we will discuss it and I will judge whether it should be lifted or not.”

Nicholas nodded again; the terms were perfectly reasonable, but even if they hadn’t been, he’d have submitted to Kieran’s will on the matter. “Yes, Master. Thank you for spending the effort to correct me, for understanding.” He swallowed, but went on, determined not to hide behind an incomplete answer. “For knowing to pick something that severe for an equally severe infraction. I thought... I mean, before, when you announced it to the pack, at first I thought it was because you didn’t trust me, even when I’d promised never to do it again, even when you’d ordered me to trust you not to doubt me.” And he’d just admitted to breaking a rule. Well, better to admit it than to hide it. “I’m sorry, Master, I couldn’t help it.” Kieran grunted noncommittally and motioned for him to go on where he could see it in the corner of his eye. “But then... I realized it didn’t matter, that it clearly was part of whatever punishment you’d selected for me and that... that compared to your approval, compared to being allowed to remain in your pack, to remain yours...” He swallowed down the lump in his throat threatening to steal his voice. Even just mentioning the possibility of not being Kieran’s sent a stab of agony through his heart. “Compared to that, being denied the clubs is nothing. Yes, I’ll miss the community, miss the friends I’ve made at Devotion, but without you, I’d...” He trailed off, recalling just in time he wasn’t allowed to die. “Be nothing,” he finished instead, quietly.

Kieran was quiet for a long time, and Nicholas tried not to worry. “Thank you for being honest,” he said then. “And keep in mind that you _are_ allowed to go there in my company; while it won’t happen often, you may consider it on the list of potential rewards for good behaviour.”

Nicholas didn’t deserve Kieran. “Thank you, Master,” he whispered, though the words were so inadequate for what he felt. He promised himself once again that he’d be the best omega possible; not because he wanted rewards but simply because Kieran deserved the best.

“However, that leaves us with one issue left to address. Your guilt for what happened today.” Nicholas nodded, but said nothing. What was there to say? “The matter between me and him will be settled one way or the other next Wednesday night. Until then, until I have defeated the challenger, I will not claim or mark you.”

Nicholas froze, even as a whimper tore itself from his throat, followed by a desperate, “Please, Master, I can’t... I need...”

“No. You will be quiet and listen to me. I’m not done.”

The words felt as harsh as a blow to the face. Harsher. Feeling suddenly ill, Nicholas hunched down before Kieran, bowing his head to the floor. He wanted to apologize for his outburst, and he wanted to beg for a reprieve, for any other punishment. He _needed_ Kieran, _needed_ to have his master’s scent, _needed_... But Kieran was talking again, and Nicholas had to listen.

“Until then, you will not leave this house, unless remaining inside would mean disobeying any of my rules. I will not touch you more than strictly necessary, and you will wash off my scent as soon as conveniently possible.” Nicholas bit back another whimper at that, at realizing he wouldn’t even be allowed to hold onto the left-over scent from casual touching. “Furthermore...” Uh-oh, that tone didn’t sound promising at all. “During this time, you are _not_ to address me as ‘Master’. You will address me as ‘pack leader’ or ‘Kieran’, depending on the circumstances, just like any other member of my pack. All this starts now.”

No. No, Kieran _couldn’t_ mean it. He just couldn’t. “No, please, Mast–”

“Nicholas!” Kieran snapped, and the words died in his throat. “Don’t force me to forbid you to kneel.”

There was a buzzing noise in Nicholas’ ears, making everything else sound distant. He felt numb, felt as if the world wasn’t quite real. “I’m sorry,” he mumbled, the lack of the honorific almost physically painful. Realistically, it would just be as if today hadn’t happened – apart from the lack of emotional release at Devotion – but... in a way that made it worse. Giving him just a hint of what could be, only to turn away and close the door, leaving him alone in the cold. He’d wanted a punishment he’d hate, but this was too much. And then it was as if the apology had opened up the flood gates. “I’m sorry, please don’t do this, I can’t... It’s too much. Please, at least let me...”

“No.” Kieran’s tone was implacable, discouraging further arguments, not that Nicholas had seemed able to complete even one sentence. “I’m sorry, Nicholas,” he said then, a lot more gentle. “Look at me.” Nicholas whimpered but forced himself to lift his head off the floor far enough that he could raise his eyes to Kieran’s face. “I know these six days will be hard. They’re supposed to be. But I don’t want to be cruel. If you’re completely honest with yourself and me, is this too harsh a punishment? Don’t answer right away; think about it for a while.”

Nicholas sucked in a breath, wanting to immediately shout out that yes, yes it was too harsh. But Kieran had told him to think about it and to be completely and utterly honest. Yes, it was horrible and devastating. He wasn’t entirely sure if he’d survive it, figuratively speaking. But... He sobbed helplessly when he realized that what he’d done had been equally horrible and devastating. He’d forced Kieran to push away his closest friend, the man who’d been like a brother to him for years. Next Wednesday, Kieran would have to fight for his life, most likely, against that same ‘brother’. And when you put that up against the punishment Kieran had declared...

“No,” he admitted quietly. It wasn’t too much. “I deserve it. For what I did to you, I deserve this.” After another sobbing breath, he forced himself to go on. “This, and more.” It would be torture, but after it was done, after Kieran had defeated James, he’d... Panic gripped him, and he threw himself at Kieran, clutching at his leg. “I’m sorry, I’ll shower again, just... Please, M– Kieran, please promise me one thing.”

“What do you want me to promise?”

Kieran didn’t push him away, didn’t order him to let go, didn’t again threaten to withhold permission to kneel, but despite being grateful over all that it didn't even manage to dent his panic. “Promise you’ll defeat him. Don’t let him win. Try not to hold back, because I’m pretty sure he won’t, and I don’t... I can’t handle the thought of you... not being here.” He couldn’t even bring himself to spell it out.


	12. Chapter 12

_Kieran_

 

Kieran stared at Nicholas clinging to his leg, begging him... well, basically not to die. The pain and fear that had been suffusing his scent ever since Kieran had told him about his decision regarding the next week had now spiked into what he could only describe as terror and agony. He wanted to reach down and pull Nicholas into a hug, to hold him tightly and never let go. He couldn’t. This week wouldn’t only be tough for Nicholas; it seemed strange that he’d be so used to Nicholas being his after just a couple of hours, like he’d never ever heard Nicholas call him anything other than ‘master’ before, but that’s how he felt. When he’d seen Nicholas’ reaction, he’d been so tempted to change his mind and disregard the whole thing, worried he’d gone too far, that he’d overdone it in his attempt to not be too lenient. But it seemed he’d managed to pull it off, after all.

“I’m not intending to lose, Nicholas,” he said gently. He wouldn’t promise, not when he couldn’t be absolutely certain. “And if you’ve behaved well during this week, if you’ve taken your punishment without complaint and without mistakes, you’ll be sleeping the night off in my bed.” To be honest, it was all he could do not to wrap Nicholas up right now and tuck him into bed, to go to sleep curled up around his omega. But that pleasure would be all the sweeter for waiting, and they would both be certain it was something they wanted and not just something they _thought_ they wanted because of hormones and pheromones and all those things.

A vague sense of hope blunted the edge of Nicholas’ fear. “Thank you,” he whispered, and pressed his lips briefly against Kieran’s knee in a light kiss, before stiffly returning to his previous position. Hopefully the promise of Kieran’s bed had made him overlook the fact that no promise had been made regarding winning or even surviving the fight. Like he’d said, he had no intention to lose, but he hadn’t fought James for many years.

Perhaps this had been coming for a long time. James had never challenged his right to become pack leader when his adoptive father had died, had said he wouldn’t fight his almost-brother. Had he been honest, back then, or had it been some last remnant of loyalty to Liam that had made him rescind the challenge? Had that lack of firm confirmation which of them was stronger led to some underlying resentment? Had James been wondering, all these years, if he would have won? Would he, like Nicholas suspected, be intent on killing Kieran? Or would he, should it turn out that James was the stronger wolf, be content with surrender?

For that matter, would _Kieran_ be content with just surrender? He wanted to say yes, but he also knew that his nostalgia about James would be worth a lot less under the light of the full moon. His instincts would be in control then, to a far greater degree, and it might just be that his wolf wouldn’t be able to look past the betrayal, wouldn’t be satisfied with just holding his teeth against James’ throat but would feel forced to bite down.

Nicholas was still kneeling at his feet, his head raised but his eyes shaded behind the lashes. Clearly only meeting the bare minimum of the ‘look at me’ instruction. Kieran wasn’t sure if he was simply waiting patiently in case Kieran wanted to say or do something more, or if it was a matter of being reluctant to leave, of worrying that this was the last time for a week he’d be allowed to be alone with Kieran.

And he realized he didn’t quite want Nicholas to leave either. He knew all this was what Nicholas on some level needed, despite knowing the omega wasn’t exactly happy about being punished, but... it left him with a very strong sense of dissatisfaction. The sense that somehow he’d screwed something up, had missed something vital.

Then he remembered how in the club Nicholas had pulled the human up onto his lap, held him, comforted him, made sure he drank some more water, assured himself that the human was okay.

Kieran hadn’t. And what had happened between Nicholas and the human, while Derek had ended up with a sore arse just the same, had been... Well, it’d been about feeling good. This had been punishment. It had clearly been painful and exhausting, and aside from those brief touches while Nicholas was still bent over the desk, Kieran had done nothing to ensure himself that Nicholas was okay. Had done nothing to assure Nicholas that he’d been forgiven. Fuck. Instead he’d immediately reminded Nicholas that it wasn’t over. Even if they’d both known it would be coming, it had to have messed with Nicholas’ head more than necessary.

He wanted to ask Nicholas why he hadn’t said anything, complain that he’d said he lacked experience and needed Nicholas’ assistance, that Nicholas had promised to speak up if there was anything unfair about a punishment. But if he did, especially in the state of mind Nicholas had to be in now, he’d probably just take it as another failure. That wouldn’t work. That wouldn’t work at all.

He needed to reward Nicholas, somehow, to make sure that Nicholas knew he was forgiven, that he was happy with... with how well Nicholas had taken his punishment, he supposed. The question was just how. He hadn’t asked, earlier, what Nicholas _wanted_ , only what he didn’t want. That had also been a mistake. He made a mental note to bring it up once this part was over. Make a fresh start, in a way, and focus Nicholas’ mind on the good things rather than the bad. Focus both their minds on that.

What did Nicholas like? Being Kieran’s, apparently, if the worst thing that could happen to him was Kieran not wanting him. He equally clearly, judging by his ‘hints’ back in the office, wanted Kieran to use him sexually.

It wasn’t that Kieran was straight. There was a reason he hadn’t taken a mate before now, planning on doing what his father had done and adopt another werewolf child who’d already started manifesting alpha tendencies. But he wasn’t the kind of person either who could take advantage of an admittedly very tempting offer. Not when he’d have to send Nicholas away, emotionally speaking, and more or less ignore him for a week.

What else? He obviously wanted – needed, even – to call Kieran ‘master’, judging by how distressed he’d been when Kieran had forbidden it, even compared to the rest of it. He clearly wanted Kieran’s scent on his body – he felt a little guilty, remembering how he’d ordered Nicholas to go shower, but all that had been in his mind then had been that he wanted to get rid of every last trace of the human.

“How’s your behind?” he asked, all too aware that he hadn’t really made sure Nicholas was okay, and that the omega had been kneeling for a good ten minutes now. His heels pressing into his arse had to be painful, yet he hadn’t even said anything.

“Sore, Ma–” Nicholas cut himself off with a whimper. “Kieran,” he corrected then.

“Stand up, turn around. I want to see.” He needed to make sure he hadn’t gone too far, even there. He’d deliberately gone past the ten Nicholas had indicated to be the minimum in order to feel forgiven, pushed himself past the heartache of reducing the omega to sobbing and weeping. Each cry had made him feel more and more horrible for doing that to Nicholas, for hurting him so much for something so trivial, for not being as repulsed by the action as he should be. But he’d made himself go on, knowing that the mistakes hadn’t been as trivial for Nicholas as they had been in Kieran’s mind, pretending it was only for Nicholas’ sake he did it, that he didn’t enjoy the omega’s whimpers and cries. Finally, when he’d started to draw closer to twenty, he just couldn’t do it anymore. He’d raised the belt but found himself unable to complete the swing, nauseated by what he was doing and by the fact that a part of him... liked it.

Nicholas pushed himself to his feet, his jaw tense as if he was biting back any audible reaction to the pain, and Kieran felt even worse. He was glad he was an alpha, glad his father had trained him to control himself and his emotional responses. He didn’t need to distress Nicholas even further by showing just how unsure he was of himself, how ill at ease he was with this kind of... relationship.

Then Nicholas turned around, and Kieran had to exercise every last ounce of that control in order not to gasp when he saw the previously red skin already starting to bruise and turn purple in a few places. Fuck. He’d done that. He’d _hurt_ Nicholas, and it hadn’t been like what Nicholas had done at the club. There’d been no pleasure involved in this, none at all. Not until he’d been done and Kieran had... well, offered himself up. He’d been right not to take him up on that. Not only because of the irresponsibility of doing so just before a week of estrangement, but also because... Well, sex wasn’t supposed to hurt, and there was no way he’d have been able to press himself against Nicholas’ arse without hurting him.

Before he knew what he was doing, he reached out toward Nicholas, though he managed to keep himself from touching. But even just hovering half an inch over the skin, he could feel the heat rising from it. This, if anything, made it clear that he needed to reward Nicholas in _some_ way, to make up for what he’d done. Even if Nicholas had needed the punishment, there was no way that this had in any way been motivated.

“I’m sorry.” The words hung in the air between them, and it was only when Nicholas stiffened that he knew they hadn’t come from the omega.

“May... may I ask what for?” Nicholas ventured hesitantly.

“I shouldn’t have done this.” He could smell Nicholas’ panic, and hurried to clarify, “I shouldn’t have... beaten you. Not this hard. I _hurt_ you. I can’t do that again.” No matter how much his instincts told him he’d marked his omega and how that was a good thing.

“Please don’t,” Nicholas begged, and for a moment he thought it was in agreement with what he’d said. Then, when his omega continued, he realized it was the opposite. “Please don’t say that... Kieran. I’m _proud_ of the marks.” Proud? How the fuck could anyone be proud of that? “Yes, it hurt. It still does. That’s the whole _point_ of a punishment like this. To... To take the mental anguish of having failed, and transform it into physical pain, and as the physical pain fades and heals, the guilt does as well.”

“Oh.”

“I’m sorry I never thought to explain it to you earlier, Kieran. I’ve never had to before, but I should have. Please don’t feel bad about it. To me, they’re proof that you’ve forgiven me, and that’s worth more than anything else. I know you gave me more than ten, but... that’s not a bad thing.”

Kieran didn’t understand how Nicholas could think that, but... it did make him feel a bit better. Then he almost cursed. Nicholas wasn’t supposed to make him feel better. _Kieran_ was supposed to make _Nicholas_ feel better. “Thank you. I know I don’t... understand this whole deal as much as I should. I know I _should_ feel bad about it. But...” He hesitated, somehow unable to say that the main reason he was feeling bad about it was because he _wasn’t_ feeling bad about it. Not as much as he should. He’d taken a belt to Nicholas’ arse, and part of him couldn’t help but feel... satisfied. He still remembered his sense of accomplishment at seeing those red stripes across Nicholas buttocks, how part of him had been eager to add to them, see how far he could push it. Could still remember his belly clenching with nausea when he realized what he was thinking about. “But that wasn’t what I wanted to talk about,” he said instead, turning his thoughts away from that particular topic. “I’m proud of you, and I do forgive you. Yes, you withheld information from me, but you’ve been hiding from me for four months, haven’t you? Changing from that... it’s not going to be easy.” Where was he going with this? Did any of it even make sense to Nicholas?

Some of the tension melted away from the body standing in front of him as Nicholas let out a soft sigh. “Thank you, Kieran.” There was little to no hesitation now before tacking the name on, and Kieran rather missed it. Missed those near-misses that told him that Nicholas was still struggling. This was going to be a difficult week for both of them.

“It’s not going to be easy, but I won’t go away just because you stumble. I’m not going to change my mind. You’re mine, and nothing will change that.” He did touch Nicholas now, wrapping his fingers around the side of his waist, trying to ignore the soft moan from the other wolf and the muscles trembling under his grip. It did scare him, how quickly he’d grown this possessive. Something this week would also help with, hopefully. Give him some distance, give him time to get used to this whole idea. Because as scared as he was, he knew he wasn’t about to give up and back off.

“I’m yours,” Nicholas agreed softly.

“Before you go, there’s one more thing that needs to be taken care of.” He could feel the minute stiffening of Nicholas’ body, could smell the vague apprehension at the edges of his scent. “I haven’t yet thanked you for what you’ve done for me tonight.”

“Mas– Kieran, there’s no need to thank me.”

He squeezed Nicholas’ waist, but otherwise intended to ignore the protest. “You showed my pack your willingness to submit to me. You obeyed every command I gave you, even the ones you didn’t want to. You volunteered to obey me to a deeper level than I thought possible when I needed someone to fetch Peter and Mathias.” The heat was rising off of Nicholas’ skin by now, the omega all but squirming with embarrassment. “You showed excellent judgement in anticipating Aidan’s request to go with Mathias.” He raised himself up on his toes before leaning in and placing a light kiss to Nicholas shoulder before continuing in a soft whisper, staying close to Nicholas’ ear, “You told me things that had to be difficult to talk about, and you were very helpful in determining how hard I could hit.” He wasn’t entirely sure he’d made the right choice there, but... if Nicholas was proud of the marks, maybe it was alright for him to feel just a little bit proud of them, too?

Nicholas didn’t say anything, didn’t move, but his pulse was racing and his apprehension had been overshadowed by pleasure and contentment.

“As a reward...” he began, smiling when that word made Nicholas heartbeat speed up even more as the omega drew in his breath in a gasp. “I’m going to postpone the start of your punishment until tomorrow morning.”

Nicholas whimpered sweetly, and it shouldn’t make a shiver run down Kieran’s spine, shouldn’t make him grin at the thought that _he’d_ caused that reaction. “Thank you... Kieran.”

“Master,” he murmured, trying not to give any sign that he’d been missing the title even for just these few minutes. “Just for tonight, ‘master’ is fine.”

A shudder of intense relief ran through Nicholas’ body at those words, his arousal spiking so far that Kieran was almost worried he’d end up with a mess on his floor. “Master!” the omega moaned. “Thank you, Master.”

Before he could succumb to temptation and have Nicholas do something about the growing erection in Kieran’s trousers, he stepped back and sat down again. “You’re welcome, Nicholas. And on that note, I think it’s time to send you to your room.”

Well, that seemed to take the edge off of Nicholas pleasure as he realized he wouldn’t be allowed to stay. Kieran wasn’t sure if Nicholas had hoped to be allowed to sleep in Kieran’s bed tonight, due to the postponement, but... He couldn’t allow that and manage to keep his hands to himself. Nicholas would allow him, he knew that, would even welcome his advances. It didn’t matter. He wouldn’t take advantage of that, not until they’d dealt with everything, until they’d be able to put the past behind them.

“Yes, Master,” Nicholas choked out in a low whisper.

“And yes, with the punishment starting tomorrow, it does mean you can keep my scent on you until then.”

Nicholas breath caught. “Yes, Master,” he said then, sounding slightly happier about it. “May... May I ask... I’m sorry, Master, I just don’t want to presume...”

“Ask.” Kieran had to admit he was curious about what Nicholas wanted, what had him so flustered he had trouble finishing his sentences. Then he grinned. “You may ask me on your knees, if you want to.” He didn’t want to order Nicholas to his knees, even if he liked seeing it more than he should, not with how painful it had to be at the moment, but on the other hand he didn’t want the omega to think he was required to still stand with his back toward Kieran.

He almost laughed as Nicholas immediately spun around and dropped to his knees, catching himself with his hands to prevent himself from hitting the floor too hard. “Yes, Master, thank you. I just...” Nicholas took a deep breath, placing his hands on his thighs, his arms and legs framing his erection. “What are your rules regarding... touching myself?”

Kieran blinked, then felt his cheeks heat up when he realized just what Nicholas was asking. People had really controlled that sort of thing for him before? Wouldn’t it be unfair of him to ask Nicholas not to masturbate, _especially_ when he wasn’t going to be making any advances the next week? Was Nicholas asking for permission to do so, in some roundabout way? Or did he _want_ Kieran to forbid it? Which answer was Nicholas hoping he’d give? “Why do you ask?” he finally asked, partly stalling for time.

If Nicholas felt uncomfortable with talking about it, he gave no sign of it, and while his scent shifted, the change was too subtle for Kieran to immediately detect in which direction it did. “You said earlier that no one else was to touch me with the intent to give pleasure or pain, Master. I... was wondering if that included me or not.”

Well, that was one possible answer to the question, in the strictest sense, and it _was_ true that Kieran had told him that. But it didn't really tell him what he’d asked for. “And do you have any preferences in the matter?” he therefore specified.

“I’m sorry, Master,” Nicholas instantly said, making Kieran wonder if he was apologizing for ‘forcing Kieran to specify’ or for whatever he was about to say. “I... It’s not my place to...” Yes, he was clearly uncomfortable now, his body tensing and his hands pressing down on his thighs as if he was trying to keep himself from clenching them into fists. “I... both do and don’t, Master,” he whispered. “I don’t want you to... I mean, please don’t take my preferences into consideration when deciding, Master.” He took a deep breath, and Kieran waited, feeling both uneasy and pleased that the omega was taking such care with his answer, with the conflicted emotions influencing his scent. “If you give permission, I... will bring myself off at least daily this week, imagining that it’s your hand touching me, imagining you... doing other things with me. I wouldn’t have the strength not to. It would... lessen the punishment and allow me to pretend.”

He shot a brief glance up toward Kieran’s face, surprising him with the amount of pure _need_ that was written in those green eyes. The desire and fear in his scent were both part of it, but that crossed the border into desperation. “I’m yours, Master. My body is yours. You’re the only one who can control who gets to touch it. I... like that. I like that you have that control, because I can’t... control myself. Especially when I can’t. I mean... I like pleasuring myself. Who doesn’t? But... my pleasure is secondary to _your_ pleasure, Master.”

Kieran sighed. All that rambling, and he still couldn’t quite make heads or tails of what, exactly, Nicholas wanted from him. One moment he thought Nicholas wanted Kieran to forbid him to masturbate, and then he’d say something that could just as easily indicate he wanted to be allowed to do it. “Get to the point, omega,” he said, using the title rather than name to indicate the end of his patience. “Which answer are you hoping I’ll give you?”

“I’m sorry, Master,” Nicholas apologized once more. “Mostly I’m hoping you _will_ give me an answer, no matter which it is, but... if I were to wish for one of them, it would be you denying me permission. It’s... been a while since I belonged to someone, and it’d help me get used to it faster.”

Thank you. Finally a concrete answer. And with Nicholas’ preferences clearly stated, the rest of his ramblings made a little bit more sense. He wanted Kieran to control him, even to that degree, wanted the previously given ban on pleasure – or pain – with other people to include himself, but he didn’t want Kieran to do that if _he_ didn’t want that control. Didn’t want Kieran to force himself into something he didn’t enjoy. To be honest, Kieran – or rather, the wolf in him – liked the thought of his hands being the _only_ ones to give Nicholas both pleasure and pain, and there was no hesitation regarding the second part of it. Even the part that was reluctant to this whole deal disliked the idea of Nicholas hurting himself. Surely it wasn’t that big a step from preventing him to hurt himself to preventing him to pleasure himself? But first things first, only partly to give himself a little more time to consider it. “In the future, if I ask you for your opinion on something, I want you to give it to me without hesitation, without worrying that you’ll influence me in either direction. If something’s important to me, your opinion won’t change my decision, and if it’s not important... it would still be my right to choose to indulge you or not, wouldn’t it?”

“Yes, Master.”

“I understand your hesitance, due to the subject, but it’s not the first time you’ve tried to avoid giving me the answer I wanted.” He had intended to tell Nicholas there would be no punishment _this_ time, but... Something, whether it was Nicholas’ scent or his manners or even Kieran’s own instincts, made him go on, “In fact, that’s the exact reason your arse is hurting, isn’t it?”

Nicholas hunched down slightly, ducking his head down a little further. “Yes, Master,” he whispered to the floor. “How do you want me?”

There had to be a special place in Hell for him, for feeling a thrill at the question. There was no way Nicholas should want more pain, should want another beating. There was no way Kieran should give him one. Should want to give him one. He certainly couldn’t use his belt again. Even with werewolf healing, that would... He didn’t want to risk actually _harming_ Nicholas. But... maybe he could use his hand? Just a little? Even a light spanking would probably hurt like fuck right now. And using his hand would also serve to put more of his scent on the omega, which would in turn increase the reward of not having to wash it off immediately. And with that kind of spanking in mind, the ‘proper’ position presented itself.

He patted his knee, slightly uncomfortable with saying it out loud. Fortunately he didn’t have to when Nicholas got to his feet with just that non-verbal instruction. His cock was still hard, and he was clearly struggling between his pleasure of being allowed to be that close to Kieran and the dismay of knowing he’d screwed up and made Kieran unhappy with him. Both emotions, however, probably helped him along and there was no hesitation before he draped himself over Kieran’s lap, putting his hands on the floor for extra support.

“I’d hoped it would take longer for you to end up like this again, pup.” The first time he’d used that pet name, it hadn’t really been a conscious use. It’d been more of a reaction to Nicholas calling the human ‘boy’ all that time, of attempting to somehow strike the same tone while refusing to pretend they were humans. This time, however... Well, it’d been more conscious, though the reason for it wasn’t as clear to him as it probably should be. Maybe it was just that the image that had popped up in his head when he decided on the spanking was of a drawing with a struggling boy being spanked by an adult man.

He’d never been spanked himself. Liam hadn’t seen the need for it, had used other methods of reinforcing his dominance. He could still remember the firm grip on his neck, all but threatening to break it if he struggled. On second thought, he was rather glad his father hadn’t spanked him, considering the strength of that grip.

“I’m going to give you ten swats.” Was ‘swats’ the right term? “You will not, however, know how hard they will be until they land.” To be fair, he wasn’t sure himself how hard they’d end up being, since he’d have to adjust to Nicholas’ reaction to them. Was ten too few? It’d take him a couple to adjust, after all.

“Yes, Master. Please punish me for my disobedience.” Nicholas hung his head. “And for... forcing you to punish me again this soon.”

Wait, had Nicholas just asked to be punished because he was being punished? That was... kind of a circular argument, wasn’t it? “If you want me to punish you for _that_ , you’re going to be here for a long time, pup,” he mumbled, putting his hand to Nicholas’ arse and lightly stroking the heated skin. “Because then I’d have to do it again for you forcing me to do it harder, which would force me to repeat it because of that, and... You get the point.”

“No, Master,” Nicholas hurried to say. “I meant... I disappointed you, by not managing to go longer without failing you.”

Oh. That made more sense, he supposed. “Very well. Let’s make it fifteen, then.” That was probably a better number. It’d give him a little more space to vary the intensity, as well.

Nicholas trembled. “Yes, Master,” he whispered, relaxing against Kieran’s legs. One part of him didn’t seem to relax that much, though. Apparently the pleasure of ‘absorbing Kieran’s scent’, or however Nicholas would put it, outweighed the disappointment and the anticipation of the pain.

Placing his left lower arm across Nicholas’ back, just in case he’d need to hold the omega in place, he raised his right. A small part of him was screaming in panic, wondering if he was really doing the right thing. But he reminded himself of what Nicholas had told him earlier, that it was about turning mental pain into physical, to give him an outlet, to convert it into something that would heal faster. With that thought firmly in mind, he smacked his palm down on Nicholas’ arse.

Nicholas jerked and sucked in his breath in a sharp gasp. Kieran caressed the cheek lightly, feeling the heat increase ever so slightly where he’d hit. Slowly, Nicholas relaxed again, and Kieran lifted his hand.

He alternated between the buttocks in a way he hadn’t been as able to do with the belt, gradually increasing the strength until he actually was forced to hold Nicholas down to keep him from struggling right off his lap by the tenth, choking on a scream.

“I’m sorry, Master,” he heard Nicholas whimper then. “I won’t do it again, I promise. I’m sorry. I’ll answer your questions, every time.”

“We’re not done yet,” he reminded the omega.

Nicholas groaned. “I know, Master.”

Still, Kieran took mercy on Nicholas, keeping the next four swats lighter, light enough to only make him flinch and grunt, pausing in between each to stroke his bruised arse, squeezing the globes and drawing sweet whimpers from him. Okay, so maybe that didn’t count as taking mercy on him, and it was fairly mean of him, but... it didn’t _harm_ him, did it?

“Last one,” he informed as he raised his hand. In response, Nicholas raised his arse higher, spreading his legs a little for better balance. That gave Kieran a horrible, horrible idea. “Spread ‘em more.” With a small gasp, Nicholas complied, moving his feet apart on the floor. “Further. I’ll tell you when to stop.” Nicholas’ breath hitched, but he obeyed without a single comment, without hesitation, until his legs were splayed as wide as possible, leaving him completely open. “That’s fine. Now stay like that.”

He wrapped his left arm around Nicholas’ waist to better hold him in place in that new position. He aimed carefully, then hesitated. “Can you take this for me?” he asked, wanting to give Nicholas one last chance to back out if he thought he needed to.

“Y-yes, Master,” Nicholas managed, his voice a hoarse whisper. “Please...”

Before Nicholas could finish the sentence, if he’d intended to, before Kieran could lose what little courage he had in this matter, he snapped his hand down along Nicholas’ perineum and balls. The angle wasn’t the best, and there was little force behind it, but he wagered that it wouldn’t be necessary. Not _there_. His guess proved true as Nicholas shrieked and rocked forward, forcing Kieran to temporarily tighten his hold further to keep him in place, to keep him from falling over. His scent was filled with pain and... gratitude. Sweet night, was he actually _grateful_? No, Kieran told himself, it was just that he was grateful it’d been the last one, that it was over now. The erection was long since gone, the limp cock barely even stirring as Kieran lightly caressed the area.

“Good pup,” he praised, blinking as those words made Nicholas moan and press back into his hand. He pulled it away, causing Nicholas to whimper softly. “Shh, be still,” he instructed, squeezing down around the omega’s waist again. “Don’t force me to give you another smack.” Nicholas instantly settled down again, then groaned as Kieran’s fingers touched him again. His legs started trembling as he clearly did his best not to move, the muscles of his thighs and arse tense. Realizing that the effort had to be painful in itself, Kieran snatched his hand away and released Nicholas’ waist. “You did well. Stand up.”

He had to help Nicholas up, since the omega was too overbalanced to manage it on his own, but then, to his surprise, Nicholas immediately dropped to his knees and bowed his head. There wasn’t even more than a moment’s hesitation before he settled his arse down on his heels, even when that _had_ to hurt. Unlike last time there was no return of his arousal, his cock still hanging flaccid and meek between his spread thighs.

“Thank you, Master,” he whispered. Kieran could see the faint wince on his face before he swallowed and went on in a more normal tone, “Thank you for taking the time to correct me and for judging me strong enough to take it.”

Oh, for fuck’s sake. He wanted to scream, wanted to tell Nicholas he couldn’t take this any more, couldn’t bear Nicholas _thanking_ him for being a right bastard. He didn’t. It would devastate the omega, and it was Kieran’s job to take care of his pack, not traumatize them. That almost made him laugh. As if he hadn’t traumatized Nicholas enough already. He wanted to apologize, wanted to lie to him and promise to never hurt him again. Instead, what he said was, “You’re welcome, Nicholas. And now it’s time for you to go to bed.” Then he remembered what they’d been talking about before this impromptu spanking. “And remember that your body is mine. That means no touching your cock or your arsehole outside of sanitary reasons, unless I specifically order you to.”

Nicholas drew in his breath sharply, his scent flooded with gratitude. “Yes, Master!” he said eagerly. “I won’t, I promise.”

“It also means no attempts to hurt yourself. Even during this week. I will get you a notebook tomorrow. If you break a rule, for any reason, I want you to write it down, and I want details about when, how and why. You will present this notebook to me promptly if I ask for it, without comments or apologies.”

Nicholas swallowed nervously, his gratitude abating slightly but not nearly as much as Kieran had expected. “Yes, Master,” he said, decidedly less eagerly.

“Good.” He hesitated for just a moment. “I expect you’ll have learned your lesson today about not being honest.”

Nicholas nodded rapidly. “Yes, Master, I have.”

“Then get up and go to bed.” He made sure to say it kindly, to prevent Nicholas from thinking he was upset. It didn’t seem to work that well, as Nicholas’ face still fell, even as he nodded and pushed himself to his feet. “Goodnight, Nicholas.”

“Goodnight, Master.” Brief hesitation, then Nicholas turned without saying another word and left the room.

Kieran stood up as well, staring at the door as it closed behind the omega. What had he landed himself in? He raised his hands to start unbuttoning his shirt, and then paused. Before he knew it, he was pressing his nose into his hands, inhaling Nicholas’ scent off his palms, how it mingled with Kieran's own as if it _belonged_ there. He closed his eyes, his mind assaulting him with images of Nicholas pliant on the floor of the club’s back room, begging to be allowed to serve Kieran. Nicholas naked, on all fours, telling Donna he wanted to be at Kieran’s feet, how he needed Kieran to punish him for the things he’d done wrong. Nicholas bent over Kieran’s desk, arse bright red, pushing back and silently begging to be taken. Nicholas bent across his lap, legs spread and arse up, willing to be spanked on his balls if that was what Kieran wanted.

He groaned as his cock tingled and swelled. It was sick. _He_ was sick, for getting off on assaulting an omega. Even when said omega asked him to do it.

“Fuck it,” he swore between gritted teeth, all but tearing his clothes off on the way into the en-suite. He’d indulge in this, just this once. Maybe twice. Tomorrow, he’d be professional. He’d be the alpha he had to be. But for now, he’d give in to his body’s needs without letting his mind interfere. His hand was around his cock even before the shower was warm.


	13. Chapter 13

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As you've probably noticed by now, I'm not good at writing notes and comments ^^; But I figured it might be needed this time. 
> 
> I'm caught up with what I've pre-written now, so updating is going to be going more slowly, occurring when and as I finish writing a chapter. Judging by how the rest has been written, this could be anywhere between two chapters in one day or one week for a single chapter.
> 
> And another thing... Ever since the first couple of chapters, especially once I started introducing the rest of the pack, I've more or less placed them somewhere in/on Ireland. It hasn't really come up that much before, but I couldn't really just stick with some vague 'anywhere land' for the rest of the novel, could I? ^^; The problem is that I'm not Irish, and the internet can only teach you so much, which was why it took me this long before I just went 'screw it' and decided to go with it ^^; So if any of you catch something that you know wouldn't work, throw me a comment about it so I can fix it, okay?

_Nicholas_

 

It was with reluctance that Nicholas pried his eyes open, squinting against the sunlight streaming in even through the curtains. He rolled over onto his back, groaning as his arse reminded him why that was a terrible idea. Even so, he pressed his hips down into the mattress, letting out a shuddering breath as the dull throbbing intensified into a vague shadow of the burning heat of last night.

He didn’t want to get up. He wanted to stay in bed all day, just remembering last night, how Kieran had finally become his master like Nicholas had wanted since the day they met. Pretending that Kieran actually _wanted_ it and wasn’t just humouring the poor omega. Well, Kieran did say he wanted Nicholas to be his, but... there was no way to hide that he wasn’t comfortable with what Nicholas needed.

It didn’t matter. What Nicholas needed didn’t matter. He’d have to talk to Kieran about it, explain that he wasn’t expecting anything, promise that anything was fine, that Kieran didn’t need to punish him, didn’t need to reward him. Could just... Nicholas sobbed and rolled back onto his side, curling up into a ball. He didn’t want Kieran to go back to ignoring him, wanted to be his completely, wanted to be marked, fucked, spanked, punished, rewarded... Wanted to kneel at his feet and feel his hand through his hair. Wanted to take that gorgeous cock into his mouth and giving Kieran the pleasure he deserved just for being him. Wanted to offer his arse up for Kieran to use, never expecting any care to be given for his own comfort or pleasure. Wanted all that, and more. Everything. But it didn’t matter what he wanted. He’d have to be satisfied with what Kieran wanted to give. This week would be hell, but he’d use it to force himself to get used to being what Kieran wanted him to be.

He’d have to be perfect. He needed to do everything Kieran wanted him to do, including getting out of bed right this instance and showering off... Showering off Kieran’s scent.

His morning erection faded as full realization of his punishment set in. No more calling Kieran ‘Master’. No more hoarding of unintentional scent marking. He _was_ still allowed to kneel, but Kieran had made it perfectly clear last night that it was a privilege he could easily remove. So clearly it wasn’t something he _wanted_ Nicholas to do. Which meant Nicholas would avoid doing that as much as possible, outside of formal pack settings, in order to be good.

He groaned, realizing several more minutes had passed and he was nowhere closer to getting out of bed. Throwing his duvet aside, he forced himself to slip his feet off the bed. After another few moments, he pushed himself upright, biting back another groan as his weight pressed his buttocks down into the mattress. He relished the sensation for a few seconds, before remembering that hurting himself wasn’t a good start when he’d decided to be perfect. Jolting to his feet, he realized he’d have to write it down in that notebook Kieran had said he’d provide. He wanted to cry. Only the first morning, and already he’d screwed up. He’d screwed up, and Kieran had expected him to screw up. And what was worse, he could still hear Kieran’s voice, saying, _if you’ve behaved well during this week, if you’ve taken your punishment without complaint and without mistakes, you’ll be sleeping the night off in my bed._

He desperately wanted to not admit his mistake, wanted to pretend he’d been well-behaved, wanted to not write it down... but he couldn’t. At some point, Kieran was bound to find out, and Nicholas didn’t want to see the disappointment in Kieran’s face when he realized Nicholas had lied. No, it was better to admit it straight away and resign himself to the fact he wouldn’t be allowed in Kieran’s bed anytime soon. It would be better for everyone, that way.

Rubbing sleep grit and tears from his eyes and face, Nicholas then left the sanctuary of his room and headed for the main bathroom. He had to follow orders, had to shower. Fortunately, he didn’t run into anyone, didn’t have to explain anything or pretend to be happy or even say good morning. It wasn’t a good morning, and there wouldn’t be one for a long, long week.

He grabbed the towel he’d used last night and hung it up on one of the hooks inside the shower room before turning on the nearest showerhead. Staring numbly at the stream of water, he waited for it to get warm enough, part of him wondering if he was even supposed to wait for warm water. But Kieran hadn’t specified cold water, and he wasn’t allowed to punish himself. So he waited, fighting his desire to forget about the shower. Forced himself to step in under the water the moment the spray turned lukewarm.

Maybe it was his misery, maybe the sound of the shower and the water washing down his face, but the first thing he noticed that he wasn’t alone was the soft, “Shit.” The word seemed to echo in the room, and he turned to face whoever it was. His heart thudded when he saw Jeremy standing there, a towel of his own in his hand.

He lowered his eyes to the floor, unable to handle Jeremy seeing him like this, not after everything Jeremy had said last night. “Sorry,” he mumbled. “I’ll be done soon.” At first, Jeremy didn’t respond, and Nicholas almost started to hope he’d just leave and come back after Nicholas was finished. He should have known better.

“I guess you finally got a taste of your own medicine. Not as nice now, is it?”

The words hit him like a gut punch, and he shuddered where he stood, hugging himself tightly. He wanted to argue, wanted to tell Jeremy it wasn’t at all the same thing, that this had been a punishment, that he was still being punished, and that it would never be the same thing as being flogged simply because it pleased your master. Or top. But what was the point? Jeremy wasn’t going to like him any better, and he just had to learn to live with it. “Doesn’t matter,” he muttered, turning away once more and reaching for the shampoo.

Then he dropped the bottle when he felt the brush of fingers against his arse. “No!” he cried, spinning around and backing away from Jeremy. “You’re not allowed to touch me like that. Ma–” He swallowed the word, remembering the rules. “Kieran doesn’t want to share me.”

Jeremy blinked at him, almost as if in shock. Then he scoffed. “Don’t be ridiculous. I wouldn’t want to ‘share’ anyway. I was just curious. There’s no harm in that, is there?”

Nicholas bit his lip. Part of him wanted to help Jeremy understand, if only because it would help Kieran by giving him a more harmonious pack. But the rest of him... No. Not Jeremy. And not when he didn’t know if Kieran would be angry with him. But... Kieran had said casual touch was okay, it was only touch to give him pleasure or pain that was forbidden. So Kieran shouldn’t be angry. His remaining argument died in the face of that. It would help Kieran, and as long as it remained within Kieran’s limits it wasn’t breaking a rule. What did his own wishes matter compared to that?

“I’m not to let anyone other than Kieran touch me in order to give me pleasure or pain,” he informed Jeremy nervously. “As... As long as you’re careful...”

“Yeah, sure,” Jeremy promised easily.

Nicholas wasn’t sure if he could trust him, but what choice did he have? Jeremy might be a weak beta, but even if he’d been a gamma he’d have been above Nicholas. He couldn’t really disobey without good reason. So he closed his eyes and turned to present his arse. He tried not to shudder at the touch, as Jeremy’s fingers ghosted across his skin.

“Does it hurt?”

Nicholas frowned, not sure if Jeremy meant in general or specifically his touch, and the constantly running water impaired his nose to the point where he couldn’t get any clue from Jeremy’s scent. “My arse, yes,” he confirmed. “It’s supposed to.”

“So... is this side of you real or pretend? If you lie, I’m going to hit you and let you deal with Kieran.”

Panicking, Nicholas shied away from the hand on his arse, but that only brought him up against the wall, and Jeremy followed him. “Don’t,” he half warned, half begged, trying to keep down his desperation. He didn’t want to start the week this way, didn’t want Kieran disappointed in him. Not more than he’d already be.

“Then tell me.”

“Real,” he whispered. “It always was. I just tried to pretend it wasn’t, because I thought it wasn’t what Kieran wanted from me.”

“I don’t believe that,” Jeremy said, and Nicholas’ heart rate shot up. “I _saw_ you at that club that one time, _saw_ you swaggering around like you owned the place. You couldn’t do that if you were an omega.”

“You’re wrong,” he said, desperately needing Jeremy to believe him. “Any omega worth his rank could, _if it was expected of him_.” He put emphasis on those last words. “It was who I needed to be in order to serve. It was what was expected of me.”

“Really?” Jeremy scoffed again, but dropped his hand and Nicholas could hear him step out of the spray. “Go on then. Show me.”

Nicholas closed his eyes again, just for a moment. Kieran didn’t want him to play the dominant wolf anymore. But then he recalled the specifications of that order. He wasn’t allowed to play the dominant with _humans_ anymore. Taking a deep breath, he turned to face Jeremy. There was no use explaining that doing it almost on his own like this took a lot longer than just a few moments, that it had usually taken him up toward half an hour to get into the right mindset, to remind himself of what he was doing and why. He just had to do it. He tried to recall the sensation when Kieran had ordered him to be strong and dominant, tried to focus on that memory until he could imagine it strongly enough to pretend Kieran was here right now, telling him the same thing. He _did_ need to do it for Kieran’s sake, because if he didn’t, Jeremy would never believe him, and might even hurt him, and Nicholas couldn’t allow that to happen.

Pulling his dominant persona up from the back of his mind, he shuddered one final time as it slid over him, feeling brittle and thin without Kieran’s support and without submissives around to reinforce it. He took another moment to push his omega side further away, doing his best to forget who and what he was. Then, when he felt secure enough in his pretend dominance, he straightened and stared down at Jeremy, smiling slightly.

“Happy?” he drawled.

“I don’t believe it.” Jeremy seemed so very fond of that phrase. “There’s no way you could be both more dominant than me and less.”

Nicholas chuckled and shook his head before tossing his drenched hair back. “I’m not more dominant than you, Jeremy. I’ve never been. I was trained by my old pack to do this kind of thing, though they never asked _this_ of me. But I’ve spent a month on all fours, even forgetting how to speak, because it was demanded of me. I’ve begged for them to do things to me you wouldn’t even want to hear about, truly desiring those things, simply because I was ordered to want them. After I was... asked to leave, I found a BDSM club that wasn’t run by the pack, hoping they’d take me back, resorting to submitting to humans simply to keep me functioning.” It was surprising how much easier it was to talk about these things when he was in this persona, feeling almost as if he was discussing someone else. “But human clubs always have more submissive members than dominant members, and since I never dared enter into any long-term relationships – both because I was hoping to be accepted back into the pack and because of the risk of them finding out how I spent my full moons – it wasn’t as easy for me to find someone to play with. I don’t remember the exact moment I realized that I could use what I’d been trained to do to serve in a different way, but after that I came to be known at the club as a switch.”

“A what?”

“Switch. It’s a human term for someone who can switch between being submissive and dominant, someone who enjoys both sides. I didn’t really see the need to inform them that wasn’t the case with me. I still preferred to spend the night on my knees, but if that wasn’t possible I’d serve another submissive by giving them what they wanted. I learned how to handle floggers and paddles, took workshops on other things in order to become the best pretend dominant I could be, so I could satisfy as many desires as possible.”

“Then why didn’t you stay there?” Jeremy whinged, clearly wishing Nicholas had never joined ‘his’ pack and muddied the borders between dominant and submissive.

Nicholas simply looked at him, letting his persona slip far enough to show the horrible emptiness that he felt whenever he remembered what it was like to live as a lone omega. Jeremy squirmed slightly. “Because I was lonely. Because playing with humans was never enough. Because being forced to lock myself in my small flat every full moon night was killing me.”

Now Jeremy looked nauseated. “Fuck,” he swore quietly.

“I couldn’t run free, not on my own, not when I’d have to stay away both from other werewolves _and_ from humans. So I had to come to terms with the fact that my old pack wasn’t going to let me come back. Had to leave Dublin and find another one who would have me. You know that part; I went through it last night. Except this pack is so much different from my last one. There’s barely been even a raised voice when someone misbehaves, like when Kelly was careless coming home a couple of weeks ago and almost got mugged and raped by humans. Kieran just _talked_ to her. I tried, in the beginning, to ask what was required of me, and was told to just follow the rules. But there were no rules. Just common sense. So I tried to be what I thought Kieran wanted me to be, tried to hide who I was. Found Devotion, just so I could have some sort of outlet for the needs I have. But I couldn’t submit any more, not when I belonged to the pack, when I belonged to Kieran. So I could only play the dominant. It wasn’t what I wanted, but it was the only thing I could do. It’s...” He tried to find the words to explain how starved he’d been in a way Jeremy could understand. “It’s like living off of fast food burgers only, after having become used to freshly killed deer. It keeps you alive, but it never satisfies you.”

“Oh.”

“Can I drop this persona now?” He couldn’t just _do_ it, despite pushing his submissive side so far back; somehow he needed to have permission even now. That’s what had been so convenient with the humans’ notion of ‘safe, sane and consensual’, that everything had to be negotiated and that the submissive always had the power to end things by saying their safe word. It had given him the tacit permission to do the things he did, and with time and the benefit of his nose, he’d learned to read human submissives like an open book, become an expert in staying on the narrow line between pleasure and pain.

“What, you need to ask me about that?” Jeremy clearly still doubted him.

He smiled. “Sure I do. Need to make sure there’s not anything else you require while I’m like this.” The smile turned into a smirk as it was Jeremy’s turn to shudder. Obviously the beta had thought he meant in terms of play.

“No, it’s fine, you can drop it,” Jeremy hurried to say, even going so far as to take a step back.

Breathing a sigh of relief, Nicholas let go of his pretend dominance, let it recede to the back of his mind again, sagged against the wall as Jeremy’s presence suddenly worried him again. “Are... are you going to hit me?” he ventured, hoping he’d managed to convince Jeremy he hadn’t lied. Moments later, as his memory played back the things he’d said, his stomach clenched into a tight ball of anguish. He’d broken a rule. He’d been talking about his old pack, and he wasn’t allowed to, but he’d had to, had to make Jeremy understand, and... he hadn’t remembered. He’d pushed himself so far away that he hadn’t _remembered_. He whimpered softly to himself.

“That’s creepy,” Jeremy simply said, reminding him of his presence. The beta was staring at him once more. “It still doesn’t explain how you did what you did yesterday. I asked Benjamin, and he made it out to be this amazing ‘subspace’ thing, whatever that is. He never explained that part, but something about you changing just because you’d been ordered to.” Both body language and tone of voice screamed out his scepticism, and Nicholas didn’t doubt that his scent would have agreed with it if he’d been able to smell it.

Nicholas looked down, forced himself to put his misdeed to the side for now and concentrate on the ongoing conversation. “Pretty much,” he agreed. “Kieran needed someone to fetch the rest of you, one by one, without letting you know what had happened out there. Langdon admitted he couldn’t do that, but... After what happened at Devotion, I knew I could do it if Kieran ordered me to.”

Jeremy frowned. “After what happened?”

Nicholas shivered. “He confronted me about what I’d been doing there and was practically bleeding dominance all over the place. When he told me to pick a submissive so he could watch and see for himself what I did, I... couldn’t even think anymore. I was ready to drop to my knees and beg him to do whatever he wanted with me, but that wasn’t what he’d told me to do. But... I also knew I’d never be able to do it, not with him inside the same room. And then... Then he ordered me to be strong and dominant, and it had never been easier to shift into my role. It was as easy as breathing, and it was all because he’d told me to.”

“I don’t believe that,” Jeremy said, one more time.

“I can’t explain it any other way.” He thought about it. “I guess... I guess you could compare it to hypnosis, in a way. Like those magician shows you see sometimes on the telly, or like those movies where people are hypnotized by some guy with a swinging pocket watch. At least it is when I’m given an order to become something else by my...” He wasn’t supposed to call Kieran that word. “Owner,” he settled for instead. “My alpha, my everything. Except it doesn’t take more than a few seconds, at least if I’m in the right state of mind to begin with. It’s like what I am just flows away, gets stuffed in some mental box, leaving me completely empty, ready to be filled with whatever my ma... alpha wants me to be.”

“I still don’t understand how that’s possible.”

Nicholas swallowed. “If you want, you could ask Kieran to give me an order like that. Come up with something specific, if you’re worried we’ll collaborate beforehand or something. I’m... undergoing punishment this week, so I’m not sure he’ll be that willing to do it, but if you explain that you need to understand, he might agree.”

“Punishment? More of that?” Jeremy gestured to Nicholas’ crotch, obviously indicating his sore arse.

Nicholas shook his head. “No.” He swallowed. He didn’t want to talk about it, but he also didn’t want to hide from the pack, not unless Kieran told him to do it. And if there was any chance Jeremy would understand, he had to take it. “Much worse than that. Pain is... easy. That was for my failure yesterday to answer his questions fully, to teach me that if he asks me something, I have no right to avoid answering, or giving partial answers. This is... much more serious. It’s for giving James opportunity, and for allowing myself to be used to spread discontent in the pack, and for forcing Kieran to...” Drawing a trembling breath, he made himself go on. “To banish his second-in-command, whom he’s known for years. Practically his brother.” The last words were barely audible over the still-running shower.

Jeremy bristled. “Glad Kieran knows it’s your fault.”

Nicholas swallowed again. “He... said he doesn’t blame me for it, but I agree with you. It is my fault. Even if Kieran is right and James would have eventually found some other excuse, I’m the one he used. I deserve to be punished, even if I hate it.”

Jeremy clearly wasn’t happy with finding out it hadn’t been Kieran’s decision to bring it up, but he didn’t say anything more about that. “So what’s he doing if he’s not gonna spank you?”

“He’s... pushing me away. He won’t touch me more than he absolutely has to, and if he does I’m to wash his scent away as soon as possible. I’m not allowed to call him ‘Master’, and... even if he didn’t order me not to, he made it clear he doesn’t _want_ me to kneel to him unless it’s required by pack etiquette. And I’m not allowed to leave the house.”

“That’s all? You’re just _grounded_?”

Nicholas belly was tight with distress and grief. Jeremy didn’t understand. How could he? He wasn’t an omega, didn’t even know anything about BDSM; he didn’t _know_ what it was like to want to be owned more than anything else in the world. “You don’t understand,” he whispered. “All I want, all I’ve ever wanted from the moment I met him, is to belong to Kieran. To be marked by him, to be claimed and controlled and be _his_. He knows that now, and that’s why he’s deliberately denying me those things, until the matter with James is resolved one way or the other. After that... I don’t know what will happen. I have nothing. All I can do is follow every order he gives me, hoping he will forgive me and accept me as his.” Strictly speaking, Kieran _had_ promised him a night in his bed after the first full moon night, but there was no need to mention it. It was already off the table, after all.

“If you say so, but it still doesn’t seem that harsh to me. I guess I just don’t get it.” He snorted, as if he didn’t really think there was anything to get in the first place.

“I hope you never do. I’m sorry, I need to finish my shower, to make sure I’m completely unmarked.” He turned and bent to pick up the shampoo bottle again, just as he heard the door open.

“I hope you guys aren’t stealing all the hot water,” he heard Benjamin call out, and he felt a flare of guilt for having stood around talking for so long with the water running.

He’d been selfish and inconsiderate, and he’d _definitely_ used up more than his share of hot water. Straightening up, he reached for the thermostat knob and turned it almost all the way to the blue side. When the water obliged him and rapidly went icy, he bit back a shriek, forced himself to stay under the spray even as goose bumps spread across his skin. He deserved it.

“You’re crazy,” Jeremy muttered, having quickly edged away from the suddenly cold water. After another moment or two, Nicholas heard him cross the tiled area to a shower on the opposite wall. “Don’t worry, Benjamin, should be at least some left for us, even after Nicholas’ splurging.”

If he hadn’t been so chilled, Nicholas might have blushed in shame at Jeremy’s casual revelation of his guilt. Now he just looked down as he poured shampoo in his hand before replacing the bottle on the shelf and stepping out of the spray in order to rub it into his hair.

“Shit,” he heard Benjamin say in a rush of explosive breath, and he struggled not to pull a face when he realized another of the wolves was now staring at his arse. “Damn, you’re one lucky guy,” Benjamin said then, and that made both him and Jeremy turn to stare.

“Lucky?” Jeremy spluttered.

“Uh-huh. I’d give anything to have someone care that much about me.”

“ _Care_?” This time, Jeremy’s question was almost a squeak.

“He doesn’t understand,” Nicholas said softly. “And all I’m feeling lucky about now is that I’m still allowed to be part of the pack.” Would that still be the case, after Kieran found out what he’d done?

“But still! I wish I had someone to flog me whenever I mess up. Can I... Can I touch?”

“Kieran doesn’t share. I’m not allowed to let anyone touch me to give pleasure or pain,” he informed Benjamin cautiously, knowing he’d understand far better than Jeremy had. “And my touch isn’t allowed to give pleasure to anyone other than Kieran.”

“You’re not calling him Master anymore?” Some of his despair over that fact must have been visible in his face, because Benjamin flushed slightly. “Sorry if I hit a nerve.”

“Apparently, he’s being ‘punished’,” Jeremy interjected. If he was attempting to be helpful he clearly missed the mark. “Can’t call him master, has to wash whenever Kieran touches him, can’t go outside. Doesn’t sound like much of a–”

“Oh no!” Benjamin interrupted, stepping forward with his arms stretched out. Then he stepped into reach of the cold shower and jumped back with an undignified yelp, ending up almost slipping on the wet floor. “Shit, Nick, you have to take cold showers, too?”

Nicholas shook his head. “I used up too much hot water while talking to Jeremy,” he admitted. “It wouldn’t be right to use more of it.”

“Now you listen to me, Nicholas, you turn off that shower right away, or I’m telling Kieran you’re taking it on yourself to administer punishments.”

Nicholas felt the blood drain from his face, as he realized what it must look like, remembered his own argument with himself over whether or not he was ‘allowed’ hot water. “It’s not like that!” he choked out, but now that the thought was in his head he couldn’t stop seeing what he was doing as hurting himself. Without looking, he fumbled for the other knob, turning it until the water slowed to a drizzle before stopping completely.

“I take it you’re not allowed that either, then,” Benjamin said with a small smile. “Lucky bastard.” He came closer again, this time going all the way until he was close enough to pull Nicholas into a hug. “I’m sorry you’re being punished, but I’m sure Kieran would agree with me that opting for cold showers in addition to all that is excessive.”

“I guess.” He swallowed. “There’s no need to tell him; I’ll do that myself.”

Benjamin stepped back and smiled up at him. “You did as I told you, so there’s no reason for me to say anything. Now this is what we’re going to do, if you’re still worried about the hot water. You’re going to share my shower. When I’m stepping out to use products, you rinse yours off, and vice versa. Okay?”

“Okay,” Nicholas echoed, feeling slightly ashamed to have another submissive order him about, even if the submissive in question was a gamma and thus marginally more dominant than he was.

“Good.” Benjamin turned on the next shower over, adjusting the thermostat to his liking.

There was little talking the rest of the shower, something Nicholas was actually grateful for. If the others noticed his hesitance before washing his balls, or his relief when he realized the touch didn’t resurrect the pain there, they didn’t comment on it. He didn’t allow himself to hesitate about anything else; Kieran’s scent had to be washed off, no matter his own wishes.

When they were done, and he dried himself off, he looked over at Benjamin again. He wasn’t sure he should ask, but... “Did... did you want to touch?” he asked, glad Jeremy had already gone.

Benjamin hesitated as well, then shook his head. “I do, but... I don’t want to break your rules, and it’d definitely be for my pleasure.”

“Oh. Sorry.”

He gave a crooked grin. “Don’t worry about it. It’s not your fault I’m jealous as hell.”

It was the perfect opportunity to ask. “You... want Kieran?” He wasn’t really sure he _wanted_ to know, but better to know now than to be taken unawares later on.

The grin slipped as Benjamin blinked in puzzlement, then he shook his head vigorously. “Oh, Hell no, that’s not... It’s just the whole situation, you know? Being taken care of, controlled. I want someone, as well. Someone to offer my submission to, someone I know will treat me right. Apart from us, there’s only two who I know are into the lifestyle. Samantha’s been helping me out now and then, but... She’s not interested in me, and she’s not the right type of dominant for me. Peter prefers women, so even though he’s a switch it wouldn’t work, even if I had been interested in him that way.” He shrugged, then offered a small smile. “But hey, I never thought Kieran would be interested in that kind of relationship, so maybe someone else will surprise me, no?”

Nicholas looked searchingly at Benjamin. “Someone else in particular?” Surely Benjamin wasn’t so desperate that just _anyone_ would work.

Benjamin blushed. “Well, yes. But I’d rather not jinx it by telling.”

For a brief moment they smiled at each other, just two submissives understanding each other’s need for a dominant. Then Benjamin turned to grab the clothes he’d brought with him, and the moment was over. Nicholas’ peace was shattered by sudden panic as he realized he had no idea if he was supposed to get dressed or not. “Um, Benjamin?” he asked. “Can I ask you for advice?”

The gamma looked up at him. “Of course,” he said simply.

“Kieran never said anything about clothes, and I don’t know which he’d prefer; if I got dressed or if I remained naked.” He didn’t want to screw up that part as well.

Benjamin seemed to consider it for a couple of seconds, before nodding. “Get dressed, at least until you have a chance to ask him. The bruising might upset the vanilla pack members, after all. And they could be considered a form of marking, so he might not want you to display them.”

Nicholas eyes widened. He hadn’t thought of... Well, yes, he had, but he hadn’t thought further than that. “Thanks, Benjamin.” He shivered at the thought of what he might have done if Benjamin hadn’t helped out. And even now, he’d have to admit to having displayed the marks to Jeremy and Benjamin. Had to write it down in that notebook that had been mentioned last night, as soon as Kieran gave it to him.

“You’re welcome.”

Wrapping the towel around his waist, just in case he ran into anyone other than Jeremy, he left the bathroom and headed back to his room to get dressed.

Ten minutes later, dressed in simple jeans and t-shirt, he tried not to dwell too much on the sensations in his arse as he headed downstairs, tried not to savour the throbbing ache. Kieran wouldn’t want him to. As he came down, he caught a faint whiff of Kieran’s scent, inhaling it greedily even as he reasoned that it was at least two or three hours old.

“Finally awake, hm?” Charlie’s gruff tones greeted him from the main living room, where he was watching motorcycle racing on almost mute. For a moment, Nicholas panicked. Had he been supposed to get up at a certain time? “Rough night, I guess,” Charlie went on, not turning away from his programme. He held up something above his head, and when Nicholas came closer he saw it was a notebook. Even before Charlie said anything, his heart sank. “Here, Kieran said you were to have this.”

Numbly, Nicholas took the notebook, now smelling more of Charlie than Kieran. He hadn’t even wanted to hand it to Nicholas in person? “Thanks,” he mumbled, more because it was expected of him than because he felt it.

“No problem. He also suggested you call in sick to work, or otherwise take time off.”

Fuck, work. It hadn’t even crossed his mind last night. What time was it, anyway? Looking back over his shoulder to find the clock on the wall, his eyes widened when he realized it was almost nine already. Which day... right. Friday. Shit, he needed to be in at ten. Fortunately, it was just one day left until the weekend, and he could ask Kieran later if he had any suggestions for Monday and Tuesday. Part of him played with the idea to just tell the truth, but... while he had his suspicions his supervisor wouldn’t be too surprised, he doubted that being grounded by your master was an acceptable reason to stay home.

“Thanks, Charlie,” he said and received a grunt in return. Clutching the notepad in one hand, he headed for the kitchen and the nearest phone. He dialled the warehouse where he worked, listening to the dialling tone with bated breath. When he heard Keith’s voice on the other end, he slumped against the wall in relief, knowing he was the least likely to ask unwanted questions. “Hey, it’s Nicholas.”

“Hey, Nick.” Half a second’s pause. “Is something wrong?”

“I’m really, really sorry, Keith, but I can’t come in today. Did something stupid last night and managed to hurt my back.” Well, his backside, at least. “Barely made it out of bed this morning.” Though not for that reason.

“Oh, shit.”

“Yeah. Hopefully it’ll be better by Monday, but I’m not promising anything.” He felt bad, lying like this, but what could he do? “At the very least, I should be in on Wednesday; it’s just a few hours, so I should definitely be fine with that.”

“Don’t worry, it’s fine. Just make sure you get someone to look at it, okay? Just in case it’s something more serious. And...” Nicholas could almost _hear_ the face he pulled. “I wouldn’t care, but if Jones up in HR deals with it, you know he’s going to demand a cert if you’re not well by Tuesday. I know weekends technically shouldn’t count, but...”

“I know. I’m sorry I didn’t call sooner; I would have, but I thought a good night’s sleep would make it better, so it didn’t occur to me.”

“It’s fine, Nick. Don’t worry. I’ll give Paddy a call; he’s always up for more hours. Go get yourself an appointment, then rest, you hear?”

“Yeah, sure. Thanks, Keith.”

When he hung up, he grabbed a pen, and was just about to sit down with the notepad, as Kieran had instructed, when Charlie spoke up from the living room.

“There’s some breakfast still being kept warm in the oven, and once you’re done with that, I have things for you to do.”

Nicholas hesitated, but realized there was no getting around it. Charlie was a beta, mated to an alpha and therefore the highest ranking beta in the pack. He couldn’t disobey. “Yes, sir,” he said.

Charlie growled, a deep rumble that seemed to vibrate through Nicholas’ body. He flinched back, wondering what he’d done wrong. “If you’re not allowed to submit to Kieran, you’re sure as hell not going to start with me. The name’s Charlie, not ‘sir’.”

Nicholas’ eyes widened. Kieran had told Charlie about the punishment? “No, that’s not what I...” he began, but trailed off the excuse. “I’m sorry, Charlie.” Of course Kieran had told him. He’d probably told all of them, or would as soon as he could. Just to make sure there’d be no way for Nicholas to squeeze in some relief. Then again, Nicholas had told two of the pack on his own already; it wasn’t as if he had anything _against_ it, it had just come as a surprise. “Thank you,” he added. “For reminding me.” Without the support of the rest of the pack, he wasn’t sure how he’d manage.

Charlie grunted. “Eat. Then chores.”

“Yes, Charlie.” Without any reason to delay the inevitable, Nicholas crouched to look into the oven. There were two plates in there, complete with paper name tags. Nicholas and Kelly. He raised his head to ask why Kelly hadn’t eaten yet, but then remembered she had the afternoon shift at the hospital. Taking out his plate, he set it on the kitchen island and cautiously climbed up on one of the bar stools to eat.

As he ate with one hand, he opened the notebook with the other and grabbed the pen to write down this morning’s screw-ups, making sure to include each and every one of them, starting with indulging in his pain when he woke up and ending with accidentally calling Charlie ‘sir’. Sleeping in Kieran’s bed at the end of this was _definitely_ out of reach by now; if things continued in this way, he’d be lucky if he was allowed back into his master’s good graces within a month.


	14. Chapter 14

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for taking so long this time, but... This chapter would have contained additional warnings, but the more I tried to write that scene, the more it felt stiff and forced – and not in the good way. So after being stuck at a snail's pace for a few days, with barely a word written per day, I decided to cut the scene and later bring up pieces of it in minor flashbacks/reflections. The chapter still alludes to what's going on, but nothing explicit happens. Sorry about that, for people who might have enjoyed reading all of it.
> 
> A note: Junior cycle is comparable to the American junior high school, the three years of education containing students between the ages of 12-16 (depending on whether they started school at 4 or 5).

_Kieran_

 

Kieran put the notebook he’d selected from the ones he had on the kitchen island. “Make sure Nicholas gets this,” he told Charlie, who was currently cooking breakfast, handling two skillets at the same time.

“Of course,” Charlie rumbled. “You want some breakfast?” He indicated the sausages and bacon being fried. “I just started, though, so it’ll take a little while before it’s all done.”

Kieran shook his head. “Have to get going. I’ll just grab something on the way to work.” Maybe it was a little cowardly of him, but he wanted a little bit more time to prepare himself before facing Nicholas again. “Speaking of work, please remind him to call in sick, as well.” He hadn’t thought about such things until he’d already been in bed last night, had considered going over to the guest room Nicholas had been staying in for the last four months and changing the punishment to only confine him to the house outside of work hours. In the end, he hadn’t.

Charlie glanced over his shoulder at him. “He’s not well?”

Kieran sighed. “It’s not that. It’s... Things are going to be different; Nicholas said he needed more rules, and consequences for breaking them. He was also feeling guilty for his part in what happened with James yesterday. So until the challenge is over with, he’s confined to the house and denied what he wants the most: submitting to me.”

“Okay.”

For a moment, Kieran was flabbergasted with the ease Charlie seemed to have in accepting it. Then again... he was mated to an alpha; while Donna didn’t seem to be that strict, Kieran wasn’t going to ask about the specifics in their relationship. “He’s not, however, forbidden from doing chores. So feel free to put him to work if you like.”

“Will do, Kieran.”

He turned to leave, then paused and turned back. “Oh, and don’t forget Samantha’s pills.” Had he told Charlie about those last night? He had, hadn’t he?

“Already took them off the desk.” Oh good, he had. “One question though, if I may?” Kieran nodded his permission when Charlie looked over at him. “Should I permit her to shower now, or do you want me to wait until you’re home? Or do you have any other instructions regarding that?”

The first answer that came to mind was for Charlie to use his own judgement, but that was how he’d have managed it before. He couldn’t do that anymore, not if he wanted to stick to what he’d said yesterday about ruling more firmly. So after thinking about it he instead said, “That depends on her behaviour. If she’s polite and respectful, she can have one. If she’s belligerent, rude or demanding, then no. The only things she has any right to are food, drink and her pills.” He hesitated, then added, “If she asks for anything else, you can use your judgement depending on her behaviour. If you’re unsure, you have my number.”

Charlie nodded and turned back to his cooking. “Thank you, Kieran.”

Kieran left the kitchen to head out, almost running into Caleb coming down the stairs. The beta stopped to let him by, nodding respectfully. “Good morning, Kieran.”

“Morning, Caleb,” Kieran said in return. “You’re up early.”

“Have to catch up on some things at the office.” There was no irritation, no pointed reminder that Kieran was the one who’d pulled him out of work last night.

He nodded. “Charlie’s just started breakfast, if you think you have time to wait.”

“It’s tempting, but... I have to be at work in half an hour.” He hesitated. “Unless you think it’s better if I eat, Kieran.”

Kieran wasn’t sure if he was supposed to be alarmed or proud that Caleb was willing to be late to work on Kieran’s say-so. Either way, he shook his head. “No. Just make sure you get _something_ to eat, before eight thirty.” He knew all too well about forgetting breakfast and only realizing come lunch that he was starving.

Caleb nodded. “Yes, Kieran. I promise.”

He smiled. “Good.” Heading for the foyer, he paused for a moment and then turned into the office instead and went over to the wall safe to get the CD he’d left in there last night, slipping it into his briefcase. He had an errand to run after work. Then he left the house and drove off to the school where he taught human teenagers Science.

Fridays were short days, with only two classes, and as long as he _did_ grade the essays the second year class were to hand in this morning, it didn’t matter if he started today or during the weekend. So he’d be able to leave fairly early. Well, depending on how you looked at it. Coming in at seven and leaving at four or thereabouts still made it a full eight-hour day.

As it turned out, it was almost half past four when Kieran finally packed up the papers he’d need to grade. For a minute or two, he stared down at the CD case, wondering if he was doing the right thing or not. Then he shook his head, knowing he had little choice in the matter, closed his briefcase and headed out to his car.

The drive to Devotion was short, and all too soon he stood in front of the club for the second day in a row, hesitating to go inside. This time, there was no bouncer outside – probably too early for that – and he wondered if they were even open yet, but when he tried the door it opened easily.

Inside, the club was a lot different than it had been yesterday. It was well-lit, for one, and the volume of the music in the background was well below conversation level. Even from where he stood, he could see a few people sitting around talking, some of them with a submissive kneeling at their feet. He didn’t have time to take more than one or two steps toward the room, however, before he was stopped by a guy in leather. “Sorry, sir. Members only before eight on Fridays.” He then frowned lightly, looking Kieran up and down. “Hold on. I recognize you... You a new member?”

“I’m not,” Kieran said, “but I was here yesterday.” He was just about to explain his reason for being there when the man’s expression cleared.

“Oh yeah! You left with Nick, didn’t you? How the hell did you manage that? He’s one of the best tops here; never thought I’d see him subbing for anyone, no offence.”

Kieran smiled. “None taken, rather the opposite.” After all, he imagined, it’d take someone pretty strong to make a ‘top’ submit. Then he sobered. “Unfortunately, I’m here about a matter of club security, regarding your surveillance.” Alarm and anger flooded the other man’s scent, his face reddening as it developed a scowl, but there was no sense of guilt. This man didn’t have anything to do with it. Before he had a chance to interrupt, Kieran continued. “Last night I found out that someone had got hold of a recording of Nicholas and... Kendra, I believe her name was, and was intending to use it to blackmail Nicholas.” It wasn’t strictly true, of course, but it was the best he’d come up with without risking betraying the pack to humans.

The anger erupted into fury, but the man took a step back rather than forward; Kieran wasn’t the target of his emotions. “If you’ll please wait here, sir,” he said stiffly, “I’ll go find Lady Neassa for you.” He spun on his heel and marched off into the club, vanishing through a door on the opposite side of the bar from the one Kieran had followed Nicholas through yesterday.

Barely five minutes later, the door opened again, and Kieran could see the man returning. “Lady Neassa will see you immediately in her office, sir,” he said once he reached Kieran. “Please follow me.”

Kieran didn’t bother looking around as he followed the... whatever he was... back to that door. As he came closer he saw it was clearly labelled ‘Staff Only’. He didn’t hesitate to enter when it was opened, taking in the hallway on the other side. The wall closest to him was taken up almost completely by a sturdy door that Kieran guessed was a shortcut to the public back rooms. He followed the human down the corridor, past two doors before they stopped in front of the third one. His guide knocked and then opened the door without waiting for an answer. Stepping aside, he motioned Kieran inside.

The woman behind the desk in the room wore her red hair in an elaborate up-do that vaguely reminded Kieran of geisha girls in movies and somehow seemed to defy gravity. Her face, dramatically made up in dark colours, was serious as she stood up. Kieran tried not to stare at her impossibly narrow, corseted waist as he stepped forward and took the hand she held out to him. He was very careful to match her firm grip, not wanting her to think he was trying to push her around. “I’m Neassa Byrne, co-owner and manager of Devotion,” she said. Her manner clearly marked her as a human alpha. No, a dominant, he corrected himself.

“Kieran O’Neill,” he introduced himself.

She looked at him oddly at that, both surprised and suspicious, but only asked, “Can I offer you anything to drink? Water? A mineral? Tea or coffee?” It didn’t pass Kieran by that she made no mention of alcoholic beverages, nor had Nicholas offered Derek anything other than water or soft drinks yesterday. Was it some custom here? It seemed strange for a club that obviously sold alcohol, but on the other hand he had to admit that it wasn’t exactly the usual kind of night club to begin with.

“No thank you,” he politely declined her offer, wondering why his name should bring on that kind of reaction. “Not at the moment.”

She nodded. “You can return to your post, Murchadh.”

“Yes, my lady,” the leather-clad human said in a polite tone that bordered on subservient. The door closed, and Kieran could hear his steps receding down the hallway.

“Please, Mr. O’Neill, have a seat,” Neassa said with a gesture to the more comfortable-looking chair of the two across from her.

Kieran sat, placing his briefcase temporarily in his lap to take out the disc before setting it down by his feet. Leaning forward, he slid the CD across the desk. “This belongs to you.” She gave him a hard stare, but said nothing. She didn’t have to, as her scent filled with suspicion and carefully contained anger. “I haven’t watched it other than to ascertain that the content is indeed of Nicholas Teague and a woman I’ve been told is called Kendra.”

She kept her eyes on him, didn’t even glance at the disc in front of her. “And how did you come to have it?”

This was the tricky part, where he had to say enough to satisfy the woman but not so much that she started asking awkward questions. “I took it off the man who wanted to use it against Nicholas,” he said. He didn’t know how well she could smell honesty – humans rarely could, though some were more skilled than others – but either way he wasn’t about to lie to her. Not when he didn’t have to. “How _he_ got hold of it, however, I don’t know.” Kieran might have his suspicions that Samantha had something to do with it, but until he knew for certain he wasn’t about to reveal that she even _knew_ James.

“I see.” She was clearly dissatisfied with the answer, judging by the sour tone of her scent. “And your reason for coming here with it today?”

“I have several reasons for being here. First of all, because you deserve to know you have a potential security breach. I may have dealt with this particular situation, but however this disc ended up outside the club, it certainly wasn’t by magic. I assumed you would prefer to choose how to deal with it.”

She looked at him for a few seconds more before nodding once and sitting down. “You assumed correctly. I do appreciate your discretion. Rest assured I will get to the bottom of this.” Her lips quirked into a smile, the hard look in her eyes making it look dangerous rather than friendly. “Literally.”

Literally? Kieran ran through what she’d said again, and then it clicked. Oh. “Thank you,” he said, pretending it hadn’t taken him that long to figure it out.

“You said there were several reasons that brought you here. That was one, I assume. What of the rest?”

“Well... To be honest, I need help.” He hated having to admit that to a human, even if she would have made an excellent alpha. She arched one elegant eyebrow at him, silently asking him to explain. “Yesterday, I found myself... the sudden master of... a submissive.” He needed to remember the correct term for it, couldn’t call Nicholas an omega around humans. “The problem is that while I want to be able to give him what he needs, I know close to nothing about all this.” He stared her straight in the eyes. “I need to learn.”

For a few moments, she was quiet. Then she sighed. “Normally, I would have found it very difficult to believe. I assume you’re talking about Nicholas?” Kieran nodded. “He’s very popular at this club, you know, but he’s only shown interest in being the dominant partner in scenes. In private, however, I’ve now and then had a sense that he’s been... looking for something else.”

Kieran sighed as well. “I’ve known him for about four months now. Yesterday he told me that ever since he met me, he’s wanted to be mine. That’s why he’s been playing dominant here, because he didn’t feel it would be right to submit to someone else. But to him... he says it’s always been about giving the other person what they need, it’s just that the people he’s been with has needed a different kind of service.”

She gazed at him, tapping her index finger thoughtfully against the desk. “I see. And now you feel... obligated?”

He frowned. “How do you mean?” Of course he felt obligated. Nicholas was his, and he needed to take care of him.

“You do know that he’s listed you as his next-of-kin in the membership application, don’t you?” Kieran blinked. He hadn’t known that, no, though it wasn’t too surprising; if anything did happen to Nicholas, it would be his responsibility as pack leader to deal with it. “Is that why you’re here? What is it you want from him? Are you even interested in him that way?”

Kieran bit back an angry growl before it could escape completely. “He’s mine!” he snapped. He reminded himself that there was no way she’d be able to take Nicholas away from him even if she tried, and gentled his tone as much as he could – which, admittedly, wasn’t that much. He needed to explain, needed her to understand what it was he was asking from her, why he was here. “I’ve never wanted this. Frankly, much of what I saw yesterday... comes too close to abuse for my comfort. It frightens me that Nicholas feels he needs this, makes me worry that something in his past has made him feel... inadequate, or something.” He held up his hand to stop her from interrupting. “No, don’t. I know, intellectually, that it’s not true. But it’s difficult to change something I’ve been thinking for so long. I’m going to have to learn to accept it.” He hesitated for a heartbeat or two. “Learn to accept myself. That I like seeing him on his knees in front of me. That I like that he’s willing to obey me to such a degree. That I want to be able to give him what he needs. If I didn’t want that, I wouldn’t have asked for help.” Her scent had changed; the edges of it were softer, not as suspicious or aggressive. “As for why I’m his next-of-kin... He doesn’t have any contact with his family that I know of, and...” Well, there was no way she wouldn’t realize, later on, that Kieran’s address was the same as Nicholas. “Well, I guess you could see me as his landlord, as he’s been staying in my house since he moved here.” He sighed. “Which was part of why I never realized how he felt about me; I never expected anything more than a friendly relationship between us. Fraternal, at most.”

She didn’t say anything for a while, but Kieran wasn’t worried. Based on how relaxed she was, he already knew he’d passed her test, even if he wasn’t sure exactly what it had entailed. “Are there more reasons for your visit?” she asked then.

“Yes. For one, to inform you that Nicholas isn’t going to come by as often for the next two months or so.” It was difficult to tell her these things, though her calmly dominant manner made it somehow easier than he’d feared before meeting her. As if part of him _knew_ she’d understand, that she wouldn’t judge him. “We had a long conversation last night, and because he decided to lie to me, because he came here instead of being honest, I am forbidding him to enter Devotion – or any similarly themed place – for an equal amount of time that he’s been here instead of with me. Unless, of course, I am with him.” He smelled frustration from her, and assumed it was because he was keeping him from her club. “He agreed that it was fair,” he pointed out. “But related to that, I was informed on arrival here that you have certain times when the club is limited to members only.” She nodded once, her scent sharp, ready to take offence. “So I would like to ask how one becomes a member of your club.” He wasn’t going to ask for membership right away. He wasn’t ready for that, not yet. If she required it before he’d be allowed to learn, that was one thing, but it was equally probable that she’d require him to have learned before allowing it, in which case she wouldn’t consider him ready for it either.

“I will be equally frank with you, Mr. O’Neill. Normally, I wouldn’t consider you for membership at all. One of our requirements is that members – especially our dominants – have enough experience that we can feel safe allowing them into our play rooms. They also need to be vetted by providing us with two real life scene references. You lack the former, and while I won’t bar Nicholas from being one of your references just because–” She cut herself off and frowned. “Of course, you’re not likely to have entered into a contract, if you’re unfamiliar with the scene. Either way, you’d need a second reference.”

Contract? Kieran pushed that question aside; he could ask it later. “Technically, I might have more, since I know three others who are at least regulars, if not members.” Not that he’d ask Samantha right now. “But you’re entirely correct that I lack the experience. If you can help me find someone willing to teach me what I need to know to take care of Nicholas’ needs, I would like that person to be my second referral.” To be honest, he wasn’t entirely sure why he was asking for a membership, other than to be able to easier take Nicholas here when he deserved that reward. But it didn’t feel entirely right either to ask Neassa for training and then turn his back on her club after that. So, he told himself, if he didn’t run away screaming before learning even half of what he felt he needed, he’d allow his... teacher or mentor or whatever they called it, to judge when and if he was ready.

She gave him another firm nod. “I will ask around to see if I can find someone willing. However, I will tell you right now that you will have to read up on most of the theory on your own. The internet is filled with information.” She flipped open a notepad to a blank page and slid it across her desk together with a pen. “But I do understand that it might be difficult to sort all that information and figure out which of it to ignore. If you write down your email, I will provide you with a list of terms we will expect you to know when you come here next, as well as a few places where you might start, where you wouldn’t get misleading or incorrect information. And I will also have a way to contact you once I find an instructor for you. Is this acceptable?”

He smiled and took the pen. “Very. Thank you, Ms. Byrne.” He wrote down his email address, as well as his mobile number. “I may not answer during the day,” he said as he handed the pen and pad back. “Since I do not allow my students to have their phones on during class outside of emergencies, I impose the same rule on myself.”

“Students?”

“Yes. I teach junior cycle Science.”

“I see.” He could almost feel the wheels in her head turning, probably making adjustments to her assessment regarding his personality. “Well, I’d like to say it was a pleasure meeting you, Mr. O’Neill, but I guess we’ll have to see how things turn out, won’t we?” She stood up, signalling clearly that the meeting was at its end. “I need to prepare for a demonstration soon. You’re welcome to stay and watch, if you like.”

Kieran blinked, standing up as well but not accepting the offer right away. “What kind of demonstration?” he asked instead.

“Suspension. That is, the practice of suspending someone above ground. In this particular case, I’m referring to hook suspension, meaning the rigging will be attached to the person by hooks inserted into their skin.”

Kieran stared at her. She couldn’t be serious. Sure, skin could be very tough and resilient, depending on where on the body it was, but... tough enough to support your entire body weight? But nothing in her expression or scent suggested she was pulling his leg. “I... don’t know,” he said. Then he took a deep breath. What if this was something Nicholas enjoyed? He should at least make the effort to learn more about it. He swallowed. “No, if you’re offering, then I should take the opportunity to begin learning, begin understanding. Thank you.”

“You’re welcome.” She picked up the CD case and rounded her desk, revealing shapely legs encased in shiny latex tights and a pair of knee-high boots that added at least four inches to her height. “Come on, then, I’ll take you back to the main room.”

She didn’t wait for his response before striding past him and pulling the door open. Kieran grabbed his briefcase and followed her, closing the door behind him. Unlike before when he’d followed the other human, Murchadh, into the staff area, there was nothing deferential about Neassa’s manner. It was more like when Kieran had led his pack out back, or when he hadn’t looked to make sure Nicholas was following him. It grated, having to be second to a _human_ , but he set his jaw firmly and reminded himself that technically, she was the alpha of this club and he had entered her territory and asked for her help. That put her in a position of power over him, whether he liked it or not.

“Go on out,” she said with a nod toward the door he remembered leading to the public parts of the club. “The demonstration is scheduled to start at half past five.” He nodded his thanks to her and went through the door, holding it open for her. She shook her head. “I’ll be out later.”

For a moment, Kieran wondered why, but then he caught sight of the CD in her hand again. Right. “I look forward to the presentation,” he said politely, though he would much rather like to escape the club immediately, and let the door fall shut. He turned around, taking a deep breath to steady himself, and froze.

Following the scent that had reached him, he headed toward the stage where a couple of people were busy rigging up some kind of contraption, a large metal frame, hanging in sturdy chains from somewhere up in the ceiling. An electric lift of some kind, he assumed, but that wasn’t what had drawn him.

One of the men working stiffened, his scent filling with alarm. After a second or two, he finished with what he was doing and slowly climbed down from the stepladder. Turning around to face Kieran, he slowly approached and jumped off the stage, lowering his eyes to the floor.

“Explain please, Peter,” he said, keeping his tone polite since they were in public.

“I’m sorry, Kieran,” Peter responded. “I’d already promised Lady Neassa – she’s the manager of the club – that I’d help her with a demonstration today.” Kieran didn’t mention he already knew who Neassa was. “I... didn’t expect you to turn up here, though.”

“It was the polite thing to do. I needed to inform them of their security breach, and I also took the chance to tell them that Nicholas won’t be here for a while.” He glanced up at the lift, took in how the lines hung down almost to the floor of the stage. “I’m not upset that you’re here, just surprised.” He didn’t really know why he should have been surprised, since he already knew Peter was a repeat customer here, but... he supposed he’d expected both him and Benjamin to have stayed away after what happened yesterday. “So what’s your role in this demonstration?”

“Just assisting, helping make sure everything goes as smoothly as possible. Medical assistance if necessary.” While Peter worked as a vet’s assistant, he was almost a fully trained nurse, so that actually made sense.

“Hm. Might stay and watch, then. See what it’s all about.” Maybe it was mean of him, pretending he hadn’t already been invited. The chilled panic from Peter half amused him and half made him regret made him regret his casual statement.

“A-are you sure you want to? It’s not... I mean...”

“Relax, Peter. The lady already invited me to watch and told me what would happen.” He sighed. “Nicholas has needs, and I have to start learning more about this world so I can take care of him better. That’s also part of my visit here.” He narrowed his eyes at the gamma, then. “But I would appreciate it if you didn’t let Nicholas know about it. I will tell him, in my own time.”

Understanding had washed over Peter’s face and scent by then, and he nodded. “I won’t, Kieran.” He hesitated, then went on, “And Kieran? Thank you. For being so understanding, for being willing to help him.”

Kieran snorted. “What kind of... man would I be if I didn’t? Just because I’m in charge doesn’t mean I don’t have any responsibilities toward him, toward you all.” He wasn’t going to pretend it’d be easy, but he couldn’t just _ignore_ everything that made Nicholas the omega he was. What made him _Nicholas_.

Peter smiled, almost as in approval. “Even so, thank you.” He glanced back over his shoulder. “If you’ll excuse me, I need to go back to the preparations.”

Kieran nodded. “Go ahead.” He couldn’t help but smile as Peter almost ran back, clearly relieved to be out of his immediate scrutiny. Crossing over to the bar, he ordered himself a coke. Sure, he wouldn’t have minded a beer or two, but while his werewolf metabolism would burn the alcohol out a lot faster than a human’s would, it would draw attention if he went to his car to drive home only a short while later.

Finding himself a table, he sat down to wait, wondering how Neassa’s inquiries were going, if she’d found her guilty party already or not. Unfortunately, it didn’t seem like he was going to be allowed to be left alone until the demonstration started, as two men approached his table.

“May we join you?” the older of them asked. Kieran studied the man for a few moments, took in his entirely black and slightly military attire; knee-high leather boots, black dress uniform trousers and a double-breasted jacket. He flicked his eyes to the other of them, who appeared to be wearing only a pair of leather trousers – and a heavy silver chain around his neck with an almost military tag hanging from it, though from this distance Kieran couldn’t make out the words etched on it.

“Go ahead,” he answered. He wasn’t really that keen on company, but if he wanted to learn how to best take care of Nicholas he’d better make an effort to get to know the humans here. “I’m Kieran.”

“My name’s Aindriú, and this is Declan,” the older man said as he sat down. Declan, on the other hand didn’t grab a chair but only knelt down on the floor on the other side of Aindriú, leaning against his master’s leg. There was little else their relationship could be. Kieran had little clue if there were any social protocols regarding how to act around someone else’s submissive, but to be on the safe side he decided to treat Declan as if he was something in between another werewolf’s mate and how he wanted others to deal with Nicholas: He focused his attention on Aindriú. Which seemed to be working well, judging by the lack of negative reaction from the dominant human. “I haven’t seen you here before,” he said now. “Are you a new member?”

“Not yet,” Kieran admitted. “To be honest, what I know about all of this could probably fit on a single page.” The dominant was frowning lightly, as if wondering what the hell Kieran was doing here if he wasn’t a member and barely had any experience. Kieran sighed lightly; it wasn’t precisely a secret, just something he still wasn’t comfortable talking about. “It’s... complicated,” he started. “But to make a long story short, I’ve ended up with a submissive in my care, and... Even if I’m not entirely comfortable with it, with wanting it, this kind of thing is what he needs and deserves.” In his care. It hadn’t been what he’d wanted to say, but something inside him had screamed in panic at the thought of even mentioning ‘owning’ Nicholas, not with two people he didn’t know at all. Not when he was trying to abbreviate the story as much as possible. “Lady Neassa has offered to help me in this, and invited me to stay for the demonstration.” People seemed to refer to her by that title here, and who knew? Maybe it was some kind of ‘official’ thing because she was the manager? Kieran didn’t know how these kinds of... how BDSM clubs worked.

Aindriú had remained silent during all of this, and though his scent sharpened faintly with suspicion he kept his silence until he seemed to understand that Kieran wasn’t going to say anything more. “I’m not going to ask for any details if you’re not comfortable talking about it, but... I have to admit I’m curious. You said he needs this, not that he wants it.” The edge of suspicion had grown stronger as he spoke, and now Kieran could hear a quiet gasp from Declan and a spike of alarm.

Kieran frowned, then anger surged up inside him as he realized what they had to be thinking. He swallowed it down again, refused to let it grip him. It wasn’t their fault, and he refused to take offence over something he would just as easily have thought if he’d heard the same story. “Yes,” he acknowledged, deciding to explain, part of him needing them to understand. “Yesterday... He _begged_ me to punish him for... something he thought I should be upset over. Until I agreed to try, he was miserable. But I... I can’t make _him_ teach me how to... spank him, or all the other things I know he wants me to do. He’s already tried to argue that he doesn’t want me to do anything I don’t want to do, that... that it’s not his place to ask that of me. If I turn around all the time and ask him what I should do... it wouldn’t make him happy, and it wouldn’t make me happy.”

“He’s more experienced, then?” Aindriú’s scent had calmed down a little, though there was still a faint tinge of worry.

Kieran couldn’t help the brief laugh that escaped him. “Oh, yeah. Admittedly that’s not difficult, but I’m fairly confident Nicholas was _born_ submissive.”

He didn’t realize he’d mentioned Nicholas’ name for the first time, not until Declan gasped again, scent bright with understanding and disbelief, and must have done something to make Aindriú lean over him. The soft mumble was clearly audible to Kieran’s ears. “I think he’s talking about Nick, sir. I heard Nick mention a Kieran once or twice. Seems like too much of a coincidence.”

“Sure?” he heard Aindriú mumble back and took a sip of his cola to pretend to be busy while they talked in ‘private’.

He just barely saw Declan shake his head, a brief movement mostly hidden behind his master’s torso. “No, sir, not at all. It’s just, the coincidence... How many Kieran-Nicholas pairs do you think there are? How many would come here?”

Aindriú straightened, leaving his hand to rest on Declan’s head. “Nicholas, you said?” he asked in a normal tone, all too bland.

Kieran sighed. “Yes, I suppose I did. And yes, you most likely know him.”

For a moment, the two humans held their breath. Then the dominant one spoke again. “I think you must be mistaken; the Nicholas we know is not submissive.”

“I said it’s a long story. Apparently he’s been thinking of himself as mine for a couple of months, but since he thought I’d never want that, he’s been... playing here. Except he didn’t think it would be right to submit to someone else when he was mine, so he’s been... well, pretending to be dominant, I suppose.”

“Service top?” Aindriú wondered, seemingly half to himself. “I wouldn’t have thought that. He’s always seemed so very... dominant.”

Huh, so there was a term for what Nicholas had been doing? Or had he explained things badly and caused the human to misunderstand him? Kieran opened his mouth to ask more about that when his ears picked up the distinct sound of high heels clacking against the stage floor and Neassa’s scent reached him. He looked up and saw her approach the edge of the stage. Behind her, next to the lines hanging from the lift, a naked man was kneeling calmly, his gaze resting on the floor between his knees. Peter and a woman were standing even further back, outside the edges of the spotlight. Aindriú turned to look once he realized where Kieran’s attention were, and he nudged Declan.

“Stand up, boy, or you won’t see anything,” he said gently, and Declan immediately obeyed, taking up position half a step behind Aindriú’s shoulder, just in time for Neassa to open her mouth.

“Welcome,” she said, her voice cutting through the rapidly diminishing buzz of conversations. It only took another five seconds or so until the entire room waited in silence for her next words. “Tonight, with the help of Brennan, I will be giving you a brief glimpse into the world of suspension. As you can see, he’s excited to be part of this.” At that, and at hearing a few chuckles over her joke, Kieran’s gaze almost involuntarily slid to the kneeling man, the burgeoning erection between his legs proving what his scent already had hinted of. Neassa herself was almost tense with expectation, with what Kieran assumed to be a need to ensure everything went fine.

“Suspension is more commonly done with restraints here at Devotion,” Neassa went on. “But tonight, the only leather to take the strain of Brennan’s weight will be his own. Keep in mind that this generally falls under RACK, and should never be done if you don’t know what you’re doing, without someone experienced involved in the process, since the risk of something going horribly wrong is larger than you might think. As I’ll run the added risk of being distracted by addressing you, I will have two others to help me keep track of everything.”

Peter and the unknown woman took a step forward into the light, nodding politely in greeting to the audience. After a couple of seconds they both stepped back into the shadows again, making it clear that they weren’t there to participate. Just to watch. Kieran tensed up to quench the shiver that ran down his back as his brain automatically compared it to his own watching-not-participating last night. He had no idea what rack Neassa was talking about, though judging by the rest of what she’d said he assumed it implied riskier practices. Probably some kind of acronym.

“As you might expect, there are several medical conditions that would make this type of suspension extremely risky. High or low blood pressure, heart conditions and bleeding disorders such as haemophilia are the more obvious ones, but other conditions such as epilepsy, immune deficiencies and even diabetes could make someone unsuitable for this type of experience.” There was a quiet murmur from one group of people, but it was too far away for even Kieran’s ears to pick up any words. “I ask you all to not interfere with the demonstration,” Neassa went on. “Questions will be answered afterwards.” She smiled, then turned toward the kneeling man. “Lie down, Brennan,” she instructed. The man immediately shifted position until he was flat on his front underneath the raised metal frame, obviously knowing already what she had planned as the command hadn’t held any information regarding front or back.

Kieran swallowed as Neassa walked over to the prone man. Why had he ever agreed to watch this? Nicholas, he reminded himself. It was all for Nicholas. Doing his best to pretend he wasn’t as disturbed as he was, he looked on as the club’s manager knelt down on the floor. He could do this, he lied to himself, gathering his courage to watch the rest of the demonstration.


	15. Chapter 15

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Real life kidnapped me for a while... But on the bright side, that also means I have two chapters to give you right now, even if the first of them is a short one =)

_Nicholas_

 

The immediate feeling when he heard the door open and Kieran’s scent a couple of seconds after started to drift into the house was one of relief. Kieran had come back. Not that Nicholas had doubted it, not as such, but he’d been gone for so long that it had been impossible not to worry. Then guilt and shame followed closely on the heels of his relief as he remembered that it wasn’t to _him_ Kieran had come back, that the alpha most likely wouldn’t want to even talk to him. So instead of venturing out into the rest of the house he stayed where he was, stuffed the rest of the wet laundry into the dryer and turned to load the next batch into the washing machine.

To be honest, he was grateful to Charlie for keeping him busy almost all day. First he’d been doing the dishes, then the floors, then gone around all the rooms and changing the linens. He’d forced himself to save Kieran’s room for last, forced himself not to get lost in the scent or, perish the thought, throw himself on the bed and roll around in it, and then, after putting them in the washer, forced himself to wash off any remaining scent on his body. Since then, there’d been at least five loads – he had to confess he’d lost count since one was much like the other – in between which he’d ironed and folded the clean, helped Charlie with lunch and, because Charlie had nothing left for him to do, polished all the dress shoes.

He was in panic mode, and he knew that. Trying so hard to keep busy just so he wouldn’t have to stop and think. To feel all his loneliness and emptiness. To forget, just for a few moments at a time, how bad he’d been.

Nicholas groaned then, as he reached that inevitable conclusion, and picked up the notepad and pen again. Only the first day, and he’d already filled two pages. He dreaded showing it to Kieran, just _knew_ he’d be so disappointed. At the same time, he hoped Kieran would ask for it, wanted to prove he hadn’t tried to hide any mistakes he’d made, wanted... Wanted forgiveness. And he wouldn’t be forgiven if he didn’t confess his mistakes, would he? So no matter how much he dreaded it, he knew he’d hand the notebook over without protest. Part of him hoped he wouldn’t have to be around while Kieran read it, but he figured it wouldn’t be that easy.

“Welcome home, Kieran,” he heard Mathias say from the living room. The greeting was echoed by Aidan. The two had barely left each other’s side the whole time they’d been home, as if Kieran acknowledging their wish to mate had made things official on a whole different level. There was a pause, though Nicholas didn’t hear Kieran say anything, and then Mathias went on, “If we may, pack leader, we’d like to talk to you.”

Nicholas held his breath, his every sense trained on the living room. “After dinner,” Kieran said then, his voice washing over Nicholas like a tidal wave, drowning him in want and need. “Where is everybody?”

“Langdon and Benjamin are upstairs, Caleb’s in his room doing some paperwork, Kelly and Peter haven’t come home just yet.” Kelly was understandable; she’d started work late, so she was probably still there or on her way back. But Peter? Where... Oh. Fuck. Nicholas had forgotten what day it was. Friday. Peter was probably still at Devotion. Nicholas would have been, too, if this hadn’t happened. He’d been looking forward to the demonstration. “Charlie took off for a short shift at the garage; he should be back within an hour or so. Donna’s checking up on Samantha. Jeremy’s doing some homework in the office, and Nicholas is doing laundry.”

Wincing guiltily, Nicholas finished dosing up the washer with detergent and softener and started it before heading out from the utility room at the back of the kitchen. He couldn’t very well hide in there the rest of the evening. Not without having to admit to himself that he was hiding, which meant yet another thing to write up. He wished he could leave the notepad behind, at least, but he didn’t want to risk Kieran asking for it and being unable to present it as promptly as he should.

The three turned their heads as he entered the kitchen and came into sight. “Welcome home, Kieran,” he said softly, keeping his eyes on the floor but refraining from dropping to his knees even though he desperately wanted to. Kieran didn’t want him to, he reminded himself, or he wouldn’t have threatened to remove that privilege.

Kieran didn’t respond to his greeting, at least not vocally, but there was the faint sound of hair brushing against clothes, suggesting the alpha might have nodded. “I’ll be in my study until dinner, grading papers. When Charlie comes home, tell him I want to talk to him.”

Was Kieran talking to Nicholas? He risked a quick glance up, only to find that Kieran was looking at Mathias and Aidan. His chest tightened with disappointment, despite reminding himself that it was only to be expected.

“Sure, Kieran,” Mathias answered, and all three of them watched Kieran cross the living room and enter his private domain before Aidan turned a soft and all too sympathetic gaze to Nicholas. Unable to face that pity, Nicholas tore his eyes from Kieran’s closed door and turned to go back to the laundry. The load he’d recently taken from the dryer needed to be ironed and put away, after all, and what else could he do?

Unfortunately, he didn’t make it very far.

“Give it a rest, Nicholas.” Mathias didn’t sound very strict, but it was clearly an order. “From what I understand, you’ve done almost an entire week’s worth of chores in just one day.”

Reluctantly, Nicholas stopped and turned back to face them. “What else did I have to do?” he asked softly. He hoped neither of them would give the correct answer to that question, that his day would have been better spent thinking about what he’d done wrong, and what he could do in the future to prevent it from happening again.

“You’ll make the rest of us look bad,” Aidan said instead, and despite the light-hearted tone in the gamma’s voice Nicholas couldn’t help but feel momentarily guilty. “Just come sit down for a while. Watch Saving Ryan’s Privates with us; it’s starting in just a couple of minutes.”

Nicholas assumed he meant Saving Private Ryan instead of the parody short film, but nevertheless padded over to the sofa and eased his behind down. Fortunately – or unfortunately, depending on how you looked at it – he wasn’t nearly as sore as he’d been that morning, and the cushions were soft enough that it wasn’t even that uncomfortable to sit down. He smiled a little at the other two, pretending he wasn’t as reluctant to watch the film as he was. While no werewolf was entirely vanilla, due to the heightened hierarchal instincts they all had, Mathias and Aidan was as vanilla they could get; if they suspected he was only here because he’d been ordered to, it’d probably just upset them, and Nicholas didn’t want that.

It was, however, all but impossible to focus on the film. With Kieran so close, only separated from them by a flimsy door, Nicholas found his thoughts repeatedly escaping to what had happened last night behind that door. To why he was sat here now, instead of on his knees next to Kieran’s desk, ready to follow any given command.

A hand touched his shoulder, and he flinched away before realizing it hadn’t been a forbidden touch. But by then it was too late and Aidan had already retreated to Mathias’ side again, smelling guilty and sad, Mathias’ scent fiercely protective. “Sorry,” Aidan mumbled.

Nicholas shook his head. “No, I’m sorry. You surprised me, that’s all. I didn’t mean to upset you.” He looked over at the telly, realizing they were somewhere in the middle of a commercial break. He hadn’t even noticed. “I was... lost in thought.”

“Whatever they were,” Mathias said gently, relaxing once more, “they can’t have been good ones. Want to talk about it?”

Nicholas hesitated, then shook his head. “It’s nothing important. Just... thinking about yesterday.” Then he could have hit himself for bringing it up, as the mood in the room suddenly plunged.

“Right.” Mathias swallowed. “That’d explain it.” He pulled Aidan in closer and hugged the gamma tightly, nibbling lightly at an ear tip in an obvious attempt to soothe the distress rolling off of him. “Shh, Aidan,” he whispered. “It’s fine. Nothing’s going to happen to me.” Nicholas’ guilt increased, remembering just what Aidan and Mathias must have gone through, emotionally. If he had to watch Kieran submit to a judging, without knowing whether he’d come out of it alive or not, if any attempt to interfere would _ensure_ he wouldn’t live...

“I’m sorry, Aidan,” he whispered. This, too, was part of what he’d caused. Kieran might be right that James would have found something else to use, but if he had, Mathias and the others probably wouldn’t have ended up in the line of fire. Aidan didn’t respond, and Nicholas decided to leave the two alone. Surely without him there to remind them, it’d be easier to forget...

“Where are you going?” Mathias said, making Nicholas freeze barely a step away from the sofa.

Guiltily, Nicholas glanced back at them. They were both looking at him, now. “I... thought I’d give you some privacy.”

“Don’t,” Aidan said softly, still curled up against Mathias’ side. “I’m just being silly. And the break’s over now, anyway.”

Nicholas wouldn’t call it being silly, but nevertheless he returned to his seat. He had no idea to what degree they knew how much power they could have over him, if they realized they could order him to do pretty much anything and that, as long as it didn’t contradict a previous order, he’d do it. Normally, a pack would be fully aware of it. His childhood pack had been, though things had rarely turned sexual there even with the adult omegas. His first adult pack definitely had been, and sex had been all but a daily routine with them. But Kieran’s pack... they were so different from that, and even after four months with them Nicholas wasn’t sure if anything he’d learned from childhood and up was still true. And even after four months, Nicholas couldn’t quite tell if anyone – other than maybe the three other Devotion members – really noticed Nicholas’ compliance to every order given, no matter how nicely phrased it was.

He did his best to focus on the film, knowing it would make Aidan and Mathias happy, but even before the next commercial break his concentration was wavering. More than half an hour into the film, and they still had barely made it off that beach. Although... while he wasn’t really a fan of military films he supposed he could sympathize with the whole having to obey orders thing. With the right alpha – or superior officer, he supposed – he’d probably make a decent soldier. He might not have the same physical abilities as a beta or even a gamma, statistically speaking, but... physical abilities weren’t always what was most important. Just look at that corporal; clearly an omega, judging by his personality, but highly necessary thanks to his particular skills.

The front door opened then, and Peter stepped inside, smelling of blood and sweat. Nicholas wanted to jump up and run over, but forced himself to be patient.

“May I go talk to Peter?” he asked, hoping one of them would say yes.

“’Course you can,” Mathias told him, though Nicholas didn’t miss the temporary squeezing of Aidan’s shoulder. But it wouldn’t have mattered if Aidan _had_ protested; Mathias was of higher rank, so his permission would have superseded Aidan’s refusal.

“Thanks,” he said, doing his best to act casual, to not make it so obvious he’d had to ask permission. Not because he himself minded, of course, but just in case it would bother the other two. Hopping off the sofa, he padded over to where Peter had just taken off his shoes. “Hey,” he said quietly. “Welcome home.”

“Hey, Nicholas,” Peter returned, giving him a brief smile and a whiff of guilt. Most likely because Peter knew Nicholas had been looking forward to tonight’s demonstration.

“How did it go? Who was the sub?”

“Brennan, and it went just fine.” His eyes flickered away briefly, and Nicholas forced himself to smile.

“It’s okay, Peter. It’s my own fault I missed it; I wouldn’t want you to miss out just because of me.”

Peter shrugged. “I know. It just... It doesn’t seem fair, you know. Samantha got her punishment, you got, well, more than your fair share, if you ask me. The rest of us?”

“Jeremy’s on probation,” Nicholas reminded, though he hoped the discussion they’d had that morning had helped Jeremy understand a bit more.

“I suppose.”

“If...” He hesitated, not knowing if it was the best recourse, but then decided to say it anyway. “If it bothers you, perhaps you ought to bring it up with Kieran? Give him a chance to consider it? He did order me to speak up if I disagreed with a punishment – or lack of one – so I suppose the same _could_ be said to apply to the rest of the pack as well.” Peter frowned, and Nicholas hurried to add, “Not that it guarantees anything; it’s still his choice. But if he doesn’t _know_ what matters to us, there’s no way for him to take it into consideration, is there?”

“I guess.”

Nicholas could understand Peter’s reluctance; it had taken him a few hours of reasoning with himself before he’d come to that same conclusion, and he still wasn’t sure he was entirely comfortable with speaking up. Fortunately, he didn’t need to be comfortable with it. Kieran had ordered him to do so if he was dissatisfied, so as long as he kept that in mind, it’d be fine. “Anyway,” he ventured. “To return to the previous topic... If you wouldn’t mind, I’d love it if you could tell me everything about the demo later on.”

Now Peter smiled. “Sure thing.” Nicholas could all but hear the unspoken ‘provided Kieran doesn’t say otherwise’, and didn’t argue with it. Kieran might have postponed any actual claiming of his omega as punishment, but Peter was just as aware as Nicholas was that it was a mere formality. And after four months of trying to tell himself not to have any hopes for more, just knowing that the claiming was coming was... both steadying and frustrating. “I’ll just go shower and change clothes before dinner.”

“Of course,” Nicholas nodded, stepping aside to let Peter reach the stairs unhindered. Then he reluctantly returned to the living room and the film that had just started up again after another commercial break.


	16. Chapter 16

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warning for brief mentions of suspension aftercare in the sixth-or-so paragraph.

_Kieran_

 

Coming home was definitely a mixed blessing. On the one hand, it was a heady feeling to draw in Nicholas’ scent and know he was home, that he – irrationally enough – hadn’t run off with someone else. On the other, he was still nervous about actually seeing the omega, having to face whatever reaction there might be to what had happened yesterday. And... He’d stopped on the way home, stripped and aired out his clothes, shaken as much of the Devotion scents from them as possible, but what if there was still enough on them and him for Nicholas to know where he’d been? It wasn’t that he was ashamed of having gone there, but he did want to keep it a secret for now.

For a little while, he’d thought he’d be safe. Then, as he was talking to Mathias and finding out where everyone was, Nicholas came out into the living room, greeting him so politely but without any of the submission he’d displayed last night. Relief, pride, disappointment and a strange sense of rejection clashed inside him, robbing him of speech for a moment, and all he could do was nod in return, just as he had with the other two wolves in the room. Unlike Mathias and Aidan, however, Nicholas kept his eyes lowered to the ground, so Kieran doubted he noticed anything other than the state of the freshly-mopped floor. Kieran, on the other hand, couldn’t help but notice the tightly clutched notepad, a pen clipped to its spiral binding. Before he could fixate on it and try to spot if it had been written in or not, he resolutely turned his attention to the other two and the business at hand.

“I’ll be in my study until dinner, grading papers. When Charlie comes home, tell him I want to talk to him.” It wasn’t that he was angry with Charlie for being at work; the beta had clearly not just run from his guard duty, not if Donna was upstairs checking on Samantha. He just wanted to know how things had gone during the day and, if he was honest with himself, ‘things’ included Nicholas. The person he couldn’t even bring himself to look at right now out of a mix of both guilt and desire. After hearing Mathias’ confirmation, he all but fled to his room, eager to take a shower and get as much work done as possible before Charlie came back home and all the distractions started.

He’d barely closed the door behind him when he froze, his nostrils flaring as he took in Nicholas’ scent in the room, fresher than it had been that morning. The omega had been in here not too many hours ago. What had he– Then he relaxed slightly as his eyes fell on the bed. Those weren’t the same linens he’d had that morning, and Mathias had said Nicholas had been doing laundry. Of course.

Part of him wanted to immediately throw himself onto his bed and draw in any remaining scent Nicholas had left on the sheets while making it, but he held back. There was plenty of time to do that later, when he’d retired for the night and wasn’t at risk to be interrupted. Besides, he needed to shower.

By the time he heard Peter get out of the taxi out front, he’d already started on the first essay. He would have offered the gamma a ride home, but whereas he’d been eager to escape the increasingly sexual tension in the club following the end of the presentation, Peter had still been busy taking care of Brennan, wiping his body off and massaging – no, brutally _squeezing_ – the air out from under his skin before dressing the puncture wounds. He could still hear the almost flatulent sounds of it; they had been audible to his ears in between the ‘questions and answers’ segments of Neassa’s demonstration, even over the grunts Brennan let off with each squeeze. Could still smell the fresh blood bubbling out with the air, only to soon after be wiped off by another swipe of one of the wet compresses Peter had used.

Unable to stand the scents and sounds, the increasingly explicit questions being asked – and answered all too candidly – Kieran had made his excuses to Aindriú and Declan before slinking out of the club with his tail between his legs. Peter, he knew, was perfectly capable of finding his own means of transport.

Shaking his head, Kieran tried to clear his thoughts and focus on his work and not on the distant sound of Peter climbing the steps to the porch, of the door opening, of Nicholas heading over to talk. Tried not to listen in to the faint mumble of voices that managed to reach him through the walls, tried to ignore them to the same level he ignored the sounds of dramatic music, gunfire and warfare from the telly. He let out a sigh of gratitude when the mumbling stopped, to be replaced by faint creaking sounds from the stairs and the closer but equally faint sounds of Nicholas returning to the sofa. Ignored the urge to call Nicholas inside just to be able to look at him, to scent him, to tear his clothes off, press him down and–

Fuck. The mental expletive was accompanied by a groan as he realized it had been the completely wrong word to use right then, if only because it didn’t exactly detract from what he wanted to do. He reminded himself firmly of the terms of this punishment, of what his part of it was. Reminded himself that Nicholas wasn’t the only one being punished, that he deserved it as well for failing so monumentally to lead his pack, to see the needs of his pack members. Reminded himself of his duties not only as alpha and master, but as teacher. That just as he was responsible for his subordinate werewolves, he was also responsible for the education of more than a few human teenagers and that he couldn’t, _wouldn’t_ , allow his basest desires to take control of him. Flipping the essay to its first page again, he started over.

Some time later, he had just started on the third one when he heard the deep, rumbling sound of Charlie’s bike pulling up outside. Swearing quietly to himself, he nevertheless did his best to keep his attention on the text before him. Partly because his pace was atrociously slow and he needed to work as hard as possible if he wanted to get through all twenty-five of them before he had to hand the graded essays back next Friday. Partly because his pride wouldn’t allow him to be caught _waiting_ for Charlie to get his arse in here.

He was on the last page when there was a knock on his door. “Come in,” he said, but didn’t look up as he heard and smelled Charlie step inside.

The beta entered the office alcove and stopped in front of the desk. “You wanted to talk to me, pack leader?” he rumbled.

“Yes.” He held up a finger, signalling Charlie to be quiet and wait, as he finished reading and started writing his comments and evaluations of the essay. Only when he was done, he set down his pen and turned his attention to the burly man in front of him. He didn’t apologize for making Charlie wait; there was no irritation in the beta’s scent, no anger at having had to wait even after having been summoned. “I want to know what’s happened while I’ve been gone today.”

Charlie shrugged. “Things have been fine,” he said, then paused, his brow furrowing slightly as he seemed to think things through. “Sorry for going off to work; too short notice not to. Had to go in for the time I couldn’t find someone to cover. I’ve managed to take time off completely next week.”

Kieran waved the excuse aside. “I understand, Charlie. I’ll ask Donna for what happened while she was in charge here.”

A brief nod. “Alright. What do you want to know?”

Everything. But Kieran couldn’t very well say that, couldn’t even start in the end he most desired to, so in the end he settled for, “How’s Samantha been behaving?”

“She’s been... good. A bit sullen and restless, especially once it became clear she couldn’t charm me into doing what she wanted, but mostly good.” Kieran snorted lightly; so she _had_ attempted to seduce her guard, just like he’d suspected she might. Apparently he’d chosen well when he picked Charlie for the job. Charlie hesitated, as if waiting to see if Kieran would say anything, but then went on, “She did make a few pointed remarks about making Nicholas ‘howl like that’ last night.”

Kieran’s face was burning now, as it dawned on him just how much the rest of the pack must have heard. While the house was solidly built, with the intention to house werewolves, it would take far more than solidity to stop sounds above conversation level from travelling. “I see,” he said, but didn’t push the issue. To be honest, he wasn’t really sure he wanted to know what Charlie – or any of the others – had thought of it. He’d done what Nicholas had needed him to do, and he’d be damned if he’d apologize for it.

“I told her that if she was that jealous, I’d be happy to inform you about it and see if you would help her out.” Kieran stared at Charlie, wondering how the beta could even _say_ that with a straight face. Charlie’s eyes narrowed slightly, and then he let out a soft sigh. “Kieran, Donna told me what happened out back, and I couldn’t _not_ hear Nicholas telling us how he was scared of you refusing to punish him. I’m not going to claim I understand; I’m not an omega. But he is. He’s our omega and if that’s what he wants and needs, I’m not going to let anyone ridicule him for it.”

Part of Kieran wanted to snarl and snap at Charlie trying to lay claim to Nicholas, but the more reasonable part of him understood the ‘our’ hadn’t been personal, no more than ‘our house’ would have implied a claim of actual ownership. So instead he nodded. “Thank you. Please, continue.”

“Right. I’ve mostly left her alone, to be honest. You told me she needs to decide whether to submit to you, to accept you as her alpha, or to stand against you and either leave the pack or die. My presence would distract her from considering that choice.”

Kieran reluctantly nodded, knowing it made sense. He’d pay her a visit at some point during the weekend, try to talk to her and see if he could figure out what she’d actually done and why. “Thank you. And the omega?” He didn’t really want to be that formal, but it was the only way he could keep his voice calm and collected, the only way he could hide his eagerness to find out what Nicholas had been up to.

“He’s been well-behaved. Called in sick, as requested, claiming he’d hurt his back last night.” Had he, indeed? It was suddenly difficult to keep his mouth from twitching into an amused grin. Charlie’s next words removed the twitch as though it had never existed. “Spent almost all of breakfast scribbling in that notebook you had me give him. Don’t think he’s spent more than ten minutes sitting down between then and when I had to leave for work; I think he’s done half a week’s chores in one day.”

“I see.” So Nicholas had been making mistakes. Not that he hadn’t been expecting the omega to mess up, but within the first few hours? He’d thought to leave reading it for later, maybe even for tomorrow, but it looked like he needed to check the state of things sooner than that. “Anything else?”

Charlie shrugged. “Not really. Like I said, he’s been well-behaved. Maybe a little bit too much, but he stopped that after I told him off.”

Kieran frowned. Nicholas had had to be told off? “What did he do?”

Again, Charlie shrugged. “Called me ‘sir’. Told him right away I didn’t care for it and that I wasn’t going to be taking your place. He was real contrite, and it’s only happened that one time.”

Sighing, Kieran shook his head. “Right. Thank you. I suppose I should have a chat with Donna as well, then.”

“I’ll tell her.” Charlie’s nostrils flared slightly. “And I’ll remind Jeremy and Langdon that they’re in charge of dinner.”

“Thank you, Charlie. Please do.”

Charlie left the room, and a minute or two later Donna knocked on his door and was let inside. The conversation with her went a lot quicker, though it left him with more questions than the one with Charlie had. She’d found Samantha quiet and at least attempting to be polite, and had allowed her a trip to the guest bathroom to shower. She’d sent Aidan for some clean clothes and had then spent an hour or so sketching up a new bike design while keeping an ear on Samantha’s room.

After Donna left, Kieran sat staring at the pile of essays on his desk. He really should do some more work. He should. But everything inside him ached to go out and find his Nicholas. Growling at himself, he grabbed the top essay from the stack and opened it to the first page.

Five minutes later, he was still staring at the very first sentence, reading it over and over without managing to make sense of it. He dragged his fingers through his hair in frustration before muttering, “Screw this.” He completely ignored his libido, echoing insidiously, _Screw Nicholas._ There was no way he’d do that, not when he’d said he wouldn’t. But he needed to know what had happened today, had to know what was going through Nicholas’ head. So, forcing himself to remain calm, he put the essay back in its pile and stood up.

The film was still going when Kieran came out into the living room and on the far side of the kitchen island dinner preparation were under way, but every wolf’s attention was drawn to him like he was a magnet.

“Omega,” he said, desperately needing the added distance of formality between them. Nicholas jumped over the back of the sofa and hurried over, staring down at the floor while every part of him screamed out his desire and eagerness to obey every command given him, no matter what it might be. Kieran didn’t say anything more, however, only held out his hand expectantly. After a second or two, the meaning of his gesture seemed to click into place in Nicholas’ mind and he swallowed as he placed the notebook in Kieran’s hand. Like he’d been instructed, he made no comment, gave no attempts at apologies. Kieran nodded, not that Nicholas could see it, and then, acutely feeling everybody’s eyes on him, turned to go back into his room. He felt more than heard Nicholas raise his foot off the floor to follow him. “Stay,” he ordered.

“Yes, pack leader,” Nicholas said promptly, setting his foot down again.

Kieran did his best to not look as though he was fleeing the room into the safety of privacy, not bothering to correct Nicholas’ use of his title rather than name. He’d set the tone, after all, when he’d used Nicholas’.

After sitting down once more, he looked at the notepad in front of him for close to a minute before he took a deep breath and opened it to the first page. For a few seconds longer, he stared at Nicholas’ neat handwriting until the words finally started to make sense.

_I caused myself pain by pressing my behind down into the mattress. I missed your touch and wanted to feel it again, wanted to remember how it felt. I stopped once I realized what I was doing but that doesn’t erase what I did._

_I walked naked to the showers and allowed Jeremy and Benjamin to see the marks on my skin. It simply didn’t occur to me until later that if I’m not allowed to be marked, it would be wrong to allow others to see those marks I cannot simply wash away. Actually, to be honest, it didn’t occur to me at all but to Benjamin, when I asked his advice on whether you would prefer me dressed or not._

_I also allowed Jeremy to touch the marks. I did tell him your rules regarding touch, and he said it’d be fine, so I’m not sure it counts, but I thought it’d be better to tell you and let you decide rather than make that decision myself. He was careful not to hurt me, more so than I had expected from him._




Kieran tried not to roll his eyes at what Nicholas had written. Yes, technically they could be construed as breaking the rules he’d given, but they were such minor mistakes that it hardly seemed worth even mentioning. “Well,” he muttered to himself, “at least I know he’s not likely to hide mistakes away.” Not if he considered those mistakes important enough to share. Well, that second one explained why Nicholas had chosen to go dressed rather than naked. It wasn’t that he wanted Nicholas naked... _Right, keep lying to yourself._ It was just that after Nicholas hadn’t bothered to get dressed after showering last night, he’d almost expected the omega to be nude now too. The question was whether Nicholas would have preferred to be naked or not if someone had asked _his_ opinion rather than Kieran’s. Shaking his head he read on, and then sucked in his breath at the next words.

_I broke the rule about discussing my old pack. I was trying to explain to Jeremy, trying to make him understand. He told me to show how I could become dominant, and in order to succeed I had to make myself forget my true self to a higher degree than usual. It shouldn’t have made me forget your rules. I didn’t even stop to think before telling him about things that happened back then._




The part of it that bothered him the most wasn’t that Nicholas had blatantly broken a specific rule. It was that he’d broken it by telling _someone else_ things from his past, and Kieran had no idea what things or if it was even something he’d been told already. What if someone else knew things about Nicholas that _Kieran_ didn’t know? Grinding his teeth, he once more combed his fingers through his hair. The urge to burst out and yank Nicholas inside and force him to tell Kieran everything he’d told Jeremy was so strong that he was standing up before he’d realized he’d moved.

Growling deep down in his belly, he clenched his hands and pressed his knuckles down onto the desk, leaning into the pressure until the pain broke through his anger and the desk itself – though solid wood – started to creak warningly. He took a deep breath and let it out in something that sounded more like a hiss than a sigh. No. He had more control than that. Even now, less than a week from full moon, he could control himself.

Pulling his chair back into position, he sat down and forced himself to read on. The least he could do was read all of it before talking to Nicholas. He’d intended not to discuss what was written in the book at all until after the fight on Wednesday night, but... Maybe he’d need to discuss it. Maybe he’d need to make some sort of daily thing where he read what had been written and addressed the issues brought up right away. Or maybe he should wait with actually addressing the issues until he knew more about what Nicholas would be expecting from him.

_I punished myself for using up too much hot water (while talking to Jeremy) by switching to cold, intending to finish my shower that way. Benjamin saw what I was doing before I realized it myself. He corrected my behaviour and ordered me to share his shower to relieve my guilt._

_I addressed Charlie as ‘sir’ when you had ordered me to act like any other member of the pack (regarding forms of address). It was not my intention to submit to him, it was a simple reflex from how more dominant members of the BDSM community are addressed._

_I’ve been hiding in chores all day, used them to forget why I’m being punished, forget you’re upset with me. Kept busy so I wouldn’t have to think. Won’t have to see. Won’t have to work on how to avoid doing it again._

_I was not as prompt as I ought to have been in welcoming you back home. I tried to hide and pretend I was busy with laundry even when it was nothing I couldn’t have left for a while. ~~I was scared~~ I wasn’t scared of  you, but of facing you. Of having to look at what I’d done wrong, of remembering how I failed you. Of wanting to see you too badly, of messing up and going to my knees and beg you to forgive me._




That was the last one. It was also the second most difficult one to read. It was too close to what Kieran himself felt... well, from the opposite direction. Kieran wanted to pull Nicholas close and tell him all was forgiven, that he was wanted and loved. Wanted to bend him down over his desk, like he’d done last night, and take Nicholas up on the offer he’d ignored. But some part of him insisted that it would be the wrong thing to do, that it would _cheapen_ everything that had happened, everything they might have between them.

Closing his eyes, he leaned back in his chair. He’d told Nicholas that he’d come up with a way to deal with the mistakes made during this punishment. The only problem was that he really had no clue about how he ought to do that. If he stepped in and set additional punishment now for what Nicholas had already written down, wouldn’t that remove the whole deal with _not_ being allowed to submit to Kieran until the punishment was over? Or would it help stabilize them, help them both to cope with it? He could refuse to punish Nicholas for these mistakes, at least for now, but would that be a good or bad thing to do?

Nicholas had told him that one of the worst punishments in the past had been to be refused punishment when it had been earned. Theoretically, he could tell Nicholas he hadn’t yet earned the right to pay for his mistakes, but... No. The mere thought made his stomach turn. He wouldn’t, _couldn’t_ , act like that, couldn’t do to him what those bastards had.

Maybe... Maybe he should just accept that for now he didn’t have enough information and knowledge on what to do, and have Nicholas make suggestions? He wasn’t too keen on that idea, to be honest; it felt wrong. Felt like he’d be showing weakness, like he wasn’t dominant enough to be what Nicholas needed.

And then he almost laughed at himself. Be what Nicholas needed? Hadn’t Nicholas also said something like that? About wanting to be what Kieran needed?

“Halfway,” he whispered into the room. He’d meet Nicholas halfway, wherever that was. For now, until Neassa had found him a teacher, he would have Nicholas help him. He’d ask Nicholas for advice, but not let the omega dictate his behaviour. Neither of them wanted that, after all. Nodding to himself, he left the notebook where it was and headed for the door to the living room.

His presence once more halted all activity, but this time he found himself frozen as well, if only for a few seconds. Instead of going back to the sofa, Nicholas was standing where he’d been left. As far as Kieran could tell, _precisely_ where he’d been left. He bit back a groan at realizing Nicholas had, once again, taken the order to stay literally.

“Inside,” he said, keeping his voice stern but quiet. He wasn’t angry, and he didn’t want Nicholas to think he was, but he wasn’t _asking_. Stepping to the side, he watched Nicholas pass him by, all but tasting the rapid thudding of the omega’s heart as it tried to fight its way out of his ribcage. Momentarily drowning in Nicholas’ scent, he almost didn’t notice the worried attention from the other wolves. Almost. He looked over toward the kitchen. “Smells good,” he commented casually. It wasn’t a lie; the aromas of the Bolognese sauce did a good job of reminding him that he hadn’t eaten since lunch, some seven hours earlier, almost as good a job as Nicholas’ scent did of reminding him he still hadn’t taken the omega. “How long?”

“Ten-fifteen minutes,” Langdon responded.

“Excellent.” He gave a final nod to them all before following Nicholas through the door and closing it firmly behind him.

Nicholas stood a few paces into the room, half facing him. Arms behind his back, head tilted just a few degrees to the side. Kieran watched him for a couple of moments, surprised to see him still on his feet. For a moment, he entertained the image of Nicholas crawling after him on all fours, but then he shook the thought away. While it was a far too intriguing picture, it wasn’t what he wanted right now. Or rather, it wasn’t something he could allow himself to want right now.

“Follow me,” he said simply before heading back into the office alcove across the room. He could hear the soft footsteps trailing him, could hear the moment when Nicholas realized where they were heading, the sharply drawn in breath making it obvious. Was he expecting another introduction to Kieran’s belt? If that was the case, he was going to be disappointed, at least for now.

Pointing at the floor in front of his desk, he waited until Nicholas stood where he wanted him to stand. Then he rounded the desk and sat down. Nicholas was no longer staring at the floor; his eyes were fastened to the open notebook. Kieran could hear him swallow.

How to start? Was there a good way of saying this? Or should he just come out and say it? Yes. “You will tell me everything you told Jeremy.”

Nicholas paled slightly. “Yes, M– my pack leader.” While it was obvious what he’d been about to say, it was a clever enough save. Kieran decided to not comment on it. “May I speak of my old pack?”

“What if I were to say no?” He wouldn’t, of course, but he had to admit he was curious. How would Nicholas handle being ordered to do something without giving him permission to do it? Kieran would have assumed the order had included permission, at least as far as talking about everything he’d already told Jeremy, but not Nicholas. It wasn’t really so strange when you thought about it, but it was still _surprising_ how proud Kieran was of the omega in that moment. He _had_ stipulated that specified permission was required, and while Nicholas had clearly not remembered that when Kieran wasn’t present he did so now.

Nicholas seemed to hesitate, the colour leeching further from his skin. He swallowed audibly again and nodded. “I understand, pack leader. Would you like all details, or would I be allowed to hold back to only what is permitted?”

Kieran frowned thoughtfully. Was he under the belief that Kieran _had_ denied him permission, or was he continuing the hypothetical scenario? With how literal-minded he’d been before, it seemed strange that he would suddenly interpret a question as a refusal. “Both. Either.” Nicholas didn’t seem to immediately connect what Kieran’s reply meant, so he went on, “I would like to know what you’d do in both cases.”

The confusion cleared. “Yes, pack leader. Kieran. If allowed to hold back, I would do so, telling you only those parts that would be permissible.” His mouth twisted into a grimace. “Which would be an incomplete answer.” He swallowed one more time. “If you wanted all details, I... would obey.” Nicholas didn’t sound happy about it, and it was obvious why. Both options led to him doing the wrong thing. Either he set himself up for punishment by withholding information, or for breaking a rule.

He smiled, and even if Nicholas didn’t see it he knew it would be audible in his voice. “Good thing, then, that I _am_ giving you permission to talk about it.” Tension left Nicholas’ body so suddenly that Kieran almost expected him to drop to the floor. “Nicholas, look at me.” The omega raised his eyes to Kieran’s face. “I wouldn’t do that to you, giving you only a choice of how to disobey. Not willingly.”

“Yes, Kieran. Thank you.” Kieran’s thought flickered back to Nicholas thanking him for not punishing him when obeying an order meant breaking protocol. What had those bastards _done_ to him, that he still thought it was something Kieran should be thanked for?

“Now tell me.”

Nicholas inhaled slowly. He didn’t lower his eyes to the floor again, showing his willingness to obey, but his eyes blanked, unfocused. Kieran didn’t ask about it, not at the moment. If it was what Nicholas needed to be able to tell him the things he’d told Jeremy, he’d allow it.

“I apologized for being in the shower when he got there. He tried to touch, and I told him not to, that you don’t share. He said he was just curious, not interested in sharing, so I informed him of your rules. No pleasure or pain from anyone else than you. He asked me if it hurt, and I wasn’t sure if he meant his touch or the marks, but I said yes, my arse hurt, because it was meant to.”

Even as Kieran was half proud and half ashamed of Nicholas’ willing admittance that yesterday’s spanking had hurt, had still been hurting this morning, he had to work to stifle a groan. Clearly, Nicholas wasn’t only intending to tell him the things he’d told Jeremy about his old pack; he was intent on giving Kieran a full walkthrough of what had been said. Nevertheless, Kieran wasn’t going to interrupt. While most of it was likely to be unimportant, he _was_ interested in how their conversation had gone. Had Nicholas managed to get through to Jeremy even a little?

He couldn’t quite keep his growl down when Nicholas admitted that Jeremy had threatened to hit him. Nicholas’ knees twitched, but he didn’t go down to the floor, only hunched his back slightly and flickered his eyes down to the desktop before looking up again. Before Nicholas could attempt any apologies, Kieran held up a hand to stop him. “Go on,” he ordered.

Shoving his anger aside, he listened as Nicholas outlined his assurances that his submissive side was real, that any omega would be able to affect dominance if it was expected. How he’d taken on his dominant mask and gone on to tell Jeremy he _wasn’t_ more dominant than the beta.

“I...” Nicholas swallowed and hesitated. Kieran didn’t offer him any help. “My old pack... I was trained to do that kind of thing. To change who I was, become whatever I was ordered to be. They never asked me to be dominant, but I spent a month on all fours, even forgetting how to speak, forgetting I had ever been able to speak. I’ve begged for things Jeremy wouldn’t want to hear about... That... that _you_ probably wouldn’t want to hear about, not because I was ordered to beg, but because I was ordered to _want_ those things, and I desired them so badly I’d have done anything for them.”

Kieran felt the blood drain from his face. “Stop,” he managed to squeeze out, and Nicholas fell silent. “Have...” He faltered, but forced himself to go on. “Has anyone ever ordered you to want... pain, to enjoy the BDSM things, to submit the way you do?” Was that why he wanted it? Because he’d been trained to want it?

Again, Nicholas hesitated, but only for a heartbeat or two. “Yes, Kieran,” he admitted then, quietly.

Kieran’s heart squeezed into a cold, hard ball. “Is... that why you want it?” Was that why Nicholas wanted Kieran? Wanted to submit to Kieran?

“No, Kieran.” No hesitation this time. It should have made Kieran feel better, but somehow it didn’t. If he’d forgotten he’d ever been able to speak, maybe he’d forgotten he’d ever _not_ wanted this, too.

“Are you sure?” He didn’t want to have to ask, didn’t want Nicholas to think Kieran doubted him.

“Yes.” Just that one word, no name or title attached to it. “They didn’t have to train me for that. I was... surprised, yes, the first time I saw my pack mates engage in a scene, but there was no doubt even then that I wanted those things too. Yes, I can remember wanting, begging for things that I have absolutely no interest in.” He closed his eyes for a moment. “Some things I am very grateful they didn’t grant me.”

Kieran didn’t want to know. “Like what?” He wanted to run, wanted to tell Nicholas not to answer him. Instead he sat silent, waiting for the omega’s response.

Fear and panic rolled off of Nicholas, souring the air. It was obvious that he didn’t want to answer, any more than Kieran wanted to hear the answer. When the answer finally came, it was so soft and quiet Kieran didn’t believe he’d heard it correctly.

“What?” he asked, almost stumbling over that one, simple word.

“I’m sorry, Kieran, it’s not something I want, not something I’ve ever... not of my own will. But at that time, I _did_ want it, begged them to take it from me, to make me a ‘proper omega’ as I thought if it right then, fit only for being taken. I begged them, over and over, and cried when they denied me, truly hated everything that made me male and unable to bear their pups.” Kieran was feeling sick. “The relief when he allowed me to stop wanting it...” Nicholas shivered. “It was nothing compared to knowing I’d been forgiven.”

Something clicked. “It was a punishment?”

“Yes, Kieran.” He hesitated. “If... I mean, you can...”

“Stop right there.” Kieran sighed. Did Nicholas really think he’d want to do that to him? Had his old pack really done those things to him? Why hadn’t he left earlier? “Go back to what you were telling Jeremy.” And he forced himself to listen to Nicholas recounting what he’d said. Nodded as Nicholas explained the concept of a ‘switch’ and then winced when he mentioned being unable to run free during full moons, realizing what a deterrent to leaving a pack that would be. He even stopped breathing for a few seconds when Nicholas explained, face red with embarrassment, how it felt to be controlled, to be ordered to become different. For some reason, hearing Nicholas voice speak those words, say how he became little more than an empty shell, ready to be filled by his alpha’s will... It spoke to something deep within him, made him want to fill Nicholas up until there was nothing left but Kieran. He gripped the armrests of his chair so tightly his knuckles whitened. It was _wrong_ to want that, wasn’t it? To control, yes. To provide structure, yes. To care for the omega, yes. But to remove everything that made Nicholas his own person? No, that could never be okay.

“I...” Nicholas hesitated, then went on. “I suggested he talk to you about it, if he wanted proof.” Kieran frowned. How would talking to him prove anything? “That if you were willing, you could show him. I... I know it’s not really appropriate while I’m being punished, but... If it could help him understand, if it could bring him back to your side...” Nicholas looked up at him apologetically. “Perhaps you would consider it?”

Kieran stared at him. Consider what? He ran through what Nicholas had said. Did he...? “You mean... what I did at the club and out back last night?” Was there a proper term for it? If there was, Kieran had no idea what that might be. Hypnosis, Nicholas had compared it to, but hypnosis didn’t have nearly the same potential. Contrary to popular myth, hypnosis couldn’t change your personality, make you become someone else. Could it? Those who’d done the research to come to that conclusion had probably never had an omega to test it on.

“Yes, Kieran.” Nicholas’ eyes were open and honest, the pure need in them almost outweighing the apology for making such a request.

He wanted to ask Nicholas why, but he’d already gotten the answer to that, hadn’t he? If it could help Jeremy understand, if it could put to rest the irrational distrust... Wasn’t it worth it? He nodded slowly. “If Jeremy asks me, I will consider it.” The last thing he wanted was for anyone to consider what Nicholas was capable of to be some sort of party trick, expecting him to put on some sort of performance just for entertainment purposes.

“Thank you, Kieran,” Nicholas responded, lowering his eyes briefly in acceptance and respect before looking up again. “I told Jeremy you might not be willing, since I’m being punished. He thought I meant physical punishment, and when I explained he still didn’t understand. I... I told him. All I’ve ever wanted, from the moment I met you, is to belong to you. To be marked, claimed and controlled. I explained that, and that to be purposely denied that, when we both know what I want and need... To...” He swallowed, fear edging his scent. “To not know what will happen after. To have nothing except for the hope that if I follow every order you give me, you might one day forgive me and accept me as yours...”

Kieran frowned. “I already said,” he began, only to cut himself off at the pain in Nicholas’ eyes.

“I know, Kieran.” His eyes flickered down to the notebook again. “I’m sorry for being unable to live up to your expectations, for making mistakes.”

Oh. Perhaps... Perhaps he shouldn’t have required that part. Well, what was said was said, but there was nothing that prohibited him from expanding on it. He shook his head. “That’s true,” he said gently. “You have made mistakes. That doesn’t mean you can’t still earn the reward.” Nicholas sucked in his breath, his eyes widening. “It may be more difficult, but not impossible.” He wanted to reassure the omega further, but also didn’t want to paint himself into another corner. “Just trust me, Nicholas.”

Nicholas nodded eagerly. “Yes, Kieran. Thank you.”

“You’re welcome. Was there anything else said?”

The omega hesitated, then shook his head. “No, that was when Benjamin came in.”

Kieran nodded. “Thank you.” He closed the notepad and pushed it over toward Nicholas. “I will consider what to do about this later. For now, you may go.”

For a moment, shock and pain flashed across Nicholas’ face. Then the omega nodded, settling into an expression of submissive acceptance. “Yes, Kieran,” he replied softly. Kieran didn’t miss the trembling of his fingers as he reached out and took the notepad.

Before Nicholas had time to turn around to leave, there was a knocking on the door. “Apologies, pack leader,” they heard Langdon’s voice from the other side. “Dinner is ready.”


	17. Chapter 17

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It seems that about one chapter per week is a reasonable pace to expect from myself ^^; It's less than I'd want to, but... I blame my flatmate and FFXV. That, and a sick cat. This week I've barely been able to find time to write at all, and when I sat down to write something completely different than what I had intended occupied my mind. So I'm giving you a small interlude. A flashback, if you will.

_Four months ago_

 

Nicholas’ nostrils flared as he took in the scent of the border marking, and if there hadn’t been humans all around him he was certain he wouldn’t have been able to keep his knees from buckling underneath him. As it was he managed to remain on his feet, if barely, but he was trembling as he considered the implications.

A pack. He wanted to run inside their territory, make himself known, throw himself at their alpha’s feet and beg to be admitted. At the same time, he was afraid. He’d asked twice already in as many weeks. Not with this pack, but two others. The first had dismissed him right away, saying they didn’t want any omegas in their pack or their territory. The second... They already had an omega, so Nicholas had been hopeful, but the answer had still been no. They simply didn’t want any more, they'd said. Nicholas wasn’t entirely certain what to believe. Perhaps it had been the truth. Or perhaps they simply hadn’t wanted _Nicholas_. They had, thankfully, been kind enough to allow him to spend the full moon on their lands, but that had been it. Four days later, they had kindly but firmly escorted him to the edge of their territory and sent him off.

Would this one, too, deny his application? Would they send him off like the other two had? Like his former pack had? Nicholas didn’t think he could take that. Not a third time. But despite wanting to find the pack as soon as possible, he couldn’t just storm in. One only did that if one wanted to challenge the current pack leader, and the thought of Nicholas doing that was laughable. Taking a deep breath, he placed his hand below the scent patch, rubbing his palm against the street light. Marking it weakly with his own scent, making sure he didn’t do anything to disturb the marking already there.

If he’d been in wolf shape, he’d have been able to interpret the scent more clearly, been able to tell what kind of wolf had placed it and how long ago it had been, probably also how often it was renewed. Now, he could only tell that it was a male werewolf and that the scent was weak enough that it would need to be renewed sometime soon or fade away. Whether the scent was from the alpha of the pack or just from someone strong enough to serve as the pack’s enforcer, he didn’t know.

Backing off, he found a bench close to a nearby bus stop and sat down to wait, setting the bag with everything he owned between his feet. He’d be patient and wait until someone came by to refresh the border, noticed his scent there and came to find him.

Two hours and several buses later, he crossed over to the corner shop across the street and bought himself a coffee and a sandwich before returning to his chosen seat. Another hour, and people were staring at him and whispering, a few of them even realizing he’d sat there for quite a while. Nicholas was starting to doubt that anyone would be by that day. There was still time, he tried to tell himself. Yes, the sun had set, but that didn’t necessarily mean it was too late.

A heavy motorcycle came around the corner; not a mosquito on steroids but the kind that growled deep enough to make your bones vibrate. Nicholas’ heart thudded as it pulled in to the side and the large man astride it got off. He tried to inhale the man’s scent, but the wind wasn’t on his side. Unfortunately, the man didn’t pay the street light any attention, instead heading inside the pub just a couple of strides beyond it. Nicholas sighed. Apparently that wasn’t...

Hold on. He couldn’t have planned to stay inside the pub for long, since he hadn’t secured his bike. Half holding his breath, Nicholas looked between the door to the pub and the motorcycle, counting the seconds. One minute passed, then another. Part of him wished he’d waited in that pub instead. He would have, if he’d been able to afford sitting there for a couple of hours. The problem with looking for a new pack was that you couldn’t really stay in one place long enough to find a job.

A few minutes later, the man exited the pub again. This time, he was carrying his helmet under his arm, allowing Nicholas to see his face. It was a pleasant enough face, he supposed, though the man looked more like a bear than a wolf. Then again, Nicholas didn’t exactly look like a wolf either.

His heart sped up again as he noticed how the man almost casually went toward the marking on his way to his bike. As he did, he drew one of his bare hands across his face, forehead to chin, as if he was weary. If it hadn’t been for Nicholas, he was sure the man would have managed to refresh the marking without a single human around him noticing anything strange. Now he froze, his licked hand half raised toward the metal. Not for long, just a second. Then he wiped his hand across the mark, swiping it down to erase Nicholas’ scent as well. He continued on to his bike as if nothing was wrong, but well there he scanned the area around him, his demeanour still relaxed and casual but his eyes narrow. His nostrils flared visibly. Had Nicholas been closer, or if there’d been a breeze in his direction, he was sure there’d be a cloud of suspicion in the man’s scent.

Their eyes met. For just a few heartbeats, Nicholas met the man’s dark eyes before lowering his own to the ground. He remained seated, rested his hands on his thighs. With another attitude, he might have appeared disinterested. Now, especially once the other came close enough to read his scent, he hoped he appeared to be just what he was. Submissive and harmless. Polite. The one thing he hoped wouldn’t be as apparent was his desperation.

The motorbike came to life with a deep growl. Before Nicholas could stop himself, he looked up in panic. No! He couldn’t leave. Not now. Not without even speaking to Nicholas first to find out why he was here. But instead of taking off down the street with a roar, the bike slowly prowled closer and closer, carrying its rider who still hadn’t put his helmet back on. The closer it got, the more menacing it seemed, until Nicholas only remained on the bench because his muscles had locked up and refused to move.

The bike stopped once more, just a few metres away, and the man was now close enough that Nicholas could inhale the deep, comforting tone of wolf to his scent – a beta, not an alpha, though there was a tinge of female alpha to him, covering him like the touch of a lover. He swung his leg over the back of it and strode over to the bench, leaving the helmet resting on the seat. He wasn’t much shorter than Nicholas, though of course Nicholas was way too tall for an omega, but what he lacked in comparative height he more than enough made up in width. His shoulders were probably half again as broad, and the sturdy build of his body indicated someone who was used to physical labour – or combat.

Nicholas quickly looked down again, not wanting to give even the slightest impression of a challenge. Two black boots stopped in front of him. For a few brief seconds, his brain took a wrong turn and entertained the thought of going the stereotypical alien way and demand, ‘Take me to your leader!’ Then the reality of his situation crashed down over him like an avalanche, and there was nothing amusing in it at all. He waited in silence for the other to say something.

“You here with a message or another reason?” the man finally growled out, and Nicholas almost fell off the bench to abase himself and throw himself at the beta’s mercy before he realized there was no aggression in his tone and that the gesture would hardly be considered acceptable here in public.

“Another reason,” he managed to press out. Swallowing, he forced himself to go on. “If it’s possible, I’d like to apply for membership.”

The man grunted. There was silence for a few seconds, and Nicholas wondered if he was expected to say something more. “Wait here, and keep an eye on my bike,” the beta said then, still in that same non-aggressive growl. Was it something about Nicholas that made him growl, or was that his normal voice?

“I will, sir,” he said, because there was nothing else to say. The boots retreated, and Nicholas obediently raised his eyes to make sure no one else touched the man’s bike. Or his helmet. The man himself was striding back along the pavement while taking out a phone from one of his many pockets. A few taps and swipes of his thumb across the screen, and then he put it to his ear.

“It’s me,” Nicholas could hear him say. “Yeah, I’m done soon. Ran into something, though. Official business. A stranger, from up north I think. Wants to–” The man stepped inside the pub he’d gone into earlier, and the door cut off his voice abruptly as it fell shut behind him.

An eternity seemed to pass, though most likely it was no more than ten minutes, before the man came out again, carrying a helmet under his arm once more. Instead of calming Nicholas down, however, that only managed to have the opposite effect. He’d been less nervous last time, but then he hadn’t had two rejections behind him. Now he was terrified. He’d need to control himself, calm himself down until he could make his request politely rather than desperately. One word wrong, and he could be sent on his way without any further consideration.

“Here,” the man growled once he came to a stop before Nicholas who had once more lowered his gaze. He held out the helmet into Nicholas’ field of vision. “You’re coming with me.”

Nicholas nodded and took the helmet. It smelled strongly of human, of what was most likely shampoo but smelled like perfume. He didn’t want to put it on, didn’t want to stick his nose any closer to that, but he couldn’t afford to refuse. Grabbing his bag, he followed the beta to the bike, delaying putting the helmet on. Instead he busied himself with swinging the bag strap over his shoulder and chest, pulling it tighter so the bag was pressed against his back.

The beta swung himself into the seat and lifted his helmet to his head. Before he put it on, however, he looked pointedly at the helmet still in Nicholas’ hands. Drawing a final breath of relatively fresh air, Nicholas complied with the unspoken order. The man nodded in satisfaction and shoved his own helmet in its place. Then he crooked his finger at Nicholas, beckoning him closer. Once Nicholas came close enough, he shoved his fingers in under the edge of the borrowed helmet and fastened the snap buckle, checking its tightness with swift impersonality.

“Get on, and hold on to me.”

Again, Nicholas nodded, the movement feeling clumsy with the additional weight on his head. With his long legs, he had no difficulty straddling the bike behind the beta, though he did worry that his knees would be in the way once he realized how high up the foot rests were. Cautiously he took hold of the man’s jacket.

He could feel the man sigh. Then he grabbed hold of Nicholas’ hands and pulled them forward, wrapping them around his chest. Nicholas swallowed, not entirely comfortable with being that close to an unfamiliar werewolf, and certainly not comfortable with being a nuisance. He swiftly reminded himself that not following instructions would be even worse, and maintained the grip his arms were placed in. The man patted his hand lightly, and then the bike rumbled to life between Nicholas’ thighs, sending its vibrations through his body.

As the bike took off and sped up, Nicholas involuntarily tightened his grip. The first time they turned a corner he whimpered, closed his eyes inside the helmet and pressed himself against the large man’s body, certain they’d tip over. But the bike straightened again without the slightest wobble. He wanted to scream and cry and beg the beta to stop and let him off, to allow him to take a taxi to wherever they were going, but he couldn’t. Not only was he sure the other wouldn’t hear him through two helmets and over the engine’s growl, but it also wasn’t his place to ask for something like that. He was an omega. Worse than that, he was a lone omega, packless. This man was a beta – a mated one, judging by the female scent on his body and clothes. More importantly, they were inside the man’s territory, his home. Nicholas was the intruder here, and if he wanted any chance of being accepted into the pack he had to show them his willingness to obey every order given, to submit to any and all inconveniences. He knew how to do that. His previous pack had taught him well... before he’d been discarded.

The bike took another turn and he nearly forgot his resolution to submit. Nearly. When they once more straightened up without incident, it got a little easier to breathe. The third time, his heart still raced but he found himself able to trust that the beta knew what he was doing. It was still a relief when they finally slowed down and turned off the asphalt and onto what felt like gravel. They stopped and he felt the man’s leg move, sensed more than heard the sound of his foot hitting the ground. The engine stilled, the silence almost deafening after the constant noise. A few seconds passed, and then Nicholas felt a tap on his tightly clasped hands.

Horror flooded him when he realized he was still clinging to the beta. Snatching his hands away, he set his feet to the ground and backed off, swinging his right leg over the panniers to get free. He had done something wrong, and his body wanted more than anything to drop to the ground and grovel before the more dominant wolf, to beg forgiveness. He didn’t. He didn’t know where they were, if they were still considered to be in public. Most humans didn’t like displays like that, after all. He also wanted to tear the helmet off of his head and get rid of the itching stink in his nose. He didn’t do that either, though in this case it wasn’t the risk of humans nearby that stayed the impulse.

Not until the beta took off his own helmet did he dare to fumble for the clasp on his borrowed one. His first breath of fresh air was divine. Not even the scent of petrol and exhaust fumes still hanging heavy around the bike could ruin it. The scent of other werewolves didn’t ruin it either, only made it better. Even if they were all strangers, they were werewolves. They were kindred on a level that humans could never be. It was the scent of a home. He only hoped he’d be allowed to make it his home as well.

“First time on a bike?” the other wolf asked, somehow managing to make a growl sound amused.

Nicholas swallowed. “It was, sir,” he confirmed with a nod. “I’m sorry for not knowing what to do.”

The man stared at him. He blinked. Then he threw back his head and laughed. Nicholas was torn between embarrassment and gratitude. The beta didn’t seem angry, and even if he was laughing at Nicholas, he hoped that was a sign that the man wasn’t the violent kind. Then Nicholas flushed, looking down at the ground. It didn’t matter if he was or not. Nicholas was ready and very willing to bear any punishment or retaliation. Not only because he was desperate to belong, but also because it was familiar, because it spoke to the submissive side of him, reminded him how lucky he was to have someone – anyone – who cared enough about him to correct his mistakes.

“Sorry for laughing at you like that,” the man said when he managed to calm himself down enough to speak. Nicholas hunched his shoulders even more; a beta shouldn’t apologize to an omega. It wasn’t right. “Not upset with you, lad. How could you know what to do if you’ve never done it before?”

Nicholas shrugged slightly, not looking up at the other man. Logically, he couldn’t have, but emotionally he felt that he should have. “I could have asked,” he said softly.

“And I could have told you. No worries; worked out in the end, didn’t it?”

Did it? Nicholas wasn’t sure, but... which would be more rude? To lie and say it did, or to tell the truth and disagree with the beta’s assessment? Nervously, Nicholas took the safest route. “As you say, sir,” he said.

“Charlie.” Huh? “Name’s Charlie.”

Oh. Nicholas nodded. “Thank you.” Oh! “I’m Nicholas.”

The beta – Charlie – grunted in acknowledgement, then started walking toward the large house next to them. “Come on then, Nicholas. Time you got to speak to someone other than me.”

Nicholas somehow managed to keep himself from asking if Charlie’s mate would be likely to allow him to join, and instead followed the beta in silence. He hoped she wouldn’t hold it against him that he’d been clinging to her mate during the ride.

The scent of multiple werewolves washed over him as he stepped inside, and he indulged himself by taking a few deep breaths, allowing himself a moment’s imagination that the scents were of his pack and not strangers. Reluctantly he recalled himself to reality and took off his shoes.

There were two doors leading off from the entrance hall, one on each side, and a hallway leading forward into what looked like a living room. Charlie led him into the left-side room, where two werewolves sat waiting. Nicholas paused on the threshold, blinking as he realized that both men in the room were alphas, neither of them Charlie’s mate. This pack had three alphas? Either the leader was very certain of his abilities to lead – with Charlie’s mate not being here, one of these two had to be the pack leader – or the situation was a ticking bomb, just waiting to explode in someone’s face.

“Kieran, this is Nicholas,” Charlie rumbled, gesturing to Nicholas before stepping aside.

Kieran. The pack leader was named Kieran. Nicholas’ eyes darted between the two alphas, trying to determine which of them had reacted to Charlie’s comment. And then he didn’t have to wonder any longer, as the darker of the two men met his gaze. Grey eyes as sharp and burning as silver stared at him, dug their way into his soul and somehow managed to suck all the oxygen out of the air around him.

Collapsing down onto his knees, Nicholas bowed his head before the wolf with the silver eyes. After a second or two, he managed to scrape up enough air to speak. “Pack leader, I humbly beg permission to join your pack, to become yours.” He’d never meant the words more than he did in that moment.

 _This is it_ , his mind whispered. _Whether they take me in or not, my search is over._ He couldn’t handle another rejection, not from this man, couldn’t handle living even a week more on his own, forced to pretend he was human. Forced to live in the cold and never again experience the almost painful pleasure of those grey eyes on him. Yes, it was crazy to think like that, just moments after meeting the man, but everything inside him screamed that this was an alpha worth serving, an alpha worth belonging to. It was pure instinct, and Nicholas had never known how to ignore his instincts.

“Why?” the man asked. Just that one word, and for a moment Nicholas found himself unable to breathe. Was he asking why he should let Nicholas join? Was he about to deny the request? Or was he asking why Nicholas wanted to join? Wasn’t that obvious? He waited for a few heartbeats, hoping Kieran would specify further. He didn’t.

Nicholas wanted to ask what the alpha had meant, but... he didn’t quite dare. What if it was a test? What if asking would make him angry? Then again, what if giving the wrong answer, answering the incorrect ‘why’ question, would make him angry? Closing his eyes, he took a deep breath. “Because I can’t stand living alone, because I need other wolves around me, because I _need_ to belong to a pack.” He prayed it would be a satisfactory answer. If the question he was supposed to answer was another one... “If you were asking why you should allow me to join, I can’t answer that, sir.”

It was frightening, dealing with two alphas – were they mated? No, they couldn’t be, or their scents would have been mingled the way Charlie’s was with his mate’s. He could tell that much, but... he couldn’t really tell much else. Both of them kept their emotions from affecting their scents, giving him nothing but a pleasant blandness. Not knowing what was hidden behind that blandness made him feel as if he was walking blindfolded along a tightrope with no clue whether a misstep would have him falling down into a safety net or onto sharp spikes.

Should he have tried to argue his case more? Explained how he’d be able and willing to provide sexual relief for any unmated wolves in his pack? But why should he? That was what any omega should be doing anyway, so it wasn’t anything Kieran wouldn’t know. Should he have said he was very good at what he did, that he’d been well trained in almost any sexual act? Everything inside him cringed at that thought.

“I see. And why is it you don’t already belong to one?”

Nicholas shivered. “I did,” he admitted. “In Dublin. Then Ethan, the pack leader, took a mate. She... didn’t like me, and convinced him to banish me from the pack.” He could still remember her almost rabid jealousy that he’d been intimate with _her_ mate, that her mate _still_ sought him out. He should have tried harder, should have attempted to convince her that she’d be welcome to join Ethan, or that he’d be very willing to allow her to take out her anger on him. “I stayed around for as long as I could stand it, hoping she’d come around.” He took a deep breath. “She never did, and if she didn’t change her mind in twenty months, it wasn’t very likely to ever happen.” Twenty months, one week and three days, to be exact, but he doubted this alpha would be _that_ interested to know how closely he’d been counting the time – if he didn’t already suspect it.

There was silence for a long while. Nicholas didn’t dare look up, didn’t want to know if there was something to be read in Kieran’s face or eyes. If there was disgust or scorn, he didn’t want to know it. Better to live in the illusion that there wasn’t. He tried to wait patiently, and realized he didn’t actually mind waiting. Better to wait and still be able to hope, than to hear Kieran tell him no and know it was all over.

“Your name?”

Nicholas’ heart almost stopped. The shortness of Kieran’s question didn’t reveal anything except that he’d made his decision. Which it was, Nicholas had no idea, only that it would be formal. Kieran already knew his first name, so the only reason to ask was that he needed Nicholas’ last name. “Nicholas Teague, sir.”

For a few moments, there was... a softening to Kieran’s scent, the careful control eased up on. It didn’t last long, but long enough for Nicholas to start hoping that maybe it wouldn’t be a formal refusal he’d be getting. Then he heard Kieran stand up, saw a pair of sock-clad feet enter his field of vision. Despite his newborn hope, he couldn’t keep himself from shivering. “There’s no need to worry, Nicholas,” Kieran said then, the softness edging his voice as well. The alpha bent down and took hold of Nicholas’ hand, pulling him up until he was standing on his knees.

Sucking in his breath, Nicholas couldn’t help but look up, feeling almost surreal when he barely had to tilt his head back. Kieran was so short! If Nicholas looked straight ahead, his eyes were level with that hollow at the base of Kieran’s throat. And just as soon as that realization had dawned on him, he quickly averted his eyes, panicking at the thought that Kieran – or one of the other two wolves in the room – would suspect him of eyeing their alpha’s throat, of threatening Kieran.

“I’m Kieran O’Neill. If you would give me your oath, you will have your place in my pack.”

It took a few seconds for the words to make sense, but then it was as if all the tension in Nicholas’ body flowed off him and if Kieran hadn’t held on to his hand he might have collapsed down onto the floor again. It took him a few more seconds to gather his wits about him and remember what he was supposed to say.

“Kieran O’Neill, I pledge myself to you and accept you as my alpha and pack leader for as long as you allow. Where you lead, I will follow. What you order, I will obey. My body, heart and blood are yours, to protect or make use of according to your will. May the old gods witness my oath and hold me true.” Part of him couldn’t help but hope that Kieran _would_ make use of his body. He was only glad that his relief and desperate need to belong were too strong for his body to react to that hope and reveal to the other wolves just what he wanted.

“Nicholas Teague,” Kieran began, and Nicholas’ every sense focused on the alpha as if he was the only wolf that existed, as if his words were solely responsible for tethering him to reality. “I accept you into my pack to fill your rightful place as omega. For as long as your heart is true, I will protect, shelter and feed you. I will guide your steps in the night and keep you to the path. I will never willingly waste the gift of your loyalty.”

Knowing the next part, Nicholas tilted his head back until he was looking up into the ceiling. He could feel his pulse thudding against the stretched muscles of his throat, hoping in vain that the others would assume it was with trepidation rather than exhilaration. The warmth of Kieran’s body came closer, and then he felt hot breath against his skin and the firm, wet touch of teeth over his jugular. Just a brief touch, too short for comfort, forcing Nicholas to bite back a groan of regret when it vanished.

“From now on, you are of my pack. If there’s anything about your past that you think I need to know, now’s the time to say it. If there’s anyone who might seek to harm you or hunt you down, now’s the time to say it. If you do, I will place myself before you and shield you from harm.”

Nicholas swallowed. There were plenty of things he could tell Kieran, about how well he’d be able to perform his tasks as an omega of the pack, about how extensively he’d been trained... But that wasn’t really what was being asked. No, this had nothing to do with sex and everything to do with violence and ill will. He shook his head slightly, still baring his throat to the alpha. “I have already said that which needs to be said, pack leader. As far as I know, no one holds a grudge against me or will come looking for me.” Nobody except for Aingeal, of course, Ethan’s mate. But while she might have held a grudge against him two years ago, he doubted she even remembered him today. She certainly wasn’t the kind to come hunting after him once he’d backed off from her mate. And he’d already told Kieran about her.

“Good.” Kieran took a step back, and Nicholas bit down on a sigh of disappointment. “On your feet now, Nicholas.” He pulled further on Nicholas’ hand, and Nicholas had no choice but to obey, even if it felt weird to tower over the alpha. He wanted to cower, wanted to express his submission in every way possible, didn’t want Kieran to think for even a moment that Nicholas was somehow looking down on him. A chuckle came from the alpha, as if he was to some degree aware of Nicholas’ internal turmoil and found it amusing. “I know I’m short; trust me that it’s never been a hindrance for me so far, and I’m not going to be upset just because one more person is taller than me.”

It wasn’t much of an order, but it was an order. Nicholas breathed a little easier. “Thank you, sir,” he said quietly, softly.

“Kieran.”

Nicholas nodded. “Kieran.” It may not be considered polite, and in his old pack the only time he’d ever let Ethan’s name cross his lips was when giving his oath – or when informing a third party about his next-of-kin – but if that was what Kieran wanted, that was what Kieran would get.

“Good. Glad we got that out of the way.” Kieran’s smile was audible in the warm tones of his voice. “Now let’s get to introducing you to the rest of the pack. You already met Charlie, of course. This is James, my second-in-command.” Nicholas looked up in time to see Kieran gesture to the other alpha in the room, bowed his head to James in greeting. “He deals with much of the day-to-day business. If you have any questions about the pack, chances are he’s the one with the answers.”

Alarm bells were starting to ring in the back of Nicholas’ head, but he only gave Kieran a small smile and nodded. It wasn’t his place to interfere in how Kieran ran his pack; just because it wasn’t what he was used to, it didn’t mean it wasn’t working.

James came closer, and while Nicholas most of all wanted to go hide behind Kieran he forced himself to stand his ground, to tilt his head back and offer the second alpha his throat in submission. He drew in James’ scent as the burly man buried his nose around that spot below Nicholas’ ear, the one that carried so much scent and incidentally sent signals straight to the most primal part of Nicholas’ brain, made him want to tremble and drop to his knees. He didn’t. James wasn’t his alpha, he was just _an_ alpha. He belonged to Kieran now, and wasn’t about to volunteer his services to anyone else in the pack until he knew what was expected of him. He most certainly wasn’t going to offer himself to another alpha, knowing that might send signals that he’d prefer if that alpha was in charge instead.

“You may scent me in return,” James now said, but as Nicholas blinked at him in surprise he made no move to bare his neck. Nicholas didn’t expect it, hadn’t even expected the courtesy in the first place. He only leaned in until he could burrow his nose into the thick hair behind James’ ear and drew in the stronger wolf’s scent, mapping it into his memory as one of his pack, telling himself it was one he should be able to trust. It didn’t pass him by that the position still bared his own neck to James, that the alpha could rescind the invitation at any moment and be at Nicholas’ throat in a heartbeat.

Pulling back, he straightened and took a few steps further away. “Thank you,” he said. Habit would have had him tack on at least ‘sir’ as a title, but if Kieran wasn’t addressed that way, he couldn’t very well offer that courtesy to a lesser alpha. At the same time, he didn’t know if he was allowed to use James’ given name. No name or title at all seemed the safest.

James gave him a bland smile. “You’re welcome, Nicholas.”

Nicholas tried not to hold the tone against the alpha. It was possible it was just the way he was, just like how Charlie couldn’t help but growl out everything he said. It wasn’t _James’_ fault that his voice reminded him of Tiarnán when the beta tried to pretend he wasn’t about to hurt Nicholas badly. James wasn’t Tiarnán, he reminded himself firmly and pushed down the urge to throw himself to the floor and apologize profusely.

“Come on, then,” Kieran said, drawing Nicholas’ attention like true north pulled a compass. “Unless I’m mistaken, the rest will be waiting eagerly in the living room.”

Nicholas gave his new pack leader a small smile, trying not to show how nervous he was. Clearly, Kieran picked up on it anyway.

“Don’t worry, Nicholas.” He gave Nicholas a broad smile in return, giving him just a tiny glimpse of teeth. “I did swear to protect you.”

Without thinking about it Nicholas went over to him, slipping in behind him as if he belonged there, as if he could hide behind his alpha – which was an impossibility due to their comparative heights. If the gesture surprised Kieran, the alpha didn’t show it. He only laughed and proceeded to lead Nicholas out from the frying pan and into the fire. Nicholas didn’t allow himself to hesitate, didn’t allow himself to doubt that he’d be protected. He wasn’t packless any longer, and for that gift alone he would have followed Kieran into Hell itself.


	18. Chapter 18

_Kieran_

 

If Kieran had thought he would be able to work after dinner, that quickly shaped up to be an impossible prospect. He’d expected Mathias and Aidan, but when there was a knock on his door and he invited them to enter, Peter was the one standing in the doorway instead.

“I’m sorry if I’m interrupting something, pack leader,” Peter said, politely and too formally for Kieran’s liking.

Briefly, Kieran entertained the notion of telling Peter that yes, he’d interrupted. Then his sense of duty kicked in and he discarded that idea. “It’s fine,” he said instead. “Come on in, and close the door.”

“Of course.” There was a very vague hint of irritation in his tone, a sense of ‘did you really think I wouldn’t?’ But by the time Peter stood in front of his desk, that hint was gone. Instead, there was an edge of nervousness to him.

“What can I do for you?” he asked, studying the gamma carefully. Had something happened at the club?

“It’s... I... We...” Peter seemed to be struggling with his words. Kieran waited as patiently as he could, not wanting to push. Peter looked down, took a deep breath. His hands clenched by his sides. “It’s not fair, sir.”

Kieran frowned. “Fair?”

“There are three wolves who still haven’t felt any repercussions from what happened yesterday.”

Kieran blinked. The wording of it... Was Peter more concerned that some of them _hadn’t_ suffered any consequences than that some _had_? “And you’d feel more comfortable if that changed?”

“With all due respect, pack leader, I would. We may not have known entirely why we were there, at least not me and Benjamin, but we did add to the illusion that he had support from almost half the pack. It’s not fair that half of us should go unpunished for it.”

Kieran didn’t point out that ‘half of them’ would be three and a half wolf. It wasn’t, after all, the mathematics of it that was important. “And are the others of the same mind?” If they were, why was Peter the only one who was here?

“They are, pack leader. Just too intimidated to actually ask.”

Too intimidated? Benjamin, sure, but... Mathias was higher up in the hierarchy than Peter was. Why...? Ah, of course. He also had Aidan to worry about. “I see.” He leaned back in his chair. Peter did make sense, in a way. James, Samantha and, to a degree, Jeremy had stood against him. The fallout for them had been fair, if they had been the only ones. But by agreeing to punish Nicholas as well, Kieran could see how it might seem unfair, especially to those who – like Kieran, to be honest – didn’t think Nicholas had any blame in the matter. The only problem was... What did they expect? Peter and Benjamin were regulars, possibly members judging by Peter’s participation in the demonstration today. Did they expect similar things as Nicholas had? Did they consider themselves dominant or submissive? Did it matter? Even if they were dominant at the club, Kieran was still their pack leader.

Kieran took a deep breath. He didn’t know. His instincts were insisting that none of his wolves was allowed to be dominant with or to him, but could he trust that? Even if it might technically be true, it could have an effect on which type of punishment or penance would be appropriate. In the end, he realized there was nothing to it. He needed to ask. “Which kind do you expect? Pack discipline or the kind you’d get at Devotion?” He kept his senses trained on Peter, intent on reading every nuance of his reaction to the question.

Peter’s heartbeat sped up, and he somehow managed to both relax and tense up at the same time. There was a faint shift in his scent, his nervousness suddenly tinged more with anticipation and acceptance than with worry. He shook his head slowly. “No expectations, pack leader. Your choice.”

Kieran growled briefly to express his displeasure with Peter’s response. Peter froze as his scent spiked into panic and worry. He swallowed, then tilted his head to bare his throat in submission. The gesture placated Kieran somewhat, but he wasn’t about to let it go. “Unless you left your brains behind, you know full well what I meant with my question. I know you and Benjamin go to Devotion. I need to know how that will influence your expectations and needs.”

“Sorry, pack leader.” His panic slowly abated and he returned to his previous position. “I... think Benjamin might prefer the kind he’s used to at Devotion. He wouldn’t say anything, but... Then again, you’ve also said you’ll take firmer control of the pack, so what we’re used to when it comes to pack discipline may not be accurate anymore.”

That was really the problem, wasn’t it? Kieran suddenly realized that by not letting the three face any consequences apart from the judging they’d all gone through, he’d acted more in line with his ‘usual’ laidback leadership, not the firmer reins he’d said he’d take up. And his wolves were clearly not happy with that. Had they ever been? He couldn’t very well apologize to them outright; not only had he said he’d only do that the once, it would also only serve to make it worse. So instead he’d apologize by giving them what they felt they needed. “And your own preferences?” He didn’t ask about Mathias; the beta was likely to know even less than he had what was going on at Devotion.

“I can see the value in both kinds, sir.” By the look on Peter’s face, he hadn’t intended that word. Kieran found he didn’t mind. Like Nicholas had written in the notepad, it was what people at the club called those they judged more dominant than themselves, and he very much had nothing against being seen as more dominant than Peter. “I mean pack leader,” Peter quickly corrected, confirming what his face had already declared.

“It’s fine, Peter.” Suddenly, he found himself no longer wondering whether Peter considered himself dominant or not at the club. By adding that small title, he’d effectively said he was submissive to Kieran, hadn’t he? What he was with the humans didn’t matter. It wasn’t something he needed to convince himself of, not anymore. “Very well. I’ve heard your request, and I’ll consider it.” He needed time to come up with something they’d find suitable, but he couldn’t very well admit that, could he? “I’ll inform you of my decision later.”

For a few moments, Peter looked like he’d argue. Then he bowed his head. “As you wish, pack leader.” He drew breath to continue, only to hesitate. Kieran waited, and a second later Peter asked, “Can I be excused, pack leader?”

Kieran sighed. “You can. One last question though... You know I’m fine with just ‘Kieran’. Why aren’t you?” He wasn’t sure if he meant why Peter wasn’t fine with it, or why Peter wasn’t using his name, but either of them would hopefully get him the answer he wanted.

Peter shook his head. “I would if I wasn’t making an official request, pack leader. It’s... different.”

Part of Kieran wanted to reassure Peter that neither of them would forget who was the alpha of them, even if Peter addressed him by name. But it did seem to be important to the gamma, so he didn’t. And in a way, he could understand the sentiment. He’d never really thought about it that way, but Peter was right. He’d made a respectful and official request from his pack leader, rather than just asking Kieran for a favour. He nodded. “So you are.”

Peter hadn’t been long out the door before Kieran’s phone notified him of a new email.

_Kieran  
I said I’d mail you information regarding what you’re expected to know at least the basics about. I’d also like to tell you that I’ve found a Dom willing to show you the ropes, so to speak. He’s willing to meet with you here tomorrow at noon to discuss specifics. If you–_




Kieran looked up from the mail when there was yet another knock on the door. Biting back an irritated snarl, he instead inhaled deeply. This time he wanted to know who was interrupting him before... He let out his breath as a sigh. “Come in, Nicholas,” he said, turning the screen off and setting his phone to the side. Part of him wanted to take back the words, wanted to deny the omega entrance, while the rest of him wanted to desperately lay eyes on him and ensure he was still safe. Besides, avoiding Nicholas wasn’t really a responsible thing to do; if he couldn’t face the punishment he’d handed out, he didn’t deserve to be Nicholas’ alpha.

He could hear the door crack open, throwing Nicholas’ scent into sudden clarity. A few moments later it clicked shut and bare feet padded across the bedroom floor until the omega was standing in the wide doorway to the study. “I’m sorry to disturb you,” he said softly, gazing at the floor.

Kieran forced himself not to get out of his chair and tackle Nicholas to the floor. “Don’t worry about it,” he said instead, dismissing the apology. “How can I help you?” It wasn’t what he wanted to say. There were so many questions that were more important. How are you? Am I doing all this right? Is this really what you want? Would you hold it against me if I stopped, if I claimed you right here and now? And yet he couldn’t ask any of those things. Not when Nicholas’ scent so clearly revealed he was here for a purpose, and one that he clearly didn’t enjoy.

Nicholas didn’t say anything for several painfully long seconds. “She called me,” he blurted out then. Kieran blinked, trying to figure out who Nicholas was talking about. Should he ask, or should he let Nicholas tell him at his own pace? Before he could make up his mind, however, Nicholas went on. “I mean, they called me. From the club.”

And just like that, it was obvious whom Nicholas had to be talking about. He clenched his jaws and stilled his throat, turning his growl into a carefully controlled nasal sigh. Despite his care, Nicholas clearly noticed his disapproval. He didn’t flinch, but the worry and guilt in his scent spiked.

“I’m sorry, Kieran, I wouldn’t have answered if I’d recognized the number, and I probably should have hung up once I realized who it was, but I didn’t know how to without being rude and–”

“Stop.” He did his best not to snap the word out, thought he managed quite well to sound calm. It still made Nicholas shut up as if he’d been slapped. Kieran closed his eyes for a moment, trying to think, trying to figure out how to best go about it. When he opened them again, he still wasn’t entirely certain, but he knew he needed to calm Nicholas down. “Tell me, Nicholas, what the rule is regarding Devotion.”

The answer to that question seemed to come easier to Nicholas. “I’m not to enter Devotion or any similarly themed club without you, for at least eleven weeks from Monday.”

Kieran nodded. “Does it say anything about avoiding phone conversations?”

He could hear Nicholas sucking in a breath even as the omega shook his head. “It doesn’t.”

“Did you, at any point in the conversation, portray yourself as more dominant?” He almost laughed at the horror that flashed across what he could see of Nicholas’ face.

“I didn’t. I couldn’t. I _wouldn’t_.”

“Did you do or say anything else that would break any order you’ve been given so far?”

Nicholas shook his head again. “I didn’t,” he said quickly. He paused, the sharp edge to his scent settling down. “I didn’t,” he repeated, this time slowly and with a sense of wonder in his voice, as if he hadn’t realized it before. “I _didn’t_ disobey you, Kieran.”

Kieran smiled with relief. “Good omega.” Nicholas gasped, his scent intensifying and gaining just the slightest hint of arousal. “What did this mystery woman call you about?” He wasn’t about to let on that he suspected whom it was.

“She... she said she’d heard I’d left the club the other day with a non-regular, and that I hadn’t appeared to be the Dom of the two of us.” Despite his annoyance that Neassa had called Nicholas like that, Kieran had to press down his sudden relief and amusement, the former because she hadn’t appeared to reveal that Kieran had been in touch with her and the latter due to the mental image of Nicholas trying to be more dominant than Kieran. “She wanted to make sure I was alright, that I wasn’t feeling coerced into anything.”

The amusement vanished even as his muscles tensed up a little once more. “And what did you tell her?” He tried to keep any sharpness away from his voice; Nicholas didn’t need to be thinking Kieran was upset with _him_.

“That I was fine, that I hadn’t done anything I didn’t want to, and that I wouldn’t be coming into the club for a while.” He glanced up briefly before lowering his eyes again. “I didn’t lie to her, Kieran. Nothing I’ve done, nothing you’ve done to me, has been against my will.”

A shiver ran down Kieran’s spine. Nothing? He could still hear Nicholas pleading with him, begging him to choose any other punishment, and he was still claiming it wasn’t against his will? “Even this?” The question slipped out before he could guard his tongue.

Nicholas swallowed. “Even this. I may not like it, but... You’re my alpha, my pack leader, my...” He cut himself off abruptly, making Kieran wonder what he’d been about to say. “I need to make things right. If I didn’t _want_ to submit to you, I’d never have said anything, not after you made it clear it wasn’t expected of me.”

“And if it had been?” Kieran couldn’t make himself raise his voice above a whisper. He wasn’t sure he wanted to know the answer, suspected he already did.

“I would have,” Nicholas confirmed, and the cold hand around Kieran’s heart squeezed a little harder. But then Nicholas looked up, his green eyes intense. “But... from the moment I saw you, I wanted to. I wanted you to expect it. It would never have been a hardship to submit, not to you.”

Screw restraint. Without thinking twice about it, Kieran half leapt over his desk, barely avoiding sending his students’ essays flying. Nicholas froze into instant stillness; he didn’t shrink back, didn’t flinch, just waited. He didn’t even look back down at the floor again as Kieran stalked closer. Kieran stopped a few scant inches away, inhaling Nicholas’ scent just as deeply as the omega drew in his. He reached up and placed his hand against Nicholas’ cheek, making him whimper softly. “You will submit, Nicholas,” Kieran said, quietly but firmly, and Nicholas’ whimper grew into a needy keening sound before he bit it off and swallowed it down. “We will get through this, and we will start over with a clean slate.” He’d take the time to learn as much as he could about what Nicholas needed from him. Of course, he reminded himself, he’d also need to take some time to ensure that he hadn’t slipped when it came to fighting. It was tricky when he wouldn’t have a chance to fight in wolf form before the challenge, but he could at least work out in human form to check up on his strength and stamina.

Nicholas didn’t say anything, only looked up at him as if he couldn’t look away, as if any movement could make Kieran take away his touch and that such a thing would kill him. There was no challenge or defiance in the way he met Kieran’s gaze; everything about him screamed his submission.

“While I have you here,” Kieran went on, “there will be a few changes.” He’d been considering how to go about this, how to deal with things, and while some of what Nicholas had written in his notepad would have to wait, some needed to be taken care of right away. Nicholas tensed up at his words, but still didn’t say anything. “It’s one thing to do things to feel useful, but I don’t want you to work so hard that you forget what’s going on, that you forget why.” It wasn’t that Kieran wanted to hurt Nicholas, but this was important to Nicholas, and he didn’t want the omega to... cheapen it? He wasn’t sure what to call it, but it was difficult for both of them, and it wasn’t fair if either one of them ran away from it. “I want you to take five minutes per hour to think about it, to consider why you’re being punished and what you can do to avoid it in the future. Can you do that?” He’d follow it as best he could, as well. It wasn’t fair either to ask Nicholas to do something he wouldn’t do himself.

Nicholas swallowed. “I can,” he whispered.

Kieran nodded. “Good.” He hesitated for a moment. “How’s your arse?” he asked then, needing to reassure himself that Nicholas was okay. “Full truth,” he reminded the omega, wanting to forestall any quick and easy ‘it’s fine’ kind of responses.

“Not as sore as I’d wish,” Nicholas admitted, which made a confusing swirl of emotions inside Kieran. Had Nicholas _wanted_ him to keep going, last night? Had Kieran been too easy on him? “I can still feel it when I sit down, but not nearly as much as this morning.” He hesitated, but then seemed to steel himself. “Empty.”

Kieran almost choked on hearing that last word. He certainly hadn’t intended their conversation to head in that direction from his question, though in retrospect he figured it _was_ an accurate answer to the question, and Kieran _had_ told Nicholas he wanted the full truth. Deciding to ignore that addition, he dropped his hand and pretended not to see the sudden tension around Nicholas’ eyes, pretended not to scent the sudden anguish and disappointment. Taking two steps back, he made a circular motion with that same hand. “Turn around and show me.”

Nicholas eyes widened, but he didn’t hesitate to follow the order, quickly turning his back on Kieran and unfastening his jeans. If his hands trembled slightly as he pushed them off his hips, Kieran ignored it. There was no fear in Nicholas’ scent, only an intense desire to obey.

There was no underwear beneath those jeans, just like last night. Did Nicholas even own any? He tried to remember, but he’d never really paid attention to Nicholas undressing before, and now he couldn’t tear his eyes away long enough to think. He was relieved to see that the bruises had faded almost completely, but couldn’t resist reaching out and trailing the still marked line between buttock and thigh where the worst one had been. There was a sharp intake of breath at his touch, but instead of pulling away Nicholas leaned forward, bent over slightly at the waist to stretch the skin out and make it more available. He _did_ resist sliding his fingers in between Nicholas’ buttocks and test out the confessed emptiness. _Not yet_ , he told himself, reluctantly pulling back.

“Good,” he said, once he felt he could trust his voice to remain even. “Get dressed again.” Even as Nicholas straightened and pulled up his jeans again, he stepped in close, tilting his head back to direct his words into Nicholas’ ear. “You may keep the scent from that last touch until bedtime.”

Gratitude and happiness and guilt filled Nicholas’ scent, washed over Kieran in a heady wave that threatened to drown him. “Thank you, Kieran,” Nicholas said, and there wasn’t a doubt in the world how much he meant those words.

“If anyone from the club calls again, you can answer. I don’t want anyone to worry about you or go around thinking I’m forcing you into something you don’t want. But you’re to tell me as soon as possible, and you’re not allowed to call them without asking my permission first.”

Nicholas nodded. “Thank you for instructing me,” he said softly, his scent again reinforcing that he meant it, that it wasn’t just words.

“You’re welcome. Was there anything else you needed to tell me?”

A few seconds’ hesitation before Nicholas shook his head. “Nothing that needs your attention.” There was that same sense of a word being cut off the sentence that he’d heard yesterday, before Nicholas had admitted he wanted to call Kieran ‘master’. He smiled. Trust Nicholas to find a way to both obey the rules of the punishment while still making it clear to them both that there was something missing. Not that he knew if Nicholas was doing it on purpose, of course.

“Then you can go. Oh, and please inform the others that unless it’s something that can’t wait, I don’t want to be disturbed again tonight. I have work to do.”

“I will.” It was even easier to fill in the missing ‘master’ this time. “Thank you for making time for me and I’m sorry for interrupting you.”

“You’re forgiven,” Kieran said, more because Nicholas needed to hear it than because he thought there was anything to forgive. He returned to his seat and forced himself not to look at Nicholas as the omega silently headed for the door and slipped outside. Instead he picked up his phone to read the rest of the email.

_If you need to reschedule, contact me as soon as possible._

_Oh, and I’d like to apologize in advance since I’m going to call Nicholas as soon as I’ve sent this mail off. I know you said he’s fine, but I hope you don’t mind if I do my best to make sure of that myself. I never thought to ask what your plans were, so I won’t go into any details with him. I promise to be as circumspect as I can. I hope I won’t be interrupting anything ;)_

_Cordially,  
Neassa_




Contact information – including a mobile number – followed the signature, and then a long list of various words and phrases. Some seemed fairly straightforward right away, like ‘Submissive’ or ‘Master’. Others weren’t quite as easy to figure out, though they didn’t seem _that_ tricky, like ‘collaring’ or ‘aftercare’. And yet other terms he had no clue what to make of them, like ‘Gorean’ or ‘SSC’. Fortunately, there was a shorter list of websites and wiki databases where he could start the search.

He wasn’t sure whether to appreciate the apology or if it just made him more annoyed. It _was_ fair that she’d want to check up on one of her club members, and intellectually he could also understand not wanting to warn him too much in advance that she’d call – or ask his permission to do so – since if there had been abuse involved he could easily have ‘coached’ Nicholas in how to respond. Not that lack of advance warning prevented such coaching, but it reduced the risk of it, he supposed. On the other hand, there was that almost feral part of him that wanted to growl and snap at the woman for failing to stay away, for interfering in _Kieran’s_ business, for talking to _his_ omega. That wanted to attack her for admitting that she _knew_ she was about to do something that required her to apologize.

He tossed back a quick response, saying he’d be there at noon. Then he cast one last glance at the pile of papers to grade before instead reaching for his laptop. If he was supposed to learn at least the basics about those listed terms before he showed up there, he needed to get started.


	19. Chapter 19

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ehrm, yes. This chapter took a lot longer than I intended. Real life and writer's block and ADHD all conspired against me. Also, I need to figure out a way to restrict myself from buying more books. Especially ebooks. Stupid instant gratification.

_Kieran_

 

Shortly before noon, Kieran started up his car and pulled out from the driveway. The good thing about being pack leader was that he had no one to answer to, no one who demanded any more in-depth answers than, “Have some errands to run, I’ll be back later; call me if there’s anything important.”

He wasn’t entirely sure he wanted to head over into that woman’s territory again, but the appointment had been set up, and he’d been the one to make the petition in the first place. He winced. Request, not petition. But no matter what one named it, he was the one to ask, she was the one who’d promised to provide. Even so, it rankled him to put himself under another’s will after five years of being at the top. Her being human didn’t exactly make it any better.

A human was waiting for him in the parking lot when he got to Devotion, standing underneath the unlit sign. He seemed vaguely familiar, but it wasn’t until Kieran got closer and caught a sniff of the human’s scent that he remembered the submissive male whose alph– Dominant he’d been talking to before the demonstration. Huh.

The boy... what had his name been? Something beginning with a D, he was fairly sure. Devon? Declan? Something like that. Either way, he smiled and nodded at Kieran. “Nice to meet you again. The club’s closed at this time, so Sir sent me to wait for you and take you to the back door.”

The casual use of the title threw Kieran for a bit. He _had_ read that it was a common term of respect between a submissive and a Dominant, but it still felt wrong to hear it being used more as a pronoun than a courtesy title. He nodded back to cover his reaction. “Thanks.” He assumed the boy’s ‘Sir’ was the same as it had been the other night; the man’s scent was all over him, after all. “Lead the way, then,” he continued, when the lad didn’t move right away.

“Of course,” Devon-Declan-whatever hurried to say, and scurried off towards the nearest corner of the building, glancing back once or twice to make sure Kieran was keeping up. Kieran was. It wasn’t as if it was particularly difficult; the lad wasn’t running, after all.

They soon came upon a nondescript, small door in the side of the building. The boy pushed it open and stepped inside to hold it up for Kieran. Instincts had him stop on the threshold, stretch his senses out to detect potential danger. But there was no ambush prepared. He could sense three other people inside, two men and one woman. All scents he recognized from before. Aindriú, Neassa and the one who’d taken him to her office. He felt a tiny pinch of shame when he realized how much easier it was for him to remember the names of the two dominant humans, but in his defence those were the ones he’d actually talked to for more than a few sentences. Content that there was no danger inside from which he wouldn’t be able to escape, if necessary, he followed the ome... _submissive_ deeper into Neassa’s territory. He really needed to train himself to use the human terms, or he’d end up using he wrong word at the wrong time and risk exposing his kind to the public.

Neassa smiled at him when he entered the meeting room two of the three humans were waiting in, though Kieran could still scent her wariness and reservation. A clear ‘welcome, but I don’t trust you’ message. “Welcome, Kieran,” she said. “I believe you’ve met Aindriú.” She gestured to the male who, while dominant, was clearly less so than she was. He was currently gathering the boy into a hug, pressing a kiss to his temple and murmuring his thanks for showing Kieran in.

“I have,” Kieran replied and nodded to the other man. “Good to see you again.” He wasn’t entirely sure if it was, but he _was_ slightly relieved that the one who’d agreed to meet with him wasn’t a complete stranger.

Aindriú took a step forward, pulling the boy along with him, and held out his hand. “Same,” he said with a smile. Kieran took his hand and squeezed it with the appropriate pressure for a moment or two before letting go. It may be a human custom, and Kieran knew that few people these days immediately connected the gesture with its original meaning, ‘I have no weapon in my hand, and intend no harm,’ but he also knew all too well that it was often used to discreetly establish dominance. Aindriú wasn’t. He didn’t attempt to squish Kieran’s hand, didn’t tighten his hold into more than casual firmness. To him, it seemed, it was nothing more than a simple greeting. Or perhaps he had no need to affirm his dominance that way; he seemed confident enough, comfortable in his role the way few humans were. At least humans outside this club.

He had to admit, if only to himself, that the humans he’d seen so far at Devotion seemed much less insecure, much less desperate to prove to themselves and others that they were stronger than everyone around them. They... fit. Almost as if they’d been part of a pack. He assumed there’d be a bit more posturing than in an actual pack while they adjusted to each other and established their rankings, since their senses were lacking, but there hadn’t seemed to be much doubt which ones were dominant and which were submissive, and unlike in the human world outside, there didn’t seem to be any need to push down and deride anyone who was submissive. At least not from what little he’d seen so far.

“Thank you, for agreeing to meet with me,” he told Aindriú.

The man shrugged slightly, his gaze darting down to the submissive attached to his side. “Declan helped me make up my mind, he did.” Ah, so Kieran _had_ remembered the boy’s name correctly. “It seemed to me you were a decent enough person, and while I’m sure you’d pick things up on your own, I do understand the frustration of being the less experienced one in a relationship where you’re supposed to be the one who makes the decisions.” He gave Kieran a small smile. “It wasn’t hard for Declan to convince me.”

Declan’s amusement and desire wafted in Kieran’s direction as the boy murmured, “I distinctly remember it being _very_ hard, sir,” to his... Dom. The almost purring quality of the words directed into Aindriú’s shoulder, combined with his scent, made it obvious that Declan wasn’t simply referring to _talking_ Aindriú into anything. It was a good thing Kieran had experience in hiding reactions to things he wasn’t supposed to have heard. His lips didn’t even twitch.

Instead of getting upset or angry at the interruption, Aindriú just laughed. “Brat,” he said affectionately.

“Well,” Neassa broke in. “I have things to do; if you need me, I’ll be in my office.” It was tempting to ask where the as of yet unaccounted for human would be, but Kieran resisted the temptation. First of all he didn’t remember what the human was called, and secondly it would be difficult to explain how he’d known the man was there. So he just nodded and watched as she left the room. He wasn’t sure he’d have left two alphas – one of them an outsider – alone in his territory, but then again she wasn’t a wolf and couldn’t follow her instincts as easily.

Aindriú cleared his throat slightly and Kieran politely looked at him, though his ears still tracked Neassa’s progress down the hallway outside. “Will we sit down, then?” He gestured to the seating group. “I’m looking forward to hearing exactly what it is you’re looking to learn, and what you already know.”

Kieran flashed him a quick smile. “I don’t think ‘everything’ and ‘nothing’ are the answers you want to hear, either,” he responded as he headed for one of the armchairs.

Aindriú chuckled. “Not really it’s not. Not to mention that I rather doubt it would be true.” He sat down opposite Kieran, and Declan dropped to the floor at his feet, leaning his head against his Dom’s knees.

Kieran studied him for a few seconds, until he could sense Aindriú tensing up. Remembering humans couldn’t scent the intentions of him looking, he looked up at the dominant man. “Why is he kneeling like that?” He didn’t think it was a matter of Declan being out of favour, and he knew Nicholas seemed to like it, but Nicholas was a wolf and Declan wasn’t, and a human wouldn’t have the same instinctual need to be lower than a more dominant member of his subspecies, would he?

“Go ahead and answer the question, Declan,” was all Aindriú said, threading his fingers loosely through the younger man’s hair – it was unfair to call him a boy when he had to be over twenty already, even if that was what Aindriú had called him last night. Then again, Nicholas had called the human sub ‘boy’ as well, and he’d read it was a common term for male submissives. While he’d seen no mention of _why_ it was, he could imagine it helped reinforce the impression that they had less authority, that they were too ‘young’ to make decisions for themselves.

“Because I like it,” Declan said simply, and it seemed as if it was a strain to speak loud enough that Kieran would hear. Well, if Kieran had been the human Declan expected him to be. After a moment’s consideration, he went on, “Because it makes me feel safe. It’s where I belong, and it tells everyone else that I’m Sir’s so they won’t bother me with useless propositions.” He looked up at Aindriú. “Because I love Sir, and he likes me being here.”

Kieran could smell how close Aindriú was to tears, how touched he was by the declaration of love. “I love you too, boy,” he whispered softly, softly enough that Kieran politely ignored having heard it. Clearing his throat, Aindriú returned his attention to Kieran. “I hope that answered your question adequately?”

Kieran nodded. “Thank you. It’s... difficult to understand, sometimes. I did read up a bit last night, on the websites Neassa...” He frowned. “Am I supposed to call her ‘Lady Neassa’?” He wasn’t sure he wanted to, not if it was an indication he considered her more dominant than him.

Aindriú chuckled again. “It’s the formal address for her in these circles, it is, but I know she won’t take offence if you don’t. Don’t force yourself if it doesn’t feel natural; when you feel more comfortable here, it’s possible you’ll change your mind about it.”

“Right. Like I said, I read a bit on the websites she linked me, but I don’t think much of it has sunk in properly yet.” One of the reasons he’d never really approved of the whole ‘study hard the night before a test’ method. The information hovered there at the front of your brain, but once the test was over, most students simply let go of the information, and it never made it from short-term to long-term memory.

Aindriú waved his hand dismissively. “Don’t worry about it. That’s just so I won’t have to explain every single term I use. If I do use a word you don’t understand, or don’t remember the definition of, or are unsure of my personal definition of, don’t hesitate to ask.”

“I won’t,” Kieran assured him.

“Good.” Aindriú smiled. “Now, like I asked before, how much do you know about the BDSM scene? Disregarding what you might have read last night, of course. And why do you want to learn more?”

Kieran was fairly convinced Aindriú wasn’t talking about _a_ scene but rather the whole concept of it, so he didn’t bother asking for confirmation. “Not much. Before Thursday, my whole impression of it was... well, bad. I mean, I knew several of my friends come here regularly, but I rather avoided thinking about what that meant. Then...” He sighed. He hated to lie, but he couldn’t very well tell the entire truth about why he’d come to Devotion that evening. “I needed to talk to Nicholas about something, and at the time I didn’t think it could wait till he got home, so I came here. One thing lead to another, and he invited me to watch a scene, to help me understand what it was all about.” At least he’d finally learned that the many-tailed whip Nicholas had used that night was called a flogger. “I’d expected to be uncomfortable, and I’d been afraid to see him abuse someone else. I hadn’t expected to be jealous, or to... get aroused.” Had Aindriú and Declan been wolves, it wouldn’t have bothered Kieran to speak of it, but he knew humans had far more hang-ups when it came to biology. He met Aindriú’s eyes and saw understanding instead of embarrassment. Huh. There was no shame in their scents, either.

Was it these two in particular, or was it that they were into BDSM? If the latter, he might have to revise his impression of them completely. Perhaps... Perhaps those drawn to this were humans who were closer to their instincts? Who didn’t see it as something _wrong_ to need guidance and protection, who didn’t see it as _wrong_ to want to... provide that guidance and protection. The whips and chains... those he was still leery of.

Aindriú was still waiting for Kieran to continue, he realized. He wasn’t certain if he wanted to reveal so much about himself, but… It would help Aindriú help him, wouldn’t it? “I kept imagining him in the boy’s place, me in his place, and it was all I could do to keep myself from rushing in and tearing them apart, to throw out the one touching _my_ Nicholas. After… after he left, I… well, I confronted Nicholas about it, and he told me. Told me he’d wanted to be mine since he moved in, four months ago, but hadn’t thought I’d want him. I took him home, but because of other things we didn’t have time to talk about it until closer to midnight.”

Kieran took a deep breath. He’d spent quite a while last night, trying to figure out how to explain these things without accidentally revealing something he shouldn’t, something that might raise doubts regarding his or Nicholas’ nature. “To make a long story short, he wanted to belong to me, be mine completely. And he wanted me to punish him for having lied to me and for… having put himself in a situation where he could be blackmailed.” Shock ran through the two humans at that word. “It was taken care of, and I’ve already discussed it with Neassa,” he quickly told them, but they still smelled upset. “I’ve never… spanked anyone before. Never was spanked as a child, either. My father wasn’t the kind of man who needed violence or a belt to make people behave, and school wasn’t a problem.” His father had impressed on him the importance of toeing the line and obeying the teacher as if he was an alpha, no matter what his nature might be. “But it was what he needed, and if I’d refused it would have hurt him more than by doing it.” He swallowed, again seeing those marks on Nicholas’ arse, again feeling the mixture of lust and self-loathing at the bruising.

“Do you feel comfortable talking about it?” Aindriú asked when he didn’t continue right away. “You don’t have to tell me if you don’t want to, but I’m not going to lie to you; it _would_ help.”

No, Kieran didn’t particularly want to talk about it. Didn’t want to see the condemnation in Aindriú’s eyes or worse, the camaraderie. But Nicholas needed him to learn, and he needed to take care of Nicholas. “It’s fine,” he said shortly, then took a deep breath in an attempt to calm himself down. It didn’t particularly work, but there was nothing he could do about that. “I didn’t have any clue about how much or how hard was…” His lips twitched slightly. “I’m not sure if ‘appropriate’ is the right word or not, but let’s go with that. And I definitely had no idea about what he was used to, what he was expecting. So I decided I’d have him help out. Warned him that I wanted him to assess the first few hits and tell me how many like that was the minimum he’d feel satisfied with. I mean, since I’d decided to give him what he wanted, it’d be fairly pointless if he came out of it feeling I’d been too easy on him.” Aindriú nodded, and Declan was listening so intently that Kieran was almost expecting the boy’s ears to prick up and swivel toward him. “Then I bent him over the desk in my room and belted him.” It felt horrible, describing it like that, but there was no revulsion in either of their scents. Instead, there was a surge of desire from Declan, polite interest from Aindriú. “I don’t know if he expected me to stick to the number he gave me or not, but I...” He swallowed. “I didn’t. I’d intended to double it, but… when I realized how much I _wanted_ to go on, how much I _wanted_ to hear him cry out, to see him stay there and submit to my will… I just couldn’t. Had to drop the belt right then and there, or I just knew I’d never be able to stop.”

There was a slight hint of alarm from both humans then. Kieran half regretted admitting to that weakness, that horrible wish to hurt Nicholas, but he couldn’t take the words back now that they’d been said.

“But you _did_ stop,” Aindriú said gently, and if Kieran hadn’t been able to scent his worry he’d have assumed everything was fine.

He resisted the urge to close his eyes as he considered what Aindriú had said. Yes, he’d stopped. But if he were completely honest with himself, that wasn’t what he’d been worried about the most. It wasn’t that he might not have stopped. It was that he had _wanted_ to keep going. And that loss of control, that surge of desire that had _nothing_ to do with his lupine side or the person he’d been his entire life, _could_ have nothing to do with either, was in one word terrifying. But that wasn’t Aindriú’s concern – wouldn’t have been even if he’d been wolf – so Kieran merely nodded. “I did,” he confirmed out loud, glad that humans were nose-blind because even with the control over his scent that came with being an alpha he was sure another wolf would have found it very revealing.

“It’s important to know when to stop,” Aindriú began slowly and then paused for a moment as if he was looking for the right words. Kieran waited. “But it’s also important to learn when _not_ to stop. That’s why we use safe words. To give the sub a way out, to allow them to scream and beg and still trust that we know they don’t _really_ want us to stop. And it’s why you must always stop immediately once you hear that word, so they can trust that you know when they’ve had enough.”

Kieran’s stomach curled up into a tight, cold knot. “I don’t know his,” he said quietly. He’d have to correct that. He’d have to ask, just like Nicholas had asked that human submissive.

Aindriú frowned briefly, clearly upset by that but trying to hide it. “I will be honest with you,” he said. “To be a good Dom or top, you _need_ to make sure your sub has a safe word and knows to use it if necessary. _But_ ,” he went on before Kieran could draw breath to speak, “did you know that?” Kieran shook his head, and Aindriú nodded once, a sharp jerk of his head. “In this case, Nicholas was the more experienced of you, and if he’s known you for several months he should be aware of that. He should have told you about it.”

Kieran thought about that, and realized it was true. Kieran hadn’t known about safe words, and Nicholas had had no reason to believe he’d know about them. Nicholas _should_ have mentioned it. For a brief moment, Kieran wondered why he hadn’t. Had Nicholas assumed he’d use his nose? The omega had clearly been skilled enough to keep the human boy perfectly poised between pleasure and pain, and Kieran _would_ be able to smell if Nicholas had been… well, _too_ upset. But Nicholas had had years of practice with that; Kieran hadn’t.

Then he started worrying that perhaps Nicholas had communicated his safe word already, only Kieran hadn’t noticed. But if he stopped the punishment now, he’d go back on his word. He’d show weakness. And that was another thing… Could human subs really control their own punishments to that degree? He wasn’t sure how he felt about that. The part of him that still on some level compared this sort of thing to abuse was relieved, but there was also a part of him that was… upset, even angry, at that thought. “Does that really work? I mean, if you’ve said one thing… say, fifteen whacks with a belt or some other implement, and the sub uses his safe word after five, that doesn’t sound very… effective.”

“Oh, that’s a little different. There are a few ways to solve that issue. Some don’t use safe words for punishment, only for play, but I don’t like that practice since it holds too much risk for the sub.” He gently stroked Declan’s hair, and the young man leaned into the touch, clearly enjoying it. “Others – including me – allow the use of safe words during punishments, but it only means a postponement of the rest. So in your example, there would still be ten left, which would be carried out at a later time. And of course,” he said sternly, looking down at Declan, “a sub who has agreed to accept disciplinary measures but then uses his safe word without actually being in distress could easily find those ten strokes doubled.”

At the not-so-subtle threat, Declan only smiled up at Aindriú. “I wouldn’t do that, Sir.”

Aindriú returned the smile for a second or two before turning his attention back to Kieran. “That said, and especially since you hadn’t discussed his safe word beforehand, it was good of you to have him help you out. It’s not something every beginner would think of. What about aftercare?”

Kieran didn’t squirm, but he was decidedly uncomfortable as he replied. “I… didn’t think of that. Not at first. I sat down with him again to discuss the other parts of his punishment. We’d talked about that, and I’d asked him what types he’d faced before. From what he told me, just a spanking wouldn’t…” He hesitated, trying to find the right words without revealing anything he shouldn’t. “Wouldn’t make him feel forgiven,” he finally settled for. “One part of it is that he’s not allowed into Devotion – or a similar place – for the next two and a half months unless I’m with him.” He took a deep breath. “And the last is that I’m not going to touch him until this Thursday, and until then he’s not allowed to call me ‘Master’ or otherwise obviously submit to me.”

He caught Declan’s shiver as easily as he caught Aindriú’s raised eyebrows. Both of them were impressed, though clearly for different reasons.

“Subtle,” Aindriú said. “Why Thursday?”

Obviously Kieran couldn’t say it was due to the full moon on Wednesday night, but he didn’t need to since there were other explanations that would fit. “One week,” he said instead. “One week since he finally told me what he wanted.” Sure, that had happened last Thursday evening, and he fully intended to claim his omega the first thing he did after James was defeated, but these two didn’t need to know that part.

“Ah. And this has what to do with aftercare?”

“Nothing in itself, but… That’s what I did instead of making sure he was fine. I didn’t _know_ about it as such, but I had seen him comfort a sub earlier. It just took me a while to figure it out.”

Aindriú nodded. “And when you did figure it out?”

“I talked to him some more, told him all the things he’d done that I was proud of. And I decided to postpone the start of the last bit of the punishment until the next morning.” He shut up then. Part of him wanted to go on, wanted to reveal all the things that had bothered him about that night, wanted answers to the questions buzzing around in his head. He didn’t normally like to share such things with others, and in particular with humans, but… he’d already started, hadn’t he? He didn’t go on, however. He had a feeling he’d already overshared, and just because he’d asked what Kieran had done, kink-wise, it didn’t mean Aindriú wanted to know every single detail and conversation topic of that night. There was one more thing to be said, however. “I also spanked him again. With my hand. Not as aftercare, but before I sent him back to his room.”

No mistaking Declan’s wince again, and even Aindriú looked slightly surprised. The only thing he said, however, was, “Why?”

Kieran took a deep breath, then realized he was stalling. “Because part of what he’d been punished for already was not being honest with me, either through outright lying or trying to avoid answering questions. And he did it again when I asked which he’d prefer of me forbidding him to touch himself or not.” He wanted to explain further, tell them how Nicholas had asked for it, even encouraged him to up the number. He didn’t; he didn’t want to offer excuses, and that was what it would be.

“I see,” Aindriú responded, relaxing just a little. “Honesty is always important in a relationship.” He paused for a moment, studying Kieran intently. “One last question; what kind of relationship are you intending to pursue? TPE, domestic discipline, scene-limited…?” He trailed off there, his tone indicating those were suggestions rather than all the available options.

Kieran blinked once or twice before his brain kicked into gear, trying to remember what the various terms meant. Scene-limited was fairly obvious, though it wasn’t a term he’d come across. Part of him wanted to go for that, because it’d allow him times when he’d be able to ignore what had happened and pretend. But he also knew it wasn’t what Nicholas needed. Yes, Nicholas would most likely accept that – he’d seemed desperate enough to accept anything Kieran was willing to give him – but it wasn’t what he wanted. And if he were completely honest with himself, he wanted something more than that, too.

TPE, or Total Power Exchange had actually frightened Kieran a little when he read about it. Partly because he’d felt that it was what Nicholas wanted, that it had been what he’d lived through with his old pack, and Kieran had absolutely no interest of following _their_ trail. While he had to admit to himself that he liked seeing Nicholas on his knees, liked the extreme displays of submissions, even liked the control the omega gave up to him, he wasn’t sure he’d be able to handle all that _all_ the time. Some of what he’d read seemed to indicate he’d be deciding what clothes Nicholas would wear, when and what he’d eat, potentially even when and how he’d take care of his personal hygiene. It seemed like a lot of work.

Domestic discipline had seemed like a tamer version of TPE. He’d be in control, but only to a certain degree, only regarding specific agreed-upon areas. It’d be constant, but not necessarily extreme. Of course, he could have completely misunderstood the information he’d read, and it wasn’t certain he remembered all of it correctly either.

“I’m not sure,” he said honestly. “I know I want more than just during scenes, and I know that Nicholas definitely wants more than that. It’d probably be the easiest, at least for me, but it wouldn’t be fair on either of us.” He hesitated for a few moments before forcing himself to continue. “I like the thought of being in control at a moment’s notice, but I also need time to relax and be, well, normal.” He wouldn’t have admitted his need for wanting more than just sporadic domination if he hadn’t known that Aindriú knew full well the desire to be in control. Hell, even now he had Declan on his knees! “I just don’t know, not at this point. It’s too early, and I know too little – both about Nicholas’ needs and BDSM in general – to say how deep I want to go.”

To his surprise, Aindriú smiled at him and relaxed completely. A deep sense of satisfaction permeated his scent as he trailed his fingers through Declan’s short hair, his attention still on Kieran. “Good.” Huh? “It takes far more self-awareness to say you don’t know than to just pick something you think you want, and it takes courage to admit it, as well. I would be happy to teach you until you feel confident to move forward on your own.”

Kieran frowned. “You mean you hadn’t made up your mind yet?”

“Not completely. I’d agreed to meet with you, but not anything beyond that. What you’ve told me today, and in particular your answer to my last question, was what I needed to decide how and how much I’d teach you.”

When Aindriú explained it like that, Kieran couldn’t quite muster the anger he wanted to feel. He wanted to be annoyed at having potentially being called here only to be told to go home. Though it didn’t sound as if Aindriú would have declined to teach him entirely. Probably because of that whole ‘safe, sane and consensual’ motto he’d read about; leaving Kieran entirely without training would mean putting Nicholas in a potentially unsafe environment. “Thank you,” he said, nodding at the dominant human. “I’ll do my best to follow instructions.”

Aindriú burst out laughing at that, though he quickly stifled it. Kieran glaring at him might have had something to do with that. “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to laugh at you; you just sounded so reluctantly self-sacrificing. I couldn’t help it.” He smiled apologetically, and Kieran let go of his pricked pride enough to smile back and shrug.

“I’m not used to following orders; it’s not something I’ve done for several years now.” It would also be more difficult because Aindriú was human instead of wolf, but that wasn’t something he could say. “When do we start?”

Again, Aindriú chuckled. “Not today. Today is for getting to know each other and figuring out what it is you want to learn and at what pace.”

Kieran wanted to demand to learn everything before Wednesday night, but he knew that was a completely unrealistic expectation. So instead he said, “Well, I’d like to at least start before Thursday.” He smiled. “I will need to figure out an appropriate reward for Nicholas having endured this week, after all.”


	20. Chapter 20

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ...Compared to the last chapter, this one was a breeze to write. Let’s hope for more of this kind :3

_Nicholas_

 

Nicholas settled down in a corner of the kitchen, relaxing down on his knees and closing his eyes. The tiles were hard against his knees, and his jeans didn’t provide much padding. He didn’t need padding. He needed the hard surface to remind him of who and what he was, and why he wasn’t in Kieran’s room right now, serving his alpha in whichever way was demanded.

He’d screwed up. If he hadn’t been so selfish, James wouldn’t have been able to use him against Kieran. He’d chosen to join Devotion instead of informing Kieran of his need. He’d hidden himself from his alpha, hidden his desires, hidden his method of dealing with them. Because he’d assumed Kieran would never want him that way, because he’d assumed Kieran would be disgusted with him for admitting to his inability to suppress his instincts. So what? So what if Kieran had been disgusted with him? It would have kept the peace in the pack.

For that matter, he could have spoken up of his worries regarding James. He’d been anxious from the start, but he’d told himself it was just because James accidentally reminded him of past pack members. It hadn’t been James’ fault Nicholas had been worried about Kieran delegating too much power to another alpha; just because he’d lived through power struggles in the past didn’t mean that every alpha was desperate to seize control. Donna wasn’t. Despite being mated, Donna had never once given any indication that she thought herself more than Kieran. Speaking of Donna, why didn’t she have any cubs yet? She was getting close to forty, and had been mated for several years; any other pair would have had at least one or two cubs by now.

No, this wasn’t the time to consider Donna and her childlessness. This was about Nicholas, and how he’d mishandled things from the moment he joined the pack. He should have told Kieran then about his willingness to be used. He should have kept a closer eye on James, should have tried to find actual proof as his suspicion grew, should have spoken to Kieran about it. He’d been a coward, a selfish coward, unwilling to face Kieran’s displeasure at the newest and lowest pack member speaking out against his second-in-command, unwilling to face censure for his inability to remain vanilla. Perhaps Kieran would have forbid him to join the club, perhaps he would have allowed it, but either way Kieran would have _known_ about it. Would have known why Nicholas went there. He would have–

The kitchen timer buzzed, alerting him that his five minutes were over. Jumping to his feet, he shut it off before it could disturb anyone else, then held on to the kitchen counter while his body slowly caught up to the rapid change in position and his vision cleared.

He needed to eat more, he reminded himself, even as he left the kitchen and headed for the staircase. There was no need for him to make something right now; supper would be started in less than an hour, and he’d simply have to make sure he ate his fill then. Until then, he’d go through the unused guest rooms and make sure they were–

“Nicholas.”

He froze, one foot on the bottom step, as Jeremy’s voice reached him across the otherwise empty living room. A nervous tingle ran down his spine, but he turned toward the beta where he stood in the open doorway to Kieran’s room. He tilted his head in silent query, trying desperately not to think of the fact that Jeremy had been locked up in there for more than an hour and a half, almost ever since Kieran had come back home after whatever errand he’d left on.

“Kieran wants to talk to you.”

His apprehension didn’t go away, but it was joined by a sense of gratitude and desperate desire to please. Kieran wanted him. Wanted to talk to him, at least, but he had he opportunity to do something that would please his alpha. Without hesitation, he crossed the room, and Jeremy stepped aside to let him inside the room. Nicholas barely noticed the beta following him in and closing the door, his attention fixed on Kieran.

“What can I do for you, Kieran?” he asked. Again, he wanted to drop to the floor, wanted to show his submission in any way still allowed him, but he steeled his knees and reminded himself that Kieran didn’t like him kneeling.

“I’ve been talking to Jeremy,” Kieran began, and there was a distance in his voice that made Nicholas’ heart ache. “Can you guess the subject?”

Nicholas swallowed and nodded. Part of him had expected this would happen since he’d brought it up with Jeremy, had even expected the moment would come sooner than it had. “I can,” he said, quietly but surely.

“Are you willing to do this?”

There was no doubt in Nicholas’ mind what Kieran was asking him, but why was he asking in the first place? “Of course, Kieran. I am yours.” He was Kieran’s omega, his to do whatever he wanted to.

“Aren’t you going to ask me what ‘this’ is?”

He blinked. “I don’t need to know,” he responded simply. “Whatever you command me, I am willing.” Except that wasn’t what Kieran wanted to hear from him, was it? He quickly added, “I told Jeremy that I’d be willing to demonstrate, and I think he’d be better convinced if I didn’t know the details beforehand. I trust you to keep me safe.” This wasn’t a punishment, so he trusted Kieran. Even if the suggestion had come from Jeremy, Kieran wouldn’t have approved of anything too horrible, and even if he had it wasn’t Nicholas’ place to protest. Besides, neither of them had the sadistic experience in the subject that his old pack leader had. Hell, Jeremy wasn’t even inclined towards sadism, as far as Nicholas knew. It’d probably be something mildly humiliating but perfectly safe. Would they even go past the primary hypnotism example of making someone believe he was a chicken? Nicholas _had_ compared it to hypnosis, after all.

Kieran didn’t relax, but he nodded. “Look at me,” he said, in that tone that indicated he wanted Nicholas to meet his gaze, even as his dominance started to flood the room.

Drawing a deep breath, Nicholas obeyed, looking into those pools of silver, feeling as if he was drowning. His nostrils flared, taking in his alpha’s scent, wrapping himself up in it and putting aside all that he was, leaving himself empty and ready for whatever command Kieran would give him.

“Nicholas Teague, this is an order from your alpha: Until I speak your full name again, I command you to forget everything that has happened since you left your previous pack.”

The words thundered through his head, and by the time he’d made sense of them and realized what they meant, it was already too late. Something inside him was screaming in panic, shouting that it didn’t want to forget Kieran, but the scream faded into nothing within seconds.

For a few moments, Nicholas stood frozen where he was, trying to figure out what was going on. Where was he? Where was his Master? There wasn’t even a hint of his scent anywhere, and he knew Master had never been in this room before. Nor had Nicholas, at least not that he could remember. Then reality kicked in, and he took in the two wolves that were in the room with him.

He was standing. That was wrong, so wrong, especially when his freakish height made him taller than the alpha in front of him. Even as he registered his position, his knees buckled and he cowered before the stranger, the notepad he’d for some reason been holding in his hand dropping uselessly to the floor next to him.

He whimpered softly, begging the alpha’s forgiveness for whatever he might have done before he… woke up, came to, whatever the proper term was. He didn’t dare voice his apologies, not knowing why he was here. Had he been stolen?

He shuddered as he realized that no, he couldn’t have. Because memory crashed through, and he remembered Aingeal, Master’s mate, arguing his removal from the pack, how Master hadn’t protested. How Master had just looked into her face and smiled, his voice more gentle than it had ever been before as he simply said, ‘Consider it done.’

He swallowed, squeezing his eyes shut. Clearly, Master had followed through. Nicholas didn’t remember anything after that, so he must have been knocked out somehow. Had these wolves found him after he’d been thrown out? Or had he been given to them? The room they were in clearly belonged to the alpha; his scent was everywhere, so deeply entrenched in even the floorboards that he had to have lived here for months, if not years.

His jeans pinched the back of his knees, clutched tightly around his thighs. Why was he dressed? He hadn’t been for so long, unless they’d been around humans or if he was being decorated in some fetish outfit. Someone had to have dressed him while he was out, and he had to have worn the clothes long enough for them to smell of him and no one else. His body wasn’t aching, either, so it had to have been at least a few days since he’d last been aware, long enough to heal from his latest play session.

“Who are you?” the alpha asked him sternly, causing Nicholas to whimper again. The alpha didn’t know? Surely… surely he hadn’t been caught trespassing?

“I am no one, sir,” he whispered, unable to keep himself from answering a direct question like that. Then he curled in on himself even further as the alpha’s displeased scent reached him. The beta, on the other hand, was part amused, part astonished and shocked. Probably at Nicholas’ audacity for what he’d said. He’d clearly done something wrong; maybe he had addressed the alpha incorrectly, or answered the question the wrong way. “M-my name is N-Nicholas, if it pleases you, alpha,” he ventured, risking his life to offer the additional information, changing the title in case it was the ‘sir’ that wasn’t good enough. Master mostly called him ‘omega’ – ‘pet’ if he’d been good – but he wasn’t going to volunteer that information; every wolf was different, and this alpha would surely pick whatever name he wanted to call Nicholas soon enough.

“What’s the last thing you remember?”

Nicholas shivered. “I remember Master’s mate seeking to banish me from the pack, and Master agreeing to her request.” Demand, more like it, but it wasn’t his place to criticize his betters. “Then… then I was here, in this room, sir.”

The alpha growled deeply, his fury striking out at Nicholas and wrapping around him like barbed wire. He’d forgotten something! Something important, and he had no idea what it was. Terror gripped him, and he quickly rolled over on his back and bared his throat to the enraged alpha, squeezing his eyes tightly shut as he whimpered his abject apologies, praying he would at least be told what he’d done wrong before he was punished or killed.

“He is no longer your master,” the alpha snarled. Nicholas froze. The words, harsh as they were, helped him make sense of his situation. Mast– No, not Master. While it was difficult to even think of him in any other way after so long, he would have to learn. _Ethan_ must have given him away. Though even with Aingeal demanding it, Nicholas doubted he would have been _given_ away, not for free. No, Ma– Ethan would have made sure to have bartered him away for some kind of benefit, probably monetary. Which meant this alpha was now his master, at least for the time being.

“I understand, Master,” he whispered. “I apologize for the insult, and beg that you punish me to your satisfaction.” His words seemed to appease the alpha who stopped growling, his anger abating to something far closer to mere irritation. Still not daring to breathe a sigh of relief, Nicholas waited. He only wished he knew what to expect from his new master, that he had any sort of inkling to what this alpha might be interested in. What might his punishment entail? If he was lucky, perhaps it’d just be a flogging. While he waited, he briefly considered the beta in the room. Why was _he_ here? To witness something? Was he the alpha’s second-in-command? A disciplinarian?

“Not now. Jeremy?” The name wasn’t directed at him, but the ‘not now’ had been. Nicholas’ belly clenched at the thought of being denied forgiveness. Did his new master like to make him beg as well? “Did you want to ask him anything?”

The beta, clearly named Jeremy, prowled closer. “May I touch him?” Nicholas shivered, wondering if the beta’s touch would be harsh or kind.

The alpha growled briefly. “Within reason,” he said then, and took a step back.

Jeremy approached him and crouched down next to him. Nicholas didn’t open his eyes. Jeremy didn’t _smell_ angry, only suspicious and slightly curious, but even so the gentle touch to his cheek was a surprise. His surprise only lasted for a few moments. Grateful for the kindness, he turned into the beta’s palm and nuzzled him, his tongue darting out for brief licks, silently thanking the beta for not striking him.

“You’re frightened,” the beta stated quietly. It wasn’t a question, and his hand remained, so Nicholas simply went on lapping at his skin, tasting him. “Why?”

A direct question needed to be answered. Nicholas stopped licking. “I don’t know where I am or what’s expected of me, sir,” he said softly. “Will you please tell me what my new duties are, sir?”

Breathless hesitation next to him. Then, “For now, only answer my questions honestly.”

Nicholas pressed a brief kiss to the beta’s palm. “Thank you, sir.”

“What have your duties been before?”

That was an easy one, as long as neither of the two wolves were upset by the answer. “To provide pleasure and entertainment for my…” He scowled at his near-slip. “For my old master and his pack, sir. To obey orders promptly and completely. To anticipate their needs. To submit to anything requested of me without hesitation.”

Jeremy didn’t like the answer, that much was clear from the disgusted tone to his scent, but neither did he remove his hand. Nicholas whimpered and kissed Jeremy’s palm again, not daring to beg for an opportunity to redeem himself, not vocally.

“Did… Did you like your duties?”

Which was the correct answer here? But no, he’d been ordered to answer honestly. “I did, sir. I was useful, and allowed to serve as I am meant to.”

“Meant to?” Jeremy echoed, still vaguely disgusted but also puzzled.

“I’m an omega, sir,” Nicholas said, stating the obvious but being careful not to sound as if it should have been obvious. “I need to serve others.”

Jeremy swallowed, though why _he_ was nervous, Nicholas had no idea. “Sexually?”

“If that’s what you want, sir,” Nicholas said breathlessly, eager for a chance to prove his willingness to serve and submit. A sudden mixture of panic from Jeremy and aggression from the alpha made him shrink back down against the floor, baring his neck further. “I’m sorry, sir, I didn’t mean to presume.”

Jeremy seemed to ignore his apology, but the tension in the room abated just a smidge. “What I meant was, do you need to serve others sexually? Is that what omegas need?”

Mortified over his mistake, Nicholas whimpered. “Not necessarily, sir. Only if that would please my Master.” In what way he’d submit wasn’t up to him, he just needed to _submit_ ; as long as he had the structure he required, the rules and boundaries he craved, he was happy. It did frighten him, though, to imagine serving without the safety of sexual submission. He was good at it and he knew what to do, and he had very little clue as to _how_ he’d serve without that, but as long as he was given instruction, he’d be fine.

“And that,” Jeremy stated, momentarily confusing Nicholas before the rest of the sentence followed. “Why ‘master’?”

Oh. “It was what my former Master wanted, sir. The entire pack was involved with the BDSM scene,” he offered as explanation.

“Well, this one _isn’t_ ,” Jeremy snapped, and it was an effort for Nicholas to retain control over his bladder in the face of that sudden anger, especially when it was so obviously directed at him. He was glad he managed; they were indoors, and surely Master wouldn’t appreciate Nicholas’ urine on his floor. “You don’t–” He cut himself off and withdrew a little.

“Don’t, Jeremy,” the alpha interceded. “I rather like it.”

Relief washed over Nicholas, draining the tension from his body. He’d managed to do something right. He’d pleased Master. Master _liked_ being called that. “Please, Master,” he whispered, still not opening his eyes but directing his words at the alpha in the room. “Please tell me how I might serve you.”

“Just answer Jeremy’s questions,” the alpha said, reiterating the order Jeremy had given him earlier.

Ashamed that he’d forced Master to repeat an order, Nicholas quickly nodded. “Anything, Master. Please ask me whatever you like, sir.”

It seemed Jeremy took him seriously, because he was flooded with a bunch of questions, some of which didn’t even make sense. Why would Jeremy be asking him about ‘when he dominated humans’? He’d never done that. Why would he? He wasn’t dominant in the least. And he had very little clue about Dublin’s layout; he knew the pack’s home and hunting grounds and the road to and from the leather club, but other than that he could only navigate by scent. Not that he ever went anywhere else, not alone. Jeremy’s questions confused him, but he followed orders and answered as best he could, even when almost half the questions were answered with, “I don’t know, sir, I’m sorry,” the response more and more frustrated and distraught each time he gave it because he desperately _wanted_ to be able to answer the questions properly.

Finally, Jeremy seemed to run out of questions. He stroked Nicholas’ cheek again, and again Nicholas nuzzled the beta’s palm, wishing Jeremy or Master would tell him he’d been good, that he’d pleased them.

“Are you satisfied?” the still unnamed alpha asked.

Jeremy sighed, sadness tinting his scent, making Nicholas lick fervently in an effort to console the beta. “I am.” He withdrew his hand from Nicholas’ tongue. Holding back a whimper, Nicholas subsided on the floor, wishing he could make his new pack happy. “I’m sorry, pack leader. I shouldn’t have doubted you.” Again, Nicholas was confused, but he paid his own confusion little mind. It wasn’t for him to know everything that went on in the pack, as long as he did everything he could to serve.

“I forgive you, Jeremy, for what you did to me,” the alpha responded, with just the slightest emphasis on ‘me’ to indicate that Jeremy had done something toward another person, and that this act was harder to forgive.

“Okay,” Jeremy whispered. “Thank you.”

There was silence for a few seconds, and finally Nicholas dared to ask, “Have I pleased you, Master?” And then he could have wept. He didn’t need to hear Master’s response to know he was pleased; the warm satisfaction and pride in his scent wrapped around Nicholas with more pleasure than a million blowjobs.

“You have, pup,” Master nevertheless said, and then rewarded him with another opportunity to please him. “Come here.”

Eagerly, Nicholas rolled over again and crawled toward his Master, belly so low it almost brushed the floor, opening his eyes for the first time since he’d landed on the floor. He rose to his knees in front of Master’s feet, not quite daring to lean in and nuzzle Master’s thigh or cock. “Command me, Master,” he begged softly, desperately hoping he’d be allowed to pleasure Master with his body. It was selfish of him, but he so wanted to taste his master, or feel him inside of him. He wasn’t sure which would be better, which would more thoroughly demonstrate his willingness to be claimed and possessed.

A hand once more touched his cheek, but this time it was so much better because it was Master’s hand, not Jeremy’s. His eyes fluttered shut again as he leaned into the touch, reaching out to kiss and lick at the alpha’s wrist.

“I’m _very_ pleased with you, Nicholas Teague,” he said.

Nicholas barely had time to register the immense pleasure at having done something right before confusion hit him. He’d never given Master his last name. But that thought had no more than entered his mind before his world crashed around him, the memories of more than two years making themselves known again.

When he was able to think again, he was horrified to realize he was still nuzzling Kieran’s wrist despite being forbidden to submit. Pushing himself away, he staggered to his feet. “I’m sorry, Kieran,” he gasped, managing to get the address correctly. At least he was still dressed; with where his mind had been the past… however long it had been, that was a blessing in itself.

“Don’t be,” Kieran said gently. “You did very well. I said I was please with you, did I not?”

Nicholas swallowed and nodded. “You did. I just thought…” He trailed off, unable to quite voice the accusation that he’d thought Kieran had just been humouring him. And then he remembered how he’d treated Jeremy, how he’d begged for the beta’s indulgence. “Night, Jeremy, I’m sorry.” Jeremy had apologized to Kieran, probably for doubting that Kieran could command Nicholas to such a degree, but he must hate Nicholas even more now. It couldn’t have been easy to have the pack member you least liked slobber all over your hand. Alright, so there hadn’t really been any actual _slobbering_ going on, but Nicholas wasn’t sure there was much of a difference in Jeremy’s mind.

Jeremy approached him from the side, then paused and looked to Kieran. “Can I still?” he asked. Nicholas dared glance up at Kieran’s face. He didn’t seem too happy with Jeremy’s request, but he nodded.

Nicholas barely stifled a flinch when Jeremy’s hand came closer, but once again it was only lightly placed against the side of his face. Unlike last time, this time around he had enough willpower not to nuzzle the hand, though he did relax into the touch slightly as his apprehension drained away. Kieran wouldn’t have allowed Jeremy to hurt him; he needed to trust that.

“Don’t apologize,” Jeremy said, looking up at him. Nicholas met his eyes for a brief moment before lowering his gaze, acknowledging Jeremy’s higher rank. “To be honest, it was a nice ego boost compared to when you got all beta in my face.”

His heartbeat sped up. Did that mean Jeremy didn’t hate him anymore? There was no outright duplicity in his scent, even if he still seemed to hesitate about something. “I’m sorry I couldn’t answer your questions,” he blurted out, just in case that was what was bothering Jeremy. “I didn’t know the answers. If…” He glanced up at Kieran again, just to gauge his reaction. “If you like, I could answer them now. Well, most of them.”

“Would you?” Jeremy sounded doubtful.

Nicholas nodded. “Unless Kieran says I can’t. I want you to be happy, Jeremy.”

Jeremy lowered his hand, a bitter note to his scent. “Bit late for that now, innit?” he grumbled softly, clearly to himself, but the words still hit Nicholas hard, especially after the refresher course in submission he’d just gone through. He tried not to flinch, just about managed not to beg forgiveness and ask what he could do to please Jeremy. His reaction didn’t go unnoticed; Kieran wasn’t growling, but his scent still spread his displeasure around the room, and Jeremy’s mouth twisted into a grimace. “Sorry, Nicholas. You really did mean that bit about needing to please people around you, didn’t you?”

Nicholas looked down, trying hard not to feel any shame for his nature. He never had before, not even among humans who didn’t fully understand him. He’d always known that his own kind accepted all that he was, and the opinion of _humans_ didn’t matter compared to that, but since he’d joined this pack… It’d been the first time he’d had to worry about being _too_ submissive around werewolves. “Of course I did,” he managed. “I wasn’t lying.” He wouldn’t allow himself to think he’d made a mistake joining them, not when the alternative meant not being around Kieran.

Jeremy shrugged uncomfortably. “Didn’t think you were,” he admitted, seeming almost reluctant to do so. “But I wasn’t sure if it would still be the same.”

Nicholas shrugged as well. “I’m still an omega,” he reminded Jeremy. “I may have learned to be a little more self-reliant when I have to, after two years more or less on my own, but that doesn’t mean I’m not happiest when I can please someone else.”

Kieran cleared his throat slightly, and they both turned their attention to him. “As much as it would please me to listen, I do have work to take care of,” he said pointedly. Nicholas suppressed the freshly remembered urge to appease his alpha and apologize, reminded himself that it didn’t imply anything more than what was actually said. “You’d want to take this somewhere else.”

“Of course,” Nicholas responded.

“Sure,” Jeremy said.

Nicholas felt Kieran’s eyes on him, shivered under the scrutiny. “I trust you will remember to stick to the rules this time, omega.”

He swallowed, feeling vaguely dizzy, the old parts of him – freshly woken up by the regression – instantly berating him for causing his alpha, his master, to distrust him so. For failing to obey, even once. “I won’t disobey you, pack leader,” he swore. For a moment, it seemed like Jeremy would say something, but in the end he just nodded at Kieran before turning and heading for the door. Nicholas turned as well to follow.

“Nicholas.” He stopped instantly, for a heartbeat wondering if he’d made a mistake, but no; Kieran’s tone had been gentle, not commanding. “You may hold off washing until after your conversation with Jeremy. Make sure you’re done before we eat.”

Nicholas’ knees almost buckled out of sheer gratitude. “Thank you, Kieran,” he managed to respond once he got himself under control again. Even if it also meant not washing off Jeremy’s scent, Kieran’s was more important to him. Being allowed to keep it, even for just another half hour or so, was more than he deserved.

“You did well, Nicholas. Thank you. I’m sorry you were frightened.”

Nicholas couldn’t just leave that comment there. Heading back to Kieran’s side, he made sure not to lean close enough to touch, even when he wanted to. He didn’t want to push Kieran’s decision to delay his shower. “The person I was then would have been frightened. I wasn’t. I trusted you.” He swallowed. That wasn’t entirely true though. “The only thing that scared me was forgetting you.” Fortunately, that fear hadn’t lasted long, the reason for it vanishing together with his memories. “Did…” He hesitated, but forced himself to ask. “Did it upset you? To see me act like that, I mean.”

Kieran didn’t answer at first, and finally Nicholas dared to glance up, just for a moment, at his face. It was as carefully neutral as his scent, and Nicholas’ heart squeezed down in his chest. Finally, Kieran drew breath to speak. “It both did and didn’t,” he said slowly, gently. “It did, because you weren’t the Nicholas I’ve come to know, because you were still caught up in all the things… that happened before. Because it was something I’d forced on you, even if you’d agreed.” Nicholas shook his head, but Kieran didn’t pause long enough to allow him to protest. “Because everything in me screamed to protect you, but there was nothing I could protect you from. It didn’t because… because you were still Nicholas, and in order to take care of you now, I needed to understand what you’d come from. Because your willingness to help Jeremy is more than anyone could have asked from you.” He hesitated. “You still remember it all, then?”

Nicholas nodded. “I do. It will take me a little while to recover, to stop remembering how it felt to submit that deeply, but I’ll be fine.” Part of him didn’t _want_ to recover, wanted to throw himself into the surety of giving everything up to someone else, to never have to make another decision in his life, but that wasn’t what Kieran wanted from him.

“Maybe… Maybe some time later you can tell me about it?” Kieran asked, cautiously. “Help me understand you better?”

Nicholas swallowed, but nodded before he could think twice about it. It’d be hard to do, but he’d do it for Kieran. “I can. But… perhaps it would be better to wait until after this Wednesday.” He shot another brief glance up at Kieran’s face. “Not because I don’t want to talk about it, but because I’m likely to need comforting during and after, and it wouldn’t be right to beg that of you until you’ve forgiven me.”

He caught a glimpse of Kieran nodding. “It wouldn’t be,” he agreed. “Again, I’m sorry. This must have made it harder to endure.”

“A little,” Nicholas admitted. “Thank you, Kieran. It _is_ difficult, learning how to submit by not submitting, but I’m… I’m not going to give up.” Remembering it so vividly had set him back, but he’d work on it. Then again, maybe it wouldn’t be _that_ much more difficult. He’d be whatever Kieran wanted him to be, and while what Kieran wanted him to be was a lot different than what anyone else had ever wanted from him, the omega he’d been under Ethan had understood the concept implicitly.

Kieran swallowed. “I know. Now get going with you; Jeremy’s waiting, and you don’t have that long until supper’s ready.”

Dismissed, Nicholas simply nodded and left the room. Jeremy was indeed waiting outside in the living room, looking slightly ashamed of himself and very carefully not looking at Kieran’s door. Nicholas didn’t particularly see why he would be; it wasn’t as if he could have avoided overhearing the conversation since the door had still been open, and Nicholas didn’t really want to hide anything from the pack. Except that the majority of the pack didn’t exactly seem comfortable accepting him the way he truly was.

“I’m sorry I made you wait,” he said simply, ignoring the beta’s discomfort. Jeremy only shook his head.

“No worries.” They both scanned the room, Jeremy uneasily and Nicholas out of concern for Jeremy’s feelings. They wouldn’t have any chance of a private conversation, not here. Not when other wolves would show up at any moment to start preparations in the kitchen. Nicholas glanced at the clock, realizing he’d had to have spent at least twenty minutes in regression. Time had a tendency to get fuzzy when he was… Well, when he was that desperate to please. Which he had been. Without any framework of expectation, he’d been just as lost as he’d been right after he’d been thrown out. Except then he’d been completely alone.

“Your room or mine?” Jeremy asked, interrupting his reluctant reminiscing. “Not that my room holds any guarantee of being alone, since I share it with Mathias and Langdon, but…”

Nicholas hesitated. There was the risk of others walking in on them, yes. But apart from that, he wasn’t too keen on being in Jeremy’s immediate territory, even one shared with two other wolves. On the other hand, he wasn’t exactly eager to have Jeremy in his own room either – as much as a guest room could be his. While he wasn’t going to break any rules, having Jeremy’s scent in the room he slept in wouldn’t be pleasant. When the solution came to him, it seemed so obvious he felt silly for having missed it. “Why not one of the spare guest rooms?” he countered. “I haven’t cleaned them yet, so it wouldn’t really be any extra work for me.” Not that extra work would have bothered him; it’d give him something more to do.

“Sure.” Jeremy headed upstairs and Nicholas followed him. They were both quiet as they headed down the corridor leading to the guest quarters, but Nicholas was relieved to notice Jeremy went for the guest room furthest down the hall. Probably because that was the only one with two beds, which meant two places to sit. Maybe Jeremy was equally apprehensive over the thought of being in the same bed as Nicholas, even if all they did was sit and talk.

Nicholas obediently entered the room when Jeremy opened the door and gestured him inside. Allowing himself only a moment’s hesitation, he sat down on the left bed, scooted back against the wall and pulled his legs up. Not so much that he appeared to be cowering, just enough to feel more comfortable and not look like he was perching on the edge of the bed, ready to run off at a moment’s notice.

Jeremy sat down on the opposite, as expected, pulling just one leg up to rest his right ankle over his left knee. There were a few seconds of awkward silence. “My childhood pack never had an omega that I remember,” Jeremy confessed suddenly. “Not while I was living there, at least.”

“Oh.” Nicholas blinked, not entirely sure what to do with that information, barely understanding where the statement had come from.

“Pretty much all I learned about omegas when I grew up was that they were weaker than other wolves, that they needed to be protected.” He swallowed. “Once puberty hit, I also heard they were sluts, that they’d spread their legs for anyone who asked.” His cheeks were pinked, his scent carrying hints of shame. “It was just stuff they said, never meant seriously. At least I didn’t think it was. It was just… I think part of it was, you know, fantasies. Testosterone had never been higher, and even the sight of my sister naked would give me a boner. And the thought of someone who’d…” He broke off, swallowed again. He didn’t look at Nicholas.

Nicholas couldn’t really argue with what Jeremy had said. In some ways, he _was_ weaker than other wolves, and he did need someone to protect him. To own him. To set up rules for him. And… in the right circumstances, he _would_ spread his legs for any higher ranking wolf who wanted him. Unless that had been expressly forbidden by an even more dominant wolf, of course. Which it had in this pack. “I’m not upset, Jeremy. What you’re talking about is one of the functions an omega can have in a pack. To take care of unmated wolves and satisfy their needs. I’m not saying we’re all happy with the situation; I can’t speak for others, only myself. It’s easy for more dominant wolves to take advantage of us, since all our instincts tell us to obey.” He shrugged slightly. “In the best case scenario, an omega is a vital part of a pack, keeping the pack members satisfied and less likely to resort to aggression. He or she teaches the young wolves to care for more submissive wolves, and the ones going through puberty the values of safe sex – especially when it comes to opposite sex relations.” He smiled faintly at Jeremy, who was at least looking at him now even if he still seemed like he wanted to hide under the bed. “That doesn’t always happen.”

“Like with your previous pack.”

Nicholas scowled at him, ignoring the small voice in the back of his head screaming that it was rude to do so. He had orders to act like any other member of the pack, so he’d do so. “I’m not going to discuss them; I’m not allowed to without Kieran’s express permission. That’s what he was talking about when he reminded me to follow the rules. I shouldn’t have discussed them with you in the first place, but what’s done is done.” Still, he didn’t want Jeremy to believe his old pack had been _that_ bad. Yes, he’d been scared from time to time; yes, he’d been punished harshly for breaking the rules; yes, he’d been fucked until he was sore and then some. But he’d also _wanted_ those things. “But I will say this: I have never felt abused.”

Jeremy looked like he wanted to argue, but then shook his head. “Alright, I’ll drop it.” Nicholas could almost hear the unspoken ‘for now’, but ignored it.

“It’s not that I have anything to hide,” Nicholas explained. “It’s just that it upsets Kieran. And I don’t want to upset him.” He smiled softly. “I do wish, in a way, that I’d been part of your childhood pack. Well, technically that you’d had an adult omega, because if I _had_ been part of it, it would have been unlikely for me to end up in this pack with you, at eighteen or later, and I wouldn’t have met Kieran.”

That seemed to give Jeremy pause. “But… you’d have had another alpha, another pack. You’d still have been able to please other wolves. Probably more so than here.”

“But it wouldn’t be Kieran.” It was only because of Kieran that he’d been able to stand living among what amounted to humans smelling like wolves.

“Oh.”

Again, awkward silence filled the room. Opening his mouth, he decided to change the subject. Unfortunately, he spoke at the same time as Jeremy. “Did you–”

“So about–”

They both cut themselves off. Giving in to his instincts, Nicholas nodded to Jeremy, indicating he should go first.

“Ask,” Jeremy said instead, a clear order. Nicholas obeyed.

“I was just wondering, did you always know you were a beta?”

Jeremy frowned at him, but it didn’t seem like the bad kind of frown as there was no censure in his scent. He just seemed like he hadn’t been expecting that kind of question and didn’t really know how to answer. “Not really,” he said then, after a few seconds. “I mean, it was pretty obvious I was neither alpha nor omega, but until I was around fourteen or so I still wasn’t sure whether I was beta or gamma.” He seemed to hesitate. “You? Did you always know?”

Nicholas nodded. “The first couple of years, my parents thought I could end up either gamma or omega, that I was just polite and well behaved, but I never doubted. Well, I didn’t really _know_ I was an omega, but once I knew what the different ranks meant, it was more like I finally had a word for what I was. I don’t think I was much older than maybe five at the time.” He smiled; he may not have many memories from that time, but there were a few that stood out. “I remember being right scared at first, thinking I’d disappointed my parents, especially da, by not being a gamma. I just wanted them to be pleased with me. I think I said something to the point of ‘I can learn to be a gamma if you want me to, just say what you want me to do and I’ll do it’.” It was hard not to chuckle at the memory, at how obviously omega his request had been.

“And what did they say?” Huh, Jeremy didn’t seem to be asking out of politeness; he actually seemed interested in hearing the answer.

“They gave me the best answer they could have given an omega, if you ask me. ‘What we want you to do is to be yourself’, or something to that effect. I don’t remember the exact words, and most of it comes from my parents reminiscing. But I very keenly remember that having their approval was the best feeling in the world.” Part of him couldn’t help but wonder if they’d still be as supportive if they knew everything he’d been through and about the BDSM scene, but he liked to think they would.

“I see.” It didn’t really sound like he did, but Nicholas wasn’t intending to argue. Understanding couldn’t really be forced, could it? “Well, about those questions…”

“I’ll do my best to answer.”

“Thank you.” Still, he hesitated, and Nicholas wasn’t entirely certain why. He couldn’t quite interpret Jeremy’s scent completely. He was good with pleasure and pain and embarrassment related to those two, but he wasn’t sure how to pinpoint the mixture of shame, suspicion and resignation. The faint hint of fear, almost mild enough to be dismissed as mere ‘worry’, didn’t make it easier. Was Jeremy afraid of Nicholas’ answers? Or was he afraid that they wouldn’t be honest answers?

He hesitated as well, but when Jeremy still hadn’t spoken up once he’d thought about it both twice and thrice, he decided to go for it. “Would trusting me be made easier were I to submit to answering them up close?” He didn’t really like the thought of having Jeremy that close, but if it would make it easier for Jeremy, Nicholas could handle it.

Jeremy was quiet for another couple of seconds, but then he slowly nodded. “I… think it would,” he said softly. “Would you mind?”

“Not nearly enough to refuse.” He offered Jeremy a small smile. “You’re not the first person I’d choose to have that close to my throat, and I think you’d agree, but I truly want to help you understand and forgive me.”

He twitched, a startled look in his eyes and a tendril of pure shock in his scent. “Forgive you?”

Nicholas nodded, moving toward the edge of the bed. “For upsetting the status quo of the pack. For adding fuel to the hidden conflict between Kieran and James.” He slid down onto the floor and crawled the short distance to the other bed, where he knelt down in front of Jeremy. Jeremy’s scent now contained pain as well, pain and longing, something that evoked similar feelings in Nicholas. It wasn’t difficult to relate to, with how he missed Kieran touching him, marking him, feck, even whipping him. Sure, Jeremy’s feelings were unlikely to have a similar source, but that didn’t mean they weren’t understandable.

Jeremy swallowed and nodded. “I can’t promise anything, but I’ll try.” Nicholas nodded in return, willing to take it.

It looked like an effort for Jeremy to change position, to set his right leg down again and spread his knees so his feet were to each side of Nicholas’ knees. Nicholas shuffled forward a little bit further and rose up until he was of height with Jeremy. Closing his eyes against the inevitable, Nicholas tilted his head back and to the side, baring his throat. He tried not to tremble as the rustling of cloth heralded Jeremy’s approach, struggled to remain calm as he felt the warmth of Jeremy’s body, the heat of his breath upon his skin. Jeremy wouldn’t attack him, he told himself. Jeremy just needed to be able to take in even minor reactions to whatever questions he decided to ask. Just because Nicholas had volunteered to answer the ones Jeremy had asked before didn’t mean Jeremy would only ask those specific ones now.

Jeremy buried his nose against Nicholas’ skin, and Nicholas couldn’t stop a shiver from running down his spine. The feel of Jeremy’s breath as he inhaled deeply didn’t help.

“Why are you shaking?” Jeremy asked him.

Nicholas didn’t particularly want to admit how nervous he was, so he shrugged slightly. “Your breath tickles.” Which, technically, was true. He froze as Jeremy growled, the vibrations seeming to travel through him to settle in his belly, knotting it up tightly.

“You’re lying.”

Nicholas bit back a whimper. Of course Jeremy would be able to tell, especially when he was this close. “By omission, yes,” he admitted. “I’m sorry.”

“Tell me.” A second’s pause. “Please.”

“I…” He had to do this. Saying he’d answer questions like this, and then refusing to answer them wasn’t going to help. He had to give Jeremy the full truth, no matter how much it exposed him. “I can’t help it. I know intellectually that you’re not going to hurt me, but it’s not that easy to convince my instincts. You’re angry with me, and it’s difficult not to worry that you’ll take advantage of this position to do something about it.” He hesitated, but then steeled himself and forged on. “And until Kieran claims me completely, there’s a part of me that can’t trust that he’d protect me against you even when I know I should.”

The shame in Jeremy’s scent grew stronger. “I’m sorry,” he said softly. “Thank you for being honest. And for agreeing to this despite your worries.”

Nicholas breathed deeply. “I want to make amends,” he reiterated. “My discomfort is of little matter in the face of pack unity.”

“You… you do mean that.”

“I do,” Nicholas confirmed, even though it hadn’t exactly been a question. “Please ask whatever questions you need to. I promise I’ll answer them as honestly as I’m able to. All I ask in return is that you respect it should I say I cannot answer something without breaking Kieran’s rules.”

“I will,” Jeremy promised, and Nicholas let out a sigh of relief. Then he stilled himself and waited for the first question.


	21. Chapter 21

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Apologies to those of you who dislike scenes that don’t involve the main pairing. This chapter will contain that. Nothing sexual, but I wanted to give fair warning nonetheless.
> 
> And another warning: I haven’t given myself time to read through and adjust this chapter as much as I usually do, so there may be some errors and discrepancies. If you find any, or even something that makes you go ‘wait, what’s going on here?’, please feel free to tell me so I can fix it =)

_Kieran_

 

Kieran stared for a few, long minutes at the closed door before he shook himself and retreated into his office. Had he managed to reassure Nicholas enough? Even if he’d said he didn’t resent Kieran for forcing him into that mindset, Kieran couldn’t help but think he _should_. He felt like he could still smell Nicholas’ desperation to do _anything_ to please the two wolves in the room with him, his fear not of the fact that the two wolves were strangers but that he had no idea what they wanted from him. Of course, that part hadn’t so much been in his scent as in the words he’d said and the lengths he’d gone to in order to appease and plead understanding. The difference between that Nicholas and the one who’d joined them four months ago was… more than noticeable. _That_ Nicholas had been nervous and clearly submissive, yet had still retained enough presence of mind to talk openly to the other pack members after being introduced to them. Except…

With what Kieran knew now that Nicholas wanted, and what he’d seen right now, how much of the Nicholas who’d joined his pack had been an act? Had he been pretending to be more… whatever it could be called… than he was?

He shook himself again. No. He couldn’t think like that. He didn’t know how to handle a Nicholas who truly was like he’d just seen, so Nicholas _couldn’t_ be like that.

And then he immediately growled at himself for being a coward. Whatever Nicholas was, _whoever_ Nicholas was, Kieran was still his alpha, and he’d make sure Nicholas was taken care of. Besides, he wasn’t sure he’d mind just so much if Nicholas acted like that now and then, as long as it wasn’t all the time.

“We’ll manage,” he whispered to himself, the soft sound of his voice making the statement just a little more real. “Somehow, we’ll manage.”

Putting Nicholas out of his mind for the moment, he tried to focus on his other dilemma. Benjamin, Peter and Mathias. He glanced at the sturdy switch he’d cut himself on the way back home and then managed to sneak inside his room without anyone seeming to notice it. It may be a bit thicker than what descriptions on the internet had suggested, though still whippy and bendy, but on the other hand werewolves were somewhat sturdier than humans.

Benjamin and Peter, he knew, would accept being switched as proper punishment. Kieran might not be entirely comfortable with it, but he could deal with it. He’d thought about it for as long as he thought he could without coming full circle in his argument with himself. It was a one-off, it wasn’t torture, and it would help them feel better. And if he disliked it himself, that was his own punishment for failing to see what his pack members needed.

Mathias on the other hand, was clearly _not_ into that sort of stuff. Which meant Kieran had to consider his part of it carefully. The best he’d come up with so far was to deny him mating rights for now, but that would end up punishing Aidan as well, which wasn’t entirely fair.

Closing his eyes, he ended up considering what to do about Mathias for a while longer, until there was a knock on his door and Kelly’s voice informed him food was on the table.

 _Out of time_. Sighing, he joined the others by the table. A few seconds later Charlie came downstairs, presumably after having given Samantha her supper. Kieran ate slowly, barely tasting the food, too busy trying to sort out the last details in his head. When he finished, he waited for everyone else to be done as well.

“Thank you,” he said, nodding to Kelly and Benjamin who’d been on kitchen duty. “It was good.” At least he assumed it had been. Scanning the wolves at the table, he quickly went on, “Before you leave…” Caleb, who’d just been about to stand up, sat down once more, with not even a hint of annoyance in his face or scent. Kieran couldn’t help but feel proud of the immediate compliance to his words. “There’s one more thing to take care of. It’s been a few days, I know, but there are three wolves who haven’t faced any consequences of what happened Thursday.” There was no need to point them out; everyone’s attention was instantly split between him and the three in question, who in turn kept their eyes firmly on the table. “I will not keep them waiting longer; as soon as the table is cleared, it will be dealt with.”

Kieran couldn’t help but wonder at how his voice remained calm and even, no sign of his discomfort, his trepidation, his extreme lack of experience. But, he reminded himself, he was an alpha, and self-control was something he knew very well. While the other wolves cleared the table, he retreated to his office to fetch the switch. Halfway back out, he hesitated.

Aindriú had mentioned that a good Dom never used an implement on a sub that he hadn’t felt the touch of himself, at the very least on an arm or a leg. Putting the switch down on his bed for a moment, he unbuttoned his left cuff and rolled back the sleeve. Holding his arm steady, the more sensitive inside upward, he gripped the switch tightly and took a deep breath as he raised it. He tapped the switch down lightly on his arm, flinching more in anticipation of pain than from actually feeling it. He frowned. He’d read that canes and switches required a lighter hand, but clearly that had been _too_ light. He’d barely even felt it. Five seconds after, he could no longer tell where it had landed. He tapped the switch against his arm again, a little harder this time. His skin tingled briefly, but again the sensation was gone before many seconds had passed. Still not enough.

He allowed himself a second’s hesitation as he steeled himself. Then he struck, a quick twist of his wrist to send the switch whistling down toward his arm.

He almost yelled in shock and pain as fire sliced across his lower arm. Gritting his teeth, he tossed the switch to the bed again, gripping his wrist firmly as if it would stop the tendrils of almost electric burn to spread outwards from the bright pink line across his left arm. Even as he watched it, the mark seemed to become clearer, its colour deepening slightly. Cautiously trailing his fingers across it, he could feel the faint swelling. Part of him was fascinated, part of him nauseated. This was what Nicholas wanted. This was what he was going to subject his wolves to.

And he was stalling.

Before someone would get the bright idea to see where he’d gone off to, he rolled down his sleeve again and buttoned it.

Eyes turned toward him as he stepped out from his bedroom. The air practically exploded with emotions once they saw what he was holding. Shock, worry, lust, fear, envy, gratitude, grief. Too many, all at once, to pinpoint just who gave off what. Letting his gaze slide across the group of wolves standing around waiting for him, however, gave him a few more clues. Most of them were, to some degree or other, shocked. Several were showing signs of worry as well. He came closer, and the scents separated slightly into distinct tones, and he focused on the important ones waiting for him. Benjamin was worried, that much was clear, but he was also grateful. There was a faint edge of arousal to his scent, but not to such a degree that he’d be embarrassed to undress. Peter was also grateful, if a bit more stoic. He didn’t particularly _want_ this, but he did on some level feel he needed it. Mathias… Mathias was frightened, unable to take his eyes off the switch. Kieran felt he could almost _hear_ the beta’s thoughts going, ‘Please don’t do this, please don’t.’

He hadn’t intended to look at Nicholas, but he found himself doing so before he could control himself. And he quickly stifled the stab of hurt when he realised Nicholas wasn’t even looking at him. Instead he was staring at the far end of the room with a blankness to his eyes to indicate he wasn’t completely present. Once Kieran’s nose separated Nicholas’ scent from the others, however, he calmed down. Nicholas wasn’t unaffected; if anything, it was the opposite. He was aroused, envious, worried and sad. Kieran wanted to reassure him, wanted to tell him it’d be okay. He didn’t.

“Mathias Ward, Peter Cavanaugh and Benjamin Quirke,” he said, turning his attention back to the three werewolves nervously waiting for his judgement. “You stand before me to take your punishment for the disrespect shown Thursday last week. For allowing the wolf known as James to take advantage of your silence.” He looked at Benjamin, who’d mentioned unhappiness with how James had done his job. “For failing to come to me when you had concerns regarding my second-in-command.” Really, if someone had just _talked_ to him about things, a lot could have been avoided. How long had they kept quiet? How long had _Kieran_ been missing hints that something might have been wrong?

He mentally shook himself. That was a topic best left for later. Right now he needed to focus on what had to be done. “Do you have any objections to that?” he asked.

“None, pack leader,” they responded, almost as one, with little to no hesitation.

Kieran let his gaze slide across the others. “Does any one else have them?” He didn’t expect any, but to his surprise Nicholas took a step forward, looking up at him briefly before turning his eyes to the floor. Kieran sighed. Of course. “Speak.”

“With all due respect, pack leader, the last infraction…” He hesitated, then seemed to steel himself. “I am also guilty of that.”

Kieran held back the urge to groan. Now that Nicholas brought it up, he remembered what had been said last week at the club, that Nicholas felt that James sometimes might prefer not answering to anyone. He looked to the others. “Anyone else?” He did his best to keep the bite from his voice, not wanting to frighten anyone to silence.

Kelly glanced toward Nicholas, then slowly raised her hand. “I, too,” she said quietly when Kieran nodded at her to speak up, “opted not to talk to you when he made me uneasy, pack leader. It didn’t feel important enough, and I didn’t want to make a mountain out of a molehill.”

He waited for a few moments, somewhat relieved when no one else said anything. Maybe he wasn’t quite as blind as he’d feared he was, if James had managed to fool the majority of the pack. Then he very nearly sighed. Had it been just Nicholas who’d admitted to it, he could have chosen to deal with it later, but with Kelly as well… He thought quickly, then made his decision. “Very well,” he said. “Kelly Breen, Nicholas Teague, stand forward.” He gestured to where Benjamin, Peter and Mathias were lined up and waiting. The two obeyed readily, Kelly only a little slower than Nicholas. “I’m going to give you all a choice,” he went on then. Benjamin blinked in surprise and Peter looked curious; the other three didn’t seem to react much. He held up the switch slightly, drawing their attention to it. “You can choose to accept this. For each infraction, five strokes on bare skin. That means fifteen for Mathias, Peter and Benjamin, five for Kelly and Nicholas. If you don’t accept it, you will be punished in another manner that doesn’t involve physical pain.” He paused, letting them consider it for a few seconds. “Benjamin, how do you answer?”

Benjamin swallowed, then nodded. “I accept, pack leader.” He spoke calmly enough, but his scent revealed that he wasn’t just accepting it but welcoming it.

Kieran nodded in confirmation, then gestured to the sofa. “Bend over the back, jeans down.”

“Yes, sir,” Benjamin responded automatically, then paused mid-step as he seemed to realise what he’d said. “I mean, pack leader,” he corrected, red-cheeked. When Kieran said nothing, he hurried over to the sofa, unbuttoning his jeans as he went. Pushing them and his briefs down to his knees, he bent forward, catching himself with his hands on the seat. It didn’t pass Kieran by that he kept his thighs firmly together, though whether it was to keep everyone else from seeing his bollocks or to protect them from the switch he couldn’t tell. If he were to guess, however, he’d guess at the latter.

Realizing he was keeping Benjamin waiting, Kieran slowly followed him to the sofa, forcing his emotions further into the distance to prevent them from mucking up his scent and revealing the confusing jumble of feelings he held regarding this. Fifteen strokes. He could do this. Just fifteen strokes. And then fifteen more. And at least five more. He knew Peter would take the switch, as would Nicholas. Would Mathias? Would Kelly?

He positioned himself to the side of Benjamin, pausing as he remembered what Aindriú had told him. “Say my name once you can’t take anymore,” he stated, and he heard more than one wolf hold their breath in what had to be shock. “I will give you some time to recover before I continue. Do you understand?”

Benjamin, one of those holding his breath, let it out as he nodded. “I understand, pack leader. ‘Kieran’ to stop.”

Breathing slowly to calm himself, Kieran raised his arm. Recalling the strength he’d used for that last practice strike, as well as the sound the switch had made as it fell, he snapped the switch against Benjamin’s arse. Benjamin grunted through gritted teeth, his fingers trying to dig into the cushions. A line of bright pink stood out against his pale skin. _One down. Fourteen to go._ Kieran raised the switch again.

The fifth stroke had Benjamin bend his head in against the back of the sofa, until he was almost doubled up. By the next, his strangled cry was slightly muffled. Peering down, Kieran imagined he saw Benjamin biting into the sofa. His scent was filled with pain and regret, and the same need to please he’d come to recognise from Nicholas. “Nine left,” he informed the gamma. “Can you stand it?”

Benjamin drew in a shuddering breath, but raised his head slightly. “I can, pack leader. Please.” He didn’t specify his plea, only lowered his head again. Was he asking Kieran to continue, or to go easy on him? He hesitated for a few seconds. Then he raised the switch one more time. Benjamin hadn’t said his name; Kieran might not know that much about it all, but he did know enough about safe words now to know a sub didn’t _really_ want things to stop unless the safe word was used.

It was too easy to use more strength than he should, too easy to miscalculate. The eighth stroke, he failed to hold back. He could tell from the whistle through the air, even before Benjamin shrieked into the couch, scrabbling at it to remain in position. Kieran winced, wanting to apologise. Instead he stood there, watching the darker red line stand out from the rest. The skin was unbroken, thank fuck. Still, he made sure to keep more careful track of how hard he hit as he continued, even kept the next one a little lighter in compensation.

After each strike, he expected to hear his name from Benjamin, but while the boy screamed and cried, ‘Kieran’ was never articulated. It was a relief when the fifteenth line decorated Benjamin’s arse and it was over. For now, at least. Benjamin remained in place, as if he’d either lost count somewhere and thought it wasn’t over yet, or had no idea what to do with himself. Taking one step closer, Kieran placed his hand gently in the small of Benjamin’s back, rubbing lightly back and forth.

“Fifteen. It’s done. Can you stand?”

Benjamin slumped down as if every bone in his body had turned to mush. He mumbled something into the cushions that sounded vaguely like, “Don’t know.” Kieran waited patiently, and after a few seconds, Benjamin began to push himself up from the sofa. His arms trembled as he held himself up, but he didn’t lose his struggle. Reaching out, Kieran took hold of his shoulder and helped him the rest of the way, pulling him upright. Then, on impulse, he didn’t stop there but pulled the gamma into a hug.

“You did good,” he said softly to the stunned Benjamin. “You’re forgiven.”

Benjamin swallowed. “Th-thank you, pack leader,” he whispered hoarsely, and Kieran wasn’t sure how much of the huskiness was due to emotion and how much was soreness. Stepping back, he held onto Benjamin’s shoulder until he was certain the boy could stand on his own, steadied him as he reached down to pull up his clothes. Then Kieran turned and surveyed the other wolves.

Most of them looked slightly shocked, but none had left the room. Mathias was pale-faced and smelled as if he’d rather run and hide. Kieran had to admit he was slightly impressed that the beta was still there. Then he turned his attention to the wolf next to Mathias. “Peter, how do you answer?”

Peter nodded, remarkably calm. “I accept your discipline, pack leader.”

Again, Kieran nodded in return. He hadn’t really expected anything else. He hadn’t even thought out an alternative for either him or Benjamin; that’s how certain he’d been of their choice. Stepping aside, he indicated the sofa that Benjamin had vacated by stumbling back to the rest of the pack members. Peter stepped forward and took his place, baring his arse. “Remember, say my name should you need a break.”

“Understood, pack leader,” Peter responded. Over the back of the sofa, Kieran could see him closing his eyes and taking a few, slow breaths as he composed himself. Kieran slowed his own breathing to the same speed, then raised his right arm.

Peter was a lot more stoic in the face of his punishment than Benjamin had been. The first two strikes were only marked by a soft hiss and a flinch. The third brought a soft grunt. By the seventh, he was still quiet, and had it not been for the tinge of pain to his scent Kieran would have wondered if he even felt it. Still, it was frustrating, and the frustration fuelled his arm. The whistle of the switch through the air went up in pitch.

“Fuck,” Peter groaned, rocking forward against the sofa. Kieran’s nostrils flared as he drew Peter’s scent in, but there was no resentment, no fear. There _was_ a slightly sour note of disappointment, followed by determination, but Kieran wasn’t entirely sure whether Peter was disappointed in himself or Kieran. He waited a few moments extra, giving Peter the chance to protest, to stop it. Peter said nothing, only slowly relaxed again, pushing his behind out just a little bit more. Silently signalling his readiness, inviting the next stroke.

Figuring that Peter could handle slightly harsher treatment, Kieran chose to continue with the same force that had caused Peter to lose control, ready to pull back again should he detect any signs of undue distress.

The ninth stroke was followed by a, “Shit,” from Peter, the next with another, “Fuck!” The words were quiet, little more than whispers, but emphatic. His hands clenched down on the cushion, knuckles whitening with the effort to stay still, but his back remained straight even as his arms trembled beneath him. The softly spoken litany of curses went on, until Kieran landed the fifteenth and then lowered the switch.

“Well done, Peter,” he said gently, leaning over to help him stand. Pulling him close, he was slightly surprised when Peter leaned into the hug without any of the stoicism he’d shown during the punishment.

“Thank you, pack leader,” he said quietly. Frowning slightly over Peter’s shoulder, Kieran wanted to ask what for, but the question proved not to be needed. “For agreeing to my request. And for taking this seriously.”

Oh. Kieran smiled and hugged Peter tightly for a second or two. “You’re welcome,” he said simply, “and you’re also forgiven.” Again, he supported Peter as the gamma pulled up his trousers, before stepping back and turning around. More than halfway through, he told himself, even as he steeled himself for what might come next. “Mathias,” he said, drawing the man’s attention. “What’s your choice?”

The beta hesitated, obviously unnerved by what he’d witnessed. His gaze flickered to Peter and Benjamin, who were discreetly helping each other stand. “What… what would the alternative be, pack leader?” He licked his lips nervously. “Can I know before I choose?”

“You can,” Kieran answered calmly. He hadn’t really planned to make anyone choose blindly. “If you choose the non-physical punishment, you will be forbidden from taking a mate until I do.” Yes, it was rather open-ended, and it didn’t only affect Mathias, but he hoped it also showed that his intention to take back control of his pack wasn’t just words. Though to be fair, he didn’t think it’d be too long until he took a mate of his own; he _was_ getting on in years, and if he wanted to adopt a cub it’d be far easier if he wasn’t single.

For a moment or two, Mathias just stared at him, as if he didn’t understand what he’d said. Then, even as Aidan sucked in a sharp breath, the blood slowly drained from Mathias’ face until he was pale as chalk. Tearing his eyes away from Kieran, Mathias met his would-be-mate’s desperate gaze. For a few heartbeats Aidan met his gaze before looking down in submission, body and scent signalling his acceptance to abide by whatever decision Mathias would make. He didn’t say anything out loud, but he didn’t have to either when the rest of him was so eloquent. Kieran waited patiently; he didn’t want to rush Mathias’ decision. Finally, the beta turned back to him. “Fifteen strokes, pack leader,” he whispered hoarsely, tense with fear and a desperate willingness to prove himself. “I accept.”

Kieran nodded, part of him relieved. Not because he wanted to hit Mathias, but because it somehow distanced the thrashing from BDSM and put it more firmly in the box labelled ‘pack discipline’ instead. And because of that, because he didn’t want to treat any of them different from the others, because he didn’t want himself to start thinking that it was fine to whip Benjamin or Peter because they ‘were used to it’, he couldn’t go easy on Mathias.

Without needing to prod Mathias to what he wanted, the beta approached him and the sofa, eyes fastened to the switch in Kieran’s hand. Fumbling with his clothes, it took a while for Mathias to get the button and zipper to cooperate with him, but then he pushed jeans and boxers down. Kieran stepped into place.

“Keep in mind, Mathias, that you can stop this for a while. Just say my name, and I’ll let you rest. I won’t think badly of you if you do.”

Mathias swallowed. “They didn’t.”

Kieran nodded, though Mathias wasn’t looking at him. “They didn’t,” he agreed, guessing at what was going through the beta’s head. Probably promising himself he wasn’t going to do any worse than two _gammas_. “And I don’t think any less of them for that, either.”

Startled, Mathias twisted around to look at him. “What?”

“In case I wasn’t clear: If you need to take a breather, you _will_ say my name. It doesn’t matter if it takes five minutes or an hour for the punishment to be fully delivered. Either way, you _will_ take it, and you _will_ be forgiven.” He looked hard at Mathias, the beta’s eyes widening slightly for each word spoken. Neither of them looked away, though Kieran would wager Mathias wasn’t sure how to at the moment. “Is that clear?”

Mathias kept staring at him for a few moments longer. Then he swallowed and nodded, breaking eye contact. “It is, pack leader,” he pressed out.

Kieran waited until Mathias had settled down once more, and then let the switch fall the first time.

“Ow, fuck, shit!” came Mathias’ yelp as he jerked almost completely upright. Kieran tried to wait patiently, and after a few seconds, the beta stiffened and glanced over his shoulder. “Sorry,” he mumbled and bent down again. “Wasn’t prepared for it.”

“You know what to say if you need a break,” Kieran reminded him. “The next time you do that without saying my name, I will not be as considerate.”

Mathias shuddered. “Got it, pack leader.”

The beta managed to take three more, cursing and whimpering, before the fifth made him squirm out of position. A second passed, then, “Kieran, I’m sorry.”

Kieran, who’d been holding his breath, wondering if he’d have to step it up as he’d threatened, promised, now let it out. “Don’t apologise,” he said gently. “You’re one third through. Take the time you need to collect yourself.”

Mathias nodded, but Kieran could smell his frustration, his fear. He was glad, in a way, that he’d waited with Mathias instead of letting him go first. Sure, it would have been easier for Mathias to _make_ the choice, but he’d have been completely unprepared for it. Had he ever been even spanked when growing up? Kieran wasn’t sure, but if so, he was sure it had been long ago that the memory of it had faded.

“I’m ready,” Mathias mumbled, bending down over the sofa’s back again. Kieran saw him fidget, his hands moving over the cushions as if he didn’t know what to do, or didn’t know if he’d be able to stay there.

“Would you like someone to help you stay in place?”

Mathias stiffened, colour rising in his cheeks – what little of them Kieran could see. Then he slumped down, nodded. “Yes, please,” he whispered, barely loud enough for Kieran to hear it.

Kieran turned to the watching group. There were several who’d be able to, and any of them would if he asked them. But to Kieran, there was only one choice. “Aidan.” The gamma’s eyes widened, but he hurried forward.


	22. Chapter 22

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As it turns out, Nicholas' chapters are so much easier to write than Kieran's ^^;  
> Again, feel free to point out any mistakes I might have missed exterminating! I do know I'm still having issues with -ize vs. -ise (e.g. realize vs. realise), since I mainly learned British English back in school, yet was taught the -ize version. I fully blame my teachers for making the -ize versions look more correct, but I'm working on it.

_Nicholas_

 

Nicholas wasn’t entirely sure just why he’d decided to speak up. He’d been unable to look at Kieran, knowing he’d reveal all too much about what he wanted, how much he wanted… Not to be punished, no, but to be _noticed_ , to be taken in hand and shown how to make his master happy. But he’d already been shown that, hadn’t he? He had to act like any other wolf of the pack, like he wasn’t an omega, like submitting to Kieran wasn’t the only thing that occupied his mind. So he’d looked away, pretended not to care. Pretended not to worry that Kieran was pushing himself out of his comfort zone. It was too much, too soon, and he’d never have even thought of it had it not been for Nicholas. So why had he spoken? Why had he gotten himself involved in it? Why had he stepped forward when Kieran asked for objections?

“Speak,” Kieran ordered then, and the time for take-backs was gone.

“With all due respect, pack leader, the last infraction…” He hesitated. Was this really the right thing to do? But no, he’d promised to be honest with Kieran, and he couldn’t, just _couldn’t_ , keep quiet about this when it so clearly had been listed as a punishable offence. “I am also guilty of that.”

He wanted to cower, wanted to apologise. Kieran was so clearly unhappy with his decision to speak up. Maybe he should have brought it up later? But he held his ground, kept his back straight and his mouth shut. Listened quietly as Kelly admitted to having kept her distrust of James to herself. Idly, he wondered how long she’d been hiding it. He tried to think back, tried to remember if he’d ever known her to be in the same room as James without the rest of the pack present. Maybe. He didn’t know.

“Very well,” Kieran said then. “Kelly Breen, Nicholas Teague: stand forward.” His gesture to where Benjamin, Mathias and Peter were lined up made it clear what he meant. Nicholas didn’t allow himself to hesitate; he’d volunteered for this by speaking up, and he wasn’t going to shame his alpha by appearing reluctant to face the consequences. Kelly quickly followed suit and took her place next to him. “I’m going to give you all a choice,” Kieran went on. A choice? Nicholas waited patiently. He wasn’t going to make any assumptions. “You can choose to accept this.” Kieran raised the implement in his hand, somewhere between a switch and a cane. Nicholas’ eyes were glued to it as he took in the proposed number of strokes. Part of him wished he’d get more than just five, but he wasn’t going to argue. Kieran had made his decision, and while he _had_ said that Nicholas was welcome to discuss the severity of punishments – or their absence – he wasn’t about to do that in front of everyone. He barely paid attention to the offer of a painless alternative, knowing he wouldn’t take that option even if Kieran had been given time to come up with one.

Benjamin was first one to choose, and it didn’t surprise Nicholas that he opted to be switched – while he was sure the resulting pain would be duller than that of a proper switch due to its width, the implement was far too bendy to count as a cane. Nor did it surprise him that Benjamin had slipped into a mindset more at home in a scene than here at home. He’d bet his entire income that this was the first time Kieran had even proposed to discipline a pack member like this.

It did, however, surprise him when Kieran effectively gave Benjamin a safe word and told him to use it should it become too much. When had Kieran learned about safe words? He gazed thoughtfully at them. Sure, it had been mentioned, very briefly, during the negotiation with the human, Derek, but not _explained_. Then again, Kieran had access to the internet. Had he done some research? Part of him was touched that Kieran would go to such effort, but another part was horrified. Had he forced Kieran to do that too, somehow?

Benjamin was, as always, vocal, and to someone who wasn’t used to it Nicholas was sure it must look awful harsh. Fortunately, or perhaps _un_ fortunately, Nicholas _was_ used to it, used to using his nose to determine people’s tolerance levels, and he knew Kieran wasn’t really pushing Benjamin even half as hard as he could. Sure, Benjamin was a little shaky afterwards, but Nicholas was convinced it was more due to the emotional shock of _Kieran_ doing this than the actual punishment.

Peter was next, and also picked the proposed fifteen strokes without much comment. Nicholas hadn’t seen him sub that often, but often enough to recognize the near-silence with which he took the pain. That was, until Kieran apparently took his silence as a challenge and increased the force, making Peter curse softly with each hit. Peter could, Nicholas knew, handle more than that, but… he couldn’t help but feel proud that Kieran could bring him to the point of losing composure, especially in less than fifteen strokes. So was Peter, apparently, as he thanked Kieran afterwards, softly enough that a human wouldn’t have heard it from where Nicholas stood.

When Mathias inquired about the painless alternative, Nicholas wasn’t surprised, but it _did_ surprise him to hear what the alternative would be. He certainly sympathised with the anguish in Mathias’ eyes as he looked to Aidan. To be so close to his would-be mate, and not be allowed to take that last step? Nicholas knew all too well how painful that was. And Aidan, so willing to accept Mathias’ decision no matter what it was. If asked, Nicholas wasn’t sure Aidan would be able to say which option he wanted Mathias to pick, and he understood completely. The two were very obviously in love, and to watch a loved one be punished – especially for someone not into the lifestyle – had to be just as painful as being forbidden to deepen the relationship. At least the thought of either; the former would be over quickly, while the latter could last for weeks, if not longer.

In the end, Mathias picked the switch, clearly preferring intense pain now instead of having to wait for who knew how long to make good on his intentions with Aidan. Nicholas hoped his resolve would last.

“I won’t think badly of you if you do,” Kieran told Mathias, urging him to safe word if he needed. Nicholas’ heart warmed to see him be such a good Dom, just like that.

“They didn’t,” Mathias argued, naturally, and Nicholas could see the rest of the argument. _They_ hadn’t safe-worded, and _they_ were just gammas. Mathias was a _beta_ , and should be able to handle more than a mere gamma. Except it didn’t have anything to do with betas or gammas. If anything, it’d be harder for a beta. Yes, he was still submissive compared to Kieran, to his alpha, but… if he’d belong to either dynamic, Nicholas would definitely peg him as a Dom. It was obvious, watching him and Aidan together, how he was the rock Aidan clung to. And to then have to be vulnerable like this?

“They didn’t,” Kieran agreed. “And I don’t think any less of them for that, either.”

For a moment, Nicholas blinked, not understanding what Kieran was getting at, and Mathias seemed equally confused. Then Nicholas understood, or at least thought he did. Kieran was trying to say that it was worse to need to safe word and not using it because you thought you _had_ to endure the pain. Kieran didn’t explain it to Mathias, only emphasised that he more or less _demanded_ Mathias to safe word if he needed it. Once Mathias had acknowledged the command, it began.

Right from the start, Nicholas knew Mathias wouldn’t be able to handle it. Not because of the physical pain of it, though Mathias was kind-hearted enough to not enjoy fighting. No, because of the mental strain of not fighting back, of not moving away from the pain and save himself. Nicholas had seen the same with some humans who were either novice subs or _thought_ they were subs, those people whose only experience with BDSM had been imaginary or literary, who’d never felt the touch of a crop or paddle. It both worried and thrilled him when Kieran promised consequences should Mathias break position without safe-wording, and he felt ashamed for wanting – even for a second – Kieran to turn that harshness on him. Not that Nicholas _would_ break position; he was too experienced to do that. But the threat looming over him… it would certainly intensify the situation, whether it was a good or bad one.

“Kieran, I’m sorry,” Mathias gasped out, and Nicholas’ chest filled with pride when Kieran immediately softened, relaxing his right arm. However much he knew about safe words, he wasn’t the kind of man who’d ignore it when said, or forget that he was supposed to stop.

“Don’t apologise,” Kieran said gently. “You’re one third through. Take the time you need to collect yourself.” It sounded as if he actually _understood_ why Mathias hadn’t been able to handle it, that he knew it wasn’t the pain in itself.

Eventually, Mathias managed to bend himself over the sofa again, claiming he was ready when it was so obvious he wasn’t. Holding his breath, Nicholas hoped Kieran could see it.

“Would you like someone to help you stay in place?” Oh, night, he did. And Mathias thankfully admitted that he needed the help. Kieran turned around, and Nicholas waited to hear him ask one of the more dominant wolves to do it. It never happened. “Aidan.”

The gamma inhaled sharply, but stepped forward. “Pack leader,” he acknowledged. Kieran beckoned him over, and he cautiously approached and then circled the sofa, kneeling down in front of Mathias and wrapping his hands around the beta’s wrists.

“Good. Keep his hands there. And Mathias? Keep your eyes on him; remember why you chose this.” Nicholas could see him nod, but if he said something it was too quiet to carry. “Ten more. Again, should you need a break, you know what to say.”

Mathias might have struggled to remain still, and Nicholas was sure he’d have safe-worded again, if it hadn’t been for Aidan’s presence. Soft as breath, Nicholas heard him say something in between each strike, just after Mathias’ cursing and groaning had faded, before the next one landed. Just one word, and it took Nicholas a while to realize what Aidan had to be doing. Counting. Keeping Mathias grounded, reminding him that each line of pain across his buttocks meant there was one fewer waiting to land. For most subs, counting made the punishment worse, because you had to stay focused on the pain in order to keep track, you couldn’t just float away on the pain, but this was different.

Once he knew what Aidan was doing, it was easier to interpret the almost inaudible words. Five, six, seven, eight, nine and ten. At the last of them, Mathias remained stiff for a few moments before shuddering deeply and slumping down over the sofa, realizing it was over and that he’d made it. Nicholas wasn’t that close to Mathias, but even so he found himself proud of the beta. It took a lot to submit to punishment like that, especially when you weren’t into BDSM at all and were anything but a sub.

Aidan discreetly wiped the tears they could all smell off of not only Mathias’ but his own face, before he and Kieran helped Mathias to his feet.

“Well done, Mathias,” Kieran said, drawing the beta into a hug. “I’m proud of you, I am. More so for being strong enough to admit that you needed help.”

“I’m sorry, pack leader,” Mathias mumbled back, then added before Kieran could say something, “For Thursday.”

Kieran’s might have his back to Nicholas, but the smile was audible in his voice as he replied. “Water under the bridge, Mathias. You took your punishment well, and you’re forgiven. Now let Aidan take care of you; he’s burning to tear you away from me.” With that, he released Mathias and made room for Aidan who’d rounded the sofa and eagerly took Kieran’s spot, leading Mathias to the side without hurrying him.

Kieran instead turned his attention to Kelly and Nicholas. Part of Nicholas hoped he’d be next, but he rather suspected that Kelly would be. Like Mathias, she had to be terrified of what was to happen, and Nicholas was, to be crass, a veteran. Except Kelly seemed awful calm as Kieran’s eyes landed on her.

“What’s your choice, Kelly?” Kieran asked.

Was it Nicholas’ imagination, or was Kelly smiling? “Unless you’d planned on me coming forward, pack leader, I doubt you have any alternative planned for me specifically, and since I’m not exactly hunting for a mate the one you offered Mathias wouldn’t be difficult in the least to take. Wouldn’t be much of a punishment at all.” She began moving toward the sofa, unbuttoning her jeans. “I’ll take the five.” Wondering just how wrong he’d been about Kelly, Nicholas watched her push jeans and knickers down to her knees and leaning over the sofa. Being considerably shorter than the rest, she ended up having to go up on her toes to position herself properly. “I’m ready, pack leader.”

“Should you need me to stop, you know what to say.”

“Your name, yes. I know.” Despite the cheek in her choice of words, there was not an ounce of belligerence in her tone.

Kieran looked like he was about to say something more, but then he apparently thought better of it and raised his arm instead, snapping the switch in his hand down smartly on her raised behind. She flinched and made a sound halfway between a hiss and a gasp, but remained in place. Before Kieran had time to land the next one, however, she spoke up.

“Kieran,” she said, quite calmly.

For a moment, it seemed like Kieran wasn’t sure what to do, but he lowered his arm again. “You need a break?” he asked.

“Not as such,” Kelly admitted, and Nicholas frowned thoughtfully. What was she up to? “But I do need to ask you something. Are you holding back on account of me being a woman?”

Nicholas eyes widened slightly, thinking back to the sound of the switch passing through the air. It had been lower, that was true, but… That Kelly would not only notice, but _protest_ that? Then he clenched his jaw, chastising himself. He knew he’d resent it if Kieran tried to go easy on him; he shouldn’t blame Kelly for feeling the same way. Shouldn’t expect Kelly to be any less proud than any of them were. Shouldn’t, but somehow did.

Kieran was quiet for a few moments. “I was,” he said then, not sounding the least bit guilty about it. “Trust me, it won’t happen again, and you’ve earned yourself one extra for being cute with me.”

Kelly nodded. “Understood,” she responded. “I’m ready.”

True to his word, Kieran didn’t hold back, the five strokes whistling as brightly as they had with Peter. Kelly whimpered and half-sobbed as they landed, but she didn’t try to escape and she didn’t safe-word.

When they were over, she stood up and accepted her hug from Kieran. “Thank you,” she said.

Kieran chuckled briefly. “You’re welcome, and thank _you_ for being honest with me. Will you tell me, later, what you kept quiet about?”

Kelly nodded. “I will.”

Kieran released her to dress and move away, and turned to face Nicholas. “Nicholas?” Did he really think he’d have to ask? Apparently not, since his name wasn’t followed by an actual question. It didn’t have to be. They both knew exactly what Kieran meant.

“The switch, pack leader.” If Kieran was surprised over his lack of hesitation, he didn’t show it. “Thank you.” Unless he was asked, he wasn’t going to even try to specify why. There was too much to be grateful for.

He stepped forward when bidden and slipped his trousers off his hips before leaning over the sofa, bending his knees lightly to rest his belly down on the backrest. If Kieran was surprised by his lack of unders, he didn’t say anything about it.

“The marks are gone,” he said instead, softly enough that the others would politely ignore it. Nicholas refrained from answering. Of course they were gone; it’d been three days already. Had Kieran really expected them to still be there? “Was that why you spoke up?”

Nicholas’ eyes widened. Oh. “It wasn’t, pack leader,” he responded promptly. When Kieran said nothing, only exuded that sense of expectancy, he decided to elaborate. “I spoke up because you made it clear that my failure to come to you with my suspicions regarding your former second-in-command was a punishable offence, and it would have been dishonest of me to remain silent. I had convinced myself you had him well in hand, that I was mistaken, that I read too much into his behaviour, and I’m sorry for that.”

Kieran grunted behind him in acknowledgement of his words. His feet shuffled against the floor as he positioned himself. Nicholas took a deep breath and relaxed as much as he could, closing his eyes and preparing himself for the pain.

A sharp whistle, and then lightning struck across his arse, sharp and bright, with just a hint of deep throbbing. _One_. He didn’t say the word out loud, but he mouthed it, anchoring himself in the present, refusing to allow himself to lose track. If five were all Kieran would give him, he’d at least make the most of them. It would be unfair to allow his punishment to be lighter than it was. Another whistle, another lightning strike. _Two_ , he mouthed, groaning softly. He forced his palms to rest flat on the cushion below him, refusing to grab hold and allow him to focus on anything else.

Part of him wanted to move, wanted to make Kieran threaten him like he had Mathias, but he couldn’t. To do that, especially on purpose, would be disrespectful. So he lay there and allowed Kieran to send his lightning bolts down on him like he was Taranis, savouring each one, embracing the pain as his penance for failing to do the right thing, failing to obey Kieran as best he could. It didn’t matter that he hadn’t known he’d done wrong. He’d failed Kieran, and he’d make it up any way he could.

 _Five_ , he counted silently, slumping down against the sofa in a mixture of relief and disappointment that it was over. Part of him wanted to beg Kieran to continue, to paint his arse and thighs bright pink with lightning strikes, but that wasn’t his place. Kieran had set the number of strikes, and Nicholas would be a good wolf, would act like one of the rest and ignore his need for more. Begging wouldn’t make Kieran happy, and he wanted Kieran happy.

He forced himself upright, his arms trembling slightly before he managed to straighten his legs and make them carry him. Then Kieran almost undid his work by pulling him into a hug. For half a heartbeat, he stiffened, ready to pull away, unworthy of Kieran’s touch. Kieran didn’t release him, only tightened his grip. _Like any other wolf of the pack_ , he reminded himself. That, and the fact that it was Kieran’s wish to hug him, allowed him to give in, to melt against his alpha.

“Good omega,” Kieran murmured in his ear, then inhaled deeply, drawing in Nicholas’ scent. Nicholas’ mind was reeling, the words burning into him and flowing through his veins, filling him with the pleasure that only came from knowing you’d pleased your master. “You’re forgiven.”

“Thank you, Ma–” He cut himself off, horrified, his pleasure turning into stabbing pain that viciously attacked his belly from the inside.

Kieran stiffened, then sighed, his disappointment piercing through Nicholas. This close, it was impossible to ignore that sharp edge to Kieran’s scent. “For that, off to shower immediately. I’d planned to let you wait a bit, but I can’t do that now, can I?”

Nicholas closed his eyes, hating himself, yet infinitely grateful that Kieran was dealing with it, that Kieran knew he’d done wrong and had taken a step to correct him. Kieran was right; he didn’t deserve a reward like that after forgetting to stick to the rules of his punishment. “Thank you, Kieran,” he said softly, using his name to show that he could do it.

Then Kieran’s arms were gone from around him, his alpha stepping back. “Go,” he ordered, firmly but kindly.

Nicholas bent to pull up his trousers, refusing to react as the coarse jean cloth slid over the welts. Without another word, he turned and left the room, heading for the stairs. A small voice inside his head was arguing that in order to be like any other pack member, he ought to have waited with the rest of them, but it drowned in the need of following a given order.

Sometimes he wondered how much money Kieran had, how much money the pack had. Sure, there were plenty of them bringing in money, but even so… A house like this had to be _eating_ money, especially all the hot water. When he first moved in, it’d been a shock when he was told to not bother with the immersion, that it was only to be turned off if everyone left the house for more than an hour or two, but it’d taken him _weeks_ to get past the impulse to go by the hot press before and after every shower. With his previous packs, forgetting to turn it off would have been a punishable offence, likewise to dare to do laundry during the day. Of course, both his previous packs had been considerably larger, with nearly half of them not working.

Shaking his head, he went by his room to pick up his towel and a pair of clean jeans, then headed for the small guest bathroom. Benjamin had been right, he’d decided; if he wasn’t to show Kieran’s marks to anyone, he couldn’t very well shower with the rest of them, could he? Stripping and chucking his clothes into the laundry basket, he turned on the water and stepped into the tub. He refused to allow himself to think as he washed, as usual, because if he let himself think, he’d break down. Again.

It was his own fault that he was showering now, rather than later. Guiltily, he remembered that it had been close to two hours since he’d last reflected on his situation. If he’d followed order like he should – though logically he knew there had been no chance to take the time – maybe he wouldn’t have stumbled like that and almost called Kieran ‘master’. After he’d showered, he’d have to take some time. He refused to fail Kieran even one more time, though again, logically, he knew it was bound to happen.

Another benefit of a private shower was that he was less likely to get pulled into a long conversation, like the one he’d had with Jeremy Friday morning, and he showered quickly and efficiently. Then he retreated to his room once more, lowered himself to his knees and set a timer for ten minutes, seeing as how he’d missed one hourly reflection. Time to work on correcting his own thinking.


	23. Chapter 23

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Short chapter, I know. On the other hand, I don't think you'll have to wait that long for the next one, so maybe that'll make up for this one :p
> 
> Camp NaNo's going well, and I'm currently two days ahead on my word count, which is just brilliant. And I've managed to half drown myself in Hiberno-English peculiarities, so expect some 'grammatically incorrect' phrases from now on as well as some odd expressions. Might at some point go back and edit some of the dialogue to reflect this, but I'm not sure if it's worth it until I'm finished and can revise all of it ^^; (And yes, dialogue only; I'm not going to be crazy enough to try to keep all of it 'authentic', because that'd likely drive me and everyone else insane.) I'll try to remember make mouse-over tooltips with meanings for the weirder slang, so if you see one, just hover your mouse over it ;)

_Kieran_

 

It wasn’t until Monday evening that Kieran finally took the key from Charlie and went upstairs to… talk to Samantha. He refused to use the term ‘interrogate’. That word brought on too many unsavoury connotations, and he didn’t want to acknowledge any of them. He was just there to talk, to figure out what was going through her head, why she’d done what she’d done, and what she was leaning towards choosing come Wednesday night. According to Charlie, she’d been a lot calmer the past day or two, more accepting and compliant regarding her confinement. Hopefully that meant she was ready to talk to him.

He didn’t announce himself before unlocking the door and coming inside, didn’t knock and wait for a response. Such courtesy was one of the privileges she’d lost when she’d gone against him, against _Nicholas_. She was on her front on the bed, but when he stepped inside, closing the door behind him, she sat up and turned to face him.

“Pack leader,” she said cautiously. Her body was tense, but not in preparation to leap at him. No, she was in flight mode, ready to defend herself, to escape. Holding still and waiting for his next move. Her eyes darted to him and away, as if reluctant to either let him out of her sight or appear to challenge him by meeting his gaze.

He leaned back against the closed door, the key still in it on the other side, and looked at her for a couple of seconds. “Samantha,” he acknowledged, nodding just a fraction. “How are you finding yourself?”

She hesitated. “Bored,” she said then. “Don’t have much of anything to do here other than thinking; Charlie brought me a few books, but I’ve read them all already.”

So she had been thinking. Good. Hopefully about the right things, too. “Thought about anything in particular?”

Again, she hesitated. The tip of her tongue swiped nervously across her upper lip. “To be honest, the first day or two I spent being angry,” she finally admitted after several long seconds. “After that, I made up excuses for a couple of hours, blaming everybody but myself. Grumbling about how it wasn’t fair, being locked up like this.” She swallowed, glanced up at him again, then to the side. Keeping him in her peripheral but not looking straight at him. “Had you come yesterday, or even this morning, I’d probably have told you how sorry I was, begged you to let me out, to let me stay in your pack.” Would have? Kieran frowned thoughtfully, but he didn’t have to wonder about it for long. “And I wouldn’t have been honest about it. I’d just have said anything I thought you’d approve of, simply to get out of here.”

Oh. “And now?” If she was willing to admit she’d have lied to him, did that mean something had changed since then?

She picked at the blanket. “It’s…” She took a deep breath. Let it out. “It’s not easy to explain, especially when I know you don’t really know much about the scene. But I’ve always prided myself on being a pretty good Domme, you know? To be able to control others, to…” She shrugged. “To take care of them and give them what they need, even if they don’t know themselves what they need. I’m not an alpha; it’s not in me to be in control of someone else all the time. But just for a few hours, now and then. I was good at it, I always thought. Certainly better than the humans. I could smell their desires on them, after all, and they’re nose-blind. Then he showed up. Traipses into Devotion like he’s been there since year dot. And the boys immediately offered to show him around, put him in contact with the right people there.” Another glance up at him. “He’s an _omega_. And there he was, just as dominant as me, _better_ at it than me. And I know that sexuality isn’t necessarily the same as your place in the hierarchy, but it just… felt all  bolloxed up. I’ve been doing this for _years_ , and he’s…”

She faltered, and Kieran smoothly slid into the conversation. “And he’s been doing it his entire life.” She wasn’t the only one who’d done some thinking, after all.

She started, her shocked eyes swinging to stare at him. “His… But…”

While her words hadn’t meant anything like that, they still brought on the vivid memory of Nicholas arse bared, displayed, ready to accept whatever pain Kieran brought on it. Even as Samantha realised what she was doing and looked away, he swallowed down the flare of desire, longing and guilt, and did his best to focus on the current situation instead. “He’s been submitting to others all his life, hasn’t he. Not sexually until his first adult pack, true, but submission is still submission.”

“Yes, but he never submitted to anyone there. Just–”

“Don’t they say,” Kieran interrupted her, “that the best Doms are those who’ve experienced it from the other side first?” It was something Aindriú had mentioned, even if he hadn’t used the term ‘best’, and after he’d explained the reasoning behind it, Kieran could understand it. Of course, that also incidentally meant that he’d just told Samantha that Nicholas was a better Dom than he’d ever be, should Nicholas ever have the inclination to be dominant. After all, _Kieran_ had no intention of submitting to someone else.

Again, Samantha stared at him for a few seconds before averting her eyes. “You… When did you hear that?”

“Nicholas declared himself to be mine. I’d be a right langer not to figure out what that implies. And should he hear of it from anyone but me, I won’t be pleased.” The last thing he wanted was for Samantha to blurt out that he was studying up on BDSM. No, Kieran was planning on keeping it a secret for as long as possible, up until _he_ revealed it to Nicholas. Which he didn’t want to do until he was confident he could do the kind of scene Nicholas needed. “Is that clear?”

“Very.” Samantha swallowed.

“Good. Go on, now, with what you were telling me.”

Samantha licked her lips nervously, then nodded. “Right. So what I was getting at was… I was jealous. I don’t think I’d have really seen it, had I not been in here with nothing but myself and my thoughts. When I did see it, I just couldn’t ignore it again.” She swallowed and drew in a slightly shaky breath. “It’s not only the pack, it’s the scene as well. The things I did…” Kieran all but held his breath, hoping she’d end up revealing her part in the whole debacle. Had she been the instigator, or had she been manipulated by James? “It seemed so innocent at first, it did. I’m not even sure what started it; I guess I was talking to James about this and that, and ended up saying something about how I felt about Nick. He was… nice, he really was. Didn’t tell me I was wrong, or that I should talk to Nick about it. Sympathetic, you know? So I talked more to him about it, not just that time. It became a habit, almost. James agreed that it wasn’t right, that it was almost obscene that an omega would try to be dominant. It was such a relief to find someone who agreed with me, it was.” She laughed briefly, a brittle, sharp sound full of self-loathing. “I should have known better, shouldn’t I?

“Then he took up with that Kendra, which… well… I knew _I_ couldn’t handle her, couldn’t take care of her needs. She’s too much. And he just waltzes in, whips her within an inch of her life – or whatever it was he did to her – and she comes out smelling like the cat that ate a whole tub of cream, her satisfaction so obvious even through the pain and exhaustion. It was… frustrating, and then when I talk to James about it I somehow manage to convince myself that maybe she hadn’t been as satisfied as I thought she had, that maybe everything hadn’t been completely consensual, that maybe Nick wasn’t nearly as good as he seemed to be.” She shook her head, glanced up at Kieran as if to judge his reaction. Kieran made sure to keep his face and scent as neutral as possible. He didn’t want to influence her confession.

“I know,” she went on, “that even then I didn’t really believe that, but it was so much easier to believe _that_ than to admit that I was just jealous. So I suggested, or he suggested, or we came up with the idea together, I don’t quite remember, that maybe I should see if I could get hold of the recording of their session, just to make sure nothing untoward had happened. Except by the time I got to one of the security staff, that recording was already erased. Fortunately, it seemed Kendra liked it enough to come back.” Pulling her legs up, she wrapped her arms around them and rested her forehead on her knees. “That should have clued me in, shouldn’t it just? It seems obvious now; had he been doing it wrong, she wouldn’t have come back. But in a way that just made it worse. Because had he done right by her, that really did mean he was better than me, and… my pride couldn’t take that. I called James the moment Nick went off with Kendra, and he got me a few hundred quid. It weren’t so much a bribe as a sort of guarantee, you know. Sort of ‘is it that dear it won’t happen so much, and do I get discovered and lose my job at least I’ll have some money to tide me over till I get a new one’. So I got a copy of it and took it back to James. Did… Did you watch it?”

Kieran shook his head. “Of course not. It was none of my business.” He’d wanted to, of course, but… he also _hadn’t_ wanted to. But that wasn’t something he was keen on discussing with anyone, let alone Samantha.

“Oh. Well, that’s probably for the best, I suppose. Wouldn’t have thought that last week, of course, but then I’d have been delighted to have you misunderstand. Now…” She sighed. “Now it’s more complicated. Anyway, that’s about what happened and why. I fully understand should you want me to leave the pack. _I_ wouldn’t want me in my pack after what I did. I betrayed a pack member. The one pack member we’re all supposed to protect. And I did it out of _jealousy_ , because I couldn’t stand him being a better Dom. And… the worst thing is that I still can’t keep myself from feeling that way.”

Kieran studied her. She _seemed_ sincere. The question was, could he trust her? From her story, she’d been an active participant in what happened, but… The way she’d put things… It looked like James had been sympathetic and actively encouraged her growing resentment. She didn’t remember who’d come up with the idea of getting hold of the surveillance recording, but when James had been able to hide his undermining of Kieran’s authority for however long he had, was it possible that he could also have manipulated her into _thinking_ it was her own suggestion?

“Like I said before, you’re here to consider which choice you wish to make Wednesday night. Allow me to be clearer: The choice you will make, once I have won the challenge, is whether you want to stay or go. Should you choose to go, I will release you from the pack and leave you to find a new one. Should you choose to stay, you _will_ be punished for what you did. You won’t know how until after you make your decision.”

Samantha winced. “So a choice between an unknown punishment and one I know what it is. To be honest though, I’m not sure I _can_ stay, not with how I’m still feeling. Don’t think I’ll be able to stay at Devotion either, though before I leave I need to tell Lady Neassa – she’s one of the managers of the club.” Kieran didn’t see any reason to inform her he already knew that. “I need to answer for my betrayal of _her_ as well, not just run away. Not that she’s likely to allow me to keep my membership anyway, but…” She shrugged, trailing off into silence.

“You will make your decision after the challenge. Not now,” Kieran said firmly. Pushing himself upright, he took one step toward her. She didn’t cower away from him, but she did tense up. “I’m going to leave you again to think about it further, and I will leave you with two pieces of information that might help you.” She glanced up at him in surprise, studied his face for a brief moment, and then rested her forehead back onto her knees again. “One: Nicholas won’t be dominating another human again for as long as he’s part of this pack.” And Kieran wasn’t about to banish him, either. “Two: Apparently there is a term for what he was doing. That term is ‘service top’.”

Again, Samantha’s head shot up, her jaw slack in shock. Kieran didn’t wait for her to come up with something to say, only turned on his heel, opened the door and stepped outside. When he closed it, reaching for the key, she was still staring at him as though she hadn’t quite made sense of what he’d said.


	24. Chapter 24

_Nicholas_

With nothing more out of the ordinary happening, they seemed to fall into a pattern of sorts. Nicholas would stay home while most of the other wolves left for work and school, he’d spend his day cleaning and thinking about how he could become the omega Kieran would want. Kieran would stay out most of the day, probably working late, then come home and lock himself up in his office for a few hours for more work. Once, Nicholas had thought he’d caught a familiar scent off of him, but shrugged it off. It wasn’t as though the people he knew from Devotion didn’t have lives outside the club; Kieran could have run into one out in the street, or in the shop, at a pub, or even at the school where he worked.

Wednesday was getting closer, looming large in the near future, both promising and threatening. He couldn’t make up his mind whether it terrified him or not, but either way he hated the waiting. Like so many times before, Nicholas found himself worrying about what would happen, whether Kieran would end up hurt or not, what would happen afterwards. What if Kieran wouldn’t forgive him? His notebook was seeing regular use; not as much as the first day, but each day he found himself forced to add to its content. He’d said Nicholas would still be able to earn himself the right to sleep in Kieran’s bed. He refused to put more into those words than their literal meaning. Sleep didn’t mean Kieran would claim him. Unless Nicholas learned to become what Kieran wanted him to be, there was absolutely no guarantee Kieran _would_ claim him.

Even if he did, it would only be temporary. Kieran was pack leader; Nicholas knew that meant needing to find a mate and either beget a cub or adopt one. Nicholas held no illusions regarding that. But please, oh please, don’t let Kieran’s future mate dislike Nicholas. He’d keep his needs and desires completely to himself, as long as he wasn’t banished from the pack.

But all this hinged on Kieran winning the fight. Nicholas shuddered. He didn’t want to think about it, didn’t want to suffer the image of Kieran’s four-legged body still on the ground, blood pooling around him from the wounds. Didn’t want to imagine James’ triumphant howl – risking discovery by humans – over his victory.

Nicholas would never submit to James. Never. He’d work hard on it, train himself, use his dominant persona if he had to, but he would never lower his belly to the ground or bare his neck before James and accept him as his pack leader. No, he’d stand tall, head and tail held high, and refuse to submit. He’d denounce James to the old gods, make it clear to them and the rest of the pack that James wasn’t good enough to lead. The only way he’d refrain from provoking James into killing him was if James for some reason left Kieran alive.

Kieran wouldn’t, he suspected, stay in the pack if he lost to James but wasn’t killed. He’d do the right thing, sign over the house and land to James and leave. Nicholas would go with him, there was no doubt about that, but until Kieran was well enough to leave? Nicholas swallowed as he realized that he’d just found the one thing that could make him submit to James. He’d do anything to keep Kieran alive, even if that included begging and even breaking Kieran’s rules and allow James to use him. He’d spend the rest of his life making up for it, if necessary, but at least he _would_ –

The alarm rang, signifying his five minutes were once more up. He groaned and swiped it into silence. Not again. He opened up his notebook and drew another mark next to the entry reading, _I failed to use my five minutes of reflection for actual reflection, instead ending up worrying about Wednesday._ Including this one, there were already seventeen marks there, neatly sorted into groups of five. He’d have to work harder on overcoming that. He’d try his best not to add any more of them. He had twenty-five attempts left. Twenty-five hours until moonrise tomorrow, give or take. And, of course, subtract however many hours of those he’d be asleep.

The sound of Kieran’s car approaching outside saved him from sinking down into worry and self-pity again. Pushing himself to his feet, he turned off the sound on his phone and tossed it onto his bed. Then he headed downstairs to welcome his alpha home. He was even later than usual tonight; it was already past eight.

Pausing at the top of the stairs, he waited until he heard steps on the porch outside before he headed down. It wouldn’t do for Kieran to think Nicholas had _waited_ for him to come home, after all. Not when Kieran expected him to be independent and strong.

“Welcome home, Kieran,” he said with well-practiced ease. “You’re not working too hard, are you?”

Kieran shot him a look before easing out of his shoes, one Nicholas wasn’t sure how to interpret. It wasn’t quite warning Nicholas off the topic, having just a hint of… amusement? Guilt? “Thank you, Nicholas,” Kieran said out loud. “Don’t worry about me. I had a meeting, that’s all.”

Nicholas hovered there for a moment longer, hesitating. “Can I get you anything? Are you hungry?” There was food saved for Kieran; he’d gladly heat it up for him.

“I’m after eating, thank you. But there is one thing you can get me.” Nicholas’ ears perked up, eager to hear what he could do. “Your notepad.”

Nicholas’ heart sank, but he simply nodded and stepped forward, holding out the ever-present notepad. Kieran took it and flipped to the latest page.

“Hmm, just three more? You’re improving.” Nicholas flushed in a confusing mixture of shame and pride. Then shame took over as Kieran obviously noticed his tally. It had been at six last night. “Oh.” A deep sigh that made Nicholas want to squirm, want to protest, want to excuse himself. He couldn’t. He wasn’t allowed to.

The casual humiliation of Kieran going through it here, where everyone could – potentially, seeing as the living room and kitchen seemed empty at the moment and the doors to the side rooms were closed and silent – listen in and take part, without being allowed to defend himself… It was such delicious torture. He didn’t want to point it out to Kieran, didn’t want his alpha to realise what he was doing to Nicholas. Then he winced, catching his error in judgement. That’d be another one for the book, definitely. Even if Kieran probably didn’t want to know about things like this, wanting to deliberately hide things like this wasn’t right. ‘Probably’ wasn’t a good enough cause to withhold information.

“Is something the matter?” Kieran asked, sounding all too calm. For once, the sweetness in his voice wasn’t soothing, it was… It felt like the calm before the storm, as if any wrong answer would bring on the thunder.

“Not as such, Kieran,” Nicholas responded, unable to avoid answering the question. “Just have another one to write down when you’re done.”

To his shock, Kieran immediately held it out. “Do it now, then give it back.”

His hand trembled when he took it. Suddenly unable to make his throat work enough to give a verbal response, he merely nodded, crouching down on the floor and using one thigh to support the notepad as he clicked the biro tip out and put pen to paper. Closing his eyes for a second or two, he tried to come up with the best way to put it.

 _I didn’t want to tell you how much you,_ he paused for a moment to consider the best word choice, _affect me, going through my sins like this, where everyone can see and hear and especially when I can’t even defend myself, as if my comfort of mind isn’t even worthy of consideration. It’s torture, and I don’t want it to stop, and that actually makes it worse, because I’m not allowed to want this. It’s not right of me to take pleasure in something like this, but it’s even less right to keep that information from you, even when I know it’s not something you care to hear._ He hesitated, wondering if he should add something else, but in the end he just closed the notepad and held it up to Kieran’s waiting hand. Clicking off the pen, he put it back into his pocket as he stood up, trying to look anywhere else but at Kieran as the alpha read what he’d just written.

He almost missed the amused smile that flickered across Kieran’s face. Almost. Then the smile was gone, and Kieran closed the notepad once more and handed it back, without saying a single word. The lack of response frightened Nicholas even more than harsh words would have, and he had to lock his knees to prevent himself from dropping to the floor and begging Kieran to tell him something, _anything_ , about what he thought of it all. He didn’t, and Kieran said nothing about it, only bent down to pick up his briefcase again.

“Oh, one thing,” he said then, sounding for all the world as if a thought had just struck him. Nicholas waited with bated breath to hear what Kieran would say. “Tomorrow night… I will want you to hold yourself back, keep your reactions down.” Wait, what? Nicholas blinked, the abrupt change of subject throwing him off balance. “Is that something you can do on your own? I don’t want to order you not to feel anything, but… the wrong reaction at the wrong time could distract me.”

For a moment, Nicholas just stood there, just about to nod and promise he’d do his best, when the meaning of Kieran’s words became clear. All too clear. He swayed on his feet, feeling faint, cold and clammy. Distract Kieran. Nicholas hadn’t ever had to fight, himself, but he knew all too well that in certain fights a distraction could prove fatal. “I…” he pressed out, then trailed off into silence, no longer knowing how to continue the sentence.

“Are you not sure right now, you can think about it until tomorrow morning. Just make sure you have an answer for me before noon, so I have time to prepare should it be necessary.” Kieran’s words sounded farther away than they were. Nicholas forced himself to nod. It didn’t seem to satisfy Kieran, who frowned. “Have you been listening to me? What did you just agree to?”

Nicholas swallowed. His brain felt fuzzy, disorganised. “Think about it and tell you before noon tomorrow, I understand, pack leader. I won’t let you down.” Even his own voice sounded distant.

“Good. Now go do that. I don’t want to see you out of your room anymore today, apart from going to the toilet and such.”

Nicholas nodded. “Your will, pack leader.” He turned around and walked away. The floor seemed uneven, and he was forced to almost pull himself up by the railing on the stairs to get his legs to work properly.

He thought he’d been worried earlier. That was before Kieran had raised the thought that _Nicholas_ could actually put him in danger. That his fear or worry could distract Kieran just when there was no room for distractions. That Nicholas could, in effect, kill Kieran.

Horror and self-loathing curled up in a tight, thorny snarl somewhere in the pit of his stomach, weighing him down and stabbing him deep inside. He wanted to faint, wished he could, but instead he merely staggered back down the upstairs hallway to his room. He didn’t even bother to close his door properly before toppling down on his bed.

This was worse than anything, and he couldn’t allow himself to influence the outcome of the challenge, especially not to Kieran’s detriment. Any thought of sleep was gone. No, he couldn’t sleep. Not with this on his mind. He’d have to work on it, have to talk himself into a state of mind where Kieran’s will dominated his emotions, where he’d be able to watch Kieran fight without spreading his emotions all over the place. If he could, he’d offer to not watch, but tradition said that anyone who could be there had to be.

Perhaps he could talk to… to Peter, maybe. Peter was still a gamma, so he wouldn’t be expected to be responsible for security, like Donna and the betas might. But he was a switch, so he could be dominant enough. Maybe if Peter kept a steady grip on the scruff of his neck, it’d keep him calm and sedated enough. But no, he couldn’t ask that of Peter, not when Peter was likely to be worried about the fighting as well.

The easiest _would_ be to be under orders, of course, but… Kieran had said he didn’t want that. Part of him knew that it was one of those things people _said_ , those things that were generalisations and exaggerations, but at the same time he just couldn’t make himself ignore Kieran’s preferences. If Nicholas said he couldn’t do it alone, Kieran would help him. He knew that. He just didn’t want it to get to that point, didn’t want to let Kieran down.

Pushing himself up onto his knees, he forced himself to consider Kieran in trouble, bleeding, harried by James. Shuddered as his heart clenched painfully. Steeled himself, didn’t allow himself to turn away from the imaginary picture, even knowing he wouldn’t be able to help. Again and again, he did it, forced himself to look, tried to keep himself calm, until he collapsed down onto the bed, biting back a keening whimper.

“Are you well?” Charlie’s voice from behind startled him. He’d been so focused on… well, torturing himself for a good cause… that he hadn’t even noticed the beta coming closer.

“I’m grand,” he mumbled, not even turning his head to look up. He knew the lie was obvious, but hopefully Charlie would accept it for what it was and go away. He should have known better.

“D’you mind me… Oh, bugger it. ‘Course you wouldn’t tell me if you did.” Nicholas heard Charlie enter the room, felt the bed shift beneath him as Charlie sat down on the edge of it. He just shrugged. Charlie was a beta, the top beta in the pack due to being mated; of course Nicholas wouldn’t tell him not to come in. Part of him was relieved Charlie had caught on. Two weeks ago, he’d still have required an answer before entering Nicholas’ borrowed territory. “Now, what’s really going on?”

Nicholas squeezed his eyes shut. He didn’t want Charlie to ask, didn’t want him to know. But he couldn’t ignore a direct question, could he? “It’s… tomorrow,” he threw out, jumping in at the deep end. Might as well get it over with. “Need to prepare myself. Can’t distract Kieran at the wrong moment.”

Charlie was quiet for a few moments. “Can I touch you?” he asked then. “You need comfort.” He didn’t move, didn’t reach out. Merely offered.

Nicholas hesitated. He did need it, he knew that. But was it allowed? He wasn’t sure, only… It wasn’t pain, or pleasure – unless you counted the cessation of loneliness as pleasure. And refusing it… wouldn’t that be the same as punishing himself? Finally he nodded. “You can,” he breathed out. He’d write it up, take the blame for it if Kieran disagreed with his decision.

The steady warmth of Charlie’s hand on his back soothed shivers he hadn’t even been aware of. For a few seconds, tension gripped him, fear and worry that he was breaking Kieran’s rules. Then he slumped down further, allowing himself to trust. Charlie liked women, and he was mated. He was doubly safe. Charlie only offered support, comfort, didn’t expect Nicholas to give him anything in return.

“Any reason you’re doing this alone?” Charlie asked, slowly stroking up and down along Nicholas’ spine.

“Have to,” Nicholas mumbled into the mattress. The hand paused in its movement for a moment, and he froze. Had he said the wrong thing? Should he apologise? But then the moment was over, and the hand continued its slow wandering up and down his back.

“That an order, or an assumption?” Charlie asked. “Surely Kieran could help you, be it that important.”

Nicholas drew in a slow breath. Released it. “He doesn’t want to,” he informed Charlie. He was about to go on when Charlie’s hand stilled again, tensing, almost pressing him down.

“Doesn’t _want_ to?” Charlie’s usual growl was a little deeper now. “I don’t give a  monkey’s what he wants or not. He’s–”

“Don’t,” Nicholas pleaded quietly, and fortunately it was enough to make Charlie lapse into blessed silence. He didn’t like interrupting like that, but he just couldn’t take it, couldn’t handle listening to anyone disparaging Kieran like that. “I know he would, couldn’t I do it myself, but he said he doesn’t want to, so I… I have to try.” He shuddered, and Charlie started petting him again. “I have to,” he repeated, softly, hopelessly. He had no idea how he’d manage to control himself that well, but he had to do it.

“Still think he’s a tosser for saying that. Had to know how you’d take it. Fine, I won’t argue with you about it.” Nicholas sighed with relief at hearing that. Unfortunately his relief was short-lived. “But why the fuck would you think you have to do it on your own? Part of the pack, aren’t you?”

Nicholas stilled, caught between the obvious displeasure in Charlie’s voice and the slow, calming touch of his hand. Was Charlie angry or upset with him? It didn’t matter, he realised. Whether or not he was, the question still had to be answered. “Youse’ll be busy,” he said simply, not quite daring to move enough to shrug. “Kieran will look to Donna and the betas to stand guard, in case… In case the challenger proves false. He’ll probably set you, maybe one more, to watch Samantha and Jeremy, to make sure they don’t interfere; even if Jeremy appears to have calmed down, he’s still under suspension and not quite part of the pack. Other than that, the gammas will have enough on their own, watching and worrying about the outcome.” He’d spent enough time the past two days going over the procedure, reasoning out what was most likely to happen. “I can’t ask anyone to… to baby-sit me. I’m not that important.”

Charlie sighed. “Sure, everyone will be busy,” he began, “but you’re a daft bugger, thinking you’re not worth helping. You’ll be worse off than the rest of us, won’t you?” Nicholas wanted to deny it, wanted to say there was no difference between him and the rest, but he knew Charlie was right. He was an omega, wasn’t he? Couldn’t expect people to– “Not ‘cos you’re an omega, mind,” Charlie went on, as if he’d read Nicholas’ thoughts. “But you’re his mate, aren’t you?”

Nicholas forgot how to breathe, his throat locking up, his chest tightening. Oh, how he wished Charlie’s words were true, but he knew they weren’t. Kieran wasn’t his mate, would never be. Nicholas was the pack’s omega, that’s all. Except he wasn’t allowed to be, because Kieran didn’t like it. Didn’t want others to touch him that way. He needed to deny what Charlie had said, needed to put him right, needed to…

“Oh, I know he’s not claimed you yet, but Donna told me what you said out back.” Charlie didn’t specify when, but he didn’t have to, either. It was how everyone referred to the judging: out back. “Gave yourself to him, didn’t you? No expectations, no demands, just… offered yourself up. So no matter what he feels about it, you’ll always be his, won’t you?”

Nicholas nodded. His lungs were aching, but it was nothing compared to the pain of knowing he’d be forced to watch Kieran take a mate, forced to take the initiative to step aside to prevent Kieran’s mate from demanding his expulsion. The hand on his back stilled, heavy between his shoulder blades. He lay still beneath it, part of him wishing it’d press down harder, longing for roughness, for punishment. He needed it. Needed it for wanting more than what Kieran was willing to give him.

“Fuck it, Nicholas, _breathe_ ,” Charlie growled, and Nicholas found himself obeying the order before the words had penetrated to his brain. The block in his throat was gone and he gasped in deep lungfuls of air. “Better.” The hand returned to stroking him. “What I meant was, I know how you feel. It’s the way I feel ‘bout Donna, ‘cept you’ve got it twice, don’t you? Kieran’s not only a mate, but your alpha as well. I know I’d be dead gammy were it Donna risking it like that. So I know it’ll be rough on you.”

Reluctantly, Nicholas nodded ever so slightly. It _would_ be hard, even without the fear that he’d distract Kieran from the fighting. But what could he do? “Don’t want to impose,” he mumbled. If he could just make himself work at it harder, longer, he might be able to get to a point where he could imagine Kieran injured or… worse, without reacting.

“Oh, ‘tis not imposing, Nicholas,” Charlie rumbled gently. He was quiet for a while, and Nicholas saw no point in breaking the silence. He didn’t agree with the beta, but neither did he know what to say to convince Charlie to change his opinion. “Just what did Kieran tell you?”

What had Kieran said? Plenty of things. “About what?” he asked, needing clarification. Some things said, he remembered all too well.

“About what you’re doing now, about ‘not wanting’ to help you.”

Oh. In hindsight, it was obvious. Of course that’s what Charlie wanted to know. “He said…” Nicholas swallowed. “He said that tomorrow night, he wants me to hold myself back, keep my reactions down. He asked was that something I could do on my own? He said he doesn’t want to order me not to feel, but the wrong reaction at the wrong time could–” He cut himself off, shuddering. Why wasn’t he stronger? Why couldn’t he _say_ the word without seeing it before him, without torturing himself with the possibility of it being real. He squeezed his eyes shut, as though it would help. “Could dis– distract him,” he pushed out, not quite managing to avoid stumbling over the words. “Were I not sure, I could think on it till tomorrow morning, and tell him before noon so he has time to prepare should it be necessary.”

“Hmm.” Charlie’s fingers danced along Nicholas’ spine, teasing his muscles loose and pliant. With each pass up and down, he felt himself relax further and further, some deep, primal part of his brain believing that everything was fine, that he had a stronger wolf to take care of him now, that he didn’t need to be vigilant anymore. He tried to fight it, but he was too tired, too exhausted, his head hurt too much. “And can you? Do it on your own? Was Kieran to ask you right this moment, can you do it, what would you have to answer?”

Nicholas whimpered softly, wanting to beg Charlie to retract his question, unable to make himself be that selfish. He held out as long as he could, but knew he needed to give an answer. “I… I can’t, no,” he admitted. “Not yet. But there’s still time, I have…” How many hours till he needed to give his answer? “At least twelve hours.” It had to be that, probably more. “I could still–”

The hand on his back pressed down, giving him the oh-so-welcome illusion of being held in place, very effectively silencing him. “Wasn’t asking could you do it later.”

Charlie maintained the pressure on Nicholas’ back, and only Kieran’s order of no sharing kept him from melting completely, from offering his submission to Charlie. It would be so easy to give in, especially when he trusted Charlie, to forget the punishment he was under, forget what was about to happen tomorrow, forget… Forget there was no chance Kieran would forgive him just like that, come moonset Thursday morning, and let Nicholas into his bed. He hung on to Kieran’s order with claw and tooth, reminding himself of the horror and fury in Kieran’s voice as he all but growled, _No. That won’t happen. No… sharing._ Then he realised Charlie was talking.

“–Call it, or does it have to be an alpha?”

He panicked, knowing he’d missed the important part of it all, and he had no idea what had been said. “I don’t… I’m not…” he stammered, but there was no way he could hedge an answer to a question he hadn’t heard. “I’m sorry, Charlie,” he admitted. “I wasn’t listening, I don’t know.”

Charlie rubbed his back again, not quite easing up on the pressure. “Don’t blame you. Got to be a lot on your mind. I was asking, would it be possible for someone else to order you, as you call it, or does it have to be an alpha?”

For a few seconds, Nicholas wondered what had brought on _that_ kind of question. Then he saw the opening Charlie had given him. “Oh, night, it _is_ ,” he breathed, knowing Charlie was able to both hear and scent his gratitude. He’d never have been able to raise the courage to ask someone about it himself, wasn’t even sure he’d have thought of it, but should Charlie offer it… “It is possible,” he clarified, trying to focus. “It’s not quite as effective, just as an order from Donna or–” He cut himself off, redirected the sentence. “–Or another alpha wouldn’t be as effective as a pack leader’s, but it’s definitely possible.” The one giving the order just had to be more dominant than him, which wasn’t really an issue in this pack. Its strength would, naturally, be directly dependent on the relative difference in rank and power between him and the other wolf. With time and effort, he could even do it himself, as he had at Devotion and Slabhraí an Orduithe prior to that, but there wasn’t enough time for that, not when he hadn’t practiced that particular mindset other than when Kieran had commanded him out back. It’d taken him _weeks_ to be able to call up his dominant persona, and even now after more than a year he still didn’t have full control of it. He doubted he ever would. Then again, that particular persona went directly against his true self; maybe this one would be easier? If only he had the time.

“Lovely. Want to tell Kieran, then?”

On the verge to say that he did, Nicholas paused. Letting out a sigh, he shrugged. “I would,” he admitted, “but I’m not allowed to leave this room until morning, other than toilet visits.” Did Charlie mean that he _was_ offering?

Charlie snorted. “Probably wanted to make sure you got some sleep, not that it seemed to work that way. Not much to do ‘bout it.” The hand lifted off of Nicholas back, and he trembled with its loss, biting down on a whimper. He had no right to beg Charlie for anything, especially when the beta was clearly distancing himself from Nicholas by standing up. “Get them clothes off.”

What? Shocked, it took Nicholas a few moments to react, but an order was an order. At the last second, he remembered he was supposed to act like any other wolf, so instead of attempting to squirm out of his clothes where he lay he slid off the bed and stood up. His t-shirt came off first, and was quickly thrown into a corner. He’d move it to a laundry basket tomorrow; it smelled far too much of Charlie to be used again. Kieran hadn’t _forbidden_ it as such, but he didn’t want to wear any other wolf’s scent until he was properly marked and claimed by Kieran. It just wasn’t right. He slid his jeans off as well, but opted to drape them over the foot of the bed, being clean enough for one more day’s use. Then he stood there waiting, just in case Charlie had another order.

“Good. Under the covers.” Nicholas didn’t hesitate this time, willingly slipping in beneath his duvet, placing his phone onto the bedside cabinet. “Don’t forget to set an alarm if you need one.” Right. Nicholas quickly set his alarm for eight and put it back on the cabinet. “Good omega,” Charlie rumbled, sending a ripple of pleasure through Nicholas; Charlie may not be his alpha, but that didn’t mean Nicholas’ instinct to serve went away. “Now, I’m going to go talk to Kieran. _You_ are going to sleep. No more worrying, no more thinking, no more practicing. Is that understood?”

“It is, Charlie,” Nicholas whispered, his body already starting to follow the order, his breathing slowing and deepening, his muscles relaxing, his eyes slowly falling shut. “Thank you.” The sound of Charlie leaving, closing the door behind him, sounded far away, and he barely had time to ask himself why Charlie had been there in the first place before reality slipped away from him and he fell asleep.


	25. Chapter 25

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Status update: My flatmate's been admitted to hospital due to back pains, and to keep her company I'm staying there as well. I have my laptop with me and such, but I haven't had as much time/energy to actually write. (On a randomly related note, it's rather amusing to see how many of the staff assume that I'm her boyfriend, and watch them stammer out excuses once we inform them that we're just friends.)
> 
> Anyway, due to that, you're getting half a chapter (if that) this time, partly to show that I'm still writing, and partly to inform you all about what's going on.

_Kieran_

 

There was a knock on the door, and Kieran sighed softly and reluctantly set the essay aside. “Enter,” he said, loudly enough to be heard through the door. It swung open and Charlie’s scent reached him several seconds before the beta showed up in the doorway to the office. “What can I do for you?” he asked, trying to not sound as exasperated as he felt. He’d heard there was some sort of Arabian curse that translated to something like, ‘May you live in interesting times.’ Whoever thought it wasn’t a curse obviously hadn’t tried to correct and grade school papers and getting interrupted every half hour or so. It was times like these that he wished times were boring and ordinary again.

Charlie hesitated for a few moments, then rumbled, “It’s about Nicholas.”

Alarm shot through Kieran, and he was a heartbeat away from throwing himself over his desk and rushing upstairs to make sure the omega was okay. Instead he forced himself to remain calm. “What about him?”

Charlie sighed. “I know it’s not my place to tell you how to take care of him, but honestly? That was a bloody cat way to send him up.”

Kieran’s mood dropped significantly as Charlie spoke, and he wanted to snap that of course it wasn’t Charlie’s place to complain about it. He didn’t. Being pack leader wasn’t about throwing his weight around and bullying everyone to say only want he wanted them to say. It was about making sure his wolves had what they needed and that they trusted him enough to tell him when they didn’t.

“Found him on the bed, all but beating himself up for being unable to do what you’d said you wanted him to. Hadn’t even closed the door behind him, don’t think he even realised he hadn’t.”

That didn’t make Kieran feel any better, but… it did make him understand that he wasn’t upset with Charlie. He was upset with himself. He knew it’d been far from the best of ways of telling Nicholas, and if he’d had time to think about it he’d probably have said it differently, but it didn’t really change that he _needed_ Nicholas to remain calm tomorrow. He knew the others, especially the gammas, would be worried, but they weren’t… It wouldn’t touch him, not the same way. But just like he’d wanted to rush off to make sure Nicholas was fine now, he knew he’d want to go over to him and make him feel better if his distress became too noticeable.

“Sorry,” he said gruffly. “I’ve been tense.”

Charlie snorted. “And the rest. Either way, I calmed him down and talked to him, then got him to sleep. Short of it is that I’ll take care of it, so you don’t have to worry ‘bout it, as long as you say I can.”

Kieran didn’t know how to interpret that, nor how to take it. Calmed him down how, talked about what, take care of what how? “What way?”

“Gather we’ll need to figure out specifics tomorrow, but at a glance I suppose I’ll be ordering him to stay calm, like you did out back. Won’t work as well, he says, me not being his alpha and pack leader, but it’ll work. That good with you?”

For a heartbeat, Kieran wanted to shout his no loud enough to make Charlie cower. Nicholas was _his_ , and no one else’s. Then reason grabbed hold of him by the scruff of his neck and shook him until he gave in. “I didn’t want to have to resort to that,” he said once he thought he could control his voice again. He couldn’t quite; there was still a faint bite to it. “But is that what it takes, then that’s what’ll happen.”

Charlie studied him, keeping his body relaxed to indicate there was no challenge intended. “So when you told him you didn’t want to order him, you meant you didn’t want him ordered. Good thing you didn’t say _that_ , or he’d still be there, biting his tail off in his attempts to please you. Said he still had nearly twelve hours to figure it out, till I took the choice off of him.”

Twelve hours… Kieran slumped back in his chair, relieved he wasn’t standing, once he thought he understood what that had to mean. “Thank you, Charlie,” he sighed, even as he screamed at himself internally for being a fool. “I should have realised he’d be up all night if he wasn’t stopped.” What had Nicholas been doing, to have Charlie call it ‘biting his tail off’?

Thankfully, Charlie didn’t agree openly, didn’t tell him how blind Kieran had been, though he was sure the beta was thinking it. Instead he just stood there, looking at him. After a few seconds, he looked away, showing his respect for his alpha. “I’ll tell him tomorrow you’ve agreed, then.”

Kieran nodded. “Should you have trouble, call me at once.”

“I will, Kieran.” He hesitated. “Don’t work too late.”

Kieran wouldn’t. He needed to get up early tomorrow for work, after all. Then, after work, a meeting with Aindriú and Declan at the club. Then home for last minute preparations before moonrise. “Sleep well, Charlie,” he merely responded, pulling back the essay in front of him to indicate that the audience was over. He didn’t look up as Charlie turned around and left the room.


	26. Chapter 26

_Kieran_

 

“You really ought to feel them on your own back, Kieran,” Aindriú reminded him, like he’d done almost every time the subject had come up. “There are few better ways to familiarise yourself with an implement.”

Kieran sighed. “I know. Maybe at some point I’ll be able to convince myself of that, too.” But not now. Not when his skin was already crawling, his wolf close, eager to come out and run. Not now, when he needed to maintain his dominance, when any hint of willingness to submit might trip him up in the coming challenge.

“The second best,” Aindriú went on, “would be to practice with Nicholas, especially if he’s to be your sub for the time being.”

Kieran nodded, not too keen on the way Aindriú put it. Nicholas wasn’t his ‘for the time being’. But he knew Aindriú’s reasoning; they didn’t have an official contract yet, so as far as the BDSM community was concerned, they didn’t have a real relationship. Which Kieran had to agree they didn’t. He hadn’t claimed Nicholas yet, hadn’t marked him with his scent, hadn’t taken him. That would change tonight.

“You’re still not willing to tell him?”

“Not just yet,” Kieran admitted. “I will, soon. Friday, maybe. He’s…” He hesitated, taking a deep breath. Honesty was important. That was one of the first things Aindriú had stressed. If Aindriú didn’t know what Kieran wanted, it’d be harder to judge what to teach him. “During this week, I’ve had him write down any time he’s broken the rules. I guess at some level, I thought there wouldn’t be any such things, but he’s… he’s been meticulous. Some of his ‘offences’ are downright ridiculous in my eyes, they are, and a few he’s even expressed uncertainty whether they would be considered offences in the first place, but… Either way, I did tell him at the start of it that if he managed to not screw up, I’d let him sleep in my bed Thursday. By the end of the first day, he was convinced that with all his mistakes, it’d be at least a month and a half before that would happen, and I had to tell him he could still earn his reward. Mainly because I want him in my bed.”

He took another deep breath, refusing to be unnerved by how Aindriú was just watching him, silently listening. “Took me a while to figure out how, but I’m going to grade each offence with a number of strokes, depending on its severity. If he agrees to take the punishment, they’ll be forgiven as if they never happened.” There was little doubt in Kieran’s mind what Nicholas would choose. Not with how distraught the omega had been over failing to be perfect, over disappointing Kieran. Even if the prospect of sleeping in Kieran’s bed hadn’t been on the table, Kieran was still pretty sure Nicholas would agree to take it, if only to be forgiven. “Since the tally, despite the majority of them only warranting one stroke, is going to be way up there, I’d planned on doing it here. Partly because I don’t really have anything at home yet, and partly to let someone monitor, so you can make sure I’m not abusing him. That I’m not forcing him to submit to me against his nature.” He stopped there, waiting for Aindriú’s reaction. The ‘yet’ echoed in his head. He knew Nicholas would never have expected that word, and if anyone had asked him a week ago, he wouldn’t have, either. Would, in fact, have been horrified by the implication that he’d ever want to hit someone, that anyone would ever _want_ him to hit them.

Aindriú slowly nodded. “I see. What implement did you have in mind, and what does ‘way up there’ imply?”

“I don’t know which yet, and… At a guess…” He thought back to the number of entries in Nicholas’ notebook. Even with just one stroke per entry, that left him with a little more than forty strokes. “Around fifty.” He sighed at Aindriú’s suddenly wary scent. “It’s been a long week, and I know that if I disregard any of them, he won’t feel forgiven for it. He’s even stricter with himself than I could ever be.”

Aindriú was silent for a few seconds, the wariness settling down to a more manageable level. “I agree that it’s a good idea to do it here. If you come early enough, the rooms should still be empty. Say around five or six. That early, Fridays are members only, as you know, but I will talk Lady Neassa into allowing it since it’s for Nicholas. I will monitor you; she might want to as well.” Again, he lapsed into silence, his fingers tapping out a slow rhythm against the table between them. “With that many, I’d suggest a light flogger. Even then, he’ll likely feel it for a week or so. Anything heavier, and…” He shrugged. Kieran didn’t see a need to inform him of werewolf healing. “Which in turn means you need to get used to handling one.” He stood up. “Come with me.” Declan, seated on a chair this time, got up as well and moved to Aindriú’s shoulder.

Kieran allowed Aindriú and Declan to lead him to the back rooms, though not to the one Nicholas had led him to last week. The one Aindriú headed for was at the far end of the hallway. The door opened, and Kieran stepped past Aindriú to get inside, scanning the room quickly for danger with eyes and nose, a habit or instinct that was hard to repress, especially this close to full moon. Two or three seconds later, when he was satisfied the room was unoccupied and that no traps were set, he looked around with more leisure.

Simply put, it seemed like he’d just set foot in a gym. A small and poorly equipped gym, but a gym nonetheless. No high-tech machines, but enough for a solid workout, especially if one didn’t mind improvising a little. As his eyes passed over the few pieces of equipment, he silently named them. Bench press, pull-up bar, anatomical punching dummy. It was a little disconcerting that the dummy was nude, even if its genitalia wasn’t too explicit, but on the other hand he shouldn’t have expected much else from a club that specialised in kinky sex. A pair of gymnastic rings hanging from the ceiling. A rack with weights along a wall. Half the wall adjacent to that covered in mirrors from floor to ceiling. And like in the room he’d previously seen with Nicholas, there was also a mini-fridge, a sink and a shallow, wall-hung cabinet – probably containing the same kinds of implements. Next to the cabinet, however, was another door.

“Shower room,” Aindriú said calmly, apparently having noticed where his gaze had landed. “To further the illusion and open up for a few more scenes.”

Kieran looked over at the two humans as they entered, Aindriú reaching out and flipping the switch next to the door. The light outside in the hallway shifted to a redder tone, just before the door fell closed. “Why are we here?”

“Training.” Kieran blinked, and Aindriú’s mouth curved with amusement. “Not that kind. Like I said, you need to learn how to handle a flogger if you plan on using one. Bob, over there, is willing to be your training partner.” He gestured to the punching dummy in the corner. “Help me move him a bit.”

Hiding his amusement, Kieran assisted with shifting the humanoid dummy toward the centre of the room. He could have done it on his own, but humans never expected him to be that strong. Unlike what fiction might suggest, he wasn’t stronger than humanly possible – no bench pressing cars and similar feats – but he was stronger than he looked, and would probably be well able to hold his own against most professional athletes. Pretending to be less than that was a skill wolves learned with time, and Kieran was not an exception.

“Thank you,” Aindriú said simply once he was satisfied with the dummy’s position. “Next, choosing a flogger.” Kieran followed him over to the cabinet, stilled his face into a neutral look as it was opened to reveal the multitude of implements he’d expected. Suede, leather, rubber, steel. Diluted chlorine in a spray bottle. The scents assaulted him, this close up, and he barely heard Aindriú explain the differences in materials and construction. Kieran got the gist of it, at least; lighter and softer materials gave a lighter pain, heavy materials had more of a thud to them. Fewer tails were more painful than many, concentrating the blow to a smaller area. He nodded at what he thought were appropriate times, reminding himself again that this was what Nicholas wanted. No, _needed_.

“You said a light flogger,” he began once Aindriú finished his lecture. “What would you suggest?”

For a few moments, Aindriú looked at him. Then he slowly shook his head. “Were I to tell you that, you’d learn less than by coming up with the answer yourself. As a teacher, you should know that.”

Kieran blinked, not saying anything in response right away, but he did know what Aindriú was talking about. Turning his attentions to the floggers, ignoring the crops and paddles and other implements, he tried to think. After not coming up with a ready conclusion after half a minute, he resorted to touch and scent to judge the options he had. He passed the suede flogger by right away; it felt _too_ light, and he had a feeling Nicholas wouldn’t see it as a punishment if he used that one. Maybe some time later, as a reward? The next one was leather he recognised. It would be hard to miss, seeing as how he’d hunted deer that many times. Not that there was much left of its skin to determine by touch after said hunt, and there wasn’t _that_ much left of the animal’s scent in the flogger after all the treatments it’d been through, not to mention all the hands touching it, and all the times it’d been cleaned, but there was enough for him to recognise. Pausing by it for a moment, he allowed himself to remember the thrill of the chase, the excitement as the prey was led into an ambush and his fangs finally penetrated its skin, the rich taste of blood and raw meat… Shaking his head to clear it, he moved on, but found himself unable to focus on the other ones. In the end, he returned to the deer skin flogger and took it down. It might or mightn’t be the one Aindriú would pick, but he liked it. And a tiny part of him enjoyed the irony of the deer striking back at the wolf for once.

“This one,” he said firmly, then blinked as he noticed Aindriú had stripped down to his waist.

Aindriú nodded, then reached out and plucked down one with thick bands of rubber, nearly two centimetres wide each. “For comparison,” he said in response to Kieran’s inquiring look.

Right. They returned to the dummy, and Aindriú went up close to the dummy, using the handle of his flogger to point to it.

“Stick to this area of the back,” he said, drawing a loose circle that covered most of the dummy flesh, only glancing briefly at it to check what he was doing, otherwise keeping his eyes on Kieran. Then he gestured to the lower parts, just above the curve of its buttocks. “Avoid the kidney area, or you could cause some serious internal damage. If you’re not certain you can avoid that, a kidney belt is recommended.” Next, he pointed to the shoulders and the sides of the body. “Be careful here, here and here. Wrap-around hurts like a bitch.”

Kieran nodded. “Skin on the back is thicker.”

Aindriú looked at him for a few moments, eyebrows raised. “Exactly. And the wrap-around in itself helps speed up the tips, makes them hit harder than you intended.” Again, Kieran nodded. Simple physics. Aindriú’s eyes flicked back to the dummy, lowering the handle to the buttocks. “You can, of course, go for the arse and thighs, but they’re smaller targets and it’s easier to hit something you don’t want to. I wouldn’t recommend it until you have more experience.”

Kieran’s mind flashed back to Nicholas. He’d made it seem so easy, so casual. He didn’t even want to think how much practice lay behind that. He could only hope that Nicholas wouldn’t hold it against him that he wasn’t as skilled. That the omega would appreciate him making the effort to learn even the basics instead of making comparisons to his own skills.

Coming back, Aindriú held out his hand for the flogger Kieran was holding, exchanging it for the rubber one. “Watch how I do it.”

Kieran nodded once more to show he’d heard, then watched as Aindriú got into position. Studied his placement of his feet, how his back straightened, how he exuded dominance to a slightly higher degree than before. He raised his arm, the strands of the flogger falling back against it. Then he let it fall, almost gently, toward the dummy. The clash of leather against artificial flesh was louder than it ought to have, considering the almost casual manner with which Aindriú had landed the strike. There were very faint marks on the dummy; not red, like they would have been on a real body, but still marks, though they faded quickly.

Aindriú did it again, the strands falling across the dummy’s back, in almost the exact same place. “The goal,” Aindriú said, “is to hit the same area several times, to get the endorphins to build up. Whether for punishment or pleasure, you want that, though more so for pleasure. If you want, hold the strands with your other hand, like this.” He demonstrated, tugging the flogger back just a little. “Release them as you drop your arm. Don’t use your wrist to direct the strokes, don’t swivel your hips.” Kieran blinked. That wasn’t how he remembered Nicholas doing it. That time, it’d been mostly Nicholas’ wrists working, unless he’d completely missed something. “You _can_ , but it’s less reliable, too much for the brain to memorise. If you need to adjust where you hit, move your feet.” As he said that, he took half a step to the right, turning just a little bit. When he next let the flogger fall toward the dummy, the strands marked a different section of the dummy’s back, missing more than half of it. He moved back to his previous position and landed another strike. “With time, you’ll automatically start to calculate the best position for the target; but don’t expect that from the beginning.” He turned and held out the flogger, once more exchanging the two. “Go ahead, Bob’s ready for you.”

Kieran stepped closer to the dummy, tried to copy Aindriú’s confident stance. “Why Bob?” he asked.

“It’s what the real boxing and martial arts dummies are called. Body opponent bag, or something like that. It’s… caught on. This is a custom built one, though, since those usually end around the waist or upper thighs – and have clothes present in the mould – and the back’s usually not intended to be displayed or used.”

Kieran shrugged and filed the knowledge away; it wasn’t important, but it meant he didn’t have to wonder about the seemingly random name on the dummy.

“Speaking of clothes,” Aindriú went on. “You might want to strip down a bit, unless you want to stink up your shirt.”

Kieran only blinked. It did make sense, and even after just those few lashes he could smell the sweat on Aindriú’s body. Handing the flogger back temporarily, he quickly unbuttoned his shirt and hung it over the nearby bench press. Taking the flogger once more, he positioned himself, focusing on what he was doing. He raised his arm, collecting the strands with his other hand and tugged them back. He released the strands as he let his arm fall.

It wasn’t nearly as easy as Nicholas and Aindriú had both made it seem. He glared at the quickly fading marks on Bob’s back. Not quite where he’d wanted them. He started to turn, then caught himself just as Aindriú commented, “Move your feet, not your shoulders.” Restraining himself from glaring at the human, he adjusted his position slightly and tried again. And again.

By the time Aindriú finally called a stop to it, he was tired, muscles aching slightly from the unfamiliar movements, but he’d been able to reliably land the flogger in the same spots and somewhat gotten used to adjusting his position based on where he wanted the strikes to land rather than through pure guesswork. When Aindriú had stepped up to stand next to the dummy to point out areas where he wanted Kieran to hit, he’d been taken aback, but he’d refused to show any nervousness and gone on as usual. He hadn’t hit Aindriú. He’d had an opportunity to try the heavier rubber flogger as well, and while the dummy wasn’t exactly alive and probably didn’t give the same physical feedback as a human body would, he could tell the difference in sound and the marks that remained just one or two heartbeats longer.

“Sound work,” Aindriú said, nodding, as Kieran stepped back. “Had you not said you’d never done this before, I’d have assumed you had.”

“Thank you,” Kieran said, because humans expected that sort of thing. Aindriú’s sudden grin and the expectation in his scent unnerved him slightly. It didn’t seem as if they were a response to his thanks.

“Now for the next step.” Next step? “Bob’s awful kind to help with this, but he’s not one to talk much. You need something more than that.”

Movement in the corner of his eye drew Kieran’s attention to Declan. Like the rest of them, he’d stripped down to his waist, making the slender dog collar around his neck all the more obvious. He went over to the gymnastic rings, grabbing hold of them, presenting his back to Kieran and Aindriú. Kieran looked at him for a few moments, then turned his head to stare at Aindriú.

“Declan will tell you how painful the strikes are, on a scale between one and ten, where one stands for barely noticeable and ten stands for ‘fuck no, do it again and I’ll safe-word’.” Aindriú paused for a moment. “You don’t want to hit that hard.”

Against his will, Kieran’s thoughts flashed back to the human woman who’d apparently gotten off on being whipped, being effectively tortured. He hesitated, then spoke up. “Everyone feels pain differently. What Declan would deem a ten might only be a seven for someone else, or even a three.”

He got a nod in response. “That’s true. But it’ll at least give you a general indication of where you are, of how much strength to use. It would be best, as I’ve mentioned, to work on this together with Nicholas, him being the one you’re learning all this for, but…” Aindriú shrugged. “Declan’s willing to assist you, at least today.”

Kieran nodded. Taking up the deerskin flogger again, he stepped closer to Declan. “Thank you, Declan. I’ll do my best to keep you from regretting it.”

Declan ducked his head in a brief nod. “Nicholas trusts you. I trust his judgement.”

Huh. That was an interesting way to put it. For a moment, Kieran was too surprised by it to be jealous over the fact that Declan and Nicholas obviously knew each other. Then he had a flash of jealous worry that the two had been together. A few seconds later, he discarded the feeling. If that had happened, it had. Nicholas wouldn’t have felt anything important for the human boy, and had he felt strongly about Nicholas he wouldn’t be with Aindriú now, would he?

He got into position behind Declan, glancing between the boy and his feet a few times, measuring the distance and angle. He corrected his stance just a little. Before he could raise the flogger, however, he caught Aindriú’s scent and realised he’d forgotten something. He paused, thinking. What had he forgotten? What had he missed? Maybe Aindriú would remind him if he looked that way, but that would also mean showing he wasn’t worthy to count himself as a Dom the way humans did it. The way Nicholas needed him to do it. The way he had to do it, if he wanted to make Nicholas feel cherished, loved and safe.

He blinked. Safe. That’s what he’d missed. “Your safe word, Declan?” he asked, immediately scenting the relief and approval coming off the two humans.

“Red to stop, yellow to slow down,” Declan stated calmly, his tone deferential despite the lack of any honorific. Giving no sign that he’d been even worried that Kieran wouldn’t remember to ask. Or, perhaps, trusting that if Kieran didn’t ask, Aindriú would step in and do it for him.

Kieran started off lightly, carefully controlling his strength, and he wasn’t entirely surprised that he had to adjust his stance just a little bit to correct his aim. The second one landed where he wanted it to, and he nodded to himself. Good.

Declan gave him a number after each hit, but right away, Kieran was reminded that he had a tool humans didn’t count on, something that would help him adjust to any sub he took a flogger to. Scent. Instead of matching the number Declan gave him to the strength he’d used, he matched it to the level of pain in his scent. His confidence bolstered by that, he gave Declan a few more stripes before he increased the intensity of them a little bit. Declan gasped and writhed, the number going up from three or four to six. Then, a few hits later, it went down to five. Kieran’s took a deep breath, taking in as much of Declan’s scent as possible. The pain was the same, but there was also a hint of pleasure. Endorphins starting to kick in, he assumed, taking the edge off the pain.

After a few more, Aindriú came up next to him. Kieran paused, glancing at the Dom. Was he doing something wrong? But no; while there was a light hint of nervous worry to Aindriú’s scent, there was nothing that would indicate he was upset with what Kieran had done so far. A few heartbeats later, Aindriú held out the rubber flogger toward him.

Kieran hesitated. “Are you sure?” he asked, needing to be certain. Part of him wondered why. They’d told him it hurt more; why did Aindriú want him to hit his Declan with it?

“Just twice. To judge the difference.”

He accepted the trade with reluctance. The rubber flogger felt heavy in his hand, somehow heavier than it had been when it had been Bob’s back in front of him. He looked at Declan’s back, coloured by the flogger, the thin pink lines converging into an almost solid patch around the spot he’d been aiming for. He drew in a breath to steady himself. Declan’s scent was calm, the pain and pleasure still humming through him, still in the moment despite the short break. Aindriú was apprehensive, but confident.

He raised the new flogger and let the strands fly, holding back just like he had at the beginning with the deerskin one. Declan’s pain spiked, echoed in the soft cry he let out, by the way he swayed forward.

“Seven,” he gasped out once he had control over himself again. His shoulders heaved as he breathed, the muscles in his arms and back flexed as he tightened his hold on the rings.

Seven. “Last one,” he informed Declan gently, reminding the boy it was almost over. Declan nodded, braced himself. Kieran wasn’t sure if it was a bad sign that he hadn’t said anything in response, but he raised the flogger anyway. He paused, taking in Declan’s scent and searching it for any sign he wasn’t willing. There were none. A slight hint of trepidation, but not fear, an edge of pride and above all submission, a willingness to oblige. Satisfied, Kieran sent the rubber strands flying.

“Nine,” Declan almost sobbed out a few heartbeats later, once the initial pain and shock had been processed. Kieran did his best to memorise the first spike, then wave of pain, tried to ignore the slightly darker stripes that slowly separated themselves from the bright pink background. Dropping the flogger to the floor, he took the few steps that separated them. He had no interest in Declan, but he knew his duty; Declan had been subbing for him, and it was his responsibility to ensure he was fine.

“It’s over,” he said softly, placing his hand lightly in the wedge between Declan’s shoulder and upraised arm. “You can let go now; I’ll catch you.”

For a few moments, Declan just stood there, knuckles white as he gripped the rings. As if Kieran’s words hadn’t even processed. Then slowly, jerkily, his fingers opened and the human slumped. Determined to be true to his word, Kieran stepped even closer to support him without putting pressure on his back.

Aindriú’s scent came hot and angry from behind them. Possessive. Kieran’s mouth twitched into a brief smile, understanding the feeling altogether. “Come, Declan,” he continued, as though he hadn’t noticed. “I’ll help you back to your Dom. Put your arm around my shoulder, there’s a good boy.” Shifting to Declan’s side, he put an arm around the human’s waist in return.

Aindriú met them halfway, holding out his arms to accept Declan close. Declan almost fell against him in his eagerness to get away from Kieran, but Kieran took no offence. He knew Declan didn’t fear him, didn’t dislike him. It was just that he wasn’t the one the boy needed right now.

He watched the two hold each other for close to five minutes, tried not to listen to the sweet assurances they whispered to each other. He was silent for as long as he could, but now that his focus was no longer on the task at hand it was becoming harder and harder to ignore the approaching moonrise. Unwilling to interrupt, he nevertheless cleared his throat. Aindriú looked up at him over Declan’s shoulder. The sub didn’t even move.

“Thank you,” he said, locking eyes with the other Dom, willing him to see how much he meant it. “For teaching me this, and for standing aside despite wanting to throw me away from him.” Colour rose in Aindriú’s cheeks, but he nodded. “And thank you, Declan, for being willing to submit to me even temporarily.”

“Didn’t mind,” he heard Declan murmur against Aindriú’s chest. “You’re a good Dom.”

“He says you’re welcome,” Aindriú translated. Kieran didn’t let on that he’d heard, and just smiled his acceptance of the interpretation of it.

“I need to leave, but…” If he left as he was, there was no getting around it. Nicholas would notice Declan’s scent on him, as well as the leather and rubber on Kieran’s hands. His eyes flickered to the second door leading from the room. “You said that was a shower room. Does it work?”


	27. Chapter 27

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There... may be an end in sight o.o This is the first time I've come this close to actually finishing a fic, whether original or fanfic (apart from oneshots and drabbles, of course). Had a burst of creativity last night and cranked out close to four thousand words, if not more.  
> I've tried to look through it and fix spelling/grammar mistakes and dangling modifiers messing everything up (not to mention all the male pronouns making it unclear who's doing or saying what). Hopefully I caught them all.

_Nicholas_

 

Nicholas sat up abruptly, wondering what had woken him up. Also, he had to admit, when he’d fallen asleep. His phone sounded again, the shrill dog whistle mingling with the burring noise as it vibrated against the table. Before it would have a chance to wake up anyone else, he swiped his thumb across the screen to shut it up. Then he just sat there for a few, long seconds, trying to clear the cotton from his head so he could think.

His breath hitched as last night slid into perfect clarity. Kieran’s demand, his own desperate attempts to live up to Kieran’s expectation, his relief when Charlie took the weight off his shoulders. Heat rose in his cheeks at how easily he’d allowed the beta to keep him from doing what he thought he should do. At how easily Charlie had seen, had known how to treat him. What Nicholas had needed, even if he hadn’t been quite aware of it himself.

Sliding out of bed, he shivered slightly at the chilly touch of air against his skin. Tonight. Tonight, his punishment would end, one way or another. No. There was only one way it’d end. Kieran would win. Anything else was unthinkable. And to help him, Nicholas would be controlled by Charlie. He’d have preferred Kieran’s control, but… He shook his head resolutely. Either way, there was nothing he could do about it, and in the end his own preferences weren’t important.

Pulling on his jeans and a clean t-shirt, he grabbed his notepad, left his room and padded downstairs. Or, he would have, if he hadn’t run into Charlie at the top of the stairs, a tray of breakfast in his hands.

“Morning, Nicholas,” the beta greeted him.

“Good morning, Charlie,” he responded politely, stepping aside and barely, just barely, keeping himself from lowering his head in obvious submission.

Charlie took another five steps, then paused. He turned to look back over his shoulder, studying Nicholas. “You can either come with me while I see to Samantha, or you can wait downstairs in the kitchen.” Nicholas blinked at him, his brain blank at the suddenness of it all. Charlie waited for all of three seconds. “It’s your choice, Nicholas. Not going to make it for you.”

He probably should wait downstairs. He’d just be in the way, wouldn’t he? And while he wanted to know _why_ Samantha had been part of all that, he wasn’t sure he _really_ wanted to know. It was one thing with Jeremy; he just hadn’t known, had made some very incorrect assumptions. But Samantha _knew_ what BDSM was. She wouldn’t have made a mistake like that. So she’d thrown him under the bus on purpose. What would Kieran want him to do? Nicholas had no idea.

“I won’t let her do anything to you, Nicholas.” Charlie turned halfway around, sparing his neck. “You’d be safe with me.”

Well, good. Not that he’d been too concerned about that. But while he felt confident that Charlie could stop her from physically hurting him, there was no way Charlie could keep her from saying something hurtful. Not without gagging her, which wasn’t too likely considering the breakfast tray.

“Which… Which would be more helpful to you?” He asked the question softly, hoping Charlie wouldn’t take offence. He _had_ said it was Nicholas’ choice, after all. Charlie frowned, and he wished he could take the words back. Then he caught a whiff of Charlie’s scent. He didn’t smell upset at all. Maybe it was fine.

“Is that your main worry?” Charlie asked. “Being helpful?”

Nicholas hesitated. “Apart from pleasing Kieran, yes. I don’t want to get in your way, but I don’t want to sit and twiddle my thumbs is there something I can do to help.”

A few seconds of silence, then Charlie grunted and nodded. “Come along, then.” Turning his back on Nicholas, he strode off down the same hallways Nicholas had come from. Nicholas blinked and stared after him for a few heartbeats before hurrying to catch up. “Did you sleep well?”

“I did, Charlie,” Nicholas said, assuming his lack of dreams constituted good sleep. “Thank you,” he added, not forgetting how Charlie had helped him sleep. Without that help, he’d probably have lain awake all night, tossing and turning even after deciding to attempt sleep. He hesitated. “Did… Did Kieran agree?” He bit his lip. Surely this wasn’t the time to ask that; it should have waited until they were back downstairs and Charlie was ready to deal with it.

Charlie was silent for a few more steps, each of which provided Nicholas with further proof he should have kept his mouth shut. “He agreed.” Oh blessed night, thank you. “We’ll discuss it once I’m done with this.”

Nicholas nodded, hanging his head. Being behind Charlie, he doubted the beta noticed, but he just couldn’t bring himself to give a vocal response. He stopped when Charlie did, but then took half a step backwards in shock when Charlie turned around and held out the tray toward him.

“Hold this.” Nicholas obeyed the order before he had time to reflect over it. He kept the tray level as Charlie unlocked the door and pulled it open.

Samantha’s sharp breath was the only sign that she’d noticed Charlie wasn’t alone. Nicholas refrained from looking inside. He intended to just hand the tray over to Charlie and wait outside until the beta was done, but to his surprise Charlie gestured him into the room.

The secure rooms were more sparsely furnished than the ones on the opposite side of the hallway. The bed was little more than a mattress on the floor, albeit a box mattress, and it was clear the bedside cabinet – or chest of drawers, whatever one wanted to call it – served as both storage and table. The ‘en suite’ only furthered the impression, the toilet cramped and without a door for privacy.

Keeping his eyes on the floor, Nicholas cautiously ventured inside. Without looking at her, he’d have little warning should she attempt anything, but he firmly reminded himself that _if_ she were to attempt anything under Charlie’s eyes, Charlie would protect him. He set down the tray on the chest of drawers and hurriedly stepped away. He wouldn’t be a very good hostage, but he wasn’t about to give her the opportunity to try.

“Nicholas, wait,” she said, her voice completely lacking the commanding quality it usually did. It sounded more like a plea than an order, but Nicholas couldn’t help but treat it as the latter either way. He paused, glancing up at her briefly, then turning his gaze toward Charlie, just to see if he’d object. Charlie didn’t move. “Look, I…” Samantha began, trailing off. Nicholas glanced at her, catching an annoyed look in her face as she pushed her hair back behind her ears. She took a deep breath. “I’m sorry, Nick. I was a bloody tool, doing that to you. I should’ve–”

Nicholas shook his head, and she cut herself off. “Don’t,” he said. He swallowed, then slowly went on, “I… don’t mind for my own sake. If you hadn’t, I’m not sure Kieran would have noticed me at all.” Had that been all that had happened, he might even have thanked her for what she’d done. Or rather, what he assumed she’d done; it wasn’t that great a stretch to assume she was the one who’d at least informed James what happened at Devotion, perhaps even obtained the surveillance video for him. “But because of you, Kieran will be risking his life tonight.” He clenched his hands into fists, allowing his fear and anger to keep his back straight and enable him to stand up to a beta. “Because of you, he’ll be fighting a wolf he’s seen as a brother. _That_ is something I can’t forgive right now. If ever.”

Turning his back on her, he strode out of the room, passing Charlie without even looking up at him. He didn’t go far, however, only stepping around to the back of the door and leaning against the wall, trying to gather his wits again. He forced himself to breathe calmly, counting the seconds in his head for each inhalation and exhalation, and not think too hard about how he’d let Charlie down. He’d said he wanted to be of help, and yet the first time something upset him he’d run away.

Charlie was talking to Samantha, she was saying something back, but the words didn’t make sense, turning into a rippling duet of vowels and consonants; Charlie’s rumbling bass and Samantha’s softer alto. When the door suddenly closed, swinging away from him with a sudden draught, he all but jumped. Charlie locked the door, then simply stood there, looking at Nicholas.

Nicholas couldn’t meet his gaze even if he wanted to. “I’m sorry,” he whispered.

Charlie grunted, sounding almost startled. He was quiet a few seconds more, making Nicholas wonder if he was supposed to say something more. Then Charlie spoke up. “Downstairs,” was all he said.

Nicholas hurried to obey, setting off down the hallway without waiting for Charlie to go first. Was this something he’d need to write down? Probably; he wasn’t even sure if Kieran would have wanted him to go near Samantha in the first place, so that was one, but then he’d mouthed off at her. No matter that she was, effectively, a prisoner, she was way above him in rank. Of course, Kieran might see that as a good thing, too, since the punishment entailed _not_ behaving like an omega, so maybe he was supposed to do things like that? But he’d offered to help Charlie and then completely failed to do so, other than carrying in a tray which wasn’t really much. He’d probably made things worse for Charlie.

“Kitchen,” Charlie ordered from above him as Nicholas reached the bottom of the stairs, and he turned his steps there, relieved to be given direction. Once he got onto the tiles, he stopped, waiting for Charlie to catch up. “Sit,” came the next order, and he slid onto the indicated stool at the breakfast bar. A plate of food was set down in front of him. “Eat.”

Part of him was grateful for the relatively simple orders. There was no way to fail, no way to misunderstand. He barely tasted his breakfast, too focused on obeying to consider what it was he ate. It did taste good, it wasn’t that, but he’d have eaten anything, both because he’d been told to and because he knew he’d need the calories, the energy, later tonight.

“Good man,” Charlie commented once Nicholas pushed the cleaned plate away from him. He took it away, setting it next to the sink, setting off a flare of worry in Nicholas’ heart; worry that he ought to have done that, even if Charlie was obviously pleased with him, judging by the praise. He probably should have taken the plate himself, but Charlie had ordered him to sit, and he didn’t want to disobey. “You can wash up later,” the beta said, making it sound like a promise.

He nodded. “I’m sorry, Charlie,” he offered up his excuse again.

“You’ve nothing to apologise for, Nicholas. Had I thought, I’d have told you to wait downstairs for me. Should have known it wasn’t a good idea.”

“But I said I’d help you, and–”

“And you did,” Charlie interrupted. Nicholas didn’t argue, even if he didn’t agree. “Do I need to order you not to blame yourself?”

Nicholas’ head shot up, and he stared at Charlie for a few seconds, holding his breath as he searched the beta’s face for any sign he wasn’t serious. He was. And Nicholas knew Charlie could do that, could force him to change his mind on the matter. He swallowed, lowered his gaze, and shook his head. “You don’t need to do that,” he said quietly, just barely holding back the ‘sir’. Charlie didn’t want to be called sir, not while he wasn’t allowed to call Kieran his master. There was nothing he could do to stop Charlie from giving him that order, he knew that, but he hoped the beta would choose not to.

“Good. Got enough with what I need to order you about today.” A chill ran down Nicholas’ spine, quickly followed by a sense of gratitude; with Charlie’s help, he’d be able to please Kieran. Charlie’s hand landed on his shoulder. “You know I don’t want to hurt you, don’t you?”

Nicholas let out a soft breath, feeling the supportive strength in the grip. He nodded. “I do.” He hadn’t doubted that, not really. It was just difficult giving up himself to someone who wasn’t his master. Even if… “You’d make a good Dom,” he blurted out, the words tumbling out of his mouth before he was quite aware of it. Embarrassed, he stared down at the table.

To his surprise, Charlie laughed. “Donna would sure have something to say about that, she would.” He squeezed Nicholas shoulder lightly before letting go. “A compliment, for sure, but not something I’d enjoy.” Nicholas could smell his amusement for a few seconds before it faded. “Now, before I go up go get the tray back, you’ll need to tell me how this is done.”

Nicholas blinked and glanced up briefly at Charlie. How it was done? “You just… order me.” What else did he want to know? That was all Charlie would need to do.

The words clearly took Charlie back. “Just like that? Doesn’t sound too safe. Anyone could do that, without thinking about it.”

“Oh, that wouldn’t… I mean…” He grimaced, shrugged just a little. “It takes a certain state of mind to be receptive.”

“Right. Go on.”

Nicholas was only confused for a heartbeat before he realised Charlie wanted details. Closing his eyes, he took a deep breath before obeying the non-explicit order, telling the beta about clearing his mind, becoming an empty vessel for another’s will. He didn’t, however, tell him about the burning need that always came with that act, how at that moment he always, just for a never-ending moment, felt he would die if he failed to obey, how the voice, his master’s voice, echoed through him until it was everything he knew, everything he would ever know. Charlie didn’t need to know that, not with how uneasy he was with what little Nicholas did tell him.

Charlie was silent for a good long while, clearly working on processing what Nicholas had said. “And after? How do you get out of it?”

Nicholas held back his instinctive answer, knowing a repeat of his ‘you just order me’ wouldn’t be appreciated. “I’m… always susceptible to the voice of the one who commanded me,” he finally settled on. If that was himself, it was a little more complicated, but this time it wouldn’t be himself so it wasn’t relevant information. “At any time, you could order me to go back to being myself, and it’d work. Or you could set a… trigger, I suppose you could call it, when you order me. Like with hypnosis? You know, the whole ‘when I snap my fingers, you will wake up’ thing. You could make it either an action, a time frame, or an event.” He swallowed. It was a little disconcerting, telling Charlie about this. He wouldn’t have if he hadn’t trusted Charlie, trusted both his integrity and his pack loyalty.

Again, Charlie was silent. Nicholas waited with increasingly strained patience, not wanting to push the beta, wanting to allow him to think everything through, but getting more and more nervous regarding the outcome. He did his best to hold back, tried to think of something else, anything else, but it was difficult not to end up thinking about what was to come later that night. Finally he settled for formulating what he was going to write down in his notepad regarding the visit to Samantha. It might or might not be considered a mistake or a failure to stick to the rules, but Kieran deserved his honesty. He was halfway through that when Charlie at last spoke up.

“So… I could give you an order and specify it will last until something particular happens, even when I don’t know what time that will happen, like ‘the next time the phone rings’, and once that happens, you’ll come back to normal by yourself?”

Nicholas nodded. “Just so,” he whispered. “Or you could leave it open and at any time tell me to go back to normal.”

Charlie thought about it some more, though this time the silence only lasted about ten seconds. “Can the same be done about the start of it?”

Nicholas blinked. “Sorry?”

“Would it work to say that an order will take effect ‘next time the phone rings’ or the like?”

This time it was Nicholas’ turn to think it through. Would that work? He couldn’t remember anyone having done that before, but he couldn’t really see any reason it wouldn’t, either. In theory, it should work. “I don’t know,” he said honestly. “I can’t see why it wouldn’t, but it’s never been tested before.”

Charlie nodded slowly, then gave him a small smile. “Well, that’s what today’s for, isn’t it?”

Was it? Nicholas blinked, then nodded. If Charlie said it was, it was. “I suppose so, Charlie,” he acknowledged.

Charlie nodded again, this time just one, sharp move of his head. “Good.” He glanced over at the clock in the living room. “Time to get the tray. You stay.” Two seconds’ pause as he returned his attention to Nicholas. “You do what you need to. Been close to an hour since you got up. When I get back, we’ll start.”

The burgeoning astonishment that Charlie not only knew about his reflections – which would have been impossible to miss, these past few days – but actually remembered enough to remind him it was time quickly drowned in a sea of trepidation. _When I get back, we’ll start._ He swallowed and forced himself to nod in return. “I’ll be ready,” he promised.

Four hours later, he wasn’t nearly as certain. He lost count over how many times Charlie ordered him to stop feeling, to keep his emotions to himself, to only feel a certain type of emotion. Charlie experimented with both end and start triggers, proving that it was, indeed, possible to set a command to take effect at a later point. Between each ‘session’, he made sure to let Nicholas rest, and he never forgot to remind Nicholas about his hourly reflections, but by the time they stopped to fix themselves something to eat, Nicholas’ head felt too small for his brain, each movement feeding the dull throb in his temples.

“Sit,” Charlie ordered, pointing toward the sofa. “Rest.”

The order left no room for argument, and to be honest Nicholas didn’t _want_ to argue; Charlie’s voice was still echoing inside him, bouncing from wall to wall inside his mind, compelling him to obey. Plus, he knew he needed the rest if he was to have any chance of recovering. So he merely nodded and padded off toward the sofa, curling up on one end of it and closing his eyes, shutting out the glaring light coming in through the windows. Moments later, a hand on his shoulder woke him up.

“Food’s on the table.”

Nicholas blinked up at Charlie, wondering how the hell he’d managed that feat. It hadn’t even been… The thought trailed into a moment of blank silence as his eyes landed on the clock face and took in the position of the hands. He blinked, trying to decide how he felt about having lost just over forty-five minutes.

“How’s your head?” Charlie asked when he didn’t move apart from that.

His head? Right, he’d had a headache. “I’m just grand,” he responded with some relief.

Charlie studied him for a few seconds longer, and he fought the urge to squirm, forcing himself into the calmness of waiting for a Dom – even if Charlie wasn’t one, let alone _his_ – to decide what to do. Finally, the beta nodded. “Good. I’m after thinking about it some, and I’m done with the practicing. More of it will only bring back that headache.”

Nicholas felt his muscles stiffen, locking him in place. His breath caught, and he very carefully didn’t look up at Charlie. Was this it?

“Want to do it before or after eating?”

It took him a few seconds to process the question, part of him confused that he was given a choice. Then he spent another couple of seconds to consider it. In the end, the choice was easy. “Now, please,” he said softly. Waiting would only make it worse. He closed his eyes, relaxing and focusing his senses on Charlie, preparing himself.

“Good omega,” Charlie rumbled, and with his mind completely open the words made Nicholas mewl in helpless pleasure. He’d done something good, and it didn’t matter that it was only Charlie, that Charlie had no sexual interest in him, that normally he had no sexual interest in Charlie; at that moment he was willing to submit to exactly anything Charlie would ask of him. He heard Charlie crouch down in front of him, heard the creak of the table as Charlie’s weight rested on it. “Look me in the eyes,” came Charlie’s calm growl, something that was only possible with Charlie, and the words reverberated through him, growing larger and larger with each moment, sending tingles all the way to his toes and fingers. He could no more disobey that command than he could survive without air.

Charlie’s eyes were mostly green, with iron grey streaks spearing through the irises. They didn’t command him by their mere existence, the way his alpha’s did, but they did make him feel safe. Protected. Like Charlie would be a solid rock to cling to if he was drowning.

“From the moment you set eyes on the wolf known as James Donovan and until the challenge is finished and a clear winner has emerged, you will be unable to feel any negative emotions, such as fear or worry. You will control yourself and keep yourself from interfering with the challenge in any way.”

The words settled into his mind. No, that wasn’t right, because they weren’t really words. They were concepts and at the same time they were as close to physical objects as any sound could ever be. If anyone asked him, he wasn’t sure he’d even be able to repeat what Charlie had just told him. In this moment, he didn’t feel that a beta’s order was any less effective than an alpha’s. It didn’t seem possible. He needed to obey, needed to please Charlie and, by doing so, please Kieran. Perhaps that was part of it, his knowledge that Charlie was simply an extension of Kieran’s will?

“Is this clear?”

“It is.” The words tumbled out of his mouth before he’d even registered that a question had been asked.

“Good.” The praise caressed him and he could have come in his jeans if he hadn’t been so sure Kieran wouldn’t like that. Charlie didn’t like it either. Nicholas could smell his embarrassment, saw the discomfort in his eyes before the beta stood up, breaking eye contact. If he’d been able to move, he’d have curled up in an apologetic ball, horrified at having discomfited Charlie.

Nicholas took a deep breath, slowly coming out of his trance state, gathering his scattered wits about him. It still felt strange, coming out of it without being altered in any way, at least any way discernable. Part of him knew the order remained in the back of his head, waiting for the stated condition to occur, but he couldn’t _feel_ it. He shivered, feeling a new compassion for the ‘victims’ of hypnotists, those who couldn’t even remember the session and were taken completely unawares once the trigger made them jump or cluck like a chicken or whatever else they might have been conditioned for. At least he knew the general gist of what would happen, even if he couldn’t quite remember the exact words Charlie had said.

Food was on the table, he reminded himself, pushing off the sofa to walk over to the dining table. His steps were remarkably steady.

“I’m going out for some messages,” Charlie stated, obviously trusting that Nicholas was ‘back’. “You can eat and then clean up.”

Nicholas nodded. “Thank you,” he said. He almost smiled at Charlie’s obvious confusion. He almost expected him to ask what Nicholas meant, but no.

“You’re not to go near Samantha’s door while I’m gone.” He paused, but not long enough for Nicholas to respond. “Unless there’s a fire or some other reason to get everyone out, that is,” he then added.

Nicholas nodded again. “Understood, Charlie.” He started eating with partially feigned calm while Charlie headed for the door. Stocking up on groceries before a full moon was expected of everyone; just as Charlie went out, the others were more than likely to bring some home with them. It would be needed, since no one would be inclined to go out just for that during the next three days. He did feel a bit guilty for not doing the same, but he hoped he was excused due to not being allowed to set foot outside.

After the morning he’d had, doing chores was relaxing. Even his reflections didn’t spoil the mood, and now that he knew _he_ wouldn’t be able to ruin everything, he even managed to keep his mind on the proper topics. Most of the time.

He did the dishes, dragged the hoover all over the ground floor, helped Charlie – once he got back – make lasagne to heat up next day, and then looked for something else to do until Charlie told him to sit down and stop running around like a blue-arsed fly.

He was almost relieved when the first pack members started drifting in, carrying their tribute of groceries into the kitchen. He wanted to help them put it away, but one stern look from Charlie kept him in his place on the sofa. His skin crawled, his heart ached at being forbidden to help, to serve. The approaching full moon called to him, demanded that he take his place in the pack. Did they know? Did the moon call to them as well? What did she demand of them? Did she even demand? Perhaps she whispered, coaxed, seduced. Nicholas didn’t know, and it didn’t matter.

Donna strode inside, one bag in each hand, one of them fighting for space with her helmet. She didn’t even enter the kitchen, only stopped at the edge of the living room and setting her bags down, her gaze scanning the wolves already there. Nicholas shivered at the dominance she exuded, his nature demanding that he grovel before her. She didn’t even look at him, and he was ready to kiss her boots, should she give any indication she wanted it. No, her eyes, once she’d given them all a glance, were fastened on Charlie. Charlie, in turn, kept his eyes lowered, only glancing up at her once in a while.

“Nicholas,” she growled. He slid off the sofa and near-crawled around. “Take care of these.” She didn’t indicate the bags at her feet, but there was no doubt what she meant. “Charlie, with me.”

In retrospect, it was a wonder they didn’t collide with each other in their eagerness to obey. Nicholas didn’t look after them as Donna practically dragged Charlie upstairs, all too happy to lug the bags into the kitchen and set to sorting their contents into the proper places.

“If you want, you can deal with these as well,” Peter’s voice came from behind, followed by the rustle of paper bags as he set his contribution down on the kitchen tiles.

“Of course,” Nicholas hurried to agree.

Caleb didn’t even say anything, only set his down next to them, nodded once at the others and strode off.

“I’ll take those,” Benjamin said with a smile, having just finished putting away his own groceries. Nicholas wanted to protest, but even if Benjamin was a submissive like him, he _was_ a gamma, and right now that difference in rank was all too important to ignore.

It was fortunate that Nicholas wasn’t holding anything half an hour later when he heard Kieran’s car turn into the driveway. If he had, it would have ended up on the floor as he all but ran to the door. Kieran was late. He should have… No, it wasn’t that he _should_ have been home earlier, but he _usually_ was. What had kept him? Moonrise was barely half an hour away.

“Welcome home, pack leader,” he managed as Kieran stepped inside, his sheer presence making his spine quiver and his knees buckle. He didn’t have the willpower to fight it, could only drop helplessly to the floor in the face of all that strength.

Kieran grunted in response, probably accompanied by a nod that Nicholas didn’t see, too busy to stare at the floor and Kieran’s shoes, then Kieran’s sock-clad feet once the shoes were toed off and pushed to the side. “Someone grab the messages from the boot,” he said, his voice loud enough to carry to the kitchen. Nicholas whimpered and aborted his movement toward the door when Kieran stepped in front of him. “Not you,” Kieran said, this time more quietly.

Not allowed outside. Of course Kieran wouldn’t let him leave. Nicholas forced himself to stay still as Aidan and Kelly hurried past them, both of them barefoot and neither of them bothering to put on shoes despite the gravel on the driveway.

“Charlie?” Kieran asked.

Nicholas swallowed. “Upstairs with Donna, pack leader.”

“Still? Never mind.” Kieran stepped past him, then paused after a few steps. “Come on.”

Nicholas flew to his feet and padded after Kieran into the living room and up to the door to Kieran’s bedroom. He stopped and dropped to his knees again when Kieran turned around to face him. There was a brief whiff of satisfaction from Kieran, and Nicholas’ heart soared. Kieran’s hand entered his field of vision, open, demanding.

The notepad. Nicholas offered it up eagerly, happy to be able to do anything that would please his alpha. For once, he wasn’t worried about what Kieran would read in it, not what had happened that morning, not the four extra tally marks for failed reflections. At that moment, it was very simple. Kieran had given him an order, and he was able to follow it.

“Thank you. Wait here until I come back out.”

Nicholas nodded, grateful to be given another order to follow, to be allowed to please Kieran. Aidan and Kelly crossed the living room somewhere behind him, carrying one bag each. Part of him wished he was allowed to take care of that, but he had his orders.

Kieran vanished through the doorway, and the door swung shut. Nicholas didn’t move. He knelt in front of the closed door as moonrise approached, too occupied with the need to do what Kieran wanted to worry about the time. Too focused to pay much attention to Donna and Charlie finally coming back down, the heady scent of sex swirling around them. Barely noticed Samantha trailing after them, unsure of her welcome.

With barely ten minutes to spare, Kieran came back out, already naked. He didn’t hold out the notepad for Nicholas to take, wasn’t even carrying it in the first place. “Good omega,” he murmured at seeing Nicholas still waiting, and Nicholas shuddered with pleasure. He’d done well. He’d pleased Kieran. “It’s time,” Kieran said then, clearly addressing the other wolves waiting in the living room. Letting the door fall closed behind him, he stepped past Nicholas, heading for the back door. The others followed him, those of them still dressed dropping their clothes on the floor as they went. Nicholas climbed to his feet and trailed in their wake, but when they went outside, he… couldn’t. He paused in the doorway, looking after them, unable to take that last step. Half of him knew he was supposed to go with them, but the other half of him told him his punishment lasted till after the challenge, and part of the punishment was not setting foot outside the house. He whimpered helplessly, staring longingly at his pack leader’s back, ignoring everyone else.


	28. Chapter 28

_Kieran_

 

The soft whimper behind him somehow managed to drown out the moon’s calling, the agonised scent swamping his senses to the point where he could barely smell the trees ahead of him. He stopped, turned around. Nicholas was standing just on the other side of the threshold, his right hand gripping the door frame tightly, his naked body pale and tense. The expression on the omega’s face was stark, his pained indecision obvious.

For a few seconds, Kieran didn’t understand. Why was Nicholas just standing there? Then he realised why, and pride swelled his heart at how well the omega followed the rules. “You’re allowed to come outside,” he said. Nicholas gratitude filled the back yard, closely followed by the other pack members’ shock and embarrassment.

“Thank you, pack leader,” Nicholas whispered, the words carrying through the quiet night air, and then he finally moved past the invisible barrier the doorway seemed to have presented him with. He pushed the door closed before joining the rest of the pack on the lawn.

As one, their faces turned to where the moon was rapidly approaching the horizon. Not a single breath was heard as the first sliver of white rose into view. For a moment, Kieran almost allowed the tingling light to pull out his inner wolf, but he forced himself to hold back. He was alpha, pack leader; he needed to make sure there were no problems. _Then_ he could change.

Nicholas and the gammas went first, falling to all fours as their fur emerged, as their bodies melted into lupine form. The others weren’t far behind them, but Kieran held back until he was surrounded by proper wolves before he gave in to the urge. Letting his gaze swipe across his pack one last time, he turned his face to the moon and closed his eyes.

Changing shapes had very little to do with werewolf films. There was no writhing on the ground in pain as your bones broke and reset themselves. His human flesh simply flowed aside, washed away by the moonlight, and his inner wolf emerged as if there had never been anything else.

On all fours, he shook his fur into place before raising his head and surveying his pack. They were all watching him in return, waiting for him to lead them. Moving forward into the group, he reacquainted himself with their touch and scent. Marking them, if you will, or possibly marking himself with their scents. Reaffirming the sense of community.

Two wolves were holding back, not approaching. As he stared at them in annoyance, Nicholas and Samantha lowered themselves to their bellies, almost as one, despite their difference in status. Their scents, revealing so much more details in this form than he’d ever be able to grasp on two legs, told him all too clearly why they hadn’t approached. Nicholas because he still thought he wasn’t allowed to carry Kieran’s scent, and Samantha because she wasn’t sure she would be attacked or welcomed.

“Come,” he ordered, the word more gesture and scent than sound. The other wolves flowed aside as the two crawled forward, begging his forgiveness with every movement. He waited until they were in front of him before leaning down and nipping at them. Their reactions were very different. Nicholas welcomed the correction, his scent spilling out his gratitude in loud words. Samantha was certain it was just the beginning of much harsher measures, yet she refused to humiliate herself by showing her belly and ask forgiveness.

No, he realised. She didn’t think she deserved forgiveness. “You are still of my pack,” he told her. “When the challenge is over and the outsider defeated, then you will tell me of your choice. Not before.”

She hesitated, but only a few moments. Then she sagged into compliance. “Your will, pack leader.”

He turned his attention to Nicholas. “You are still of my pack,” he stated. “Like any other wolf, you _will_ take part in this.”

Nicholas whimpered, pleading forgiveness for his assumption. His shame for wanting to take his place was so obvious. Kieran liked it, and allowed Nicholas to know that. And just like that, all seemed to be right in his omega’s world.

“Thank you for allowing me to please you,” Nicholas communicated, and Kieran panted with amusement. He somehow doubted Nicholas was fully aware of what he’d said.

“Up.” He directed the order to both of them, and they rose to their paws. Ears back and tails low, they waited in subservient silence. Kieran ignored it, especially ignored the beta presenting herself as much lower than she was, knowing he’d made the right choice about her. He moved into them, brushing past their sides, rubbing his cheeks against them to mark them, encouraging them to do the same. They were pack, and would stand united against the interloper.

Business done, he trotted toward the line of trees. “We run!” he called, forcing himself to keep his voice down as much as possible. It wouldn’t do to have the humans investigate the noise too much. The last thing his pack needed was foolish humans investigating their territory for where it came from, looking for stray dogs.

He wanted to delay, wanted to lose himself in the run, in the prey-free hunt, but there was a challenge to be met. All too soon, he forced himself to direct his paws toward the clearing where all such things had been determined for almost as long as there had been a pack here.

There was a stranger-not-stranger on his lands. He could feel James’ presence even before his ambitious second-in-command’s scent reached him. The human part of him, filled with notions of nostalgia, grieved that this had come to pass, but his wolf was in control now, and his wolf knew only that he had been betrayed, that he had been challenged. The challenge would be met. The pack had their instructions. Jeremy and Samantha were under guard, Donna and Caleb were on perimeter guard in case James brought backup – however he’d found it in the less than a week that had gone by.

His omega’s distress was a beacon of distraction in the background, sharper than the other wolves’ fears, and he wished he’d set someone to guard Nicholas as well. Not to keep him from acting out, but to keep him safe. The scent was forcing him to exude confidence enough to soothe the poor pup, spending energy that would be better spent in combat. A quick glance, a flick of his ears, and several wolves slunk over to Nicholas, nuzzling him, comforting him. Charlie had phoned him earlier that day, saying it was done, that Nicholas wouldn’t be a problem. Now, he was forced to wonder if they had failed. The annoyance tainted his attempts to soothe, causing the omega to cower down, drenched in misery.

Several things happened at once. James stepped out from the brush on the other side of the clearing. Mathias, Peter and Kelly – the three highest ranking available wolves – lined up behind Kieran, ready to jump in should something go wrong. And Nicholas very abruptly calmed down.

Freed from the need to care for his omega, Kieran took two steps forward, ‘squaring his shoulders’ as humans put it. James copied him, holding his head and tail almost as high. Declaring his intent.

“Under the moon, I challenge you for control of this pack,” James growled, baring his teeth and wrinkling his nose. Kieran’s hackles rose in return. “A weak alpha like you doesn’t deserve it.”

“You have no sense of loyalty to a pack; you cannot lead where you fail to follow,” Kieran retorted. James should have challenged openly once he became too dissatisfied with the pack structure, instead of the underhanded path he’d taken. “I refute your claim.” It should never have gone this far. Kieran shook off the echo of his human side and took another step forward, growling deep in his throat at the mere thought that James would be better suited to lead the pack. “Will you defend it with tooth and claw?”

James growled his affirmative, mirroring Kieran’s advance. “I will. Will you abide by the outcome?”

Kieran snorted. “I will.” He just barely kept himself from asking the same question in return. “May the gods witness and ensure the stronger wolf stands victorious.”

There was nothing more to say. A heartbeat passed. Another. Then, as if triggered by the signal gun at the start of a human race, they both launched themselves forward, mouths open and ready to bite.

It’d been a while, Kieran knew that. Fortunately, it seemed it had been a while for both of them. Just like he hadn’t anticipated James’ betrayal, James seemed to not have anticipated being called out so soon. Teeth found fur and flesh, claws dug into sensitive underbellies as they grappled and rolled, tumbling around each other only to spring apart and lick their latest wound for a few moments before leaping back into the fray again. The pack’s emotion rolled across the clearing, enveloping both of them in a roiling cloud of worry and excitement and fear. There was only one calm beacon that stood out. Nicholas. Kieran drew faith from the omega’s calm countenance. The knowledge that it wasn’t true calmness was distant, unimportant. Wolves didn’t lie. _Omegas_ didn’t lie. If Nicholas was calm, Kieran’s instincts told him, it was because he trusted his alpha implicitly. Nicholas knew Kieran would win, and Kieran had no choice but to live up to that trust.

He lost count of time, but realistically he knew the moon couldn’t have moved more than a nose width across the sky. He could taste James’ blood on his tongue, could smell his injuries. He knew it would be the same for James. But in the end, the conclusion of the fight was almost anticlimactic. Kieran nearly failed to avoid a lunge toward his throat, but as James shot past him, he snapped his head down and closed his jaws on James’ hind leg. For a few, long, moments, time stood still. Then the crack of bone and a wet clunk of the challenger’s hip joint seemed to echo as Kieran bit down hard at the same time as James’ movement pulled him forward.

James yipped in pain when Kieran let him go, hobbling aside and turning his injured side away from Kieran. Pain shone in his eyes, infiltrated his scent, but he snarled wordlessly at Kieran as if he thought he could still win. No, not as if he could win. His head slowly lowered, his ears pressing further back against his skull; his tail curled around his injured leg. He clearly didn’t want to reveal it, spitting and snarling as if nothing had changed, but Kieran knew. James was afraid. So was another wolf in the clearing, but he didn’t have the time to pinpoint the scent.

“Surrender or die,” Kieran growled, stepping forward and raising his head high, declaring his superiority.

For a few seconds, he thought James would force himself to fight, but then the challenger laboriously lowered himself to the ground, rolling to his good side and baring his throat. “I yield,” his action said, with only a faint hint of reluctance in his scent.

His pack erupted mostly in joy and pride, Nicholas’ scent louder than most. Echoing that pride, Kieran stepped in close to place his teeth to James’ throat in acceptance of the challenger’s surrender. He refused to show his own aches and pains; they were of little consequence in the long run, and would heal before the full moon had waned too far for the change.

The spike of alarm from behind saved him. It came from two sources, but only one mattered to him. Automatically, he raised his head to look back, ready to run to save his omega from whatever threatened him. James’ fangs snapped together so close to his throat that he could feel the challenger’s breath ruffle his fur. Infuriated at the betrayal, Kieran retaliated, pressing James down and closing his jaws around the defeated wolf’s throat. Instead of the ceremonial marking of his dominance, he bit down until blood spilled, until James’ struggles grew faint and finally stilled completely. Life fled and there was no longer a wolf beneath him, only meat.

Adrenaline faded, and exhaustion took his place. Raising his head was a struggle, as was turning his back on the carcass and facing his pack. Legs splayed and trembling with the effort of holding him up, he waited. “Go ahead,” he challenged silently. “This is the time to take advantage.” If any of them disagreed with the outcome, this was their opportunity to take over, when he was already weakened by his injuries.

Donna strode forward, her bearing and tension reflecting her nature. Alpha. Worse: mated alpha. She’d be able to bear pups to further the pack. If she wanted the leadership… He’d hate it, but he hoped he’d be able to stand submitting to her. He couldn’t leave, not if that meant leaving the omega as well. The omega was his. His to protect, his to control, his to love. It was difficult to keep those thoughts back, keep them from reflecting in his scent and stance, but weak or not, Kieran was an alpha, and he–

Donna lowered her tail, folded her ears back. Hunched her head down and reached in to cautiously lick along his jaw. “Pack leader,” she told him, offering him her submission.

Kieran almost staggered with relief. “Alpha,” he returned, acknowledging her rank, her strength and control. Normally, he wouldn’t have hesitated to welcome her as the pack member she was. Had the challenger been a true outsider, he would have. But this time, the challenger had been one he’d trusted to have his back. He couldn’t allow anyone in who thought that James had been right.

That close, it was no wonder Donna sensed his reason for not saying more than that. “My loyalty and strength are yours, pack leader. I will stand by your side, protect what’s yours. I will give my honest counsel when you ask it, and always yield first bite from the hunt to you.” She licked at him again, quietly begging him to accept her oath.

“Be welcome in my pack, Donna,” Kieran responded, placing his head on top of her shoulders briefly to establish rank, rubbing his cheek against her neck to further scent mark her. “I will always value your strength and your loyalty, and I will protect you in return. Will you vouch for your mate as well?” He eyed Charlie, who slunk forward at the subtle invitation, crouching down to lick first at Kieran’s jaw, then Donna’s.

“My mate is calm and steadfast. He will never let you down, though at times you may get what you need and not what you think you want.” She wasn’t entirely calm; some of her nervousness shone through. She knew the risk of Kieran not accepting her mate was miniscule, but even that tiny risk was enough to prevent her from being entirely safe until it had been said.

Kieran looked at Charlie, waiting for what he’d say. The beta was as robustly built in wolf form as he was on two legs, all of it sinews and muscles. If he wanted to, Charlie could probably lay Kieran flat with just his two front paws. His chest was almost twice as broad as Kieran’s, and if he’d stand up he’d probably be able to rest his head on top of Kieran’s without effort. It was a good thing, he thought to himself, that Charlie was comfortable just where he was, but he did make a very solid foundation for a pack.

“Just as my mate, I will follow you, pack leader. I will support you and guard your interests. I will hunt by your side and help you bring down the prey you seek. My loyalty is yours…” Charlie hesitated for a mere moment. “…but it is also my mate’s. I beg you will not make me choose between them.”

Like he’d done with Donna, Kieran rested his head on Charlie’s shoulders for a few seconds, rubbing his cheek against the beta’s neck and between his shoulders. “Be welcome in my pack, Charlie, mate of Donna. I accept your loyalty and support, and I will never expect you to act against her unless she betrays us both.” He took a deep breath and steadied himself. Donna and Charlie stepped aside, making room for the next wolf.

He almost lost track of the oaths he accepted, each of them subtly different, speaking of just what that wolf had to offer. To their credit, despite having the chance to do so, Mathias and Aidan made no mention of the other, no mating claims. Jeremy didn’t hesitate to offer his allegiance, and to offer it honestly. There was no lingering animosity toward the omega or Kieran, but there was a distinct measure of grief as the beta’s eyes rested on the dead body behind Kieran. Grief, but also budding acceptance that what had happened… had happened, that it couldn’t be undone. No need for vengeance burned in him.

Finally, there were only two wolves left. Nicholas and Samantha. Was Samantha planning on leaving the pack, then? She’d made no attempt to move forward as one of the betas, nor did she look at him now. Nicholas looked her way, though, licking his own nose nervously, obviously uneasy with going ahead of a higher ranked wolf. But when she still showed no inclination to step forward, Nicholas raised his body off the ground and slunk forward, his body low to the ground, tail and ears lowered submissively.

Nicholas rolled onto his back, and Kieran lowered his head to allow the omega to lick and nuzzle him. In return, he nipped lovingly at Nicholas’ temple, catching fur more than skin. “Mine,” he growled softly. Any threat in his voice was directed at those who might protest, not at Nicholas, and he knew the omega could sense that.

“Yours, pack leader,” Nicholas agreed eagerly, tilting his head back against the ground to bare his throat further. “Until the moon no longer rises in the sky, I will be yours. I will serve you and devote my life to please you. Nothing you ask of me is too great a burden; I will gladly suffer if that is your will. You hold my heart, blood and soul between your teeth, willingly given.”

Somewhere in the back of his mind, he could feel his human side reeling with shock, despite having heard words with similar meaning from the omega before – if disguised behind human sensibilities and restraint – but the reaction was distant and easily ignored. Instead he allowed his pride to shine forth, pride that Nicholas was his, that he had such a loyal and eager… mate? He allowed himself to consider it for a few moments. It made sense. Nicholas was his. He wanted to take care of the omega, wanted to please him, wanted to… yes, definitely wanted to mate with him.

Before Nicholas could start to panic from the lack of a response, Kieran put his muzzle to Nicholas’ throat, but instead of biting or even just marking with his teeth, he licked gently. “Be welcome in my pack, Nicholas,” he said, just as he had with the others. He sniffed his way across the omega’s chest and belly. “Your submission and loyalty pleases me.” He ignored Nicholas’ whimper of pleasure at both the words and the inspection. He moved further down Nicholas’ body, inhaling the honest arousal around his sheath, the deep musk of his balls. _Mine!_ his mind sang. “I will protect you and care for you. I will provide for you and guide you. More than that, I will hold you as my own and not look to another wolf for pleasure for as long as I have you by my side.” He raised his head, glanced over his surprised pack before directing his eyes to the moon. Then he looked down at Nicholas again, the omega lying so still before him that Kieran was unsure he even _could_ move. “You are mine, and I am yours, our lives entwined. Alpha and omega.” Master and submissive, his human side echoed, still not entirely comfortable with it all but unable to fight against his own wolf while he was in this shape. “Under the full moon, I claim you as my mate. Rise, Nicholas, and take your place by my side.”

It was clear Nicholas didn’t believe he deserved it, but he wasted no time obeying the order. Rolling over, he pushed himself onto his paws and stepped in close to Kieran on gangly legs that looked more at home in a juvenile than an adult. Once standing alongside him, he leaned in to lick at Kieran’s chin before backing up as soon as Kieran acknowledged his gesture. He didn’t move far, barely a tail’s length, before he stopped with his head at Kieran’s withers.

Kieran turned his attention to the one wolf remaining on the edge of the clearing. Would she come forward or would she run?

Slowly, slowly, Samantha got up. Ears and tail low, she edged forward, slightly sideways as if expecting an attack at any moment, her back hunched with anxiety. She stopped before she got within reach of Kieran, the very tip of her tail twitching nervously.

There was nothing for it. Summoning the last of his strength, Kieran stepped forward, going to meet her. If it was a ruse, an attempt to attack him, he’d deal with it, but it would be stupid of her to wait until he had everyone else on his side.

As he came closer, she crouched down again. “You said to tell you my decision,” she hedged.

“I did,” he confirmed. “You have a choice to make. You may leave now, to find another pack or live alone, but never set foot in my territory again. Or you may stay and pledge your loyalty to me again. If you do, you will be punished for your actions. It will not be easy. Staying may well be the most difficult thing to do for you, and you may wish you hadn’t.” He looked down at her, refusing to show her the least bit of weakness.

She licked her nose. She rolled her eyes up at him. She whimpered. He ignored her attempts at placating him. “I… will stay, pack leader, if you will have me.”

Kieran didn’t relax, but he did acknowledge her decision, allowed her to see that he was proud of her for that, if nothing else. Staying meant she was willing to make reparations for what she’d done. That she knew she’d done wrong.

“This is my verdict. From now until the moon has waned and waxed to full once more, you are omega to this pack. Any command given to you by a pack member, you will obey. Any insult offered, you will accept. Any insubordination will be punished. You will be offered rules and guidance.” He paused, thought about it. “You are allowed to refuse sexual favours, but you will report any such occurrence to me and abide by my decision in the matter.”

Horrified, she did her best to appease him, rolling over onto her back and curling her tail over her belly. She didn’t specify her pleading by providing a subject for it, didn’t overtly indicate whether she was begging for lenience or forgiveness for what she’d done, or even forgiveness for wanting to escape her punishment. Quite possibly, it was all three baked into one.

“Next moon, if your remorse has been true, I will accept your pledge and welcome you into your rightful place once more. Until then, I will protect you as I would an omega, provide you with stricture as I would an omega. As long as you keep to the boundaries and limits of your role, I will treat you as a member of my pack, with all that that entails.” He leaned down, but unlike with Nicholas he really did set his teeth against her skin, warning her of what might come should she break faith.

She lay still underneath his touch, barely daring to breathe. When he let up and took a step back, she rolled over onto her belly. “Thank you, pack leader,” she whimpered subserviently. “I accept your terms and will do my best to follow them.”

Kieran huffed once, accepting her promise for what it was. He turned his back on her to face the rest of his pack… and the carcass behind them that was starting to stink up the clearing. “Donna, Charlie, Caleb. Deal with that.”

He didn’t tell them that he needed to rest. He didn’t have to. Now that he knew that every wolf in the woods was his, he could afford to show weakness, could afford to show how tired and hurt he was. He thought about moving to the shade, but then decided against that. He liked it where he was. The moon was shining down on him, and moving would spend energy he didn’t _need_ to spend. He flopped down onto the ground and rested his chin on his paws as the three wolves half dragged, half carried the dead wolf deeper into the woods to find a good place to bury it.

Nicholas padded up to him, lay down next to him and started licking the wounds he could reach. His presence was soothing, especially now that the whole stupid punishment thing was over and he was able to claim the omega for his own. Had he been a cat instead of a wolf, he’d have purred as he corrected himself. Now that he wasn’t only able to, but _had_ claimed the omega for his own. His mate.

“Your mate,” Nicholas agreed, with a sense of wonder and euphoria, as if he still didn’t quite believe what had happened.

“I said I’d claim you. I keep my promises.”

Nicholas turned his attention to another of his scrapes. “I know,” he said simply, not a shred of doubt in the statement.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Not entirely sure everything turned out the way I wanted, but... I guess there it is ^^; Don't think I knew the actual outcome of that fight until I wrote it. Sure, I assumed Kieran would win, but not really anything more than that.  
> And before you ask... Yes, my wolves are restricted to only changing shapes during the full moon (three nights, the actual full moon plus the night before and after) and only while said moon is above the horizon. That may or may not change when I revise it, but for now, that's how it is. They also only have pure wolf and human forms; no man-wolf hybrids (sorry, Rhaya!) ^^;


	29. Chapter 29

_Nicholas_

 

By the time the moon set that morning, the sun was already up, shining down on thirteen bedraggled men and women as they made their way across the back yard and stumbled into the living room. Disregarding the scattered clothes on the floor, the majority of them made for the staircase leading to the first floor. Nicholas looked after them with reluctance. He didn’t want to follow them, wanted desperately to stay with Kieran. His alpha. His Master. His mate. Sweet night, Kieran had accepted him, had accepted him so completely he’d even taken Nicholas as his mate. But it didn’t matter what he wanted or not; he hadn’t earned the right to sleep in Kieran’s bed. Kieran _had_ said he could still earn it, but… after so many mistakes, Nicholas held no illusions. Still, he hesitated. Maybe, just maybe, Kieran would at least allow him to sleep on the floor in his room? He’d take it. He’d take anything Kieran was willing to give him, even if it was what humans would label abuse.

“Nicholas.” Kieran’s voice was hoarse, exhaustion clearly audible. Nicholas hurried over, automatically hunching over slightly to lower himself in the presence of a so much more dominant wolf. This close to shifting, wolf instincts were a lot closer to the surface than other times, most noticeable by the fact that Kieran didn’t even react to the gesture.

“Master?” Immediately after uttering the title, Nicholas regretted it. While his punishment technically had been over at the conclusion of the challenge, Kieran hadn’t _said_ it was over. Was he even allowed to call Kieran his master again?

“Come with me.”

Kieran staggered off toward his own room, and Nicholas followed. He wanted to offer his support, but Kieran was his alpha. He wouldn’t lean on an omega; that went against every instinct. Every instinct apart from Nicholas’ willingness to be there for his mate. Mate. He liked that word. Probably more than he should.

“Please, Master,” he whispered. Kieran hadn’t protested his previous use of the title, so he would assume it was allowed. “Please allow me to help you.”

Kieran paused, glanced back at him over his shoulder, then sighed and nodded. “Thank you.”

Cautious of Kieran’s wounds, shallow as they may be, Nicholas stepped forward and slipped in under the arm Kieran held out, allowing the alpha to take whatever support he wanted. It was a bother, being so much taller than his master, but he wasn’t the type to complain. Unfortunately, it seemed it didn’t please Kieran either, for after only a few more steps, he slid his arm off Nicholas’ shoulders. Nicholas bit back the urge to apologise profusely. He was glad he did when Kieran instead took a firm grip around his upper arm.

“That’s better,” Kieran mumbled. Nicholas relaxed a little inside. Even if his first attempt hadn’t been a good one, Kieran wasn’t upset with him.

To someone else, it might have looked as if Kieran was leading him toward the main bedroom, he supposed. To someone who didn’t feel the tight grip around Nicholas’ arm, who couldn’t feel how Kieran leaned on him, used him to keep himself upright. Nicholas didn’t mind. Far from it, he loved the fact that he was being useful, that he could help his master.

He opened the door and helped Kieran inside, focusing every sense on the alpha to intuit and interpret any indication as to where Kieran wanted to go. While the best option for Kieran would be straight to bed, he doubted Kieran would be that– He cut that thought off before it ended in something rude. Unfortunately, he hadn’t been wrong. Kieran’s steps led slowly to the leather armchair by the fireplace. He bent to maintain his support as Kieran sank down into it, then bit back his reaction to Kieran releasing his arm. Kieran couldn’t keep holding onto him, and it would be unfair to expect that or even want that. Except he did want that.

Kieran’s foot tapped on the floor. Shock washed through Nicholas for a moment, his eyes widening and his breath catching, before he scrambled to kneel in the indicated place. “Master?” he asked, eager to be of service. Too eager. Maybe he shouldn’t have spoken up? No. He discarded that thought. Kieran didn’t have any experience with the BDSM scene; he wouldn’t expect Nicholas to keep silent unless spoken to. Even if he had, he wouldn’t expect that. He’d never given any indication that he was interested in that kind of submissive. His heart twinged as he reminded himself that Kieran had never given an indication he was interested in _any_ submissive.

He didn’t look up, but he could vaguely smell Kieran’s amusement. “We have a number of things to deal with,” was all he said, however. He sounded so weary.

Nicholas’ chest tightened, but he nodded. They did. Had it been up to him, he’d have suggested waiting until after they’d slept, that he didn’t need to be in Kieran’s bed, no matter how much he wanted to. It wasn’t up to him.

“First of all… I’m guessing it’s a moot point, but is this what you want? Do you want to be mine?”

If Nicholas had thought it was hard to breathe before, it was nothing compared to now. How could Kieran even think–? No, that’s not what Kieran was thinking. He knew what the answer was, but he somehow thought he needed to ask anyway. To be certain, Nicholas supposed. That _had_ to be why he was asking. “The only thing I want more than that is to please you, Master,” he answered, willing Kieran to hear and scent his complete honesty. If Nicholas _not_ belonging to Kieran would please Kieran more, then he didn’t want it. Not badly enough. But surely Kieran _did_ want him; he wouldn’t have taken him as his mate otherwise, would he?

“Any limits?”

Nicholas didn’t look up, though he did wonder what was going through Kieran’s mind. Why was he asking about limits? What did he know about limits? Had he been doing more research? How else would he know about that? Yes, he’d watched Nicholas’ negotiation with that human sub, Derek, but that wouldn’t be enough in itself, would it? Forcing himself to stop trying to reason it all out, he shook his head in response to Kieran’s question. “No limits, Master. I’m yours.”

A few seconds of silence. “Really? None at all?”

Again, Nicholas shook his head. “My life is yours. There’s nothing you could do to me that I wouldn’t accept.”

“Even banishment?”

The world came to a screeching stop. Nicholas stared blankly at Kieran’s naked feet, his ears ringing, unable to find the words he needed to say. “Yes,” he finally managed, no other word strong enough. “Even that.” It would kill him, but he’d accept that.

“Even were I to forbid you to die?”

Nicholas shuddered, but he forced himself to nod. Anything. “Yes.” The word was barely audible, even to himself. He’d do anything to try to keep Kieran pleased enough not to do that to him, but if Kieran did banish him and order him to live through it, it would be because he’d deserved it. He knew that.

Again, silence. Nicholas waited, tried to regain his equilibrium, reassured himself that this was what he wanted – if he allowed himself to be selfish. He wanted Kieran to take control of him. Complete control.

“One last question.” Only one? If Kieran only had one more question, what did he have planned after that? “Thursday night, why did you not see fit to inform me of your safe word?” Once more Nicholas was at a loss for words, completely blind-sided. Even after he pushed aside his inability to understand why Kieran would ask him _that_ , he didn’t know what to say. There were so many answers to that question, and none of them felt like the right one. His mouth worked, but not a sound emerged. “Complete truth, omega,” Kieran added, his voice even rougher, almost a growl.

Horror swept through Nicholas as he remembered. He wasn’t supposed to hesitate or avoid answering when he was asked a question. It wasn’t a clear rule, but it was something he’d been punished for before. Now he’d forced Kieran to reiterate his question, and he deserved to be punished again for that. But first, he needed to answer. “Because I don’t need one, not with you. Because it would only have confused the issue further. Because it felt like forcing you further into it all than you wanted. Because I needed to be punished and I wanted to prove to you that I could take anything you saw fit to do to me.”

Kieran’s growl stopped him from trying to figure out more reasons. He curled up on the floor, lowering his head even further in the face of his master’s displeasure. “Irresponsible,” Kieran spat out, the tone cutting into Nicholas far deeper than a whip. “What if I had done something wrong?” He didn’t pause long enough for Nicholas to protest that Kieran could do nothing wrong. “What if I’d miscalculated? Hit you hard enough to cause serious injury? Internal damage?” Nicholas wanted to speak up, wanted to say that Kieran could do that if he wanted to, that he would gladly take that for him, but Kieran wasn’t done. “Not because I wanted to, but because I wasn’t experienced or skilled enough to know what I was doing wrong.”

Hands gripped his shoulders, pulled upwards. Kieran. There was pain in his scent, and Nicholas hurriedly straightened his back once he realised that Kieran was causing himself pain to stop Nicholas from cowering. He should have just said something. Nicholas would have obeyed. Kieran’s hands vanished from his skin, before a finger pressed his chin up, tilting his head back until he was forced to close his eyes to keep from meeting Kieran’s eyes.

“Look at me,” Kieran said, his voice soft and soothing. He waited until Nicholas did as he was told before continuing, “I would have stopped if you’d said ‘stop’, if you’d begged. But you had no intention of doing that, did you?”

Nicholas swallowed, but he had to give Kieran the truth. “I didn’t, no, Master.”

“That will never happen again.” Kieran’s tone brooked no argument. “Since you declined to tell me your safe word, I’m giving you one. Kieran. Just like with the pack discipline. Say my name, and I will stop what I’m doing and make sure you’re well. Is it a punishment, it means taking a break until you’re ready to continue. Is it not, it means we stop. You are _required_ to use it when you’re in distress, or when you think there might be risk of actual injury and I haven’t made clear that’s the intent.” He stared into Nicholas’ eyes, his gaze seeming to burrow itself inside Nicholas’ soul. “Do you understand?”

Nicholas shivered. “I do, Master,” he whispered. He’d be good.

Abruptly, Kieran’s hand retreated, and Nicholas almost lost his balance. He lowered his eyes again, assuming that’s what Kieran meant by letting him go.

“Stand.” Nicholas obeyed, trying not to wince as his eyes fell on a deeper gash along Kieran’s thigh. “Fetch the notepad off my desk.”

Nicholas had never hated the notepad more than he did as he directed heavy steps toward Kieran’s office nook. Looking far too innocent for what it contained and what it meant, it lay where Kieran had probably just left it in his urge to get naked and outside. The clothes on the floor spoke rather eloquently of his hurry. Next to the notepad lay the biro Kieran had used for correcting his school papers. It must have rolled away from the stack of essays still sitting to one side on the desk, probably with some help from a moon-eager werewolf. It was a wonder the stack wasn’t spread all over the floor, he supposed.

Grabbing the notepad, he clutched it in both hands as he hurried back, going to his knees in front of Kieran again and offering up the proof of how unworthy he was of being allowed into his master’s bed. Kieran didn’t take it.

“Open it.”

Confused, and not too keen on once more reading how bad he’d been, Nicholas lowered the notepad again and opened it up to the first page. And there it was, with no way of avoiding it.

_I caused myself pain by pressing my behind down into the mattress. I missed your touch and wanted to feel it again, wanted to remember how it felt. I stopped once I realised what I was doing but that doesn’t erase what I did._ 


He couldn’t stop himself from read the first paragraph, the first sin, on the page. Then he frowned. Next to the paragraph, in the margin, sat the number one. He blinked, then scanned the page. All of them had a number next to them. He flipped to the next page. More numbers. All until the last entry. Most of them had a one by them, but a few were different. The one about discussing his old pack with Jeremy, for one. It had a five. The one about using too much hot water had a two. The tally for how many times he’d missed the point of his reflection – a total count of twenty-one – had a whole maths problem in the margin. Twenty-one divided by three equals seven, he read. The very last entry, about going into Samantha’s room and mouthing off to her, also had a maths problem, though this time five minus three. At the bottom of that page was what Nicholas assumed was the sum of all the numbers. Fifty-six.

He swallowed. “Master?” he asked, not entirely sure that Kieran meant what the numbers ought to mean.

“I said you’d be allowed to earn your place in my bed,” Kieran said calmly. It was obvious he was trying to hide his weariness without much success. “That’s the price.”

Fifty-six. Fifty-six what? Surely Kieran wasn’t talking about… Was he?

“Yes,” Kieran said, as if he’d been talking out loud. “Fifty-six stripes, strokes, lashes, whatever you want to call them. You can choose not to take them, and forego staying in my room, or–”

“I’ll take them,” Nicholas blurted out, then cowered down when he realised he’d interrupted Kieran. “Sorry, Master,” he whispered, squeezing his eyes shut and hoping he hadn’t just fucked everything up and ruined his one chance.

“Fifty-seven,” Kieran simply said, then went on as if Nicholas hadn’t spoken. “Or you can take your punishment tomorrow and we’ll count your behaviour this week good enough. Which will it be?”

He hadn’t. He hadn’t screwed it up. He’d increased the tally, but not by that much. “To- tomorrow, Master?”

Kieran huffed, too tired to even chuckle. “Of course. Would I do it now, you’d barely feel it. Fifty-eight. You didn’t answer the question.”

Nicholas shivered in a mixture of fear, guilt and delight. “Fifty-eight, yes, Master. I’ll take them.” He’d take anything, especially if it meant he didn’t have to trudge up to his own room this morning. And if he was honest – which he had orders to be, even if they only applied to things he said to Kieran – he rather liked the ruthless way Kieran had slowly but steadily upped the number. It was foolish of him to think that way, but it gave him hope that maybe, just maybe, Kieran… What? Kieran, what? Nicholas didn’t really know, not with all the mixed messages the alpha had been sending him lately. Disgust at what Nicholas had been doing at Devotion, delicious aggression in almost claiming him there and then, distancing himself whenever they were around others, quickly hidden relief every time he came home and Nicholas kept his own distance, the no-nonsense mating tonight, the unnecessary asking if it really was what Nicholas wanted… Every time he thought he knew what Kieran wanted, he turned around and did the opposite from what Nicholas had expected.

“Good. On your feet, then.” As soon as he was obeyed, Kieran held out an arm to Nicholas in an obvious request, and Nicholas helped him out of the chair. “Leave the notepad here.”

Nicholas dropped the notepad onto the seat of the chair and then led Kieran to bed. They were both dirty after spending the night in the woods, but neither of them had the energy for a shower right now, especially not Kieran. He would simply have to fix it when they woke up, Nicholas decided, letting go of Kieran for a few moments in order to fold back the covers. Kieran didn’t so much crawl into bed as fall into it, and Nicholas tucked him in before cautiously crawling in after him, ready to back away in an instant if Kieran showed any signs of displeasure.

“Nicholas, what did I just tell you?” Kieran sighed.

Nicholas froze, trying to figure out just what Kieran was referring to. “Uh… To leave the–”

“No. Before that. The consequence of accepting the punishment?”

Consequence…? “Oh.” Nicholas eyes widened briefly when he realised what Kieran was talking about. “Take the fifty-eight tomorrow, and my behaviour will be considered good enough, Master.”

Kieran grunted. “Do you want me to make it fifty-nine?”

A second passed as Nicholas tried to make sense of the question. “If- if you think it necessary, Master,” he stammered. “I don’t…”

“Unless you interpret ‘good enough’ as ‘not welcome’, I would prefer not to have to wait half an hour for you to settle down.”

Finally, Nicholas knew what he’d done wrong. “Forgive me, Master,” he whispered, scooting in under the covers and a little less cautiously moving closer. Whether because he was tired of having to wait, or to prove a point, or simply because he _could_ , Kieran wrapped an arm around his torso and pulled him in.

“Only if you shut up and let me sleep,” Kieran mumbled, his eyes already more than halfway closed.

Nicholas decided an answer to that wasn’t necessary. Instead he lay there, taking his chance to really _look_ at Kieran as the alpha’s eyes closed completely and his breathing evened out. His mate. He hadn’t been claimed the way he’d thought he’d be, but this… This was so much better. Nicholas belonged to Kieran now in a way he’d never even _hoped_ he would. His vision blurred as he realised there would be no mate to force Kieran to set Nicholas aside, there would be no need to pretend not to want Kieran, there would be no time limit set on how long he’d be Kieran’s. As long as Nicholas managed to keep Kieran pleased with him, Kieran would have no reason to repudiate him. As long as he managed to learn what Kieran wanted him to be, he’d be safe.

“Thank you, Master,” he breathed, but words simply couldn’t express the gratitude he felt. Kieran had given him more than he’d ever expected, more than he could ever have hoped for, and there simply was no way Nicholas would ever be able to thank him enough for that.

Closing his eyes, he allowed the weight of Kieran’s limp arm over his ribcage to soothe him, steady him. He’d pay the price for sleeping next to Kieran tomorrow, but it was a price he’d gladly pay twice over.

 

*          *          *

 

For a moment, Nicholas didn’t know where he was when he woke up. Then Kieran’s scent enveloped him and he knew who the warm body behind him was. And whose erection was pressing in against his arse, slowly sliding up and down through the crack between his buttocks. It wasn’t much of a movement – each thrust was just a centimetre or three long – but it was definitely enough to indicate his alpha’s desire. Moaning with instant arousal and need, he arched his back, pressing his arse closer to Kieran in a wordless invitation.

“Good morning, pup,” Kieran murmured close to his ear, hot breath wafting against him, smelling so strongly of Kieran that it had Nicholas trembling with his need.

“Good morning, Master,” he responded, because it would have been rude not to, then gasped as Kieran’s cock slid against him again, this time teasing his hole thanks to the new angle. “Please, Master, allow me to pleasure you,” he begged, desperate to do anything to please his pack leader, master and mate.

“Don’t want to hurt you,” Kieran argued, his voice still slightly hoarse. At least this time it was from not having woken up completely, rather than from being utterly exhausted.

Nicholas desperately wanted to deny that it would hurt, but he knew better. It’d been months since he’d been penetrated, and Kieran wasn’t exactly the smallest guy he’d been with. Without lube… It would hurt. It wasn’t really that big a deal for him, but what if the extra friction was uncomfortable for _Kieran_? “You… wouldn’t hurt my mouth,” he whispered, his mouth watering at the thought of being allowed to taste Kieran.

Kieran appeared to be thinking about it, still slowly thrusting up against Nicholas’ body, the short movement teasing and taunting him with what he wasn’t allowed to have. Nicholas wanted Kieran to take him; at that moment, there was nothing he could think of that he wanted more. If, that is, he was being selfish and only considered his own wants. No, it wasn’t that he wanted Kieran to take him. It was that he wanted Kieran to _want_ to take him.

The arm wrapt around his upper body abruptly lifted and pulled away. Momentary panic rose up – had Kieran changed his mind? Was he upset? But no. Kieran rolled over onto his back, flipped the covers down to bare them down to the thighs. It wasn’t a refusal to touch Nicholas. It was an invitation to do what Nicholas had suggested.

Nicholas didn’t waste any time to get up on all fours and turn around to face Kieran’s hard-on. Then he _did_ waste some time, taking a few seconds to just breathe in Kieran’s scent, letting it worm its way into his mind. A whimper of pleasure slipped from him, and he didn’t try to take it back. He _wanted_ Kieran to know how his scent affected his omega, _wanted_ Kieran to see how badly he needed to please his master, how badly he needed to be owned.

“Go ahead,” Kieran whispered, his scent confirming the permission.

“Thank you, Master,” Nicholas answered, almost as quietly, and slowly leaned in toward his prize.

Up close, the scent was even more intoxicating. He buried his nose in the curls at its root for a moment or two, a shiver making its way down his spine at how Kieran’s dominance was so present in his scent even there. One more second, and then he mentally shook himself. Pleasant as it might be, this wasn’t what Kieran was expecting from him. Pressing a light kiss to the base of Kieran’s shaft, he then gently licked along its length. He didn’t bother to hold back his own moans and whimpers of contentment, fully willing to admit how much he enjoyed pleasing Kieran. And Kieran was pleased, he could tell. Not only did the alpha’s scent reveal as much, but when Nicholas reached the tip of Kieran’s cock, the slit was filled with delicious, salty fluid. He greedily licked it up, but teasing the bundle of nerves at the base of the glans caused it to well up once more, even as the arousal in Kieran’s scent deepened further.

Tearing himself from that temptation, he worked his way down the shaft again, ducking his head nearly down between Kieran’s legs to lap at his balls, closing his eyes to better focus on scent and taste. When Kieran spread his legs slightly to give him more room to work, he smoothly moved in between those strong thighs and bent down to take Kieran’s testicles into his mouth, one at a time. He played with them, ran his tongue all around them, threw himself fully into his near-worship, allowing himself to be guided by Kieran’s scent and the changes in his breathing. The moment Kieran’s interest in his actions seemed to wane even a little, he moved back to the shaft, once more licking his way up, even mouthing at it a little, nibbling without teeth. He wasn’t sure how Kieran would react to the touch of teeth yet, and he wanted the first time to be as perfect as possible.

Sensing that Kieran had had enough of teasing, he didn’t stick to just licking and kissing. Briefly licking his lips, he opened his mouth and wrapped his lips around Kieran’s cock. Just the head at first, to judge Kieran’s reactions. Yes, this was the right thing to do. Slowly he dipped his head further, taking more and more of the shaft in. It’d been almost half a year since he’d last given someone a blowjob, but he’d had years before that to practice, and it wasn’t that difficult to recall how to relax his throat and let Kieran’s cock slide as deep inside as it could go, until his lips were once more buried in the curls around the base.

Kieran’s hitched breath was like music to his ears, and he would have whimpered if he hadn’t had his mouth full. As it was, only a muffled moan emerged, but Kieran didn’t seem to mind. Quite the opposite; Nicholas could feel the muscles of Kieran’s thighs and belly tremble with the effort to remain still. He dared a quick glance up along his master’s body, to find Kieran staring down at him, the heat of his silver gaze searing into Nicholas’ very soul. Shivering, he let his eyes fall shut again to focus on Kieran’s pleasure, fighting against his need to breathe as he bobbed his head up and down in short strokes, never allowing more than two or three centimetres to escape his lips, caressing the shaft inside his mouth with his tongue.

Unfortunately he couldn’t hold his breath forever, and he was soon forced to back off until only the head was left, gasping for air around it, focusing on using his tongue instead. Once he had his breathing back under control, he swallowed all of it down again. Kieran’s sac was tightening up against his body, the need in his scent getting close to that point of no return. He hesitated. Did Kieran _want_ to come now, or would he like it better if Nicholas backed off a little to let him calm down? He mentally shook his head. If Kieran wanted him to back off, he’d say something, wouldn’t he? Wouldn’t he?

He pulled back to breathe as he worked the problem around and around in his brain, trying to figure out what Kieran would prefer. Whimpering softly, he dared another glance upwards. Kieran was still looking at him. As Nicholas met his gaze, he slowly nodded. What was he saying yes to? Nicholas stopping? Nicholas continuing? Or… Nicholas doing what he thought best? Or was he merely trying to say that yes, should he want Nicholas to do something different, he’d say so? Chancing his arm on that meaning, he nodded back ever so slightly before closing his eyes again and focusing on Kieran’s pleasure, even reaching up with one hand to gently caress his balls while he once more buried Kieran’s cock down his throat.

Kieran’s orgasm almost took him by surprise, despite being so tuned in to his alpha’s scent and physical reactions. The first spurt was sent directly down his throat, far too deep for Nicholas to taste. He quickly pulled back, needing to taste it, needing to feel it in his mouth. He moaned his own pleasure, hoping Kieran understood what a reward this was, to be allowed to please his master, to be allowed this intimate taste of his mate’s essence. He was almost reluctant to swallow Kieran’s semen down, knowing his orgasm wouldn’t last forever. He was even more unwilling to let Kieran’s cock out of his mouth, choosing to stay there with the gradually softening shaft between his lips, his tongue gently laving at the sensitive skin, cleaning it up as best as he could without letting it go. Not until Kieran’s hands touched his shoulders, gently pressing him upwards, did he let go, carefully relinquishing his treat before crawling back up to lie against Kieran’s side.

He was still hard himself, but at that moment his erection wasn’t important. He’d willingly never come again if that was what Kieran wanted, as long as he’d be allowed to give Kieran the pleasure he deserved. “Thank you, Master,” he whispered again, pressing a kiss to Kieran’s chest.

Kieran’s flesh jumped beneath his touch as the alpha chuckled. “You’re very welcome, my mate,” he responded, and Nicholas nearly swooned with pleasure at hearing those words out loud.

“Yours,” he agreed breathlessly.

“Do you want something in return?” Kieran asked then, but it wasn’t until Kieran’s hand brushed across his crotch that Nicholas understood what he’d meant.

“Only if you want, Master,” Nicholas assured him. “Not for my sake.” Kieran’s scent soured slightly, and he hurried to explain, “I don’t need anything other than to please you, Master.” It didn’t ease Kieran’s mood. Taking a deep breath, he dared one more explanation. “I’m serious, Master. Pleasing you, making you happy, it…” He swallowed, but forged on. “It satisfies me more than anything. Yes, orgasms feel good, but was I to choose between making you perfectly happy for one single day, and coming whenever I wanted for the rest of my life, I’d always choose the first.”

Kieran’s scent was better, but still not pleased. Nicholas wanted to cry. He shouldn’t have said anything. He should have just accepted Kieran’s offer. He had orders to be honest, but obviously Kieran didn’t want his honesty. Not in this case. He’d been fooling himself this morning, thinking Kieran wanted Nicholas’ submission. A little bit of it, maybe, but he didn’t like the part of Nicholas that simply existed to please his master. That much was becoming more and more obvious.

“And if you didn’t have to choose? Could you have both, wouldn’t that be better?”

Nicholas closed his eyes and buried his face against Kieran’s side. “I don’t know what to answer, Master,” he mumbled, unable to remain silent but still not sure whether honesty that Kieran didn’t want was better than lies that Kieran had forbidden. He’d learn, he promised himself. Somehow, he’d figure out the precise line Kieran was drawing, and never cross it.

“I’m sorry, pup,” Kieran murmured, though Nicholas wasn’t entirely sure why he was apologising. He felt lips press against the top of his head. “I ruined the moment, didn’t I?”

Nicholas jerked, almost knocking his head into Kieran’s lips but managing to control himself just in time. “No, Master,” he said urgently, doing his best to hold back his panic. “You didn’t.” He’d been the one to ruin it, by not thinking before answering, by insisting on explaining. “I’ll do better,” he added in a quiet whisper, more a reminder to himself than a promise to Kieran. Yes, he’d learn to become the omega Kieran wanted, no matter how many things about himself he needed to change.

“Shush,” Kieran said, and that was a clear order Nicholas knew how to follow. He remembered the rules. He pressed an apologetic kiss to Kieran’s ribs instead of saying anything. “We’ll talk about this when you get home. For now, we both need a shower.”

When he got home? Nicholas wasn’t allowed… Oh. It was Thursday, and he wasn’t confined to the house anymore. He winced. And he’d completely forgotten to ask Kieran about getting a doctor’s certificate for work. No matter. It was too late for that now, and even if the worst came to pass and Jones in HR got in his face over it, he was unlikely to lose his job over it. “Yes, Master,” he said quietly, assuming the order to be quiet had passed now with the change of subject. “Would you like me to wash you?”

He could sense Kieran looking at him. “That won’t be necessary,” came the answer a few seconds later, a faint tinge of humour to it. “Go ahead.”

Part of him didn’t want to shower. He’d had enough of it this past week, shower after shower, all to wash off Kieran’s scent. But an order was an order. He slid off the bed without complaint and headed for the door. When Kieran cleared his throat pointedly, however, he froze. Had he forgotten something? Had he been rude in some way?

“Where do you think you’re going?”

Confused, he turned around. “You said to shower, Master.” Hadn’t he? Or had Nicholas misunderstood what Kieran had meant?

Kieran raised his eyebrows and pointed to the door leading into his en-suite. “Anything wrong with the shower in there?”

Nicholas blinked. “It’s yours, Master.”

Kieran neither looked nor smelled impressed with Nicholas' answer. “So are you, pup. Get used to it.”

Put that way, it seemed obvious. Kieran may not be interested in BDSM, but that didn’t mean he wouldn’t be possessive of his mate, at least for a while. Now that Nicholas belonged to Kieran, he wasn’t supposed to shower with the other wolves, and the guest bathroom was just that. For guests. And prisoners, of course. Nicholas was neither. “I will, Master,” he promised, and redirected his steps toward Kieran’s opulent bathroom.


	30. Chapter 30

_Kieran_

 

Kieran watched Nicholas vanish into the bathroom before he collapsed back into the bed with a carefully stifled groan. Part of him had no problem with what Nicholas had just told him, perfectly willing to accept that Nicholas’ pleasure was secondary to his own. He wasn’t sure he liked that part of himself, not when the rest of him wasn’t entirely comfortable with the fact that he’d had one of the best blowjobs of his life – and he certainly didn’t want to consider why Nicholas had no gag reflex – and Nicholas hadn’t expected anything in return. Had, in fact, made it obvious both during and after that he thought _he_ had been the one who’d gotten what he wanted.

He hadn’t expected to take Nicholas as his mate last night, but now that they were mated, he wanted to make sure Nicholas never regretted it. Of course, that part of him that didn’t mind Nicholas’ obvious submission reminded him, the omega wasn’t likely to regret it. Not when he’d already belonged to Kieran for four months without getting a single benefit from it, without making even one complaint. Kieran hadn’t even known.

Was that what Nicholas expected from him? To continue as he had, with no thought or consideration for what Nicholas wanted out of it? The thought brought an acrid taste to his mouth. It didn’t get any better when he realised that part of him… wanted to do just that. Wanted to ignore that Nicholas needed a firmer hand than he’d ever shown, that Nicholas needed him to step up and… be a Dom. Obviously, that part was very much at odds with the side of him that enjoyed seeing Nicholas on his knees, that felt the thrill whenever Nicholas called him Master.

Huh. No quotation marks around that in his mind anymore. He rather hoped they wouldn’t return in a few days when the moon had waned enough to not influence him any longer.

The toilet flushed. Over the rush of water, he could hear how the glass door to the shower slid open, and a few seconds after that he could hear water streaming down on tiles. He listened as Nicholas stepped in under the shower, waited for the door to close again. It didn’t. Frowning, he pondered that for a few seconds. Then he got out of bed and padded over, his curiosity getting the better of him. Good thing he was lupine and not feline, or he’d have started to worry about his health.

His body still ached with every movement, but it was a lot better than it had been last night. Even so, he was glad he had no classes today. It was very tempting to call in sick tomorrow, but he needed to hand out the graded essays. Which was what he’d have to work on while Nicholas was at work.

Quietly he pulled the bathroom door open, slipping inside. His breath caught as he stared at the very wet vision before him. Nicholas was standing with his back towards Kieran, his head under the showerhead, his hair slicked against his shoulders and back, the red tones in it dulled to a deep brown. He appeared not to have noticed Kieran standing there, something the alpha took advantage of as he stared at his mate. Nicholas was washing himself with almost brisk efficiency, scrubbing at his skin as if annoyed with the dirt on it.

No. That wasn’t it. Even with the flowing water camouflaging his scent, it was obvious. The stiffness in Nicholas’ back, the rough movements… He wasn’t annoyed. He was upset. Kieran’s mind flashed back to those times this past week when he’d reminded Nicholas not to forget to wash off Kieran’s scent, Nicholas’ intense gratitude those few times when Kieran had allowed him to wait even just half an hour… And now he’d done it again. Told Nicholas to go shower, when Nicholas had already made it clear he thought he’d done something wrong.

He closed his eyes for a few seconds, trying to imagine the last ten minutes from Nicholas’ perspective. Kieran had wanted to give Nicholas pleasure in return, but… he hadn’t said that, had he? Instead he’d asked if Nicholas expected it, if _Nicholas_ wanted it. He hadn’t liked Nicholas’ answer, not all of him at least, and Nicholas’ desperation to explain meant that the omega had been well aware of his dislike. Had done his best to please.

 _I don’t know what to answer, Master._ Nicholas’ words echoed back to him, and in hindsight it seemed obvious why. Kieran hadn’t liked any of his previous answers regarding it. Had he been scared that whatever answer he’d given, it wouldn’t be the one Kieran wanted? Probably. And from Nicholas’ point of view, Kieran had punished him by forcing him to clean off his master’s scent.

Fuck. He’d made a hames of it again, hadn’t he? There was nothing to it; he’d need to make things better. He knew Nicholas’ schedule for the rest of the week, had made a point of memorising it. There was still another hour until Nicholas had to go. If he gave the omega a ride there, it’d give them another twenty minutes or so; enough for Nicholas to have time to eat something as well. Nodding to himself, he opened his eyes. Only to hear the omega gasp and drop the bottle of shampoo he’d held in his hand. Nicholas, obviously having turned around to grab the bottle, had equally obviously spotted him and now stood staring at him. A second later, he seemed to realise what he was doing and averted his eyes to look down at the floor.

“Master?” His voice was unsure, worried.

Kieran smiled, forcing his doubts away. The least he could do was to send Nicholas off happy, secure in his knowledge that Kieran wanted him and appreciated him. “Just enjoying the view,” he said. “Do go on.”

For a moment, Nicholas’ disappointment was obvious. Then he seemed to steel himself against it as he bent down to pick the bottle up again. As he poured out a liberal amount in his hand and put the bottle back onto its shelf, he seemed to relax a little. What scent Kieran could catch suggested Nicholas was thinking something along the lines of Kieran enjoying the view obviously meaning that Nicholas showering was a good thing. It was quite possible Nicholas was reminding himself of that.

Crossing the room, Kieran stepped inside the cubicle and reached up to help spread the shampoo throughout the omega’s hair. The moment Nicholas realised what he was doing, he dropped his own hands and allowed Kieran free rein. Leaning in, Kieran pressed a soft kiss to Nicholas’ left shoulder.

“The punishment ended the moment James was down, pup,” he reminded Nicholas. “Once you’ve washed the dirt and wolf hairs off your body, I will make sure everyone knows you belong to me.” At those words, Nicholas staggered and moaned, and Kieran almost lost his balance trying to keep Nicholas from slipping. “Well,” he amended. “Those who aren’t nose-blind, at least.”

“Thank you, Master,” Nicholas whispered, the words almost lost in the steady rush of water. “I know I don’t deserve–”

“Hush.” Nicholas immediately cut himself off. “You’re my mate. My omega. My… what did you call it? Submissive.” As if Kieran had forgotten that word. There was another moan from Nicholas. “Did you really think I’d let you leave my room without making sure you were marked with my scent?”

Nicholas hung his head. He didn’t say anything, but it was obvious what the answer was. Kieran waited, but no answer was forthcoming.

“Nicholas?”

Alarm spiked through Nicholas’ scent. “I’m sorry, Master, I was– You said not to– It was the same subject.”

No, it wasn’t. Was it? Kieran thought about it. Ah, of course. Because the honest answer would have been that Nicholas didn’t think he’d deserved to be marked. He could have lied, could have said that of course he hadn’t thought that. The lie would have been obvious, and Kieran distinctly remembered telling Nicholas that questions were to be answered honestly. “Good omega,” he murmured. The praise seemed to take Nicholas aback, so he clarified, “You didn’t lie to me.”

Nicholas was quiet for a long time while Kieran finished with his hair. Then, just as Kieran drew breath to tell Nicholas to rinse it out, he spoke up. “Even… Even should the answer be one you don’t like, Master?”

The question seemed disjointed, like there had been a whole conversation inside Nicholas’ head that Kieran hadn’t been privy to. It took Kieran a second or two to figure out what Nicholas meant. “Yes,” he said then. “Even when I’m not comfortable with the answer, I prefer the truth to lies. Rinse.”

Nicholas obeyed, but he was obviously thinking deeply about something. Kieran picked up the conditioner while he waited, even if he wasn’t entirely sure whether he waited for the showering or the thinking part of it. By the time Nicholas’ hair was a tangled wet mess, and he almost reluctantly stepped out of the spray, he was still silent. Was he still thinking, or was he operating under the assumption that he’d done or said something wrong somewhere? It could, of course, be possible Nicholas was just more comfortable with not talking, but it didn’t _feel_ like a comfortable silence.

Kieran occupied himself with rubbing the conditioner into Nicholas’ hair as well, something he wouldn’t have thought he’d enjoy as much as he did. If Nicholas minded him doing it, he didn’t say anything about it. But about halfway through, the tension in Nicholas’ body changed. It wasn’t anything Kieran could put a finger on, but he’d wager almost anything that Nicholas wasn’t so much thinking anymore as trying to keep from Kieran that he was done. That he’d come to some conclusion he thought Kieran wouldn’t want to know. He stilled his hands, which made Nicholas tense just a little bit more. “Honesty,” he said gently, reminding his omega what he wanted.

Nicholas swallowed. “Will… Will you tell me what you expect from me, Master?”

“Of course,” Kieran responded, somewhat surprised that was all. Why wouldn’t he? He’d promised to give Nicholas the guidance the omega needed. While he knew, intellectually, that a lot of his newfound acceptance for Nicholas’… situation, for lack of a better word, was thanks to the moon’s influence, he’d meant what he’d promised. When he wanted Nicholas to do something, he’d say so. “Rinse.” The silky smoothness of Nicholas’ hair as he washed it was such a contrast to the mess it had been prior to the conditioner. Kieran felt almost hypnotised as he stared at it as it swayed this way and that under Nicholas’ hands, the water always forcing it back to hanging heavy and straight no matter how much Nicholas massaged and tousled it.

“Thank you, Master,” Nicholas said softly once he was done. If Kieran had harboured hopes he was being thanked for the washing, Nicholas quickly killed those hopes off. “I wish to become what you want, but I can’t do that when I amn’t sure what you want from me.”

Oh hell. Surely Nicholas didn’t mean what it sounded like he meant? There was a sinking feeling in his stomach that Nicholas’ previous question might not have been asking about being given clear orders. That instead of asking, ‘Will you tell me when you want me to go down on you or take out the rubbish?’ the omega had actually asked something closer to, ‘Will you tell me what kind of person I need to be to be liked?’ He sighed, and Nicholas immediately stiffened, worry seeping into his scent. Kieran almost cursed, but held it back. He didn’t have the energy to deal with this right now, nor did Nicholas have the time to. As it was, he’d have to shower after Nicholas had left.

Actions always spoke louder than words. Instead of saying anything, Kieran grabbed Nicholas’ shoulders and forced him around, moved in closer to push the omega against the wall. Nicholas sagged a little in his grip; he wasn’t fighting it or trying to slip away, just accepting that his alpha could hold him up if he wanted to. Raising himself onto his toes, he pressed his entire body up against Nicholas, slipping in one hand behind the right now obnoxiously tall man’s head to tilt it down enough to be able to comfortably claim his lips in a hungry kiss.

Nicholas whimpered, relaxing to allow Kieran’s tongue into his mouth, very gently licking at it and even suckling it whenever Kieran pulled back a little to breathe. He could feel Nicholas’ erection against his belly, his own cock finally waking up again to join it, making his interest clear.

After a few minutes, he pulled back just enough to speak, their lips a mere hairsbreadth apart. “You. Are. Mine,” he said hoarsely but firmly, still slightly out of breath. He waited until he was sure Nicholas had heard him and managed to translate the sounds into words. “Had I not wanted you, I wouldn’t have claimed you. Had I not liked you calling me Master, I wouldn’t allow it. Had I not recognised your need to be controlled, I wouldn’t have promised to see to that need.” He nipped lightly at Nicholas’ lower lip. “Did I not enjoy your submission, your willingness to be mine in all things, I would not have said it pleased me.”

Nicholas swallowed, but didn’t say anything. His eyes were closed, his breathing shallow. He was both terrified and aroused in almost equal amounts.

“What I expect from you,” Kieran went on, “is your honesty. I don’t want you second-guessing me, or doing what you _think_ I would prefer. When I ask you something, or when you come to think of something, I want you to tell me the truth, no matter how you think I might react to it.” If Kieran didn’t know what Nicholas _really_ wanted, how could he even begin to learn how to make Nicholas happy?

He took a step back, only keeping his hands on Nicholas’ body until he was sure his mate wouldn’t collapse to the floor. Nicholas bit his lower lip in almost the exact same place Kieran had, holding his breath. Holding himself back. Probably telling himself an omega wasn’t supposed to beg his alpha to stay if said alpha didn’t want to. “But right now,” Kieran said, letting their combined arousal fill him up until he felt like he could barely shape the words, “I _expect_ you to finish your shower and then I _expect_ you to be in my bed less than five minutes from now so I can fuck you.” He grinned as Nicholas failed to control himself any longer, his legs nearly buckling and a mewling cry escaping from his throat. The sound, while wordless, clearly said, ‘Oh God, yes. Please, yes.’ It was backed up by a surge of desire in his scent.

He left the cubicle and reached for a towel. Drying himself off, he listened, but couldn’t hear Nicholas even move. “I suggest not being late,” he said pointedly, barely holding back a laugh as Nicholas scrambled to obey. It almost sounded as if he was trying to demolish the shower, dropping bottles and stumbling into walls. It was a good thing toiletries didn’t come in glass bottles, at least not the ones werewolves used.

Hanging the towel over the edge of the opulent bath tub, he returned to his bed to wait. He almost got back in it when he saw the state of the sheet. No. That wouldn’t do. Instead he spread the duvet out to cover as much of the bed as possible. The underside of it might be in as bad a state as the sheet had, but the top was still good. Once more, he stopped himself from getting into bed in order to reach over and open the drawer in the closest bedside table. He’d need to get a new bottle of lube soon; this one was still half full, but since he wasn’t going to use it mostly for masturbating from now on, it probably wouldn’t last long.

The shower rattled open, there on the other side of the door to the bathroom. He waited where he stood, feeling frozen in place, unsure of whether he should keep standing or sit down. He almost laughed at himself. Jittery as a virgin on his wedding night. It was ridiculous, really. While it technically _could_ be seen as their wedding night, neither of them was a virgin. There was nothing to worry about. Nothing at all. Especially not that Nicholas would compare him to his previous… men, and find him lacking. Right.

What did Nicholas want from him? Would he prefer rough or gentle? Could Kieran do rough? Nicholas wasn’t a human lover; Kieran wouldn’t need to hold back the way he had with them. But even so, would it be rough enough? How could Kieran ask Nicholas what he wanted without getting some drivel about Nicholas wanting anything that Kieran wanted? How did you ask a submissive what he wanted?

The door opened, revealing Nicholas standing in the doorway. He was naked, having left the towel behind. The sight of him, his slender yet very male body, his erection jutting out proudly… Kieran couldn’t tear his eyes away. He’d seen Nicholas naked so many times before and barely thought about it, but now it was as if he saw him for the first time. He drank in the sight, shivered as he inhaled the need and arousal that stood like a cloud around the omega.

His. Nicholas was his.

Nicholas unfortunately didn’t waste any time. Padding quickly and quietly across the room, he barely paused as he stepped past Kieran. Just a quick glance up and then down again, before he was at the edge of the bed. He crawled up on it, lay himself face down in its centre, spread his legs in invitation.

No.

No, Kieran couldn’t do it like that. He knew Nicholas didn’t see it like that – it would have been impossible to disregard the desire in his scent – but that position… No. Despite knowing better, it just made Kieran feel as if Nicholas saw sex as something to be endured, just another thing to submit to.

Kieran opened his mouth to say something. Nothing came out. He tried again. Again ended up with silence. He thought about what he wanted to say, what he needed to say to make Nicholas understand. He looked down at Nicholas. The omega lay still, waiting patiently. Kieran drew breath once more to speak, and this time words emerged. “Since you’ve accepted a male alpha, I assume that you have no issues with penetration.” The first half was different, but the second was word for word what Nicholas had asked that human sub. _That_ was how you asked a submissive what he wanted. Negotiation. By using words that Nicholas himself had used, maybe it would make his omega understand what Kieran was after?

Nicholas remained still, but there was a tension in his body that hadn’t been there before. Kieran slowly counted the seconds, telling himself he’d give Nicholas fifteen seconds to answer. He got to nine.

“Absolutely none at all, Master,” Nicholas whispered then, the same answer that human had given. Thankfully, he deviated from the script after that, or Kieran might have worried Nicholas was merely copying someone else’s preferences. “Please, Master, allow me to serve you.” He spread his legs even further, as if he thought Kieran hadn’t understood the gesture before.

“How do you wish to serve me? In what manner?” He tried to summon up all his patience and wait, praying that Nicholas would actually give him an answer he could use. His patience failed him, prompted him to add a clarification right away. “What is it that _you_ want? What is it that _you_ need?”

Nicholas whimpered into the mattress, but he only hesitated for a few heartbeats after that before speaking up. “You, Master. I need you inside of me, need you to claim me. Need your scent on me.” He hesitated, clearly not entirely comfortable with the subject, but continued without needing further reminders from Kieran. “Need you to show me how you want it.” And there it was. Kieran almost sighed.

“Why?” he asked instead, making sure to keep his tone gentle and his annoyance out of his scent. “Why is it so difficult to tell me what you’d prefer?” They didn’t have _time_ for this discussion now.

He was silent for longer this time. Kieran forced himself to wait, once more counting the seconds in his head. Four, this time. “Because you always get upset when I do, Master,” Nicholas finally said, his voice barely audible. “It’s not… I’m not just _saying_ that I want anything you give me. I mean it. And in this case, it’s… being allowed to see how _you_ like it would… I’d like that. Slow or fast, hard or soft… it truly doesn’t… They’re all equally…” He trailed off into silence.

“Equally?” Kieran asked a long ten seconds later when Nicholas still hadn’t finished the sentence.

Nicholas drew a shuddering breath. “Equally perfect, Master,” he sighed.

Heat rushed down Kieran’s body to curl up low in his belly. Slowly, he set his knees to the bed, feeling it dip beneath him as he moved closer to his omega. “Mine,” he whispered, reaching out to trail his fingers down Nicholas’ back.

“Yours, Master,” Nicholas echoed, trembling just a tiny bit beneath his touch.

“On your back,” Kieran ordered, still speaking softly. For their first time together – blowjob not counted – he didn’t want to be looking down at Nicholas’ back. He didn’t only want scent and touch and hearing. He wanted sight, as well. Wanted to see the emotions flow across his mate’s face, see every cry that didn’t manage to manifest as sound.

Ever obedient, Nicholas didn’t hesitate to turn himself over. Kieran trailed his fingers down Nicholas’ chest, like he’d done with his nose last night, loving the way Nicholas’ breathing sped up just a little bit at the touch. Gratitude and happiness poured off of the omega in waves, nearly as strong in his scent as desire was. “Mine,” Kieran whispered, still somehow unable to fully grasp it all.

“Yours, Master,” Nicholas responded, predictably, but Kieran didn’t really react to it. He was too busy investigating his mate’s human body. His tight belly was next, the muscles twitching under his light touch. Nicholas didn’t complain, didn’t squirm, but his hands clenched around the covers in his efforts to remain still. Discomfort and desperation emerged in his scent, but it somehow seemed to feed his arousal. “Yours!” he gasped.

The tip of his erection was shining with fluid as Kieran slid his fingers past it, very deliberately not touching it. Nicholas whimpered softly but again didn’t complain. His legs spread apart just a fraction more as Kieran caressed his thighs; it seemed to be an involuntary reflex, not a conscious move. Nicholas didn’t seem to be aware of the movement any more than he seemed to realise he’d tilted his head back, pressing it down into the mattress, the tendons under his chin stretched taut as he bared his throat.

For a minute or so, Kieran hesitated. His hands went on stroking Nicholas’ legs, but his eyes were fastened on that cock straining up against the omega’s belly. Should he or shouldn’t he? What if Nicholas thought that wasn’t something an alpha, a Dom, should do? Then he grinned to himself. Did it really matter? Nicholas _had_ said for Kieran to do whatever he wanted, hadn’t he? No limits. If Nicholas disagreed, they could talk about it later. Right now, Kieran wanted. Just as slowly as he’d slid his hands down Nicholas’ legs, he moved them back upwards until they rested on Nicholas’ hips. He leaned in, allowing his weight to press down on Nicholas, holding him securely in place.

Nicholas seemed to guess at his intent, his body tensing as Kieran’s breath brushed his sensitive skin. Then it was only Kieran’s hands and weight holding him down to the bed as he tried to arch off it with a strangled cry the moment Kieran’s tongue touched him. Kieran barely noticed, his mind swirling as taste seemed to explode on his tongue, as scent speared up through his nose without a chance to disperse with distance. Both scent and taste were so purely Nicholas, spoke of his need so eloquently without a word needing to be said.

If he’d thought to wait, to take it slow, Kieran had no patience anymore. Sitting back, he grabbed the lube he’d dropped, pouring out a liberal amount on two fingers. Nicholas all too willingly spread his legs further to give him space, to give him access. Then, as if it still wasn’t enough, he raised his legs off the bed, grabbing himself around the knees and folding himself almost double. His arse came into view, and with it the tight hole that had previously been concealed behind his balls.

Nicholas gave off a half-whimper, half-moan as Kieran’s fingers touched his hole and spread the lube around just a little before slowly starting to press inside. He should have started with one, he told himself as Nicholas’ flesh gradually parted before his touch, the sphincter muscle relaxing just a little, but it was too late for that now. Nicholas’ channel gripped him so tightly that the mere thought of having his cock in there made him groan. Nicholas’ hands clenched more tightly around his legs, his muscles trembling with the strain of remaining still.

“M-master?” With just that one word, Nicholas’ breathless voice, called his attention, and he glanced up, trying to meet the omega’s eyes in between his legs and failing because Nicholas wasn’t looking back at him. “You– you don’t have to… Not for _me_ , I mean…” It seemed impossible for him to finish a single sentence.

“It would hurt you,” Kieran responded. He didn’t want to hurt Nicholas. Not like this. Right?

“It wouldn’t… I mean, I wouldn’t mind.” Nicholas swallowed, bit his lip lightly, then whimpered and pushed his arse down against Kieran’s hand as Kieran pressed in just a tiny bit more. “I… like it,” he confessed a second or two later, but then moments after seemed to regret it. “I’m sorry, Master, do whatever you like,” he said quickly. “I just… wanted you to know you don’t _have_ to stretch me if you don’t want to.”

He should. He should prepare Nicholas thoroughly; Kieran wasn’t ‘fairly average’ or whatever it was Nicholas had used to describe himself. He should want to make it as painless as he could. But all of a sudden, that seemed to matter a lot less, if only because Nicholas had finally given in and told him about something he liked, something he enjoyed. That it involved a certain amount of pain… Kieran would have to get used to that, wouldn’t he, did he want to be able to give Nicholas what the omega wanted and needed.

Before he could start to second-guess himself he pulled his fingers out, ignoring Nicholas’ corresponding whimper, the sound filled with both disappointment and hope. He didn’t leave his mate waiting for long. Squeezing out some more lube, he quickly slicked himself up. He positioned himself and slowly pressed forward, holding himself steady. It wouldn’t do to slip.

It was impossible to miss the flare of pain as he breached Nicholas’ body. Had that been the only thing he’d scented, he’d probably have lost the capability to continue, but it was equally impossible to miss the gratitude and pleasure that soared through the omega as he was filled.

Empty. That’s what Nicholas had said when Kieran had asked him how his arse felt. This was what he’d wanted even then, wasn’t it? For Kieran to take his pleasure from Nicholas’ body, to make him feel… what? Claimed? Owned? Shaking his head slightly, Kieran forced himself to stop thinking, to stop listening to the voice of reason that told him to wait for Nicholas to relax and get used to the cock inside him. Instead, he allowed himself to listen to that other voice, the voice that told him to claim, to mark, to rut, to prove once and for all that Nicholas belonged to him.

He pressed inside until his hips touched Nicholas’, listened to every shift in Nicholas’ breath. His nostrils flared as he took in every minute change in Nicholas’ scent. When he pulled back, the pain didn’t lessen, but there was a note of panic as well. Fear. Fear that Kieran was stopping.

“Mine,” he reiterated as he thrust back inside again, the tight channel around his cock as glorious as he’d imagined it would be. Grateful pleasure rose even higher.

“Yours, Master.” His response wasn’t forgotten this time either, even if his voice seemed a little more breathless than usual.

This time when Kieran pulled back, there was no fear. This time, Nicholas trusted that it wasn’t the last time, that he wouldn’t be left empty. Supporting himself on Nicholas’ legs, Kieran leaned over the omega as he gave himself over to the pleasure, to the feeling of almost forcing himself inside, to the sensation of being gripped so tightly it was bordering on painful. If Nicholas could trust him, he could trust Nicholas. He’d trust Nicholas to use the safe word he’d been given if Kieran failed to notice that he was truly hurting his mate. His sub.

Gradually, very slowly, the pain in Nicholas’ scent receded as his body clearly got used to the intrusion. The pleasure, especially when Kieran managed to find his prostate and subsequently adjusted his angle to slide up against it more often, spiralled ever upwards, feeding Kieran’s own pleasure. He’d never understand how humans managed to have good sex when they were so nose-blind the only reason they even knew a man had come was because of the physical evidence.

At the last moment, Kieran pulled out. It would have been so easy not to, to instead push himself as deep inside as possible and spend himself there, but that wasn’t what he wanted. No, he’d told Nicholas he’d mark him for anyone with a nose to tell just who he belonged to. So he ignored the fact Nicholas hadn’t wanted him to stop as he wrapped his hand around his own shaft. He pumped once, twice, and then leaned heavily against Nicholas as his orgasm tore through him and spilled out over the body below him.

For a blissful moment, he was as blank as one could be without passing out. Then reality began to assert itself again, Nicholas’ confusion nagging at him until he paid attention. Nicholas scent kept asking him had he done something wrong, and Kieran didn’t know at first what to do but smile. Then he straightened up and reached down to Nicholas’ belly, almost scooping up his own semen, smearing it down toward the omega’s crotch. The confusion in Nicholas’ scent vanished, replaced with overwhelming gratitude and understanding.

“Mine,” he promised as he used the sperm as one might a lotion, spreading it out and massaging it into Nicholas’ skin, nudging at the sharp angle between hips and thighs until Nicholas understood and lowered his legs to the bed again. Good. It gave Kieran a larger canvas, and he made sure to cover as much of Nicholas’ pelvic area as he could. Spread out so thin, the semen dried quickly, and Kieran looked down at his work. Nicholas’ cock was still hard, but just like he had earlier he didn’t seem to expect any relief from that. Kieran smiled to himself. It didn’t matter what Nicholas expected, did it?

Without hesitation, he scooted back on the bed until he could lay down comfortably. Draping his arms over Nicholas’ thighs and placing his hands at the omega’s hips, he glanced up. Nicholas blinked down at him, once more confused.

“Master?” he asked. Or rather, he attempted to ask. The end syllable of the title was swallowed up in a shocked gasp as Kieran straightened Nicholas’ cock with one hand and took its tip into his mouth to begin with, then a few centimetres more.

Whether it was the angle or his relative inexperience, he wasn’t able to take it all in. It didn’t matter. He worked over as much of it as he could, holding Nicholas’ hips down onto the mattress to keep him still. At first, that wasn’t really necessary, but as he went on, taking note from the omega’s scent to figure out what seemed to spur the arousal in it on faster, Nicholas gradually lost control over himself. He was clutching at the cover, his back arching back off the bed and a steady stream of gasps and whimpers sounded in the room. After a few minutes, far longer than Kieran had thought he’d last, the whimpers gradually changed into pleas. Nothing specific, just literally a litany of, “Please,” and, “Master,” repeated over and over again, rarely more than a few seconds passing between each repetition, the two words often strung together in random order.

With his mouth full, Kieran wasn’t really able to speak up in return, whether to ask what Nicholas wanted or to grant it. If Nicholas wanted him to stop, he knew what he’d–

“Kieran!” The name tore from Nicholas’ throat in a strangled cry. Startled, it took Kieran half a second to react, but then he quickly let go of the hot shaft and moved up to stretch out next to his distressed mate. Nicholas was shaking, and Kieran gently pulled him close, cautiously wrapped one arm around him, ready to remove it again if that proved to be the wrong thing to do.

It seemed to be just the right thing to do. Nicholas pressed himself close, buried his face in Kieran’s shoulder, huddled under his arm.

“I’m sorry, Master,” he whispered.

Kieran blinked. “Shh,” he then soothed. “You did nothing wrong. You did exactly right.” He wasn’t going to ask Nicholas why he’d safe-worded, not right this moment. Nor would he ask what Nicholas was apologising for. Right now, the only important thing was to hold his mate tight and make sure he knew he was safe and sound. Make sure Nicholas knew he wasn’t angry or disappointed. “Good omega,” he praised. “Good sub.” His words seemed to be working. Nicholas’ panic slowly receded as he relaxed into Kieran’s hold. Good. He kissed the top of Nicholas’ head lightly and just held him. A few minutes later, he spoke. “Whenever you’re ready, I’m listening.” He did need to know what had gone wrong, after all. Needed to make sure it wouldn’t happen again.

“I– I couldn’t… I wanted to, but I just couldn’t take it any more, not without…”

Nicholas’ soft statement, when it came, was disjointed, broken up, not a single sentence actually finished. It took Kieran a few moments to process what it was Nicholas was talking about, but when he did he almost laughed out loud with relief. It wasn’t that he’d managed to do something wrong, it was just old ghosts, old habits. It had to be. He pressed another kiss to Nicholas’ head, considering carefully what to say.

“Nicholas, I have a nose,” he began, making sure to keep his voice steady and gentle, his scent calm, without a hint of blame in either. “I’m not one of the humans you’ve been with lately. I knew how close you were. You couldn’t have done anything wrong, because I wouldn’t have let you. Choosing to safe-word wasn’t wrong either.” The last bit he added because he could smell Nicholas’ guilt increasing. It settled down a little. “You did very good,” he praised, stroking Nicholas’ back until the omega relaxed against him once more. “I’m going to give you two options, and both are equally good as far as I’m concerned.” Nicholas tensed a little again, and Kieran could almost see his ears swivel his way to really focus on what he was saying. “One: You can get out of bed, get dressed, eat something and head off to work. Two: I can go back to what I was doing, and this time you won’t have permission to hold back.” His lips twitched into a smile as he heard Nicholas’ breath catch. “ _Then_ you can get out of bed, get dressed, eat something, and I’ll drive you to work.” There was little doubt which option excited Nicholas more.

“I… I should probably pick the first option, Master,” Nicholas said then, and Kieran’s smile vanished.

“Is that what you want?” It wasn’t. It couldn’t be.

Nicholas swallowed. “I don’t want to be a bother, Master.”

“The only way you’d be a bother is by refusing to answer the question and waste what little time we have.” Despite the mild tone he’d used, Nicholas flinched and bowed his head just a little further until his forehead was what rested on Kieran’s shoulder.

“I’m sorry, Master.” He sucked in a breath, sounding as though he had to struggle for it. “It’s not what I want, but it’s what I should want. Isn’t it?”

Kieran dredged up another smile, pushing aside the urge to head to Dublin and kick the shite out of the eejit what passed for an alpha there. “You’re an omega and a submissive, Nicholas. Not a martyr. When I give you an open choice, I want you to choose what _you_ want, not what you’ve managed to trick yourself into believing is what I want. One last chance, Nicholas. Option one or two?” Dealing with Nicholas was like a riding a rollercoaster blindfolded. One moment they could be on top of the world, everything looking absolutely perfect. The next, with hardly any warning, they plummeted to the snarling pit of self-doubt that _someone_ had to be responsible for. Nicholas needed Kieran to keep him steady, to help him keep it together and make it off that stupid rollercoaster. For Nicholas, Kieran could do that. He’d work through his issues on his own, or with Aindriú and Declan, so Nicholas wouldn’t have to deal with that on top of his own insecurities.

“The second then, Master,” Nicholas whispered. “Please.”

Kieran tilted Nicholas’ head back and leaned in to kiss him. “Well done, pup.” He smiled. “On your back.”

Nicholas couldn’t obey fast enough, it seemed, jerking away from him as if Kieran could change his mind at any moment. Kieran chose not to comment on it, as that would only serve to make Nicholas second-guess himself again. Instead he kissed his way down Nicholas body again, pausing a little at his nipples to tease them, give them just a hint of tongue and teeth before moving on.

The omega’s erection had gone down a bit while they’d been talking, but Kieran’s slow path down there had brought it back. It wasn’t as firm as it had been, of course, but definitely on the way there. There was a spot where Nicholas’ scent lay strong, where, Kieran assumed, a few drops of pre had leaked out. That wasn’t part of the scent picture he’d painted, so he lapped at it until he’d cleaned off as much of it as possible. By then, Nicholas was again reduced to shallow, trembling breaths at irregular intervals.

“That’s right,” Kieran said. “Just focus on me, on what I’m doing. Give yourself over completely. No holding back on me this time. I want it all.”

Nicholas’ breath stuttered to a stop. A second later, he let it out again as a soft moan as he slumped down into the mattress, relaxing almost completely. “All yours, Master.” His voice was accepting, his scent filled with the same desperation to please that Kieran had almost become used to by now. Kieran didn’t wait, didn’t hesitate. Within moments he was draped over Nicholas’ thighs and hips again, holding his mate’s cock up and once more wrapping his lips around it. Nicholas groaned, a deep sound that seemed to originate from somewhere just south of his sternum.

If Kieran’s heart hadn’t been completely in it from the start, that quickly changed as Nicholas’ scent wrapped around him, all pleasure and submission, combined with the touch of his own scent on his mate’s body. Mine, marked and claimed, that scent said, pure sex and possession and perfection.

When had Kieran changed? When had he come to realise that Nicholas without Kieran’s scent on him was wrong? All he knew was that he never, ever, wanted a repeat of this past week, of being forced to keep his hands off the omega, of needing to stand everyone else touching him, leaving their scents on his clothes and skin, and Kieran’s own never allowed to stay for longer than a fragile moment.

Spurred on, he did his best to drive Nicholas’ pleasure to even greater heights, wrapping his left arm across both Nicholas’ hips to free his right to caress what he couldn’t get at with his mouth. He fondled Nicholas’ sac, gently massaged his perineum, reached further back to tease his opening, still slightly loose to the touch. At the last, Nicholas hissed slightly, discomfort winding its way into his scent even as his pleasure rose further. He hesitated, not wanting to ruin anything by doing the wrong thing. Then Nicholas ground his arse down toward his finger, trying to impale himself.

“Please, Master,” he begged. Fighting the shaft between them, Kieran’s lips did their best to curve into a smile. He held off, following Nicholas’ movements with his hand until the omega stilled. “Please, I need you inside me, Master.”

He whimpered when Kieran pulled his hand away, but Kieran didn’t let him suffer for long. He only brought it back up to his mouth to cover two fingers with saliva before reaching back down and sliding them inside Nicholas. There was no resistance this time, Nicholas’ hole well stretched by Kieran’s cock.

“Thank you,” Nicholas groaned, throwing his head back and clutching at the sheets. Always so polite.

When Kieran reached inside and curved his fingers to find Nicholas’ prostate, he knew it was only a matter of seconds. Nicholas bucked beneath him, a keening noise leaving his throat. His balls tightened. Then he froze, every muscle in his body tensing as he spilled himself into Kieran’s mouth, his hole attempting to strangle Kieran’s fingers. Kieran swallowed him down, pleased with himself and at first amused and then slightly worried as a few seconds passed and Nicholas wasn’t breathing.

Eight long seconds went by, and then Nicholas sucked in a deep breath, slumping down onto the bed once more. Kieran gently slid his fingers out, accompanied by a disappointed sigh from his mate, and took his mouth off of Nicholas’ slowly softening shaft. He watched with a certain amount of pride as a few full-body shudders went through Nicholas’ body until the aftershocks gradually faded.

Moving back up, he kissed Nicholas deeply, hungrily. Nicholas didn’t protest his own taste in Kieran’s mouth, only sighed happily and allowed Kieran to take what he wanted, completely pliant. “You’re welcome, my mate,” Kieran murmured in between kisses. “And you did very well in not holding back too much.” He sat back on his heels. “Unfortunately, as much as I’d love to stay in bed with you all day, we’re running out of time. Hurry upstairs and get dressed, and I’ll see what I can find for you to eat.” Nicholas only looked at him. He still seemed dazed, but Kieran could see the protest growing in him, just waiting for enough energy to emerge. “That’s an order, pup. No arguments.”

Nicholas sighed once more, a deep, bone-weary sigh. Then he rolled over onto his belly, scooted to the edge of the bed and pushed himself up on his feet. Kieran could see his muscles in his thighs trembling with the effort to hold him upright. Nicholas took a step toward the door, hesitated, turned back. He didn’t look at Kieran. “Is… Is it alright for me to go out like this?” he asked. “Should I take a towel? I don’t… If you don’t want the others to see me…”

Kieran chuckled and shook his head. “I don’t mind. Get going, now.” As Nicholas left the room, Kieran leaned his head back and stared up into the ceiling for a few moments. One week, and his life had been turned upside down. Hell, one _day_ had been enough to make him feel different than he’d ever had before in his life. And all because he one day, a little over four months ago, had made the decision to let a lone omega into his pack. He wasn’t sure if that had been a mistake or not, but he knew beyond a shadow of a doubt that if he’d been there again, with the knowledge he had today, he’d still make the same choice.

He laughed at himself as he got out of bed. No. Scratch that, he wouldn’t make the _same_ choice. If he got to do it all over again, knowing and feeling the way he did today, he’d have claimed the omega as his right away.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh, look. Only took them thirty chapters to get there. Hopefully it wasn't too chaotic ^^;


	31. Chapter 31

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> What is it they say? Abstinence makes the heart grow fonder? ;) Something along those lines. In other words, I think the boys will be going at it like bunnies for a while, after having been kept from each other for almost thirty chapters.
> 
> As usual, please tell me if I've messed up somewhere.

_Nicholas_

 

Four hours at work passed at the same time both faster than they’d ever had before and far too slow for Nicholas to bear. His mind kept running over the morning’s events. Blowjob, shower, the most glorious sex he’d had in what felt like years, and… well, the next bit he wasn’t too keen on thinking about. Not that Kieran’s mouth on his cock… Oh, night, just _that_ sentence was enough to make him hard again. Not that it hadn’t been wonderful, but then he’d gone and fucked it up, safe-worded because he’d somehow managed to forget that Kieran wasn’t into BDSM, that he didn’t do orgasm denial and that he wouldn’t punish Nicholas for coming without permission. The second time had been far better, because he’d known what Kieran expected from him. Because Kieran hadn’t been angry with him for safe-wording; he had, in fact, _praised_ Nicholas for doing so. Logically, Nicholas knew that was how it should be, but emotionally… Emotionally he had a hard time not feeling as if he’d let Kieran down. As if he hadn’t been good enough.

When six o’clock finally came around and he was released, it was all he could do not to run out of there like he had the devil after him. The other guys at the warehouse had been nice enough, with only a few pointed questions regarding what pretty little thing had made him forget his brain at home – something he’d only smiled about and allowed them to think what they wanted – but he’d never hear the end of it if he let them see how eager he was to be home again.

Once he was turned around the corner, it was a different thing altogether. Despite the exhaustion of last night’s change, the usual thirty-minute-walk took him twenty, and he was forced to stop for another minute or two on the porch to catch his breath before even opening the door. Adrenaline, he decided. That was the only reason he hadn’t collapsed on the way home or given into temptation and found himself a taxi. Not that there were many of those in the small town he worked in; it would probably have taken it just as long to get there as it took him to walk.

Stripping off his shoes and jacket, he padded deeper into the house. After almost a week of house arrest, it felt weird to be the one coming home. He hesitated in the living room, his eyes automatically going to the door leading into Kieran’s domain. Kieran hadn’t told him what to do when he got home. Was he supposed to knock and say he was home? What if he interrupted something?

“Welcome home, Nick,” Samantha’s oddly gentle voice came from behind him, making him jump and spin around. Fuck! He’d been so caught up in his thoughts he hadn’t heard her come downstairs.

“Thanks,” he said, his mouth apparently going on auto-pilot even when his brain was two steps behind. Then he couldn’t help but stare at her. Night, this had to be what Jeremy had been feeling when Nicholas proved he could pretend to be dominant. Only in reverse.

Samantha seemed… soft. Soft and vulnerable. She was a beta, he _knew_ that, but if this had been his first meeting with her, he’d never have believed that. Maybe a gamma, yes, though a low-ranking one, but not a beta.

“Take a picture; it lasts longer,” she mumbled under her breath, barely loud enough for Nicholas to hear, but for some reason it removed some of the tension from his body. It wasn’t much, but it was a sign that she was still there, so to speak, that she hadn’t been replaced with a more subservient clone.

“Excuse me,” he responded. “I… wasn’t quite prepared.”

To his surprise, a blush crept up on her cheeks, though her scent revealed it was from both shame and anger in equal measures. She took a deep breath. “I’m the one who should apologise, sir,” she said then, and the feeling of being caught in the Twilight Zone was back. “It was rude of me. It won’t– I’ll do my best to make sure it won’t happen again, sir.”

Nicholas shook himself slightly in an attempt to dislodge the shiver running down his spine. “Don’t call me that, please,” he… didn’t quite beg, but it was a close call. “It’s not right.”

Samantha shrugged. “You’re a mated omega. I’m not.”

“Course not. You’re not an–”

“For the next four weeks or so, I am,” Samantha interrupted, her voice slightly sharper. Then she flinched, her whole face twitching as she very obviously told herself off. She lowered herself to the floor, crouching down before him. It was a display eerily similar to what had taken place last Thursday, at the same time as it was so completely different. Then, she and the others had begged forgiveness from their alpha. Now, she was doing the same to an omega.

Nicholas wanted to back off, to run away. He couldn’t. Samantha was right; Kieran had set her to the same status as an omega. She was also right that he was mated and she wasn’t, so in extension that gave him a higher rank than her. It wasn’t about dominance, not exactly; they both knew she was more dominant than he was, when it came down to it. No, this wasn’t because she really thought he was more dominant, even if she played along with it for the time being, wearing submission like an ill-fitting suit. It was because this was her penance, her price to pay for her betrayal. It wouldn’t be right for him to disregard it as unimportant, nor would it be right for him to fail to give the proper response to her silent plea.

He leaned down and placed his hand on her cheek. To his surprise, he could feel the light touch of her tongue on his skin. “I shouldn’t have provoked you. I forgive you as long as you respect my request.”

Samantha nodded, rubbing against his hand. “Of course… Nick. Or do you prefer Nicholas?”

He smiled a little. “Nick will do.” It’s what she’d always called him, and he saw no need to change it up. She’d probably forget herself soon enough even if he did insist. “Stand.” Resisting the urge to add a ‘please’ to the request, he straightened up as she did.

It felt weird, being to all appearances more dominant than another member of the pack without taking on his dominant persona. Weird, and _wrong_. While he knew that technically Kieran had only forbidden him from dominating _humans_ , part of him couldn’t help but panic at the thought that Kieran wouldn’t like this situation. He did his best to slow his racing heart, slowly counted while breathing in and out. It’d be fine. It’d be… He needed Kieran.

Taking a step back, he glanced over at the closed door to Kieran’s room. He’d take his chances, he decided. Was Kieran angry with him for interrupting, he’d willingly pay for that. It would be better than being here, feeling lonely and like he was doing something wrong.

“He’s been in there ever since he got back this morning,” Samantha said quietly. “I’ve barely even seen him.” Humour suddenly entered her scent. “And not because I’ve had my eyes on the floor the entire time he’s been around,” she added.

The joke made Nicholas look back at her. For some reason, he was relieved she _could_ joke about it. While he didn’t think she wasn’t taking it seriously, it _did_ mean – or at least imply – that she’d get through it without losing track of herself in the process. “Were that the criteria, I’d barely seen him all week.”

Samantha’s lips twitched into a brief smile. Then she took a step back as well, agreeing to the ending of their conversation. “I’ll let you go. Tea’s wet, if you want to get him some. I’m just after handing a cup to Caleb.”

Brilliant idea. “Thanks, Samantha.”

Hurrying over to the kitchen, he poured a cup from the kettle and put in one lump of sugar, the way he knew Kieran preferred it. Stirring it with a spoon until the sugar dissolved, he left the spoon in the sink and carried the tea over to the door on the other side of the room. Taking a deep breath, he raised his hand and gently rapped his knuckles against the wood.

A second passed. Then, “Enter.”

Nicholas winced at the half upset, half resigned tone in Kieran’s voice, but he obeyed the command and slipped inside the room. “I brought you some tea, Master,” he offered quietly.

“Nicholas!” Warm surprise spread through the air, wiping away the resignation as if it had never existed, as Nicholas padded through the bedroom and into the office nook where Kieran sat. “I didn’t know you were home already.”

Nicholas blinked, doing his best not to look at Kieran’s bare chest, deeming it safer to keep his eyes on the floor instead. He didn’t quite understand what Kieran was getting at. Already? “It’s twenty to seven, Master.”

Shock. A quick glance at his watch to confirm. “So it is.”

Was tea really what Kieran needed right now? “Have you eaten, Master?” On cue, Kieran’s belly rumbled, making the answer to his question obvious. “I’m sorry, I’ll go find some food for you instead.”

He hadn’t even started to turn away when Kieran spoke up. “Just give it here.”

Unable to disobey, he approached the desk. The pile of essays on the ‘not finished yet’ side of it had clearly shrunk, leaving only three or four left. Carefully, he set the cup down, making sure he didn’t spill anything. Then he stood there, waiting. Kieran said nothing, only picked up the cup and sipped the hot liquid inside it. His sigh of contentment made Nicholas’ heart soar. He’d pleased his master.

Clasping his hands behind his back, he slid his feet apart just a little bit more, relaxing into the stance as he waited for what Kieran wanted him to do next. Technically, he could ask if he should go make him some food, but… Kieran had stopped his previous attempt, and he wasn’t _that_ willing to set himself up for trouble. Instead he let the scents and sounds that were pure Kieran envelop him. Had Kieran been any other Dom or Master he’d had, he would have been on his knees either by his master’s side or under the desk, his lips wrapped around… Oh, Night, don’t go there. Kieran wasn’t any other man, and he wouldn’t appreciate such forward behaviour, and certainly didn’t deserve Nicholas getting aroused at the thought of… it. At the thought of it. He very carefully kept himself from wondering whether Kieran was as naked below the edge of the desk as he was above it. Those thoughts were _not_ inductive to keeping him calm.

The sounds of Kieran drinking tea paused. “Nicholas? Something I should know?”

Nicholas did nothing to hide the bulge in his jeans. Nor did he allow himself to hesitate. A question had been asked, and must be answered. Honestly. “I was thinking about pleasuring you, Master. I’m sorry for disturbing you.”

Kieran was silent, and had it not been for the confusion and then humour in his scent, Nicholas might have thought he was angry and trying not to show it. A gentle chuckle. “Really? Is that what you think? Trust me, I would be far more disturbed if the thought of having sex with your mate _didn’t_ turn you on.” Oh. Nicholas blinked, but didn’t look up. He hadn’t really thought of it that way. “Was that something you wanted to do now, or was it just an idle thought?”

This time, Nicholas did hesitate, but only because he wasn’t entirely sure how to answer. Kieran must think him a complete lackwit, too stupid to make sense of a simple either-or question. That wasn’t what had him stumped. “Both, Master,” he finally settled on. “Did you want me to, I’d be happy to, but I don’t mind is it that you don’t want me to.” Fuck, that was borderline sub talk again, wasn’t it? “I know you’re busy, Master,” he hurriedly added, hoping to distract Kieran from the implications of his previous statement. Yes, Kieran had said he liked being called Master – or Nicholas would do his best to eradicate the word from his vocabulary – and that he’d enjoyed Nicholas’ submission last night. But the step from an alpha wolf approving of an omega showing his respect like that to what Nicholas was aching for was a huge one. And that was wrong, too, wasn’t it? He shouldn’t be wanting what Kieran didn’t want. He should–

“You’re thinking too much again, omega.”

Nicholas froze, his mind blanking with panic. His first thought again once the world started moving again was that it had been a good reaction. Kieran hadn’t wanted him thinking, and he’d stopped. Even if it’d only been for a second or two, he’d stopped. That was good, wasn’t it? Of course, that hadn’t been the reason for it, but the result had been good, right? “I can’t help it, Master. I’ll work on it.” No, wait, that wasn’t what Kieran wanted. Nicholas knew he was being too literal, but that, too, was something he found difficult to control. “I’m sorry, that’s not what you meant. I know that. I just…”

“Hush.”

One simple order, gently delivered, and the desperate flow of words stopped. Grateful to have something to focus on, a specific thing he could do to please Kieran, Nicholas waited in silence.

“You were right; I need to eat something. So do you. I want you to get us both some lasagne. Water to drink. No, don’t move yet. I’m not done. Until I tell you otherwise, you’re not allowed to speak unless asked a direct question. And Nicholas? This last one is important. I want you to stop worrying about what I like or don’t like. Stop second-guessing me. If we come across something I dislike and want you to stop doing, I will tell you, just like I’ve done now.”

With each command, there was something inside Nicholas that settled down further and further, a tension he hadn’t realised was there unwinding. Kieran was there, and he was taking charge like he’d said he would. Kieran was the one with all the control, and he was making it bloody obvious.

“Do you understand?”

He knew what the proper answer to that was, but it wouldn’t be true. “Not entirely, Master, but I don’t need to.” He didn’t need to fully understand Kieran’s orders to follow them to the best of his ability.

Kieran sighed with a tinge of exasperation, and Nicholas’ chest tightened. “No, Nicholas, you did well. It’s important that you’re honest with me.” And just like that, Nicholas was fine again. “Do you understand the rules enough to follow them?”

Oh, that was a much easier question to answer. “I do, Master. Thank you.”

“Thank you, for…?”

There were a lot of things he wanted to thank Kieran for, but right now… “For taking care of me, Master.”

Kieran’s smile was obvious, and it made Nicholas’ skin tingle. “You’re welcome, pup. Now go.”

Taking two steps back, Nicholas turned and left the room. He’d wanted to ask if he should take Kieran’s cup with him, but he wasn’t allowed to speak up. Besides, there was still a little bit of tea left in it from what he could scent. He’d take the cup back later.

Each step he took made Kieran’s rules settle in, like a sturdy rope coiling around him. Forget his skin tingling; his entire _mind_ was tingling with the relief of not having to make decisions for himself.

“Oh, hi, Nicholas.” Benjamin was in the kitchen, turning to smile at him. Unable to answer, Nicholas just dipped his head in polite greeting, offering a small smile back. “I’m glad I didn’t have to go out today; I was so knackered this morning I didn’t wake up till about an hour ago.”

There wasn’t a question baked into that, so Nicholas settled for merely smiling at Benjamin again as he headed for the cold lasagne.

“Not talking to me, are you?”

A question. “Not allowed to, sir,” he responded softly.

If it was possible to hear someone’s eyes widen, it would have been covered up by the gasp Benjamin let off. “Just me, or…?”

Was that another direct question? Possibly. “In general, sir, unless asked a direct question.”

“Fuck me sideways,” Benjamin groaned. “You’re the luckiest bastard alive, you are. And don’t call me ‘sir’. I may be above you in the pack, if not by much, but I’m not when it comes to the scene.”

Again, Nicholas dipped his head in acknowledgement, as there hadn’t been a question anywhere in sight. Benjamin’s scent was filled with jealousy and arousal, and if they hadn’t had that talk last week, he might have worried, as he had then, that Benjamin was after Kieran. But he’d heard and smelled the honesty when Benjamin assured him it was merely the situation, that there was another wolf he wished to be with in exactly this way. Except his wolf was even less interested than Kieran was.

“Oh, don’t you pity me, Nicholas Teague,” Benjamin groused, stepping out of the way to let Nicholas reach the press to get down two plates. Kieran had told him they both needed food.

Again, Nicholas dipped his head in acknowledgement of the order, working on calming his mind. Benjamin was correct. Even if he was a submissive and _wanted_ this kind of dynamic, Benjamin wasn’t an omega. He didn’t need it to function properly. Besides… He glanced speculatively at the gamma. He hadn’t thought Kieran would ever want anything like this. Perhaps, just maybe, there was a tiny chance that Benjamin’s preferred wolf was the same? That he just didn’t show what he wanted?

“Is there anything you want to tell me?”

Was he supposed to answer questions that hadn’t been asked? No. “There is.” He held back the ‘sir’. Benjamin had told him to stop that.

Benjamin didn’t take offence from the less than informative answer. He merely nodded. “What is it?” he asked then, after a few seconds of thinking about it.

Nicholas loaded the first plate into the microwave oven, starting with his own to make sure Kieran’s was the freshest. “I never thought Kieran wanted anything like this. Wanted me. You don’t think yours does. Perhaps I’m not the only one mistaken?”

Benjamin managed to both pale and flush at the same time, mortification and lust and embarrassment sweeping through his scent. “Aye right,” he muttered. “Just because you have it made doesn’t mean it’ll happen again.”

Unable to argue, Nicholas was relieved by the ding from the microwave. Exchanging the plates, he then found a large enough tray and loaded up two glasses, cutlery and a pitcher of water. When he had both servings on it as well, he nodded to Benjamin and was just about to carry the tray away when he paused. There was something… wistful in Benjamin’s expression.

“D’you think he might appreciate some food as well?”

It wasn’t hard to figure out who Benjamin was talking about. “I do,” Nicholas said with an encouraging nod. It would take a very special werewolf to not appreciate food a few hours before the change. He turned his back on Benjamin’s bright smile and headed back to Kieran’s room. Pausing momentarily by the door, he briefly wondered if he was supposed to knock again. But no, Kieran had sent him to fetch something; he was expected to come back. He wouldn’t have knocked on the door if this had been any of the contracts he’d had back in Dublin, or if Kieran had been a wolf from his old pack. He steeled himself. If Kieran disliked it, he’d say so. He’d promised to do that. And Nicholas had been ordered to stop worrying about it.

Getting the door open with two fingers and a foot, he slipped inside without spilling anything and carefully carried his tray deeper into Kieran’s domain, walking slowly to keep from making too much noise. He would have stopped in front of Kieran’s desk had the alpha not pointed to the sideboard. Nodding his understanding, Nicholas carried the tray there and set it down.

He hesitated for a moment. Did Kieran want to be served now, or not until he gave a specific order for it? Then he picked up the warmer plate. He may not have been given a direct order to _serve_ the food, but Kieran was hungry. Carrying the plate over, he set it down in front of Kieran, relieved to see that there had obviously been prepared a space for it. The essay, test, whatever it was, that had been in front of him when Nicholas left was no longer there. Taking the now empty tea cup back to the tray, he returned with cutlery and a glass, before fetching the pitcher and pouring water for his master. Wiping the bottom of the pitcher with his shirt sleeve to make sure it was dry, he set it down on the desk as well, conveniently within reach should Kieran want more. Then he took a step back and waited to be told what to do next.

Kieran looked at him. Nicholas didn’t need to see that to know it. “Thank you,” Kieran said then. “You can serve yourself, as well.”

As he returned to the half empty tray, Nicholas’ mind was spinning. Serve himself? Where? But of course, there was only one option available. He remembered Thursday last week, when he’d been kneeling next to Kieran, eating his pizza. Despite everything that had happened, despite knowing Kieran wasn’t happy with him, he’d rarely felt more right. And Kieran hadn’t given any sign that he’d disapproved. That was important. Before that day, Nicholas had always sat at the table like any other wolf, ever since he’d noticed Kieran’s shock and dismay his first day in the pack, when he’d first tried to eat in the kitchen and then on the floor. He hadn’t done it again, not until that one time last week. Part of him _had_ been alert for the same reaction, but it had been strangely absent.

He’d missed it, this past week. Now, he had his chance again. Taking plate and cutlery, he crouched down to set them down on the floor next to Kieran’s desk. Filling his glass with water, he then sank to his knees next to his master. His master who was, he noticed, wearing a pair of loose-fitting jeans.

A hand stroked his head, fingers threading through his hair. He bit back a moan as he leaned into the touch, his eyes fluttering closed seemingly of their own volition.

“Good omega,” Kieran’s voice caressed him far more intimately than his hand had. “You can eat.”

Permission given, Nicholas nevertheless waited until he heard Kieran take his first bite before he picked up knife and fork and cut into his portion. Kieran was the alpha; he ate first. Without thinking about it, he kept pace with his master, matching him bite for bite, sip for sip of water. Neither of them spoke as they ate, though in Nicholas’ case that was a given.

Metal clattered against crockery and wood as Kieran put knife and fork down. Nicholas was halfway to his feet, the last bits of his food forgotten, when a hand came to rest heavily on his shoulder, pushing him down again.

“Stay.” Nicholas subsided, relaxing onto his knees once more. “Finish your food.”

Nicholas did his best to obey, but the hand didn’t leave his shoulder, the fingers didn’t stop caressing the back of his neck. They made it near impossible to even think about eating. He had to force himself to remember the simple task of lifting fork to mouth, or set it down again while chewing. Hell, even _chewing_ seemed to have vanished from the list of autonomous movement. Finally, when he realised he’d lifted an empty fork, Kieran took pity on him and withdrew his touch, chuckling quietly.

Unable to voice his thanks, Nicholas instead focused on all the things he had to be grateful for, filling himself up with the feeling until he was certain his scent had communicated it to his master. Then he returned to the task of clearing his plate.

“Would you like more water?” Kieran asked him, obviously noticing his glass was empty.

Nicholas winced. He didn’t _want_ more, since it would take up more time, but he also knew what Kieran really meant with the question. “I would, Master, thank you,” he answered quietly. Kieran shouldn’t have to rephrase his questions all the time to get the right one answered, not when Nicholas _knew_ what was meant.

“Hold it up.” Nicholas obeyed, and barely kept himself from flinching when Kieran filled it. Kieran wasn’t supposed to serve him! He managed to stay on his knees by reminding himself that he wasn’t allowed to get up yet, and that Kieran had the right to pour water if he wanted to do so. Nicholas didn’t need to concern himself about that; all he had to do was focus on submitting to his master’s will.

Kieran set the pitcher back on the desk. Nicholas remained where he was, holding his glass up between them. A very small part suggested he should drink it, but it wasn’t loud enough to keep him from obeying the last order he’d been given. He needed to please Kieran, especially after his near-failure just now.

“Good omega,” Kieran praised him, and he trembled with pleasure and gratitude. “You can drink.”

Draining the glass, Nicholas set it down on the floor again, then rested his hands on his thighs. He ought to clear the plates away, but after having been told firmly to stay on the floor the last time he’d tried, he wasn’t about to attempt it again.

Kieran’s hand returned to play with his hair, removing the bobbin to let it down. Nicholas closed his eyes and enjoyed the caress, and when there was a gentle pressure on the side of his head, he didn’t resist and allowed Kieran to guide him to rest his head against his master’s thigh. The tiny voice in his head spoke up again, but he ignored it. He didn’t need to worry about whether or not he should offer to go down on his master. Kieran would tell him if he wanted that sort of service.

All too soon, Kieran stopped. Nicholas didn’t complain, didn’t even sigh with disappointment. He only rested against Kieran’s leg, pliant and relaxed. Until Kieran said anything else, or even indicated he should be doing something else, he’d stay there, allowing himself to enjoy what little he was offered.

“After you clean up, I want you to return to this position.” A quiet jangle as he turned up his wrist to check his watch. “Hour and a half,” he commented, as if they couldn’t both feel the moon’s pull, their wolf half’s instincts swimming ever closer to the surface. “Go, and don’t take long.”

Nicholas didn’t hesitate. Unlike some wolves, who were torn between their human and wolf sides, Nicholas’ halves were united in their eagerness to serve his alpha, his pack leader, his master. Within less than half a minute, he’d cleared both the desk and the floor. A glance to the empty space on the desk reassured him that nothing had been spilt; there’d be no reason for an extra detour just to clean the surface. Grabbing the tray, he carried it out of the room as fast as he could without drawing too much attention to himself. Good subs were present, but not seen. Unless they were on display, of course.

The kitchen wasn’t vacant this time either. Jeremy, Mathias and Aidan were at the dining table, working on emptying their own plates of lasagne. They nodded at him, only taking their attention from their food long enough to grunt out quick greetings. Nicholas nodded back, but didn’t stop. They hadn’t said anything worthy of closer attention, and they certainly hadn’t asked him anything.

Did he need to wash the plates? Perhaps he could get away with just rinsing them, and dealing with the rest of it tomorrow? No, they had to be washed. He wouldn’t have time tomorrow before he had to go to work; tomorrow he had to be there even earlier than today. He’d barely get three hours of sleep. Fewer, if Kieran planned to deal with the lashes Nicholas had waiting. He’d said tomorrow, but hadn’t specified a time. Fifty-eight. That would take some time, probably close to an hour including preparation and aftercare. Of course, his time estimation was based on experienced Doms. He had no idea how it would apply to Kieran. He might work faster, or he might work slower.

Frustrated, he turned the tap on and reached for the washing up liquid. Supposedly fragrance free, and it might be for a nose-blind human. For a wolf, it wasn’t, but it was far better than the synthetic perfumes that irritated one’s sinuses and airways.

Aidan spoke up. “Leave them, Nicholas. We’ll take care of them in a bit.”

Nicholas froze, turning to look at them over his shoulder. Leave them? Part of him said no; Kieran had told _him_ to clean up, not them. Part of him said yes; letting them take care of it meant he could return to Kieran’s side sooner, and he _had_ said not to take long.

Nodding, he once more recalled everything he was grateful for and made himself feel it all over again, letting his scent speak louder than he was allowed to. He set the bottle down once more and turned off the water before hurrying out of the kitchen.

“Too good to talk to us, are you?” came a grunt from Mathias, his scent slightly annoyed.

Nicholas stopped. “Of course not, sir, but I’m only allowed to answer questions,” he responded politely, probably saying more than he strictly needed, but not wanting any of them upset with him either. They weren’t used to the scene; they wouldn’t understand unless he spelled it out for them. Could he go now? He needed to go back to Kieran. No. They weren’t done with him.

“That an order from Kieran?” Jeremy asked.

“It is, sir.” If he stuck to short answers, maybe they’d let him go sooner.

Jeremy snorted. “So that’s why you nearly drowned us with scent instead.” It wasn’t a question, so Nicholas merely nodded. “Effective.”

Were they done now? He shot a glance toward the door he desperately needed to go through. He didn’t dare give them even a pleading whimper; humans wouldn’t consider it speaking, but they were less than two hours away from being in wolf form, and for wolves whimpers definitely counted.

Aidan leaned in closer to Mathias to whisper. It wasn’t entirely necessary, since they could all hear it either way, but Nicholas full well understood the instinct that made Aidan want to take less space than the two betas. “You do know he wants to get in there for the same reason we’re not alone, don’t you?”

Nicholas couldn’t help but raise his eyes and stare at Aidan. Aidan wanted… Since when did Aidan want to kneel by Mathias’ side? Then the surge of frustration and desire coming off Mathias made it quite clear what they were talking about. He shifted his weight a little, not quite managing not to fidget.

“Oh go on, then.”

Nicholas didn’t wait for anyone to contradict Mathias’ permission. He turned and all but ran across the living room, skidding to a halt on the other side so he wouldn’t burst through the door and draw the wrong kind of attention from Kieran. He slipped inside as quietly as he could, closing the door gently behind him, then padded over to Kieran’s desk. Remembering his orders, he didn’t wait in front of it to be acknowledged. Instead he went around it and dropped to the floor next to Kieran with as much grace as he could muster. Resting his hands on his thighs, he leaned against Kieran’s leg, closing his eyes.

“Took you long enough,” Kieran commented, forcing Nicholas to bite back the apologetic whimper that crawled up his throat. It wasn’t a question. “Almost thought I needed go look for you.”

The whimper made it another few centimetres before Nicholas could put a stop to it. He couldn’t, however, stop the need to apologise. Kieran’s jaw was too far up for Nicholas to reach, and his hands weren’t anywhere near Nicholas either. So Nicholas settled for the sub version.

Breaking position, he lowered himself down on all fours, swivelling his arse around so he could lean his forehead on Kieran’s foot before going even further and nuzzling at his ankle. Kieran wasn’t wearing socks; he smelled clean, with little trace of Nicholas’ scent on him from earlier today. It wasn’t difficult to figure out that Kieran had taken a shower and not bothered to dress fully.

Kieran laughed softly, barely louder than a breath. “I’m not upset with you, my mate.”

Relief flooded through Nicholas at those words, but he didn’t stop what he was doing, lapping lightly at Kieran’s skin with his tongue. He desperately needed to know what Kieran wanted him to do, wanted to please his master.

“Mind telling me what took so long?”

“Jeremy and Mathias had questions, Master,” he confessed. He dreaded to think what Kieran would have thought if he’d been forced to wash the plates and all himself. That would have taken a lot longer than the brief conversation with the betas. Should he have added Aidan offering to take over that task? It didn’t matter. It was too late now, the moment of answering gone.

Kieran sighed, and Nicholas hurried to return his attention to Kieran’s foot. He didn’t want Kieran to be upset with _him_ , even if he knew there was little he could do to prevent it. “They broke your focus, didn’t they?”

Nicholas paused. That wasn’t what he’d ever expected Kieran to ask. But it was a question, and it needed an answer. “They did, Master. I’m sorry.” He tried to get back to the borderline subspace he’d managed to find earlier, but his thoughts refused to cooperate.

“We’ll find it again, Nicholas.” We. Not you. The whimper escaped his throat as a wave of gratitude threatened to swallow him up. Kieran was saying he’d help.

“You’re overdressed. Correct that. You can stand.”

Clear and concise orders were exactly what he needed right now. Nicholas didn’t give himself time to glory in the freedom of being controlled. He pulled back and swayed to his feet, his body remembering the movements despite having had little practice the past… however long it had been. It didn’t matter, not in the face of following Kieran’s command.

Thank whichever god might be listening that his work didn’t require dress shirts. He didn’t think he could handle that many buttons. Now, he only had to tackle the one on his jeans after getting his jumper over his head, and manage to pull the zipper down without pinching himself. He did manage, if barely, only snagging a single hair and yanking it out in his haste to get rid of his clothes.

Once his clothes were in a quickly folded pile on the floor, he once more dropped to his knees before Kieran, who’d turned his chair around to watch. This time, however, Nicholas’ hands went almost automatically to the small of his back, and he slid his knees further apart than he’d done the previous time. Something about being naked in front of his master did that, made him need to present himself properly.

“Much better.” Nicholas allowed the pleasure of those words sweep over him as he closed his eyes. “Yes, you please me,” Kieran went on, obviously responding to what Nicholas’ scent told him. Another wave of pleasure. “You’re doing quite well, following my orders. As long as you focus on that, you stop second-guessing yourself, stop worrying about what I might or might not like.”

Kieran’s words wrapped themselves around him, tugged at that place inside him that wanted to become whatever Kieran preferred him to be. He should warn Kieran, but Kieran wasn’t asking him any questions and he wasn’t allowed to speak up if there wasn’t a question to be answered. He didn’t dare to look up into Kieran’s eyes, knowing he’d be drowning in them the moment he did. He felt as though he was already, just from the memory of them.

“It’s not your job to worry. Your job is to submit and obey.” It was. That was the only thing he needed to concern himself with. “You’re mine, all of you, and I will always protect you and take care of you. As long as you submit, you can forget your doubts, forget your fears. While you obey, there is no need to think about what you’re doing or why.”

Nicholas blinked slowly, feeling Kieran’s words settle somewhere deep inside him. It didn’t frighten him, because he didn’t need to be scared. Kieran would take care of him. He knew that, knew it in a way he’d never even hoped to know. He didn’t even worry about how this was the opposite of what Kieran should want. Kieran was telling him what he wanted Nicholas to be, and it was glorious.

“Never doubt that I want you, that it pleases me when you submit and obey.”

The legs in front of him parted and the sound of a zipper reached his ears. Drawn as if by a magnet, Nicholas raised his eyes until he was staring at Kieran’s cock, jutting out proudly from the open jeans. No underwear there either. Encouraging fingers on his head, applying minute pressure. Nicholas surged forward, opening his mouth. Kieran’s taste thrust its way into his mind with the force of an explosion. It was everywhere, and it was impossible to think anymore. All he could do was to mindlessly swallow down as much of the hard length as he could, until he couldn’t breathe anymore, until everything he knew was Kieran and that he needed to please Kieran.

The fingers suddenly tugged at his hair, pulling him away. He submitted to the silent order.

“It wouldn’t please me did you choke yourself to death, pup.”

No, no it wouldn’t. Kieran wanted him to breathe, so he breathed. Kieran’s scent turned pleased, the impression so much stronger with how close he was, and he could have come from the sheer pleasure of that. If he’d had permission to. He’d had that earlier today, but this Kieran was… more forceful, more dominant. It wasn’t the same at all. The tension of the grip in his hair relaxed, allowing him back. Needing to be closer, to show his master how eagerly he submitted, Nicholas swallowed Kieran’s cock down again to the hilt. This time he didn’t let himself get lost in the taste and scent. Didn’t forget he needed to breathe. Moaning at the impending loss and feeling the hard length twitch at the vibrations provided by the muffled sound, hearing Kieran’s soft exclamation, he slowly pulled back until he could draw breath once more. More of Kieran’s strong scent entered his system, marking his insides, his very lungs, as the alpha’s territory. It wasn’t a mark anyone would be able to tell, but it was raw and primal and so bloody right.

“Good pup,” Kieran groaned. Encouraged, Nicholas went down again. He worked his throat muscles around Kieran’s cock, every sound Kieran made being a reward better than a thousand orgasms. Kieran’s pleasure was the only important thing in his world, but then it was taken from him, the fingers in his hair pulling him away from it, until he couldn’t even keep the tip inside his mouth. “No,” Kieran told him, his hoarse voice making that one syllable so much harsher. “Stand up.”

Obeying the order would please Kieran. Nicholas didn’t even hesitate. He rose to his feet so quickly the grip in his hair tugged hard at him before it relaxed and vanished. Kieran’s chair was pushed back as he, too, stood.

The next order he got wasn’t verbal. It was Kieran’s hands on his body, pulling and pushing at him, bending him over the desk, pulling his hands back and pressing them to his own arse, spreading his cheeks. A vivid memory stood out of the last time he’d been bent over this very desk for a completely different reason, but the memory ceased to interest him as Kieran stepped in close and a slicked finger entered his hole.

This time he couldn’t tell Kieran it wasn’t necessary to prepare him. This time, he didn’t even want to. Kieran was doing what Kieran wanted to do. All Nicholas had to do was submit. So that’s what he did, closing his eyes and letting Kieran take full possession of his body. One finger became two, became three. He was vaguely aware of his own cock dripping onto the floor, staining it with his scent. It wasn’t important. He’d clean it up later, when Kieran was done with him.

The fingers vanished, leaving him empty and aching to be filled again. Kieran didn’t make him wait for long. Soon there was blunt pressure at his opening, but the preparation made his flesh submit as readily as his mind did, relaxing and letting Kieran’s cock slip inside where it belonged. Kieran’s fingers weren’t nearly as long as his cock, so there was still some discomfort to be cherished when it reached those parts of him that hadn’t been stretched and prepared.

“I want you fully marked, my come still seeping from you, when we change, proving without a doubt to the pack that you’re mine.” Nicholas was too lost in the pleasure of being allowed to serve Kieran with his body that he couldn’t even find it in him to moan as the words added another layer to it. Kieran was everywhere. In his mind, in his body, in the very core of him, and it couldn’t be more perfect.

“You’re not allowed to come,” Kieran said, his voice low with pleasure and dominance. “I want you hard and aching for me all night. I want to be able to smell your need for me, to know that even that is mine to control.”

Nicholas didn’t even question whether the prohibition on coming was just for tonight or forever. He didn’t care. Anything Kieran wanted, Nicholas would give to him, freely and without regrets. Just like he welcomed the fast and hard fucking Kieran gave him. With every slap of their balls, he could feel Kieran’s pulling up tighter and tighter, until they were no longer swinging against him.

Kieran stilled. Leaning over Nicholas, one hand on the desk to each side of his waist, he breathed heavily. He hadn’t come. His was still hard inside Nicholas, who imagined he could feel every one of Kieran’s heartbeats through it. He lay still under his master, soft and pliant against the alpha’s tense muscles. Kieran’s arousal slowly receded from the sharp edge of orgasm as first the seconds, then the minutes passed. Nicholas didn’t count. He was completely under Kieran’s control, his master’s will the only one that mattered in the world. In that moment, he was convinced that if he was ordered not to change under the full moon, he wouldn’t, incapable of disobeying an order.

Kieran started moving again, in short, controlled thrusts that teased and tantalised, giving the merest hint of what he was capable of. Nicholas enjoyed every second of it. His every sense was focused on his master, his mind and body merely a vessel for his master’s desire. He lost track of how many times Kieran paused to recover, the approaching moonrise seeming to heighten Nicholas’ sensitivity, pulling him further and further into subspace. When Kieran finally lost control over his thrusts and came deep inside of him, his scent rising up into a crescendo, Nicholas felt it as if it was his own. The pure enjoyment of having been the catalyst for Kieran’s pleasure, of knowing he’d managed to please his master… It was perfect.

Kieran’s breath was heavy in the back of his neck, each puff of hot air playing with his hair, tickling his skin, giving him a mere hint of what it could feel like to have teeth close on his skin, bite down and force him into submission. He shuddered with need, desperate for anything his master was willing to give him.

“Mine,” Kieran growled, drawing a delighted sigh from Nicholas’ lungs. Yes, he was Kieran’s. He’d always been, probably even before he’d even met the alpha. Kieran’s cheek rubbed against his shoulder blades, blunt teeth nipping at his skin. Nicholas lay still, gasping in and releasing one trembling breath after another as the light bites travelled down his spine. Kieran’s cock slipped out, the emptiness inside him only feeding his desire.

Kieran stood up, but Nicholas remained where he was. His hands were still holding his arse open. He wasn’t entirely sure how to move them. Kieran had placed them there, and the mere thought of breaking that command was incomprehensible. Cloth rustled behind him, but the sound simply existed somewhere in the background.

“Stand up.”

Nicholas obeyed, finally dropping his hands to his sides. Kieran didn’t seem to mind. Desperately needing to show his master how grateful he was for having been allowed to give Kieran such pleasure, he turned around. Eyes lowered, he slowly leaned in, tilting his head a little as he placed feather light kisses and licks along Kieran’s jaw and the corner of his mouth, whimpering gently. Kieran smelled content and pleased, but Nicholas didn’t push his luck, pulling back before the alpha’s scent could change to annoyance.

“Good omega,” Kieran murmured, reaching up to pull Nicholas’ head down before leaning closer as well and rubbing his cheek against Nicholas’ cheek. “ _Very_ good omega.” He took a step back, the sudden distance between them almost painful. Nicholas didn’t move. “You’ll be allowed to speak outside this house, but for now I still want you to be quiet when at home. Is this clear?”

Nicholas swallowed, struggling to shape the necessary sounds. “It is, Master,” he whispered hoarsely. It felt weird to speak, his voice too loud, the words tasting strange on his tongue.

“Good.” Nicholas could feel Kieran looking him up and down. A decisive grunt. “Good,” he repeated, before turning away. “With me.”

Nicholas stepped in behind Kieran, walking at heel with him to the door and out to the living room where the other wolves were waiting for them. He kept his eyes on the floor, but he could practically hear everyone’s nostrils flaring as they took in Kieran’s scent on him, in him, Nicholas’ scent on Kieran. He wasn’t sure if they were close enough to their wolf halves to pinpoint the latter to Kieran’s cock, but Nicholas’ proud erection and the trail of semen slowly making its way down the inside of his thighs spoke clearly what they all had to know already. Nicholas paid them little mind, still focused on his master leading the way out the back door. Out of habit, he began to hang back, used to being the last one out the door, but a low growl from Kieran made him scurry forward to catch up. He gave an apologetic glance to Donna as he passed her by, but didn’t really care what she thought of it. Kieran’s opinion was the only important one, and Kieran clearly wanted his mate to go with him.


	32. Chapter 32

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Took a little while longer to get this chapter right, and I'm still not completely happy with it, but it'll do.
> 
> **A word of warning:** Couldn't keep the rabbits apart, so this chapter does contain some wolf/wolf shenanigans and mentions of knotting. If that's not your cup of tea, you can probably skip safely to the end once they start getting intimate; I don't think there are any important plot details after that.

_Nicholas_

 

The moon rose, half covered behind heavy grey clouds but still stealing Nicholas’ breath away, reaching deep inside of him and dragging his wolf out by the scruff of its neck. Fur burst out of him, spreading all over his body like a warm, fuzzy blanket as he collapsed to all fours, landing on paws in the wet grass instead of on hands and knees. Shaking himself, he then lowered himself to his belly and crawled up to Kieran. His cock, poking out of its sheath, rubbed almost painfully good against the lawn; he paid it little mind, too busy focusing on offering his submission and respect. For a few glorious moments, Kieran towered over him, still in his human form, his skin glossy and slick from the rain that had started to sweep in at some point after Nicholas had come home. Then the alpha gave himself up to the change as well, dropping to his paws right in front of Nicholas.

Once Kieran had surveyed his pack and turned his attention to Nicholas, he cautiously reached up to lick at his alpha’s chin. “Alpha,” he whimpered, begging for whatever Kieran deigned to give him. Pleasure or abuse, it didn’t matter. As long as it made Kieran happy, he _needed_ to have it.

“Mate,” Kieran acknowledged. He nipped gently at Nicholas’ ear, then stepped past him. He didn’t smell displeased, so Nicholas didn’t worry that he’d done something wrong. If he had, Kieran would have told him. So he calmly shuffled around to follow Kieran with both eyes and ears.

Kieran didn’t stop. He continued past all the wolves in the back yard, until he reached the edge of the trees. He paused then, turned to look over his shoulder. A clear invitation. “Run with me,” his look said.

And they ran, following their alpha through the woods. It was a shorter run than last night, but once again they ended up in the clearing. When Nicholas emerged from the tree line, Kieran was waiting in the centre of the clearing, facing the rest of them as they fanned out in a half circle. The scent of heart’s blood still managed to cling to the grass despite the rain, day-old and pungent, managing to be both inviting and repellent at the same time. For a few minutes, Kieran simply looked at them, assessing them. His head and tail were held high, his ears pricked and alert.

“ _My_ pack,” Kieran said then as he looked at the wolves in front of him, pride foremost in his scent. No one disputed his claim, only gave their assent in various shades of emotions. “Last night,” Kieran went on a short while later, “a challenger was defeated and slain. Tonight, we mourn the loss of a pack member, one who has lived with us, hunted with us, protected us. He was like a brother to me from the time he came to this pack with his mother nineteen years ago. He’s been the same to many of you. But he was an alpha, and his ambition and pride couldn’t handle being second to anyone, even me.” He paused, his grief turning hard for a moment. “We do not mourn what he became, we do not blame ourselves for the path he chose. We mourn what he once was, what he had the potential to be.”

He raised his muzzle to the dark and cloudy sky, as did the rest of them, and began his low-pitched lament, pouring out his grief and regret in a wave that filled the entire clearing and washed over them all. One by one, they copied him, echoing his emotions to various degrees. Nicholas had never really known the James that Kieran was grieving, but it didn’t matter. He might not grieve for James, but he did grieve for Kieran’s heartache, for how things had turned out.

In a way, it felt as though the moon was weeping as well, offering her tears in the form of rain. It felt right, and it also felt safe. The rain would keep the sound from travelling too far, which otherwise could be a risk, even when they kept the volume down. Unlike their counterparts in wilder lands on the other side of the Atlantic, or even just over on the continent, the packs on the British Isles and Eire had learned over the past few centuries to be discreet, to keep their packs relatively small, to blend in with the human population as much as possible, to keep their songs muted and brief. They’d learned. Back then, they’d been forced to learn, or they would have been killed alongside the natural wolves. Now, even though people had even started to believe there’d never been wolves on the island, they still did it. The lesson had been hard, but it kept them alive and safe. Now, if they were discovered, they wouldn’t be killed. They would be locked up and studied. Cut open to see what made them different. Harvested to see if their immunity to diseases and rapid healing could be turned into expensive medicines.

All too soon, Kieran broke off, quickly followed by the rest of the pack. It wasn’t enough to ease the weight of loss even halfway, but it would have to do. Any more than that, and it would be too difficult to hold back, too tempting to let the sound echo against the sky and reach the ears of the very gods themselves, not to mention the closest packs on the island. It would also, unfortunately, let every neighbour within a few kilometres know that something was up. One or two wolves howling _could_ be attributed to the various farm dogs that lived in the area, as long as no one actually made an effort to figure out which ones, but a whole pack? No.

For another space of time they sat in silence, sharing the remaining, unspoken pain. Then Kieran stood up, shook his fur out, and took a deep breath. “Our pack brother is gone, but we are alive. What better way to celebrate life than to hunt together?”

Hunt. Nicholas knew he wouldn’t be of much use; omegas were traditionally not taught the skill, considered too sensitive, too mild-mannered and too weak for such tasks. Yet he couldn’t help but look forward to it. The scent of a fresh kill, the pure pleasure in Kieran’s scent as he bit into the soft belly of the downed prey. He needed that. Needed it with a desperation.

Kieran’s attention once more wandered the ranks, before settling on one particular wolf. “Peter. Stick with our omegas and protect them with your life.”

It was a good choice, but then again any choice Kieran made would have been good. While a gamma, Peter was strong and confident, fully capable of protecting them. Normally, Samantha wouldn’t need any protection, but right now, she was bound to the status of an omega, with all that entailed. It must have galled her not to be allowed to actually join in on the hunt, but she made no overt sign of it as she slunk over to sit next to Peter. Nicholas did the same. As much as it was Peter’s job to keep track of them, it was also their job to make it as easy for him as possible.

Kieran led the rest of the pack into the woods, leaving only Peter, Samantha and Nicholas in the clearing. They’d follow at a more leisurely pace in a bit.

Peter licked his nose, shifted slightly where he sat. He turned his head slightly to fix Nicholas with one eye. “Didn’t get enough earlier?” he asked, glancing pointedly at Nicholas’ erection, shining red against the pale fur of his belly.

Nicholas let out a mournful whimper. “There is no ‘enough’,” he admitted. He’d never get enough of Kieran. It didn’t matter, because that was how Kieran liked it. A very small part of him knew that things would likely change once the full moon’s influence waned, but he couldn’t find it in himself to worry over that. Because both the other wolves knew about the scene, he added, “He wants me to need him.” He shuddered with pleasure at that thought. Kieran wanted something from him, something he was able to offer up.

Peter huffed, a sound of understanding humour rather than derision. “Just make sure it doesn’t interfere.”

Nicholas crouched down further, bending his front legs to bring him closer to the ground. “Of course not, gamma,” he promised. He almost panted with relief as Peter’s pleased scent reached him.

“It should be time to go now,” Samantha announced, then seemed to make an effort to make it a question. “Shouldn’t it?”

For a moment, Peter’s hindquarters twitched with what had to be an instinctive move to obey a beta. Then his body relaxed while his scent filled with humiliation and anger and determination. He didn’t look back at Samantha, only raised his nose slightly to inhale the night air. “Soon,” he judged.

Nicholas didn’t know what told the higher ranked wolves when it was time to follow the hunters’ trail, but even to his untrained senses it seemed obvious that Peter was only delaying to not make it obvious that Samantha had been correct, to make the decision to move forward _his_ instead of hers. The dynamic between them had faltered with her failure to adhere to her new role in the pack, no matter how momentary it had been. Determined to make it easier for Peter, he pressed his belly to the ground, keeping his senses trained on the gamma. He refused to give any sign that he’d even _think_ about listening to her more than him. Peter was the one Kieran had set in charge. Nicholas knew that. Nicholas trusted Peter to do the job he’d been set to do. He looked up at the mostly grey wolf with complete faith, making no attempt to hide it.

For a few seconds, Peter remained stiff and awkward, before his demeanour gradually softened, appreciation for Nicholas’ obedience shining through. He rose to all fours and took a few steps forward. Samantha and Nicholas followed suit. “It’s time,” Peter stated.

It was difficult not to pay some attention to where they went, even if Nicholas kept most of it on Peter, on trotting after the gamma and trusting him to lead the way. It was impossible not to think about the fact that they were going toward Kieran, that Nicholas would be able to lay eyes on him again – as long as Kieran wasn’t looking back, of course; it wouldn’t do to meet his alpha’s gaze – that Nicholas would be able to scent him again. But he’d promised it wouldn’t interfere, so he didn’t let it. He turned his need inwards, let it burn inside of him until he was _sure_ he’d stumble and fall. He never did.

The wind changed, then, and the scent of the pack reached him, closely followed by that of fresh blood. His step faltered just a little as his senses honed in on just one scent in all of that. Kieran, safe and healthy and proud. Peter slowed down further as they came closer; by the time the rest of the pack came into view, circled around the felled Sika doe, they were walking.

“You’re late,” was the first thing they were told, Kieran looking up from where he’d just started in on the doe. At the disapproval in Kieran’s scent, Nicholas dropped to his belly, feeling the need to please his alpha grow even stronger. He vaguely noticed Samantha copying his move. Even Peter lowered his head and tail in submission.

Just as Peter started to apologise for his inexperience, Samantha crawled forward just a few centimetres. “It’s my fault, pack leader,” she admitted, begging forgiveness.

Kieran stared at them for close to half a minute. Then he relaxed. “The omegas are safe. Thank you, Peter.” He didn’t address the matter of their lateness again, only turned back to his meal, shifting to the side to allow Donna to join him. The scent made Nicholas’ mouth water and his belly growl, but he stayed where he lay. He’d have a chance to eat when the others were done. Until then, he got to watch Kieran tear bites from the red meat and eagerly gulp them down, for the first time without having to pretend it was the meat he was focused on.

Kieran finally backed off to make space for all the betas, but his mouth wasn’t empty as he raised his head. Holding a large chunk of dripping meat, he trotted over to where Peter was still waiting with Nicholas and Samantha. He put it down on the ground in front of Nicholas’ nose. A natural wolf wouldn’t have done that. Would probably not even have figured out how to, even if the thought had occurred to one.

“Eat, my mate,” Kieran urged, leaning in to bury his nose in Nicholas’ neck, inhaling deeply.

How could Nicholas refuse? It wasn’t as if he knew how being an alpha’s mate would affect protocol, and even if it didn’t affect it at all, Kieran had said he’d never be punished for obeying an order, even if it meant going against protocol. Even if he knew he’d be punished later, he’d still have obeyed. So he eagerly ate the meat that was far better than anything that would normally be left by the time it was his turn. He savoured it, offered up to Kieran his gratitude and pleasure and need to please.

He never noticed the other two wolves leaving, heading off toward the felled deer to wait their turn. He only noticed when he was done that they were no longer there. The only one there was Kieran, sitting down in front of him. Licking his own muzzle, both to clean himself and out of nervousness, he glanced up at Kieran.

“Mine to take care of,” Kieran said quietly, pride everywhere in his scent and posture. But it wasn’t, Nicholas realised, a pride rooted in Kieran’s own accomplishments. No, it was the kind of surprised pride that said, ‘This is what happened, and I have no idea how I came out on top, but I did.’ The kind of pride that said, ‘This wolf allows me to own him, and he wouldn’t do that unless he trusted me.’ The kind of pride an alpha would feel about his mate. The kind of pride a Dom would take in his sub.

What could he do, other than roll over onto his back and bare his throat to him? “Yours, always,” he whimpered, very carefully not covering his crotch with his tail. Kieran didn’t want him to hide it. “Need you, alpha/mate/Master,” his body begged, the different titles merging into one single sense of acceptance of Kieran’s absolute dominance over him.

Kieran rose. For a few moments, Nicholas felt the sharp hand of despair clenching down on his heart. But Kieran didn’t turn and walk away, leaving him there. No, Kieran stepped over him until Nicholas was looking up at the tip of Kieran’s cock poking its head out of its sheath. Once he’d seen it, he couldn’t look away. His mouth watered far worse than it had at the scent of the deer. His jaws fell open as he panted in desperation, needing to reach up and taste it but unable to make himself move.

Pleasure exploded in his world. He jerked, then settled back onto the ground with a shudder. Kieran liked his reaction. There was no way he would have missed it with his eyes locked on the alpha’s burgeoning erection as it emerged a little bit further. No way he could have missed it with his nose not even half a metre away from Kieran’s body and all of his scent hanging around him like a cloud.

Again it happened, and this time Nicholas could place its source even as he shuddered beneath his alpha. Kieran’s tongue travelled along Nicholas’ length, at the same time both tasting and smelling his desire and stoking the fire to greater heights. Nicholas whimpered helplessly, knowing he was spewing pre-come all over his belly, matting his fur, and that he’d need to focus to prevent himself from letting it become more than that.

“Follow,” Kieran ordered quietly, continuing moving forward. Nicholas couldn’t move at first, his eyes glued to the half of Kieran’s shaft that was visible until the alpha’s heavy balls interfered with his line of sight. Fortunately, that was about the same time that Kieran wasn’t standing over him anymore. Even if he’d been able to, it wouldn’t have been either proper or practical to move before that. Now he rolled over onto his belly and pushed himself off the ground, slinking after Kieran as they moved away from the rest of the pack.

Kieran stopped shortly after Nicholas could no longer hear the sounds of the deer being eaten apart from the occasional crack of a bone. Nicholas came to a stop behind him. Kieran turned around, and Nicholas lowered his gaze to the ground, hunched his shoulders to make himself just a little bit smaller. He whined softly as Kieran started to circle him, folded his tail to the side to make it even more clear he was willing. It was a relief not to have to worry about whether or not Kieran wanted him to display himself that way. He wasn’t trying to force Kieran to do anything. If Kieran wanted him, he was there. If Kieran didn’t want him, he was still there, willing to do whatever Kieran wanted him to. Willing to _be_ whatever Kieran wanted him to be.

Kieran’s nose touched his rump, slid in beneath the root of his tail in a way Nicholas had never experienced since he was a young pup, still in his baby fur. Omegas weren’t scented that way. He’d been mounted before, but no one had ever taken any interest in sniffing him. He stood perfectly still, allowing Kieran to do anything he wanted. Then his legs nearly buckled as warm wetness swiped across his presented hole. He whimpered, wishing there was something he could do to make it even more obvious how willing he was. There wasn’t, not really, but he tried to push his tail aside further, until its root ached with the strain.

Kieran backed off, the damp night air kissing his wet fur and chilling him. Another whine crawled out of his throat. He had no idea if Kieran had planned that, but it couldn’t have felt better if he’d used ice cubes to play with Nicholas’ sensations.

He wasn’t left alone for long. Kieran reared up behind him, and then there was a warm weight on his back. Nicholas bent his hind legs a little to make it easier for his alpha, shivered as the tip of Kieran’s cock slid against him several times before eventually, finally, hitting the mark and slipping inside. Kieran froze for a few heartbeats before his front legs tensed against Nicholas’ hips and he pushed his hips forward, sliding in all the way and stretching Nicholas’ hole to its limits. Nicholas welcomed every sensation as Kieran thrust in and out of him at a pace only lupine hips could handle.

It was strange, being mounted like this without half the pack watching and waiting for their turn, some having attempted to go for it even before Ethan’s knot had gone down enough to slip out. This felt… more intimate. Kieran confirming his statement that Nicholas would be for _his_ use only by taking him away from anyone else who might be tempted. He was wanted. He was desired. He was Kieran’s.

He felt the swell of Kieran’s knot press up against him with each shallow thrust, his own following suit in sympathy. Preparing himself for it, he focused and made his muscles relax further. “Yes,” his body said loudly. “Yes, I want it.” He’d never wanted it this desperately before, never needed this badly to be claimed and owned.

It didn’t happen. There was no stab of pain, no forced stretching of Kieran pushing even deeper inside. For a brief moment, Nicholas wondered if Kieran would wait until it was almost impossible. Then he wondered if there was something wrong with him, something that made him unworthy of it. Then he relaxed, his mind and heart telling him it didn’t matter. Whatever Kieran wanted, he would have. It wasn’t Nicholas’ job to worry about it.

“I’m not going to hurt you,” Kieran growled, his body tense, his hips still moving.

“I want you to,” Nicholas responded before he could stop himself. He wasn’t sure he _could_ have stopped himself. Wolf bodies were far more honest than human ones.

“No. It’s not happening.”

Nicholas dipped his head in acceptance, acknowledging that it was Kieran’s choice, not his. He couldn’t even bring himself to be ashamed of his request; it had been honest, and Kieran wanted his honesty. He only had to offer all of himself up, and then leave it to Kieran to decide what to do about it. Yes, he thought, whimpering with gratitude, that was how it was supposed to be. Tensing his muscles, he clamped down on Kieran as much as he could, providing him with a tighter channel. Kieran’s pleasure soared, and Nicholas’ heart followed.

Without the pressure around his knot, it likely took Kieran longer to climax, which gave Nicholas longer to enjoy servicing his alpha. Now and then, Kieran brushed past his prostate, sending lightning through his body. Nicholas accepted those the same way he accepted everything else Kieran gave him. They weren’t important, not the way Kieran’s pleasure was important.

Then, at the same time all too soon and not soon enough, Kieran stiffened. His hips jerked in tiny movements as he spilled his seed into Nicholas. Only the knowledge that Kieran didn’t want him to kept Nicholas from joining him. Again, Nicholas found himself wishing Kieran had chosen to tie with him. That way, he’d get to feel Kieran inside of him for a lot longer, feel Kieran’s complete control over his body. Instead, Kieran barely stayed on top of him for at the most five minutes before backing off, letting his cock slip out. Nicholas tried not to whimper at how empty that made him feel.

“It is that important to you?”

Kieran’s question took him by surprise. He looked away in shame for a moment, regretting not having been able to push down his own desires… No, he corrected himself. Kieran _wanted_ him to need. But Kieran had also told him a very firm no. What did Kieran want from him? The truth, of course. Kieran had said he’d always want the truth, even if it was an uncomfortable one. “I need all of you, my alpha,” he admitted honestly. “I don’t expect anything. It’s not as important as pleasing you.”

Kieran considered that for a while. “But it’s something you wish I wanted.”

It wasn’t exactly a question, but it required an answer nonetheless. “It would make me feel even more yours. It would make me feel… owned, controlled, loved…” A small thrill of fear ran through him at that last admission. He didn’t want to hide the truth, that he loved Kieran, that he had loved him for a long time now, but it was still scary to admit it out loud. What if Kieran laughed at him for it? He let himself think about that. If Kieran laughed at him… then Kieran laughed at him. It wouldn’t change anything. He’d still belong to Kieran and he’d still be Kieran’s mate. And he would have made Kieran laugh, which wasn’t a completely bad thing.

Kieran didn’t laugh. There was no amusement as the smaller but more muscular wolf pressed himself tightly against Nicholas’ body, as he gently nuzzled him before resting his head on Nicholas’ shoulders. “I will consider it.”

Nicholas nodded his acceptance. That was all he could ask. More than he could ask. He blinked as the pressure against his side increased, but didn’t protest as Kieran brought him down to the ground, tipping him over and pushing him down. Welcomed it when Kieran dropped down practically on top of him. Whined pitifully when Kieran’s tail slid in beneath his belly and tickled his erection. Night, but he needed Kieran. Not to get him off, no. Never that. He needed Kieran simply because he needed him. Desperate for anything his alpha was willing to give him, even when what he was given did nothing but increase his desperation.

Kieran panted in satisfaction, clearly pleased with Nicholas’ response. Nicholas could scent his slowly rising arousal, and he knew it probably wouldn’t be long until Kieran would take him again. If he wanted to. Normally, Nicholas wouldn’t have doubted that arousal meant sex was forthcoming, but Kieran was… different. Whether it came from an unwillingness to give in to instinct or a need to be in control and consider all the consequences, the result was the same. Kieran didn’t always follow impulses like that, seemed almost as good at pushing aside what he wanted for what needed to be done as Nicholas was.

Whimpering his willingness to go along with whatever Kieran wanted, he rolled just a little bit further onto his back, spreading his hind legs and tilting his head back and to the side. If he’d been a natural wolf, his tail would have rested between his legs, demurely covering himself. He wasn’t a natural wolf, and Kieran had told him how much he’d enjoy Nicholas’ need, so he wrapped his tail around the inside of his leg instead. It was still, technically, between his legs, but it hid nothing. Kieran’s satisfaction grew stronger as he took advantage of Nicholas’ submission, leaning in and letting his nose wander everywhere he wanted. There were no fleas or scabs to warrant the frequent application of teeth to his fur but instead of feeling like a mockery of grooming, each touch, each scrape of canines against the soft skin beneath the fur only served to heighten his arousal and need. Kieran’s body against his was hot, his breath against Nicholas’ fur was even hotter, and even the cool drizzle wasn’t enough to soothe the fires inside of him.


	33. Chapter 33

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks to Angelcake, I've ended up placing the pack a little more firmly instead of leaving it as just a vague location. Not that I've put much of that in text, but it helps me to at least have a map of where things are when I write.  
> I've also realised that there are very few places on Earth where an alcohol shop counts as takeaway. Ireland clearly is one, [according to Google maps](http://i.imgur.com/cjM5Bno.png).

_Kieran_

 

Shortly after sunrise, Kieran gathered up his pack and led them back toward the house. He was clearly not the only one who’d seen fit to celebrate life in the best way possible; Donna and Charlie were heavy with each other’s scent, and while there’d been no actual penetration between Mathias and Aidan, it was obvious that they’d been more intimate than they’d ever been before. He’d need to talk to them, make sure they made things official, because clearly they didn’t quite dare bring up the subject with him.

The rain had ceased several hours ago, but the air was still damp, the sky almost completely grey with clouds. Had they not _known_ , deep inside their hearts, where the moon was, they wouldn’t have been able to tell. They didn’t need to see it to know it was close to the horizon, their human sides starting to make themselves known. Kieran completely ignored his; he’d feel like shit about it later on, but right now he didn’t want to deal with his doubts and worries. He _liked_ not second-guessing himself at every other step, _liked_ being able to give Nicholas the firm leadership the omega needed. He glanced back at his pack. The leadership _all_ of them needed.

The pack had been more relaxed tonight than he’d seen them in a long time. Last night wasn’t a good measure, since it hadn’t been a typical full moon night, but tonight was closer to how things usually would go. Except there’d been less stress, less mock fighting, less of everyone going their separate ways and ignoring each other for the most part of the night. Of course, there’d still been some of that, but not nearly to the same degree, and most of them had stayed relatively close even when seeking out some privacy.

Making sure that everyone was well and safe, he took a few minutes to re-establish the pack scent, marking everyone and taking their scents onto him. It didn’t make sense, from a scientific point of view, but for some reason there was always a remnant of that shared scent with them all. A base tone of being part of the same whole. It wasn’t that they all smelled of him or that he smelled of them, either, which would have made slightly more sense. It was just a vague _something_ that made it obvious to another werewolf that they were all part of this particular pack, that they _belonged_.

The moon slipped away, stealing their fur with her, leaving them suddenly naked on the wet grass, shivering with exhaustion and that bone-deep cold that always came after the change was over and done. One was never quite prepared for the lack of insulation, despite having been bare to the weather at the start of the night. Perhaps next month it was time to move the actual changing indoors for the winter?

Staggering toward the back door, he opened it with a hand that was still slightly confused about the concept of fingers. Stepping inside was like walking into a wall, the heat smacking him in the face. It seeped into his muscles, making him feel alive once more. At the same time, it also made him long for bed and sleep. He mentally shook his head as he began to cross the living room, the others joining him inside with the last wolf through the door closing it behind them. There would be no talking before bed this time. There was no _need_ for talking. Everything that needed to be said had been said yesterday, and in less than four hours they both needed to be up to head off to work, no matter how little they might like it. No, wait, make that less than three hours. Fortunately neither of them had a long day to work. And then… Then it was time to deal with the result of that damn notepad.

He bit back the urge to sigh. Maybe it would have been better to wait until after the full moon, like he’d told Samantha to do yesterday when she’d come by to ask his permission to go to Devotion to see Neassa. It would probably have been the smarter thing to do. But he’d told Nicholas it’d be today, so today it was. Maybe he could catch a nap between his two classes today? Just to make sure his concentration didn’t falter during the punishment. He did _not_ want to make Aindriú doubt his commitment to this whole thing, to being Nicholas’ master. And he certainly didn’t want Nicholas to think he wasn’t able to do it.

This time, Nicholas didn’t need to be told to follow him. There was only a moment’s hesitation before he fell in right behind Kieran, not long enough to make Kieran think he was considering going upstairs instead. Good. Seemed he was starting to learn something, even if Kieran couldn’t quite think clearly enough right now to figure out what that ‘something’ was supposed to be. Nicholas followed him through his bedroom door, and to the bed, but when Kieran collapsed down onto the covers and started to shuffle in underneath them, it took Kieran a few seconds to realise Nicholas was… waiting for something.

“What’s wrong?” he asked, barely managing to keep his voice under control. Nicholas still flinched as though Kieran had snapped at his nose.

Nicholas swallowed. “You… you said ‘tomorrow,’ didn’t you, Master?”

Oh, for fuck’s sake. “It’s half seven and we need to be up by ten or shortly after. It sure will be ‘tomorrow’ after work, too.”

Nicholas drew in a deep breath, then nodded. “I’m sorry, Master.”

“Don’t be sorry,” Kieran grumbled. “Be in bed and asleep.”

Wisely, Nicholas didn’t say anything else, only went around the bed and crawled into it on the other side, cautiously sliding closer to Kieran until he was curled up right next to him. Kieran put an arm around his omega and buried his nose in the back of his neck. His eyes fell closed and the world drifted away into a fog.

A buzzing noise grated somewhere in the background. He growled at it, but it kept going. The warm and up until then pliant body in front of him, however, stiffened. There was a whimper and an apologetic scent that called him back to the world far more effectively than the buzzing did.

Groaning, he turned over on his other side and fumbled for his alarm, finally managing to hit the snooze button on it. It made the noise stop, but there was still a frightened omega in his bed, who’d been woken up by a more dominant wolf growling in his ear.

Crawling over Nicholas’ body, he took in the tense look around his eyes, the way he very carefully didn’t move a single muscle of his own volition. The wolf inside of him responded to the fear and submission, made him push his mate down onto his back, press him down into the mattress. Two things happened at once. Nicholas’ eyes opened very wide, the pupils rapidly widening until they covered more than half of the green colour, and a note of arousal crept its way into his scent. Despite the fear, or quite possibly because of it, being manhandled – wolfhandled? – like this clearly turned Nicholas on. Nicholas’ head tipped backwards, his throat stretching taut. With one hand, Kieran tilted it back so he could capture those lips in a very thorough good morning kiss.

“No time for more than that,” he said breathlessly a good half-minute later. “And as much as I hate it, we both need to shower before work.”

Climbing off the omega and the bed, he just barely remembered to turn off the alarm properly before he headed off into the bathroom, every step more difficult than the last. Everything in him screamed at him to run back and claim his mate once more, even when he knew he probably didn’t have another orgasm in him after how many times they’d been at it during the night. Maybe that helped explaining how dead tired he’d been.

 _Note to self, don’t spend all night fucking when you need to_ do _things the next day_ , he thought to himself as he let the hot water flow over him and wash away most of the evidence of last night’s activities. He didn’t take more than maybe ten minutes at the most before he got out and towelled himself dry. Hanging up the towel, he headed back into his bedroom to tell Nicholas it was his turn.

He stopped short in the doorway, his mouth falling open and his cock twitching to life. There were clothes laid out on the bed, and on the rug next to the bed knelt a still naked wolf, his knees apart and his head bowed, hands resting calmly on his thighs. He heard Nicholas’ intake of breath and how his heartbeat sped up, but the omega didn’t move.

Kieran didn’t move either. He couldn’t. It felt as if any movement would destroy the picture in front of him, would somehow ruin the beauty of it. Seeing it like this, it was impossible to pretend that he didn’t like at least _some_ parts of this BDSM culture of Nicholas’. He closed his mouth again, mostly to prevent himself from drooling. Swallowing down the excess saliva, he just stared at his mate, his sub. Nicholas remained still, but his scent grew tense and nervous. That wouldn’t do.

Finally jerking himself into movement, Kieran stalked over to Nicholas. There was no better word for it, really. Stopping in front of the omega, he looked down for a few seconds before he tore his gaze away and studied the clothes on the bed. They were, he realised, the kind he usually wore to work.

“What prompted you to do this?”

“I thought to spare you some time, and I didn’t manage to think of something better to do while I waited, Master.” There was no hesitation in Nicholas’ answer, no anxiety that maybe Kieran wouldn’t like it, that maybe he’d done the wrong thing. That, more than anything, was a relief.

“Thank you, pup. You can go shower.” Had Nicholas seen that his clothes had been brought down from the guest bedroom he’d used since he’d joined the pack? He had to have seen it, if he’d gone into Kieran’s closet.

Nicholas started to look up, started to rise. Then he seemed to freeze. Kieran looked down, and discovered Nicholas’ face barely half a metre away from Kieran’s crotch, his eyes fastened on the half-hearted erection there. The thought of Nicholas’ mouth on his cock made it rise just a little bit more.

“Shower,” he reminded the omega before either of them had a chance to get distracted and decide a blowjob would be a much better way to spend what little time they had before they had to leave. Thankfully, Nicholas obeyed without further hesitation, leaving Kieran to curse himself for not taking advantage of the situation and work for forcing them to do anything other than curl up in bed together and just enjoy the day. By the time he’d exhausted every curse he could remember – and a few he made up on the spot – his cock had softened enough to enable him to get dressed without automatically tenting his trousers.

To save time, he picked out clothes for Nicholas in return, choosing black jeans and a grey long-sleeved t-shirt he knew was tight enough on Nicholas’ torso to show off that he wasn’t quite as rawny as he looked at first glance. Clothes that wouldn’t raise Nicholas’ suspicions too much or be too fancy to work in, but at the same time ones that wouldn’t look too much out of place at Devotion. Not that he’d be wearing them for long. Placing them on the bed where Nicholas had put Kieran’s, he then headed out to the kitchen to scrounge up something for the both of them to eat. They’d need to stock up on calories to replace what the change and the night’s strenuous activity had eaten up. The deer they’d felled hadn’t been that impressive when thirteen wolves wanted to eat.

Nicholas came out hesitantly, his hair still wet and tangled. He’d dressed in the clothes Kieran had picked for him, and he looked good enough to eat.

“Perfect timing,” Kieran said, putting down two plates with what had been intended to be omelettes but ended up looking more like scrambled eggs with ham and sausages mixed in. “Breakfast’s done, and I didn’t even burn down the kitchen in the process.” He sat down in front of one of them.

Nicholas approached him, but hesitated. He glanced at the other plate on the kitchen island, then down at the floor. It didn’t take a psychiatrist to figure out what he wanted.

“Go ahead. I don’t mind.”

Nicholas nodded, relaxing slightly as he took the plate off the table and stepped around to Kieran’s other side, where he fluidly sank down onto the floor and set the plate down in front of him. Kieran had intended the permission as a politeness, wanting to indulge Nicholas despite his own unease, but to his surprise he found that it was true. Nicholas knelt on the floor next to his bar stool, fully intending to eat from the plate on the floor, only waiting for Kieran to start, and it didn’t really bother Kieran that he did. He knew it was most likely just a residue from the simplicity of the wolf inside him, but right then he was bloody grateful that it was there.

“I’ll make things simple today,” he commented, scooping up a bit of the mess on his own plate onto his fork. “I’m going to give you a ride to work, and when you’re done I want you to wait for me to come pick you up again.” Nicholas’ shoulders tensed, but the omega didn’t say anything. “I’m not planning on waiting for you to walk home. Not today.” They had enough to do as it was.

“I understand, Master,” Nicholas whispered softly.

Did he? He probably thought he did, at least. Kieran doubted he even suspected what Kieran had planned, but he wasn’t about to reveal his surprise. Let Nicholas think the punishment would take place here at home if he wanted to.

Breakfast done, he collected his briefcase from his office, checking one extra time to make sure every single essay was in there. Nicholas was waiting by the door, shoes and jacket on already. The ride was quiet. Kieran was trying to focus on work, rather than what would happen after it, and Nicholas… Nicholas either didn’t want to disturb him or was busy with his own thoughts, Kieran guessed.

“Thank you, Master,” Nicholas said softly as Kieran pulled up outside the storage facility where he worked.

“You’re welcome. I’ll be here some time after half four.”

“Half four, Master. I’ll be waiting.” He got out and strode off. Kieran sat there for a few seconds, marvelling at how Nicholas’ body language shifted, his gait growing more confident and relaxed. Not to the degree he’d seen that night at Devotion, but… The difference was clear. At work, he wasn’t an omega, willing to please those around him.

Did the others do something similar? Did he himself do it? He frowned thoughtfully. There was a difference in how he acted in the class room compared to home, of course, but he still expected the students to respect his authority, he still was the one in charge.

Shaking his head in an attempt to clear it of thoughts of his pack in favour of his students, he drove the just over half a kilometre to the school. Time to focus on parts of biology that didn’t include his urge to turn around and take Nicholas back home right away.

Somehow, he managed to make it through his classes with his sanity intact and without acting much differently than he usually did. No traumatised teenagers, no pointed remarks from his human colleagues, not even regarding the amount of food he ate during lunch. He even managed to squeeze in a forty-five minute nap in between that and his last class for the day.

By the time he pulled into the parking lot outside Nicholas’ workplace, the omega was already there. Kieran frowned. So was another man, and he was standing far too close to Nicholas for Kieran’s comfort. Their lips moved, and Kieran rolled down his window just a smidge to be able to hear them as he slowed down.

“…when you said a ‘friend’ was picking you up, you actually meant that,” the stranger said, humour evident in his voice.

“Of course,” Nicholas responded calmly. “Why would I lie about it?”

“Thought you meant a _lady_ friend, like. You know, the one who  robbed your wits.”

Nicholas didn’t offer a verbal response to that, not at first. Instead he just chuckled and shook his head. “And you thought you’d offer to ‘keep me company’ in order to have a gawk at her? Or did they set you up for it? You better not have any money riding on it, you dope.”

“Maybe just a bit, like.” The stranger leaned even closer, making Kieran grit his teeth. “Go on, you can tell me. She’s _got_ to be a fine thing, no?”

Part of him wished Nicholas would just tell the human the truth, that there was no woman in the picture but a man. But the main part of him knew that humans were a lot more hung up on sexuality than wolves were, probably because they couldn’t immediately scent someone’s interest. If Nicholas didn’t think the humans he worked with would be comfortable knowing he was involved with a man, then Kieran could, reluctantly, accept that.

He came to a complete stop a few metres away. Nicholas just smiled at the human and took one step toward the car. “I’ll see you Monday, Keith.”

“Oh, come _on_ , Nick… Tell me this and tell me no more, be a good lad.”

Kieran cleared his throat, knowing the open window would enable Nicholas to hear it, even if he was on the other side of the car. Nicholas’ head snapped to face him as if he’d honked his horn instead.

“Sorry, Keith, don’t want my ride to take off on me.” With that, he hurried to get into the car.

To his credit, the human took it in good stride. He sighed and shook his head, raising his hand in a half-hearted wave. “See you Monday, then,” was all he said before Nicholas closed the door.

As soon as they started rolling again, Nicholas entire demeanour reverted to his normal, his posture softening. “I’m sorry for taking so long, Master,” he apologised.

Kieran shrugged and smiled a little as he rolled his window up again. “Humans,” he said, acknowledging that there wasn’t much Nicholas could have done about it. It was, they both knew, vital to keep up good relations with the humans you spent a lot of time around. He came to a stop at the parking lot exit and looked over at his omega. “Now, before I go much further, there are two things I want from you.”

“Anything, Master,” Nicholas offered, entirely sincerely. Kieran had no doubt that if one of those things was ‘get naked and run back to give that human a snog,’ Nicholas would do it.

“First of all… Can you give up control of actual physical senses to me?” If it wasn’t possible, he had a peppermint oil to overload Nicholas’ sense of smell with, but that wouldn’t be as easy to get rid of and it wouldn’t only affect Nicholas.

Nicholas blinked, his scent confused. “Master?”

“By…” What term had Charlie said Nicholas had used? “By ordering you, can I make you incapable of using one or more of your senses?”

Nicholas seemed to think about it, and Kieran waited. “I think so, Master,” he finally offered. Taking a deep breath, he looked up from his lap and met Kieran’s gaze. Kieran could hear his heart slow down just a little bit further.

Waiting another second or two, just to be on the safe side, Kieran then spoke up. “Until I give you leave, I don’t want you to scent _anything_. I want you to be more nose-blind than the worst of humans.” Nicholas’ heartbeat sped up and a spike of panic entered his scent. “Can you do that?”

“I can, Master,” Nicholas whimpered. “I am.”

“Good. Now close your eyes, and keep them closed until I tell you otherwise.”

Nicholas immediately complied, shivering where he sat. While his panic had subsided, it hadn’t gone away entirely. Instead it had settled into a more constant worry and fear. Of the unknown, Kieran guessed.

“Can… Can I ask why, Master?”

Checking to make sure he wouldn’t hit anyone, Kieran turned right down the road instead of left, the way he’d usually go when heading back home. Nicholas tensed up.

“You can, but I’m not going to answer. All you have to do is focus on obeying me.”

Nicholas took a few deep breaths, though they seemed to do little to ease his mind. He nodded. “It’s… scary, Master, but I trust you.”

In an attempt to test how well it had worked, Kieran made himself think about Nicholas’ old pack, of everything Nicholas had told him they’d done to him, of everything Kieran’s mind had conjured up that was even worse. His hands tightened on the wheel and he just barely kept himself from grinding his teeth as fury coursed through him.

Nicholas didn’t react with anything other than a slight frown as he cocked his head to the side. Listening to Kieran’s heartbeat. “Is anything wrong, Master?” he asked cautiously. None of the fear and desperation to please that he’d given off any other time Kieran was upset or angry, just a faint awareness of something being off, plus a hint of frustration. The order had been effective; there was no way Nicholas would have been able to remain even that calm with Kieran’s angry scent in his nose.

Kieran took a deep breath and reminded himself that Nicholas was his now, that no one else would ever be allowed to lay a hand on him. “It’s all grand, pup,” he said gently, but as they got to the N20, he still had to force himself to turn south instead of north.

Again, Nicholas frowned, though this time it was more likely due to him trying to place the sound of the traffic and guess where they were going.

Kieran chuckled, making Nicholas first stiffen in his seat and then relax into a bubble of contentment. “Stop trying to figure it out, Nicholas. You’ll find out when I want you to find out.”

Nicholas nodded, managing to relax even further. “I’ll be good, Master,” he promised.

Kieran smiled, imagining Nicholas’ reaction once he found out where they’d ended up. “I know you will be,” he said. Knowing the omega couldn’t scent how pleased he was either, he reached out with one hand and stroked one smooth cheek. Another quirk of male omegas; practically no facial hair. Unlike Kieran, Nicholas didn’t really need to shave at all. Nicholas leaned into his touch, his tongue darting out to taste Kieran’s skin. “I know you will be,” Kieran repeated gently.


	34. Chapter 34

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Again, sorry about the delay. I had this one scene from a sequel (and not even the next in line!) that demanded to be put down on paper, and it stole my attention for a little while. Then, I wanted all the details right in this chapter, and I'm still not entirely sure I do xD But if I waited until I was 100% content with a chapter before I posted it, this story would still be sitting at less than ten chapters, so I have to restrain my nitpicking urges and let it go at some point, right?
> 
> I hope I've managed to catch all the errors. If not, please let me know, okay? ^^;

_Nicholas_

 

Being left with only one sense with which to tell where they were was frightening. Vision was one thing; he’d been blindfolded before. But scent? It was such an integral part to a wolf, even in human form. This was the first time in his life that he hadn’t been able to smell anything. Not Kieran, not himself, not even the usually overwhelming smell of petrol and rubber and metal that came with being in a car in traffic. It took all of Nicholas’ effort to remain calm and not worry about where they were heading. Kieran had said not to.

He’d noticed when they’d turned onto what he guessed was the N20; while it might as well, based on the amount of traffic, have been the N72, that would have required them to go over the river, and they hadn’t crossed the bridge. They’d turned… No. He resolutely turned his thoughts away from that subject. He wasn’t going to try to figure it out through logic. To distract himself, he focused his hearing on the steady heartbeat next to him. Kieran’s heartbeat. Kieran trusted him to be good.

They travelled in relative silence, the monotonous humming of wheels against asphalt only broken up by brief buzzing of meeting traffic. Here and there the heavier rumble of a lorry, or the steady beat of music from someone else’s radio. Nicholas allowed the sounds to flow over him, concentrating on Kieran’s heartbeat and breathing, on making his master proud of him. It didn’t matter where they were going; his place was with Kieran, no matter where it was.

The car slowed down slightly and turned off the N20. Nicholas frowned slightly in response, his body refusing to blink for him. He… honestly had no idea where they were, how much time had passed. He’d lost track of it while keeping himself emotionally tethered to Kieran. Another long stretch of driving, and he was completely lost. Relief flooded through him when he realised he _couldn’t_ disobey Kieran’s wishes and try to figure out where they were.

“Something the matter?”

Kieran’s voice. Firm and strong and the one thing he could be sure of. He shook his head, trying to find the right words. “I just noticed I have no idea what time it is, Master, how long you’ve been driving.”

“And that makes you relieved because…?”

“Because it makes it impossible to figure out where I am, Master.”

Kieran didn’t say anything at first, and it was so bloody difficult to stay calm when he had no idea why. Even Kieran’s heartbeat and breathing didn’t give him many clues. While alphas didn’t always reveal their entire scent, there was usually _something_ there to let him know if he should worry or not, whether it was a facial expression – for those times he dared to glance up – or a subtle change in posture. Even just the way Kieran held his hands could tell much. Now there was nothing. He’d never known how much he relied on those two senses until they were both unavailable to him. How much he’d been able to tell at least if Kieran _was_ holding something back.

“You know exactly where you are,” Kieran said then, calmly but with a hint of humour. Nicholas frowned. Did he? “You’re in my car. That’s all you need to know, isn’t it?”

Nicholas’ breath rushed out of him. “Yes, Master, it is,” he said a few moments later, all too willing to go along with that. “Thank you.”

“Any time, pup.”

Nothing more was said. Nicholas settled back in his seat, focusing on Kieran once more and letting the sounds and sensations of traffic flow past him without paying it much attention. Kieran would tell him what was going on if it was necessary. Time passed; how much, Nicholas once more didn’t keep track of. The slower pace and the more frequent stops and turns told him they were in city traffic, but it barely registered. It wasn’t important, because thinking about it would only give him information Kieran didn’t want him to have.

The car slowed down and turned. The sounds of the traffic faded away just a little bit. The car stopped completely, and Kieran pulled the hand brake. Nicholas swallowed. They’d arrived at their destination.

“Stay,” Kieran ordered, opening his door and getting out. Nicholas didn’t move, didn’t even unfasten his seatbelt. He listened to the muffled sound of Kieran’s footsteps as he rounded the car. The door to his left opened. “Come on, then.”

His hands suddenly all too clumsy, he fumbled for the release of the belt, then struggled to make it retract, the mechanism just a little too old to work smoothly. As he carefully swung his legs out the side of the car, Kieran took a firm grip on his elbows and helped ease him out. “Thank you, Master,” he acknowledged as he was guided aside and the door closed, then frowned. Something felt familiar. He couldn’t put his finger to it, but… Then he shook his head, dismissing the feeling. Kieran didn’t want him to–

“You can open your eyes and use your nose again,” Kieran said quietly but firmly. A _whirr-chunk_ as the central lock on his car engaged.

The first thing that reached him was scent, that part of his brain reacting before Nicholas could even make an effort to pry his eyelids open. Metal, brick, asphalt, petrol, people. The first impression was one of chaos. One scent stood out from them all, anchoring him. Kieran. Slowly he opened his eyes to look at his alpha. The sudden bright light was painful, but it didn’t matter to him.

It hadn’t been long, it _couldn’t_ have been that long, but he felt as though he hadn’t seen Kieran for days. He drank the vision in so greedily it didn’t even occur to him to look past him for several seconds. Then he did.

He froze, his breath caught in his throat, as he stared at the red letters spelling out Devotion on the side of the large brick building. Kieran had… What was…? Was he supposed to…? “Here?” he finally managed to squeak out. He didn’t have permission to come here, did he? Was it a test? Nicholas hadn’t forgotten the rule. “I’m not allowed to…” he began, but trailed off as Kieran stroked his bottom lip with his thumb.

“Here. Tell me what the rule is regarding the club.”

Nicholas swallowed. “I’m not allowed to enter Devotion or any other place with a similar theme without…” Oh. He drew in a sharp breath, hope and trepidation blooming in the pit of his stomach. “Without you, Master.”

“And as I’m with you…?” Kieran prompted.

Nicholas swallowed again. “It’s permitted.” He jerked his attention back to Kieran, the tiny bit of hope dying a slow death inside him once he realised something important. While there was no hesitation noticeable in Kieran’s scent, no unwillingness, that didn’t really say much. “Please don’t, Master. Not for me.” He lifted his gaze from Kieran’s chest and managed to look up into his face, hoping the gesture would emphasise how important the request was. It wasn’t worth it. It wasn’t worth to go in if it meant Kieran would be uncomfortable.

“I can make it an order.”

Kieran didn’t say anything more than that, but the words settled something inside of him. Kieran was right. No matter what, Kieran was right. It wasn’t Nicholas’ job to worry about what Kieran might or might not want. All he had to do was submit and obey. He lowered his eyes in submission. “I didn’t mean any disrespect, Master. Please forgive me.” Kieran wouldn’t have taken him here if it hadn’t been his intention to do so.

Kieran didn’t respond, didn’t say he was forgiven. Nicholas stomach knotted up with tension, knowing he’d disappointed Kieran with his inability to remember his place. He waited silently, praying he’d be given a chance to make it up to his master. He forced himself to push aside all worry, all hope. Whatever Kieran did, it’d be the right thing. He trusted Kieran.

Minutes passed. Nicholas breathed in time with Kieran’s heartbeats. Three beats, inhale, three beats hold, three beats exhale, three beats hold. Slowly, he relaxed further. Whatever Kieran wanted to do, Nicholas wanted it to happen. If Kieran didn’t want to forgive him, he didn’t deserve to be forgiven. If Kieran did want to forgive him, he deserved it. Nicholas didn’t need to worry about which; he just needed to accept the result.

A hand, blissfully warm, came to rest along his cheek, bringing Kieran’s scent even closer to him. He reached out with his tongue to lightly lick at the base of the thumb crossing the corner of his mouth. “Good omega,” Kieran murmured, the words sending a shiver down Nicholas’ spine. “You’re forgiven, this time.”

“Thank you, Master,” Nicholas breathed.

“Inside, don’t speak unless spoken to and a response is necessary.”

With Kieran’s hand against him, Nicholas didn’t want to nod. “I won’t, Master,” he said instead. The hand disappeared, and he refused to allow himself to whimper. Instead he fell in behind Kieran as the alpha turned and headed toward the door.

Soft music and familiar scents and sounds hit him as the door opened and they stepped inside. Nicholas kept his eyes on the floor and his movements small and silent in an attempt to stress his submission. He’d been known as a Dom here, and he didn’t want anyone to think that was still the case.

“Welcome back, sir.”

Nicholas dared a glance up, to see if the remark had been addressed to him, requiring an answer, an explanation. No. Brendan wasn’t even _looking_ at him, his attention focused on Kieran. He quickly looked down again. Welcome _back_?

“Thank you, Brendan.”

Kieran knew Brendan’s _name_?

“Pup?” That was Kieran, demanding his attention. “You’re overdressed. Go correct that.”

For a second, Nicholas was certain his heart had stopped. His mind reeling with the information he’d just been given and still couldn’t make any sense of, he couldn’t even begin to figure out what words were the right ones. He simply nodded.

Stepping around the two men, he headed through a side door leading into a changing room. He hadn’t been in here often; it was usually the subs who changed in here, since their clubbing outfits were more likely to get them arrested on the street than those of a Dominant. Peter had shown him the room as part of the tour of the premises, back when he’d first come here, and he’d come in of his own volition maybe two or three times to help a sub get dressed after an intense session, but he’d never _used_ it. Selecting an available locker, he now quickly stripped off his clothes. The clothes Kieran had chosen for him. A smile crossed his lips as he remembered coming back out of the bathroom that morning. Finding the bedroom empty hadn’t been that pleasant, but realising Kieran had taken the time to tell him beyond a doubt what he wanted Nicholas to wear…

Closing the locker completely to indicate it was taken, he padded out of the room as naked as before a change. He paused. Kieran was no longer there, Brendan standing there alone.

“He went inside, _boy_ ,” Brendan said, but Nicholas had already turned toward the main area of the club to follow Kieran’s scent. He stopped and turned back.

“Thank you, sir,” he said, acknowledging Brendan’s pointed attempt to set himself higher than Nicholas. Technically they were both subs, neither of them collared, but Nicholas understood the gesture for what it was, helped along by Brendan’s scent. Night, he’d never been so glad to have his sense of smell as he was right then. It wasn’t that Brendan looked down on Nicholas. It was simply his need to make sense of things and help himself to stop thinking of Nicholas as a Dom. Especially as they’d played together once.

“Fuck, it’s going to take a while to get used to _that_ ,” he heard Brendan mutter as he went in search of Kieran.

Gaining a reputation of reading subs’ minds meant people paid attention to you; at least half the people who’d arrived this early had to know who he was on sight. Nicholas could feel the eyes on him as he padded through the room, could scent the shock and surprise and confusion and horror coming off of people. He could imagine the thoughts running through their heads. Who was that? That surely couldn’t be _Nicholas_ , could it? _Nicholas_ was a Dom, _he_ wouldn’t be naked in front of everyone like that. Maybe it was some kind of dare?

Kieran wasn’t alone, but Nicholas didn’t pay much attention to the couple standing with him. Didn’t allow himself to acknowledge who they were. It didn’t matter who they were; all that mattered was that he couldn’t afford to let Kieran down, paint him in a bad light in front of another Dom. He approached silently, and gracefully dropped to his knees next to Kieran’s feet. Spreading his knees slightly wider, making no attempt to hide the erection that the opportunity to serve Kieran always gave him, he crossed his wrists behind his back and bowed his head. Kieran’s hand came to rest on the top of his head, firm and soothing. Scent and touch told him Kieran was pleased with him, which made his cock jerk in gratitude and need. He ignored it.

“Well now,” the other Dom said, his voice sounding too distant to focus on compared to Kieran’s closeness. “I know we’ve talked about it, but I have to say I didn’t quite believe it. Not until now. He looks like he’s had _years_ of training.”

“He has,” Kieran confirmed.

“He’s making me look bad, Sir,” the other Dom’s sub murmured, and something in the tone of his voice made it impossible to ignore the fact that Nicholas knew exactly who that was. Only training and his determination not to disappoint Kieran kept Nicholas from looking up at Declan.

The Dom chuckled, almost covering up the sound of a hand ruffling through hair completely. “You’re perfect the way you are, boy. Wouldn’t want you any other way.”

Nicholas was suddenly acutely aware of how everyone around them was absolutely silent, almost holding their breaths. Eager for any scrap of gossip, or just an explanation as to what was going on. Nicholas didn’t really care. To be honest, he was relieved that he wouldn’t have to pretend a single evening longer.

The two Doms obviously shared a silent communication. Nicholas could sense the tiny movement of Kieran’s nod down his arm, the hand on his head moving just a fraction.

“Nicholas,” the other Dom said, and Nicholas made himself pay attention. The man’s scent _was_ familiar, even if he couldn’t place it at the moment. “You know why Kieran brought you here?”

Drawing breath to respond, Nicholas then hesitated. He frowned a little at the floor. On the one hand, it was ‘today’, and he was owed a punishment. On the other hand, he wasn’t sure if that was the only reason they were here. He knew that the human was just trying to ensure he wasn’t under any duress, but somehow that didn’t quite manage to get through his conviction that… And suddenly, the answer was clear. “I do, sir.”

A brief pause. Then, “And that would be because?”

“Because Master wanted to bring me here.” It was the only reason that mattered and therefore the only answer he could give.

There was a flabbergasted silence as the human Dom took in his response and tried to make sense of it. It stretched on for seconds.

“Sorry about that, Aindriú. He can be very literal.”

Aindriú. That was the Dom’s name. With the name and scent combined came the image of what the man looked like. He remembered, two or three weeks back, talking to Declan and realising the two of them wouldn’t do well in a scene. Not when Declan would much rather prefer another Dom, but was too scared to approach him. Nicholas had encouraged him to chance it, promising to help him if he needed it.

He would have been pleased that the two were obviously still together and that Declan hadn’t needed his help after all, but Kieran was still talking, and that took up all his attention. “Apart from that reason, pup, why do you think we came here?”

Nicholas thought about it again. Were there other possibilities? To show Nicholas off? To make it obvious to the club members that Nicholas was a sub and wouldn’t be topping anyone here again? To… Why would Nicholas bring a sub here if he was in Kieran’s shoes? “For several reasons, Master,” he began, not wanting them to think he was ignoring the question. Slowly, the words started to line up. “To show that I’m yours and not available for play with others. To show that I’m consenting to being yours. To see to the punishment I earned this past week. To provide a safe environment for said punishment in case something would go wrong.” Not that anything would, and even if something did go wrong it wasn’t anything that wouldn’t heal. But it was something he’d expect a human sub to need if their Dom was inexperienced, so it was a response Aindriú and the others would be pleased to hear. He drew a deep breath. “To show me you want to take care of me and make me happy.” The last one he hoped was true. If all those other reasons were correct, how else was Nicholas to interpret it? Kieran bringing him to a club he was uncomfortable with – even if he didn’t show any sign of it here, in front of humans – in order to go through a punishment they both knew Nicholas needed… That wasn’t something you did just for a lark. “Thank you, Master,” he added softly. Kieran had gone to such trouble for him, even contacting Devotion and arranging this whole thing. How he’d managed to be allowed into the club during member hours, he didn’t know. Quite possibly through Nicholas’ membership.

The hand on his head moved down to his shoulder and squeezed lightly, acknowledging the thanks. Nicholas couldn’t help himself. He tilted his head to the side, pressing his temple against Kieran’s arm. It had been a slight risk, but it had been well worth it even if Kieran had decided to punish him for adding something not entirely related to the question asked.

“I see,” Aindriú said slowly. “Now, will we go in? I took the liberty of reserving a room for you.” He paused. “You are aware, Nicholas, that I and Declan will be observing?”

“I am now, sir,” Nicholas responded. “I don’t mind.” As long as Kieran wanted them to, Nicholas wanted them to as well, and by the lack of surprise in Kieran’s scent, he’d known about it. Known about it and from all appearances had nothing against it.

“Good. This way, please, Kieran.”

The hand vanished from his shoulder, and Kieran stepped away. Nicholas got to his feet and went after him, clasping his left wrist behind his back to prove to them all that he trusted Kieran to protect him. Not that the humans would understand that, but what they’d see in the gesture was good enough.

No one stopped them on the way to the back rooms, and they could go straight in. The moment Nicholas set foot in the one Aindriú had selected – if it hadn’t been Kieran who’d selected it and just let Aindriú arrange the reservation of it – he knew which one it was. He’d used it before, and he had to give it to them; they sure knew how to put a sub in the right mindset for a punishment.

The room was the darkest of the different back rooms. Not simply in lighting, but in atmosphere. The flooring was firmer, though still vinyl, and patterned to mimic dark grey flagstones both in colour and texture. The walls were similarly styled to give the impression of a medieval dungeon cell. Chains were fastened to the walls, and in a corner stood an old-fashioned whipping frame, its wood to all appearances old, worn and grey, but like the walls and floor it only gave the appearance of ancient torture chambers, not the reality. Nicholas knew it was sturdy and solid, certainly capable of holding even the strongest of subs immobilised. In another corner sat a St. Andrew’s cross, also fashioned to appear old and worn. The metal cuffs on both the cross and the whipping frame, as well as those hanging from the walls, looked harsh and dangerous, but here as well it was an illusion. The edges, Nicholas knew, were smooth and rounded, the insides lined discreetly with soft leather.

The tool cabinet in this room was, imaginatively enough, fashioned to look like an old iron maiden, but Nicholas knew that instead of spikes on the inside, it only contained two rows of hooks for various implements. He could smell the leather and rubber through the holes in its ‘face’.

He heard the click of the switch by the door as someone turned on the busy light on the outside. Knowing to listen for it, he also heard the faint whirr of the camera starting to record.

Kieran stopped in the middle of the room. Nicholas did as well and went to his knees. “Good pup,” Kieran murmured softly. “Stay there.”

He stepped away, and Nicholas remained in the same spot, looking down at the floor. Taking a few, deep breaths, he worked on centring himself, preparing himself for his punishment. Fifty-eight strokes with whichever implement Kieran had picked. He hoped it wouldn’t be a cane or a single-tail, not because of the pain – he’d willingly take that if that was what Kieran thought he deserved – but because it’d be impossible for a human to take that. No, it wouldn’t be one of those. Not with Aindriú watching; he’d never allow it. He was a good Dom, though not as overpoweringly dominant as Kieran was. In a pack, he’d probably rank as a beta. If he were a wolf, of course.

Reining in his thoughts, he focused on calming his pulse and breathing. This would make up for all the mistakes he’d made during the past week. In his mind, he ran through everything he’d written up in the notepad, reminding himself of just what his sins were, and why it was so important that he be punished for them.

Kieran and Aindriú were talking behind him, keeping their voices low. Technically, Nicholas _could_ listen in and hear what they were saying, but he didn’t. If they had wanted him to hear it, they wouldn’t have been lowering their voices like that. He let the sound flow around him, allowed the _sound_ of Kieran’s voice rather than his words take him down to where he needed to be. Cliché as it may be, he had been a bad sub – boy or pup or omega – and deserved to suffer for it. He’d make Kieran proud of him again. He wouldn’t make Kieran regret allowing Nicholas into his bed.

Booted feet stopped in front of him, just within his field of vision. They weren’t Kieran’s. Aindriú crouched down, rested his elbows on his knees and clasped his hands loosely together. “Are you really okay with this?” he asked in a low but intense voice. “It’s a _lot_ he’s asking. Are you sure you can take it?”

“I am, sir. I can.” Nicholas knew Kieran could hear everything they said. Nicholas also knew Kieran wouldn’t be able to smell a single doubt in his scent. It’d be different if it were a cane or a silver-tipped flogger. Those, he wouldn’t be certain he could take fifty-eight from, not in a single session. Potentially not the heavier floggers either, or a single-tail. But again, Nicholas doubted any of those would be up for debate.

“You’re sure,” Aindriú asked again, his tone demanding either a denial or a confirmation.

“I’m sure, sir.” He shot a quick glance up at Aindriú’s face before looking down again. “I want this. I need it.”

Aindriú sighed. “Very well. Is there anything else you want to say?”

“There is, sir,” he admitted. It was as good a chance as any.

Aindriú was silent for a second or two, until he realised Nicholas was waiting for permission to actually say what it was he wanted to say. “Go ahead,” he allowed.

“I’m glad you and Declan do well together, sir, that you make him as happy as he hoped you would.” There was no mistaking it in Declan’s scent, after all. Humans might know how to lie with their voice and body language, but practically none of them could lie by scent. Declan certainly couldn’t, and he was a bad liar any way you put it.

“Thank you, Nicholas.”

“What do you mean by that, pup?” Kieran’s voice, surprised and thoughtful.

“I helped Declan make the decision to approach Aindriú, Master,” he explained politely. “I did my best to convince him that he’d never get what he wanted unless he spoke up, but I wasn’t sure I’d managed to help until today.”

A sour tone entered Kieran’s scent, making Nicholas tense up. “Should have taken his own bloody advice,” he could make out as Kieran muttered to himself, his voice halfway to a growl.

His heart sank. He’d disappointed Kieran. The words he’d said played back in his mind. _Never get what he wanted unless he spoke up._ He wanted to curl up on the floor, wanted to crawl over to where Kieran was and beg forgiveness. He did neither, only hunched down a little further. Kieran had told him to stay; he wouldn’t disobey. He couldn’t even beg Kieran to add to his punishment to make up for it, because that would mean disobeying the order to only speak when spoken to. He’d skirted the edge of it earlier, but to say something now would be so much worse.

Kieran’s footsteps approached, and Nicholas barely held back a flinch when a hand came down to rest on his shoulder. Not because he didn’t want the touch, or because he was afraid Kieran would hurt him, but because he didn’t deserve to be touched. Not that gently.

“We’ve already dealt with this, Nicholas,” Kieran said, his tone as soothing as the touch.

Before he could think it over, before he could relax into the comfort of his master’s presence, Nicholas blurted out, “We haven’t, Master.” It was the truth. “Other things, yes, but not my cowardice in not wanting to approach you.”

Kieran’s scent blanked out slightly, as if he was holding back his feelings, not wanting Nicholas to know what was going in. Not know how angry he was? “You feel you need to be punished for that, too?”

Nicholas nodded, and before the moment could pass, he added, “You could add to today’s punishment if you like, Master. Or you could make it something else.”

The hand on his shoulder tensed. So did Aindriú in front of him, a wary note to his scent. “You’d accept any number of strokes I’d want to add to this one? No matter how many?” His voice was rough with the effort to keep it emotionless.

“I would, Master.”

“Without argument?”

He nodded eagerly. Cloth rustled behind him as Kieran crouched down and leaned forward. Each breath tickled Nicholas’ skin, caressed his ears. If the situation hadn’t been what it was, Nicholas could have gasped and writhed with pleasure. Now he simply knelt there, waiting, trying to hold back the shivers running up and down his back.

“None.”

What? Nicholas didn’t understand. “Master?”

“The number of strokes I’m adding for not confessing your feelings for me sooner are ‘none’.”

Nicholas drew breath to speak. _Without argument._ He let it out again. He licked his lips. “I don’t understand, but I accept, Master.” Perhaps he wanted to make that punishment private?

“You’ve already been punished for that, pup,” Kieran said, but his explanation didn’t make it any clearer. “For four months, you’ve been punished for your silence by being around me without being able to belong to me.” Oh. Objectively speaking, Nicholas supposed that was true. “No other punishment is necessary.”

Kieran’s decision seemed to please Aindriú. It was also very clearly what Kieran wanted, at least for the moment. He’d let it be for now, but would ask again when they came home and didn’t have to keep up any appearances for the sake of humans. “As you say, Master,” he acknowledged. He hesitated no longer than a heartbeat. “Thank you.” It was what was expected of a sub, after all.

“You’re welcome.” Straightening up, Kieran took a step back. “Stand up.”

Nicholas obeyed as quickly as he could. Anything to avoid disappointing his master any further. Kieran may have decided not to punish him – yet – for what he’d just found out, but that didn’t make it any easier for Nicholas to stand it.

“You know what your punishment is.”

It wasn’t exactly a question, but Nicholas knew what the expected answer was. “Fifty-eight strokes with an implement of your choice, Master.” The last bit hadn’t been specified as such, but the very lack of a mention of an implement made it obvious it was going to be Kieran’s choice. If he’d wanted Nicholas’ input, he would have asked.

Aindriú cut in curtly, his scent making clear his apprehension and unease. “And you’re satisfied with that?”

It was obvious the question wasn’t for Kieran, not with that tone, so dominant it bordered on clipped and angry. Again, Nicholas response was clear. “I am, sir,” he said, keeping his voice steady without any trace of annoyance over Aindriú’s repeated questioning of his willingness to submit. He did understand the Dom’s worry, after all, just as he understood why his brief response didn’t seem to alleviate those worries. He’d walked in a Dom’s shoes for too long not to. Any Dom worth his name would be worried if a sub he didn’t know the experience of said yes to such a potentially severe punishment. Especially when the one handing it out very probably was a novice when it came to such matters. ‘Was Nicholas only saying yes because he didn’t know any better?’ was what Aindriú had to be thinking. “I trust my master to choose an implement he’s familiar with and know I can handle that many with, sir,” he therefore expanded. He put all his confidence, all his certainty into those words. Even a nose-blind human should be able to pick up on that.

Aindriú’s suspicion slowly eased up into mere doubt. “You’re that sure of him?”

Nicholas knew that any hesitation on his part, any tremor in his voice, could and most probably would be interpreted as fear or unwillingness. “I am, sir.” He dared another glance up, knowing humans saw the meeting of eyes as a sign of honesty. “I may not have subbed for him that long, but I’ve watched him for more than four months, almost five now. You know my reputation here, sir; I’m good at reading people. I trust my master. I _know_ there is nothing he wouldn’t do to keep me safe. He’d do nothing that would harm me. Even did he try, I wouldn’t let him.” That last one was a lie, but he kept his voice firm and steady enough that only Kieran should be able to tell. He hoped Kieran could tell not only that but also _why_ he’d lied. Apologies could come later, when they were alone. “I’m a sub, sir. Not a doormat.” Except, of course, if Kieran _wanted_ him to be.

Silence reigned in the room for close to a minute before Nicholas heard or sensed – he couldn’t quite tell which – Aindriú nod, his scent revealing his acceptance that Nicholas seemed to know at least his own mind, if not Kieran’s. “I’m sorry for interfering, Kieran. I had to be certain.”

“I understand,” Kieran acknowledged, his voice clear of the annoyance that tinged his scent. The tension between the two Doms eased up a bit, and Nicholas could breathe easier. Silence again, though this time it only lasted a few seconds before Kieran addressed Nicholas again. “You know why you’re being punished.”

Again, not a question. It was mere formality. Kieran already knew what Nicholas’ response would be were they alone. It wasn’t him who needed to hear it. It was Aindriú. And that meant it needed to be said in a way that would be suitable for a human to hear.

“I do, Master,” Nicholas began. “I let you down this past week, didn’t stick to the rules you’d laid out. I didn’t deserve to be allowed into your bed after that.” He still wasn’t entirely sure he did, but he would after this was over. “This offers me a blank slate, a chance to have earned the reward you gave me. You could have set the tally twice as high, Master, and I’d still gratefully accept it, no matter how many days it took me to get through the full count.” The last bit was added mostly for Aindriú’s comfort; the human would never expect anyone to be able to take that many in one session. Nicholas could. He’d done it before, and while it wasn’t anything he was that keen on repeating, he’d do it again if it was what Kieran wanted from him. The only thing he’d regret about it is that it’d take him a few days until he’d healed enough to be able to serve his master properly again.

Kieran’s scent reached him, and he shivered with pleasure. Kieran was pleased with him. “Good,” was all he said at first, giving Nicholas a few precious moments to bask in the glory of having said the right things. Then he went on, bringing Nicholas’ mind back to what was coming, “It’s time to start, pup. Do you have any preferences as to where you’ll be chained up?”

It was astonishing how he could say that with such certainty and calmness in his voice and scent, with none of the hesitation or distaste Nicholas would have expected. Then again, he was an alpha and could hide such things better than ‘mere mortals’. Either way, this wasn’t the time to wonder what Kieran really thought about it. Nicholas forced himself to turn his mind to his options.

For his own sake, it didn’t really matter, but he also needed to consider what would be best for Kieran. The chains on the wall were discarded first; he _was_ going to move about if he wasn’t’ held down better than that, and that could interfere with Kieran’s aim. A more experienced Dom would be able to account for that to a higher degree, and… there were times when the person punishing him hadn’t cared overly much because they didn’t need to pretend to be human. Kieran… wasn’t experienced enough for the first, was he? And for some reason Nicholas doubted the second would have happened even if they didn’t have human witnesses.

So, cross or frame. He closed his eyes and pictured them both, how he’d be restrained and how it would feel. Of course, he hadn’t been fastened to either of these two particular ones, but he’d seen them and had used them to restrain subs at least once each. That was enough.

Barely ten seconds had passed before Nicholas had thought through the options and made up his mind. “The frame, Master,” he said softly. What had settled the deal was the fact that it was slightly adjustable to suit subs of different heights, the waist bar possible to raise or lower. Whether that was authentic or not, it was a comfort that at least Nicholas had always found more important than adhering to historical details.

Silence for a moment or two, and Nicholas imagined Kieran looking between the whipping frame and him. Making up his mind about whether to take Nicholas’ suggestion? Wondering why he’d made it? Kieran’s heartbeat was steady, so whatever was going through the alpha’s mind didn’t seem to worry him.

When the touch of a hand against the small of his back came, Kieran’s scent strong behind him, it was unexpected. Fortunately, Nicholas’ body seemed to be perfectly capable of obeying without his mind needing to be part of the process. He didn’t resist as he was led to the frame in the corner, even when his heart pounded; he wasn’t scared of the pain that would come, only that he’d somehow fail to live up to Kieran’s expectations.

He put his feet and forearms in place. While it was possible to be restrained bent over at the waist, he assumed Kieran would want him upright. It was the only position, after all, that was shared between all three types of restraint. Kieran wouldn’t have asked for his choice between them if he’d intended a position that was only available with one of them. Kieran’s touch on his skin as he fastened the manacles around his arms and legs for once failed to arouse Nicholas. There was nothing erotic about it. There was only the anticipation of pain, and the knowledge that he’d let Kieran down this past week and this was his chance to make up for it.

The waist bar pressed against the uppermost bit of his thighs, the right height was he to be bent forward, but not for an upright position. Before he had time to decide whether to speak up or not, Aindriú and Declan came up on one side of him each. Experienced hands swiftly released the mechanism holding the bar in place and raised it to where it instead lay against his lower belly.

Done with his hands and feet, Kieran fastened the sturdy belt around his waist as the two humans locked the bar in place and stepped back. Nicholas tested his bonds, then winced. He could still move. Not much, but too much.

“Please, Master,” he whispered. “Tighter?” The buckle in the small of his back rattled. Then he gasped as the belt squeezed him more firmly, held him tightly against the waist bar. It was almost painful when Kieran fastened the buckle again, cinching his waist in the way he imagined a corset might feel. Once it settled in place and allowed him to breathe again, he tested his bonds one more time. He couldn’t move his hips even a little. Relief washed over him as he realised he wouldn’t be able to foul Kieran’s aim. “Thank you, Master,” he said.

Kieran didn’t answer, but his scent was warm and approving as he stepped away. The deliberately non-lubricated hinges of the iron maiden cabinet groaned as it was opened. It was an effort not to look back, to see what was going on. To keep the temptation at bay, Nicholas closed his eyes and let ears and nose be the only organs giving him information. The soft sound of skin sliding against leather, the merest whisper as something was taken off its hook. The scent of suede, leather, rubber and metal too mixed up at first for Nicholas to tell what had been selected. Then, as Kieran’s steps approached him again, one scent separated from the rest. Leather. Deerskin, to be precise. A soft whisper of tails swaying to and fro with each step. Deerskin flogger. Nicholas gave a mental nod, the number fifty-eight no longer looming over him like a spectre. He could take them with that kind of implement, without a doubt. It wouldn’t be pleasant, but that wasn’t the point of a punishment in the first place. It never was.

“Your safe word, pup?” his master’s voice came from behind him. His tone and scent made it clear avoiding the question wasn’t an option, even if Nicholas had been inclined to do so.

They both knew the answer. Even if Kieran hadn’t given him that word the night his week-long punishment was over, ordered him to use it if it was ever needed, there would only have been one answer to that question. It was the only safe word he could imagine ever wanting to use. It wasn’t the one he’d used with his old pack, or at Slabhraí an Orduithe, of course; he hadn’t met Kieran then. He hadn’t needed one at Devotion since he had never subbed there. So it was the first safe word he’d use since meeting Kieran. It was the perfect safe word, too. There was no way Nicholas would ever call his alpha simply by his name, and they both knew that, too. Not now when he’d been claimed. “Kieran, Master,” he said simply.

The humans’ shock to his revelation was palpable, but neither of them spoke up. Nicholas was sure Aindriú wanted to, but it didn’t matter. All that mattered was the pleased scent wafting from Kieran. Satisfaction that Nicholas had remembered, that he hadn’t hesitated before answering, that he hadn’t tried to argue – again – that he didn’t need a safe word with Kieran. Not that he would. Kieran had made clear it wasn’t something that was up for discussion.

“Good,” Kieran said. “Should you need a break for any reason, use it. That’s _not_ optional.”

Nicholas nodded. “I understand, Master.” He shivered slightly as he heard Kieran trail the strands of the flogger through his hand. He bowed his head forward and waited. And waited. Seconds ticked past, and nothing happened. Then it did.

Leather whipped through the air, and Nicholas had a fraction of a second to prepare himself. A fraction of a second to wonder where it would hit. A fraction of a second to hope he’d be able to make his master proud. Then fire splashed across his upper back, driving the air from his lungs in a strangled gasp. It wouldn’t have been so bad if it had been play. A little hard for a first strike, but not that bad. But this wasn’t play; it was a punishment, and that made it so much worse, made Nicholas unable to find anything pleasurable in it at all.

A second burst of flame across his skin, and he found himself wishing he’d chosen the chains on the wall, if only so he could grab hold of them. His hands opened and closed, but there was nothing to hold onto, nothing to help him. It wasn’t that it was too much to bear, and he’d take anything if it would make Kieran pleased with him again.

A few more licks, intensifying the throbbing heat that settled under his skin, and he was glad he wasn’t expected to count them out. He’d already lost track of how many there’d been, but he knew it hadn’t even been ten. Couldn’t have been. Right? His body tried to jerk with every hit, but the belt and the two cuffs along his upper arms kept him in place. He whimpered, unable to stop himself from chasing that elusive edge of pleasure inside his mind, but whenever he thought he’d reached it the intensity of the blows on his back changed, knocking it aside. Was it coincidence? Was it on purpose? Whichever it was, it kept him just on this side of the line between pain and pleasure. Part of him hated it, but part of him was so bloody grateful that he wasn’t allowed to escape his rightful punishment.

“I’m sorry, Master,” he pleaded a few strikes later, and though Kieran never answered it didn’t stop him from repeating his apologies over and over again, begging Kieran to forgive him despite knowing he didn’t deserve it. Not yet. Not until he’d taken all of it. Kieran knew that, knew what he needed, was kind enough to not make light of any of his mistakes. “Thank you, Master,” joined the apologies, and he hoped Kieran understood him this time, too.

The flogger rained down on his back, filling him with an ocean of pain. His nose was full of sweat and leather and pain and Kieran. Hadn’t it been for Kieran anchoring him to the world, he’d have been lost. He wasn’t sure if his words were still intelligible, but he kept offering them up, kept telling Kieran how sorry he was for having screwed up, how grateful he was for being offered this chance to pay for it. The words didn’t matter, after all. Kieran was a wolf, a strong, dominant wolf. He had to know Nicholas’ feelings even if he couldn’t make out the words.

An eternity passed, marked only by the sound of leather striking against flesh, by the heavy thud of Kieran’s heartbeat, by the faint edge of pain to Kieran’s scent. Nicholas’ eyes opened wide as he caught that, everything inside him rebelling against the thought of _Kieran_ suffering just to punish him. He needed to make it stop, needed to… He needed to say something. A moment later, he found the right word to say.

“Kieran,” he ground out, silently begging for his master to understand it wasn’t for his own sake he said it.

The next lash didn’t fall. Instead Kieran’s scent came closer. “Are you well, pup?”

He closed his eyes. It wasn’t that. He needed to make Kieran see that. “I’m grand,” he whispered, his words just a little bit slurred. “But you. You’re hurting, Master. _You_ need rest.” Nicholas could wait. Forgiveness could wait. He didn’t need it badly enough to hurt Kieran. He’d never need it that badly. He didn’t mind waiting half an hour if that’s what it took for Kieran to recover. It didn’t matter that it’d hurt worse when they started up again, as long as Kieran wasn’t in pain.

Kieran didn’t growl, not exactly, but there was just a hint of it in his voice as he spoke. “You let me worry about me,” he said, leaving no room for argument. “Do you need to take a break for _your_ sake, pup?”

Nicholas drew a trembling breath. “Not for my sake, no, Master,” he admitted, unable to lie. “I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have–”

“You did right, pup. Never apologise for using your safe word. You should know that.”

Nicholas hung his head. He did know that. How many times hadn’t he told other subs about the importance of safe-wording, before he entered into a scene with them? He _knew_ it wasn’t really optional, but he still felt bad for doing it when Kieran clearly hadn’t wanted him to. He’d said ‘for any reason’, but that quite obviously didn’t include concern for Kieran’s well-being. Nicholas clenched his hands, feeling the cuffs dig into his wrists and lower arms as his muscles tensed up. “Please continue, Master,” he said softly, setting aside his worries over Kieran’s aches as he’d been ordered to.

He could hear Kieran exhale slowly behind him. “Halfway through, pup.”

Mimicking the exhalation, Nicholas closed his eyes. He nodded his understanding, not sure he trusted his voice enough to speak. Halfway. He could do this.


	35. Chapter 35

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is a weak chapter >.< Still not happy with it, but it'll have to do; I can't figure out how to make it better right now.

_Kieran_

It was difficult to determine just what he was feeling as he covered Nicholas’ back with thin red lines that soon blended together into a mass of almost glowing red skin. Discomfort, pride, possessiveness and lust warred with each other under the surface, all but impossible to cover up. He wasn’t entirely sure he wanted to hide them from his omega; surely Nicholas deserved to know what he was doing to Kieran? His muscles ached, but he refused to let it stop him. Part of him had wanted to accept Nicholas’ offer of taking a break, but he hadn’t allowed himself to fall for that temptation. It’d only delay the end of the punishment and prevent Nicholas from feeling forgiven. So he’d made himself step back and go on, focusing on landing the flogger where he wanted to and on counting, ignoring the ache in his arm. His nose was trained to Nicholas’ scent, analysing in real-time the effect on the omega, making sure to keep his pain balanced and even.

Nicholas’ pleas and thanks started up again, his hands reaching helplessly for something to hold on to, his back muscles shifting as he tensed and relaxed, his scent spreading out into the room and filling it until it was a wonder the humans couldn’t smell it. The saltiness of his tears, his pain, his gratitude, his submission… It was intoxicating, and he found himself wishing this wasn’t a agreed-upon punishment but something he could allow Nicholas to enjoy. Declan had explained the concept of subspace to him, and he wanted to be able to drive Nicholas to that point, to ‘make him fly’ as Declan had put it. Unfortunately, this wasn’t the time for it, but it still wasn’t what he wanted to keep Nicholas away from the fuzzy pleasure that his endorphins offered, to always keep the pain one step ahead.

Fifty-six. Two more. Nicholas’ back was a red mess, and it was all but impossible to distinguish individual marks longer than a second or two after they’d been made, the blood so close to the surface he could almost smell it. The skin wasn’t broken, however, which was a relief. Fifty-seven. Yet another thank-you stumbled past Nicholas’ lips. There was no reason for Nicholas to be grateful for this, and yet he was. Kieran couldn’t understand it, couldn’t fathom how anyone could be in this much pain and still not hate the one who caused it, or at least be angry with him. But no, not Nicholas.

Fifty-eight. Nicholas sobbed helplessly, swaying in his bonds as much as they allowed him. Unable to bring himself to care about what Aindriú might say about it, he let the flogger drop to the floor and stepped close to his omega.

Instead of relaxing in relief that it was over, Nicholas tensed up. He sucked in a breath sharply, pushed out words that seemed to pain him. “I didn’t… I never said…” Confusion spread its tendrils through his scent, closely followed by horror. “Did I?”

“Shh, pup,” Kieran said soothingly, standing as close as he could behind Nicholas without touching him. “It’s over. You took all of them.” A second passed. Then another. And then, relief finally swept in, washing away both confusion and horror.

“Thank you, Master.” Whether it was because of those particular words or because he’d had a moment to collect himself, they seemed to be easier to get out, slipping past Nicholas’ lips as a soft sigh.

“You’re welcome, Nicholas. And I’m very proud of you.” Whether Kieran had liked his duty or not, there was no denying that. Whoever claimed that omegas – or submissives, for that part – were weak had clearly not seen one of them willingly step up to take a punishment like this, without any attempt to weasel out of it or beg his tormentor to go easy on him. To be perfectly honest, Kieran doubted he’d be able to do it with as little hesitation.

He reached up and opened the top manacles, caressing Nicholas’ wrists lightly to make sure there were no serious marks left. There weren’t. Faint impressions of the edges that probably wouldn’t last longer than half an hour or so, but that was it. Kieran let out a breath he’d barely been aware of holding and moved on to the next pair, closer to Nicholas’ elbows. Again, he inspected Nicholas’ skin, again pleased to find it intact and unbruised. Skipping past the belt buckled tightly around the omega’s waist, he crouched down to release Nicholas’ feet first, completely ignoring the faint growl in the back of his head over lowering himself before a less dominant wolf. It was necessary, he reminded himself, and technically he was _behind_ a less dominant wolf, not before him. Still, he kept his inspection much more brief this time before standing up again. He released the belt, wincing slightly at Nicholas’ sharp inhalation as it briefly tightened in the process.

“Turn around, pup,” he ordered gently, only to grab hold of Nicholas’ shoulders two seconds later when it looked like the omega was about to collapse. “Shh, I’ve got you,” he soothed. “Let’s sit down, will we?” He eased both of them down onto the floor, right next to the wooden frame, and gathered Nicholas up in his lap.

Nicholas whimpered softly, pleadingly, and curled up just a little bit to burrow his face in Kieran’s shoulder. The pain in his scent flared up, but clearly that wasn’t of importance right at the moment. The need still burned more brightly, and it wasn’t too hard to figure out what it was Nicholas needed right at this moment, especially when he the next moment tilted his head back, his tongue darting out to touch Kieran’s jaw lightly.

“I forgive you, pup.” He lowered his voice further, to keep the humans from overhearing. “Good omega.” Nicholas shivered and whimpered again, but this time in an expression of gratitude. The show of submission, as well as the presence of a naked body in his lap, went straight to Kieran’s cock. He hadn’t been completely soft during the punishment, to his shame, but now he found himself wishing he could adjust himself inside his jeans without it being obvious what he was doing.

A human presence next to them had Kieran almost snarling at the intruder. He held it back at the last moment but still glared up at the boy approaching them, only to relax a little bit when he realised Declan was holding a couple of water bottles. Three, he saw as they were set down on the floor next to him. Declan didn’t say anything, which was a good thing as Kieran had no idea what to say either. They nodded at each other before Declan returned to Aindriú’s side, stepping in close and wrapping his arms around his Dom’s waist.

Opening the bottle without rubbing up against Nicholas’ back wasn’t easy, but he finally managed. The scent of cold water rose up, making Kieran realise just how dry his mouth was. Still, he held the bottle to Nicholas’ lips. “Drink,” he instructed, tilting the bottle as Nicholas obediently opened his mouth. Two thirds of the water was gone before Nicholas gave any sign of having had enough. He took the rest himself, swallowing it down so quickly he didn’t even take the time to breathe until he was done. He opened another and took a few more swallows before offering the bottle to Nicholas, who once more accepted it without protest. He didn’t seem as desperate this time, however, and by the time he pulled back a little he’d left a little more than half of it. Not about to complain, Kieran finished it off.

“Still thirsty?” he asked when he was done, one hand hovering over the last bottle.

Nicholas shook his head. He swallowed, and when he spoke his voice was hesitant and slightly hoarse. “Please, Master, allow me to serve you.” He moved just a little bit, rubbing his hip against the bulge in Kieran’s jeans, the need still obvious in his scent. Not arousal, not as such, but the desperation to please that Kieran was starting to recognise all too well.

It wasn’t the best position for it. There were others in the room. Both facts failed to carry the importance they should have. All that mattered was that Nicholas needed to show his submission and servitude, and Kieran… Kieran _wanted_ him to do just that. His eyes fell on the frame next to them, and he smiled. One of the two issues was amendable.

Letting Nicholas slide off his lap, he stood up and turned to lean against the frame, supporting his back against the bar across it. “Go ahead, pup,” he said, and the growing panic and disappointment vanished from Nicholas’ scent as though they’d never been there.

Turning on all fours to face him, Nicholas nuzzled and kissed his way up Kieran’s leg until he was kneeling up with his nose buried in the V between Kieran’s thighs, inhaling the scent of his balls through the jean cloth. His eyes, Kieran noticed, were closed. His hands were clutching Kieran’s legs as though that grip was all that kept the omega from falling over.

Realising Nicholas needed a bit of help, Kieran opened his jeans and pushed both them and his underwear down just a little bit, releasing his cock and balls. Nicholas wasn’t slow to take advantage of it. The light touch of his tongue over the wrinkled skin of his sac was exquisite, and the soft whimpers that came from Nicholas were almost better. Closing his own eyes, he allowed Nicholas to do as he pleased, all too happy to just enjoy himself.

Nicholas worshipped his balls for close to a minute before moving up to lick and kiss Kieran’s shaft, working his way up it with as much care and devotion that he’d spent on Kieran’s balls, pausing for a few seconds to tease the bundle of nerves on the back of its head with the tip of his tongue. Kieran had to clench his hands around the vertical posts in an effort to not grab hold of Nicholas’ head and force the issue. Some of his impatience must have made itself known in his scent, because it only took Nicholas a couple of seconds to pick up on it and finally opening his mouth and swallowing Kieran’s cock down all the way to its root.

Kieran’s head fell back as he surrendered to the sensation of Nicholas’ throat wrapping around him like a hot sleeve. He groaned as his omega swallowed around him and worked his tongue along and around the parts of his shaft that were reachable. There seemed to be no hesitation, no consideration taken for the fact that Nicholas’ back had to be hurting like fuck, and once more it didn’t seem like Nicholas even needed to breathe. Aeons seemed to pass before Nicholas pulled back, his cheeks hollowing as he added almost painfully glorious suction to the movement. For a while, he bobbed his head shallowly over Kieran’s cock, giving himself time to catch his breath. Then he dove in again. The third time, Kieran couldn’t stop himself anymore. Before he had time to even consider his actions, his hands flew to press Nicholas’ head yet closer to his body. His back arched further as pleasure surged through him, too powerful to ignore, and his balls drew up so tightly it almost felt as though they added extra force to his orgasm through movement physics alone.

Nicholas’ scent held no fear as he was held in place, only kept working his throat around Kieran’s cock as he swallowed down his come. His hands held onto Kieran’s thighs, the grip just as tight as before, not attempting to push his master away, even when he _had_ to be running out of air. A faint whimper vibrated along his shaft, and the flexing of those muscles around it seemed to grow more desperate, but still there was no worry in Nicholas’ scent, only trust and acceptance and gratitude that he’d been able to please his alpha. Through pure force of will, Kieran cut his lassitude short and pushed Nicholas’ head away before unclenching his hands and letting go of the omega completely.

“Up,” he said softly as soon as Nicholas’ breathing slowed down from ‘can’t get enough air’ to a more normal rhythm. He helped his mate to his feet, then lifted his heads to Nicholas’ head once again to pull him closer, this time to kiss him deeply and hungrily, doing nothing to hold back his emotions, allowing his actions and his scent to tell Nicholas just how pleased he was. Nicholas all but melted against him, willingly parting his lips to let Kieran’s tongue inside, voicing his own pleasure in a half-whine, half-whimper. “Good omega,” Kieran murmured, only taking his mouth off of Nicholas’ long enough to say that. He ignored the two humans still in the room almost completely, only remaining aware of them enough to say the words quietly enough that they wouldn’t hear anything specific unless they were standing right next to them.

In response, Nicholas whimpered again. His erection pressed against Kieran’s hip, but neither of them did anything about it. It didn’t seem important to Nicholas, and while Kieran wouldn’t have minded giving Nicholas some relief in return he felt perversely proud that Nicholas was more focused on Kieran’s pleasure than his own.

Reluctantly, he let Nicholas’ lips go, gently pushed him away. As soon as his hands vanished from Nicholas’ shoulders, the omega dropped to his knees. The hitch in his movement as he brought his hands to the small of his back was nearly undetectable, but it still made Kieran want to wince. That position could _not_ be pleasant, not right now.

“Hands in front, pup,” he instructed. He didn’t watch as Nicholas obeyed, occupying himself instead with tucking his cock away and fastening his jeans as he glanced over at Aindriú and Declan, though part of him would much have preferred to keep ignoring them. He wanted to ask what he was supposed to do now, but didn’t want to admit he had no clue. Was there something else he was supposed to do, or could he take Nicholas home right away? They still had around half an hour before they _had_ to leave in order to make it home before moonrise, if Kieran’s senses were right – and he didn’t doubt that they were – but he’d much prefer to spend that half hour at home instead of here.

“Let’s find somewhere to sit down and talk,” Aindriú said, his voice and scent kind. “Declan will clean up in here before he joins us.”

“Yes, Sir,” Declan confirmed, no trace of hesitation.

Kieran wanted to sigh, to say he didn’t want to talk, but instead he nodded. He might not need Aindriú’s good opinion, not for himself, but it would make Nicholas happy. Of course, Kieran was sure Nicholas would be happy even if Kieran made him stay at home all the time, his only job to see to Kieran’s pleasure. If that was what Kieran wanted, what he needed to be pleased, he didn’t doubt that Nicholas would agree to it without hesitation. But Kieran didn’t want that kind of mate. He wanted a mate who had a life of his own, who had interests and wants that didn’t entirely revolve around him. And… Nicholas did like the club, Kieran had seen that in the omega’s reaction when he’d banned him from coming here. And to keep Nicholas from being ostracised by the club members, Kieran was willing to play nice with the humans. Besides, the more people who saw Nicholas submit to him now, the fewer would be expecting Nicholas to be a Dom the next time they showed up.

“Come along, pup,” he said gently as he stepped around Nicholas to follow Aindriú outside. There was no verbal answer, but he heard Nicholas climb to his feet, a clumsiness to the movement that would have spoken loudly enough of his pain even had his scent not revealed it. On the way, he snagged up his shirt and carried it along, not bothering to put it back on.

To a werewolf’s ears, the reaction of the people in the main area of the club was all too obvious. There were more people there now, some having arrived while they’d been busy in the play room. He could all but hear those who’d been there before nudging the new ones and indicating them, could hear conversations trail off only to pick up again with a decidedly different tone. Could scent shock, outrage, envy and arousal. He very carefully ignored them all and took a seat opposite Aindriú at the table the other Dom chose. It didn’t pass him by that it was near the middle of the room, far enough away from others to give them privacy to talk but still in plain view so practically everyone could see them. Nicholas sank to his knees next to him and Kieran didn’t have to give a reminder about keeping his hands in front; Nicholas rested them lightly on his thighs, palms up as if offering his wrists to be bound.

Kieran smiled and stroked Nicholas’ hair, gently applying pressure on the side of his head until he had his mate leaning against him. A few more caresses as a reward, and Nicholas relaxed and closed his eyes with a content sigh. With his sub settled, Kieran turned his attention to Aindriú again.

“Well done,” Aindriú said. “Good technique, all things considered. I wager he’ll do whatever he can to avoid repeating his mistakes.”

“Undoubtedly,” Kieran agreed. “Though if he does, I’ll be there for him again to take care of it.” He smiled at the wave of gratitude from Nicholas at that statement, stroking his hair again. Kieran might not like it all too much, but the wolf in him was still strong enough to keep his human-side worries at bay, and he knew that assurance was what Nicholas needed, to know that Kieran wouldn’t hesitate to punish him, that he wouldn’t let important mistakes slip by because he was scared of hurting Nicholas. “Your concerns are put to rest?” They’d better be. While Kieran could understand the unwillingness to trust an unproven stranger, it still annoyed him to have someone trying to step in between him and his mate.

“For now, they are,” Aindriú admitted, nodding slightly. “Though I confess I’m not entirely sure whether he took it well or you handed it out well.”

Kieran bit back a sigh. So much for the compliment he’d been given just a few seconds earlier. Humans were usually easy to read, since they very seldom were aware of how much they let slip through scent, and it wasn’t difficult to figure out that the possibility of Nicholas accepting far more than he should have had occurred to Aindriú. “Nicholas? You can go ahead and answer him.” Technically, Aindriú hadn’t asked a question, but it had been lurking there in his mind, Kieran was sure of it, and he was equally sure that a reply from him wouldn’t weigh as heavy as one from Nicholas.

“Probably a bit of both, sir,” Nicholas said softly, but loudly enough for Aindriú to hear it on the other side of the table. “I…” He hesitated for a mere moment. “I could take worse, and I have in the past, but you were right when you said I’d try to avoid experiencing it again.”

Fury rose inside Kieran at the admission Nicholas had suffered through harsher punishment before. While he on some level had known it, hearing it said out loud brought it home in a wholly different manner. Nicholas stiffened against him, barely relaxing even when Kieran stroked his head again. Something had to be said, or Nicholas would continue to think Kieran was angry with him. If it even mattered who or what Kieran was angry with in the first place, that was. “I would cheerfully tear the spine out of whoever did that to you, pup,” he said, forcing himself to sound calm and like he was at least partly joking. He wasn’t, and he had a suspicion Nicholas knew that.

Aindriú snorted, and Kieran was all too happy to let the human believe it had been an exaggeration. “I bet,” was all the Dom said. “I’ll keep an eye out for news of spineless Doms, then, will I?”

Kieran chortled, all too happy to entertain the images his mind conjured up for him, both the literal and the figurative ones. Nicholas finally seemed to relax against him again. “By all means.” If he ever did anything to the more dominant members of Nicholas’ old pack, it wasn’t something that’d end up in the news even had Aindriú not been simply ‘playing along’. Wolves were nothing if not thorough when it came to covering up what humanity would consider crimes, even if technology had made that a bit more difficult the past few decades. But no, as much as he hated the thought of someone else hurting Nicholas, he also knew that technically little of it had been against Nicholas’ will. He probably wouldn’t even do anything to the bitch – in both senses of the word – that had caused Nicholas to be thrown out. Painful as the experience had been for Nicholas, it had also, eventually, brought him to Kieran’s pack. Had it not been for her, Nicholas would still have been there and Kieran would never have known what he’d been missing. And, he had to admit, James would probably have been able to undermine his authority to the point where the majority of his pack would have stood on the other side when the challenge finally came.

Aindriú’s eyes focused on something behind Kieran’s back, but he refused to turn around. As a wolf, he had other options available to him, and a slow, careful inhalation through his nose revealed Declan’s scent growing stronger in the room. Then he stiffened as another scent in the room also reached him, one he wasn’t nearly as accepting of, not since having done his best to wash it off of Nicholas’ body. Focusing his senses in that direction rather than at Aindriú’s sub, he noticed the exact moment when what’s-his-name saw Kieran and Nicholas. The shock in that scent and the curse startled from the boy made it all too easy. Shooting a glance toward the boy, he sighed. Then he sighed again as whoever-he-was started to approach them.

“Problem?” Aindriú asked, frowning slightly and absently played with Declan’s hair as the sub knelt down next to him. He’d clearly noticed Kieran’s reaction, but not figured out what had caused it.

“Not as such, just something I suppose was inevitable.” He stroked Nicholas gently, then turned to look at his omega’s last sub who’d stopped at what Kieran guessed was supposed to be a respectful distance. “C’mere to me, then, boy” he invited, raising his voice enough for the boy to hear it.

With a small grimace and a flare of guilt in his scent, the boy did as told. “Sorry if I’m interrupting something, sirs,” he ventured. “I…” He looked down at Nicholas, then back up at Kieran. He fidgeted a little where he stood. “Been keeping an eye out, I have, but I didn’t expect… these circumstances.”

Kieran regarded him thoughtfully. There was guilt and disappointment in his scent, yes, but no condemnation, no anger, no frustration. Well, a little bit of that last one, but not so much as to be a concern. “Had you asked either of us, last week, I don’t think anyone would have expected this,” he responded calmly.

The boy bit his lower lip nervously, shame and worry and fear creeping through his scent. “Did I… I mean, should I have done something different?”

Nicholas’ breath hitched a little, as if he was drawing in breath to speak but changing his mind. Instead he pressed a soft kiss to the side of Kieran’s knee.

“Go ahead, Nicholas,” Kieran allowed. “You can talk to him.”

“Thank you, Master.” Nicholas looked up at the boy. “You did nothing wrong, Derek.” Right, that had been his name. “You’re a good sub, and there is a Dom out there for you. I hope I was able to give you a good scene?”

“Of course, si-!” Derek blurted out, only to cut himself off mid-honorific. “Um… Nick. Nicholas,” he finished instead, clearly unsure of what to call Nicholas. “It was…” His cheeks turned red. “It was perfect. I’d hoped…” His guilt and disappointment flared up again. It wasn’t hard to guess what the boy had hoped.

“Thank you, Derek,” Nicholas said solemnly, no trace of humour or amusement in his voice. “And had things been different, I certainly wouldn’t have minded repeating it, but I belong to Master Kieran now.”

“S-so you’re a switch?” His face fell when Nicholas slowly shook his head, and the burgeoning hope in his scent died swiftly.

“It was never my intention to mislead you, or any of the other subs or Doms at Devotion, but I’m a sub, the same as you.”

“But you… You were _good_ ,” Derek all but whined, clearly not understanding. Kieran didn’t really blame him.

“Back in Dublin,” Nicholas began to explain, “the club I was a member of had far more subs than Doms, and the majority of those Doms preferred women, so it was difficult finding someone to play with. I wasn’t the only one in the same situation, so one day I decided to pick up another sub and serve her by giving her what she wanted; a Dom. After that, I took it on myself to learn more. At that club, I did present myself as a switch, yes, but when I joined this one I’d already met Master, and submitting to someone else just felt wrong, even when I thought he’d never want me. Somehow, I managed to talk myself into believing that topping someone wasn’t submission, even when it always was about that for me.”

Derek seemed to think about it for a while, chewing absent-mindedly on his bottom lip as he did so. Kieran tried to keep track of the boy’s scent, but kept getting distracted by the omega at his feet, who leaned back against his leg while the human thought.

“I… think I see.” He took half a step back. “I’m sorry for bothering ye.” Pain and wounded pride had joined the other emotions mingling in his scent, but beyond that Kieran couldn’t quite focus on him long enough to figure out.

Damn it. He wanted to let the boy go, wanted in fact to never have to see him again, but… That wouldn’t be right. Perhaps it was the calm way Nicholas had explained the situation to Derek, or perhaps it was the submission he’d been shown in the back room today, but whatever the reason, it had made him see that this human deserved better than to be sent off with his tail between his legs. “Hold on, boy,” Kieran said, keeping his tone firm but gentle. Derek stopped half-way turned around, the fear Kieran had wanted to avoid with his kindness still flaring up. He shook his head. “I’m not upset with you. I wanted to thank you.”

Derek blinked, turning back fully to face Kieran. “Thank me, sir?”

Kieran nodded, somehow satisfied that it seemed to surprise the human. “It might not have been your intention, but you did help me see what was in front of my eyes.” He smiled wryly. “I would have had to be a greater fool than I am to not see that when it took all I had not to yank him away from you and do God knows what to him.” That said situation wouldn’t have ended well for Derek wasn’t something he felt the human needed to know. “So, thank you.”

“Oh. Um… You’re welcome, sir.” He shifted his weight from one foot to the other, and glanced between Kieran and Aindriú. “Can I go, sir?” Kieran wasn’t sure if the question was directed at him or just at whoever was first at responding. Resisting the urge to sigh, Kieran nodded, and Derek slipped off to most likely lick his wounds. Had his words done any difference at all? Or had he been wasting his breath?

Nicholas pressed a soft kiss to his leg again, and he smiled, stroking the omega’s head once more. No. Not a waste of breath. It might not have done Derek any good, but it hadn’t been a mistake to say it, not when Nicholas was so clearly touched by his gesture. When he looked up at Aindriú again, his attention drawn by the curious impatience in his scent, the Dom was regarding him with raised eyebrows. “What was that about?” Aindriú asked him.

Kieran shrugged lightly. “I’d have thought you knew already. I watched a scene between Nicholas and that lad Thursday last week. Like you just heard, it made me figure out what I wanted.”

“Why would you watch a scene if you didn’t know anything about BDSM?” Aindriú was frowning, looking almost as puzzled as he smelled. “How would you even think of it?”

Kieran sighed, and pressed down firmly on Nicholas’ head when the omega tensed up, his scent turning worried and eager. The gesture made Nicholas subside down onto his knees again, acceptance and submission wiping out whatever urge had gripped him for those few moments. “Long story short, someone I’d thought close to me lied to me, told me Nicholas was abusive, that he liked to hurt people against their will. Nicholas offered to show me what it was all about, and Derek agreed to let me watch them together.”

By the time he finished talking, Aindriú’s scent was so full of anger it was hard to ignore. Still, his voice was calm when he said, “Some day, I’d appreciate hearing the long version. People like that are–” He cut himself off, shaking his head. “The club’s had its issues with moralising, ignorant gee-bags, so I shouldn’t really be that surprised to hear about yet another gacky fucker who confuses consensual kink with assault.”

Kieran shook his head. “Unfortunately, neither gacky nor confused. He just counted on me being thick enough to believe him over Nicholas.” That didn’t particularly ease Aindriú’s anger, and Kieran hadn’t really expected it to. “Either way, it’s over and done with. I evicted him, and should I ever see him again it’ll be too soon. I don’t know where he is now, nor do I want to know.” True enough, if not in the way most humans would interpret it.

Aindriú nodded. “Good,” was all he said, but the growl in his voice, violent enough to have come from a werewolf’s throat, suggested it might be all he _could_ say without losing his temper altogether.

Kieran made a show of looking at his watch. “As much as it bothers me to end our conversation on such a sour note, it’s time I take my boy home.” He didn’t want to cut it too close, after all.

“Of course,” Aindriú responded with a small smile, though it was still tense. “You go home and take care of him. After that punishment, I’d say he deserves it.”

Kieran returned the smile. “I’m inclined to agree. I’ll see you Monday evening?” Nicholas’ breath hitched and his scent filled with curiosity and alarm, but he gave no other sign he’d even heard their conversation.

Aindriú nodded. “I’ll be here.”

“Thank you for today.”

“Not at all.”

He looked over at Nicholas then, his anger finally softening and fading, replaced by mild but warm humour. “It was good to see you, Nicholas. Be a good boy for your master, and he might even bring you here again.”

Kieran looked down at Nicholas as well, raising his eyebrows when the omega said nothing in return. “You can answer, pup.”

“Yes, Master,” Nicholas murmured before raising his voice enough for Aindriú to hear it. “Thank you, sir, but with all due respect I don’t need any other incentive than my master’s pleasure to want to be good.” Kieran’s heart swelled, and he stroked Nicholas cheek gently.

Aindriú grinned. “Fair play, Nicholas.” Turning his attention back to Kieran, his smile faded slightly and he offered a last nod of farewell. Kieran nodded in return and stood up.


	36. Chapter 36

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ...This chapter took a lot longer than I expected. Sorry about that.  
>  The problem about taking this long to write a chapter is that it's easier to forget what you've written at the start by the time you get to the end. I hope I've managed to catch any and all inconsistencies and oppositions, but some might still remain. Please do inform me if you spot any such thing.

_Nicholas_

 

Scooting his chair back, Kieran stood up. Nicholas quickly followed suit, doing his best to hide just how much his back and knees protested the movement, and then trailed after his master toward the exit. See him again? What had Kieran meant by that? They’d clearly met before, that much was obvious, but Nicholas had assumed that was purely to arrange today’s punishment. Now he wasn’t too sure about that assumption as he had been.

“Do you need help getting dressed, pup?”

Kieran’s question was soft and discreet, but with Nicholas so focused on his master’s presence it would have been impossible not to hear it. He only hesitated for as long as it took to draw breath to speak. Honesty. “It would go faster, Master,” he confessed, defying that tiny part of him that argued that he shouldn’t be more of a bother than he already was. He didn’t need that part of him, didn’t want it any more, but it had proven hardier to root out than he’d ever expected. Even Kieran’s orders to only focus on obeying and submitting instead of worrying and second-guessing himself hadn’t been enough to eradicate it completely. He’d work on it, though.

Kieran didn’t rephrase his question, didn’t seem to wait for a more complete or decisive answer. It had been enough of one, thank fuck. Kieran even held open the door to the changing room, something Nicholas wasn’t quite sure what to think about.

It was difficult to dress someone and still maintain a dominant demeanour, Nicholas was all too aware of that, but somehow Kieran managed to do that anyway. Just another difference between an omega pretending to be dominant and an alpha, he supposed. He was, however, relieved that Kieran didn’t insist on Nicholas putting on shoes and socks – there was no need of those, for one thing, since there were only a few steps from the door of the club to Kieran’s car and their next destination was home, but more importantly, Nicholas was convinced that Kieran helping him with that would have taxed the limits of what even an alpha could do without showing weakness.

He maintained his silence throughout, as per orders. Maintained silence until they were outside, until Kieran had seated him in the car, leaning in over him to buckle his belt as though he was a child, until Kieran had slid into the driver’s seat, closed the door and started the car.

“Permission to speak, Master?” he asked then, softly.

Kieran glanced his way; Nicholas could tell from the slight twist of his torso. “Go ahead, pup,” came then.

“Thank you, Master,” he began, glad his request hadn’t been denied, though he knew he wouldn’t have been disappointed even if it had been. “I’d like to apologise for lying to Master Aindriú, Master, for suggesting I would deny you anything you wanted.” He darted a glance up at Kieran, but his master seemed focused on driving, his scent and expression carefully neutral. Nicholas refused to let it bother him, refused to worry about what that might mean. Instead he went on to explain further. “I didn’t want to alarm him and make him think I didn’t know what I was saying yes to, that our r-relationship wasn’t healthy.” It was still hard to wrap his mind around the fact that they _had_ a relationship beyond that of pack leader and omega, or landlord and tenant. “He’s not a wolf; he wouldn’t understand. Human relationships… move slower. A week wouldn’t be enough to know someone that well.” Sure, there were exceptions to that even among humans, and in his mind he’d belonged to Kieran for far longer than a week, but neither of those two facts would help much against a Dom who got it in his head that a sub was out of his depth and in risk of being abused.

He ran out of words there. While he technically could ramble on and on, trying to justify his decision to lie, he’d already said everything necessary for Kieran to make a decision to either forgive or punish him. The seconds ticked by while Kieran all too slowly navigated toward the city limits. Determined not to worry, Nicholas closed his eyes and focused on Kieran; his scent, his heartbeat, the slow and steady flow of air in and out his nose. Whatever Kieran decided would be fine in the end. It wasn’t something Nicholas could control either way, so worrying about it would just be pointless.

Finally, when Nicholas had all but started to believe there would be no response at all, Kieran drew breath to speak. Nicholas held his own as he waited. “You’re probably right that he wouldn’t have understood,” Kieran began slowly, as though still searching for the right words. “Part of me doesn’t want to believe or understand, either.”

Nicholas swallowed and bowed his head, his eyes still closed. It wasn’t something he hadn’t known before, but even so hearing it said out loud drove a spike of pain through his heart. With an effort, he pushed his pain and traitorous emotions aside. Kieran _would_ have what he wanted, even when Nicholas wasn’t sure how to give it to him without doing the very thing he was working against. He opened his mouth to voice his acceptance and willingness to oblige, to work towards being able to stand up for himself and refuse to obey every single command given.

A hand landed on his wrist, and the words he’d been about to say came out as a strangled sound that only survived for a moment or two before collapsing into silence while his eyes flew open. He stared at Kieran’s hand, not entirely sure what had prompted the touch, but all too willing to accept any reason at all.

“I said _part_ of me, my omega,” Kieran said gently, softening the use of omega into a possessive endearment that Nicholas found himself wanting to hear spoken again and again. “Not all of me.” He squeezed Nicholas’ wrist lightly before moving his hand away to shift gears. Silence filled the car as they turned a corner, and then it was broken by a weary sigh. “Maybe James was right.”

“No!” The word was out before he could stop himself, and he stared at Kieran in horror. “Master, no, don’t–” He cut himself off and looked down into his lap again. While he just moments ago had been trying to steel himself for the possibility of having to tell Kieran ‘no’, this wasn’t quite what he’d had in mind. “Please don’t say that, Master,” he corrected himself, hoping he hadn’t upset his alpha. He wasn’t sure if he was more terrified over that, his own breach of protocol or Kieran’s obvious doubts.

Whatever response he’d been expecting from Kieran, a soft laugh wasn’t it. He shot his master a glance before returning to his study of his hands. “Don’t worry, my mate. I’m not angry with you for speaking your mind.” Nicholas breathed a little easier at hearing that, even more so at being called ‘mate’. “And I’m not saying he had everything right. But…” He sighed again, the sound wiping away any remainder of laughter in his voice and wrapping itself tightly around Nicholas’ heart. “I’m not the strong alpha my pack deserves.” His laughter came back, but this time it was bitter and painfully discordant. “If I’d been, I wouldn’t have even thought of admitting this, even to my mate.” He snorted. “Then again, had I been I wouldn’t have anything to admit.”

“Master, please,” Nicholas whispered. How could Kieran think he wasn’t a strong alpha? Nicholas had _felt_ it from the first day they’d met. Kieran wasn’t ‘barely passing’ for an alpha, or whatever it was Kieran was suggesting. His dominance had pierced Nicholas right through and stolen his heart and loyalty in a single, sharp glance.

“Shh, Nicholas,” Kieran hushed gently, and Nicholas bit back a whine. “Let me finish.” Nicholas nodded, unable to deny Kieran his request, but it was hard not to see this conversation as his punishment for lying. “I’m not planning on giving up my position, and I will do my best to keep my promise to guide the pack with a firmer hand, but… I can’t help but wish I was stronger, that I didn’t have this… this schism inside me, with one side delighting in your submission, accepting it as my due, and another side thoroughly disgusted by the fact that I’m even thinking that.”

Nicholas swallowed. He wanted to argue that of course Kieran should have everything Nicholas could offer him, but he’d been ordered to silence.

“I’m not saying this to hurt you, pup, or to complain, but to explain. I haven’t been clear, lately, partly because I’ve been working hard to stick to the rules of the punishment I set and partly because of that voice in my head trying to tell me I shouldn’t be taking advantage of you like this.”

Nicholas shook his head violently. Kieran wasn’t ‘taking advantage’ of him, and even if he was, Nicholas would gladly let him do it if only it meant he could belong to his master.

“Shh,” Kieran soothed again, reaching out and squeezing his knee lightly even as he turned out onto the N20, forced to withdraw his hand to shift gears again only a second or two later as they sped up. “The point of it all is, I do want you, Nicholas. Just the way you are. BDSM and submission and everything.”

His heart ceased to beat, Nicholas was sure of it. He couldn’t take in air, and there was a sound in his ears that seemed to prove that werewolves could, in fact, contract tinnitus. Had Kieran really said what Nicholas thought he’d said? Surely not; Nicholas knew all too well how uncomfortable Kieran had been just one week ago. Yet the sincerity in Kieran’s scent was all too strong for it to be a lie, even a well-meaning one.

“I know it hasn’t seemed like it, but that’s–” He cut himself off, and Nicholas could hear him swallow. “Until I saw you with that human boy, Derek, it had never really occurred to me that anyone could _want_ to be tied up and beaten, despite knowing the popular explanation of what BDSM is. I had just this vague conception of handcuffs and blindfolds, but no more than that. It had certainly never occurred to me that _I_ could enjoy seeing someone being spanked and flogged, let alone do it myself. But what I said to him was true. It was all I could do to keep myself from tearing him away from you and throw him out. Part of me wanted to tear his throat out with my bare teeth for daring to touch you, daring to be touched by you.”

Nicholas’ ears were still buzzing, and his eyes seemed to vibrate in their sockets. He was dreaming, wasn’t he? He’d passed out from the pain, and was dreaming this whole thing. Or maybe, since the pain wasn’t _that_ bad, he wasn’t quite passed out but simply delirious? Without thinking about it, he pressed himself against the seat, feeling somewhat comforted when pain flared up again, but only for a second. Guilt followed close on the heels of that comfort as Kieran snapped into alertness, the stirrings of anger in his scent. Nicholas could feel the heavy weight of his master glaring at him, and only barely kept himself from flinching.

“What have I told you about causing yourself pain, omega?”

Nicholas swallowed and opened his mouth. For a second, no sound emerged. He’d been told to be quiet. But a question must be answered. “The only one allowed to give me pleasure or pain is you, Master,” he recited. How his voice came out sounding as steady as it did was a mystery.

“I will think of a proper punishment. A spanking or paddling would hardly do; that would only serve to reward you, I think.”

Nicholas wanted to argue that it wouldn’t, that a punishment spanking was so much different than a good one, but he couldn’t. Not because he was to be quiet, but because he could see the logic in what Kieran had said. Hurting Nicholas for hurting himself did seem counterproductive, no matter what. And if he was fair, it wasn’t exactly the pain that would be the worst part, but Kieran’s disappointment.

“We’ll talk more about this later, pup,” Kieran went on, his tone gentler. “When we’re not both strapped down in our seats, the moon barely an hour from the horizon.” Again, he reached out to stroke Nicholas’ leg, and he bit his lip to keep from groaning with relief and pleasure at the simple touch. “When I can hold you close and make sure you don’t draw the wrong conclusions from what I’m saying. I shouldn’t have brought it up now in the first place.”

Why _had_ he brought it up now, then? Nicholas didn’t really think he could keep Kieran from talking about whatever struck his fancy, even though he wished he could keep _some_ topics off limits, like suggesting he wasn’t a good alpha or claiming James had in any way been right, but… that didn’t mean he understood it any better. He hesitated, glanced up at Kieran, but the question never made it off his tongue. He wasn’t allowed to talk, and he desperately wanted to please Kieran.

“Go on, pup,” Kieran said, with a humoured and slightly exasperated sigh. Only the complete lack of displeasure in his scent kept Nicholas from begging for forgiveness.

“Then why, Master?” His voice was a mere whisper, but he didn’t doubt that Kieran had heard him, even when Kieran was quiet for a couple of very long seconds.

“I don’t know,” he finally said, the lack of certainty in his voice making Nicholas’ mind spin. “Probably because that tiny voice in the back of my head keeps telling me I don’t deserve you and I wanted to make sure you knew I wasn’t trying to change who you are, because did I do that I’d deserve you even less. It made more sense in my head.” He drew in a deep breath, then let it out again. “The point of it was that despite my doubts holding me back and telling me I shouldn’t, I find myself enjoying the control you offer me. You made me so proud, the way you took today’s punishment, the way you told everyone how you were mine in both word and deed. I don’t know that much about it all, not yet, but with every new thing I find out about you, about the club, about BDSM, I regret deciding to learn less and less. It might have started out as a determination to do right by you, to give you the kind of alpha you deserved, but… It’s not only that, not anymore. And I just completely ruined my intention of talking about it later, and had we the time I’d pull over and make use of your mouth again despite knowing how much it’d hurt you to twist in your seat.”

Nicholas couldn’t help it, not with Kieran’s arousal filling the car and the words going straight to his own cock. He whimpered. “I can–” he started to offer, but Kieran cut him off with a curt hand gesture.

“No. You will not. Not while we’re driving.” He could feel Kieran’s eyes on him and chanced a glance up at him, just in time to catch a wicked, predatory grin. “But you can spend the rest of the trip in silence, imagining just what I will do to you tonight.” He slowed down as the signalling car in front of them did, and took the chance to lean over close enough that his breath was hot against Nicholas’ neck and shoulder. “And make no doubt, I will enjoy your reactions while you think, and later on your body as well.”

Night, those words stole Nicholas’ breath away, and it took him a few seconds to even draw in enough air to whimper. Then, as he realised that wasn’t exactly silence, he clapped a hand to his mouth, praying Kieran wouldn’t blame him for it.

Kieran laughed as he straightened in his seat, sending shivers down Nicholas’ spine. “Let me amend that,” he said. “Sounds are fine, words are not.”

Nicholas relaxed a little at that and let his hand drop to his lap again. He nodded his understanding, holding his words back as he’d been instructed to. For just a short while, he’d be allowed – no, required – to let his mind run free, to paint up perfection. Images flashed through his head of Kieran pressing him down with his weight, driving himself into Nicholas’ body over and over again. Of Kieran lodged deep inside him, the almost exquisitely painful pressure of his swelled knot keeping them stuck together as the rest of the pack watched how Nicholas submitted completely. Of Kieran fucking his mouth, making him work hard to keep his teeth out of the way. He whimpered, clenching his hands into fists to keep himself from adjusting his cock inside his jeans. Thankfully, he’d already been hard when he dressed, or it would be torture. Torture he’d willingly suffer for Kieran.

“Good, my omega,” Kieran murmured. Nicholas dared a glance up, but wasn’t surprised to find that his master’s eyes were still on the road ahead. “Keep going.”

The next half hour was a living Hell. Every scenario Nicholas’ mind painted up seemed even more perfect than the last. Of Kieran taking his pleasure without a care for Nicholas’ completion or even comfort. Of Kieran forcing him to watch his alpha licking himself to orgasm. Of Kieran’s collar around his neck being removed before the change, only for Kieran to use his few seconds of control to swiftly buckle a larger collar around his wolf neck, the tag on it declaring him to be Kieran’s property for anyone, wolf or human, to see.

That last one broke the spell. That would never happen. Nor would more than half of what he’d imagined, to be fair, but that one… He shouldn’t want a collar. No wolf should. Wolves weren’t dogs. But he wanted one, wanted _Kieran’s_ collar around his neck, with every fibre of his being. Grief squeezed its cold hand around his heart as his mind kept taunting him with the images of how it would feel. The only way Kieran would agree to collar him would be to keep up appearances with Devotion. He certainly wouldn’t keep him collared during the change. That wasn’t–

“What’s wrong, pup?”

Nicholas shrugged, unsure if he’d be able to find the words were he allowed to speak them in the first place.

“You can answer me, Nicholas. What’s wrong?”

He closed his eyes briefly, wanting desperately to lie and either say it had been nothing or make something up. He swallowed. “The truth, Master?” He knew the answer to that wouldn’t be ‘no’, but one could hope, right?

“Always, Nicholas.”

He drew in a deep breath, then blurted out, “I want a collar, Master. I know I shouldn’t, but I do.”

There were a few seconds of silence, but no disgust or condemnation in Kieran’s scent. Nicholas hoped Kieran wasn’t simply covering those emotions up. “A collar?” Kieran asked then, as if he wasn’t sure what Nicholas meant.

Nicholas nodded, trying to find the words he needed to say, the words he didn’t want to say. “Human subs,” he started slowly, “are given a collar by their Dom. It can be temporary, like…” He swallowed. “Like the one I had Derek wear during the scene.” He hated to remind Kieran of that. “Or it can be a more permanent thing, like the one Declan’s wearing.” He hadn’t had time to congratulate Declan. Even if it was only a consideration collar, it was still something that deserved his recognition of it. He just hadn’t had time to speak with Declan alone. Maybe some time later. If Kieran ever brought him back there. “I’ve been spending too much time with humans,” he apologised. “I’ll work on it, Master.”

He could almost _hear_ Kieran’s frown, could practically scent the confused thought process going on. “And because humans expect you to wear one if you’re mine, you feel you need one to prove to them that you are?”

That wasn’t it at all, but if it was what Kieran would offer him, he’d take it. He nodded, pressing his fists down into his thighs to keep himself from reaching up to stroke the line where a collar would lie.

Kieran’s displeasure filled the car, making Nicholas whimper and cower, only the seatbelt stopping him from curling up into a ball. What had he done wrong? He racked his brain, tried to figure out what he’d said to… Oh.

“I won’t need one, Master, I’m sorry for suggesting it.” He’d work on it until he didn’t need one.

Kieran still wasn’t pleased. If anything, he was _less_ pleased. Nicholas fought to suck in air, loathing how each lungful brought with it more of Kieran’s anger. Only the rule that he wasn’t allowed to die kept him from stopping just to keep himself from smelling his master’s disapproval. If the answer to the latest question was a bad one, what should the right one have been? Why had his apology made things worse?

_The truth, Master? Always, Nicholas._

The words flashed through his mind, and he knew what he’d done wrong. As Kieran turned onto the small road that led toward their house, he knew he only had a few minutes left to fix it before they were home. He forced himself to take a deep breath. “I lied. I’m sorry, Master. It’s… more than that, but I don’t… It was easier to pretend that was it than to…” He swallowed, then whispered, “You’re not the only one who argues with himself inside. I shouldn’t, Master. You’ve told me not to, but I… I’m not fully there yet, completely able to stop worrying that I’ll do something wrong and you won’t want me anymore.”

“Not going to happen.” The certainty in those words, in Kieran’s scent, settled Nicholas more than it should. “I told you, I want _all_ of you. Now tell me, why do you want one? What would it mean to _you_?”

Nicholas tried to swallow down his thudding heart. “Safety, Master,” he managed. “Like your hand around my neck, holding me tight and keeping me safe. Protecting it from any other’s touch but yours.” He trembled slightly, hoping he’d given the right answer. He hadn’t dared to hold back, but it had been harder than he’d expected, baring himself like this. He trusted Kieran, he did. Trusted him with his life. But it was more frightening than showing his throat or belly, because… because this wasn’t simply his life but his soul. If Kieran laughed at this, then–

Kieran sighed quietly, relief and wonder and pride blotting out the displeasure. “Better,” he said. “What made you think of collars?”

Nicholas blinked. His face heated up, but he really couldn’t avoid answering that question, could he? “I…” Best get it out as quickly as possible. “I imagined you changing my human-shape collar for one to wear as a wolf,” he blurted out. “It’d only take a few seconds.” He wasn’t sure it _was_ a feasible fantasy to have, if it _would_ be possible to do that in those brief moments before Kieran joined the rest of them. But Nicholas was always the first, and if he was close enough to Kieran…

Silence lay heavy and thick in the car. “Ah,” Kieran said then, his scent and voice neutrally pleasant. “So you don’t only want one. You want two, is that it? Such a greedy sub.” Then, even as Nicholas’ heart constricted with the thought of wanting too much, Kieran relaxed and humour leaked out. Nicholas let out a shaky breath, his lips twitching into a cautious smile. “Yes, Nicholas,” Kieran confirmed. “I’m only codding you. I will consider it.”

A second passed before the sounds penetrated fully and transformed into words. Consider it? Consider… a collar? Stunned, Nicholas barely noticed Kieran slowing down and turning into the driveway. He found himself unable to move when Kieran got out of the car. His door opened, and he stared up into Kieran’s face for a moment before lowering his gaze to Kieran’s shoulder.

“Thank you, Master,” he whispered into Kieran’s ear as the alpha bent in to release his seatbelt and then pulled him out to stand on the gravel. The sharp stones bit into the soles of his feet, but he didn’t care about that. The ground could have been covered in shards of glass, and he’d have stood there without a single protest.

“Come on, pup. Moonrise is coming up, and I need to check on the rest of the pack as well.” Donna and Charlie would be busy, of course; they both knew that.

Part of Nicholas wished he could lay claim to Kieran’s time the same as Charlie laid claim to Donna’s, but there was a drastic difference between a beta and an omega. Charlie wasn’t too far below Donna in rank; he could make requests, could even deny Donna if he didn’t want to have sex. He still hadn’t done so even once that Nicholas knew of. Nicholas… was an omega. It wasn’t his place to even _suggest_ activities other than those Kieran put forth. So he simply nodded and bent to pick up his shoes and socks before following Kieran into the house. If he walked slower than usual… well, that was all due to his back and the rocks beneath his feet.

Kieran had barely had time to greet the wolves waiting for him in the living room when Donna came down the stairs, dragging Charlie along. Nicholas had been waiting near the doorway, not wanting to intrude and insinuate that he thought he was more important than the other wolves just because he was Kieran’s mate, and as Donna was about to walk past him she stopped. Charlie all but stumbled into her back as she turned her head to stare at Nicholas. Nicholas lowered his gaze and didn’t say anything, waiting for Donna to speak up and set the tone. He very carefully didn’t look at the drying body fluids on Charlie’s flaccid cock and between Donna’s thighs, tried very hard not to be jealous of her clear marking of her mate as hers.

“Are you hurt?” Her voice was brisk, the heady scent of sex and lassitude pierced through by sharp interest.

Nicholas shook his head, aware of everyone else’s attention from the living room. “No more than I deserve, alpha,” he replied. “Master allowed me to atone for the mistakes I made the past week.” He couldn’t help but wish Kieran had spanked him instead. At least that way, he’d have left his scent on Nicholas. Now, his back smelled mostly of leather, with just a few touches of Kieran’s scent and that faint metallic tang of blood close to the surface. It wasn’t enough. It could never be enough.

She studied him for a few seconds longer, then nodded briefly and stepped past him into the living room. Charlie offered him a smile and squeezed his lower arm gently before following her, barely even waiting for Nicholas to smile back.

“Welcome home, pack leader,” she said, glancing down at the floor for a few moments in a clear acknowledgement of her lack of challenge. Behind her, Charlie echoed the greeting in a murmur, lowering his gaze as well.

“Thank you, Donna. Charlie.” Kieran nodded at them.

Cautiously, Nicholas prowled closer now that all the others were there, circled around Kieran, who despite his stature somehow managed to tower over them all. He smiled. This was what few humans understood, even among the BDSM crowd. Dominance wasn’t about pushing other people around, or even a matter of being large and muscular. No, dominance was all about attitude and soul. His smile faded then, as he realised Kieran didn’t understand it either. Not if he thought he was a bad alpha. One only had to _look_ at him to see that he was everything an alpha should be. Strong but compassionate, dominant when he had to be but not a bully. He _cared_ about his pack, wanted them to be content. An alpha like James? It would have been more important to satisfy his own ego, his own needs. The pack would have come second. He winced. It was a pattern he recognised all too well from his old pack. Ethan had been the same. Yes, Nicholas had been content, had thrived in that strict discipline. It had taught him what he wanted from life. But… if he’d been a good alpha, a good pack leader, he wouldn’t have simply thrown Nicholas out on the word of his mate. He’d have contacted either his childhood pack or another pack and arranged for Nicholas’ transfer. He’d have made sure Nicholas was taken care of. How had Nicholas never seen that before?

He needed Kieran. Needed to be close, needed to make sure Kieran knew his mate was there, that his mate would submit to him in all things. Moving even closer, he stripped off his shirt and jeans, leaving them in a pile on the floor. He didn’t even hesitate before he dropped to all fours and crawled between his fellow pack members’ legs to get to Kieran’s side. His back ached and burned, but he didn’t care. He closed his eyes in bliss and contentment as he rubbed his cheek against Kieran’s thigh and settled down on his knees next to his master. He heard a gasp behind him, mingled with a sharp spike of awe and jealousy. It wasn’t hard to identify the source of both as Benjamin.

Kieran was talking to Caleb. Well, listening to Caleb telling him about what had happened at home that day. He didn’t stop doing that, only reached down and cupped Nicholas’ cheek, stroking him with his thumb. Nicholas relaxed, Caleb’s words a soft murmur in the background, not important enough to even hold a candle next to the moon’s calling and Kieran’s presence.

“Thank you, Caleb,” Kieran said when Caleb fell silent. He paused, and Nicholas sensed him look over the pack. “It’s time. Stand, my omega.”

Nicholas obeyed without hesitation, ignoring the aching muscles in his back, and followed his alpha, his master, his mate, out into the back yard, his eyes greedily taking in every new piece of skin revealed as Kieran stripped on the way to the door. Behind him he could hear the others, but tonight he didn’t even hesitate. If Kieran wanted him to follow him ahead of even Donna, Kieran would get what he wanted.

He knelt down in the grass in front of Kieran, not even a step away. It wasn’t raining tonight, but the wind was chilly as it brushed his skin. It didn’t matter. Soon, he’d be warm. Soon, he’d be free to run.

The moon rose above the horizon, and his human form melted away to reveal his inner wolf. This close, Kieran’s scent was delicious and overpowering, but Nicholas’ heart nearly stopped when Kieran’s still-human fingers reached out and touched his neck. He bowed his head, whimpering softly in a plea for more as Kieran’s hand slid down the side of his neck, his fingers tickling his fur.

“Mine,” Kieran growled, his voice more wolf than human. Nicholas whined his assent. Then Kieran’s hand was gone, a sharp intake of breath the only sign of what was going on before Kieran landed on all four paws before him, barely avoiding landing on top of his head.

Nicholas lay himself flat down onto the grass, folding his ears back and rolling his eyes in a apology for being in the way. Drawing his lips back submissively, he licked his nose.

Kieran snorted and nipped at his fur. “Only a few moments,” he said. For a second, Nicholas wasn’t sure what Kieran was talking about. Kieran’s nose slid against the side of his neck pointedly, and Nicholas yipped in shock. Surely that wasn’t what Kieran meant. “Precisely that.” Kieran grinned widely at Nicholas’ disbelief, before stepping over him to address the rest of the pack. “Tonight, we mark what’s ours.” Humour spread as one of them began the misinterpretation. Kieran snorted. “Territory first, mates second.” Over his shoulder, Nicholas saw Kieran turn his head to look pointedly at Mathias and Aidan, who stood almost as tightly together as Donna and Charlie… or as Kieran and Nicholas, not that Nicholas was standing up at the moment. “Some of you might want to speak up, regarding that.”

Mortification flowed from the two wolves as everyone followed Kieran’s line of sight. “Yes, pack leader,” Mathias managed.

“Good. Come.” And as Nicholas desperately tried to control the involuntary jerk of his hips at that command, Kieran spun around and headed off into the woods, tail streaming behind him. The rest of the pack flowed into step behind him, Nicholas and Samantha side by side near the end, only Caleb running behind them to make sure they neither fell back nor were attacked.

Kieran circled the woods that was the pack’s territory, marking the borders at regular intervals. The others followed suit, making sure not to cover up Kieran’s markings. By the time Nicholas went by, it was difficult to find an empty spot to mark with his own scent. He didn’t mind, but he did whimper apologetically at Caleb. “You should go ahead,” he urged. Caleb was near the top of the hierarchy, and his scent markings should reflect that.

Caleb snorted, raised his leg and casually pissed at one pole of the fence next to them. Nicholas ducked his tail, accepting the gesture as the rebuke it was meant to be. Caleb wouldn’t have done that around Kieran, but among those within sight he was the dominant wolf and he didn’t need to crouch down to pee. It was also a very clear statement, saying Caleb didn’t need to be at the front to find a place for his scent.

“Go,” Caleb commanded when he was done, snapping at their hind legs when they didn’t pick up their pace quickly enough.

Their territory was a measly little thing. Barely three and a half kilometres around. For wolves, even when they stopped every once in a while to scent mark, it didn’t even take half an hour. Had they been ordinary wolves, it would never have been enough. But for werewolves, only able to take their four-legged forms three nights a month, it was enough. Sure, much of their running seemed to be back and forth across the same area, and hunting… well, to be fair hunting often took them out into the neighbouring woods, the parts that didn’t belong to the O’Neill pack, but they made sure to always cover their tracks when it did.

Nicholas’ childhood pack had ‘raised dogs’, to explain the multitude of lupine tracks. It hadn’t been easy to find a type of dog that wouldn’t go crazy around humanoid wolves, but by careful selection and raising of the dogs basically from birth, it had worked. Then again, his childhood pack had been larger, and they’d lived in an area that was, unfortunately, shared with humans. Not that the odd hiker hadn’t been easy to avoid, but it wasn’t as easy to always cover ones tracks. Much easier, then, to have an excuse humans were all too ready to believe in. Humans, as a group, never wanted to believe in the unbelievable, after all.

All too soon they were back in their clearing again. Nicholas flopped down on the ground next to Kieran. Sure, he was pumped up and ready to go rather than exhausted, the way he might have been had their territory been larger, but he was also eager to be close to his master, and Kieran seemed to have settled down at least for now.

A movement drew Nicholas’ attention. He watched as Mathias slunk forward, his tail flagging almost insolently but his head lowered and his shoulders hunched. “Pack leader,” Mathias started. His scent was excited with just a tinge of wariness to it. Behind him, Aidan cautiously approached, appropriately submissive in his attitude. “I beg your leave to take a mate.”

Satisfaction oozed off of Kieran as he stood up and took one step forward. “Is your courtship accepted and reciprocated?”

“It is, pack leader.” The answer didn’t come from Mathias, but from Aidan.

Kieran looked at the two for a few, long seconds. His scent revealed little. Even knowing Kieran as well as they did, knowing there was no reason for their request to be denied, Nicholas didn’t blame them for being nervous. Had Nicholas stopped to think, he’d have been terrified to offer himself up the way he’d done two nights ago, but at the time it had been the only thing he _could_ have done.

“Claim your mate, Mathias,” Kieran stated.

Mathias raised his head proudly, relief and joy and wonder flowing from him. “Thank you, pack leader.” He turned to nuzzle Aidan. “Aidan,” he began, and Nicholas remembered his own feelings from when he’d been standing before Kieran, not knowing what Kieran’s response would be, not expecting anything and only hoping that there’d be no offence taken from his offer. It was so different to Aidan’s situation, and yet somehow the same. Aidan knew what Mathias wanted; there’d been communication between them that hadn’t been between Nicholas and Kieran. Mathias had stated his intent by asking Kieran’s permission. There was no fear that Mathias wouldn’t want him. But there was trepidation, that shortness of breath when one doesn’t quite know what’s coming but is looking forward to whatever it may be.

“Mathias,” Aidan responded, returning the gesture with just as much love and care.

“Will you give yourself to me, be my mate for as long as the moon wanders the night sky? Will you accept my love and protection and forgive me for those times when I’ll run roughshod across your wishes and ignore your wants because they contradict my need to take care of you the way I think is best?”

Aidan stared up into Mathias’ eyes, but there was not a hint of challenge in his posture. “You’re beta, I’m gamma,” he said simply. “There’s nothing to forgive for following our natures. I give myself to you to be your mate, and place my trust and loyalty in you. I will always accept your love and protection, and offer you my love and obedience in return. You are mine and I am yours, our lives entwined. Under the full moon I pledge myself as your mate.”

“Under the full moon, I claim you as mine,” Mathias murmured back, the phrase all but lost in the intensity of his emotions, in the ‘finally mine’ and ‘I love you’ and ‘I’ll kill anyone who tries to stand between us’ and the somewhat graphic need to mount and take, to _finally_ be able to mark his Aidan with his scent inside and out. Not completely unaffected by the mood, Nicholas fidgeted slightly where he lay, trying to make himself comfortable again. He was happy that the two were together, he was, but he couldn’t help but hope Kieran was not only equally affected but also willing to act on it.

Aidan looked mischievously up at his mate. The tip of his tail flicked from side to side as he clearly considered his options. He lowered his chest in an invitation to wrestle, then abruptly bounced back up again, spun around and bolted in between the trees. A teasing, “Catch me if you can, my mate,” hung in the air behind him. Mathias only took a heartbeat or two to process what had happened, and then he was off after Aidan, his tail rising in a display of dominance the moment he was out of the clearing, out of Kieran’s immediate presence.

“Ah, young love,” Donna chuckled, nuzzling Charlie’s neck and nipping gently at his skin.

Charlie tilted his head slightly to give her better access. “You’re hardly old,” he objected. “Could still catch me, could you not?”

She snapped her teeth at him, catching only fur but still making him whine contritely. “Of course I could!” She grinned with predatory glee. “In fact, why don’t we prove that right now? I’ll even give you five seconds’ head start, I will.”

For a moment, Charlie stood still, his body language blank and his scent a jumble of confusion and desire and love. Then he turned and tore off into the woods. Donna yawned calmly as she waited. “Please excuse me, pack leader,” she offered with barely a hint of apology in her scent. “I seem to have a runaway mate to catch.”

Kieran snorted with amusement. “So you do.”

“Better be careful so you don’t end up in the same situation.” She leered at him suggestively before calmly turning her back and trotting off after Charlie.

What had she meant? Kieran turned to look at him, and he wasn’t entirely sure how to read his mate’s opinion on it. Should he assure Kieran he wouldn’t run? Should he ask if Kieran _wanted_ him to run? Closing his eyes for a moment, he pushed his confusion back. Kieran would tell him what he wanted. He didn’t have to worry about it. That wasn’t his job. Still… “Even were I to run, Master, a single word from you would stop me,” he offered softly.

“I hope you don’t doubt my ability to catch up with you, pup,” Kieran said, and had it not been for the humour in the statement Nicholas would have cowered with distress.

“Of course not, Master,” he said instead. It was the truth. While Nicholas might be ganglier than Kieran, with longer legs, Kieran packed a lot more muscle. And… Nicholas had never really been encouraged to really run. As an omega, he’d always been stuck with a guard to catch up when it was safe. To be honest, Kieran had been the first alpha who’d let him come with the group on their nightly runs, apart from hunting, but those had never been full-out sprints. Nicholas was sure they were being held back for the sake of the slowest of them. For Nicholas and for Kelly, who still hadn’t quite reached her full maturity. It didn’t matter. What mattered was that he’d never seen Kieran run as fast as he could, in his whole time with the pack. He hesitated now, glancing up at his alpha. “Did you want me to try?” he dared to ask, hoping he hadn’t overstepped.

Kieran grinned, baring his teeth in a mock threat. “I do,” he confirmed, “and I expect you to make it worth my while.” He paused then, a note of wariness to his scent. “How’s your back?”

Nicholas, just about to climb to his paws, hesitated. “Well enough, Master.” He slowly stretched, testing his ability. “It might slow me a little, but won’t stop me.” The change had fixed most of it, to be honest. His breath caught as a thought struck him. Was that why Kieran had decided to settle it today instead of tomorrow or later? He wasn’t quite certain how to take that.

“Good.” Kieran’s grin widened. “Run, little omega,” he snarled. “Don’t let me catch you too soon.”

Nicholas didn’t hesitate, didn’t have time to do so. His legs jerked into action almost before the words had registered, propelling him forward, and he hurtled into the tree line without considering his direction. Not at first. Then he adjusted his direction slightly to make sure he wasn’t heading toward one of the other couples.

With his slower speed but more slender built, it would benefit him to make it through as many tight squeezes as possible, but there weren’t many of those in these woods, despite their age and lack of being a source of lumber. Still he wove his path through as many as he came across, hoping to slow Kieran down by making him go around them. Sometimes, he could use his longer legs to leap past tangled underbrush.

It wouldn’t help. He knew that. He could sense Kieran behind him, catching up. Had his heart not been thundering in his chest, his breath rasping in his lungs, he might have been able to hear his alpha, too. Now he could only press on and hope he didn’t disappoint Kieran too much

The wind turned, and Kieran’s scent reached him, full of eager expectation, lust and possessiveness. So certain. Telling him it was just a matter of time. That certainty almost made him falter, but he couldn’t. Not when Kieran had told him to not be caught, at least not ‘too soon’, whatever that meant. Sucking in more air, he pushed himself harder, desperation and adrenaline driving him more than strength or stamina. That wasn’t to say he didn’t have stamina; he wouldn’t have been nearly as good in Devotion’s back rooms if he didn’t. But that was something completely different from this, and he was already exhausted from lack of sleep, lack of food and the punishment just a short few hours earlier.

Near-silent paws right behind him, a soft growl as Kieran was forced to go around a clump of tightly set trees, too ensnared to allow his wider shoulders through. Panic seized him, the first moment of it because instincts had made him forget who was after him, and then because he’d be caught at any moment and surely this was still ‘too soon’ and he desperately didn’t want to disappoint his master. He tried to force his legs to move even faster, but it seemed like they’d already given him all they had. And then it was too late.

A heavy weight came out of nowhere, pushing him forward and down. He yelped as he hit the ground hard, half sliding and half rolling a few metres forward, tumbling around the body who’d tackled him. He lay still then, slumped under the tight grip of teeth in the scruff of his neck. He doubted he’d have been able to move even without that reminder of his submission. Closing his eyes, he concentrated on drawing in air into his aching lungs. Drawing in Kieran’s scent.

“Mine,” Kieran growled triumphantly, adjusting his position over Nicholas, and Nicholas could feel the alpha’s erection against his hip.

Whimpering in supplication, he folded his tail to the side, offering up himself. “Yours. Every way you want me.”

Without letting go of his neck, Kieran shuffled around further to aim himself at Nicholas’ hole. Held down, unable to fight – even had he been willing to – Nicholas merely shuddered, thrilled at being so completely at his master’s mercy. He held his breath for a few seconds as Kieran prodded at him, then let out a long, keening whine as Kieran’s cock stabbed home.

Nicholas lost time after that, lost track of how long Kieran fucked him, how many times his master came inside him while he remained hard and aching. He never begged permission to come, though he did beg for a lot of things. For more, for less, for Kieran to stop, for him to never stop, for him to ignore everything Nicholas asked for and instead do precisely what he wanted. To be quite honest, he wasn’t sure he _wanted_ to come. Not when his continued arousal so obviously pleased Kieran. It didn’t stop him from whimpering and whining when Kieran pushed him down onto his back and licked at his cock, forced him to take the pleasure. It didn’t stop him from offering his arse up again and again, even when he was starting to be too sore to be entirely comfortable with it. It didn’t matter, none of it did, because he was Kieran’s, and Kieran’s pleasure was everything, and sweet night, he’d let Kieran take him forever if that was what he wanted. And wolf bodies being what they were, and wolf language being less limited to sounds than human languages were, he was sure he spilled all of it to Kieran, confessed all his wants and needs and desires, and he didn’t care. No, he did care. He just didn’t _mind_ , because it was Kieran’s right to know everything about him.

It was so much easier in wolf shape, he reflected while Kieran rested on top of him again, as if to keep him from bolting off even when they both knew Nicholas had neither energy nor inclination to do so. When they were human, Nicholas had to focus, had to find the words to say what he needed to say. Scents and body languages were muffled, jumbled, incoherent. They only told half the story. In wolf shape, they told close to ninety per cent of it, and his near incoherent whimpers made up the rest.

“Thank you,” he flicked his ears and tail wearily, barely able to move even those small parts of his body. “For accepting me, for taking me in, for forgiving me, for hurting me, for fucking me, for letting me please you.” He closed his eyes. “For everything.” Kieran could easily have said no to any and all of those things. Had said no to some of them for a while.

Kieran yawned, amused. “Thank _you_ ,” he returned. “For making me see, for being mine. For giving me all that you are.”

“Always, my alpha.”


	37. Epilogue

_Nicholas_

 

“Are you certain about this, Nicholas?” Kieran looked down at him with a serious expression on his face, his scent carefully neutral.

Nicholas swallowed, tension curling around his spine. He wanted to clutch at the porch railing, but forced himself to keep his arms at his sides. “I am, Master.” It was always frightening to forget parts of oneself, but… He trusted Kieran, and this was for Kieran’s enjoyment. And, a small part of him whispered, he might enjoy it too.

Kieran studied him for a few moments, then nodded in return, decisively. “Very well. Look up at me.”

Nicholas drew a trembling breath, then obeyed, steeling himself to meet that silver-coloured gaze. Letting the air out again, he relaxed, opening himself up to suggestion. “I’m ready, Master,” he whispered.

“Starting five minutes from now and lasting until I order you to remember, you will forget what has happened the past few years. You’re eighteen, and your alpha has arranged for you to join a new pack. My pack. All you know about your new pack is the name of its leader and that he’s expecting you. You’ve just been dropped off and can still hear the receding sound of the car, your last contact with your childhood pack driving away, leaving you alone to face your new pack leader. You will ignore all existing signs of your own scent in and around the house, as if they weren’t there.”

The words weren’t loud, but they seemed to echo through him, reverberating louder and louder inside his head until they were the only thing he knew, the only thing there was space for in there. For an eternity, Kieran stared into him, into his soul. Then his alpha blinked and looked away. Nicholas shivered, hating the loss of their connection and being relieved by it, both at the same time. He lowered his gaze. Four minutes left, he thought, some part of him constantly being aware of each second ticking away until the order he’d been given would take effect.

“I love you, Master,” he blurted out, needing to say it before that part of him was temporarily forgotten.

Kieran stilled. The only sound was his heartbeat, rapid and thudding. Three minutes and twenty-five seconds. “Had I the time, I would kiss you, my omega,” Kieran said then, softly. He hesitated before continuing with, “I’ll see you soon.”

Kieran took one step back, then turned and went inside, closing the door quietly behind him. Nicholas remained where he was at the foot of the four steps leading up, trying to prepare himself as best he could for the role he’d… not play. No, not at this level. The role he’d _become_. A young, inexperienced omega. The omega he’d been before Ethan. Before he’d realised just how much he craved discipline and structure.

Two minutes. Everything would be fine. Kieran would take care of him. It was just a scene. And while he wouldn’t remember what they had together during the scene, he would afterward. It was a gift he was more than willing to give to Kieran, whatever Kieran’s motivation for it. He hadn’t said, not precisely, but Nicholas didn’t think it was just to experience a ‘virgin omega’, if one could call it that when he’d been instructed by Caoimhe, his childhood pack’s omega. Sure, he hadn’t had a cock inside him yet at that time, but he’d been quite familiar with both fingers and toys. Maybe to have the chance to be Nicholas’ first, but not for the physicality of it. Just… just because Nicholas was his, and he wanted to burn the memory of being Nicholas’ only male sexual partner into Nicholas’ head, of being Nicholas’ first Dom.

One minute. Perhaps because… Because Kieran wanted to be sure Ethan’s pack hadn’t _made_ Nicholas want the BDSM? It hadn’t been mentioned again since that time when Kieran had asked him, but that didn’t mean Kieran wasn’t thinking about it.

Twenty seconds. He drew in a deep breath, then slowly let it out. It didn’t matter. None of it mattered. He was Kieran’s, and that wasn’t going to change just because Nicholas didn’t remember it for a short while. The impact of meeting him, Nicholas was sure, could hardly be less shocking this time around.

He closed his eyes and made no effort to contain his full-body shudder as he felt the memories start to fade. It would be alright. Kieran would take care of him.

He forced himself to open his eyes, pretending he couldn’t hear the sound of his old life driving away. It would be alright. He’d never met him before, this Kieran O’Neill, but surely it would be alright. He refused to look after Lucas, refused to give in to such weakness. He was an adult now, not a pup. He might have been dropped off without so much as a bag of clothes, but if that was what his new pack leader had requested he only had to grin and bear it. Even had it not been his new pack leader’s decision, it had still been made by higher-ranking wolves than Nicholas. He would, he was sure, be given new clothes before long. Hopefully.

Looking up, he studied the house before him. It was large, and so completely different from the sprawling clutter of cottages and houses and converted barns he’d grown up in, practically a whole hamlet of only werewolves. He drew in its scent. No dogs here, only wolves. How many? He couldn’t tell, but surely fewer than back home. No, not home. It would never be home again. He darted a glance sideways, toward the garage. Two cars in front of it, though it was surely large enough to hide three more inside. Between them and the steps in front of him, two motorcycles were parked. He didn’t really know anything about bikes, other than what he’d seen on telly, but they looked large and intimidating. Probably stereotypical of him, but they looked like the kind ridden by equally large and intimidating men.

But he wasn’t here to look at cars and bikes. Shaking himself, he looked up at the closed door at the top of the stairs. He swallowed, then forced himself to lift one foot and set it on the bottom step. No need to draw this out. He was expected. No one would attack him for being here without leave, this deep within the pack’s outer territory. They might, however, be upset with him for dallying out here.

“Get to it, you muppet,” he grumbled to himself, hearing the words in his cousin’s voice inside his head. “As useful as tits on a bull, you are, standing about like this.” His heart clenched at the lost familiarity, but Lucas would have been right. He was no good to his new pack like this.

Not allowing himself to think, he hurried up onto the porch and rang the bell. Then, nearly hyperventilating, he waited. He looked back over his shoulder. Technically, there was no one around to see him, but that didn’t mean pack protocol was appropriate. So he didn’t lower himself to his knees, only bowed his head and stared at the bottom edge of the door.

There were steps on the other side of the door, and then the handle pressed down and Nicholas could see two sock-clad feet on the other side of the threshold. Nicholas’ nostrils flared as he took in the scent of the gamma before him. It was powerful, for a gamma, more than halfway to a beta, but still a gamma. Not that it mattered much, as practically any other wolf would be above him in the hierarchy anyway.

“Hm?” the man asked.

Nicholas swallowed. “I’m… I’m Nicholas Teague,” he whispered. “Of the O’Donnell pack, near Ballynahinch. Alpha O’Neill is expecting me?” He hadn’t meant to make the last bit a question, but couldn’t help his hesitance. What if he’d been mistaken? What if he’d been given misleading information? No, surely not.

“Right. You’d better come inside then,” the unfamiliar gamma told him, his dialect so different from what Nicholas was used to. “Follow me.”

Nodding his acceptance to the command, Nicholas stepped inside when the gamma moved aside to let him pass. For a moment, he was confused. How could he follow someone who didn’t lead? Then the door closed behind him, making him jump, and he got his answer to why the gamma had acted as he had.

“Shoes off. Put them there.”

Glancing over, he followed the line of the gamma’s finger to an empty spot in the shoe stand by the wall. “Yes, gamma,” he said obediently, toeing his runners off and crouching down to put them in their place. Then he stood again, wishing he didn’t tower over the more dominant wolf, and waited.

“This way,” the gamma said, starting off down the hallway.

Nicholas followed, glancing sideways at the two closed doors they passed between. He hesitated, then ventured, “Might I be allowed to ask your name, gamma?”

“Peter,” the gamma responded after barely two seconds. “And yes, you can call me that, at least for now.”

“Thank you, Peter.” Some of his nervous tension eased off. Surely this pack couldn’t be _that_ bad if this gamma, Peter, was that kind?

They came into a large area that combined living room, kitchen and dining room. Was this the only house of the pack? He hadn’t seen any other houses particularly nearby, and it _was_ a large house. He automatically counted the chairs around the huge dining table. Fourteen, fifteen, sixteen. Fuck, that was a lot of chairs. Admittedly, not as many as there would have been if all the wolves in his old pack had gathered together at one table. Barely even half.

There was a wolf in the kitchen, and Nicholas eyes widened slightly as he took in the full figure of the man, too stunned to lower his eyes appropriately. The man had to be almost as tall as Nicholas, maybe two or three centimetres shorter at the most, but the sheer bulk of him… And then the man’s scent reached him, and he realised he was staring at a beta. A mated beta at that. Fuck!

Peter cleared his throat, and Nicholas felt the heat in his cheeks as he hurriedly turned his attention back to the gamma, swallowing his urge to apologise. While he was relieved to have something other than the huge beta to focus on, he’d also clearly failed to follow instructions. He bit his lower lip nervously. Wait until spoken to, his mam had instructed him. He’d failed to follow her advice once already, not even two minutes ago, and he needed to make as good an impression as possible.

“Here,” Peter said, heading for a door next to a large fireplace. It was a sturdy but nondescript door. Nothing to set it apart, except for the heavy scent of alpha around it. He swallowed. The alpha’s office? What kind of alpha did this pack have?

Peter opened the door for him and shoved him inside. Taken unawares, he stumbled inside, spinning around just in time to see the door close firmly, Peter on the other side of it. He shivered, and turned to see where he was. There was a fireplace on this side of the wall, too, with an old leather armchair right in front of it, a small table by its side, and… Shite. Fuck. Bollocks. This wasn’t an office. This was a _bedroom._ With a large double bed by the opposite wall, and a thick rug on the visible side of it that had Nicholas itching to kneel down and feel how soft it was.

Slowly, he became aware of a second heartbeat in the room, of slow and steady breathing. Of the immediate and fresh scent of the alpha who obviously inhabited this room. It was amused rather than annoyed, but he knew that could change in an instant. Turning toward the imposing presence, he sank down onto the floor in a crouch, one hand going down to help with his balance and the other reaching up to sweep back his hair from his neck, baring it, before dropping to rest on his thigh. For just a moment, its length surprised him, but he shook it off, chalking it down to having had shorter hair the last time he’d been in this position. How long ago had that been? He couldn’t remember.

“Omega,” the alpha said in greeting. Quiet footsteps slowly approached.

Nicholas swallowed. “Alpha O’Neill,” he responded. It was an assumption, but who else could it be? Surely it was impossible for anyone to be dominant enough to dominate _this_ alpha. He closed his eyes as the alpha started to circle him, focusing on remaining still. “Alpha O’Donnell sends her greetings and her hopes that I will prove a satisfactory member of your pack.”

Fingers came down to trail along the bared and taut tendon in his neck His breath caught and a shiver worked its way down his spine, almost causing him to lose his balance. What–? That was more than just a touch. He could scent the alpha’s heady musk behind him, scent his definite interest. Oh sweet night, was he…? He swallowed again, squeezing his eyes even more tightly shut. He prayed he wouldn’t let his new pack leader down, that he’d be able to please, that he wouldn’t be turned away.

“Tell me, omega, what are your expectations?”

The question caught him by surprise. Expectations? Of what? Of the alpha? Of belonging to a new pack? Of being left here completely on his own, with no immediate way of making it back in case he was refused? Provided, of course, that his childhood pack would accept him back. Provided he’d even ask them to. Being refused, being banished from a pack… He loved his parents, he did, but he’d never expose them to the humiliation of having a son who wasn’t good enough. “I have no expectations, alpha,” he finally said, after the seconds had ticked past and the alpha was still waiting. Then, before the tendrils of annoyance in the alpha’s scent could develop into something more tangible, he hurriedly added, “Hopes, yes, but no expectations.”

“Ah. What are your hopes, then?” The fingers moved to tangle in his hair, slowly combing through it, the gesture so calm and possessive that it made Nicholas forget everything except that touch. He whimpered softly, tilted his head even further to the side in obvious invitation. “With words, omega.” The alpha’s voice was the soft purr of a man who knew exactly what effect he was having and enjoyed every moment of his power.

Words. “S-sorry, al…” The word trailed off in a whine as the grip on his hair tightened, pulling at him, sending sharp flashes of pain through his scalp and giving birth to a swirl of fear and exhilaration in his belly. Then the hand withdrew completely, leaving him breathless and… disappointed. He forced himself to fill his lungs, held his breath for a few seconds and then let it out slowly. Hopes. “That I’ll be acceptable, alpha. That you’ll permit me to call this my home. That–” He cut himself off, heat rising in his cheeks. He couldn’t very well tell his prospective new pack leader _that_ , could he? It was too presumptive, too… He was an omega, and he should be grateful for everything he got, whatever it was.

“Go on, pup.”

Pup. He should bristle at the term, snap that he was eighteen and no longer a pup, but the annoyance failed to rise within him. When alpha O’Neill said it, it didn’t sound like an insult, like he thought Nicholas a mere child. Instead he almost made it sound like… like an endearment. And oh fuck, he’d been told to continue, to reveal just what he’d been hoping for. “It’s a foolish thing, alpha, and not important. It’s just…” He hesitated, embarrassment and humiliation threatening to drown him. “I’d like to be allowed to work. To be useful. To help support the pack.” The alpha’s shock washed over him, and fuck he’d disappointed his new pack leader before he’d even been accepted into the pack, and he’d give anything to take his words back. He should go down on the floor, on his back, and bare his throat. He couldn’t move. “Forgive me, alpha,” he pleaded. “Please forget I said anything.”

Kieran O’Neill’s hand landed on his shoulder, heavy, not pushing him down but holding him still. Heat against his back as the alpha crouched down behind him. “Calm down, pup,” he said softly into Nicholas’ ear. “Focus on my heartbeat.”

Nicholas drew a trembling breath, but did as he was told and listened to the steady thump-thump of the alpha’s heart. Slow. Calm. Not angry. The alpha’s chest swelled against his back with every breath, and he found himself matching the rhythm, breath for breath.

“That’s better. Why would you think you wouldn’t be allowed to work?”

“I’m an omega,” he said, confused.

“That would be hard to miss.” The alpha’s voice was dry, amused. Nicholas frowned thoughtfully. It seemed a better explanation was needed.

“In my childhood pack… I mean, I know Caoimhe was too popular to have time for work, even had she been allowed to, but I thought this pack might be smaller, and it wouldn’t have to be many hours, and I’m sure I could manage to fit it in when I had spare time over, I’d just like to–”

“Shh,” the alpha soothed, and Nicholas bit back his assurances and excuses. “Omegas aren’t allowed to work in O’Donnell’s pack?”

He shook his head just a little. “It was permitted, before, but then… We used to…” Wait, fuck, that wasn’t the right word. “ _They_ used to have two adult omegas, Caoimhe and Bran, but there was an accident at Bran’s work one day, and… he didn’t survive. Alpha O’Donnell took the decision to protect the omegas from that in the future.” He whimpered, realising just what it must sound like to alpha O’Neill. “I promise, you can choose whatever you like, however many hours you allow, I won’t complain. I won’t complain if you forbid it, either. I won’t mind. I just thought–”

“You’re right,” the alpha said, stunning Nicholas into silence. Right about what? “This is a smaller pack, and every wolf is expected to contribute to the pack funds.” The hand on his shoulder squeezed lightly. “ _Every_ wolf. That includes omegas.”

Nicholas’ heart lurched, and his eyes stung. He swallowed down the sudden thickness in his throat. “Thank you, alpha,” he whispered hoarsely.

“Kieran.”

Surely not! That would be rude and… And clearly what the alpha wanted. He nodded reluctantly. “Yes, K-Kieran.” His voice was barely audible even to him, but a whiff of pleased scent from the alpha… from Kieran informed him it had been heard.

“Much better.” Kieran stood up. “Now, I think it’s time I see what kind of omega I’ve been offered.” Nicholas froze, his eyes widening. Was Kieran really saying what it seemed like he was saying? “On your feet, omega.” A brief chuckle. “No, not omega. Nicholas. That is your name, is it not?”

Nicholas swayed slightly on his feet, his mouth dry. “It… it is, Kieran.”

“Brilliant. Now, strip.”

Nicholas shivered, but obediently pulled his t-shirt over his head, shaking back his hair. Kieran circled around him again until he was standing in front of Nicholas, and Nicholas fumbled his grip on the t-shirt and dropped it when he realised just how short the alpha was compared to him. He was close to a head taller, for fuck’s sake. Fate had been cruel indeed, to send what had to be the tallest omega in existence to the pack belonging to one of the shortest alphas he’d ever heard about. Not that size had that much to do with dominance, or that beta out in the kitchen would be running this pack instead of Kieran, but it was bloody difficult to follow proper protocol and keep his head lower than his superiors’ when he towered over everyone.

“Problem?”

Shaking his head both to answer the question and to clear his thoughts, he hurried to unbutton his jeans and pull them off, helping with his toes and getting his socks in the same movement. He wasn’t wearing underwear, and all of a sudden he felt very vulnerable, standing bare in front of his prospective pack leader. It felt so much different from full moon nights. Everyone was naked, then, and no one was really looking at one another because everyone was focused on the approaching moonrise. Now he was the only one without clothes, with a very imposing – if short – alpha studying him intently. Nicholas could practically feel his gaze wandering down and up his body, and it took every scrap of self-control not to try to cover himself with his hands.

Was he pleasing? Did Kieran like what he saw? Was he… Was he going to do more than just look? He whimpered at the thought, so bleeding nervous about what Kieran would say. Kieran said nothing. Only stared at him in silence. And gods, fuck, stop it, please don’t, he begged his cock to no avail as it swelled and filled with blood. There had to be something wrong with him, to get aroused by the humiliation and trepidation of someone just looking at him, of waiting to be judged.

A hand and a sleeved arm entered his field of vision, and horror barely had time to form before strong fingers wrapped around his erection. Pleasure crackled through him like electricity. Forgetting himself entirely, he flung his head back and moaned, too shocked and surprised to have any chance of controlling his response. “Alpha, Kieran, please…” he whimpered, praying silently for the hand to start moving. Then he choked, every muscle in his body locking up as a body pressed up against him, as teeth closed on the throat he’d so conveniently offered up. He stood still, unable to breathe, unable to blink. He couldn’t even think. All he could do was surrender. His heartbeat thundered in his ears, his chest ached, and still he couldn’t make himself move enough to draw in air.

Then hand and teeth and hot, clothed body vanished as Kieran took two steps back, and as though that had been all that had held him up, Nicholas collapsed down to the floor as if every bone in his body had turned to jelly. His knees hit the hard wooden floor with a loud knock and a sharp pain that somehow failed to detract from the feeling of perfection and rightness. Oh, fuck, Kieran hadn’t even _done_ anything to him, and he was ready to come at any moment. He would have whimpered if he hadn’t been so busy gulping in air, panting heavily as his body did its best to compensate for his previous paralysis. Each inhalation filled his lungs with Kieran’s scent. Kieran said nothing, but every breath proved to Nicholas just how much the alpha was enjoying himself.

“Please, alpha,” he begged. “Do what you want with me, just please touch me.” How had he thought that his experiences with Caoimhe had been good? His own hand? He’d been so blind. He’d never needed either of those the way he needed Kieran to take him, to make Nicholas do whatever Kieran wanted him to do. “Please, tell me what you want me to do, and I’ll do it. Let me serve you, please.”

“Sit up straight.”

Nicholas hurriedly knelt up, feeling a fresh surge of delicious embarrassment as he revealed just how hard he was, how his cock defied gravity almost completely. Kieran’s hand reached in again, but this time to apply pressure under his chin, to force him to tilt his head back until he had no choice but to look up into the alpha’s face. And then he was lost, caught up in the most exquisite, silver grey eyes he’d ever seen. They seemed to pierce through him, as if Kieran could see into his very soul, and he couldn’t have looked away if his life depended on it. Fuck, yes. This man could do anything he wanted to Nicholas, and the only thing Nicholas would be able to beg for would be more, to ask what else he could do to please his alpha.

 _I’m yours for the taking._ It was so obvious that that was just how it should be. To his surprise Kieran smiled, with just the faintest hint of teeth, and nodded. Oh, shit. Had Nicholas actually said that out loud? Heat burned in his cheeks, but he couldn’t help the fluttering in his belly that Kieran had _liked_ the offer.

“No worries, pup. I’m going to enjoy taking you. You’re perfect.”

Nicholas would have protested, would have said he wasn’t, that he was too tall, too clumsy, too… too everything. But the look in Kieran’s eyes, the intensity in that stare… It made him want to believe. Made him _want_ to think he was perfect, if only for a little while. “Anything,” he whispered.

Kieran’s eyebrows arched. His eyes twinkled with humour. “Anything?”

Nicholas couldn’t nod. “Anything you want, Kieran.” Oh, it felt so wrong to call him by his name. “Please tell me how I can please you.”

“Get on the bed on all fours.”

Oh fuck, oh night, this was it. And he had an order and he should follow it but he was still caught up in Kieran’s eyes like a rabbit before a snake and he couldn’t _move_. He whimpered pleadingly. He was hopeless and Kieran would surely hate what must seem like reluctance to obey, but he _wanted_ to obey, so badly.

Kieran’s fingers were back at his chin, and this time they turned his face aside toward the bed, forcibly breaking their eye contact. “Bed. Now.” He let go.

Freed, Nicholas scrambled to his feet and ran to the bed, all but throwing himself on it and arranging his awkward body the way he’d been told, on knees and elbows, head lowered. Behind him he heard the rustle of clothes as Kieran undressed, but he forced himself to keep still, to not turn around and look. Obedience. Submission. Respect. Kieran deserved all of those, and he _would_ have them from Nicholas. He would have anything he wanted, and Nicholas would _thank_ him for being allowed to give it.

Footsteps approached slowly. Nicholas shivered, spread his knees a little on the covers, indicating his willingness. As if Kieran wouldn’t be able to smell it on him. Oh, nothing Caoimhe had said could have prepared him for this sensation of wanting to give up everything that he was in the hopes that it would please another wolf. He’d always been eager to please, had lived for the ‘good boy’ or ‘good pup’ or ‘good omega’ the more dominant wolves had bestowed upon him as praise when he’d done well, the pats and hair ruffling and smiles, but he’d never felt that need to please like _this_. Never.

“I’m going to spank you,” Kieran said, his voice rough with desire. Nicholas tensed. Had he done something bad? Did he need to be punished? “Because I _want_ to. Because it would please me to redden that arse.”

Nicholas’ heart lurched, and he couldn’t help rocking back, pushing his arse that much closer to Kieran. Yes, he wanted to say. Yes, please, do it. Because Kieran should have everything he wanted, and even though he’d never been spanked for someone’s pleasure before, only as punishment for when he’d been bad, he just _knew_ he’d love every moment of it. Because that was what Kieran wanted, wasn’t it?

A hand stroked his behind, sending sparks of pleasure crawling over his skin, and he moaned, unable to be silent. The touch vanished, and he sucked back the whimper of disappointment before it could emerge. Smack. A sharp sting of bright pain in his left buttock, and it went straight to his cock. A few moments later, there was a corresponding one on the other cheek. Nicholas did whimper now, but not in disappointment. Lowering his chest to the bed, he rested his forehead on his crossed arms, pushing back up against Kieran, offering himself as a target for anything Kieran wanted. And right now, Kieran wanted to spank him.

It was heaven and it was hell, all at the same time. In the beginning because it was so light, so little, and he wanted more. Then, as his skin grew tender and hot, and the slaps kept raining down on his arse, because it hurt and he still couldn’t help but want more of it. Because Kieran’s pleasure enveloped him, the desire and greed and triumph and pride, and oh fuck _yes_ , Nicholas wanted this.

“Please, alpha,” he moaned, finding himself utterly unable to use Kieran’s _name_ in a situation like this. “Oh, fuck, _please_ , more.” Oh, it hurt, but it hurt so good, the smouldering fire in his arse tempered by Kieran’s delight into something brilliant and beautiful and wonderful.

“Making demands?” Kieran asked, sounding just a little out of breath.

Gods, no! “Never, not demands, I’m sorry,” Nicholas babbled, only staving off his panic by the lack of disapproval in Kieran’s scent. “Anything you want, that’s all I meant, give me more of what you want, please, alpha.”

“Kieran.” Nicholas whimpered. “Or, if you prefer, you can call me ‘master’.”

Nicholas’ eyes went wide, the air rushing out of his lungs with a whoosh. Master. The word sent a tendril of deepest desire through him. Yes. That was the perfect word. Kieran would master him, take care of him, control him. Own him. He’d be Kieran’s _slave_ if that was what Kieran wanted. “Thank you, Master,” he managed, and Kieran’s pleasure spiked through him, hot and bright and absolutely intoxicating.

“You’re mine, aren’t you?”

“Yours,” Nicholas agreed in a gasp, then yelped as the next slap of Kieran’s hand landed on his thigh. “Yours, Master,” he repeated, and was rewarded with a slap to his other thigh. “Always yours.” For as long as Kieran wanted him, and oh night, he _hoped_ Kieran would want him forever.

Kieran chuckled darkly. The bed dipped next to his knees, then an arm went around his waist, squeezing down, holding him tightly against Kieran’s body. Kieran’s arm, and wasn’t that enough to make his cock twitch and drool? He was sure there was a lake of pre on the bed already, but he couldn’t make himself feel too guilty about it, because Kieran liked him liking the spanking. There was no need for Kieran to hold him down, but he wasn’t going to protest, and… Oh, fuck! That hurt. Squeezing his eyes shut, he buried his face in his arms and did his best to relax while pain flared again and again on his arse and thighs. He didn’t want to disappoint Kieran, not when Kieran so obviously enjoyed this, and Kieran’s arousal pressed against his hip, and Nicholas own cock ached and he was so bloody _grateful_ that he was able to give Kieran something he wanted.

Minutes, hours, days… Nicholas had no idea which, and he didn’t care, but by the time he felt sore all over and desperately fighting his body’s response to the pain, Kieran… stopped. Nicholas sucked in air in huge, gulping sobs, ignored the tears on his cheeks, and waited. It came, a touch light as a tickle, Kieran’s fingers on his arse, stroking and feeling the heat under his skin, sending ice cold shivers down his spine. Sliding into the crack between his buttocks and drawing a long, needy moan from Nicholas’ lungs as one digit pressed teasingly at his hole. Not pushing in, just giving him a warning of what was to come later. What Nicholas hoped would come. Moving on as if Nicholas’ opinion on it didn’t matter – which it didn’t – and sliding down to caress and squeeze his balls, pulling them away from his body in a firm, controlled movement, stretching his sack until Nicholas thought he’d die from the mix of pleasure and pain, from knowing Kieran was doing only what he wanted, nothing more and nothing less.

“Good omega,” Kieran praised him, still manhandling his balls, and his balls did their best to defy the grip, against Nicholas’ will, trying to draw up and spend from the sheer pleasure of being told he’d done well. “So very good. Would you like me to treat you like this regularly?”

Nicholas had to raise his head off his arms to give an answer, and it was at the same time the most difficult and the easiest thing he’d ever done. “Bloody hell, yes, Master, anything you want,” he groaned. “Anytime you want.”

“Every time you sit down, you’ll be able to feel my marks on your arse, pup,” Kieran went on, calm as you please, but the words and the rough edge to Kieran’s voice that he wasn’t able to cover up went straight to Nicholas’ cock, and again it was only Kieran’s firm grip that kept him from coming. Oh fuck, yes, and if Kieran was offering to always let him feel Kieran’s mastery of him, he’d be grateful forever.

Kieran’s touch left him, and he trembled with the effort to keep still, to wait patiently when he wanted to weep, feeling abandoned and desperately needing his alpha, his master, to touch him again. The wooden slide of a drawer, the clatter of Kieran digging something out, the snap of a plastic lid flipped open. A cold, synthetic smell he recognised, but his brain was too scrambled to figure out from where. Then a faint gurgle of something being squeezed out, and he knew with sudden clarity where he’d come across it before. Lube. But despite knowing that, the cold, slippery touch between his cheeks came as enough of a surprise to make him flinch. Wincing at himself, he made a point of pushing back against Kieran, to offer himself up and assure his master there’d been no intention to avoid whatever he wanted to do.

“Just relax, pup. I’ll make it good for you.”

Nicholas’ heart swelled with gratitude. He should argue, should tell Kieran that there was no need to do that, that he should just focus on making it good for himself, but the words refused to emerge. Because, when it came down to it, it was Kieran’s choice. Surely Kieran already knew he didn’t _need_ to ‘make it good’ for Nicholas.

He moaned as a slick finger pressed inside him, glad he’d made the effort to clean himself that morning. Caoimhe had taught him the importance of it, of making sure nothing would ruin a dominant wolf’s pleasure. In the beginning, he’d needed her assistance, but now he could easily do it on his own. Which was a relief, because otherwise he’d have had to ask Lucas to help him, and that wouldn’t have been either appropriate or pleasant. Another finger, and he pushed back, welcoming the burn of the stretch. It was so different to his own fingers, so much better when he could do nothing but accept whatever was done to him. It was even better than Caoimhe’s fingers, because she’d been focused on teaching him about his body, and Kieran was all dominance and determination to take, to claim, to make Nicholas his.

A third finger, and Nicholas groaned into his arms. Surely he was already ready for the real thing, right? Kieran didn’t need to… No, Kieran didn’t need, but he wanted, and Kieran would have whatever he wanted, no matter how much it drove Nicholas insane with need and want and desire and pleasure and desperation. So he submitted to the finger-fucking, focused on relaxing and offering himself up. And then… Then Kieran crooked his fingers inside Nicholas, sending lightning through him. He stifled his howl of pleasure by biting his arm, but when Kieran did it again, stroking his gland, he couldn’t stifle the climax that tore through him and spilled across Kieran’s covers. Stars flashed across the inside of his eyelids as his body shuddered with each spasm of his cock, each clenching of his hole around Kieran’s fingers. They kept stroking him inside, feeding his orgasm until each brush against his prostate was too painful to feel good. Nicholas whimpered, but made no protest. Kieran was still his alpha, and Nicholas was his to do what he wanted with until Kieran was satisfied. There was no disapproval in his scent; clearly Nicholas’ orgasm hadn’t been a bad thing.

Slowly, gently, the fingers withdrew from inside him. He would have slumped down on the bed in relief over the lack of sensation, had it not been for two things. One, he felt empty. And two, Kieran still hadn’t come. That last one was important. Kieran’s arousal still hung heavy in the air, and despite his exhaustion it was impossible to look past it. He tried to wiggle his arse, though he wasn’t sure he managed much more than a slow sway of his hips. “Please, al– Master,” he pressed out, wincing slightly over his near-miss on the title. “Allow me to pleasure you.”

There was a sense of wonderment from behind him, the sharp, bright tang of interest and awe colouring the heady musk of Kieran’s desire. As if he hadn’t expected Nicholas to offer him up so eagerly just a few seconds after coming. A touch of pride, as well, Nicholas thought, and he fervently wished it was because of him, that Kieran was proud of _him_. Kieran didn’t answer him, but he heard more lube being squeezed out, and the faint sound of skin against skin. The bed dipped behind him. Then the broad, blunt tip of what had to be Kieran’s cock pressed in between his cheeks.

The stimulation of his raw nerve endings hurt, there was no denying that, but Nicholas didn’t care. Kieran’s pleasure wrapped itself around him, and he pushed back against the alpha, welcoming him in as deep as physically possible, silently urging him to do it. Begging him to take what he wanted and not worry about anything other than his own desires. Kieran proceeded to do just that, and Nicholas abandoned himself to the glorious agony of service for the sake of service, with nothing in it for him except the possibility of pleasing his alpha. His master.

It went on for an eternity, until the constant stimulation had come full circle and crossed back over from pain into pleasure, until he was hard and aching beneath Kieran’s steady thrusting. And still, Kieran didn’t come. Slowed down whenever he seemed to get close, resorting to shallow, almost gentle thrusts until he’d apparently calmed down enough. Nicholas felt reduced to a gasping, sobbing mess, begging and pleading to be allowed to receive his master’s orgasm. A part of him wished Kieran would get him off as well, but it was a tiny part and not worthy of recognition. He’d already come once, and even that was more than he’d expected.

Finally Kieran sped up rather than slowed down as his pleasure mounted, thrusting hard and deep and almost erratic. Nicholas closed his eyes and tried to move in counterpoint, tried to meet each thrust halfway and make it easier on Kieran. The hands on his hips tightened, aiding his movement by pulling on him, clenching so tightly he was sure to have bruises. Please, let there be bruises to remind him of this. He almost wished Kieran had claws, that he’d slice Nicholas’ skin open and leave permanent marks, so he’d always be able to feel them and remember what it was like to be taken and possessed and claimed for the first time, even after Kieran grew tired of him. After Kieran took a mate and refused to touch him again. He cried out in pleasure as Kieran’s orgasm crashed over him. The alpha stiffened behind him, buried deep inside, his cock twitching inside Nicholas’ hole. He wished it’d been enough to make him come as well, at the same time as he was bloody grateful it hadn’t been. Still, he couldn’t help his cock and balls throbbing in time with the pulses of sperm being released into him.

They remained in position for close to a minute, Kieran shuddering over him. Then the alpha gently and slowly tipped them over onto their sides, one arm coming up to pull Nicholas back against him, holding him tight.

“Mine,” the alpha murmured, his voice reduced to a sated, husky growl.

Nicholas’ eyes stung. “Yours,” he agreed readily. Even if Kieran didn’t let him into his pack, he’d always have this, the knowledge that he’d pleased his master.

A gentle kiss was pressed to the back of his collarbone. Soft, almost… loving? “I want you to remember, pup.”

Remember? What was he…

Nicholas gasped, his eyes rolling back in their sockets as memories flooded back, overwhelming him. Years. He’d lost _years_. He remembered Lucas driving him not to Mallow but to Dublin, remembered being handed over to Ethan, remembered being taught how to take both pleasure and pain until he wanted to flee but could only beg for more, remembered the betrayal, the loneliness, the searching for a place to call home. Remembered Kieran. “Master,” he moaned. Part of him wished he hadn’t had to remember it all, but he couldn’t regret anything that had happened today. “Thank you.”

“You’re welcome, my omega,” Kieran murmured against his skin, and the hint of teeth scraping against his skin made Nicholas shudder. “No regrets?”

Regrets? He shook his head, feeling the covers absorbing some of the wetness from his cheek. “Never, Master,” he assured Kieran. How could he ever regret it? It might not have wiped away his memories of Ethan, but he’d always carry the memory of Kieran being his first master in glorious opposition to those. Then he sighed happily and wiggled back closer against Kieran, squeezing his arse around his master’s softening shaft. Kieran may not have been his first in reality, but there was no doubt in his mind that he’d be the last. Whether Kieran decided to collar him or not, that was the one thing that would always be true. That, and the knowledge that this was a game they definitely would play again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And that, as they say, is that o.o To be honest, I'm rather shocked I've kept it going for about six months and _finished_ it. Sure, it needs polishing and editing, but that can come later.
> 
> I hope you've enjoyed reading it as much as I enjoyed writing it :3 I'll work on the sequel during July (Camp NaNoWriMo, again), but I think I'll hold back from starting it up here before the month's over.


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